"It is the very error of the moon;

She comes more nearer earth than she was wont,

And makes men mad."

~William Shakespeare, Othello

Chapter Eight: The Problem

Running really was becoming my coping strategy.

This time, though I wasn't looking to avoid anything. I was looking to address something: the blood.

I knew without the poor girl there to think about I was going to crumble. I was going to give in. Just one lick, I'd argue, like liking your fingers of cake batter when you're baking. Just one taste, one sweet salty taste. I knew it would make my whole mouth come alive, my eyes roll back and head tilt. I knew that without ever having had it.

How much more powerful must Jasper's pull be, knowing the feeling of your body being filled with it, becoming used to it even.

I ripped off my clothes while I was walking into the lake, then threw myself in. I swam and scrubbed my impermeable skin until I couldn't pick up a single trace of blood in the water.

While I had needed to bolt this time, it didn't change the fact that this was becoming an avoidant habit. But the others were right. Vampires could travel the whole world in no time, most of it crowded, not open wilderness, and it was impossible to avoid anything forever.

I floated there on my back, naked, and watched the dawn breaking pink and blue like cotton candy overhead. Deer sipped at the waterline, invisible to human eyes and barely perceptible to mine. Deer were so good at hiding.

Must be nice.

I had exposed us, I realized, to the men. And worse, they were killers. But what were they going to do? They couldn't tell anyone what they had really seen, where they were and what they were up to. We were miles from the house even if they were dumb enough to come looking for trouble. Maybe it would be okay.

Determined to stop avoiding things, I swam to collect my clothes and made sure they were washed out, or threw them as far away from me as I could, and stepped from the water. As I pulled on the wet clothing, I sensed Carlisle waiting for me in the tree line.

When I met him at the top of the bank, he looked down at the pine needles. "I apologize, Bella, for intruding."

"It's fine." I said. I knew he meant he had seen me in the lake. Thank God no one else had. It probably meant little to Carlisle having seen many patients over the years, a body was a body- two arms, two legs. He was polite, however, and it was surely accidental and something he felt he had to disclose.

He was frowning though, harsher than usual as I tugged on my sopping wet sweater and got my arm tangled, ripping it with no effort.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Bella." He said carefully, looking up at me and then back down. I felt a thrill of fear. Was he going to tell me how badly I had messed up, endangered them all? Was this it? Was I going to lose them again? It seemed I just kept waiting for it, the inevitable.

"I'm sorry." I blurted quickly, ready to beg forgiveness.

"What?"

"Carlisle, I'm so sorry they saw me. I just, I sensed something was wrong."

"Bella, the men you saw, won't say anything. People here are used to keeping things to themselves." He turned so we began to walk back towards the house. "And if they do talk, well, the only reason I knew we could be here without suspicions is certain connections I have with the church and the government here. There are allies, more or less, at levels which can protect us to a degree, so long as we don't cross anyone important. Since you didn't kill them, we shouldn't have a problem."

"Maybe we should have."

"Now you sound like Edward." His tone was disapproving.

"They tried to kill that girl. Is she okay, you think?"

"I think so." He offered a sad smile. Odd. I thought he was lying. After a moment he asked, "Bella, do you remember when James attacked you?"

"Of course."

"I forget how clearly you remember your human life compared to the rest of us."

"Maybe it's the continuity." I shrugged.

"Perhaps." The corner of his mouth twitched. "Alice had been practicing this lifestyle for over sixty years at that point, and still your blood got to her. She had to leave."

"But isn't my blood, like, particularly tempting?"

"You do smell good." I tried to ignore the he did not just use the past tense. "But you are not Alice's singer; you are not irresistible to her. Do you even remember what this girl smelled like?"

"No, I just saw her and, I don't know, I felt bad. I guess I literally know exactly how she felt."

He paused. "I can't imagine what those moments were like for you. But that doesn't stop everyone."

"Edward was able to stop drinking me. Isn't that hard?"

"Yes. It was remarkable." He scoffed. "And so was what you did tonight. You have to stop acting like you're not worthy, Bella, like you're not special. In my over three hundred years, I've never seen anyone do what you did as a newborn. You are remarkable." I felt warm even if no blush appeared. But it wasn't just my face, my whole body was flushed. I hoped he could not tell.

"Thanks." I said awkwardly. "I'm gonna go get dry clothes on."

I overheard him when the hairdryer stopped, murmuring with Alice and the others.

"I know. Maybe it has something to do with her ability. Maybe she can shield herself from the smell or something too? I knew it was going to be fine somehow; I told you. Bella belongs with us."

"And you're sure we're safe even though she was seen?"

"I'm confident. But we'll know if there's a problem."

"I don't foresee anything."

"You told her the girl lived, Carlisle? Why?"

"I had to. I couldn't hurt her again."

"Hey there, supergirl." Emmett beamed as I came into the room, toweling my hair. I had opted for an oversized shirt of a feather soft, fluffy material I didn't know, also cream colored and some dark jeans. Carlisle's eyes went over me.

"I got called into work. Wonder why." He said. "Don't wait up."

I was glad he was gone this time. Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett went out to hunt as they were starving from the events… Alice had already fed and was presumably babysitting me. We watched a silly tv show in Russian to help me learn as she pursued a fashion magazine from Italy.

I went back to my book and notebook on birds. Russia had a number of Eagles and I had seen almost all of them. I wondered if the loon from earlier had been a red throated or black throated. I could see her red throat again. I shut the book.

"Alice. Can I ask you something and swear you to secrecy."

"Ohh, please do." She shut her own magazine, crossing her legs and leaning forward. "Bella, I promise on pain of death not to say a word."

"Forget it. You can't die." I turned away.

"Oh fine. I swear on all my shoes."

"All of them?"

"All of them. Now spill."

"Is it… weird to be like…" I cleared my throat. "Your senses are heightened as a vampire, right? And your bloodlust is really strong."

"That's usually how it works, yes."

I was not going where she thought I was. This was not about my own powers or anti powers or whatever they were. At the moment I could care less. What was really worrying me was my reaction to Carlisle.

If I was being honest, in the woods when he touched my leg, when he said I was remarkable, when his eyes innocently went over me, I felt a reaction, an effect I was not proud of. Worse, I was afraid he might have noticed it. I had only ever felt that kind of pull a few times with Edward when he was kissing me. But this time it was stronger. Was it because of the change? His connection to Edward? That he was the only unattached male around?

"What about… regular lust?"

"Bella." She raised an eyebrow, pretending to scold me.

"Don't Alice. If I could die I would, from embarrassment."

"Yes, it's perfectly normal to be easily aroused even at or after the site of blood. Some vampires take it too far, in fact." she wrinkled her nose in disgust and I did not ask for details. "I don't think you have anything to worry about, given the restraint you showed today." She went back to her magazine, flipping through happily.

I chewed the inside of my mouth intently until I caught her watching me over her reading. "And… attraction? Is it obvious? Like when you're human?"

She furrowed her brow. "Vampires can tell when your venom is up, but not the reason. There's other forms of tension and such that are palpable, like physical things, like electricity between people. Why?"

I didn't look at her. "No reason."

She smiled mischievously. "Carlisle is an attractive man. Physically he's not much older than you."

"Alice!"

"And he's the only unmatched vampire around you, one of the only vampires around you, so it's not implausible for you to feel something. Carlisle is used to every human and vampire function imaginable. If he did notice a moment of weakness, say, he'd ignore it."

That was it then, the isolation, his natural or unnatural beauty- completely human, or unhuman, reaction.

"Bella, vampires aren't really accustomed to privacy. In this family, Edward can hear our thoughts. He tries not to intrude, just like I don't share every vision I have of a person's future." She looked at me pointedly for some reason before continuing. "There isn't anything Carlisle hasn't seen or heard. The man isn't easily startled. So if you did look at him or have a fantasy-"

"No!"

"About anyone really, especially after such an overwhelming moment with high senses, well, it wouldn't be the end of the world. Honestly, don't beat yourself up."

Then it had been the intensity of the moment that had made my body react so strongly to the contact with the man. That made sense.

But, if I was being honest with myself, it wasn't the first time I had a reaction I shouldn't have to Dr. Cullen.

We had been wrestling before in the woods, all of us, as practice like lion cubs, and I had pinned him like everyone else. He found this hilarious for some reason, his torso shaking beneath me as he chortled. It was completely innocent and happened in full view of everyone; similar things had happened countless times, I was sure.

I was sitting on his chest and had fallen forward a bit, my hair falling down around us so we were almost alone behind the dark curtain of it, laying on the forest floor. I was looking at him, just looking the way you had to with vampires because they were just designed beautifully, but the thing is: I didn't have to look anymore. I was a vampire too, and so the lure shouldn't work on me, but the sun was hitting us for a moment and he shone.

He looked at me too and we seemed to realize the compromising position we were in, me practically mounting him in the woods and felt shame and got up as if we didn't. Emmett teased me about it, and I wanted to turn to dust like vampires of legend in the sunlight. Carlisle had been stern and quiet.

"Hush." He had warned, sending his usual Emmett side eye.

No one seemed to notice or remember, but we had not personally wrestled each other since, I realized.

Maybe he was avoiding me. Maybe he knew.

What would he think? I couldn't help how my body reacted anymore than I could stem the thirst for blood or my speed or strength! Hopefully, he understood that.

But what if I couldn't control myself with this the way I could with the bloodlust? What is the real lust, the loneliness, was what got to me? What if laying out under the stars, I had to act on it, to feel something. There was no privacy with vampires, not really. They would know. Alice would know. Edward would hear about it.

I kicked myself mentally, shook myself and yelled mentally. GET IT TOGETHER, BELLA. Leave the widower alone. I knew I had to find some way to deal with this problem before one of them figured it out. I couldn't lose them again, not yet.

Carlisle came home suddenly, at an odd hour in the midday with almost no warning from Alice. We were waiting for him when he entered, expression dark as he tossed his keys in the bowl of the foyer and strode in, taking off his scarf as he explained, "we have a problem."

I tried not to notice his walk this time. It was so confident. Almost a swagger, which was so unlike his polite manner and gentlemanly style. I really did try not to notice. I shook my head trying to get rid of the childish crush faster. It was like trying not to think of an elephant. If someone says not to, what's the first thing you think of? He looked at me so pointedly I was afraid he could read thoughts, that maybe he had caught me red handed.

"Charlie." He said instead.

"What? I thought you were going to say Edward." Alice said.

"Why what's Edward doing?" Carlisle asked at once.

"Nothing yet. He hasn't made up his mind." Alice dismissed. "What's wrong with Charlie?"

"Is he okay?" I asked, instantly worried.

"He's fine." Carlisle huffed. "Actually, I'm impressed."

"What?"

"Charlie has been looking for you, like you said." Carlisle sighed. "He remembered someone mentioning off-handed that we had relatives in Alaska or that you might go to school there. So he started to circulate your flyer all over Alaska. He thinks maybe you ran off again, like to Phoenix."

It made sense. I wrapped my arms around myself. Carlisle squeezed my shoulder then let go.

"Somehow, he ran into someone in Denali who claimed they saw you. He started looking for Edward, and he couldn't find anything. But he tried calling to find out what hospital I worked at and somehow, my hospital got a call."

Alice let out a gasp.

"How bad is it?" Asked Rosalie, arms crossed.

"My job wasn't concerned with missing Americans, not with the quality of my work and my connections." He shook his head. "But clearly, Charlie isn't giving up. He thinks he's onto something now." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Bella, you didn't see anyone in Denali, did you?"

"I did actually."

All eyes were on me. I shifted.

"I came across a couple of hikers."

"Humans?"

"Yes. I kept my distance." I was quick to assure them.

"You didn't attack them?"

"I had just eaten." They still didn't seem to believe me. "And I held my breath. It was only a few minutes. I was looking for where the Denali clan lived. I hope I haven't messed things up for them."

Carlisle shook his head. "I talked to them when I left work. I told the hospital I was upset to hear my son's ex was missing and wanted to call the family. The Denali clan said Charlie came himself to talk to them and that he said we were obviously related. He didn't believe they did not know where Edward was or how to contact him, which makes him look guilty, honestly. What did you say to the hikers?"

"I was asking where they might live, that I wanted to interview them…"

"Interview them?"

"About what?" Asked Rose.

"Um, a missing person."

"Damn." Rosalie swore.

"I'm so, so sorry."

Carlisle held up his hand to stop me. "It's okay, Bella. Remember, this wouldn't even be a problem if we had not left you on your own, if you'd had any way to contact us and did not have to make the journey alone."

"We'll handle this together." Alice assured me, her hands on my shoulder as she stood behind me. "Like we always do as a family. Don't worry."

"I've made bigger messes." Emmett assured me, and I wanted to ask. He winked. "I'll tell you soon."

"So what now?"

"We need to figure out how to get Charlie to stop looking. But I cannot think how. I wouldn't stop." Carlisle said, taking a seat at the table. We all did.

"I mean, I already tried to get him to stop"

"How?"

"I saw him before I left." I admitted, fidgeting with my sleeve.

"In person?" They asked carefully.

I nodded. "Bella, how did you…" Carlisle breathed in awe.

"It's my dad. I wasn't going to eat my dad. I mean, it was hard. But I came in at night, cut the lights, and stood back. He was tired, he'd had a few. I told him I was dead. Told him it was an animal attack. I wanted him to find happiness, that he wasn't going to find anything looking for me. I thought he might think it was a dream. It was only a moment."

No one spoke right away.

"Bella, that took extraordinary restraint. To many, relatives are more difficult to resist. Something about the blood. I think we are going to need to address that your gift, as a shield, may not just protect you against other vampires, it might protect you against bloodlust."

It definitely did not defend against all against normal lust I thought, looking down as if they could read it on my face.

"Well, if Charlie didn't believe his vision, what can we get him to believe?" I asked aloud. No one had any ideas. "What if we cut off my arm and leave it for Charlie to find?"

"Well, apart from just not wanting to rip your arm off, you recall how different vampire's body parts are? Our composition literally changes. He wouldn't find a human tibia."

"Okay so... What if we got a human bone and paid someone off to say the DNA matched? Or maybe broke into my house and planted my DNA on the body."

"Jesus, Bella." Said Alice. "We've been watching too many crimes shows."

"No, it's a good idea." Jasper said, leaning forward on his elbows.

"You're talking about stealing someone's bones. Do we rob a grave or someone's loved one or make sure another missing girl's case is never solved?" Carlisle asked.

"I don't like it either, but we have to do something. Charlie needs to bury a body."

"What about like a serial killer or someone?"

"There aren't a lot of female serial killers, even fewer executed and buried."

"That girl did look a lot like Bella." Alice said, timidly.

"I thought she lived." I said automatically.

Carlisle avoided my eyes, then gave an apologetic half smile. "I'm sorry Bella. I thought you had been through enough. I should know better than to try and shield you by now."

"Yeah, she can do that herself." Emmet joked.

"Well if we don't give him a body, what are our options?" Rosalie asked. "Threatening him?"

"We can't openly risk exposure." Carlisle shook his head. "And even we do find Bella's body, what's to stop him from blaming Edward. Bella had run off with him before and come back seriously injured. Now, Edward is nowhere to be found. The more Charlie digs, the more he plasters Edward's face, the sooner the Volturi catch wind of this. Charlie they'll kil and probably Edward, but if they find we've all put us at risk, they could take out our entire family and the Denalis.

A cold chill ran through us all. There was no more laughing or joking.

"They Volturi haven't noticed anything yet." Alice assured us.

"But they will." Carlisle said, surprisingly pessimistic.

"They may." Said Rose.

"They will." He stood and stared out the glass window. "We cannot let that happen. Bella, do you think you could call Charlie and tell him you've run off? You're an adult now. Legally, he can't track you down if you don't want to be found."

"Tell him to what? Never contact me again? That I left without caring about him or my mom?"

"Bella, I know it's hard to hurt him, but he's in danger otherwise." Rose stressed.

"There has to be another way." I shook my head, but all looked at me, waiting. "No. No way. I've already hurt him before. I can't do that. Besides, it wouldn't work anyway. Unless Charlie saw me alone saying that freely he'd just think I was being held against my will."

"She's right." Carlisle admitted. The others sighed and grunted in frustration.

"Well, there has to be something we can do." I insisted, growing increasingly anxious. I wanted to tear out of there again, go to Charlie and protect him somehow. Carlisle put a hand on my shoulder. This time I felt nothing but a lump in my throat.

"We will do something, Bella." He said, his voice low. I looked away, crying silently. "Maybe if Edward shows up, does a liar detector test."

"His fingerprints? His DNA?" Rosalie demanded.

"He doesn't have to consent to that. He can know when the others are convinced by his explanation. He can provide documents of where he was. He left town a year before she ever went missing. He broke things off, and they had no contact."

I felt hollow at that, like I was hearing it from a long way away. "Stop. Just stop." I managed in a whisper. Carlisle had both of my elbows, carefully from behind.

"Bella, let's sit down. Take a breath. We'll figure it out."

I barely noticed any one of them, focused on Charlie, trying to fight the urge to go there.

Finally, Jasper had an idea. "Bella, there were some disappearances or deaths near Forks, right? Victoria?"

"Yes. People she had fed on or changed." I saw where he was going, I thought. "And there were the attacks when you were there. That's why I thought I'd find the animal attack story likely."

"The man who hunted you in Port Angeles, Edward said he was a serial killer."

"He was?"

Jasper nodded. "He could hear it in his thoughts. If Edward didn't kill him,"

"Edward would do that?"

"He killed Esme's first husband, when he found out how the man treated her." Rosalie informed me. I had no idea how to process this and had no time to do so. "But Carlisle convinced him to turn the guy in, send law enforcement in the right direction." Of course he had. "If Emmett and I can pay him a visit in jail, maybe we can get him to confess to some vampire killings, including Bella's. No harm done."

We exchanged a few looks. It might work. "Of course. We'll need to plant something of Bella's wherever his belongings might be. But if Bella can tell me something, something that will convince Charlie, I think he'll buy it."

"You can get him to confess to something he didn't do?"

"We can be very convincing." Jasper said gentlemanly. I'll bet they could. Between terror and money, it shouldn't be too hard to get him to sing whatever song he wanted. And since this guy was a killer and had tried to kill me anyway, pinning the deaths that lead back to vampires or wolves would protect everyone I cared about.

"Bella, what do you think?" Carlisle asked after a moment.

"I think this is best idea. It protects everyone, and it doesn't hurt anyone innocent. I think we can give the details to make it convincing to Charlie. And I think, I think Jacob might still have the clothes I was in, the bloody ones."

"Jacob?"

"The wolves. He's my friend. Was my friend. Like my best friend."

"Oh." Alice said thoughtfully.

"Besides you." I added immediately. She smiled and tilted her head, indicating this wasn't what she was thinking.

"And what am I? The help?"

"You don't like me Rosalie." I said slowly.

"Carlisle is wrong about you." She took a step towards me, staring me down. I knew I could take her, in theory, but I was still scared.

"Rose," he warned.

"You are an idiot." With that, she spun and her heel, beautiful hair swishing behind her, and left the room. Emmett shrugged. "You hurt her feelings."

"I hurt her feelings?"

"She'll get over it." Carlisle said, stepping in front of me. He took my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. It was almost fatherly. To my surprise, I hated it. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I nodded. "I can get in touch with Jacob through my burner phone to his, emergencies only, let him know where to leave the clothes. And I'll think of something for him to tell Charlie."

"They'll work with us?" Jasper asked.

"Yes. Anything for Charlie and to take any attention to the deaths away from the Res."

"Good. We'll pack." Jasper announced, arms across his chest. Alice seemed fine with the plan so far, giving a shrug. I walked away from them and took out the phone.

A/N: I just want to thank you all so much for the lovely reviews! Hearing from you truly makes my day, and I hope you enjoyed this longer chapter! I have more where that came from. Also, I changed the title, so make sure if you read you're following.