"Ah," Diggs sighed out as he was rolled by a trolley into the injury ward, "Home away from home."
"This should've never happened," Dr Hibbert said disapprovingly with a shake of his head. Diggs's arm had been recast again, three years after the original first break.
I twisted my fingers around each other nervously as the doctor shone a small light into my eyes, before checking me for any dangerous injuries of my own.
"Don't blame Bart," Diggs said to the doctor, looking over to me with a sound smile, "I was the one who accepted the dare."
"Yes, hmm..." the doctor only hummed, placing his chin on his hand in thought. I felt his dark hands touch my muscles and I don't know why, but I felt molested. The doctor moved away from me moments later, saying, "Yep, he checks out okay."
"Urgh..." The two of us glanced away to the ward's opening, Lisa was coming back to her senses as she sat up on the moving trolley that placed her against Diggs's, "Where- where am I?" She asked half zonked and I laughed awkwardly.
"The emergency ward."
"The what?!"
"Hospital," I told her, this time more direct. Lisa's eyes widened and she peeped in horror.
"The hospital?!" her eyes rolled back a little as she wavered there, before fainting again on her bed.
"She faints easily," Diggs said, smiling at her unconscious face, him adding, "I like that in a girl."
"Heh heh, yeah..." I laughed awkwardly. Diggs suddenly burst into laughter too in response to me and he gazed over to the doctor, pointing at him and laughing even harder in uncontrolled hysterics.
"None of this wouldn't have happened if you had been at the psychiatric ward."
"That's not my home." Diggs suddenly said, his expression and voice going completely serious with no interlude to the dark emotions, "It's a prison."
"You have to stay there for a while, Diggs," Dr Hibbert told him, very frustrated but worried for the boy, "Until your medicine kicks in."
"Medicine?" Diggs asked him, laughing half-heartedly, before hissing, "Medicine is for the weak."
"Diggs..." I said afraid, and came over to him, placing my hand on his forearm, "You haven't been taking your drugs?"
"Well.. not really. You see, I had gotten better."
"BECAUSE of your drugs." Hibbert yelled at him, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his finger and thumb.
"YOU don't know that." Diggs replied in an angry whisper, "I could just be growing out of my psychosis."
"For some people, yes." Hibbert admitted easily, but still looked worried over at Diggs, "But for most schizophrenics, its a life long illness."
"I'M NOT ILL!" Diggs suddenly roared at him, his fists clenching and slamming onto his lap. His eyes were getting veiny as tears swelled around them and he uttered, "I'm just different."
"You have to take your tablets, Diggs." The doctor continued, looking at him concerned, "Or else you just keep going downhill."
"My tablets? MY TABLETS?" Diggs yelled at him and picked up a container of anti-psychotics, grabbing a pile of them in his hand and ramming them into his mouth.
"DIGGS! NO!" I yelled at him, my hand reaching out in terror trying to reach him. The doctor was on it instantly as he pressed a red button and nurses and other medical staff rushed in. They grabbed Diggs' arms, pulling them back as they hiemliched him and his spat the drugs out, drool coming down his chin from the pain of the strategy used. Tears began to fall down his cheeks, he hung his head forward in defeat and mustered up the strength to say.
"I'm sorry..." He gulped and the nurses released him as he dropped back on his trolley bed and closed his eyes, crying, "I'm sorry I'm so messed up."
"Diggs," The doctor said to him, getting the medical staff to take away any and all anti-psychotics there was in the room, "I know this is not you. THIS." The doctor said, pointing to Diggs' forehead and the dark man sighed half-dead inside, "Is just you when you're not well."
Diggs sighed heavily and nodded his head, but the tears were still rolling down his face.
"So tell me.." Dr Hibbert asked once again, "Why did you stop taking your medicine?"
Diggs lay there, his eyes clenched tightly closed and he uttered out a few inaudible words.
"What, Diggs...?" The doctor asked him again.
"I thought..." Diggs finally said, biting the bullet, "I thought I was normal again... and taking the drugs meant that I wasn't."
He sat up, his eyes still closed as he dropped his head forward in disappointment, sadness in himself.
"But I'm not normal." He whispered the word and slowly opened his red veiny eyes, looking at the man, then over to me.
I didn't know how to feel in this situation. It felt very intimate and raw. I was too young to be going through these deep existential fears. I was only thirteen, remember? Just barely leaving childhood.
I bit my lip as I look at my friend, and said the only thing I could think of that would help him.
"I'll always be there for you, Diggs."
He nodded his head weakly in return, and I took a breath in as I added.
"But I'm not the one who can help you here." I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply as I was prepared to continue, "You can't stay with me any longer." Diggs' mouth dropped opened and I looked at him, tears almost welling up in my own eyes, "You need professional help, and I c-can't give it to you."
"That's not always being there for me," Diggs uttered quietly in return, and the doctor looked over at me, nudging his head to the exit door, I followed him nervously as the two of us left the room.
"Bart," The doctor said to me quietly outside in the hall, "Diggs is at a very crucial period in his life."
"I know..." I remarked weakly, my eyes looking down ashamed and helpless.
"You don't realize this now, but Diggs needs help. YOU can't be it."
I nodded my head, wiping my runny nose with the back of my hand.
"But you can still help in other ways."
I blinked my sore red eyes up to him and replied, "How...?"
"By being what you said you'd be." The doctor said to me, and I looked at him, needing to hear.
"By being his friend."
"I'm trying! I'm TRYING!"
"Being someone's friend isn't about solving all their problems."
I gulped weakly as he leant down a little to eye level to me and placed his dark hand on my shoulder.
"It's just about being there."
It was then I understood him completely. He was right. I couldn't be the answer to Diggs' mental health. But I could be his answer as a listening ear, a non-judgmental friend that could just be there.
It hurt me inside though, knowing that's all I could be. But what else was there?
I looked back at the doctor as he smiled softly at me, nodding his head.
"... how?" I finally asked, and he stood up straight, directing my eyes back to the glass on the door with Diggs being seen through it on the other side.
"Come visit him once a week. Let him get better slowly and just let him be him, and you be you."
"So that means, cut down on the crazy jokes?"
The doctor chuckled to himself without warning. He quickly realized what he was doing and straightened up his tie replying, "Yes. If it hurts him, don't tease him."
I sighed and nodded my head. That was understandable.
"By the way," I asked him, before he headed back into the recovery ward, "Where's Lisa?"
"Right here," I heard her say, as she dizzily stepped over to me and doctor Hibbet, "They gave me some wake-up drugs, so I am good!"
The doctor took the small container away from her hands and looked at the label of it suspiciously, "These are just tic tacs."
Lisa silenced herself quickly, before yanking them off the doctor and muttered out, "Let's just go home."