Mr & Mrs Aino

by Shaun Garin

For the longest time, Minako Aino had boring parents. That was until Minako foolishly decided she needed to prove she had a Pure Heart. It all spirals from there.

1. Chapter 1

My parents are boring.

My dad works for a international firm while my mother is an actress. Due to the nature of their jobs, we've been moving since I was little. My name's Minako Aino, and my mom and dad are the most boring people in the world. I love them dearly, but sometimes I wish I could have less boring parents. Only Auntie Ranko has been a constant source of fun in my life, having taught me all I know about martial arts. She's a wandering martial artist in an attempt to spread what she calls the Saotome-Tendo Ryu. I sometimes don't see her for a while. But she always comes by when dad is on one of his trips.

Sometimes I wish my parents were less than boring, and I remember long years trying to figure out if there was a latch or something, like a computer bank or like a secret communication relay. But no; my parents are the most boring people in the world.

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Mr. & Mrs. Aino

Written by Shaun Garin

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Day 1

*

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"Tadaima!"

"Welcome home, Minako-chan. Wash up; dinner's on the table."

The smell of Indian in the air told Minako that her mother was doing the cooking tonight. "Great, I'm starving." Said the blonde as she took off her shoes and let Artemis off her shoulder. "Beef curry?"

"Chicken actually," said her mother as she rounded the corner, brushing short hair away from her face. "Minako-chan, you're all dusty!"

"Oh? Oh! Yeah, yeah I know. I walked by a construction site and there was this big ball of dust that hit me," said Minako with a nervous giggle. Artemis sighed, shaking his head.

"That won't do. Go and take a quick shower and toss your clothes in the laundry. Go on, git!" Shooing her daughter upstairs, Mrs. Aino turned to her husband who was slowly eating a plate. "Dear…"

"Mmph?" Crystal blue eyes peered over the paper. "Something the matter?"

"You started without Minako-chan, again." Admonished the house matriarch. "I thought you got over that."

"The old man invited me over for dinner yesterday while I was out," said Mr. Aino as he shook his head. "I didn't get any food that night. But only cause I let him."

"You should really…" Then, cut off from her statement as Minako bounded down in sweats, she sat down after kissing her father on the cheek. "Well no hope for it now. Eat up you two."

*

*

"Dear?"

"Hmm?"

Akane Aino reached up and lowered the paper that her husband seemed to be buried in. "You saw it again today didn't you?"

"Slightly hard not to," replied Ranma Aino with a smirk. "Our little girl was run ragged today. There's signs of stress, and she's all dusty too."

"Do you think she was targeted by those crazies in this district?" inquired Akane as she got under the sheets and laid down. "I'd hate to think we'd have to pull up roots again."

"Move back to Nerima? Surely you jest!" exclaimed Ranma and Akane gave him a evil eye. "All right, I'll trail our little girl tomorrow."

"Do it NORMALLY. In a non-obtrusive stalking manner," said Akane and Ranma nodded. "The last thing we want to find out is that our daughter is wrapped up in something more dangerous."

"Psh. Those stray youma never bothered us before. I'm sure we'll be fine."

*

*

Usagi was very worried for Minako. Ever since her quest to prove that she had a pure heart, she had been running around like a crazed woman, trying to prove she did. Everyone had resorted to stalking her that day, and due to several senshi in the woods and Usagi trailing behind watching Minako chug energy drinks, she didn't notice the car drive up and level a bazooka out the window.

The blast ripped by Usagi and impacted on Minako, and in a terrible tableau, her heart crystal burst free.

"Minako-chan!" cried out Usagi as she watched her friend nearly collapse from the shock. But then something happened. Minako swooped over as she cupped it to her.

Then, Minako laughed, a slightly crazed, unbalanced noise. "It came out… a pure heart!"

"T-that's great Minako! Now put it back!"

Without warning, the young girl was off like a shot, and Usagi pursued, followed by several senshi and Eudial who charged ahead in her car.

*

*

Ranma was on the move when he heard the shot and the scream from his daughter. His heart falling into his stomach, he charged around the corner, snack in his hands. His worst nightmares had come to life: Minako had been finally targeted by the forces of evil in the district.

But before he could say anything, Minako did something he least expected: She scooped up the glowing crystal and letting out a peal of demented laughter, charged by with the family cat on her heels. There was a girl-pile up all of a sudden as Minako's friends tripped over bottles, but Ranma was already after his daughter.

Damnit, Minako, the first thing you do when that happens is you shove that damn crystal back INTO you! What the hell child?!

Taking chase across several blocks with the woman in the car in hot pursuit. He swore and cut across a park and charged into a parking lot, nearly ran into Minako who had slumped down. "Oh no, no, no, c'mon kiddo, don't die on me!"

Cradling the heart crystal in his hands, he swore as he tried to force it back into Minako with little success. "Please princess don't die on me…!"

"You!" snapped the woman and Ranma's head looked up. "Give me that pure heart!"

Ranma saw red. "You wish."

Scooping up his daughter, he said, "My name is Ranma Aino, and you just screwed with our family."

"Like I CARE!" That gun was up in her hands again and she fired, but instead of standing there like an idiot, Ranma leaped high into the air, the black energy blast ripping through the wall behind him. "What?!"

Landing, the man glowered at her. "LEAVE!"

"No! Daimon!"

In a burst of smoke, a daimon broke free from the box and Ranma let out a "tch!"

"HEY! Get away from that girl!" cried out Usagi who had finally caught up to them and Ranma tried not to grumble. "Great. The party gets bigger and bigger."

Running for the door, he skidded to a halt as the Doorknobian threw up walls. "Tch! Damnit!"

"Mr. Aino?" inquired Usagi.

"Talk later." Putting Minako down, he looked at Usagi. "You're her friend. Stay with her. I'll handle this."

"But you can't!" protested Usagi but Ranma was stalking forward, loosening his tie and rolling up his sleeves.

Eudial smirked at the man. "Oh? You're going to fight the Daimon? How interesting. Perhaps the father has a pure heart too."

"Ain't nothing about it," replied Ranma, his eyes becoming chips of ice. The temperature began to lower and both Haruka and Michiru who had snuck in looked at each other in confusion. "You hurt my baby girl, and now you're in for the fight of your life. I've only got one thing to say to you and your freaky demon-thing!"

And he cupped his hands as a brilliant yellow light burst free from it. Eudial let out a squeak of "What the…!?" before he threw his hands forward.

"MOKO TAKABISHA!"

*

*

"Usagi-chan!" exclaimed Ami as she and the Inners ran up. "What happened to Minako-chan?"

Usagi was sitting on the ground, seemingly shell-shocked. "Scary…" whimpered the girl.

"Huh?" inquired Makoto. "What was scary?"

"M-Minako's father… s-scary… tore Daimon apart… bare hands…" With a sob, Usagi grabbed Rei around the waist and cried into her dress.

"Er, there, there?" said Rei, clearly uncomfortable.

Chibi-Usa on the other hand wore a wide grin. "So… he's finally back."

*

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"Welcome ho—MINAKO-CHAN! Is she…?"

"She's hurt, exhausted and burnt out. But she'll be fine," said Ranma, laying his daughter down on the couch. "Akane, get her some water when she wakes up? No wait, juice. And lots of cookies. Considering what I've watched her do all day, she'll need all the energy she can get."

Akane nodded and ran into the kitchen, leaving Ranma to fondly brush a strand of hair away from his sleeping daughter's face. "Oh Mina, you silly goose. Only you'd do something like that."

*

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"A new threat?" inquired Luna. "During this time of crisis?"

Chibi-Usa shook her head. "No, Uncle Ranma's no threat. Well, not unless you hurt Mina-chan anyhow."

"Scary…" muttered Usagi as she leaned on Mamoru for support. The group had retired to Rei's shrine for a recap of the day, and the "glowing reports" on one Ranma Aino was scaring people.

"He's that strong? And he's not reborn?" said Makoto. "He sounds like a powerful martial artist then."

"But why would they be, well, the most normal parents in the world?" inquired Rei. "It doesn't make sense. Shouldn't they be running that dojo in Nerima you told us about?"

"They wanted to raise Minako-chan up right, outside of the dojo," said Chibi-Usa with a shake of her head. "And to do that, they had to take on normal jobs and a different name just to keep the numerous debts the Saotomes and Tendos had cropped up over the years. Right now, Ranma is THE number one martial artist in his world."

"And who's the number two?" inquired Rei.

"His wife, Akane Aino. I know they look different from their original appearances but it's amazing what glasses, a frumpy sweater and housedress makes someone look, right? Like Clark Kent." Said Chibi-Usa.

"Scary…" whimpered Usagi and the younger sighed.

"Grow up Usagi, he only bashed it into the ground hard enough to disrupt the spell matrix."

"And you know this HOW?!" demanded Usagi. "He took it apart with his bare hands! And that ball of light he hurled…!"

"Moko Takabisha, one of two paired techniques. It's a chi blast fuelled on confidence."

"And the other?" inquired Ami.

"Shi Shi Hokodan, a blast fuelled on depression and heavy emotions." Chibi-Usa shrugged. "I never got to learn them myself."

"And by rights you shouldn't! You came back with the intent on being a relatively normal young girl!" exclaimed Usagi.

"In any case, we should go and seek out Mr. Aino for training if he's that strong," said Mamoru.

"Eh, I don't think that's such a good idea," said Chibi-Usa. "We need to fight our own battles. If we involve the Aino's now, they'll level every opponent from between us to Galaxia."

"Who?"

"Long story."

*

*

"!" exclaimed Minako as she sat up suddenly. "Ow, ow, ow…!"

"Mina!" exclaimed Artemis, pouncing on her. "You've been asleep for three days!"

"And I still feel like something the walrus stepped on."

"That's the cat dragged in, and you're right." Artemis sighed. "You seriously gave us a scare with running around like a damn lunatic, trying to prove everything…"

"I don't need a lecture," said Minako, her head bowed. "It was… stupid of me."

"Yeah it was," said Ranma from the door. Akane was right beside him and the pair wore expressions that Minako instinctively didn't like. "Running around like a damn fool, provoking forces unknown… you could have been killed!"

"Ranma…" said Akane as she slipped past her husband and gave Minako a hug. "Your father's just not good with this sort of thing. We're glad you're safe Minako."

"Mom…" Minako wrapped her arms around her mom who was shaking. "You're crying. You never cry."

"Oh you stupid stupid girl, I'm crying because I love you," sniffled Akane. "Minako never EVER give us that kind of scare."

"And I think it's time we started offering our daughter tips on how to fight," said Ranma. "We've let this Sailor V nonsense go on unchecked."

Minako swallowed. "Y-you know?!"

"Oh c'mon, I'm surprised they didn't tell you sooner," said Artemis with a shake of his head.

"Next you'll be telling me that dad beat up the Daimon by himself!"

"Well…" And the Aino's shared a grin. "We'll tell when you're better."

*

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"You mean all this time, I've been living with superpowered family members?" said Minako, her mouth agape. "Quick, do something awesome so that I can confirm this on my own terms!"

The pair looked at each other. And then Akane produced a mallet and hefted it over her head out of nowhere. To which Ranma made a squirking noise of fear.

Minako on the other hand was enthralled. "Can I learn how to do that mom?"

"You're scary even without a mallet out of nowhere," muttered Artemis.

"Say that again?" thundered Minako and the cat shied away from her fury.

"Scary…!"

*

*

"Minako-chan! You're back to normal!" exclaimed Usagi, running up to the girl who looked extremely refreshed.

"Mmm! Definitely! Though I also had a lot of time to work out my tired muscles with these new stretches mom and dad showed me," said Minako.

"So how weird is your parents? On a scale of one to extremely?" inquired Makoto. "Chibi-Usa refuses to let us approach them for training."

"As well as you should! Mom and dad gave me a demonstration. Did you know they can level entire city blocks if they go all out?" replied Minako. "And that's without the ridiculous chi blasts, sealed techniques that can kill youma…"

"Is that why you were out for three days?" inquired Usagi.

"Actually not really," sighed Minako. "I was unconscious for three days and then mom and dad worked at getting me back into shape. Dad wants me to start stretches every morning and notify him when we go into battle." At their expressions, she sighed. "They've known since I was Sailor V."

"Well I guess there's no hiding anything from the Aino's," sighed Makoto.

*

*

"Ranma Aino?" inquired Setsuna as she lowered her tea cup. "Of course I know about him. He was quite the ball of trouble back in the day."

"Did you know him personally Setsuna-san?" inquired Minako, curious to find out more about her father.

"I knew him when he was Ranma Saotome, the most trouble to Crystal Tokyo in the world. Oh don't give me that look Minako, I meant in the way that he's a butterfly, a person capable of defining their own destiny and cockup anyone elses." Said Setsuna. "When he finally settled down, it sort of calmed things down a bit, but that's because he went out of his way to create a second identity for himself."

"So? Spill!"

Setsuna rolled her eyes as she took another sip. "Well, I knew your father form the day he was born. I was young and impulsive, and went to take care of the butterfly before he could reach levels of chaos that would become detrimental to the future. As it turned out, his mother, Nodoka Saotome, was protected by the blood of the Moon Kingdom. In fact, most of your parents are descended from the royal line in one way or another, depending on who you look at. That made Ranma a strictly hands-off situation."

"Did you seriously just say you tried to kill daddy?" growled Minako, and out came a mallet.

Setsuna inched away a little. "Scary…!" Then, recomposing herself, she said, "Like I said, sometimes butterflies cause serious trouble. So I went and checked it out and found out that his history could go in any direction. As such, I let it go and I watched his history unfold. And then all signs pointed to you being his child. That threw me for a loop."

"I dunno if I wanna hit you for wanting to smite daddy or what," sighed Minako, rubbing her head. "So what now?"

"Now? We let them train you until we need their help."

*

*

"Mina? Your entire family is FULL OF CRAZIES," hissed Artemis as he hid his head under his paws.

"Tell me something I DON'T know!" replied Minako as the chaos at the Tendo Dojo had hit full tilt.

The moment the Aino's had stepped into the district, it was like a match set to gunpowder. People came out of the woodwork, Chinese men and women with kids, a Doctor with a skeleton and a charming young wife and their boy. A pair of twins completely lost with fangs. Giant pandas, water based curses, madness galore. And then started in on the collateral damage.

As Minako and Artemis bravely hid under the bed, Nabiki Kuno and Kasumi Tofu drank their tea. "Like old times, huh sis?"

"As if anything ever changed!" giggled Kasumi.

"Come back and take your punishment Ranma!"

"Saotome! Your days with the beautiful Akane is at an end!"

"Ranchan, come try this new okonomiyaki I made in the last few years!"

"Husband try new pork buns!"

"Saotome stop luring my wife when you have one yourself!"

"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOOO!"

"All fucking nuts I swear," groused Artemis as the Tendo's lost another wall.