Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters in the Harry Potter books or movies.

Summary: Harry Potter and Hermione Granger. The star Seeker and the swotty muggleborn have been at each other's throats since their first year at Hogwarts. Their feud has cost Gryffindor more points than the Weasley twins and has now resulted in the two of them being stranded on a deserted island.

Author's Note: This story is set in an Alternate Universe. Therefore, a number of canon events in the Wizarding World didn't happen.

I'd like to thank fredfred and InquisitorCOC for beta-reading.

Chapter 1: The Feud

Diagon Alley, London, July 6th, 1996

"Ron! There you are!"

That was Harry's voice. Ron Weasley turned and smiled at his best friend. "Mate!"

"You're late!" Harry complained, but he was smiling as he clapped Ron on the shoulder.

"Sorry," Ron said. "Mum was lecturing me about being careful and stuff." He shrugged. "You know how it goes." Even though he'd been to Diagon Alley many times before.

"Oh, yes." Harry chuckled. "Dad wanted to teach me Apparition, but Mum forbade it." He frowned. "I'll have to wait until Hogwarts."

"Me too," Ron told him. Not even his argument that they'd be able to save on Floo powder had swayed Mum. Then again, Dad had gotten a promotion, and with the twins having moved out, money wasn't tight any more.

"Well, it's not much longer until we'll finally have our freedom!" Harry grinned widely. "No more being stuck to Hogsmeade! All of Britain will be open to us - whenever we want!"

"Yeah," Ron agreed with a smile. Hogsmeade was nice, but after three years, he had seen everything there was to be seen. "And, speaking of freedom…"

"...we have the whole afternoon and money to burn!" His friend chuckled and patted the side of his robes.

Long practice kept Ron's smile from slipping. He wasn't envious of Harry's money - not really; his family wasn't rich, but they got by - but… it felt bad to freeload. Harry was generous, and it wasn't as if he was throwing around a lot of money, but… Ron had his pride. On the other hand, he also had a sweet tooth, and a girlfriend to spend his allowance on. And if he had to choose between paying his way with Harry or with Lavender, well… Harry was his best friend, but Ron wasn't snogging him.

He felt a little guilty at the thought. He wasn't just with Lavender to snog her. He liked spending time with her. She was nice, she thought Ron was great and she was never boring. The snogging didn't hurt, of course.

"So, where should we go first?" Harry asked. "Quidditch Supplies?"

"Of course!" Ron agreed at once. "They should have the new broom models on display now."

"Oh, yes!" Harry nodded eagerly. Then he frowned. "I still can't believe that Mum forbade Sirius from giving me a Firebolt for my birthday!"

This time, Ron's smile slipped a little. Harry's family was well-off. His godfather, though, was amongst the richest wizards in Britain. But a Firebolt as a birthday present? That was crazy, even for a Black. Ron chuckled anyway. "Seems your mum doesn't want you to run away - no Apparition lessons, no Firebolt… She knows you, mate," he said as they started walking.

Harry scoffed in return. "Well, she doesn't know we'll go to Muggle London after this!"

"Right." Ron thought that Mrs Potter knew - or, at least, suspected - but it wasn't as if Muggle London was dangerous. Not for two wizards who had passed their O.W.L.s. And had been there before. Hell, muggle teenagers went to London all the time!

"You did bring your muggle clothes, right?" Harry asked. Ron saw that his friend was glancing at him.

"Of course I did." T-shirt and trousers, under his robes. "Did you?" Ron made a point at looking at Harry's shoes.

His friend rolled his eyes. "Who's got a muggleborn mum, hmm?"

"Who wore dress shoes with jeans?" Ron grinned. He wouldn't let his friend forget that gaffe anytime soon.

"That's perfectly OK for muggles!" Harry protested.

"Sure, sure. That's why people snickered at us last time."

"They were snickering at us because you were gawking like, like… a first year at Hagrid!" Harry shot back.

"They were looking at you when they were laughing."

"That was because they thought I was cute," Harry retorted.

"Keep telling yourself that, mate," Ron told him. "Who's got a girlfriend?"

"I had a girlfriend, too!"

"Parvati only went out with you once."

"She was boring anyway. Oh, look, the new Nimbus!"

Well, that was an obvious change of subject, if Ron had ever seen one, but Harry was right - there was the new Nimbus 2002 in the display window. And it was beautiful. Sleek, with an improved footrest, double-bound bristles and a shaft that was enchanted to provide the perfect grip. "Bloody hell, I hope Malfoy buys one," Ron said.

"What? Are you crazy?" Harry gaped at him.

"If Malfoy has one, Sirius will buy a set for the entire Gryffindor team." That had happened before, after all.

Harry blinked, then laughed. "Right! And Mum can't do anything if it's for school!" He looked at the display again. "Too bad Malfoy's not here - we could tell him I'm getting one, then he'd get one for sure, and we could truthfully tell Sirius that Malfoy got one."

That sounded a little underhanded. But if it meant that Gryffindor won the Cup for the fifth time in a row, Ron wouldn't complain.

"So, what's next?" Ron asked after they had spent a few minutes looking at the Nimbus and the rest of the shop's stock. "Muggle London?"

"No, let's visit the twins' shop, first." Harry grinned. "I need to check out their new inventions. See if there's something that I can use against a certain witch..."

Ron sighed. Not again. "Mate, I don't think that's a good idea."

"What?" His friend was frowning at him. "You don't even know what Fred and George have invented, do you? Wait, did they tell you?"

"No, no, they didn't tell me." They never did - they preferred to 'surprise' Ron with their pranks. "But… Harry, I'd really like to win the House Cup once while we're at Hogwarts."

"And we will! Now that Fred and Goerge aren't at Hogwarts any more…"

"Harry!" Ron interrupted his friend. "You and Granger lost us more points than Fred and George."

"And we almost got the Cup anyway! So, now that the twins are gone, we'll win the Cup."

Ron closed his eyes and sighed again. "We won't win the Cup if you keep up this feud."

"That's Granger's fault. If she weren't such a tattletale..." Harry scoffed. "Besides, she keeps hexing me!"

Ron shook his head. His friend was great - brave, smart, a superb Seeker - but he just couldn't let go of his feud with Granger. "Look, someone has to take the first step. Otherwise, this will never end."

"Yes, and it's Granger who has to stop being such an insufferable swot!"

"That's what she says about you," Ron said.

"What? You talked to her?"

"Lavender told me," Ron explained.

Harry scoffed once more. "Of course she would take Granger's side - she's her friend."

Her best friend, actually. Which put Ron in a rather unenviable position, as Granger would put it. "Look, how about you just try to, I don't know… not do anything, no matter what she does? Say for a week? See how it works out?"

"It won't work. If I don't take her down a peg, she'll think she can order us around! She isn't even a prefect!"

Of course she wasn't. Granger was the top student of their year - probably all the years; Percy had mentioned something once - but she also had had almost as many detentions as Fred and George. Or Harry.

"Look, just give it a try, OK?"

"Why should I? She should!"

"She will. Probably - Lavender is asking her, too." Ron smiled. "So, how about we skip the shop and head to the cinema? I think there's a new movie out now, and I would prefer to see it in the cinema instead of at Dudley's." Harry's cousin had all the toys and was alright, but his parents were… well, they made the Malfoys look friendly.

"Good point. We still have a bunch to watch that we missed in spring," Harry agreed. "So, let's… oh, no!" He glared at something or someone behind Ron.

"What?" Ron turned and smiled. "Lavender!"

"Ron!" She beamed at him.

"Potter."

And she was with Granger. Great.

Hermione Granger gripped her wand tightly, but didn't take it out of the pocket of her robes. If that git Potter tried anything, she'd be ready. And she'd show him that she had learned a few new hexes since they last fought.

"Granger." Potter sneered at her, then nodded at Lavender. "Brown."

"Potter." Lavender returned the nod, then went to hug her boyfriend. "Ron! I didn't know you were going to Diagon Alley today!"

"Well, it's just a short visit," Weasley replied before they kissed.

Hermione still didn't understand why a decent boy like Weasley - he was a good boyfriend to Lavender, and he was a good prefect - was best friends with such an arrogant jerk. Potter was always insulting her and trying to bully her just because she was better than him.

"And what are you doing here? Trying to empty out Flourish and Blotts?" Potter laughed in his stupid way at his own stupid joke. He was flaunting his wealth, too, with his expensive robes.

"As a matter of fact," she told him through clenched teeth, "we haven't visited any bookshops today. Not that that's any of your business."

"All the books in the world won't change that you're just not quick enough with your wand or on your feet," Potter replied.

She scoffed. "What good is a quick wand if you don't know the right spells?" She tapped her index finger against her forehead. "Duelling is as much a contest of minds as it is of reflexes."

"That's why I keep beating you."

"Keep telling yourself that," she shot back. "Once we're finished with school, you'll find that being able to hex someone in the hallways won't impress an employer."

"But being the best at Defence in our year will impress people."

Oh, he didn't just go there! The only subject where the git beat her! She glared at him. "We'll see who beat whom once the O.W.L. results arrive!" She took a step closer to Potter - she wouldn't let him intimidate her - but then had to crane her neck slightly to keep staring into his eyes.

"Yes, we will!" He bared his teeth at her.

"Harry!"

"Hermione!"

Scoffing, she took a step back. "Yes, we will."

She kept glaring at Potter while Lavender snogged Weasley again. As much as Hermione hated to admit it, the git was right - he was better than her in Defence. Just because of the practicals. And the duels. The only chance she had to beat him there was to out-think him. Learn more spells than Potter. But he was from a pureblood family, and he had access to the Black family library - Hermione had heard him boast about it more than once. And she had seen the 'exotic spells' he used. And felt some of them.

She couldn't compete with that kind of advantage. Not without acquiring an advantage of her own. She glanced at the entrance to Knockturn Alley. It wasn't a place for young witches. But it was also a place where you could buy books that Flourish and Blotts didn't sell. Not illegal books, of course. Just restricted ones. She shouldn't, but… it was afternoon. And a bright, sunny day. And the shop that she had heard about when she had listened - by accident! - to those Slytherins talking in the library was close to the entrance, anyway.

Yes, she thought. She would have to risk it to show the git that you didn't need to have rich parents and godfathers to succeed in Wizarding Britain!

Though as long as she was with Lavender, she wouldn't be able to sneak away. And dragging Lavender into Knockturn Alley… No, Lavender was her best friend, but she wouldn't understand why Hermione had to do this. Several rows over Hermione sneaking into Hogwarts' restricted section proved that.

Fortunately, Hermione had a plan. Sort of. An approximation of a plan. She could improvise, anyway. Despite the git's claims to the contrary, she wasn't useless at thinking on her feet just because she didn't have a Seeker's reflexes. "Hey, Lavender!" She smiled at her best friend. "Let's go to Fortescue's! I want ice-cream."

Lavender nodded. "Of course, ah…" She glanced at Weasley.

"Oh, want to come along?" Hermione asked. "We don't mind." Perfect! Lavender could have fun with her boyfriend, Hermione would be free to leave after a bowl or two without either noticing and Potter would have his afternoon plans upended. Unless the git wanted to drag his supposed best friend away from an afternoon with his girlfriend.

"Ah…" Weasley looked at Lavender, then at Potter. And the git…

...was smiling? "Excellent idea," Potter said. "I'm in the mood for ice-cream myself."

Hermione managed to keep smiling even though she wanted to hex the git.

"Uh… good," Weasley said. "Let's go?"

Lavender nodded, but with evident apprehension. Of course Hermione's friend would know that Potter would ruin their outing.

Harry Potter dug his spoon into the dwindling remains of his serving of Fortescue's Yummy Yule Delight and smirked at Granger. Really, the girl was hopeless at this. As if Harry would ever try to ruin Ron's time with his girlfriend! Sirius had taught him better - you never ruined a mate's chances with a bird. Unless the bird was a Slytherin and ugly. Then you checked for love potions. Or if the bird was Granger. Then you got the poor bloke some help since he was obviously trying to commit suicide by witch.

He caught Granger's scowl and made a little show out of enjoying the next spoonful of the superb ice-cream. "Mhhh!"

"Gross," the girl muttered under her breath.

"No, it's actually excellent," Harry told her with a wide smile.

"Ha ha ha." Granger rolled her eyes. "Don't give up your day job."

"I don't have a day job," Harry shot back.

"Pity. Working for your money builds character. Of course, in your case, there'd be no point. Any character would be crushed by your giant ego as soon as it tried to claw its way out of the basement." Granger bared her teeth at him like a wild animal.

Ha, her hair would fit an animal - it was already escaping her messy ponytail. Perhaps he could cast a Medusa Jinx on her; seeing her own hair attack her would be amusing. On the other hand, they weren't at Hogwarts, and Dad had been quite clear about the consequences of hexing people in the street. Or even Granger.

He swallowed his next spoonful of ice-cream.

"Well, I think I ate a little too much ice-cream," Granger suddenly said. "My stomach's a little queasy - I'm sorry, Lavender, but I think I should head home."

Harry snorted. He recognised a lie when he heard one. Usually. "Bit too much for you to handle, huh?" he asked with a grin.

Granger scoffed. "Funny. Not."

"I think I might have a potion…" Lavender started to say.

"No, no, it's just a little queasiness," Granger protested at once. "No need to waste a potion on it, but thank you for the offer." The girl awkwardly smiled at Ron's girlfriend, nodded at Ron and then left after dropping some coins on the table.

"Don't get lost!" Harry yelled after her.

"Harry!"

"Potter!"

"What?" He frowned at them. "It was just a joke. She did get lost in the dungeons, remember?"

"That was five years ago," Lavender said with a glare.

"Five years ago? Wow, time flies! Not that you'd be able to tell by looking at Granger; she only got taller. And meaner."

"Mate…"

Harry held up his hands. "Sorry, sorry. But you heard her." He shook his head. "Anyway, I'll leave you two lovebirds alone and head over to the twins' shop. The ice-cream's on me!"

He stood, dropping a few more coins on the table.

"Thanks, mate," Ron said.

"Thank you," Lavender added. She looked more annoyed than grateful, though.

Harry sighed as he left the parlour. Ron was his best friend, but did he have to get involved with Granger's best friend? Couldn't he have picked a girl whose best friend wasn't such a shrew? And was hot and single?

He chuckled. Well, Ron was happy with her, which was what was important. He'd find a girlfriend of his own. Dad had told him that he should never give up.

He was halfway to the shop, pondering what to buy - apart from everything new in the shop - when he spotted Granger. Heading into Knockturn Alley.

Harry grinned. That was perfect! With a little luck, he'd be able to catch her in the act of buying something illegal!

He was about to follow the witch when she suddenly turned. Harry managed to hide behind an elderly couple complaining about the prices of enchanted hats before she could spot him, though - Granger was just too slow.

But when he peered around the wizard in front of him, she had already disappeared. Into Knockturn Alley.

He cursed under his breath and quickly rushed across the street. He hid behind the corner and peered down Knockturn Alley. Where was the stupid witch? There! Her hair was unmistakable. And she was already past the houses lining the entrance - the safer part of Knockturn Alley.

Where was she going, anyway? She didn't actually have… 'business' in there, as Uncle Peter would say when he told stories?

For a moment, Harry hesitated. Dad would freak if he went deeper into Knockturn Alley. Mum would freak if he went into the alley, period. Rose… didn't matter.

Then he went inside anyway. If Granger could do it, he could do it better! He was a Gryffindor! And the son of war heroes, not dentists!

Not that Granger could do it, anyway - the witch was pants at Defence. Easy prey for everyone in the alley. Hell, he'd better hurry before a hag grabbed her as a snack. She had probably heard about some bookshop and gotten lost. He'd save her from her own stupidity as his good deed for the day. That would settle once and for all who was better.

But where was Granger? She couldn't be too far ahead, but Knockturn Alley was as crooked as the creatures who dwelled there, as Dad often said, twisted where Diagon Alley was straight, so he couldn't see further than about fifteen yards.

Granger wouldn't actually go so far down the alley, would she? She wasn't that stupid. And she was always on Harry's case about 'dangerous stunts' or whatever - it wasn't his problem if others who weren't as good as he was tried to imitate him.

He cursed under his breath, then dashed forward to the next turn. No Granger in sight. Just some… was that a hag, or a witch who had hit every branch of the ugly tree coming down, as Dudley would put it?

The witch suddenly smiled, revealing crooked but very sharp teeth. Harry dashed back around the corner. Damn. It was a hag. Had she seen him? He had to move. But what if Granger…? No. Granger was useless at Defence, but she would've called for help, at least. Or used some weird spell to make a scene. So… she must be in one of the dozen shops he had passed on the way here.

None were bookshops, alas, or he would know exactly where to find her. But he needed to move, just in case the hag had seen him. If only he had the Cloak of Invisibility, but Mum had confiscated it after her last talk with McGonagall, and Dad hadn't yet managed to convince her that Harry should have it back.

Bah, he was a Gryffindor. And the best duellist in his own year and the year above. Which, now, meant the best in all of Hogwarts. He scoffed and entered the closest shop.

And left again, fighting the urge to retch. Who wanted to buy decomposing cadavers of various animals? He sniffed his robes - he could still smell the stench.

He shook his head. This was all Granger's fault!

Knockturn Alley, London, July 6th, 1996

This was great! Coming here had been the best idea she'd had in quite some time! Hermione Granger smiled widely as she went through the stack of used books in 'Leopold's Slightly-Used Goods', as the shop called itself. A first edition of 'Spells for all Situations'! Granted, it lacked a considerable number of modern spells, and about half the spells in it had been refined and improved since the first printing, but she had already found half a dozen spells which had been removed from subsequent editions. She was definitely buying this one!

She put it aside and looked at the next book in the stack. Oh! Hogwarts: A History! No. She shook her head. She didn't have an unlimited budget, unlike an arrogant rich git she could name, so she had to prioritise. She already had two editions of her favourite book; she had to focus on books that would help her get one over on Potter the next time the jerk tried to hex her.

Sighing, she put the book back. On to the next one. 'Once Around Africa on a Broom'? She took a glance at the first few pages, then sniffed and closed it. She had no need for a 'captivating tale about braving the countless dangers of the African wilderness before the Great Intervention', as the preface described the work. She would bet that the author didn't portray the African magical civilisations that the ICW had wiped out in the 'Great Intervention' objectively. She snorted - she doubted that the author had actually been to Africa at all; his style reminded her of Lockhart's, and that author made Rita Skeeter look like a paragon of honest reporting!

Shaking her head, she dropped the book back into the box.

Priorities.

But this one looked promising. 'Exotic Jinxes, Hexes and Curses: A Collection'. She checked the printing date. 1853. Hm. Most of the spells would be outdated, but that wouldn't matter too much if she found one that had fallen out of use - Potter wouldn't be prepared for it.

She started skimming it, suppressing her slight guilt at reading a book she hadn't - yet! - bought while repeatedly glancing at the wizard at the counter to check if he had noticed. But the saleswizard didn't seem to be paying attention to her at all. Or was he the shop owner? Most wizarding shops seemed to be operated by their owners and families. The closest to store chains she had seen in Wizarding Britain were Gladrags Wizardwear and Zonko's, and they only had three shops and two shops respectively.

There were no corporations at all, actually - Wizarding Britain didn't recognise the concept of corporate bodies. Apparently, it was based on the view that you needed to be able to wield a wand to be considered a person. She clenched her teeth at the reminder that no matter how much Dumbledore and his allies had done to reform Wizarding Britain into the most progressive wizarding country with regard to muggle and muggleborn rights, that was actually a very low bar to clear. Barely higher than three matchboxes.

She chuckled under her breath - she could name a few of her fellow students who'd have a good chance of winning the Upper Class Twit of the Year. Unfortunately, Wizarding Britain's upper class was, by and large, not quite as inbred as that. With some notable exceptions, even the old pureblood families were not averse to having their scions marry talented half-bloods. Some families even had no problem with their heirs marrying exceptional muggleborns. Such as the Potters.

She scoffed. To think that a witch like Lily Potter - Hermione had read up on the other witch after Professor Slughorn had compared her, favourably, to Mrs Potter in second year - had raised such an entitled git as her eldest child! It was probably the fault of the father. By all accounts, Mr Potter had been as bad as the Weasley twins during his time at Hogwarts, only worse since he was from an old and rich pureblood family.

Not an Old Family, though. The Potters didn't have a seat in the Wizengamot. At least Hermione didn't have to look forward to seeing her personal nemesis lord it over her all her life, even after they both had their N.E.W.T.s.

She drew a hissing breath through clenched teeth. It was so unfair! Potter had all the advantages: money, family connections, lots of friends - most students were crazy Quidditch fans who worshipped anyone who did well in that stupid game. He was even famous, sort of - even though all he had done to defeat Voldemort was to cry in his crib while Dumbledore and the entire Order of the Phoenix ambushed the Dark Lord in Godric's Hollow. The Bait Who Lived.

She grinned. Potter hated being called that. And while it was Malfoy who kept calling him that, Hermione had thought of the insult first! That would teach the git to call her a nightmare just for correcting his pronunciation!

Oh. She was gripping the book a little too hard… the page now had a tear in it. Well, she was buying it anyway. At the price she had been told, it was a steal! She put it aside and picked up the next book. 'Vampires, Werewolves and Veela.' Oh. She had heard of this one. A bigoted bundle of lies written by a jealous witch.

She dropped it back into the box with a sniff. She was after knowledge, not propaganda. Specifically, useful knowledge. As much as it was good to pursue knowledge for knowledge's sake, sometimes - especially in her current situation - you needed to focus on what benefitted you the most.

'Potions & Poisons'? That sounded, well… dangerous. But also interesting. She hadn't used potions much - not because she couldn't brew them; quite the contrary - but because the ingredients were generally too expensive for just putting one over on Potter. Unless he really needed to be taken down a peg. But if the book contained something useful and cheap to brew… Not all poisons were really harmful, anyway. Something that temporarily discomforted Potter would be perfect.

After all, the git liked to use potions on her - or whatever cursed confectionery the Weasley twins had thought of this week. Potter still owed her for the box of Honeydukes Finest Chocolates he had ruined. Or rather, she owed him retaliation.

"No, I don't want a 'perfectly safe cursed item'!" Harry Potter yelled over his shoulder as he left another shady shop. If only these shops had big display windows so he could tell from the outside if Granger was inside! Of course, people wouldn't shop in Knockturn Alley if that was the case. The things he had seen in the handful of shops he had visited… He shuddered.

But he couldn't feel sorry for himself - he had to find Granger. And for her own sake, too. Dad had told him and Rose what kind of things happened to kids who entered Knockturn Alley on a dare or for a lark. In great detail. Rose had had nightmares for a few days afterwards. Granger had no idea of the risks she was taking - she wouldn't be the first witch to disappear in the alley. Especially if it was obvious that they were a muggleborn.

He shook his head and entered the next shop. 'Leopold's Slightly-Used Goods' - a fence, then. Probably. He nodded at the wizard behind the counter, but the man barely looked up.

Harry refrained from commenting on the quality of the customer service. There was a time and place for quips, and this wasn't either. Besides, the less attention the wizard paid to him, the better - he was here to look for Granger, not to buy stolen goods.

Even, he reminded himself, when they would be a steal, such as the Nimbus 2000 there. Harry knew exactly what the going rate was for such a broom, used, and this was half of it! On the other hand, the broom might be broken or cursed. This was Knockturn Alley, after all; few shops cared about the safety of their customers. Although Mum could probably straighten out any spells on the broom… but she'd ask where he'd bought it.

No, he wasn't here to buy stolen goods. He nodded firmly and left the basket full of brooms to check the rest of the aisles. Of which there were a lot - Extension Charms on the room, of course.

Now where would Granger be? He snorted. Stupid question. She'd be going after books. He still wasn't ruling out that she was a mutated vampire who needed books rather than blood to live, even if Luna claimed she had checked for that last year.

He snorted at the memory - Granger had blown up spectacularly when Luna had told her that she wasn't a book vampire, but might still be affected by garlic if it was spread on paper.

Books, he reminded himself, looking around. Ah! In the back, there were shelves with books. And boxes. And he could hear someone muttering to themselves about abused covers… Granger!

Smiling, he silently closed in. There she was, bent over a box of books. Oblivious to the world. This would be the perfect opportunity to cast a jinx on her - to teach her situational awareness just like Sirius and Peter had taught him.

Nah. He'd done that before. Instead, he stepped up to her, then cleared his throat. "Fancy meeting you here, Granger!"

She jumped and straightened up with a startled gasp, whipping her wand out as she whirled, but he had expected that and grabbed her wrist before she could react. "Nuh-uh! You wouldn't want to violate the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery, would you?"

"Potter!" she spat. "What are you doing here? And let go!"

He released her hand - but kept his wand ready, of course. The Trace didn't work in Knockturn Alley, and if Granger was aware of that, she might try something. "I saw you enter this disreputable location and thought I better keep an eye on you before some hag turns you into dinner." He grinned at her. "And what are you doing here? Trying to buy stolen goods, hm?"

"This is a second-hand shop!" she retorted.

"Exactly!"

"Oh, you…!" She shook her head. "Whatever. Go away!"

He rolled his eyes. "You're in Knockturn Alley, you idiot. If I had been a kidnapper, you'd already be stunned."

She had the audacity to scoff at that. "I don't need anyone to keep an eye on me - certainly not you! If anything, you're the greatest threat here. You and your irresponsible spell-casting!"

"Irresponsible? You have no idea how dangerous this place is!" he told her, clenching his teeth.

"And you do? Are you a regular here? Or are you going to tell me how you know all about this thanks to your father?" She scoffed again. "You and Malfoy are more alike than either of you wants to admit."

Oh, she did not just go there! "I'm nothing like that bigot!" he snapped, glaring at her.

She sneered in return. "Really? Both of you are far too arrogant for your own good. And both of you flaunt your family's wealth and fame."

"You take that back! And the Malfoys aren't famous!" More like infamous!

She smirked. "Oh, did I hit a nerve? Don't like facing the truth about yourself?"

"Hah! Says the most arrogant witch in the whole school!" He imitated her nasal voice: "Oh, I'm so smart, so much smarter than anyone else. Muggles have so many books you've never read, you know? They can do so many things without magic that you have no idea about! And you should work on your pronunciation blah blah bah..."

Hah! She was glaring at him. "Your jealousy is talking, I see. Your mother must be so disappointed that you have no idea about her culture!"

"I visit my muggle relatives often!" Pretty often, at least. "I know about muggle England!"

"Like a tourist, I guess." She sniffed. "Now go away - I need to sort through more books." She made a shooing motion at him.

"You wish." He shook his head. "I am not joking or lying - this is dangerous. There could be curses on those books. Leave them - we're going!"

"I'm not going anywhere. Least of all with you!"

He had tried being nice. But if the stupid witch wouldn't listen… He reached for her wrist again. He could just drag her out - she was a bookworm while he had gone through Ollie Wood's crazed training regimen. And Sirius's duelling training.

She tried to evade his lunge, but he managed to grab her robes - and avoided her attempts to kick him in return. "Stop being stupid!"

"Let go!"

"Come on!"

He managed to grab both her wrists, but she kicked him in the shin, hard, and he released her with a yelp.

She stumbled back, her eyes widening, and fell into the shelf behind her. Stuck to the floor, it didn't budge - but her flailing arm got entangled into some coiled rope, and when she fell to the floor, the rope came with her, uncoiling like a whip.

Harry grabbed the end lashing out towards him out of reflex - and suddenly felt as if a hook behind his navel was yanking him away.

Portkey, he realised as the shop disappeared. The stupid witch had managed to activate a Portkey!

Unknown Location, July 6th, 1996

Hermione Granger felt nauseous when she finally stopped spinning and fell down into… sand? Wet sand, she realised while she was still shaking her head and fighting the urge to retch. Portkey, she thought. We've been transported by a Por... "Potter!" she snarled and looked around as she pushed herself up to a kneeling position. She was on a beach - at the sea.

The stupid boy had fallen into the sand next to her and was rolling on his stomach, then rose. "You idiot! You activated a Portkey!"

"Me?" She scoffed. "You grabbed me!" This was his fault!

"I let you go!"

"After I kicked you!"

"Yes. And then you grabbed the Portkey!" He was sitting in the sand and glaring at her.

He was blaming her for this? "I didn't grab anything - I fell into a shelf because of your actions!" Potter had grabbed her, trying to manhandle her out of the shop.

"I wouldn't even have been there if you hadn't been stupid enough to enter Knockturn Alley!"

"What? Do you really think there are monsters waiting to ambush people as soon as they take a step into Knockturn Alley? During the day?" She scoffed again. "Do you also think that you'll get mugged as soon as you take the subway in New York?" She had heard those stories too, after all. Exaggerated, no doubt.

"What? What does New York have to do with this? We're talking about Knockturn Alley! The most dangerous area in Wizarding Britain!" He shook his head as if he couldn't follow her.

"Really? Let me guess: Your father told you that." Typical.

She saw him clench his teeth. "As a matter of fact, yes, he did," he spat. "And he's the Head Auror - he knows best about such things!" He sneered at her. "Or are you an expert in wizarding crime statistics?"

She snorted in return. "No, but I know you. I bet you wanted to visit the alley, and so he had to scare you off with tall tales!" She grinned and cut him off when he opened his mouth to protest. "And he would do it, too - I've heard the stories about him." And they weren't half as funny as Potter thought they were.

That shut him up, and he narrowed his eyes at her some more. "That doesn't change the fact that it's your fault!"

"Don't blame me for your mistakes! I was perfectly fine!" She told him. Really! She stood, swaying for a moment before she found her balance in the soft sand.

He stood as well. "And now we're perfectly lost! And it's your fault."

"Stop blaming me for your own mistakes!" she snapped. "And we're not completely lost - we're on a beach by the sea."

"On a beach that could be anywhere," he told her.

"Not anywhere," she replied, pointing at the palm trees behind them. "We're obviously in the tropics or subtropics."

"Obviously." He sneered at her. "You're thinking like a muggle, Granger. We're wizards. We could be anywhere."

That stung. "Occam's razor," she shot back. Not that he would know what that meant. "The simplest explanation is usually the right one."

"Not when magic is involved!"

Oh, the stupid boy! "In any case, whether we're in the tropics or subtropics, or in the Arctic, the climate is clearly tropical. Humid and hot. And if we track the shadow cast by the sun over the course of a day, we'll be able to determine, roughly at least, the latitude of our location."

He stared at her. He should know that as well - they had, unfortunately, spent five years in Astronomy together! After a moment, he shook his head. "Do you really want to spend a day on this beach tracking a shadow?"

Hermione huffed in return. "Of course I don't want to." She wasn't stupid! "But we need to find shelter, and, if possible, food, until we're found." For fresh water, there was a spell.

He shrugged. "It won't take long for Mum and Dad to find us. And they can send us food and a wizarding tent with Hedwig. And a Portkey home."

She frowned, then nodded. He was right. It wasn't as if they had been shipwrecked in the middle of the ocean, with rescue weeks away. "We should still prepare for the worst," she said. "Just in case." It was the sensible thing to do.

Which, of course, didn't mean that Potter would see sense - the boy was far too arrogant for his own good.

But, to her surprise, he nodded. "I guess we don't have anything better to do, anyway."

She rolled her eyes. Potter just couldn't admit that she was right. Typical! "So, we should… Oh! I'm stupid!" She exclaimed.

"Yes?"

Hermione glared at him, then drew her wand, grinning when he suddenly tensed. "Avis!"

A flock of birds appeared and circled her. One of them went over to peck at Potter's hair.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"Saving us," she told him. "We're underage - and I just did magic. The Trace will alert the Ministry." And, as she had found out in the summer before second year, the Ministry was very quick to respond to such incidents.

"Ah." He nodded, but with obvious reluctance. "That might work."

"It should work," she corrected him. "And it will work faster than waiting until someone notices that we're missing." She looked around - last time, the owl had appeared almost at once.

"Unless you're breaking the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery in London, the Ministry owl will take some time to reach you," Potter said, smirking.

She clenched her teeth. "You said we could be anywhere, didn't you?" She snorted. "In any case, let's see if we can find shelter or some fruit or something."

She was feeling a little hungry, after all, and they'd probably have to wait for a few hours, at least.