Chapter 29 – I Care for You, I Always Will

He was trying.

It didn't always seem that way, but he really was.

Breath leaving him with a sharp exhale, he tried and failed to ignore the stinging that washed over him when he stepped inside the shower cubicle. It wasn't the worst pain in the world – in fact, as of late, he was surprised that it even registered at all – but the first few seconds of showering always caused such a natural reaction.

He looked to his hands. They were no longer trembling as they had been just an hour ago, though they were still spotted red and he made quick work of washing the evidence away, ensuring not a speck was left behind, including beneath his nails.

The last thing he wanted – or needed – was for interference, even though he knew those people meant well. What he was doing or did was the quickest, easiest way of managing his explosions of anger and while he would have preferred not turning on himself as an outlet, he knew he would rather hurt himself over and over again than hurt her.

He couldn't hurt her again.

Sasuke knew that he was many things. Harsh, emotionally unstable, calculating, unpredictable, sometimes even downright cruel. But he was not an idiot.

He knew if he kept lashing out the way he did, taking his anger out on one of the very few people who loved him unconditionally, then he would lose her. Unconditional love or not, Sakura was teetering on the edge of a full-blown mental breakdown and Sasuke was aware of the fact that he was the cause. Should he push too hard in any kind of way, then she would fall off that edge. He could feel it in the twisting of his stomach that Sakura would leave him if their relationship didn't change enough to pull her back from that edge. Every day she was just that little bit further from him.

Tipping his head back, Sasuke shut his eyes, muscles finally relaxing in the hot spray of water.

It was the first time in a while that Sakura wasn't staying the night and although part of him felt cold in response to her absence, there was a greater part of him that breathed a huge sigh of relief.

She just couldn't stay there any longer. Every moment with his dysfunctional family was detrimental to her mental health – and he was no better for her. He could finally see that.

The thud of his fists hitting the wall was almost covered by the shower.

Itachi spoke too much sense, but Sasuke wasn't so far gone in his own downward spiral to dismiss his words or be too proud to accept them.

As he was, he was no good for Sakura. His brother attempted to soften the blow from his words, dressing them up to make them nicer, but he got the gist. He could read between the lines. Itachi was too kind to outright call Sasuke what he was, but it didn't matter, because he already knew.

He was an abuser, just like their father.

But apparently there was help out there for people like him and he'd already sat through three sessions of cognitive behavioural therapy (too scared to admit to Sakura that it was more than one, because what if he wasn't improving?). At first, he'd believed the therapist to be droning on and lecturing him more than helping but following Sakura's advice of continuing the sessions rather than giving up, after the most recent session, Sasuke's eyes were opened and he accepted that it would be a long process, for there was so much shit in his head that it couldn't be rushed through.

He appreciated the therapist. The man was shockingly blunt – more so than he'd ever believed a therapist could be with a patient – and his points and observations hit home every time. Each appointment was a mystery to Sasuke because he never knew whether he'd come out of it drained, frustrated or relieved.

Breathing deeply, he washed away the evidence of his tortuous workout, body aching with fatigue.

Tomorrow was his first session with Sakura joining them. He was warned that it could be more draining than the others, simply because he would be opening himself up to two people – one being the most important person in his life.

The thought of Sakura seeing the darkest side of him was unsettling. Already, she'd caught glimpses of the rage that relentlessly tried to consume him and each time, she expressed the same fear and anxiety that provoked said rage further. Try as he might to ignore the anger or to push it away, Sasuke found the only successful way to deal with it was to purge it from his system. Sometimes, he had to give in to it to be free of it.

His jaw clenched and he glanced down at the developing bruises marring his otherwise pale ribcage.

So wound up in his own mind and emotions during training, he hadn't even realised how spent his body was until it gave up on him. The anger that usually drove him further despite physical exhaustion faltered when his mind did, and he'd collapsed to the ground, almost crushed beneath weights.

The… accidents (not purging the anger, but accidentally causing himself harm) were happening more often as of late. Nicking himself one too many times while shaving, weights overcoming him, clenching his fists to the point of causing his palms to bleed, catching himself with one tool or another while working on his car – even when it didn't need any servicing. They were little things, unnoticeable things. But they took his mind off the rage.

That was all that mattered, since as of late, he'd been feeling nothing but.

When Sakura awoke, she was hanging precariously in a state of bliss, the warmth of the embrace they'd apparently refused to move out of threatening to lull her back to sleep. It certainly didn't help when she felt Itachi gently and slowly tickling her back, relaxing her sore muscles even further.

"Good morning," he murmured, lips brushing her hair and evoking a wonderful shiver on her part.

She wished she could sleep and wake in such an incredible mood alone, because she hadn't felt such peace in way too long. For the first time in forever, Sakura felt well rested. There'd been no nightmares to terrify her, no dreams that left her broken and lonely when she awoke from them. Just… Just peaceful darkness.

"Morning," came her hoarse response.

Despite knowing it was wrong, she snuggled closer into Itachi's chest and pressed her ear over his heart. The steady beating complemented his ministrations and relaxed muscles pleasantly, for it showed her there were no ulterior motives. He was savouring their tranquil morning just as much as she was.

"How's your head?" she asked after five long, happy minutes.

Sun filtered through the gaps in the curtains she hadn't shut properly, brightening some parts of the room and bringing out the soft pastel shade of the wallpaper. Until that moment, it'd looked like a dull off-white colour, but now they could see that it was an opening shade of soft yellow.

"Much better," Itachi told her. The fingers teasing her back with their grazing tickling never ceased for a moment and Sakura shut her eyes once more, basking in the feeling. "Thank you for taking care of me."

Anytime, her heart wanted her to reply with. Instead, Sakura smiled and shook her head, nose nuzzling his collarbone as she did. "You're always taking care of me – you can lean on me whenever you need to."

A sigh, though it certainly didn't sound negative to her, especially not when he pressed another kiss to the top of her head. "Thank you."

She savoured his comfort. The once ever-present loneliness that weighed her down was nowhere to be seen, fearfully retreating to the recesses of her mind in response to his presence and allowing Sakura to enjoy the moment while it lasted. Chances were, it would be the only opportunity to do so.

Laying there in his arms, waking up in his arms, was like nothing she'd ever experienced before. It was like they were whisked away from the shitstorm that was their lives, granted safety and tranquillity in their personal bubble. A place where they were free and comfortable and happy, where life was simple.

They remained locked in their embrace for the longest time until she excused herself to use the bathroom, informing Itachi upon her return that they had unopened, spare toothbrushes if he wanted to use one. Her mother was a stickler for stocking up on everyday items, just in case. Sakura wasn't sure what she was permanently stocked up for – an apocalypse, perhaps?

"When do your parents return?" he questioned when he entered the bedroom once more and joined her on the bed. Much to her chagrin (because it quickly became apparent that she was a shameless pervert who couldn't keep her eyes off him), Itachi remained shirtless – didn't even look in the direction of said shirt.

What did she say? The truth? That they wouldn't be home for a couple of days, or lie to try and make an excuse for him to leave? To make his leaving easier by removing temptation?

But…

She didn't want to be alone.

"Not for a few days," she replied truthfully despite her mind's protests. "They're on a camping trip."

Not that they were ever really around much anyways. At least, not when she was. They both worked gruelling hours, so having the place to herself wasn't exactly a novelty. It was partly the reason why she never really stayed home all that often growing up, instead bouncing between staying at Ino's place (because even while going through a divorce, Ino was still showered with affection and her parents' undivided time) or, later, Sasuke's.

"What about you?" Sakura asked when the silence dragged on. "What about work?"

"Work…" Itachi sighed deeply and reclined against her pillows, looking so uncomfortably right there that it rendered her immobile for the longest time, unable to do much else than watch. "It may or may not be worth the trouble later, but it can wait."

"May or may not…?" As in, she may or may not be worth the trouble? Or was that her anxiety giving itself an unwanted say in the matter?

"Resting," he reworded the sentence to reassure her, smiling faintly. "Depending on who I deal with when I return home, the rest may or may not be worth it."

While it personally made her feel better, Sakura found that the anxiety wound around her heart was unyielding, continuing to weigh her down knowing that Itachi would receive some form of punishment when he eventually returned home. It was nearly enough to make her recklessly stupid.

"Could it be Madara?" she questioned unsurely, frowning. Part of her selfishly didn't want to hear the answer, because if it was him, then she knew she would allow her personal fear of the man to cloud her judgment.

A small smile pulled at the corners of his lips. "Regardless of who it is, I am sure it will still be worth it."

Cheeks flushing and unable to ignore the swell of wrong emotions within her – emotions that only seemed to grow whenever she caught his eye – she averted her gaze, though wasn't surprised in the least to find that it didn't help whatsoever. She was still acutely aware of his shirtless presence in her bed, right beside her. The place where they'd almost given into their wants the night before.

"Yeah, you need the break," Sakura said lamely, shoving the reminder of the night before to the back of her mind. Then, more inquisitively, she asked, "Are the migraines frequent? Shisui made it seem like you've always had them."

"You spoke to Shisui?"

Wasn't she supposed to? She frowned, heart stuttering at the thought of him getting mad at her for opening her mouth. "Yeah… He took your car to his place. Just in case." A pause. She bit her lip, wiping her sweating palms on her shorts. "Should I have…?"

But Itachi was quick to silence her anxieties, saying softly, "He worries too much, that's all."

And of course nobody was allowed to worry about Uchiha Itachi. It was always him worrying about everyone else.

Her frown deepened. "So they are frequent."

His momentary lapse into silence alerted Sakura to it being a sensitive subject and for a few long moments, she was certain that that was it. Itachi wouldn't continue the conversation any further. However, he surprised her with a weighty sigh.

"Ever since I was a child, I have been under a lot of pressure. A doctor implied that my migraines are due to my environment."

Realisation had Sakura's frown returning. "I'm guessing you never saw that doctor again, right?"

"Not even in passing."

Fugaku was a goddamn bastard, but what's more, she hated herself for never noticing just how truly vile he was until Itachi's return. Instead of being a bystander and assuming all that came from their father's mouth were harsh words and unbearable pressure, she should have woken up from her infatuation with Sasuke at a younger age and noticed just what the hell was going on.

However, would it have made much of a difference? In the grand scheme of things, she highly doubted it. But could it have made a difference for Sasuke's general well-being? Interfering and protecting him… Was she even capable of doing that, considering how anxious merely witnessing the toxicity of the Uchiha family made her? No. Chances were, she would've only made it worse for her boyfriend, because despite his flaws and wrongdoings, Sakura could see that he genuinely cared for her and was trying his best. It potentially could have gotten worse if she intervened in some way or tried to break him away from it all.

Meeting Itachi's eye once more, she couldn't help but half-ask, half-demand, "Why did you leave him behind?"

It was one thing she simply could not get her head around. Itachi claimed to love his brother dearly, to always want to protect him, but how was she supposed to believe that when he'd abandoned him once before? When they were finding it so difficult to stay away from one another? Granted, she couldn't really blame Itachi for the latter – she was struggling just as much and could feel how intense that magnetic pull was between them, refusing to keep them apart for long.

No offence was taken from her harsh question, but Sakura could tell it unsettled him. She could see the guilt growing in his eyes. "My assumptions were wrong. I believed our father would remain fixated on my studies as he usually does – more than ever, in fact, due to my studying abroad and his having little control over what I do."

She could see that, in a way. And it also explained why Itachi took on so many courses all at once. Everyone was entitled to their fair share of mistakes, but did that really take away from the fact he'd left Sasuke behind, knowing exactly what he was leaving him to face?

"But that didn't happen, as you are well aware."

Itachi breathed another heavy sigh and shut his eyes, rubbing at his forehead in such an open display of emotion that it made her wonder if she had ever seen anything like it from him. In that moment, he allowed her to witness his exhaustion and guilt and regret and it… Strangely enough, it pleased her, because that meant he was letting her in, didn't it?

"Father did fixate on my studies, but simultaneously viewed my choice of university as an act of rebellion."

"Was it?"

"Some would view it as such, yes."

"Do you?"

"Sometimes," Itachi responded wearily. "He has almost complete control over the university here, meaning I would have no control over my own future."

She wasn't afraid to call him out with a simple, "But you don't. You have to take over the company."

Shuffling on the bed, she crossed her legs in front of herself, elbows resting on her knees as Sakura leaned forward. The slight ache of the unstretched muscles in her thighs, hips and groin informed her that she'd failed to cool down after such a horrific workout with Sasuke the day before – she dreaded to think how much worse the pain would get.

"But choosing my own degrees allows me a safety net, so to speak." His eyes were drawn to the way she languidly pushed down on her knees, observing the way Sakura attempted to soothe her aches by stretching the tired muscles out. "Should I somehow find a way out, I am not starting entirely from scratch."

"Does he really have that much power?" she questioned uneasily, frowning. "To be able to block you from certain courses?"

"Yes. He will no doubt do the same to Sasuke."

And Sasuke would go along with it, too. She could tell Itachi's thoughts mirrored hers when their gazes met, and her heart sunk in response to the reluctance in his eyes. As badly as he wished he could change the future for Sasuke, or at the very least change their circumstances, they both knew deep down he couldn't. She'd been given the scholarships, not him.

"Can't he take extra courses–" Sakura cut herself off with a sigh. "He's struggling enough as it is."

"I can't blame him for going along with our father's orders."

It made for an easier life for him.

Giving up with trying to ease her muscle aches (who was she to whine about such inconsequential things when her boyfriend was trapped in a world of manipulation and varying kinds of abuse?), Sakura dropped her head, unable to ignore the swell of guilt that had her momentarily breathless.

She needed those scholarships, but…

But she almost wished she'd come second to him.

She and Itachi had previously discussed how Sasuke would feel if she basically allowed him to come first, however it didn't stop her wondering how much better his life could have been, had it happened. Perhaps that was why it was better she didn't wake up sooner to the abuse?

A careful hand entered her line of vision, and Sakura didn't flinch or move away when Itachi gently brushed the hair shielding her expressions from him – not that he commented on them anyway. Instead, upon seeing her open emotions, he calmly moved closer, arms coming around her without hesitation and it sickened her how easily she gave into his comfort. There wasn't even any protesting from her usually judgemental mind because it was finally receiving a well-earned break from the pressure it'd been under recently.

"I want a better future for him," she whined softly.

"But at what cost?"

At any cost, Sakura realised with an aching heart and twisting stomach, her mind's warning siren that informed her what she was thinking was so wrong tuned out by the other two organs.

They were going in circles without taking breaks and she was growing increasingly dizzier the faster they ran around, beginning to skip steps they used to take to prolong the inevitable – the biggest step being Sasuke hurting her. Lately, they just jumped straight to…

Sakura swallowed when Itachi's forehead pressed to the back of her head, his embrace full of understanding and protectiveness as he seemed to cover every inch of her that was exposed, telling her without words that she was safe with him. She never had to explain herself, it silently told her, because he understood.

"Are you hungry?" he asked quietly, hand resuming its previous soothing ministrations of tickling her back.

It certainly aided in relaxing her. "I don't want to go out and my parents thought I wouldn't be home this soon, so there's probably nothing in."

"We can order, then," Itachi stated simply before stunning her with how effortlessly he moved the pair of them backwards so that he could lean against the headboard, keeping her tucked up comfortably against him. "What time–"

"Four," she interjected his question, unable to let him finish.

He nodded wordlessly, seemingly understanding her difficultly with hearing the question and refusing to push the subject further and for that, she was grateful.

Within the hour, their breakfast was delivered, and Sakura shoved aside her unsettled stomach at how natural it all felt as they ate in bed, a movie playing simply for background noise.

Being with Itachi wasn't supposed to be that way and it confirmed that, for her at least, it went way deeper than lust – not that she'd ever thought it was just lust. However, it did cause her mind to return to the question she'd glossed over the night before after he'd passed out.

What did she mean to him?

Lowering what was left of her breakfast back to its container, Sakura leaned against her headboard, eyes drawn to the food that was now turning her stomach. It wasn't that it tasted bad – it was okay. But the weight of her feelings for Itachi and being so in the dark about how he felt for her, the fear of it potentially being just lust for him or worse, a sense of obligation, made her feel nauseous. And the thought of confronting him certainly didn't help matters.

Confronting him meant they would both know where they stood in their situation, but simultaneously, it solidified their wrongdoings. It made it so real. They would be confirming the obvious and taking a step forward in a relationship that had no right to exist, destroying the delicate trust and love of the person they each loved most.

With it being impossible to not sense the sudden shift in her mood and mindset, Itachi appeared to also lose his appetite. His breakfast joined hers, the rustling of the paper bag it'd been delivered in much too loud.

How did she start the damning conversation? Did she confess her feelings for him? Was she supposed to include how wrong they were and how shitty they made her feel? How she felt sick with herself for caring for him so deeply? For wanting him? Did she outright ask what she meant to him?

Her hands shielded her eyes when they filled with tears, shoulders shaking briefly.

Itachi didn't question her. Didn't speak. He remained by her side for the longest time and waited out the emotional breakdown, somehow knowing she needed to collect herself in her own time. It confirmed that the pull between them was never and had never been one-sided, because he seemed to know that comforting her would shatter the composure and strength that she was trying to gather by herself.

Selfishly, so disgustingly selfishly, the first thing that left her undoubtedly vile mouth was, "I don't want this to end."

Sakura wiped at her eyes, forcing herself to take deep breaths but that resolve threatened to crumble when she realised how much easier it was to stay calm when in Itachi's presence. Speaking about sensitive subjects, discussing what was causing her pain while simultaneously risking upsetting the other person, was always a major cause of anxiety when that other person was Sasuke. However, Itachi was different and because of that, she didn't feel half as anxious. It felt like he accepted her regardless of what she said, like he would never blow up on her in the way Sasuke did, like he cared for her even if she made all the wrong decisions because…

Her lips turned down at the corners, chin no doubt forming a gross number of dimples.

Because he was her home.

"And it's not just because I need you," she continued in a pitiful whine, unable to control the trembling or tone of her voice.

She saw the way it affected him as well after Itachi turned the television off, his reflection showing her his internal agony. It was so strange witnessing him being so openly touched by her emotions, especially when considering how strong he'd always been for her, but in that moment, he'd lowered a guard Sakura never even knew existed.

"I-It's because I care about you," she confessed quietly. Fear of speaking the truth threatened to silence her, but Sakura resisted the twisting of her mind, the selfish desires of her heart backing her up and offering her strength. "I care about you so, so much that I just…" Helplessly, she looked over to him, heart aching at the look in his eyes when they met hers. "I get these really selfish and unfair thoughts."

"Of damning the consequences."

She nodded weakly.

Itachi breathed deeply, surprising her once more when his gaze dropped to the space between them like he was considering it, his thoughts taking several moments to form into words. "I am not much better than my brother, Sakura, but… I feel as though you know that, too."

Her unsettled stomach grew more so, and she nodded again.

"I understand his rage," Itachi explained in a soft tone that completely contradicted his words, because how could a man as kind and gentle as he was with her, understand the darkness that was Sasuke's rage? "And the sense of helplessness that is no doubt what created it. Despite doing all I can to walk a separate path, I am not unaffected by my father."

Yes, she knew that too. It was just the night before when Sakura made the discovery of Itachi being incapable of standing up for himself against Fugaku. If it was for another's sake, then he would defend them without falter, without a shred of concern for his own well-being or how it would bite him in the ass further down the line. For himself?

"I'm mentally and physically exhausted, Sakura," he admitted in a much quieter voice, like he almost couldn't bring himself to confess to such a weakness. "Sometimes I wonder if the only reason why I'm not as angry as Sasuke, is simply because I don't have the energy to be."

No, she didn't believe that. Not for a second. While more than able to throw a solid punch–

No. He wasn't innocent. Or perfect. Itachi was capable of hurting another person and using them. After all, that was exactly what he did to Kurotsuchi, wasn't it? He'd used her to cover up how close they were getting and, in the end, hurt her when she found out the truth. As well as that, he'd punched Madara. He'd strangled his father. Granted, they both deserved it, but it only went to prove the point Itachi was trying to make.

He was just as flawed as Sasuke. Just as broken by their father's cruel ways.

Finally, Itachi met her gaze, pinning her under the weight of the determination that demanded he flushed the exhaustion out of his system, because he didn't have the time to feel that way.

"I suppose this is where I should thank you," Itachi continued and that weight only increased at the guilt that shone through the determination. His shame only grew when he professed, "Until getting to know you, I truly believed there was no redeeming my family or myself."

Sakura's breath caught.

She…

"I never failed to notice how much Sasuke was taking after our father and to discover he was abusing you…" He was at a loss for words, she noticed though still too stunned to interrupt, or even inwardly cringe at the way her skin crawled in response to his words. "I thought my little brother was lost. It's ridiculous, but I felt as though I'd lost him, and I resented our father for that. A part of me resented Sasuke too, for he's seen what abuse has done to our mother."

That was what was getting to him, Sakura realised, heart aching. His almost giving up on his brother.

"But then you defended him time and time again, no matter how badly you were hurt," Itachi murmured. Almost on autopilot, she easily accepted his hand when he reached for her, fingers spreading to allow him to entwine their fingers. "You repeatedly reminded me that he's still in there, merely struggling. And witnessing how determined you are to help my brother and stand by his side while he tries to heal, withstanding all that is thrown your way because you were there for him through it all and saw him at his weakest…" Gentle eyes met hers and her heart lurched as he reached up with his free hand, stroking her cheek. "Thank you, Sakura. For being there for Sasuke when I failed to be and for showing me that he isn't irredeemable."

But where did that leave them? Surely that made them so much worse for acknowledging Sasuke's struggling but continuing to give into their feelings?

Unless…

Unless that was his way of saying that they shouldn't…?

"You restored my faith in not only my family, but myself too."

She nodded, no longer able to meet his eye because anxiety was gnawing at her gut and heart, telling Sakura that what he was saying was the speech. The one that ended everything – permanently, this time.

"You proved to me that there is still time for change."

Don't be a baby, she ordered of herself and looked up at his insistence, the hand on her cheek guiding her. If this is it, then at least do it properly.

"However, like you… I too have selfish thoughts and desires."

Her heart stopped.

She could do nothing but stare up at him.

"I care for you," Itachi confessed and she swallowed at the intensity of his stare. "You're someone I admire and wish to protect. You helped me find my purpose and motivated me once more, when all I wanted was to lay back and accept the inevitable."

That was… so, so much heavier than she'd expected, but everything she hadn't known she needed to hear.

"Need me as much as you want," he said with a shockingly shuddering sigh, forehead coming to hers. "Because I need you just as much."

Holy–

"And now I'm turning to dust in a world that's twisted–"

Not now, she mentally screamed towards her phone.

Sakura debated ignoring it altogether, too lost in the passion in Itachi's gaze, but the knowledge of it being either Sasuke or someone calling with an update on Ino had her reaching out reluctantly, barely sparing it a glance as she answered.

"Hello?"

To grant her more space to think clearly, Itachi relaxed against the headboard but there was no denying the weight of their confessions hung in the air around them. She could feel it in the pounding of her heart, in the shaky emotions threatening to overwhelm her.

"Ah, Sakura-chan," came a vaguely familiar, feminine voice. It took several moments for her to place it as Rin, Obito's doctor wife. "It's Rin. I was just calling about Ino-chan."

Sakura sighed, head falling back with a thud. She could feel Itachi's eyes on her and it was the only thing keeping her from losing the warmth that flooded her system from his words. In a bid to fight for that feeling, she reached for him wordlessly, thankful when he met her halfway and held comfortingly.

"Did something happen?" she asked without really caring – not entirely, anyway.

Of course, a part of Sakura cared for Ino's well-being and yes, she wanted her to get better, but after… She shut her eyes, willing the memories away as a shudder ran down her spine, goosebumps covering her arms. While she hoped it wouldn't be the case, Sakura honestly couldn't see (any time soon, anyway) there being a day where Ino's name didn't send a shock of horror and nausea straight through her, and she was growing increasingly grateful for Itachi stopping her in visiting the blonde the night before. The decision was impulsive and reckless and would have no doubt made her a victim to yet another panic attack.

"She keeps asking for you and is growing more distressed each time we suggest distance may be best," Rin explained carefully, the politeness in her tone screaming that she was hoping for a positive response.

Good, let her stress about it, a darker part of Sakura snarled.

But normal Sakura bit her lip worriedly, aching at the thought of Ino being in emotional pain of how they'd left things.

Damn it. Why was she like that?

"I…"

The words died on her tongue as it doubled in size, attempting to choke her as the natural response of wanting to help her friend almost formed. With it being Rin on the phone also, Sakura felt a boost in strength, because she wouldn't guilt trip her like Shikamaru or Choji would – at least, she hoped she wouldn't – and with her being more or less a stranger to her, she was more comfortable in saying no.

"I can't right now," Sakura said, trying to ignore the odd palpitation that threatened to change her words for her. That threat was easily knocked on its ass by Itachi's minute proud smile as he busied himself with eating the remainder of his breakfast. "What happened was…"

"I understand," Rin said softly, though Sakura couldn't help but wonder if she was imagining the reluctance in her acceptance. "You also need time to heal, Sakura-chan. I will make sure Ino-chan understands that."

"…Thank you."

"Take care of yourself, Sakura-chan."

Take care of herself. Heal.

Like it was as easy as that, though.

Itachi was… As horrible as part of herself felt for admitting to such a thing, Itachi was definitely a reprieve from her shitty situation, but Sakura was aware that it wasn't really healing as much as it was slapping a bandage over the festering wound. And while it was as they'd both admitted – that she needed him – viewing him in such a way felt so wrong because he was suffering too. He also needed time to heal. Leaning on one another was fine, sure, but she couldn't take everything he had to give and barely even offer half of herself in return because how was that fair?

Gripping her phone tightly, Sakura lowered her head, the sharp pang in her chest immobilising.

She was being so unfair to them both.

"Breathe," came a soft reassurance from beside her.

Yes, she needed to breathe. Needed to calm herself down. The panic attacks seemed to lunge at her every chance they got, so Sakura knew that she needed to strip them of their power source.

It was so much easier said than done, though.

"I'm here."

Yes, he was.

Shutting her eyes with relief, she allowed Itachi to guide her into resting against him, the side of her head and shoulder pressing to his chest, arms coming around her securely.

"I'm here," he repeated gently.

Sakura was…

Unable to resist, Itachi reached out and gently brushed the evidence of her restless nap behind her ear. The sight of her sleep tousled hair was vaguely amusing to him, especially when she'd furiously attempted to smooth it down only hours before. It was almost enough to push back the concern for her as she'd once again almost fallen victim to her now worryingly frequent panic attacks.

He sighed, hand returning to his side.

Sakura was undeniably precious to him – incredibly so – but Itachi was well aware of the fact that he had no right in viewing her in such a way, or to believe he had any right in acting on his selfish impulses, even without his brother's involvement.

His wants for Sakura were conflicting to say the least. A major part of Itachi wanted to find a way of setting her free from his family, to cut the ties she found impossible merely shaking for her, simply to alleviate her of the guilt that came with such a task. However, that was where the most intense conflict came into play, much to his utter disappointment. By working so hard to wake Sakura up to the abusive future she was barrelling headfirst into, he'd unintentionally…

It wasn't his intention to fall for Sakura. He never wanted to see her as anything other than someone who unknowingly needed an out. While yes, Itachi would admit that he was willing to hurt his own brother for the sake of setting her free, he'd never, for one single moment, meant to take it that one, reprehensible step forward by involving himself with Sakura.

But now there he was, literally sharing her bed. The only thing that'd stopped them from pursuing the feelings between them the night before was his migraine. That was… It was beyond unforgivable of him, that guilt tripling at the cold reminder of how openly his younger brother confided in him about how he felt for her.

Sasuke's feelings were intense from the start of their friendship, but regrettably, Itachi had failed to spot the warning signs that should have caused him to pause and redirect his brother's attention. Instead, all he'd seen was his baby brother coming to him for advice on how to talk to a pretty pink haired girl, his twelve-year-old self's attempts to mask his eagerness failing amusingly.

It was never simply liking Sakura. No, even in the beginning (when Itachi looked back on everything), Sasuke had shown multiple signs of feeling possessive of her, even back when they were children and just friends. Every day they were together, seemingly never growing bored of being in one another's presence and because of their permanent third wheel, Itachi hadn't thought twice about it.

Then they were together. And suddenly Sakura was always at their place, was joining them on family holidays, business dinner parties. From what Itachi could remember from his final year in high school: they were never apart, to the extent where they actually drifted out of several other friendships, distancing themselves from everyone else. While they were never open in their affections or showed how they felt for one another (admittedly, mostly Sasuke), they were just as connected as the other couples who clung to one another during breaktimes.

And he'd foolishly been nothing but happy for his brother, happy that he found a place in a heart that seemed so unconditional in its love for him. He'd believed Sakura to be Sasuke's reprieve from their damned family.

Itachi's greatest mistake was taking that relationship at face value. Selfishly, he'd clung to it in his own escape.

Not only was Sasuke with Sakura and thriving in their seemingly pure love, but he had supportive, head strong friends also. On many occasions, Itachi witnessed Uzumaki Naruto knocking him down a peg or two when necessary, unafraid to go against him when Sasuke was in the wrong.

He'd stupidly thought that was enough.

A love to comfort him on his darkest days, always by his side and calming him when needed, and a friendship that guided him down the right path. Both supported him, both encouraged him. It was the break from their family Sasuke had desperately needed.

But he'd been wrong.

The abuse was never kept quiet. Sasuke was aware of it from a young age, just as Itachi had been. However, he'd noticed that unlike himself, Sasuke was more… desensitised, in a sense. Up until he met Naruto and Sakura, he thought it was the norm, saying as much when Itachi once stood up for their mother and suffered the consequences for such a rash action. Why are you getting involved? Sasuke innocently questioned him. Both Mother and Father said to stay out of it.

How was he supposed to tell a six year old who idolised their father differently? How was he supposed to shatter his vision of the man who so ruthlessly beat down on the one he absolutely adored, on their mother?

Sighing, Itachi's head fell back against the headboard, eyes shutting against the returning aches.

What caused him to wake up to the abuse their mother suffered? What aided him in snapping out of the delusions of it being a normal marriage? Was it his friends? Did he accidentally hurt Sakura?

It certainly wasn't anything he ever said, for as much as Sasuke had looked up to him, Itachi was well aware that Fugaku had a way of twisting situations to better suit his agenda. He knew that his studying abroad would have been twisted relentlessly until Sasuke had no other choice but to despise him.

No matter what caused the awakening, he'd woken up in the wrong way. Sasuke allowed the helplessness Itachi was much too familiar with to warp his mind and fuel his ever-present rage. He allowed it to change who he was as a person.

But really, was he any better? Itachi certainly didn't believe so.

He left him behind.

A small hand falling to his abdomen had him looking down to Sakura, chest aching at the peacefulness that finally graced her slumbering features.

Had they always been destined to develop feelings for one another, and their family's abusive ways not existed, Itachi liked to believe distancing himself from her would have been his first and only move. He could not control another's emotions or the way they felt, but he could control his own, or the responses or the signals he gave. From that point on, how Sakura felt was her own problem to deal with.

Alas, that was not the case and his life would never be so simple.

He could not abandon her and allow another to lose themselves in the darkness of his family. Not again.

More than that, similarly to the way he'd thought she'd been able to do so for Sasuke, Sakura unknowingly guided him away from said darkness. The need to keep her from the horrors of his family, from falling into the same pattern of abuse as his mother, was all consuming and he clung to her much too loving heart to try and regain what he'd lost of his own. It was what kept him going on his darkest days.

Staying away from Sakura was painful. Being around her was exhausting. From what Itachi discovered so far, there was no middle ground for him to take cover on.

After great hesitation, he covered her hand with his own, eyes shutting once more as he allowed the contact to soothe the conflict somewhat.

He hated himself for needing her.