"That's right, Maxine," Max said while helping a little dog girl who was white with black-spotted ears and short black hair, wearing a pink tank top with jean shorts, and holding a bb gun. "You hold the gun like this, pull the trigger, and then bang."

"But I don't like the noise it makes, Uncle Max," the five-year-old replied while wrapping her arms around his waist and looking up to him fearfully. "It's scary."

"You're just scared because you've never fired a gun before, darlin'," Max said while rubbing her head and taking the gun from her hands. "You'll like it once you get used to it. It's fun, as long as you're not the one being hit with the bullet. Watch me."

Max fired the bb gun and used it to hit a can that was sitting on top of the fence in the backyard.

"Now, you try," Max said holding the gun in her hands with her while Maxine aimed. "That's it, girl. Aim, then fire!"

The gun went off and hit another can that was set up on the fence.

Maxine smiled a smile that was just like her daddy's and said, "We hit it, Uncle Max!"

"Yes, we did," Max said crouching down and rubbing his god-daughter's head again. "Now, that wasn't so bad. Was it? Try firing by yourself this time."

Maxine aimed and fired the gun hitting another can off the fence.

"I did it, Uncle Max!" she yelled.

"Fantastic job, my destructive little protégé!" Max said beaming in pride. "You're better than your daddy was the first time he tried. Soon, you'll be ready to move up to better weapons."

"I want Daddy to see," Maxine said. "Will Daddy be back soon?"

"He'll be back as soon as he tells off your mommy."

"Do I have to go back with Mommy soon? I don't want to go back with Mommy. She's mean. All she does all day is eat candy and drink juice and play with boys in her room. When I ask if I can play, she tells me to go away and yells at me. She never lets me eat candy or drink the juice or bring people home to play. It's not fair. It's lonely and boring. Sometimes, she gets sick and forgets to make dinner and I have to ask Daddy to get me food. Then, the police come and take her to the hospital. It sucks. I want to just stay here with Daddy."

"That's why your daddy is telling her off. You're going to stay here with us for now on. Your mommy is too mean to you, so you're staying here so you can be with your dad and play with your favorite uncle every day."

"Yay!" Maxine said jumping up and down.

Max smiled. Since the day she was born and named after him, Sam's daughter had managed to wrap him around her finger. It was ironic considering Max was not really that interested in children before, not even in his own biological relatives, but his niece had found a way to his heart.

"Be careful with the gun, baby," Max said. "Remember what I told you. Don't let your finger rest on the trigger when not firing until you become more experienced. You don't want to shoot yourself in the foot. Now, go back to shooting cans."

"I'm bored," Maxine said. "Can we wrestle now?"

"As soon as you hit five more cans, Maxine," Max said. "You need the practice."

"Okay," Maxine said while trying to aim the gun with her right hand.

"Maxine, I told you already. Use both hands until you're more experienced."

"Okay!" Maxine yelled as she adjusted her hands, fired the gun, and hit another can. "I hit another one!"

"You're a natural, girl," Max said. "Keep going."

"Uncle Max, I got in trouble at school today," Maxine said nervously while stopping what she was doing. "I was sent to timeout because I hit Jessica."

"Why?" Max asked while raising his eyebrows.

"Jessica wouldn't stop being mean to Diego. She kept stealing all his toys so I punched her in the nose."

"Young lady," Max began before picking her up and swinging her around. "I'm so proud of you! Oh, my God! You are a child after my own heart."

"You're not mad?" Maxine asked after dropping her gun on the ground as Max had advised her to do.

"Hell, no! I'm impressed you had the guts to do it. You don't tolerate bullying. That's a good thing. Your daddy and I don't either. We were bullied all the time as kids. I wish we had someone like you to stand up for us."

"Really?"

"Really," Max said while planting a quick kiss on her cheek. "Don't listen to those pansies. You did something good and you need to keep it up. Okay?"

"Okay," Maxine said as they both heard a car pulling up. "Daddy's home, Uncle Max!"

Maxine scrambled out of Max's arms and ran towards the driveway. Sam came out of the car with a weary smile holding a pizza.

"DADDY!" Maxine yelled as loud as she could while wrapping her arms around her father's legs.

"Hey, Maxine!" Sam said as he bent over and scooped her up in his arms while balancing the pizza with the other hand. "How are you, sweetie?"

"You need help?" Max asked as he walked over. "Our dinner is in a precarious position."

"Nothing would make me happier, little pal," Sam said passing over the pizza to Max. "Thank you!"

"Of course, I don't want you to risk dropping my god-daughter."

"Uncle Max said I was living with you now," Maxine said excitedly.

"Yes, you are, baby," Sam said. "Your mommy and I agreed that due to her irresponsibly destructive nature you would be living with me and Uncle Max for now on. She signed a document which I delivered to a judge to make it official."

"Because the two of us are only irresponsibly destructive when it comes to dealing with other people," Max said. "Don't you love the American child custody system!"

"Yes, I do," Sam said hugging his daughter closer.

They walked inside as Maxine said, "Yay! Oh, yeah. Daddy, Uncle Max showed me how to shoot a gun today! I want you to see."

"He did?" Sam said looking at Max suspiciously. "I thought we agreed that she wasn't going to learn until she turned 8."

"Come on, Sam," Max said while putting the pizza down. "It was just a bb gun. Don't be a killjoy. You're going to be jealous because she's a better shot than either of us. I'm telling ya. She's a freelance cop in the making."

"Did she do her homework?"

"Well…"

"I'm almost done," Maxine said. "Uncle Max said I should take a break since he was bored."

"Max!" Sam said facepalming. "I asked you to make sure she did her homework before dinner and Wrestlemania. You know how hard it's going to be to get her to focus when wrestling's going on?"

"Calm down," Max said opening the door to the backyard. "I'll make sure she does her boring math worksheet before wrestling starts. Now, come outside and see my god-baby's skills."

"Alright."

"Yay!" Maxine yelled as Sam put her down and she ran out the door. "See my skills, daddy!"

"I feel like I should question your parenting techniques, little pal," Sam said as they followed his daughter who was looking for the gun. "But for some reason, I'm not going to. Probably because I'm weary from dealing with my ex."

"So, did she give up easily or did you have to use persuasion?" Max asked while pulling out the bb gun. "I hoped you used persuasion. She deserved it. It's over here, Maxine!"

"Okay," Maxine said as she ran over, grabbed the gun, and ran back over to the cans on the fence.

"Remember, sweetheart, don't let your finger rest on the trigger," Max yelled back at her.

"I don't know whether it's because she agreed with me or because she was drunk but she gave up custody without a fight," Sam said sadly sitting on the steps. "I hate that things ended up this way. I had finally found a good relationship. Why did she have to go crazy like this? I loved her."

"Sam, she's slept with every drug dealer between here and New Jersey," Max said patting him on the back. "She's crazier than me and she refuses to get help. Neither you or Maxine deserve that, mostly not Maxine. You did what was best for her. You have nothing to regret."

"That is uncharacteristically kind of you to say."

"Well, the vast chasm of amorality that was once my heart has been replaced with gentleness and love and it's all because of your child. It feels weird. I feel like being a decent human being now. I don't know myself anymore. I hope you're happy."

"I am," Sam said standing up. "I am a happily divorced single father. I actually feel kinda relieved."

"That's the spirit, Sam," Max said jumping on his shoulders while he and Sam watched Maxine shoot the cans. "I told you she has skills. See, the relationship wasn't a total loss. You two gave life to a perfect, little angel of destruction who we will both love forever. We just need to focus on raising her to be a chaos-loving freelance cop or whatever else she desires to be."

"You crack me up…" Sam said before he noticed his daughter doing something wrong and went over to help. "Maxine, that is not the right way to hold a gun. What are you doing?"

"Uncle Max said it was," Maxine yelled back.

"That explains it."

"Hey!" Max said jumping off Sam. "I am a great teacher. Don't question my techniques."

The two then spent the next hour arguing over the most effective way to hold a gun until it was time to watch wrestling.