Title: Never Let Go
Summary: "You hate me, Jasper? Really? Because I fucking hate you, too. You just won't leave me alone! Ever since I met you... I can't stop thinking about you. When I close my eyes, I see you..." And as he spoke I could feel my entire world tilting on it's axis, my heart mending.
Warnings: Explicit language, angst, slash.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters involved. No copyright infringement intended.
Author's Note: I've edited the first part of this story with the hopes of editing the second part and continuing it further. My writing has changed so drastically since I started this story, and I simply wasn't happy with the quality; after editing and essentially re-writing it, I'm much more content. If you haven't read this version (added on October 08, 2010), I highly recommend rereading it.
And thank you so much to everyone who has been reading and reviewing this story and providing me with their support. I'm going to try my hardest to update as soon as possible.
"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
Resist it,
and your soul grows sick with longing for the things is has forbidden to itself."
– Oscar Wilde.
"You wanna know what my problem is? You really irritate me, you know that, right? You're such a pretentious and belligerent ass to everyone. You're a dick, and I am sick and tired of your shit."
Quit lying. Hypocritical jackass. Excuse after shitty excuse.
"Jasper... calm down," he whispered hesitantly.
"I can't be around you anymore. I'm sick of pretending to be your friend, just because I am forced to be associated with you. I am so tired of being around you. I can't stand you."
No, I simply can't have you... And I want—
"So don't talk to me. Don't look at me. Don't even think about me. Leave. Me. Alone."
Don't let me leave. Don't listen—
"I absolutely fucking hate you, Edward. I really, really do."
No, I don't. I'm fucking lying to you.
Silence consumed my surroundings as I attempted to steady my breathing, noticing the expressions pure disbelief on the faces of all of my friends. Tension pervaded throughout the entire atmosphere, a suffocating sheath of dread settling over my entire form. I felt my focus falter for just a moment, my heart pounding against my ribcage. My sympathetic nervous system was just begging me to fucking run. I averted my gaze immediately, turning and leaving Emmett's cabin without further word—just hoping that none of them would be able to realize how much of a travesty those spoken words were.
Don't fucking leave.
I got into my car just as the rain started to pour down; thunder cracked and reverberated off of the surrounding mountains, matching the maelstrom of thoughts in my mind. I jerked my car into drive and sped away, trying to focus on the sound of my engine rather than the way my chest seemed to collapse in on itself—constricted by an invisible band of emotion. Tears slowly blurred my vision as I continued to accelerate, slamming my fists against the steering wheel. I felt myself shaking, the way my grip seemed so unsteady on the steering wheel, and I couldn't seem to catch my breath.
Turn around.
This was suppose to be a fun trip away from all the troubles and conflicts that school caused. This was suppose to be our chance to finally escape the world and just enjoy a transient separation from all of the stress. I had ruined it. They believed me—Edward fucking believed me.
Coward.
I pulled my car to the side of the road, wiping angrily at the tears that fell. I turned the engine off, pulling my keys out and throwing them in the passenger seat before allowing myself to lean back and close my eyes. I was left alone to the empty silence, lightening flashing in the distance and thunder cracking in quick succession.
Go back... Please, just fucking go back.
I took a deep breath, wincing slightly as my chest continued to tighten. My emotions seemed to be struggling to break lose from their confines, a single sob catching in my throat as the night replayed in my mind.
We had just arrived at the little cabin thirty miles outside town; we planned to stay the entire weekend and just enjoy the company of our friends. Everyone from our group was meeting there—Alice and her sister Bella, my sister Rosalie and her boyfriend Emmett, and finally, Edward. But I couldn't fight past the apprehension I'd initially felt when I'd considered the circumstances—I was staying the weekend in a small cabin with the one person I desired most of all.
In the past few months, I had found that I could easily hide my infatuation with Edward if I simply avoided close contact, but I found myself slipping up, as well. The need and desire to be near him was unbearable, even though I knew he would never be an attainable element. He was the one thing I fucking wanted and could never have.
He was straight—just like I had been until the day I met him six months back.
We had decided to unpack later and take advantage of the decent weather; we all knew it was such a rare occurrence when it didn't rain and that the clear skies would undoubtedly be short lived. Emmett started the grill and all of us quickly fell into a calm and peacefully pattern that consisted of laughter and casual banter. It wasn't long before everyone had finished eating and Emmett brought out his sports bag with the suggestion of football.
The game started and, at first, everything was simple—I was avoiding the conflict easily since he was on the opposite team, and it was easy for me to fall into a rhythm and drop my guards. Football had always been my game.
But everything went horribly wrong with one simple play, one wrong move, and one person that was completely oblivious to the way he affected me.
Before I could even register what was happening I was pinned to the ground with someone on top of me. My vision went black and I couldn't get past the stupor and confusion that was a result of being slammed against at full force. When my vision finally returned to me, I found myself staring into the most unforgettable and incomparable green eyes I'd ever seen. I would never fucking forget those eyes. I could feel an undercurrent of energy in every place he was touching, molten fire just coursing throughout my entire body. It should have been obvious immediately—the way my gaze undoubtedly softened at the sight of him or, perhaps, the way heartbeat sped up without further preamble. It should have been so fucking obvious.
And for the smallest of seconds, I had been consumed by the rapture of having him so close to me—within arms length, so reachable, so fucking right. This was the way it should have been during all of those many months. He stared at me for a moment with a tiny, unrecognizable spark in his eyes—so fucking green—and a crooked smile playing on his lips. My body reacted immediately to the proximity, his scent engulfing me and clouding my comprehension.
"Pinned'ya, Jas." His smile grew as he shifted only slightly, making no move to get off of me. My expression fell into a deep scowl, anger flooding through my veins, because I fucking hated him for doing this to me. It was a tangible resentment, so thorough and abrupt, because I knew that this was all some big joke to him—he had no idea how much it was absolutely killing me.
I threw my head back and groaned as it slammed into the ground, trying desperately to push all of my impure thoughts aside. I quickly became aware of our surroundings and circumstances, and I knew that my desire and arousal for him was becoming impossibly more obvious.
I looked down at him for one final moment and drank in his appearance; his tousled bronze hair that stood up in disarray. Those fucking emerald green eyes that were so distinct and clear, just shining with emotion. The saccharine scent of vanilla mixed with maple syrup and just a little bit of cigarette smoke. No one knew that that was my favorite smell in the entire world.
And then I allowed my petulance to consume me completely, directing all my frustrations at him, because I fucking hated him. I hated him for pinning me to the ground without any form of escape. I hated his stupid fucking crooked grin and his hair that was constantly messy. I hated the way he called me Jas, his voice warm and inviting, and I fucking hated that too. I hated vanilla and maple syrup and cigarettes. And I definitely those eyes—those fucking forest green eyes.
I used to like chicks until I met you. I really do hate you.
Liar.
I took a deep breath to gain my focus as I did the very last thing that I wanted to do—I shoved him away from me. "What the fuck!" I growled, hoping my tone would cover any trace of arousal he might of noticed. "Since when did this become tackle football, you prick?"
His eyebrows pulled together in confusion as the emotion in his eyes transformed from hurt to anger. "What the hell is your problem?"
The last words spoken before all hell broke lose.
A single sob caught in my throat as I was interrupted by a light tap on my passenger side window. I quickly tried to hide any traces of emotion as I desperately wiped the tears from the side of my face. I found myself praying that the darkness would conceal my secrets as I opened the door to reveal a furious Alice who wouldn't even make eye contact with me.
She sat there for a moment, staring at my dashboard and refusing to acknowledge my existence, as though trying to gather her thoughts. And without looking up at me, she began talking in a quiet—so, so lethal—tone. "Jasper... What is wrong with you?" she paused, closing her eyes. "That was so, so uncalled for."
She finally lifted her gaze to mine, her piercing brown eyes narrowed with hostility. "He's gone, and it's your fucking fault. You just know all the right things to say to make someone feel like complete shit, don't you, Jasper?"
I had managed to hold all of my emotions back until the point she mentioned him. I swallowed hard, taking a shaky breath as fresh tears filled my dull gray eyes. Hearing that my words had affected him—that I had hurt him—was enough to ruin what little resilience I had left. I no longer found myself worrying about Alice finding out what I had wanted kept as a secret; my entire facade seemed to be unraveling at the seams and I couldn't handle the build-up of pressure that surrounded me—I need an outlet.
I turned my head to look out the window, trying to hide my expression and tears from Alice but knowing that it was unsuccessful as she lifted her hand to my shoulder. Her eyes seemed to widen with understanding, as though she already knew of my conflicting thoughts and emotions despite the fact that I hadn't said one word since she joined me. I could feel my barriers cracking, my composure slipping.
"What's going on?" she asked, softly.
"Oh, don't give me that bullshit... You know exactly what's going on," I growled, wiping at my face angrily. "I don't—" I paused, trying to verbalize what I'd only recently accepted myself. "I can't handle this, Alice... I can't fucking do this, because I lov—" I stopped abruptly, refusing to vocalize that thought.
She smiled sadly, her grasp on my arm tightening. "You're rather dense, did you know that, Jasper?"
I turned my head to face her with a deep scowl settling across my features, my glare darkening with disbelief. "What the fuck is that suppose to mean?" I growled through clenched teeth. I could feel exhaustion consuming me, and I was so tired of the warm tears that wouldn't stop falling.
Alice smirked slightly before opening the door and standing; she gave me one last fleeting glance before she turned around and walked back towards her car. "It wasn't just a coincidence or a bad play, Jasper." Her voice filled my surroundings, an edge of humor causing in the implication to truly sink in.
I quickly jumped out of my car, careless of the rain that was rapidly soaking me completely as I watched Alice's retreating form. "Alice! Wait! What the fuck? What does that even mea—" I paused, nodding resolutely to myself. "D-does he know?"
I watched her as she got into her car, searching for any sign of confirmation as she started the engine. And right before she drove off, her gaze met mine and it held all of the answers I wanted—a brief nod and a soft smile that spoke volumes.
As soon as her words and mannerisms finally sank in, I threw my car door open and jumped back inside. I slammed my car into drive and accelerated, disregarding the protesting hum that came from my engine and transmission. On the way back to the cabin, I broke every written and unwritten law in driving history, so desperate to return.
Once I reached my destination, I flew to the cabin door and entered without inhibition, quietly searching the cabin and allowing myself to hope that just maybe he had returned. Nothing can ever be fucking easy, can it? I returned to the living room where Bella, Emmett, and Rosalie were sitting by the fire. "You guys, uh... You know where Edward went?" I asked, trying to sound casual.
Before any of them could answer, Alice entered the cabin with a small smile and knowing eyes. "He went in the direction of the trail that we usually go hiking on... I think he might have gone to the clearing," she said, grinning at my poorly concealed anticipation.
I found myself wrapping Alice in a tight hug, pressing a kiss to her temple and whispering a quiet thank you before turning to face the others. "I'm sorry, guys... for earlier. I'm a fucking dick," I said with a sheepish smile. Emmett and Rosalie both offered a small smile, nodding in acceptance of my apology, but Bella simply turned her head to the side, facing the fire without further recognition. I sighed, turning and exiting the warmth of the small cabin.
The rain seemed to fall faster as I followed the path of the mountain, soaking me completely as thunder and lightening continued to fill my surroundings with life and vivacity. I wrapped my arms around myself, hugging my jacket a little tighter and trying to embrace what little warmth I had. I continued my search until I reached the opening of the clearing, my blurry gaze searching for any remote signs of Edward's presence.
When I finally saw him my breath caught in my throat, a single shudder traveling down my spine and sending chills throughout my entire body. He was sitting on the edge of the mountain, staring out at all the trees and greenery surrounding us, nothing but a simple white t-shirt and jeans to protect him from the weather. He was trembling, arms wrapped around his knees as he faced the storm head-on, not even taking shelter beneath the forest's canopy.
Tears started rolling down my face once again as I realized the severity of my huge mistake. It was so, so fucking cold, and I wanted nothing more than to walk over and bring him back home. "Edward?" My voice was tentative and hesitant, so afraid that there was nothing that I could say that would make up for my own foul.
Without even a slight nod or flinch of recognition, Edward spoke in a strangled voice that told me everything I needed to know—confirmed everything that Alice had implied. "What do you want, Jasper?"
"You're going to get sick... You shouldn't have come out here," I whispered as I joined him on the mountain's edge. "I'm so, so fucking sorry, Edward. I didn't mean any of the shit I sai—" I trailed off as Edward stood from his spot on the ground, pacing back and forth.
And despite the pouring rain that was soaking everything in sight—despite the thunder that cracked and reverberated in the dark sky—I could see the tears streaming down the side of his face, hear the quiver in his voice. "You know, don't you? That's why you were so pissed off?" he paused, chuckling darkly and running a hand through his dark hair. "You know, I could never fucking figure you out, Jas... And no matter how many times I tried to convince myself that you didn't feel that same... You would fucking contradict me, flip my entire fucking world upside down with one small glance..." He stopped his pacing, turning to face me with a dark scowl that was filled with so much fear, panic, and anger, that it was impossible to tell where one emotion ended and the other began. "It's only you, Jasper... Only you can fucking derail my entire train of thought with a simple touch—make me lose all inhibition and control with that stupid fucking smirk of yours." His glare deepened. "You hate me, Jasper? Really? Because I fucking hate you, too. You just won't leave me alone! Ever since I met you... I can't stop thinking about you. When I close my eyes, I see you... Everything I've ever known—ever believed in—was turned upside down the moment I met you."
Edward started pacing again, a dark, ravenous chuckle escaping from the depths of his chest. "You're just always there, aren't you? Just won't fucking leave me alone. And then when I finally do take a chance—take one idiotic step off from the cliff—somehow fucking hoping that a jackass like you would catch me... Yeah, bullshit."
I felt a sob catch in my throat, my chest tightening as it had previously from all the pent up emotion. I shook my head, hoping he would see it and understand that everything I had said was so, so fucking wrong. He risked everything, he took a chance because he cared enough to actually try, and I was such a fucking coward.
He turned to face me, his gaze softening as a sad smile lifted the corners of his lips only slightly. "I love you, Jasper... You know that? I love you so fucking much... and it's just not right," he finished, shaking his head and averting his gaze from mine as he looked out past the cliff. "And you're my best friend, so can we please just forget this ever happened? Let's... God, let's just go back to how things used to be? Please? I need you in my life," he whispered finally, the strain in his voice becoming more apparent with every word he spoke. It was so obvious that he was suppressing every single emotion, hiding them beneath a sheath and barrier that was entirely too similar to mine. We were both so emotionally closed off, refusing to reveal the depth of the fear and panic that was rapidly consuming us—becoming so difficult to hide and ignore.
And it was in that moment that I realized how much I truly needed him. How absolutely painful it was for me to see his pain. Tension filled our entire surroundings, every nerve and synapse in my body just fucking buzzing with the desire to just reach out and pull him into a hug, to show him how wrong he was—how wrong I was—and fucking mend every broke tie and seam. I nodded resolutely, swallowing back the lump that had formed in my throat. "Edward... God, please, just..." I started, my voice breaking as I clenched my eyes shut.
He did it for me.
He fucking took a chance.
And before I was even aware of my actions I was running towards him and tackling him to the ground, my hands impulsively lifting to cup his cheek. My lips were on his only a second later, moving together in a synchronized dance, so fucking frenzied and urgent. I could taste the salt on his lips from the tears, and it only made my tears fall faster, so much regret and guilt, and I wanted him to know just how sorry I was.
My hands lifted to his dark hair, water dripping from the strands as I pulled him closer to me, needing so much more contact, savoring the warmth, and feeling every single one of my barriers and guards breaking as his fingers clutched at my jacket.
And the rain continued to fall around us—the world continued to turn—neither of us could have been less aware as he dug his nails into my hip, pulling me closer. I was so hyper-aware of was his every move, his every little touch and gasp for breath as our lips continued to move together. It was everything I'd ever fucking wanted and it was laced with so much sadness, knowing that I was solely to blame for the all the uncertainty.
I shifted my body on top of his, trying to find some friction as we continued to tremble together, so fucking cold but finding just a bit of warmth in the combined body heat. His hands traveled up my arms, grasping my hands and lacing our fingers together when I released his soft hair.
Once I finally broke the kiss, my gaze immediately found green—even in the darkness—sparking and igniting with fervor and lust, softening to something almost like affection as he lifted his hand to my cheek. And we stayed that way for several moments, lying on the ground, soaking wet and covered in the mud and dead leaves that littered the forest floor. Heat permeated through our two bodies, so tangible and delicious, and I found myself clinging desperately to him in every way possible. It contrasted admirably with our frigid, wet surroundings.
"Jas..." He whispered, a silent question lingering within the single word.
"Everything I said was bullshit, Edward. I was wrong... so, so fucking wrong because I didn't know it was possible for you to feel—" I clenched my eyes shut, shaking my head and trying to contain the emotions that were threatening to consume me. "You're always there, and I just... God, I can't stay away from you..." I paused, swallowing hard against the panic that was returning—the fear of exposing myself. "I love you, Edward... So, so fucking much that sometimes I don't even know how to handle it."
I closed my eyes and let the release of my emotions consume me completely as I buried my face into the crook of his neck. His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer as he rubbed gentle circles on my back. The rain was still falling, thunder and lightening surrounding us, causing my rational concern to return to me. My mind cleared and I realized how utterly cold it really was, Edward's entire form shivering beneath me, clutching at my jacket to pull me closer. I realized how dramatically his simple white t-shirt paled in comparison to my thick leather jacket.
"You're going to catch pneumonia, Edward," I growled as I lifted myself off from him. His eyes watched me carefully as I helped him off of the ground and slid my hand into his. "This was a horrible idea," I said with a frown.
"Fuck pneumonia," he replied with a lazy smile as we walked down the mountain towards the cabin. "We'll just share body heat..." he said, his hand trailing up the inside of my jacket.
"I'm soaking wet, and that's not gonna help you too much."
We walked in silence for most of the trip down the mountain, his trembling hand wrapped around mine. The silence wasn't awkward—simply comfortable, and it was almost as though his presence alone was enough to soothe any of my residual fears. He continued to convulse from the frigid temperature as I tried to pick up my speed, cursing myself for not waiting until we were in a warmer location before settling everything.
Once we arrived to the clearing where the cabin was located, Edward stopped abruptly, his expression falling into a bemused scowl. "Do they know?" he whispered faintly, and it was immediately obvious what he was referring to.
"Alice," I replied. "Alice is the only one."
He visibly relaxed at my words and smiled warmly. "Good." he replied before pausing and turning to face me with a concerned expression. "That's, uh... that's alright with you, right? If we keep this a secret for a just a little while longer..." he trailed off, averting his gaze.
I smiled at his docile expression, chuckling softly as I lifted my hand to his cheek and directed his gaze towards mine. "It's fine. I feel that same way," I said, noticing the way Edward leaned into my palm, his eyes closing contentedly. "We've got to get inside, Edward..." I whispered, leaning in and placing a chaste kiss against his lips. "So fucking cold." I let my fingers trail down the side of his face, barely feeling the chilled flesh beneath my numbed fingertips. I pulled away quickly, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the cabin.
"I'm fine, Jas..." he chuckled softly, trying hide the quiver in his voice.
"Don't be stubborn."
When we reached the cabin door, I released his hand and attempted to wipe off some of the mud and dirt that had accumulated on my clothes. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves before entering, hoping that nothing would appear too suspicious to our friends and family—all things considered, I didn't want anyone else finding out our secret.
I pushed the door open and entered the small cabin as Edward followed me in. Alice sat in the corner refusing to look up from the book she was reading, a knowing smile playing on her expression. Alice was so perceptive and intuitive to everyone and everything around her; she always knew how to handle complications and problems or how to react to specific situations. I knew that she understood that Edward and I wanted this kept a secret, and I knew that she would respect our wishes.
She glanced up for a moment and smiled sweetly as she stared directly at me, approval and understanding filling her chocolate brown eyes as she returned to her novel.
I turned my attention to the rest of the group and found them staring at us, waiting for our explanation of the night's events. I retrieved two towels from the linen closet in the bathroom before returning to the living room and handing one to Edward. His fingers brushed against mine, and all of my uncertainty and doubt melted away for just a moment as I reveled in the simple touch. All of our friends kept watching us, as though expecting some obvious shift or change in our behavior as a result of what had transpired earlier. They're scrutiny made me feel vulnerable—see through—and it almost felt as though all of them already knew our secret. I shook the towel through my hair as Edward and I walked further into the room, sitting on the rug by the hearth of the fireplace and making sure to remain a safe distance apart.
Emmett decided to be the first to speak as he took in our appearance. "What the hell happened to you guys?"
"What the hell do you think happened? It's storming," I replied with a scowl. I turned and grinned at Edward, laughing lightly as I pointed in his direction. "And this fucker was all the way at the top of the mountain."
"Yeah, I don't recommend walking down a rocky mountainside when it is storming. Mud, rocks, fuckin' rain... we both fell at least twice," Edward said with a chuckle, his eyes igniting as he offered the lie with perfect clarity.
"You fell? That's why you're both so dirty?" he asked once he got his laughter under control.
"Yeah, and if you wouldn't be a dick about it, that would be great." I glared at him, "You try walking down a steep slope covered in pure mud and we'll see how your clumsy ass holds up."
"So did you guys... talk then?" Bella asked, giggling as Emmett continued laughing obnoxiously next to her.
I turned to face Edward and smiled, knowing that my smile meant so much more to him than it did to anyone else—he would catch the significant little glint in my slate eyes, identify it, and no one else would be any wiser. "Yeah, we talked... I'm an asshole," I said, trying to hide the traces of affection that seemed so obvious within the words I spoke. "Everything's fine now."
Edward smiled warmly before roughly drying his hair with the towel. "Forget about it, alright? No harm done."
When he was finished drying his hair, he looked up at me once again and I felt every muscle in my body tense up. His hair was still wet and standing up in every direction as water dripped off of the ends and onto the towel that was now hanging around his neck. His cheeks were shaded dark red as a result of the drastic change of temperature. His intense green eyes were lightened from the flames of the fire burning next to us. And his shirt... Oh, his shirt was still soaking wet and very much see through as it hugged every curve and muscle in his arms and torso. I swallowed hard, trying to push back my intense reaction and visible arousal that was a result of his current appearance. He smiled crookedly and deceitfully, knowing the effect he was having on me, and the light sparkle in his eyes told me he wasn't planning on letting up anytime soon.
"I am freezing, and this shirt is soaked," he said as he looked down at the simple white t-shirt he was wearing. His gaze returned to mine for a small second, his eyes filled with a playful deception that made me instantly aware of his motives.
Such a cunning, sadistic fucker.
Without further preamble, he reached for the bottom of the shirt and begun pulling it upward as I struggled to refrain from openly staring at his stomach and chest. I swallowed hard as I shook my head lightly, silently begging him to stop as I felt an involuntary whimper escape me. I quickly remembered our surroundings and started coughing loudly, trying to eclipse the whimper that had accidentally escaped. I lifted my gaze to all five people staring me in confusion.
"I, uh... I think I may be getting sick," I offered in a strained whisper.
I felt a tremble run down my spine as I watched Edward pull the shirt over his head. He smiled knowingly at me, that fucking condescending and crooked grin that, yeah, I hated. My face heated up for a moment before I felt all of the color drain from my features, a variety impure thoughts invading my mind and spinning around. I soon I found myself staring at his toned chest and stomach as I struggled internally to avert my gaze away from the sight I so desperately wanted to reach out for.
Just crawl over and...
No... can't...
Who cares what anyone thinks? You want to...
So, so badly...
I directed my gaze to the floor, avoiding eye contact with anyone and everyone as I tried to remind myself why exactly it would be a very bad idea to give into that temptation. My muscles were taut and strained, my pupils certainly dilated as I attempted to find a distraction.
"You alright, Jas?" my sister questioned, concern lacing her voice as she watched me.
I nodded my head lightly and swallowed hard, "Yeah, yeah... uh, fine. Hey, I'm gonna go take a shower, yeah?"
As I was standing, Edward grabbed onto my wrist pulling me closer for a moment to whisper something only I could hear. "Try not to make it too cold," he said with a devious grin that lit up his entire features.
My head whipped around to face him, absolute disbelief coursing throughout my entire body as I watched his innocent expression, marred only by his quirked eyebrow. His eyes ignited with warmth, a soft grin falling across his expression and I couldn't help but mirror it. "Fuck you, Edward," I said, loud enough for everyone else to hear, curious to see what their reactions would be.
Edward and I had been close friends since the day we met, but whenever we were together in a group, I was almost always with Alice, and he was always with Bella. When we would socialize, it was always very casual and before today, we would almost never provoke and insult each other. Our behavior had changed drastically, so much more playful with almost an underlying affection hidden beneath it.
"You wish," he replied sarcastically, leaning his back against the wall.
I lifted my eyebrows, watching him for a moment with an amused expression. Fuckin' reckless.
"What?" Emmett questioned, eyebrows furrowed as though he was missing out on something.
All my laughter died in my throat as I knew this situation was becoming increasingly dangerous on our part. We were being entirely too careless with our statements. "Forget it, I'm freezing and I have an awful headache. I'm going to take a shower."
I turned and walked away, fighting against the unease that was rapidly returning the further I got away from Edward. Once I arrived to the bathroom, I shut the door and leaned up against it, closing my eyes and releasing a quiet sigh. The uncertainty slowly eased away as I entered the shower, letting the hot water alleviate any lingering tension and anxiety. I let the steam clear my thoughts completely, my rational mind returning and presenting a whole list of potential conflicts for the future. If we'd managed to cause this much suspicion in the past half and hour, I could only imagine what would be the outcome of spending the entire weekend huddled together in this small cabin.
The stress returned, an edge of fear surrounding me as I considered several possibilities. My reaction to him shirtless was almost enough to exceed beyond my control, make me forget about the consequence and overall complications—that would be our demise.
I stood in the shower for a while, my muscles relaxing under the warm water pressure. I knew that once I exited the room, I would be completely consumed by his presence all over again, and if he continued to tease and provoke me, I wouldn't stand a chance at controlling myself. It would cripple what little chances we had of maintaining our secrecy.
I exited the shower and realized I'd left all my clean clothes in one of the free bedrooms; I grinned as I let all of my stress melt away completely. I conceded that we would just remain subtle in our communications—and if anyone found out, well, I still had Edward.
I wrapped the towel around my waist and exited the washroom. My gaze immediately fell on Edward's mortified expression, his face draining of all color and his pupils focused and dilated—darkening with desire. His throat bobbed with a swallow as he tried to mask his emotions behind a sheath of indifference. And as fast as the color had drained from his features, it returned with a furious vengeance, a deep blush crawling up his neck.
I immediately noticed that he was now wearing a new shirt and a pair of plaid pajama pants, and I smiled to myself knowing that I wouldn't have to deal with the distraction of him shirtless. I walked through the living room and mirrored his previous grin, the sense of satisfaction surely evident on my features. I entered the desolate bedroom and shut the door, chuckling as his expression was burned into the depths of my mind.
Time for a cold shower, Edward?
Once I was finished getting dressed in plain t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants, I walked back into the living room and sat down in my previous place by the fire. The room was quiet and peaceful as everyone continued watching the television and talking casually. I chanced a few glances at Edward and noticed that he had relaxed, and smiling warmly at him when his gaze connected with mine.
He chuckled quietly, leaning a bit closer to me after making sure that everyone else in the room was preoccupied. "Nothing but a towel? Really?" he whispered, grinning surreptitiously. "You want to play games, Jasper?"
I looked around the room once again to make sure no one noticed our quiet exchange, before leaning in towards him and returning his grin. "Only if you're willing to deal with the consequences."
"Oh, I think I can handle that." He lifted his right eyebrow again and smiled crookedly, momentarily clouding my thoughts and paralyzing me. I quickly regained my calm demeanor and leaned back, allowing my head to rest against the mantle of the fireplace.
This is a bad idea. Bad, bad idea.
The gain is worth the risk.
I couldn't suppress the grin that appeared at my conflicted thoughts. Such a terrifying thrill—taking a chance and risking getting caught, and I couldn't find even an ounce of that old hesitance and unease that had existed during my shower.
Emmett stood from the couch, lifting Rosalie up with him as he spoke, "We're going to bed... I don't know if you guys figured out where your staying yet, but there's only three bedrooms, so that means one of you guys are going to have to sleep on the couch."
"I'll sleep on the couch," I said, suppressing a grin.
You're not going to sleep on the couch.
Fuck right I'm not.
Everyone stood from their respective positions and gathered their belongings, heading in the direction of the rooms they were staying in for the next two nights. Edward's gaze met mine just before he entered the bedroom, a mild spark igniting that told me he was more than aware of my intentions. It was his signature crooked grin that revealed his approval.
I sat waiting for the next thirty minutes, my previous anxiety returning as I thought about all of the consequence of our precarious behavior. My mind was flooded with scenarios and lethal outcomes that made me physically shudder—it was unnerving to consider such complications, knowing there was no way around it other than avoidance. I shook my head and scowled, knowing what I would be giving up if I just decided to sleep on the couch. It was the safest—but certainly the less appealing.
It seemed as though my mind failed to outweigh my desires as I stood from my seated position by the fire. I knew that Edward and I were dealing with delicate and perilous situation—that one simple mistake could easily reveal us—but I couldn't find within myself to stay away. I searched my surroundings for a moment, trying to ensure that no one was around to witness my actions—that wouldn't do, now would it?— as I turned off the lights and walked towards Edward's door.
I opened the door slowly, trying not to flinch at the slight noise the hinges made. I could feel adrenaline surging throughout my bloodstream as I shut the door and search the handle for a lock. "What the fuck?" I growled when I realized there was none. "Who the hell creates a bedroom door with no fucking lock?" I found myself turning to face him, my back pressed up against the door as I let out a shaky breath. "I should go."
"Hey..." Edward said, walking towards me and wrapping his arms around my waist. "It'll be fine. Stay." The smile that lit up his expression was devious—the tentative uncertainty from earlier gone completely from his features. There was a thrill behind all of the lying and scheming, impossible to ignore the allure of the secrecy.
I grinned crookedly in response, my hands gripping his waist and pulling him closer. I could feel my heart pounding beneath my ribcage, my blood surging with adrenaline once again, and a silent growl rumbled in my chest. It was a result of the intensity—the novelty of this abrupt relationship, repressed desires of over six months finally releasing themselves as I pushed him backwards onto the bed.
"You," I growled as I stared down at him, "are fucking mine." He smiled in response as I crawled on top of him, straddling his waist. I leaned down with both of my hands on either sides of his head, our faces only inches apart as my slate gray eyes connected with his piercing green ones. "Mine."
My hands tangled themselves into his hair as I closed the distance and my lips met his. They danced with very little delicacy, so very urgent and frenzied and I could feel sparks igniting at the point of contact. I tugged lightly on his bronze hair, pulling myself closer and trying to suppress a groan.
His lips were so, so smooth, soft, and warm, matching my every move, as though predicting it beforehand, and I just couldn't get enough. My hands trailed down the down the side of his face, his neck, shoulders, abdomen, until I could grasp his waist, pulling him impossibly closer. Fire shot through every nerve and synapse in my body, coursing through my blood vessels and meeting in the center of my chest with a heated explosion of energy.
I pulled back a moment later, our faces still so close as I inhaled deep breaths of vanilla and cigarette smoke. And it was so fucking perfect—so deliciously fitting—that I could help but grin at him. His eyes opened and I was met with darkened irises, the normal apple green morphing as a result of the intensity. He nodded, mirroring my smirk. "Yours."
I rested my forehead against his and closed my eyes for a moment, resting and trying desperately to even out my labored breathing. It was a long moment before I felt Edward shift slightly beneath me and I sat up, letting him move from his position. He smiled warmly in response, grasping the hem of his shirt, pulling it off, and crawling toward the top of the bed. I mirrored his actions as he pulled the black duvet comforter back and crawled beneath it. And as I finally shut off the lights and turned to face him, I could feel a tangible warmth wrapping itself around us, holding us together with a sense of intimacy.
Edward wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me closer as I buried my face into the crook of his neck. Every location where my skin came into contact was his was alight with a fervid flame, trailing through my muscles and warming my entire body with something that could only be called affection. I sighed in contentment, pulling him closer to me and entangling his legs with mine.
In the past, I'd never really allowed myself a chance to get romantically close with anyone around me; barriers that I had a hard time releasing had caused me to be emotionally distant from anyone who had tried. And Edward... Well, I could feel Edward gradually breaking any and all barriers that stood between us, captivating my emotions in a whirlwind of fervency and heat. I smiled softly, closing my eyes and embracing the warmth that consumed me, deciding that if anyone deserved to see me at my most vulnerable, it was him. "I really do love you. I have for a while," I whispered quietly, nuzzling my face deeper into the crook of his neck.
I could feel every muscle in Edward's body tighten, as though the words had caught him off-guard, unprepared for the onslaught of emotion. I lifted my head from his neck for a moment to meet his gaze, the green irises saturated with emotion and warmth.
I found myself unconsciously leaning forward and kissing him lightly before returning to my previous position with my face buried in his neck. I breathed deeply, allowing the scent of vanilla and lingering cigarette smoke to overwhelm me.
"Love you, too, Jas," I heard Edward whisper before the I was consumed by darkness and a warmth so divine that it transferred over into my dreams.
I awoke the next morning to an unusual pounding, seeming to reverberate around the room with ferocity. I clenched my eyes shut, nuzzling my cheek against the warm and smooth surface as I tightened my grasp around the object in front of me. I buried myself deeper beneath the blankets, trying to escape the light and the unending pounding that seemed so unrelenting.
I sighed softly, reveling in the sudden silence just as the pounding returned once again, awakening me completely and causing me to jolt straight up. My mind and thought process was clouded as I turned my head toward the door, realizing the the relentless pounding was, indeed, someone knocking on Edward's bedroom door.
"C'mon, Edward... Wake the fuck up!" Emmett's boisterous voice followed the knocking, filling the silent room with his muffled words.
Suddenly, Edward jumped up as well, searching his surrounding before his sleep-addled gaze met mine. It only took a moment for realization to sink in, his eyes widening with comprehension as he stared at me with a bemused expression. "Well, shit."
"Yeah," I whispered, looking around the room for a secret escape, expecting a trap door to appear out of nowhere. "What the fuck am I going to do now?"
"You lazy prick," Emmett continued with just a hint of amusement. "Wake up right now. Jasper's gone AWOL, I think."
Edward returned his attention to me for a moment, smiling crookedly before pushing me off of the bed and onto the floor. I landed with a majority of the blankets still wrapped around my waist, my back aching as I looked up at him with a scowl. "What the hell was that for?"
"You," Edward pointed at me as he jumped up from the bed, searching for a shirt and a pair of clean jeans to change into. "Hide under the bed."
"Do you hear me? AWOL!" Emmett continued, laughing slightly. "Ow... Hey, stop hitting me." From the other side of the door, you could hear Rosalie's muffled voice as well as Emmett's light laughter. "Edward, Rosalie says this is serious, and if you don't open the door then I have to kill you."
I chuckled quietly as I slid beneath the bed, unintentionally bringing some of the blankets with me. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed my dark blue t-shirt laying on the floor and quickly reached out to retrieve it just before the door opened and slammed against the wall.
"Why're you ignoring me?" Emmett's voice was clearer now that the door was opened.
"I, uh... Sorry. Just woke up," Edward mumbled as he grabbed his black distress-finished leather jacket. "What are you going on about?"
"Well, I was wondering if you might know where Jasper's at?"
Edward chuckled softly. "Jasper's missing?" he paused, laughing a little more. "Did you seriously say he's gone AWOL? You're so fucking odd."
"Hey, now... Don't you get sassy with me." Emmett responded in what sounded like an good-humored tone. "Rosie made me wake you... She's worried, I guess. I told her that he probably just went up the hill to smoke, but she insists we look for him."
"His car still outside?" Edward asked, feigning curiosity.
"Well, yeah."
"Then where in the hell does she think he could have gone? S'not like he'd get far."
"Right?" Emmett sighed, "Well, you're helping us find him... No way you get to stay here and sleep if I can't."
"You're so gracious, Emmett, thank you," Edward replied sarcastically. "I'll be out in a minute, I need to find my lighter."
"Fine, but hurry up..." Emmett said as he closed the door.
As soon as I was certain that the door was shut, I crawled out from beneath the bed. "Well, I assume you've got a plan?" I asked quietly. "You certainly seem quite smug," I continued as I noticed Edward's easy grin, his demeanor impassive as he searched for his lighter and a pack of cigarettes.
Edward nodded as he found a stray pack on the floor, pocketing them before I realized that they were mine. I shook my head, frowning as I watched him walk around the room, continuing his search for his little blue lighter. "You know, what? You took my fucking cigarettes, take my lighter too... Just tell me what you've got planned before I kill you," I said, picking up my green lighter and tossing it at him.
"Thank you," he mumbled, before walking over and wrapping his arms around me. I found myself leaning into the embrace, closing my eyes and releasing a soft sigh. Every ounce of anxiety fled my body, causing my muscles to relax. The warm scent that engulfed me was enough to perpetually ease my concerns; nothing could ever be tempered with the way his arms felt around my waist, the palpable heat, and the saccharine scent. That was what was important.
"Just stay here until we leave... And then once it's clear, go in the direction of where we were last night. Alice and I will go north, and we'll tell them to go south," Edward said, the smile evident within his tone. "Simple, eh? Just tell them that you left something on the mountain last night."
"Jackass," I muttered as he pulled away, missing the contact and warmth. "How long should I wait?"
Edward shrugged and walked toward the door, grasping the handle. "Give me ten minutes."
I nodded before hiding on the other side of the bed so I was out of view. Once I heard the door open and then shut once again, I allowed myself to relax, my entire body humming with anticipation and residual heat from Edward's hug. As I waited, my thoughts yet again strayed to the inevitable outcome of our friend's finding out about our relationship. It was an unnerving thought, but slightly less frightening, knowing that it was exactly that—inevitable. It would produce complications and questions that neither of us wanted to answer quite yet, but it was manageable. For now, though, the secrecy was preferred—an element of deceit that gave the entire situation just a little bit of a thrill. Yes, it would be easily handled... when the time came.
After my thoughts diminished, I exited the cabin, carefully searching my surroundings before walking freely. I walked on the same path as the previous night, taking in the scenery as I headed up the mountain once again, a light breeze causing a shudder to travel up my spine. I continued on the trail for a few more yards before I could hear a light voice in the distance, words barely legible until I stepped closer.
I reached the exact same location as the night before, seeing Alice and Edward standing in the very center of the forest clearing, arguing and completely oblivious to my arrival. Edward stood smirking at a very agitated Alice, his entire stance so impervious compared to her tense posture. His hair stuck out in dishevelment as the sunlight highlighted the bronze tints and the light brown undertones. And from what I could see, his eyes, also lightened by the sun, sparked in amusement, a forest green color that matched our surroundings.
"You what...?" Alice asked, her expression bemused as she watched him. "Rosalie would have cut your dick off if she would have caught you guys, Edward," she continued to scold, but it appeared as though she was fighting a smile.
Edward chuckled, shrugging slightly. "Rosalie's probably going to cut my dick off for existing one of these days. She's fucking brutal." Edward appeared uninterested and distinctly amused as he lifted his arms above his head to stretch, causing his shirt to lift considerably and revealing his tanned stomach. I grinned wildly, my eyes darkening as I charged forward and tackled him to the ground.
"Pinned ya," I growled, smirking as I repeated his words from the day before.
He looked up at me with light eyes and a amused expression "You know, as much as I love you tackling me... one of these days we're going to get hurt." His smiled, the fire that ignited in his gaze contradicting the statement.
"Well, make sure your stomach is fucking covered and you won't have to worry it about it," I said.
I heard Alice groan halfheartedly and looked up, raising an eyebrow. "And I have no idea where you get these awful ideas, but Rosalie is not going anywhere near his dick," I responded, lifting myself off Edward and helping him stand.
"You know, you guys certainly aren't acting like you want this kept as a secret." Alice's words were murmured in a serious tone but the smile on her face contradicted the cause. I shrugged, reaching into Edward's pocket and grabbing my pack of cigarettes and lighter. "See? It's stuff like that that's going to get you caught."
I lit my cigarette and faced her with an incredulous expression. "I wanted my fucking cigarettes back, what's wrong with that?" I asked, my tone defensive. "He stole them. Fucker."
Alice laughed. "A normal person would just ask... You two make excuses up just to fucking touch each other... You always have."
Edward smiled pushing me away lightly and then grasping my hand when I knocked into him. "Hear that, Jas? Always fucking touchin', huh?"
I intertwined our fingers, pulling him closer and embracing the delicious heat in contrast to the frigid air. I felt myself unconsciously lean closer to him, seeking out the familiar scent and warmth.
"Yeah, and how would you explain that one?" Alice asked, gesturing toward our enclosed hands.
"Well..." Edward started.
"We wouldn't," I finished for him. "See? Easy solution."
"Well, if you guys don't care about people knowing, then why in the hell did we have to come all they way up here?
"Just because we're not going to bust our asses trying to hide it, doesn't mean we want to openly display it," I paused, taking a drag of my cigarette and letting the smoke fill my surroundings. "Do you think I really want to explain this"—I lifted my hand that was still intertwined with Edward's, giving Alice a clear view of what I was referring to—"to my sister? It'll be easier with time."
Alice shrugged, chuckling softly before looking toward the ground. We continued the rest of the walk back to the cabin in a companionable silence, just as the night before. I released my grip on Edward's hand right before the cabin came into view, letting my cigarette fall into a small patch of snow. As soon as we entered the clearing and walked around to the front of the cabin, we saw Emmett, Bella, and a very irate Rosalie waiting by the door.
When Rosalie's fiery blue eyes met mine, they filled with an intense fury, narrowing into a lethal glare. "What the hell is wrong with you, Jasper? Where the fuck have you been?"
I felt myself immediately bristle under the chastisement, feeling defensive and enlivened by the accusatory tone that my sister had harbored. I fucking hated being belittled. "I'm not a fucking child, Rosalie. I don't need your supervision and permission, got that?" I growled, my expression contorting into what surely appeared as a scowl. I was aware of the ambiguity of my statement, the lingering double-meaning that surely only a few people were consciously aware of.
Edward grabbed my arm and pulled my back slightly, the tip of his thumb inconspicuously caressing small circles on my wrist. I could feel my muscles slacken, my entire posture relaxing under his ministrations, and my anger melting away. "If it makes you feel superior to know ever little detail about every little thing that I do... I left my keys in the clearing. I went to get them," I grounded out between clenched teeth. "So calm down, yeah?" I pulled my arm out of Edward's grasp roughly, and entered the cabin. I found myself sitting on the couch facing the simmering embers in the fire place, dusty ashes falling to the mantle as the wind blew in when everyone else entered.
After a small moment, Edward joined me on the couch that stood facing the opposite wall—no one could witness our small gestures of affection in our current position. Once everyone was busy and talking loudly amongst themselves, Edward lifted his hand to my arm once again, gently caressing the muscles beneath.
"You alright, Jas?" he asked after a moment.
"Mmm," I mumbled, letting my head rest on the back of the couch. "Fine... just hate being told how to live."
Before either of us could realize what happened, Bella rounded the corner of the couch and stood directly in front of us. Her expression immediately morphed from casual to contemplative as she noticed our close proximity and the way Edward's hand was gently caressing my arm. He pulled his hand away quickly and lifted an eyebrow at her, trying to look indifferent and uninterested. "Erm... food's ready, guys..." she mumbled as she turned and walked away, a light blush traveling up her neck. I found myself smiling at her retreating form.
I stood from the couch and joined everyone in the dining room, taking a seat in one of the empty chairs as Edward sat across from me. Everyone kept a steady conversation going, but I remained quiet for a majority of breakfast, listening to the others talk and watching the way everyone interacted with each other. I was mostly consumed with my thoughts, focusing on my conversation with Alice and Edward earlier that morning. I found myself playing with my light green lighter, replaying the entire morning with a small smile. I'd never really noticed but the color of my lighters always matched his eyes.
The rest of the day continued in a similar fashion; eating, talking, watching television and just enjoying each others company. We finished dinner and went outside for a while before everyone decided to head in for the night. I smiled at the thought as we entered the cabin and everyone went to their bedrooms. I waited in the living room for a while, before walking to Edward's room and and entering quietly.
I immediately walked over to him and pushed him onto the bed, jumping on top of him in the exact same manner as last night. My lips attacked his urgently, needing to satiate my desire and feel the fire course through my veins.
My hand reached for the bottom of his dark t-shirt, grasping the hem and pulling it over his head. My lips returned to his, moving in such perfect sync as I memorized every shape and contour of his abdominal muscles. Edward's hands trailed up my arms, lingering on my shoulders before pushing me backwards onto the bed and following my every move. My hands reached his bronze hair, pulling him closer and tugging the soft strands that stood up so messily. Fire ignited once again and went rampant throughout every nerve in my body, hungrily devouring my inhibitions.
Edward sat up for a moment, unbuttoning my shirt and ripping it open. I gasped as his hands trailed along my stomach and chest, creating a trail of warmth. I found myself reaching up and grabbing his face, pulling it back to mine as our lips met again, fighting for dominance.
Edward moved from my lips and started assaulting my jawline and neck, his smooth lips leaving gentle and tender caresses in their wake. My breathing was ragged and harsh, my mind clouded by thoughts of how it was so simple to drop my barriers around him—to relinquish every bit of control. Everything about him was so delectably fierce, and everything about me craved every single thing about him. It was a reckless desire—a longing and need so inexplicable that I couldn't even attempt to explain it—so impulsive and all-consuming. I could feel every ounce of repression slipping from my body, fighting nothing and making me, at once, vulnerable. So, so fucking weak.
The more I felt my control slipping, the more panic I felt crawling up the base of my spine, shredding every thought into a mess of incoherent particles. Did he want me as thoroughly as I wanted him? My head spun with distrust and uncertainty, gone was the rational intuition that usually existed and it's absence grew an absurd fear of abandonment.
Are you going to lose interest?
Are you going to fucking leave me?
Just like...
Edward continued attacking my neck, completely oblivious to the internal bloodshed and warfare that my thoughts had turned into. I could feel my vision blurring inexplicably, my breath catching in my throat. On impulse, I lifted my hands to his chest, pushing him away and quietly crawling backwards, away from everything he stood for. I watched him for a moment, aware now that I had silent tears trailing down the sides of my face.
I don't mean enough to you...
Edward's expression morphed so quickly into one of perplexed horror, his hand reaching out in my direction but retracting the minute I flinched away from the contact. Suddenly his expression softened, slowly reaching out once again and this time I forced myself still. Once his hand rested on my arm, I felt him pull me closer, his arms wrapping around my shoulders and pulling me into a tight embrace. Peculiarly, my fears somehow abated and increased simultaneously. His presence soothed me to a certain point in which only caused my anxiety to strengthen. No, surely I shouldn't be this close to you. You're going to leave me.
A single muted sob escaped as I reached forward and pulled him closer, burying my face into the crook of his neck as I had the night before.
"Hey, hey, shh..." Edward mumbled quietly, his hand tracing soothing circles on my back. "What's the matter?
I shook my head, swallowing against the onslaught of emotion: comfort, security, affection, and all of my conflicting emotions as well: distrust, hesitance, wariness. It certainly was an odd sensation, so many contradicting emotions consuming me, making me feel completely torn between fear and something almost like desperation.
Too fast, too deep, too much, and it's all going to be gone.
"Jasper... Tell me what's wrong," he whispered quietly, as he leaned backwards, pulling me with him. I found myself with my arm wrapped around his waist, my head resting his chest and his arms wrapped around my shoulders. I clutched at his bare torso, my fingernails digging into tender, sun-kissed skin, and I was almost certain that it would leave imprints and bruises.
"I'm fucking scared, Edward... Every time I get close to someone they..." I paused, shaking my head and refusing to even consider the direction that thought was heading. "You"—I punctuated my point by pushing him away slightly—"are going to fucking leave me. I lose everyth—" I paused again, growling in frustration as I lifted my hand to angrily swipe at the tears that were silently falling. I fucking hated crying.
I felt every muscle in Edward's body tense up, his muscles contracting as I continued to try and pull away from his embrace. He shifted suddenly, his hands lifting to my shoulders and pinning me to the bed, so that he was hovering over my struggling form. "Listen to me—" he cut off as I scowled and tried to knee him in the side. "Jasper, listen to me... right now," he paused once again, shaking my shoulders to get my attention. "I'm not going anywhere, alright? So, stop."
I continued to struggle, trying to avoid his piercing green eyes that were filled with so much understanding—so open and vulnerable and the epitome of everything I was terrified of. "You fucking liar," I growled.
"I'm not lying you to... You know I'm not fucking lying to you," he growled, his arms wrapping around my shoulders once again and muffling my protests.
"Stop that... I can't fucking think when you're—"
"That's the point," Edward said, his hand traveling through my hair and down my back. "Stop thinking, Jasper. I know what you're fucking thinking about and it's not going to happen, alright? Stop it."
I finally felt my muscle buckle, every cell and molecule in my body settling as a wave of exhaustion consumed me. I sighed and gave in to what he was telling me, allowing myself to release the fears and drop my barriers—to fucking trust him and believe him. I wrapped my arm around his waist once again, pulling him close and allowing the familiar vanilla scent to soothe my nerves. "I'm tired, Edward," I whispered.
"I know, Jas..." he replied softly. "I'm not going anywhere, alright? I'll show you."
I sighed, "Okay."
"Do you believe me?" he asked, such a simple and genuine question, and I felt myself deflate under the weight of it.
"No." The tone of my voice was worn and tired, maybe just a little raspy.
"I know," Edward's voice was understanding in a way that was unexplainable, an empathy so saccharine and sweet that it hung in the air between us. "I know." And there was bit of ambiguity to his statement, a lingering double meaning that I refused to acknowledge.
I found myself pulling him closer, my arms wrapped tightly around his waist as he pulled the black comforter over us, veiling us from the world. "Just fucking prove it, okay?"
"Of course I will," he said in an arrogant and affronted tone, chuckling slightly. "You know I will."
I nodded, accepting this as the truth as I pulled him impossibly closer, closing my eyes and feeling the residual tears drying on my cheeks. I could feel my muscles relaxing, my heartbeat slowing and my breathing even out. It was in the way that Edward knew every little touch—every little word to say—to calm every single fear and insecurity. I sighed once again, melting into the embrace and feeling something like trust—such a foreign emotion—swirling through my bloodstream.
Darkness and vivid glimpses of green and so much sweet vanilla filled my dreams.
Author's Note: I've virtually re-written this chapter, and I'm definitely more satisfied with this version. It paints a more accurate image of the two characters I wanted to create and personalize, and I'm hoping that editing the second chapter will be just as gratifying.
Thank you, once again, to everyone that's been so patiently waiting for my return. You're all amazing. :)