Part 1
I could be the one to give you all I am
May 10, 1994
Coffee was once the only comfort Skye had had in the prison world - the aroma reminded her of waking up Sunday mornings with her mom, readying for breakfast - but now just the smell of the grounds made her sick, had her sprinting to the bathroom, clutching her hand over her mouth, for the past few mornings.
Kai would barely take the lid of the can and she was running; she was starting to suspect he was now doing it on purpose, ensuring the can was as close to her nose as it could get when he opened it, but not being overly blatant about it. No, in a sneaky way that meant she couldn't accuse him openly. No, she had just had to stew in suspicion.
When she'd come back from the bathroom, wiping her mouth with her hand, she was hit with the scent of it brewing, causing nausea again. And of him sitting at the table, sipping from his own cup, a smirk present on the corners of his lips.
This particular morning, upon seeing her in the doorway, looking miserable, he had lowered the mug and pronounced dryly, "Maybe you're pregnant..."
"Yeah, right," she scoffed as she turned towards the cabinet, eyeing the coffeemaker in half-longing and half-disgust. She opened the cabinet, examining their contents. They were sparse - whoever had lived in this little bungalow in Cincinnati before must've been mininalmists. "Do you think we could go get some tea today?"
When her question went unanswered for longer than was polite, she turned to face him and was instantly floored by the thunderstuck expression on his face. Suddenly, he sat up straighter then went stock still, his face paling.
The implication had her immediately shaking her head, in denial. "No, no, no...you were just kidding, Kai."
Except, as she was just beginning to realize, there was some validity to his joke.
Skye stared at the stick her hand in shock. "There's such a thing as a false positive, you know," she said finally, turning to him.
Kai stood in the doorway, the color back in his complexion. Earlier, he just had just gotten up from the table and stalked out of the house, returning with a bag that he wordlessly held out to her as she paced around nervously.
Kai answered, mulish, "That's the ninth one you've taken."
She shook her head. "It can't be possible, Kai." The idea was insane, especially in a place where she could not physically change. There was no conceivable way she could go through such a short period of growth without complications, if at all.
He sighed and crossed his arms. "And yet it happened. Not a surprise, frankly. I'm pretty virile." The smile he flashed after the statement was predatory, directed at her.
Now she sighed. "You're pretty full of shit."
"And you're in denial," he sing-songed.
Skye was in denial - she stayed that way for the next few weeks, even while she was mid-throw up. Which, deceptively, did not only happen in the morning.
She groaned as she backed off the toilet and sat up against the bathroom wall.
Kai appeared in the doorway again, leaned up against the door jamb, his official station now as the knocker-upper. She refused to use a more appropriate term, like father. In fact, it made her shudder to think about. She couldn't wrap her mind around it - Kai as a father.
She must've been wearing her thoughts because Kai started chuckling, enjoying her misery. She glared at him, and he only grinned back.
She snapped, "How did you adjust so quickly?" She remembered how pale his complexion had been - ghost-like. But that had only lasted as long as it took her to take the first test.
He shrugged, as blase as ever. "It'll be a nice change of pace. You know, from the never-ending monotony of this eternal time loop."
That's an understatement, Skye thought. But, even she had to admit, he had a point. She just didn't know if she was ready for it.
After another month, they broke into the obstetrics floor of Cincinnati General and settled into Examination room 5.
Skye felt oddly nervous - shaky, nauseous (which she couldn't tell if it was from the morning sickness or nerves). Kai whistled as he fiddled with the drawers.
"So," he began conversationally as she settled onto the exam table, "I predict you're about 10 weeks in, which means we should be able to hear the heartbeat with a fetal Doppler - that just means I have to find it..." he trailed off absent-mindedly, still searching, opening another drawer. "Here it is," he said, pulling a device out that almost resembled a high-tech thermometer.
He started over to the bed, where she laid propped up. "We could've used an ultrasound machine at 6 weeks, but I don't know how to use them. So I'm gonna need a little bit more time to learn how," he explained. "We can save it for the big stuff when you're further along."
She nodded. He grabbed the doctor's rolling chair and wheeled it over. He grabbed the lever and raised it up so he could sit level with her still-flat, still covered abdomen.
She was reluctant to lift her shirt, feeling that the whole situation was ridiculous. There was a part of her that still didn't believe she was pregnant.
But she didn't need to worry because Kai was impatient - he turned on the device, removed the probe from its holder, and shoved her shirt up within five seconds. Then he paused, frowning. He set down the device in the free space by her side and wheeled back over to the drawers. From it, he pulled out a tube.
He then returned to her side and set the tube beside the device. His hand went to her waistband of her jeans, and, with bated breath, she watched as he unbuttoned and unzipped them.
He started pushing the waistband down, along with her underwear, exposing skin well past her belly button. She squirmed and raised her hands up, almost as if to stop him.
"Relax," he said as he stopped, her pants now resting on the crest of her pubic bone. "The baby's usually really low right now."
He picked up the tube and, uncapping it, squirted it on a spot below her belly button. She flinched at the coldness. Next, he picked up the probe and pressed it down right in the center of the gel. He used to the probe to spread the gel across her lower belly. Then he pressed down harder and started prodding her stomach more forcefully than was probably recommended by most health-care professionals.
"Ow," she complained. He rolled his eyes, but she noticed that he left up a little on the pressure. He continued his search, rubbing of the probe along the surface of her skin minutely. All the while, the device emitted a sound like a metal detector, picking up dead air until, suddenly, a staccato whooshing sound was a heard - loud and steady.
Oh, my god, she thought. There was a heartbeat - it was real, a tiny bundle of cells that would only grow into a miniature person that resembled one of them.
"That's your heartbeat," Kai said, frowning at the display of the monitor, sliding the probe again to the other side of her abdomen. "The rate's too low."
Skye's heart sank, and she felt her cheeks warm. He resumed his search, his eyebrows drawn together in concentration, until another whooshing sound could be discerned. This time it was fainter and quicker - it reminded Skye of an image: a hummingbird flapping its wings at such a rapid speed.
"There it is," Kai said. "The rate's around 160. That's the normal range, according to the book."
Now, Skye could barely believe it, due to the fake out earlier. "That's really it?" she questioned.
"Are you doubting me?" he asked back, turning the monitor in her direction. She studied the display above the speaker - it had a cartoon heart blinking in the corner, the numbers 163 at it's center.
"Oh, my god," she whispered, feeling her awe settle in. They had created a baby. She recalled the pregnancy scare she'd had in the beginning of the relationship and how terrified she had been. The fear wasn't there now.
Then there was just silence as they listened to the heartbeat, the weight of their situation crashing down on both of them in different ways until Kai went to pull it away, dragging the probe across to the other side of her abdomen, and a faint heartbeat sounded again. Kai's eyebrows furrowed, and he pressed the probe harder against the spot.
"It's picking it up again," Kai said, showing her the monitor again. The rate was high.
"It must've moved," she reasoned.
But Kai shook his head before she had even stopped speaking. "It couldn't have moved that quickly, it's not even that developed," Kai argued. He dragged the wand back up and the heartbeat there started up again. He moved it back over, and they heard the second one again.
"Maybe one is my heartbeat," she suggested, but he was shaking his head again in denial.
"The rates are high for both," he stated solemnly.
The implication dawned on her all at once, like a cold bucket of water had been dropped over her head. There was the fear she had been expecting...
Kai laughed then - a short disbelieving one that turned into a string of guffaws. "Twins...of course."
He kept laughing, each one getting progressively louder and more hysterical.
"Kai," she cautioned. His unhinged cackle was the last thing she needed as she felt her pulse rate increase, her chest tighten. Her breath came quicker.
If she thought a prison world birth would present unexpected complications ... well a pregnancy with twins certainly compounded it. She cringed as she remembered all the risks multiple pregnancies came with - low birth weights, higher chance of premature labor.
As she panicked, the sound of the heartbeat started ringing in her ears, like a taunt. Now it was here, now that she had heard it - she didn't want it to ever stop. Either of them.
Kai had finally calmed down enough to remove the probe, abruptly cutting off the heartbeat, and shut off the device.
Skye squeezed her eyes shut and tried to steady her breathing.
When she opened them again, she thought she spied Kai wiping actual tears of laughter from his eyes.
"I'm glad... this is so... funny," she snapped. But it was less threatening when she could barely get the words out due to lack of oxygen, nearly gasping out the words.
He seemed to finally notice something was wrong with her. He pursed his lips. "Less funny, more ironic."
"I can't have twins - we can't-" she stuttered.
"We'll be fine," he reassured, but it did nothing to soothe her.
"That's twice the puke, twice the poop, twice the crying, twice the worry," she forced out, her voice cracking on "worry."
"You act like I've never taken care of twins," he said simply.
"Yeah, and then you tried to murder them four years later so excuse me for not being confident in your caretaking abilities," she spat.
Instantly, Kai's jaw clenched, his face going dark but his eyes blazed with anger and - was it hurt? - and he wheeled back the chair, moving to stand. Skye immediately felt the bitter, twisted burn of regret and guilt in her chest. Here she was, alienating literally the only person who could help her.
She grabbed his hand, stopping him in place. "No, Kai. I'm sorry. Don't-," she said desperately.
He stood, stiff, his back to her. "Twins mean more complications," she explained. "I mean, can I even have a natural birth? Can you even perform a C-section? What happens when something goes wrong?" Her questions were mostly rhetorical, but they did the trick: he turned back around, walking closer to her, his expression one of impassivity.
He reached out his hand, his fingers pulling back a lock of hair that had fallen in her face. "Don't worry," he told her, a small smile in place. "If you die, you'll be regenerated like nothing ever happened."
She shook her head emphatically. "I don't care about me, Kai. You have to keep them alive."
Here, his head tilted as he regarded her, his smile falling. He looked perplexed - like the concept of caring for another life beyond your own was foreign to him.
"Please," she pleaded. "You have to. Nothing can happen to them."
Kai nodded, still looking perplexed but resolute, and she felt her chest lighten a bit.
The next day, Skye woke up to sunlight streaming in the window, feeling a urge to be productive. She disentangled herself from Kai and sat up; his arms went lax, falling on the bed at his sides. He remained asleep, unbothered by her movement.
She pondered as she watched his chest rise and fall - she needed to be extra prepared, to bring not one - but two - kids into the empty, alternate world.
Skye chose to wake him then, her hands squishing his cheeks until he snapped awake, grabbing her wrist, instantly annoyed with morning greeting. Laughing, she relented, pulling her hands away.
He grumbled unintelligibly and flipped over, putting his back to her.
She leaned over him, her mouth going to his ear, her hand squeezing his bare bicep. "Wake up," she commanded cheerfully.
"I didn't know you could revert back to childhood just because you're carrying children," he said, his voice gruff.
She ignored the barb. "Come on, we just have a big day today. Got some things to do, so please get up."
He flipped on his back, regarding her with confusion. This time, her hand went to rest on his chest as she leaned over him.
"What?" he asked finally.
"We have to go to the store - get baby supplies and furniture. Paint to paint the other room. Something gender neutral? Even though I don't believe in gendered colors. Sage green perhaps? I was thinking a zoo animal theme?"
Kai's eyes narrowed. "Is this a joke?"
"No," she replied. "I just want to be prepared in the only way I know how right now."
"Yesterday, you were the Queen of Denial, and now you're wanting to do everything 7 and half months early?"
It was the power of the hummingbirds' heartbeats, but Skye opted not to explain, not wanting to see the same perplexed look from yesterday on Kai's face.
"Fine, we can just browse," she conceded. "I'm just excited now. I realized I never thought I would get this opportunity - to be a mom or whatever - and now I have. "
Kai was watching her intently. She felt her cheek heat up under his scrutiny. She continued, "Also, it would be stupid not to take advantage of it, especially when I have literally everything in the world at my disposal. So..." she trailed off before she swiftly stood from the bed, snatching the blanket off of him as she went. "Get up. We have some shopping to attend to."
Kai groaned aloud - nearly a growl. "Really, babe?"
She stared as he rubbed his hands over his eyes. She was regretting taking the blanket off of him; she had inadvertently revealed his half-naked body and was distracted by the way his arm muscles flexed.
Shame, shame, she told herself, mentally slapping herself on the wrist. It was what had gotten her into this mess...well that, and the year-long streak of no violence - which was a record and another contributing factor to this mess.
"We're in suburban Ohio," he broke through her thoughts. "9 out of 10 houses in this neighbourhood have a nursery. Take your pick."
"I want to decorate one myself, Kai," she contended.
"Ugh, fine," came the reply as he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed.
She grinned.
So I thought I'd post this since it's taking me much longer to post the new chapter of Bloodsport than I wanted. I started this fic awhile ago as way to cope with the fate of the pregnancies in Bloodsport. So I hope you enjoy.