What if everything's just the way that it will be?
Could it be that I am meant to cause you all this grief?
"Her blood is on Silas's tombstone. It's filled with magic."
"Yep. So in Bonnie-land that means, in an island off Nova Scotia, there's a big, magical battery waiting to be tapped. We just need to remind Bonnie of that."
How did Bonnie stand these people?
That was the question Kai had been pondering for the last ten minutes as he fiddled with the Ascendant pieces on the other side of the pool table, listening to Damon's and Elena's back and forth, their "strategizing"- if one could call it that - on how they were sending Bonnie a message in the prison world.
Your prison world, a niggling little voice reminded him in the back of his head. Where you left her behind. He had taken to calling that voice "Luke." Because that little voice also usually accompanied a pang of - what he was guessing- guilt, a different kind of stab to the gut. A sensation that was becoming all too familiar, as he had been hit with it repeatedly earlier, when reflecting on his siblings during the days after the Merge and before coming to the Boarding House. And again when Damon had mentioned this particular day's special significance - Bonnie's birthday.
Yep, it was all Luke's fault.
"And what reminded you?" Distantly , Kai heard Elena's curious inquiry. She sounded just a touch impressed at Damon's thoughtfulness. Damon gave back some bland answer back that Kai didn't bother listening to, because the sensation he was feeling quickly turned into something he was fully capable of recognizing.
So he burst out, "Oh, thank God." Damon faltered in his reply and turned to him, cautiously. "You two, together, is still totally revolting to me." Damon glared while Elena half-chuckled. "Finally, a familiar feeling, " he continued, cheerily. "Luke didn't take me over completely." Kai set back to work on the Ascendant with renewed enthusiasm.
He was glad to feel it - because revulsion often preceded his homicidal urges. And those urges had arrived as he looked up at the two vampires. And that was really what he was grateful for...their return, it was something he hadn't felt since the Merge. Yet, he couldn't help noticing they weren't as strong as they used to be - now, he couldn't picture himself decapitating Damon and Elena or staking them with one of the pool table's legs to be permanently rid of their irritating presence. Instead, maybe just snapping their necks temporarily so he could work in peace.
It simply meant that the urges weren't overwhelming, like they usually were. That meant he could manage them, stifle them. And that was, perhaps, something about him that Bonnie Bennett could finally react positively to. When she came back, of course, and he apologized.
His new found enthusiasm was instantly dampened, though he was careful not to let it show, by the intrusion of a meat-head.
"What the hell is he doing here?"
Kai only smiled, "Hi."
He didn't want to snap Jeremy's neck, Kai decided, as he listened to the guy express his disbelief over Kai's seemingly overnight reformation. (Bonnie wouldn't take too kindly to that, Luke reminded). Instead, he just wanted to shove him outside and lock the door behind him. But he did neither, only kept meticulously repairing the Ascendant. Because, apparently, he was the only one that could be bothered to do any of the real work it took to get Bonnie home. A fact that was overlooked by all of his companions, he knew, as they kept gabbing away about whether they could trust him.
He finally shut them up with - what was in his opinion - an apt analogy, comparing his evolution to the devolution of Elena, the blood vacuum, and was soon able to finish his work. The Ascendant was recognizable again, and he zapped them into the prison world. But then the group discovered they couldn't manipulate their surroundings or communicate with Bonnie. A discovery that proved unfortunate when they realized her intentions, in drinking the oldest bottle of Bourbon in the house.
Right after that, they were zapped out.
And as he raised himself up off the floor, Kai was severely disappointed, in himself and in his magic. He wiped away his nose bleed, and he fielded the rest's frantic questions, denied their demands to reconnect. He was characteristically glib in his answers. But underneath that, internally, something deep and ugly festered and gnawed at the thought of Bonnie committing suicide. It just didn't set well with him. Once upon a time, he might've said the reason for that was that he wanted the courtesy of taking her out himself. But that wasn't all that true anymore...no, the true answer was more complicated and murky now.
As he plopped down on one of the overstuffed couches, weakened, he was forced to endure something even more draining than overdoing his magic - one-half of the Scooby gang's hounding. Something about an atlas on which Damon scribbled some notes about the island where the magic source was located. The thought of magic sources, and the new images he had of Bonnie sitting at the dining table and laughing at stupid videos of herself and Damon on the camcorder - which seemed to be on a constant loop in his head currently - sparked a different idea within him.
"Actually, I have a better idea," he said, his tone brightening. He sat a little straighter. "Where's Ms. Cuddles?"
Damon, that's who she would've sent the teddy bear to, he was certain, after she had played him so spectacularly in the cave that day. An act that had invoked a burning rage in him ... and a sort of begrudging admiration and twisted fascination, which had miraculously curbed his violent instincts. His restrained reaction was something that boggled his mind to this day. Any other person, he would've killed instantly. But not her.
He was pulled out of his reverie when Damon asked, warily, "Why?"
"Operation Nova Scotia Scribblings is great and all. You know, it's already gone so well so far," he said, rolling his eyes. "But wouldn't it be much simpler to just send her magic to her?"
Damon eyed him suspiciously as he moved closer to the couch Kai occupied. Elena and Jeremy only stared at him, but their expressions mirrored that of Damon's.
"What?" Kai said defensively, chuckling incredulously. " Just 'cause my plan's not as elaborate and far-fetched as yours, you can't see the potential in it? Not to mention its greater probability of being effective?"
"I'm not giving you the bear, Kai," Damon told him, smirking, with a look that clearly said, "Nice try."
"And why not?" Kai demanded, deceptively light. He stood, then, feeling a bit more stable. He faced Damon, squaring his shoulders.
Damon glared, and his voice became hard. " 'Cause I'm not letting you suck her magic out of it, ya siphoning freak. "
Smothering his anger, Kai let out a long-suffering sigh. "Fine, I guess that means I'll just have to take it to her myself." Smirking, he started around the couch to the table behind it. On its surface was the cake and other supplies for Bonnie's misbegotten birthday party. "I already knew where it was," he explained smugly. "Saw it earlier while you guys were retrieving the Ascendant. I only asked to be polite." He had sensed the magic, actually, in the object. It called to his own immediately when he entered the living room. Now that he had his own, he could feel the aura of her magic. A swirling pinkish-red; it was warm. It suited her.
However, when he was only a step away from the bear, which strangely sat with its back to all the action, Damon vamped across the room and snatched it off the table.
Kai exhaled a breath, reigning in his aggravation. Okay, I really should've expected that.
"You're obviously not getting it," Damon snapped, as Kai turned to him. "You will never be getting your grubby hands on Ms. Cuddles. Nor are you going back to your little hell dimension without us."
Kai tilted his head, and narrowed his eyes at the vampire. It was amusing, really, his tantrum and the way he was flailing his arms, waving the poor bear around. Also, that he thought he held any power over Kai. Hell, Kai could abandon the effort and walk out right now. They couldn't stop him, and they had really no other means of getting Bonnie back. Who cared if Jo got the letter, she'd probably never forgive him anyway.
Only, he did care and didn't want to stop. And a new course of action was forming in his devious brain. "Fine," he finally conceded, with the smallest hint of his contempt. "We'll stick to the atlas scavenger hunt. However, I think only one of you should go on this time around. " Two less people to get in his way.
"You just need to crank up your witchy-woo," Damon countered.
"That's not how magic works, Damon," Kai said knowingly.
"Make it work, Kai," came the impatient reply.
"Look," Kai started. "You can stand here and argue with me all day -"
Elena interrupted him. "We don't have all day. Bonnie's trying to kill herself." Jeremy nodded his head next to her.
"That was going to be my point," Kai muttered, then mouthed, "wow," to the floor.
But Damon still looked like he was going to argue. When Kai noticed his mouth opening, he quickly cut in, "Would it make a difference if I said that, through this way, whoever the lucky person is and I might have a better chance of being somewhat corporeal?"
He carefully watched their reactions - one of Damon's eyebrow went up while the Gilbert siblings' eyebrows just furrowed.
He tried again, "The objects of the prison world should be tangible to us." And he hoped, maybe, a certain one would stay that way as he left it behind.
Their confused expressions only grew stronger. "We can touch all the things," he explained slowly, exaggerating the syllables, and finally, comprehension dawned.
They all glanced at either other, assessing, as Kai suppressed the urge to bang his head against the nearest wall.
He wasn't sure what their hesitation was, but then he realized it was still a trust issue. It was his idea that only one of them go, so, of course, they thought he was up to something. To be fair, he was up to something, but his reasons were honest - he truly thought it was probably the only way they could interact physically within the alternate dimension.
What he really loved about their collective reluctance to trust him was that it was all borne from their sense of self-preservation - a natural instinct, sure. Even more understandable after what he just tried to pull with Ms. Cuddles. But he couldn't help but wonder if the situation was reversed, and Bonnie had to trust him to save one of them, how long she would take to agree?
Probably not as long as they were, he guessed, drawing on his own observations. He felt himself smile ruefully.
"I'll go with him," Jeremy volunteered, serious, taking a step forward, after several more moments of pointed, concerned staring had elapsed, mostly exchanged between Elena and Damon.
Elena promptly protested her brother's announcement, spinning away from Damon and towards him. "What? No, Jer."
Damn, this was grating.
"I don't care who it is," Kai interjected, falsely nonchalant. "Only that you pick soon. My valuable time is being wasted."
Damon sneered at him, while Kai smirked back innocently.
But Jeremy remained adamant, giving his sister a reassuring glance. "I'm going. You and Damon can hold down the fort."
Kai clapped his hands together. "Great! Now, let's just hope I can hold the spell."
He felt less weak now, invigorated at the thought of implementing his own separate plan. But that didn't mean his magic would cooperate.
"And if you can't?" Damon asked, while Elena's and Jeremy's heads snapped over, perturbed by his words.
Kai grew grave - while he had always been attracted to it, he had never much liked the fact that performing magic had such high stakes. That it held the equal ability to weaken him as much as it did to strengthen him. "If the magic overwhelms me, then I can't pull Jeremy out," he answered. "He'd be stuck over there for eternity." Not to mention, that he, Kai, would probably die. But they wouldn't care about that - nobody would, actually. That revelation was even more sobering, caused a sudden ache in his chest to join the gnawing in his gut.
But I might as well go out a with bang, he thought. Almost chortled aloud at the irony of his last possible act on Earth as something that could be classified as noble and self-sacrificing, for a person who consistently exhibited those such qualities - to a fault, from his perspective.
Elena had turned again to Jeremy with another objection, but was stopped with a swift, "Don't."
Kai didn't listen to the rest of Jeremy's spiel as he walked back to the center of the room, Damon trailing him. He pulled a settee from the wall, sat on it in a meditating pose, and closed his eyes.
Soon, all was quiet, Elena had been convinced, and Jeremy was settling on the couch Kai had vacated earlier. Kai clutched the Ascendant tighter in his hand and began the spell, "Phasmatos Tribum, Invocia Cavea, Misero Mundi. Phasmatos Tribum, Invocia Cavea, Misero Mundi." As he chanted, and sweat gathered in uncomfortable places, Kai suspected, that if he opened his eyes now, he would be met with a ridiculous image - an almost two hundred year old vampire clutching a teddy bear protectively to his chest. He would've laughed, except he was speaking Latin and needed to concentrate. So he cleared his mind of everything but the words and repeated them until they lost meaning.
Bonnie was still at the dining table when Kai and Jeremy landed in the prison world. Still drowning her sorrows in a glass of bourbon, but now her sorrow was more apparent. She was unraveling, fast. He couldn't see her face, as she was turned away from them, but he could hear her uneven breaths, her hiccups. The wavering in her voice as she talked to herself. She was fighting her grief, fighting sobs. He wasn't that surprised, that she exercised so much restraint in crying over herself.
No, the only emotion coursing through him was something foreign and strong; it choked him. It made him feel so uncomfortable, that at one point, he averted his gaze to his feet, but then his head popped right back up. It was like he wanted to torture himself.
It didn't surprise him either, when in a fit of rage and with an incoherent yell, Bonnie stood, grasped the bottle of bourbon, and propelled it down on the ground, where it shattered loudly.
Grabbing the camcorder, she turned and, resolutely and unknowingly, made her way past him and into the foyer. Watching her leave, he wondered if she'd feel it - if he had reached out and touched her like he had so desperately wanted to in that moment.
"Stay here and try to find the map," Jeremy told him. He only nodded solemnly, compliantly. It was perfect, really, Jeremy going after her. He wouldn't be around for Kai's next steps, and Bonnie would undoubtedly prefer that anyway if she knew. Concentrating deeply again, clenching his eyes tight, Kai murmured the words to the Gemini's Summoning Spell.
He growled out in frustration when he opened his eyes only to find his hands empty, save for a small drop of scarlet, fresh, on the back his right hand. If his blood was dripping, warm, from his nose in the prison world, he hated to see what his real body was like in the present world.
Bonnie had sent the damn thing away so casually in the cave, with barely a blink of an eye to betray her. Gritting his teeth, a small, caustic laugh broke through. There was that begrudging admiration again.
Nevertheless, Kai wasn't deterred. He repeated the incantation twice more until his head was throbbing, and a brown teddy bear with beady eyes actually appeared in his hands. It felt like it was alive, like the newborn kittens had felt in his palm, when he was twelve, before he had drowned them in a water bucket.
He mentally cheered at his success, too exhausted to physically do so. He set the bear in its official place, right next to the flower on the end table, at the foot of the couch. The same place he had set it to greet Bonnie when she had woken from her arrow injury-induced unconsciousness, with some misguided wish that seeing it would make her soften towards him, but mostly his plans for escape - only if his cleaning and bandaging her wound hadn't been enough, not to mention hefting her body out of the cave and back to the house (okay, so he had stolen some magic from her for that particular task, but she hadn't been able to feel any pain), and oh yeah, resisting the urge to murder her where she lay for facilitating Damon's departure.
Shaking his head, he chuckled resentfully at her tenacity. Because look where it had gotten them. He only hoped now it would keep her alive and get her home.
Kai trekked to the kitchen and searched the drawers of the island until he found Post-Its and a pen. Scribbling a better note than anything Damon could ever come up with, he strolled back to the living room, and he stuck the message to the bear's nose. Then he sat on the couch, tipped his head back, and closed his eyes. A ghost of a smile on his lips.
Idly, he noted that Luke had been suspiciously quiet for awhile now.
The next thing he knew, he was waking up with Damon's bleeding wrist in his mouth.
Coughing, Bonnie trudged through the door of the Salvatore Boarding House. She went straight to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, which soon turned to be several more glasses - like enough of it would wash away the corruption in her lungs.
Bonnie was taking the garage door opening as a sign. Maybe from her Grams. Perhaps she had pulled some strings from the beyond, from wherever the hell she had ended up after the Other Side collapsed. And she wondered, not for the first time, how her Grams could send her to this place after it did.
Stay strong, baby girl. Stay strong.
Well, she was trying, but the battle was getting harder every day. She avoided it today, but she wondered when her next inevitable falter would happen. Maybe her Grams's birthday. Maybe her dad's. Elena's. Jeremy's. She didn't even know when Damon's was.
She also hadn't particularly relished the idea of dying, once again. Alone, once again. Only comforted by the thought that she wouldn't end up on the Other Side this time.
She made a new vow to herself, as she walked slowly back into the living room, to stop keeping track of the days all together. He hadn't, she thought bitterly, remembering the exact number of days he had told her right before the worst Thanksgiving ever. 6, 771. If he could go that long, even if he had no choice, she could hold on a little longer. At least, until Elena and Damon returned again and hopefully didn't disappear. She was beginning to think she had imagined that interlude, created the illusion of her friends attempting to rescue her, out of sheer desperation and loneliness.
She shook herself, mentally, as she passed leisurely by the furniture, headed for the dining table, towards the cake she hadn't bothered to cut into earlier. But she stopped abruptly and did a double take. She blinked repeatedly as she surveyed the end table.
It couldn't be...but it was. Ms. Cuddles, with a yellow Post-It perched on her nose.
She was almost afraid to reach for it, figured it would disappear as she did. But it didn't. It stayed real as she grabbed the note and brought it up close to her face.
Ms. Cuddles wouldn't want you to off yourself. Especially on your birthday.
-K
P.S. Your friends are, like, really dumb. You should make some new ones. ; )
Bonnie was seized with a sudden terror as soon she read the initial. Spinning around, she swept the room, almost as if she expected him to pop out from around the corner. She waited several beats, but all she heard was the deafening, eerie silence she was becoming accustomed to, only able to feel the pounding of her own heart. Gingerly, she picked up the teddy bear. She could feel it: her magic buzzing beneath the furry fabric like a hive of angry bees. Calling out to its rightful owner.
"Oh my god," she gasped out. This time, joyful tears stung her eyes. She clutched the bear to her chest and smiled softly. It became a confused frown as she contemplated the note.
Finally, she decided she didn't care how Ms. Cuddles was back, however it happened, whoever was implicated. In that moment, she only cared that it was.
Dashing to the hallway, she glanced at the grandfather clock by the stairs. It read: 11: 52. A burst of spontaneity hit her, and then, with her hand splayed flat on Ms. Cuddles's belly, she drained the teddy bear of every last drop of her magic it contained.
Next, rushing to the Ascendant on the dining table, Bonnie grabbed it in her other hand, and took off out the door. She ran into the woods, to the cavern, ignoring the searing stitch in her side. Staggered hurriedly through its entrance and interior path until she reached the spot where Damon had dug a hole above. Had four minutes to spare so she caught her breath.
Bonnie ignored the sting of the cut she had to inflict on herself, for her blood. And performed the words she had gotten to know so well, when the sky darkened. Her ascension from the Prison World felt exactly like her "descension" - she was swept up, but all she saw was a bright light , that she had caused her to close her eyes instinctively.
Then she was there, in the Mystic Falls cemetery, outside the Salvatore crypt. The best part of all, she could hear birds and far off traffic sounds on Bagby Road nearby. The air was cooler, the trees had no leaves, and the sun wasn't perpetually shining, blaring down on her.
In other words, she was home.
She booked it to the Boarding House, stumbling at some points. Stopping to catch her breath at others, before starting up again. The air was soothing her sweat, though. And the looks she imagined would be on everybody's faces feed her adrenaline.
She started sprinting when she reached the end of the driveway. In seconds, Bonnie was bursting through the heavy door. But she stopped short, taking in the sight, shocked to her core.
The first person she saw was Kai standing in front of the fireplace, with an hand to his jaw, and an irate Damon opposite him, several feet away. Elena was in between them, arms outstretched, holding him at bay. So caught up in their own drama, they didn't even notice her. And she couldn't seem to say anything, she was breathing too hard.
"Damon, stop!" the girl commanded.
"So I'm gonna ask again! Where's the freaking bear, Kai?" Damon seethed, his veins showing his eyes, straining against Elena. Truly angry.
Her exertion had to be catching up with her, she had to be imagining his ire, because why would he be angry about being missing? She, Bonnie, was here. Wasn't that the whole point?
Her eyes were drawn, with an almost clinical curiosity to the small alterations of the House, the purple paper decorations that hung on either side of the fireplace.
Until her gaze drifted over and met Kai's, whose eyes were now fixed wholly on her, his mouth agape. He seemed shocked, rooted to the spot, speechless - a far cry from the cold eyes, smirks, and smooth words she had expected. He kept staring, now unaware of the vampire who had gained closer ground and was still bent on tearing out his carotid.
At least, he was until her vision dimmed, and all she saw was black.
"Bon," a voice called, laced with concern. Then the rest's exclamations came, but their's held astonishment.
It was his voice, first, though.
That she was sure of before she fell to her knees.
A/N: So I've been playing around with a few little ideas for Bonkai fics, and then I realized I could connect them all together. I couldn't resist and then this came out. If you want to see this continued, let me know because I'd like to get those other ideas out.
The italicized words at the top come from City and Colour's "Little Hell." It's a very fitting song for Bonkai. One day, I might make a Bonkai vid to it to go with this fic.
Anyway, thanks for reading! Hoped you enjoyed.