(A/n) I've had this poem stuck in my head for days. It refuses to go away and so I have decided to expand on these little passionate verses into something that will be interesting to say the least. This poem has no known title, I don't know who wrote it, I just know it came from a very old computer game called King's Quest 6. I hope it suits where I wish to take this story... and I hope you enjoy it. It starts, naturally, in the time line of New Moon. After that, it turns AU.
Welcome to my first Carlisle/Bella Fic.
Disclaimer: All characters and themes in Twilight series do not belong to me, but their respective author and publisher.
Soul Eternal
What was it when I looked at you
What power has chained me through and through
And binds my heart with links so tight
I cannot live without the sight of you
What nameless thing has captured me
And made me powerless to flee
What thing is it without a name
That brings my mind ere back the same to thee
The name of love cannot apply
Its commonest does not decry
The haunted, hunted, painful cry
That my heart makes for you...
That ere my soul eternal makes for you...
.oOo.
Chapter 1: The Jump
I often wondered where it was that this path would lead me to.
I knew from the moment he came into my life, and I discovered his secret, that nothing would ever be the same for me. I never regretted anything I had done so far in my short eighteen years of existence. Not even meeting him... He had been my first love after all, it was only natural that when he had ended it, it would seem to destroy me.
Oh how I wished, how I wished, that he could feel the pain that I had gone through during those dark days. I had given him my all and he threw it back in my face.
It would be as if I never existed...
Oh those words left its mark. I had sometimes wondered my own sanity. Had I dreamed it all? Had it been nothing more than some terrible flight of fancy? No. I knew that what I had lived through had been very real indeed. He could try to make it seem as if he and his family had never existed in my life but it would not work.
I had my memories and I had (though I shiver at that particular memory) the bite mark that had been left by the nomad who had hunted me. Though now, it feels as if it was lifetime ago. That shimmering, pale scar left on my wrist. It was cooler than the rest of my skin, a testament to the fact that the creature that gave it to me was anything but human. He could not erase that scar unless he wished to relieve me of that particular appendage. Which he didn't of course. He wanted me to live as normal a human life as possible.
Well, how ironic that I would find my joys in the simple call of an adrenalin rush. Oh, I knew my sanity was on the brink the moment his voice warned me in my own mind of the dangers in which I lived my life. I could understand the first moment when I had been aware, the guys that had been standing outside the bar that I mistook for the men who had nearly raped me many moons prior. Of course, he had been right. I was foolish to bring danger to Jessica at that moment. Though my fear had been non existent since the moment he left me on that forest floor, it didn't mean I had to drag my friends down along with me.
Jessica had talked sense into me before I had gone too close. I didn't realize how scared she had been and I made a mental note to not try anything like that with her, or anyone, around. I had apologized to her for making her uncomfortable. I had explained it was a mistake of identity. I thought I knew those men. She seemed all right and our girl's night out had progressed much more smoothly than it had when it started.
I smiled, I laughed, I lived as he wanted me to. It couldn't erase the hole he had punched through the very soul of me. He had always gone on about saving my soul yet he didn't realize he had destroyed it with his very own hands.
I suppose I wouldn't have been so bad if the family had not abandoned me as well. I had hoped at least a goodbye from the pixie who had professed to be my best friend. I hoped to get a goodbye from the woman who had been as a mother to me as I was to my own. I had hoped that the man, who had been like the older brother I never realized I needed, would wish to give me one last bear hug. One last goodbye from those who had welcomed me most.
Most of all, I wish that the father figure, the leader, of this coven of vampires, who had been like a father to me, would wish to say goodbye. That was all I truly craved. I wanted at least a goodbye. They didn't even grant me that...
I am bitter, I can admit that. Wouldn't you if your love, and the family you always craved to be a part of, just disappeared?
Hmph.
I supposed there's no sense in crying over spilled blood. I never blamed Jasper for any of it. He had his own lust, plus the lust of every vampire in that room, to deal with. Especially since I was his singer. No, it wasn't Jasper's fault at all. I bet Edward never said a word to Jasper that I never blamed him for it. It was at moments like these that I hated the boy who had the gall to break me. For he was a boy and a selfish one at that. Then again, I was but girl. A silly, starry eyed girl who had been brought to reality in a very rude manner.
For you see, he left a goodbye gift for me. Ha, he really did. A little gift by the name of Victoria. The flaming haired vixen who managed to escape the clutches of a pack of shape shifters that my best friend, my sun, was a part of. I swear she has a gift for escaping. She always managed to slip through their paws...
Ah well, no sense worrying over that little detail. Her entire existence focused on little old me. She wanted revenge for the idiot that had challenged a coven of seven vampires to get an afternoon snack. A mate for mate, perhaps? Ha, I don't think so. Not as Edward so kindly stated to me.
Ah well, be that as it may. I am her soul reason for existing now and if I'm out of picture than perhaps she would leave my family in peace. I would hope so... I counted on my Jacob to protect Charlie. My father was an honorable man who didn't need any of this supernatural shit on his plate.
No, I love my father. I wouldn't allow this crazy vampire to harm him in any way. At least, I would try. At the moment, I was taking up on Jacob's invitation to go cliff diving. At least, a solo invitation. The moment was too perfect for me. A storm was raging above me, the sea roaring below me... It was perfect. Just like him...
Even now, standing on the edge of oblivion, I can hear his voice in my mind. Begging me to stop, pleading with me to turn away. Danger...
The laughter slipped from my lips before I could stop it and I raised my face to the onslaught of rain, feeling it soaking me to the very marrow of my bones. "You didn't listen to me then Edward... Why should I listen to you? You knew the dangers when you brought me into your world as well as I. Yet you still pursued me. Damning you and myself to hell. It was your own stubborn fault for leaving me in this situation. I have to clean up your mess... If this is the way to do it, then so be it..."
His voice had faded then, drowned out by the sound of crashing waves and pounding rain. I raised my hands to the heavens and pleaded to the gods above to save me from this hell. I had loved with my all and it wasn't enough. I was not enough.
Even now, I was being selfish. Thinking of my own pain and my own needs above those who loved me. Then again, I had always thought of others' needs before my own prior to this. Sad to realize it took me this long to be selfish. I just always knew I was never meant for their love. My parents, Jacob... Only him... his family...
Could I be loved? Am I enough? There must be something greater than myself that can show me... please... Fill this hole in my soul...
With one last glance at the thundering sky above, I braced myself against the fierce wind... and jumped...