A/N: WAIT! STOPU! READ THIS NOTE PLEASE! Embers of Hope will be updated after this. As will A Most Unlikely Berserker.
EDIT: PLEASE BUZZ OFF WITH THE FLAMES, WILL YA?! Are you trying to drive me into a depression with these threats!? On top of that, a lot of people seem to be angry about a twist pulled in this chapter. I said before, its supposed to be a humorous story. Despite the tags, its meant to make you laugh in these dark times. But it also has its serious moments. Still, what's the point of being cruel and saying die die die, or that this story is shit and nothing else?
Bashing me to hell does nothing but make me want to leave.
And right now? After all the flak I'm getting? It hurts. It hurts a lot.
As ever, I own nothing. No references or quotes. I know I said I wouldn't do anymore requests because of my Illness. HOWEVER! I also said a few weeks back that I would take a single request if my Coronavirus test came up negative and I began to recover. And guess what? After days upon days of waiting, agonizing alone in my house with nothing but Tylenol to help me.
WHOOOOOOOOOOO! *dances around happily* I'm better! Thaaaaaaaaaank the lord!
I can finally go outside again! Or not, seeing the way the world is. Still! It only took hell and a half to get a response from my doctors, but I don't care! That's a weight off my shoulders. Starting to feel better too, the worst of this flu must have passed overnight. So as a celebration, I'll honor a request someone made me of me a few months ago.
So here you go, Samantha, you beautiful woman, you! I keep my promises, sweetheart! Hope you enjoy the fruits of my labor!
Her request was for a humorous RWBY crossover, but in a different vein to Embers of Hope. She was, ah, very specific in said request. So here. No idea if this has been done before, but this is what she, the commissioner asked for. but here goes nothing. I won't say anymore for fear of spoiling things...though I will say this. The story is called Wolf In Sheep's Clothing for a reason. Really good song by Set it Off. I'd humbly recommend listening to it for this chapter, if it strikes your fancy.
And this chapter? It takes place in Volume 3.
Suffice to say its a little complicated.
There we go. No more spoilers!
Get ready to grin.
"Gods are dicks.
Go ahead. Try to convince me otherwise.
You can't, can you? Cosmic power makes monsters of men."
~?
Wolf in Sheep's Clothing
Most of us don't want to die.
When faced with death's cold embrace, we sacrifice and scream and struggle and cry. We beg and bargain and deny.
Naruto Uzumaki hadn't expected to perish in the first place, and thus, did none of these things. If anything, his demise came as quite the surprise.
He'd been indulging in a large bowel of ramen some days after a hard fought battle with one Sasuke Uchiha when death came for him. It was sharp and sudden. He keenly recalled the salty taste on his tongue; just as he remembered wrestling with both the chopsticks and the bowl alike, grumbling at how annoying it was to rely on one arm until a new one could be grown another from Hashirama's cells. There was nothing particularly odd about the occasion, nothing out of the ordinary whatsoever. It was a simple meal, all things considered
Until he found himself floating in a staring -floating, really- in an endless white void.
"What the actual hell." he deadpanned, raising a lone arm before his face in mild consternation. "I call bullshit."
Those words were spoken in irritation if nothing else, left to echo endlessly into the abyss. There was no weight to them, nor bitterness.
"Quite so." instead, an unfamiliar yet-soothing voice answered him almost immediately. "You choked to death on your lunch. A most inglorious and unexpected end to your life."
Naruto didn't expect a response, and thus he turned to face the voice, as any sane individual might. Now, he'd seen his fair share of false gods in his day. Obito, Madara, and Kaguya, to name a few. Many shinobi claimed to be something they weren't. It came with the territory and by now, he was used to dealing to with individuals who wielded supernatural abilities.
But this?
This one fit the bill.
Wreathed in golden light, this absolute giant only appeared humanoid in the vaguest sense of the word; the crown of antlers on his bald head reminded the expired shinobi of a dear. Even then his faceless visage lent him no hint of emotion. Judging by his broad chest and features, he might have been a male. Who could say? He certainly didn't expect the big bastard to make him an offer.
"I would make amends for this."
...giant say what now?" Naruto managed less than eloquently.
That horned head tilted as the giant clasped two arms behind his back. "I am offering to resurrect you." A pause. "To return you to your body."
A wiser man would've kept his mouth shut and accepted the offer for what it was. Naruto didn't, and for the life of him, he didn't know why. Perhaps he was still able to sense negative emotions, even in death. Perhaps he was simply feeling cranky over his untimely demise. Maybe something just smelled fishy about this. Regardless, he asked the question he shouldn't have.
"Why?"
The god looked away.
...I may have lost a bet."
Naruto's jaw clicked open with a pop.
"Ex...Excuse me?" he choked the words out.
For some reason, the golden god felt the need to expound upon what he'd said.
"I placed a wager with my brother; one that you would live for quite some time yet." it turned to glance at him, and something akin to a chill shot down his spine. "You were not due to expire for another fifty years. I had not expected you to perish in such an unseemly fashion as this." it unclasped its arms and folded both before its broad chest as it edged one foot forward. "I am prepared to restore you to life so long as you don't speak of this...incident to my younger brother." a faint, almost whimsical note entered its voice. "The God of Darkness has a tendency to react poorly when displeased."
"So I'm guessing you must be the God of Light, then."
Its head bobbed. "You would be correct in that assumption."
When it offered him its hand, Naruto almost accepted its offer in good faith. Almost.
"Wait." Still, something nagged at the blond and he pulled his hand back. "Why bet on me at all?" he asked. "Not that I'm flattered and all...just, why?"
"My brother and I have been lacking in entertainment since we departed our world eons ago." as he looked on, a small blue sphere began to dance before the deity's outstretched palm, swirling like tiny marbles alongside many others. "When we first found yours, we elected to observe your kind rather than intervene. Placing wagers on you lot became...a way of passing time. I have won every outcome thus far." left unsaid was the silent implications of what they could have done, had they chosen to interfere. It sailed right over Naruto's head like a rock.
"Speaking a' which," the blond wrinkled his nose. "Just what kinda bet are we talking about here?"
"The winner of this wager would choose the next world we were to create." came the reply.
Naruto tumbled backward. "That sounds like a pretty big deal, you know!"
"It is." The God of Light agreed. "All the more reason that I triumph."
An epiphany struck the jinchuuriki like the dawn. "Wait a minute! If I died, doesn't that mean you lost the bet?"
Was that laughter in the distance?
The God of Light twitched at the sound. "I did not lose. I am returning you to life. Therefore the wager continues."
...you're a bit of a sore loser, ain'tcha?" the blond prodded.
"I do not lose."
"But, you kinda did this time," Naruto reasoned, raising a finger, utterly unaware of the proverbial landmine he just trod upon. "Look buddy, I get it." he nodded. "You lost a bet. You don't wanna pay up. I've lost more than my fair share of card games to Kiba my day." his slim shoulders rose and fell as he laughed. I didn't like it, but I paid up." he smiled. "Why else would you resurrect a mook like me? Plot? Nah. You just don't want to lose to your baby brother. I think that's awfully human of you, ya know? What's wrong with letting him win?"
The distant laughter intensified and drew closer, causing the God of Light to growl. "He has not won-
"OH, BUT I HAVE!" came a deep booming cackle! "TAKE THAT, BROTHER OF MINE!"
A rush of hot air blasted Naruto's soul from its nonexistent feet and sent him spinning into the nothingness with a startled yelp. The God of Light made no move to aid him. Hysterical terror gripped him and he feared he'd keep doing just that, spiral away into limbo without any means to recover in time. He was just a soul now after all; he had no means of stopping himself, much less a way to control his momentum. His limbs pinwheeled wildly in the void, to no avail. No! Bad soul! Stop! Reverse course! Stoooooop!
Giant purple fingers wrapped around the blond's sullen soul and pulled him back from the brink with the meanest of ease.
"Victory!" the new voice roared the word in a single glorious gasp, momentarily deafening the blond. "For the first time in millennia! And I have you to thank for it!"
When he recovered, he found himself face to face with another God.
By comparison to the towering God of Light this newcomer stood at least a head shorter, though it proved itself no less imposing. Dyed in the deepest of dark purple, a visage devoid of any expression stared back at him, somehow managing to radiate childish glee despite its lack of facial features. Segmented horns curved back over its cranium, seeming to drain the very light from the afterlife itself. And yet for all that, he found himself oddly reminded once more of a young child given its first toy. It was almost...endearing.
God of Darkness? Probably. He looked the part.
"You have my thanks, mortal." it sketched him a low bow and released him. "My boon to you."
"No!" The god of Light interjected with hiss. "You can't! None of that! No boons! We've done that before! It never ends well!"
"Can. Am. Did." the young brother snapped its fingers with a resounding click in spite of his brother's words. "Already done. No take backs."
"BROTHER!"
"Lalalala! I can't hear you!"
Naruto didn't so much jump as he did shudder when a faint violet miasma leaped from the smaller god to strike his soul. A god's boon? Was that a good thing? Bad thing? Good luck? Bad luck? He didn't feel any different. Sure enough, the faint radiance faded, leaving him much as he was before, with only the faintest of confusion. The God of Darkness had clearly done something, though he knew not what. It was the not knowing that drove poor Naruto up a wall and had him frantically looking over himself like a madman.
...I'm not going to sprout a third arm or something, am I?" he asked. "What did you do?!"
The God of Darkness chuckled. "I gave you my boon."
"Yes, I can see that." a blue eye twitched. "What the hell does it do?"
...you'll see. In time." and didn't that mean bugger all?
"Are all gods this mysterious?" he groused.
"Not all," the smaller god shrugged. "Just some of us."
"Are you happy with yourself, brother?"
"Happy, you say? No." The God of Darkness shot back as he drifted closer to his irate sibling, leaving Naruto trapped between them. "I'm not happy. I am fucking ecstatic." Two burning fingers rose and jabbed the God of Light hard in the chest. "Tell me, how does it feel to lose, brother? Not very good, I imagine. I'd know."
...go, then." the words were a growl. "Play with your new world as you please."
"And let you kill my new minion while I'm away?" the younger brother scoffed. "My first true believer? I think not!"
"Minion?!" Naruto squawked incredulously at the claim. "Now wait just a minute! I did NOT consent to this!"
"I won't kill him." came the sullen reply over his cries. "On that you have my word."
"Your word. Ha!" a dark hand swept the air between them and the world trembled before its wroth. "Your word clearly means nothing to you! There are things worse than death, brother. You could turn him into a rock. Leave him here, trapped in the afterlife. No, I will not trust your word. I demand something...more."
"What do you propose?"
The God of Darkness preened smugly.
"A pact between us." he declared, preening as the older god visibly wilted. "That, at least, will prevent any treachery on your part."
"You would destroy us both?!"
"Not if you keep your "word" this time, brother."
Naruto raised a tentative hand. "Hey, can I just get a word in here-
"NO!/Denied!" they shouted him down with the fury of a thousand storms.
A moment of awful silence passed between the two deities as they gazed upon one another; sharing some silent conversation Naruto couldn't hear. Then another. Another still. A minute passed. Two. Three. Naruto waited impatiently, crossing his spectral legs beneath him. An hour dragged itself by, and still no result-
All at once, they shook hands.
"Excellent." The God of Light spoke first. "We have an accord."
The God of Darkness didn't need a face to sneer. "For now, brother. But I will be watching. And as for you...
Naruto stiffened as that expressionless gaze found his. "Eh?"
"Bring forth chaos in my name. That is all."
In a swirl of dark light, it left the two of them alone.
Even from here, Naruto couldn't see the God of Light's expression, but he had the distinct expression that the celestial being was suddenly...cross with him. Why?! He hadn't lied! Did he say something wrong? There wasn't anything wrong with telling the truth, surely. A moment of awful silence followed.
"Sooo...about that resurrection...
With a stiff, angry movement, the God turned to face him.
Naruto backed away. "Now, wait a second! Lets not do anything we'll regret. Just resurrect me and let me be on my way. Bygones be bygones, you know?"
The celestial being drifted closer. "I don't think so."
"I mean it! Don't make me fight you!"
"You are but a soul now; you have no power here." Was that a sneer in its voice or a laugh just now? He wasn't sure he wanted to find out. "My brother and I have come to an agreement. I have just the body for you. Its mind has long since departed, but their physical shell yet remains. The spirit is willing, but the flesh weak. Perhaps you can use their form to effect some small change on the world we left behind. You will be hunted and cursed, hounded for your very life. Use their memories and abilities. Try to survive. Or die. I don't much care."
"Don't you dare! Don't even think about it!" Naruto's measured retreat had become a full rout by now. "Just give me back my original body! I don't want a new one! No more adventures, please!"
"Worry not for your friends young warrior, I have the matter well in hand."
"LISTEN TO ME! YOU HORNY LITTLE SHIT!"
Still, the God of Light ignored him. "And finally...you are forbidden to reveal your true identity to anyone. It wouldn't do for anyone to know of you; that might endanger your mission."
"What mission?!" the blond flung up his spectral hand. "You didn't give me one! You just want to get back at me for losing!"
...I know not what you mean."
Naruto felt something tighten in his chest, but took a swipe at the God of Light anyway. "Just send me home already, blast it! Why am I being punished for this?!"
"Because, I dislike you." the horned one brushed him aside as one might an angry toddler. "You have five seconds, by the way. Do mind the drop."
Naruto blinked. "What do you mean mind the droooooooooo-
Before the whiskered warrior could think to shout at the big bastard, his word fell away. So did he. Quite literally at that. Gravity, content to let him be until this very moment, suddenly sank its claws into him. Everything shrank to a single pinprick of light as he tumbled away from the self-proclaimed god, leaving him to recede into the distance.
In his final moments of consciousness, he railed at him...
"YOU SONUVA-
(.0.0.0.)
-BITCH!"
...and he opened his eyes.
Reality snapped back with a god-awful lurch, leaving his stomach roiling as his forehead jerked upright to collide with something flat and large and solid; so much so that he bounced right off. Blunt force trauma nearly finished what the God of Light started. Okay. Headbutting metal? Very bad idea. Pain flared in a startling sunburst behind his eyes and he groaned, rolling over. Rather, he tried. He couldn't manage that in the confined space. Even raising his arms proved something of a miracle and those were preoccupied at the moment.
"Owwwww!" he whined, clutching at his skull as his legs flailed. "That hurt! What the hell?! Where am I?!"
The voice that emerged wasn't his own; he knew what his words sounded like by now and the angry curses that tumbled from his lips were anything but. These...these weren't his words. Their pitch was all wrong. Softer than what he was used to. Scratchy, as though it hadn't spoken in years. Almost feminine by comparison. As if it belonged to a...
Naruto felt his blood to turn ice in its veins.
"No." the word was a hiss. "You didn't. You did not!"
Against his better judgement he tentatively looked down at himself. Herself.
A trembling finger rose to his chest and gave one of the twin globes there an awkward poke. Ouch! "Why the hell do I have tits?!"
He did indeed. Tan skin greeted him, followed by a firm young body clad in a white tube top and a white skirt. Not the sort you'd expect to find on a comatose patient. With each passing second, his temper rose, and his voice with it. His skin definitely wasn't that dark, nor was his hair brown. That put any last desperate hope of his to bed. This wasn't his body. This was the form of a young woman and...oh, no. Was this what the God of Light had been prattling on about? Why was everything shaking? He'd woken to find himself trapped in a pod of some sort
Belatedly, he realized something else.
"No, no, no! That rat bastard!" his new voice jumped an octave in a shriek as he looked lower still. "It's gone! I'll kill him!"
Had his soul been forced to possess someone? Was this a corpse? No. It felt alive. Weak, but alive. But for how long? He was so tired. Why was he tired?
His hand shot up and pressed against a cool glass surface, to no avail; he could barely see through the damn thing. With a snarl he rammed his fist against it. Once. Twice. Thrice.
"Let me out!"
Once again, someone answered him. Thankfully, this time, it wasn't a god.
"Headmaster!" A young woman's muffled voice cried through the glass. "I think she's moving!"
"Nonsense." came a man's reply. "You're probably just imagining things. "Into the pod you go, Pyrrha."
Naruto hissed, a pit of dread opening in his stomach. He had a bad feeling about this. "Don't ignore me, damnit!"
Countless memories mingled with his own when he tried to strike again, innumerable images and emotions assailing him, twisting and twining through his thoughts like a old roots. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to hold them back, to no avail. They eeled through his grasp and tangled in his mind. No. Stop. He didn't want to look at those. Didn't want to see. They were too personal. Hers. Not his. He saw a little girl sniffle as someone bandaged her scabbed knee. Felt a staff in his hands, fire burning in his palms. Heard the voice of an old woman:
"This is your burden to bear, my dear."
"Stop, damnit!" he grit his teeth. "I don't want to see this!"
But much like the meddling gods that had trapped him here, the memories didn't care.
They came on stronger now, dying embers of a life he hadn't lived blazing to life before burning down to cinders. He found himself forced to experience each one. Every moment. Every second. Not just the girl's memories, but her very sense of self. Her life. She'd had friends. Family. All of them were gone now. Taken from her. He saw a woman with dark hair and golden eyes stretch a gloved hand towards her...then blackness. She'd been so afraid before the end. So afraid...
Then came a name. Her name. Amber.
Something in this body had died a long time ago; he could feel the intrinsic knowledge rise when he reached for it. Her mind slowly whittled away by time, years of slumber, and whatever horrors the woman had inflicted on her. Tentatively, he sent out a feeler and poked at what he thought might have been the poor girl's psyche. There was no response whatsoever. Her body was willing, if weakened. But her mind...gone. Not even a twitch. What kind of sick joke was this? Thrown into the body of a comatose girl, someone who was all but a vegetable, and left to fend for himself. This wasn't just foul by any measure of the word. This was cruel.
...that settled it. The God of Light was a dick.
Something told him the God of Darkness wasn't much better.
Yet beneath all his irritation, beneath all that pain and misery, Naruto felt something else. Power.
When he renewed his struggles, a heady sensation not unlike warm broth flooded his veins, bringing with it an almost pleasant euphoria. It wasn't chakra. Couldn't be. But it was...similar. Enough to wake her body up and reignite the pain blazing in her -his!- head like a wildfire tsunami. He held onto it, even as something tried to suck it out of him. No! He held on, clinging to his second chance at life even as this strange machine tried to all but suck it out of him. It made him angry, and in turn the anger gave him strength... until he looked up, and saw a shadow.
For a fleeting second his vision cleared, and through his burning eyes, he saw someone.
A lone figure stood on the other side of the room, a woman's hazy form in red and gold. She knocked an arrow to her bow.
Naruto didn't think. Didn't breathe. Just reacted. Power coursed though her -his?- hand, lending strength to these slim limbs that weren't his own.
This time, when that glowing fist shot out and collided with the glass, something yielded. Rather than shatter, the entire pane shot forward like a bullet; one that collided with the Archer about to take his life. Her pained grunt was the most satisfying sound he'd heard since waking up. The sight of her crashing into the elevator from the impact? Slightly more so. Wait. What was an elevator? How did he know about that? Another memory buzzed at him and he pushed it away with a growl
It was all too much to take in; even as he climbed free of the pod, even as the glass crunched harmlessly -why wasn't there pain?- under his bare feet, even as he found his footing.
He didn't know what was going on. No. Wait. Part of him did.
He knew where he was, just as he knew the old man gaping at him like a codfish.
A name came to him immediately, dredged up from a blackened corner of the girl's mind.
Ozpin.
"I don't believe it." the man looked as though he'd seen a ghost. "Amber? I...you're alive? How...?!"
Naruto tried to say otherwise; he really, truly did. He tried to explain that this was some horrible mistake, that Amber was gone, but something tied his tongue before he could speak the words. Only an angry croak emerged when he tried to utter the truth once more. Oh. So that whole "forbidden to reveal yourself" bit was an actual curse after all. When tried to actually speak his name, a blazing headache gripped his temples and rattled his world anew. All the while his mouth remained dead and still.
Damnit, this was why you didn't piss off a god. Kaguya? Who the hell was Kaguya? She didn't hold a candle to this level of bullshit. Ripping his soul out of the afterlife and shoving it into another body a world away? She couldn't do that. At least, he hoped she couldn't. Two of them were bad enough. He didn't relish the thought of a third being able to juggle souls...
In the end, all he could manage was a weak-sounding: "I don't know."
Remarkably, that was enough to mollify the man's curiosity. Before he could think to interrogate him, the cane-wielding warrior darted back to the pods -the intact one- and hastily extricated a woman from it. Naruto had just enough time to take in red hair and startling green eyes before his senses screamed a warning. A flicker of metal danced in his peripherals, aimed at his knee. Without thinking, he swung his left hand to ward it off...
"Aargh?!"
...and an arrow pierced his palm.
Naruto didn't scream; he'd suffered far worse wounds than an attempted arrow to the knee. But he did hiss in pain and clutch at it as he fell to one leg. Without thinking he reached down and ripped the shaft free from his hand. Mistake. That left him with a hole in Amber's hand and made the pain worse. So much worse; because the wound didn't heal. It should've closed already. Instead it wept fitful red teardrops on the floor. Why wasn't it healing? Kurama should have...oh dear. He didn't have Kurama. Not anymore.
This realization soured his mood even further; so much so that he forgot about his guests...until a pair of strong arms hoisted Amber's body back to its feet.
Less so when the tall redhead swept in front of him. "You're alive!"
"Yes, yes, big surprise." once again, Amber's voice emerged when he spoke in a sullen hiss. "Can someone please do something about my hand?!"
"I'm sorry!" the redhead blinked and her hands briefly flew to her face before she recovered. "I don't have bandages, but...here!"
In a single quick movement she tore a slender strip of cloth from her long red sash and took hold of his wounded arm. Pale fingers danced across his own as she began to bind the wound, serving as a stark contrast to his new tan skin. Amber's body sang happily at the attention and a small, fitful smile plucked at the corner of his mouth as he watched her work. For a girl who was all but brain-dead, her body was certainly sensitive. Perhaps that had something to do with the nature of her powers. Hmm. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all-
"She's mine!"
An angry trio of arrows snapped at Naruto out of the corner of his -her!- eye in a streak of ebony. Ozpin stepped forward to bat two away with his cane, but one curved around his guard. Amber's body reacted. It saw the threat and just...moved; a supple limb reaching over and around to catch the arrow before it could slam into the redhead's unprotected back. Just like that, his temper returned with a vengeance. Tan fingers flickered with flame and the arrow melted to sullen slag even as the redhead shrank back. Anger surged anew, hot and eager, ready to be unleashed.
"Would you kindly stop?" he felt his eyes begin to burn as he shook the melted metal from Amber's hand. "That hurts."
"Then hold still, girl." the Archer sneered back at them, "And I'll end your pain."
Girl. Ugh. This was going to be...complicated.
"I think not."
Ozpin didn't move beyond that single step. Movement implied motion. Motion implied that he'd actually walked, stepped, or run at the very least. There was none of that here. No transition between one moment and the next. For a fleeting sliver of a second, the Headmaster of Beacon -thank you, Amber's memories!- stood between them and the enemy, a firm bastion against all the evils of the world, cane in hand. In the other, he raised a large white mug to his lips. He took a long lingering sip from the contents within. Then his body flickered, the Archer yelped, and the tortuous sound of rent metal filled the room.
That...that was an impressively human shaped divot he'd left in the wall. He almost dared to hope it was enough to keep the Archer down. It did not.
"Did you think that would stop me, old man?"
All at once, the blackette looked up at them and pulsed.
Fire fled from her form in a tsunami of heat, blasting away the metal shackles that held her in place. For a fleeting instant her eyes almost seemed glows as she levitated in the air. This ghastly spectacle lasted all of an instant before her heels clicked against the ground once more. Well, that tore it. Amber called bullshit. Who fought in heels?! Seriously! Still Ozpin had hurt her, but it wasn't enough. Excusing the tears in her tress and a bruise on her cheek, she looked fit to fight...and thrice as angry.
"Pity." Ozpin sighed. "I meant to break your neck."
And the world above trembled anew.
This time Naruto heard someone scream up above. He was sure of it. To his mild dismay, he found he'd retained his sensory abilities at least in part; because when he dared a glance for a ceiling, the ensuing negativity above crashed down on Amber's shoulders in a crushing wave of molten lava. He nearly blacked out as he saw dozens of tiny lights be snuffed out somewhere on the surface. What was going on up there? A battle? A war? Armageddon?! He was going to regret this, wasn't he?
"Hey, red. What's your name?"
The armored girl blinked, startled by those words. "Pyrrha, ma'am."
"Don't call me that." a tan arm waved her back. "Whatever's going on up there, can the two of take care of it?"
"You're certain?" Ozpin blinked. "By yourself?"
"Yup." His fraying temper snapped. "Did I stutter?"
"You can't!" Pyrrha grabbed at him. "You're hurt! We should-
A disbelieving laugh burst out of Amber's lips; wild, terrified and high. He shook free.
"I've got this." he tilted his -Amber's?- head to produce an audible crack. "I'm gonna kick her ass and call it a night."
He wasn't sure he could as he was now; even with Amber's faint experience and muscle memory to back him up. But he felt responsible for this chaos all the same. People were dying up there. He just knew it. If these two could help them somehow, if they could save lives...surely that was well worth trading away this strange new life. Who knew, maybe dying in this body would spite the Gods and send him back to his old one. He could only hope. Who knew? He might even manage to eek out a win, somehow.
...very well, then." Ozpin relented with a sigh. "Come with me, Miss Nikos."
When they did as he asked, the Archer made no move to stop either them; she only had eyes for Amber's body. Perhaps she fancied her chances in single combat. Who knew? For a moment he thought Pyrrha might break off and lunge at her, were it not for Ozpin's guiding hand, she might have. She flashed him one final look over her shoulder, then-
"Catch!"
Naruto's hand snapped up and caught her shield numbly despite his surprise. He'd never used one before...how hard could it be? His next instinct was to throw it away, but they were already away. Amber's arm betrayed him and began fasting it to his wrist. So much for that idea. Hmm. Lighter than he expected. Something told him he'd be needing in the next few seconds; because here came tall, dark and deadly...
"That was foolish of you," her voice was sin itself as the elevator ascended, "Sending them away like that. You can't hope to beat me as you are now."
"Maybe." Naruto shrugged helplessly. "Maybe not. I like my chances." Bluff, bluff, bluff! How did he fight in this body?!
"Chances?" the woman raised a demure had to her mouth. "You have no chance. None at all."
"See, when you say it like that, it gives me...personal feelings." he bantered back.
This body felt weak, yet it was also strong. Lingering anger clung to it, lending strength to limbs that hadn't moved in years. A snarl of emotion that wasn't his own sizzled through Amber's body. Her mind was well and truly gone, but her body remembered, strange as it might sound. It remembered this woman. This thief. The power burning in Amber's veins longed to be reunited with its twin, like a magnet. Even from here he felt its pull and knew that he'd never be able to coexist with this woman. Amber's body simply wouldn't let him. He didn't even know her name.
Amber's body wanted her dead.
He was all too happy to oblige her last wish.
"Any last words, girl?" the raven-haired beauty purred.
Tanned cheeks dimpled in a smile. "Actually, one does come to mind."
A flicker of concern danced through those golden orbs. "And what might that be?"
Naruto drew his new body down into a low crouch, good arm sweeping behind Amber's back.
"Rasengan."
To his immediate relief, the power came easily; her body knew what to do -what he intended!- even before the wind began to gather in his palm. Energy swept between his fingers then through them as they clenched into a claw, responding to the very last dregs of Amber's being, if not necessarily the new soul cradled her chest. Her body was inexperienced, but it knew how to fight; just as it knew the proper stances. Moreover, it had one thing Naruto's mind didn't. She'd fought this woman before. Memories clawed at him and for once, he didn't resist; he gave himself to them.
This body lacked his old chakra pathways and his strength.
"I am sorry, Amber. This power will burden you."
This body hadn't moved in two years.
"Yet you must bear it all the same.
This body didn't have Kurama.
"If you don't, who will?"
This body was weak and tired and so very sore. It should have been inferior to his old form in every way. But it wasn't. For all its deficiencies, Amber's body commanded a power he lacked; held dominance over the very elements themselves. More than enough to try an old trick or two. An idea came to him then, and with it, confidence roaring back in a euphoric flood. Burning golden eyes drifted shut as he blew out a breath to dispel the last of his stress. "Focus. Breathe. Trust your instincts-YOW!"
"Time to die, girl!"
Tan arms snapped up, plan abandoned as the dark-haired woman lunged at him with a snarl, bow snapping apart into a pair of blades in mid-leap. Then there was no more time for thought. He swayed back from the first swing, leaving the sword to skitter harmlessly against the ground in a shower of sparks. The next he caught on Pyrrha's shield as he stepped in, the third he snared in his bandaged hand. It bit hard into crimson bandage, but the makeshift first aid held juuuust long enough for him to get a firm grip and hold her in place.
Then he reeled her in like a fish to ram the shield through her aura and into her nose.
For the first time since their battle began, Cinder stopped smiling.
That was before he bashed her with the shield again.
She certainly wasn't laughing when Naruto bloodied her nose and flung her over his shoulder. Not fast enough. Pain flared in his spine as she raked her blade across his back in a vicious cross cut. The pain nearly made him scream and he tossed her away from him. No. Not him. Amber. This was too distracting. He needed to stop thinking of her body as a separate entity and not his own. He was going to get himself killed at this rate. If only he could. He hated the idea. Loathed it with all his heart. He wasn't some body snatcher. He wasn't Amber. He was-
FIREBALL!
A plume of fire caromed off his borrowed shield as Cinder closed with him again, another blast of napalm superheating the metal to scorch his arm and throw him off balance. Naruto backpedaled and caught himself trying to make a shadow clone for some desperately needed backup. Nothing happened. One of her blades slashed across Amber's stomach, and this time he couldn't quite bite back the yelp that followed. He lunged forward as she recovered and drove his head into the taller woman's chin in a frantic headbutt, to send her stumbling and buy him some much needed distance.
This wasn't working.
"Let go."
He nearly rounded on the sound before he realized it came from within, not without. It was a woman's voice, an old one. Older than Amber. Older than time itself. Cinder lashed out at him again in that brief moment of distraction and he swept her legs, tumbling away. Lightning skittered at the edge of his fingers but he couldn't manage any more than that. Why?! He'd been able to use it earlier! Why couldn't he now?! He could just hear the God of Light laughing at him now, mocking him for his every failure. And still the voice came on.
"Let go."
He caught a blast of frost that nearly paralyzed his shield arm and lobbed the frozen metal at Cinder. It actually hit her somehow and bounced back, sending her sprawling to the floor as he caught it again. Damnit! He was trying, alright?! This wasn't as easy as it looked, least of all in a fight!
"Let go."
Taking a deep breath, Naruto closed Amber's eyes one last time.
'This power responds to emotion, and you're very emotional right now.' taut hands fell to her sides, fingers falling slack. 'C'mon, body! We're both gonna die at this rate! Whatever's left of you! Help me out here! We're on the same side! What do I do?!"
And quite suddenly, someone intervened.
Amber's eyes snapped open as something slid into place deep inside his soul. A missing piece of the puzzle slid into place and it was nothing short of an epiphany. All the world slowed to a crawl around him, his opponent's movements freezing as though she were in a photograph. For a fleeting instant he felt cold arms encircle him from behind in a gentle embrace. He struggled against it, trying to turn and see his captor, but the grip proved ironclad. Brown hair tickled at his nose neck even as frigid breath pooled his neck.
"So." a new voice hummed. "The Gods screwed you over too, huh?"
"Bwuh?" Naruto managed eloquently.
Gentle laughter tickled his ears as the arms released him and naturally, he turned around...
Body met at Soul and neither moved and inch.
Amber's ghost...well, she looked much the same as her body, facial scars and all. Perhaps a bit more ethereal, but much the same. He should've been terrified. He'd always been afraid of ghosts. But he felt none of that fear here, not now as he stared at this wraith of a girl. A faint smile wreathed her features, her hands clasped gently behind her back as her head tilted to regard him.
...enjoying the new body?" she asked.
"Not at all." he croaked in disbelief. "Are you real?"
Her head tilted nearly horizontal. "That depends. Do you want me to be real?"
Naruto looked left.
Naruto looked right.
"Considering you stopped time to give me a pep talk?! Yes!" the former shinobi squawked. "You're clearly still around, so here! You can have-
"I don't want it, Naruto."
His jaw clicked shut. "How do you even?"
Amber simply smiled and shook her head. "Nope."
"Can I please get a word in edgewise before you shut me down agai-
"Nope!"
"This is your body," he protested, flinging out his new arms. "I don't deserve it. Hell, I don't even have a say in this! Take it back!"
"I'm tired." To his dismay, Amber only shook her head anew, bringing his protest to a griding halt. "Tired of fighting, tired of running, tired of living this fearful life. My friends have moved on. I have no family to speak of. If there's an afterlife, I'll gladly take it over this hell. If not? Then I'll sleep and cede control to you. Perhaps you can make better use of this power than I. But before I go...here. You've been struggling, haven't you? Let me help you."
She drifted closer and laid a hand to his forehead.
"I am thou. Thou art I." she whispered the words in his ear. "By my words, I release you. Take the world. Avenge me."
He tried to cry out. Say something. "I can't-
Then those spectral dove in and gave him a hard push.
With a flicker of lightning, her form dove into his and their body all but blurred forward.
Cinder's gaze narrowed, searching in vain for her target; her prey. Where had she gone? "Blast it, girl! Stop hiding and come out!"
A faint whisper of wind against her hair served as her sole warning. "Her name was Amber. You killed her."
In a single moment of crystal clarity, she knew what was coming. "Oh, you must be kidding-
Burning golden eyes seared into the witch, brimming with tears for the fallen as she rounded on the sound. Cinder never noticed. Her eyes locked on the spiraling sphere even now slamming towards her chest. Too close. She couldn't get out of the way in time. At the last instant she tried to fling herself forward, to dodge, to escape, to just get the hell away from the damned thing. She did not succeed. The most she managed was a blast of fire but the little bitch crashed right through that with a snarl, arm snarling forward in a single piston of power.
Then the Rasengan smashed into her like a truck.
Someone was screaming. Oh. Was that her?
And then there was pain.
A/N: EDIT: To prevent confusion, Naruto is still Naruto, just...trapped in a different body. Yes, that was Amber's ghost at the very end, giving him one last push. She was quite dead before he arrived at all, but her body didn't realize it. Its complicated. Hope you stick with this Worked really hard on all of it.
If n one reviews...I'll just go hide in a corner and cry, I suppose.
Don't piss off a god, kids. Never ends well.
Fight scene continues next chapter, and even more hilarity to come after. Cinder isn't prepared.
Naruto irked the God of Light so badly that he got himself trapped in Amber's body. He was meant to die. After all, he only had five seconds before the arrow pierced Amber's chest. Surprise surprise, our boy doesn't like to be told what he can and can't do. Pairings...might not be a thing here. Don't expect Naruto to start swooning after other guys. He may have Amber's memories and experience, but at heart, he's still very much of the male persuasion.
You know, its funny.
Somehow I can just see the God of Light and God of Darkness wandering the universes and sticking their noses where they don't belong. What else would they do after they abandoned the world of Remnant? Make bets? Play poker? Football, maybe? How would that even work?
Feels good to write something fresh, but no more requests!
Again, I'm sorry for giving in and posting this. Perhaps I was too happy. But I'd sooner chop off me hands than take on another story at this point. So, in lieu of a long explanation about this story, I'll just end things here with this. Get ready for laughs. Loads of them. This'll carry all the way up to Volume Seven and beyond.
As ever, reviews are my fuel, without them my engine shall fall lifeless and cold.
What can I say? Writing is my passion. Always has been, always will be.
So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...
...Review...Would You Kindly?
And enjoy the previews!
(Previews)
"How can you be so broken inside?! To take so many lives?!"
Cinder, weakened and wounded, could only yelp in surprise as a bolt of lightning ripped her Aura and blasted her from her feet. Ears ringing, she struggled upright.
Where was the girl getting all this power?! She would be weaker! Not stronger! She had half her powers! So why...why was she losing?! A furious shriek sent her tumbling again.
"You come here and rub your stolen power in everyone's face like its something to be proud of! You're not better than that horned bastard! No! You're even worse!" A hand rose, and the skies opened at her beck and call, terrible twisters writhing to life from those darkened clouds. High above the dragon fell from the sky with a keening roar, wings torn asunder by countless lightning bolts, and still, Cinder could only retreat in the face of this girl's singular fury. "This girl had hopes! Dreams! YOU TOOK THEM FROM HER!"
Amber's hands snapped outward as her body began to levitate.
"And you know what?" Cinder saw the little churl's lip curl, saw those wild golden eyes searing into her own with unholy light. "I've made a decision. You don't deserve this power! I'm taking it back! Your soul is mine!"
Somewhere in the stars above, The God of Darkness cackled.
"What's wrong? We're all girls here."
As Blake looked on curiously, Amber's face began to turn red.
"Ohhh?" Of course, Yanga struck a pose, intent on teasing the girl. "Like what you see?"
"Amber" keeled backwards with an unholy litany of words that didn't even sound remotely human at all.
...that settles it. The Gods hate me. At least one of them does."
"You saved Pyrrhaaaaa~!"
Amber's face twitched. "Let go of my arm, will you!"
"Thank you, thank you, thank youuuuuuu! Best friend ever!"
"Leggo of me! You little spider monkey!" the brunette tried to wriggle free, to no avail.
Ruby did not let go. If anything, she hung on to their arm even harder, kicking her legs with glee as he used Amber's arm to hold her upright. "Nope! Never!"
Naruto wanted to say that it was a lie, that he truly wasn't this wildly powerful Maiden. He was just a dead man riding a body whose mind had perished. It didn't feel like his accomplishment. It felt...fake. He was trapped here until death ripped him away again. But the curse prevented it. So he settled for the next best thing.
Swearing. Very loudly. Lots of it.
Too much negativity.
She could fix that. One hand hefted a pie...
SPLAT. Yang's gasp proved sweet, sweet music to her ears.
Less so when the blond snatched up a turkey. Perhaps Naruto hadn't thought this through. "FOOD FIGHT!"
R&R~!