AN: Here is just a one-shot. I don't normally write a lot of stories about after Elliot left, but this idea wouldn't leave me alone. I know I should be updating Pushing the Limits, but hopefully you'll give me grace! Thanks so much for reading! I appreciate all of those that read, and all of your comments and review.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia was curled up on the couch, watching TV, while Noah slept beside her. He was stretched out with his toes digging into her thigh, party hat and horn wrapped in his arms. He'd been so anxious to stay up until midnight, but here it was, barely 10:30 and he was sound asleep. She almost felt bad for him, but she knew if she woke him, he'd be asleep again in ten minutes. She pushed herself up from the couch, grunting as she lifted him up. He was getting so big, growing up fast. There were times that she looked at him, amazed at how fast the time was passing. He didn't need her like he used to, and she knew the gradual pulling away would only accelerate with each passing birthday.

When she had tucked him beneath the covers, she closed the door and wandered back into the kitchen. She looked at the few bottles of wine sitting in the rack and pondered opening one. She didn't drink much anymore, feeling like maybe she was erring on the side of overdoing it. First with wine, trying to deal with the aftermath of Lewis. Then, she'd starting drinking Scotch with Jimmy Mac, and continued with Tucker. Then, weeks after her breakup with Tucker, she'd been sitting on the couch and looked at the bottle of Scotch in her hand, expecting to see it nearly full, and finding half of it gone. It had scared her, and she had dumped it down the drain.

Now, years later, she drank socially, but rarely drink at home.

But tonight was different. She was feeling a little sorry for herself, and she was going to have a glass of wine. She grabbed a bottle of red, uncorked it and found a wineglass shoved in the back of the cupboard, behind the coffee mugs and the colorful glasses used by Noah.

Olivia rounded the couch with wineglass in hand, thinking about the ring Fin had shown her today. She'd been so happy for him, but it hit her hard. He was the last one of them, the original crew, and being single was something they'd had in common. Olivia settled on the couch with a sigh. She was fairly sure Rollins and Carisi were sleeping together, or if not, they were close. And Kat seemed to have a pretty active dating life. She was young, having fun, and Olivia tried to remember being that young. When it seemed you had all the time in the world.

She had dated. She'd had boyfriends. Flings, one-night stands, and those that didn't even last the night. She'd even tried more serious relationships.

Cassidy, Haden, Tucker.

Some of them had been serious. She had played at being happy, at imagining a future. But one by one, the relationships had ended. And regardless of whether she ended it, or they had, she had never been able to muster up much remorse over the loss. She knew that she hadn't been honest with them, hadn't given herself over completely. There was, and always would be, a part of her that was closed off.

She'd buried those emotions a long time ago, or at the very least, learned to live with them.

The sadness of a love lost.

Regrets over what could have been.

What should have been.

The image of Elliot came to her so vividly, as if she'd seen him that day. His grin, those eyes, the jokes, the laughs. She wondered why, when she thought of him, she only thought of the good times. She supposed that was how love worked. You forgive them almost anything.

Almost.

Pain sliced through her, fresh with the memory of his leaving.

Olivia sat back and took another sip of wine, turning philosophical. She had bought into some of her mother's propaganda over the years, thinking herself not worthy of love, thinking she was less than. Elliot had tried to show her that she could be more, that she was a good person, that she could love and be loved. She had believed him, let herself fall into love, develop close friendships.

But so many of those people had left her too.

Fin was the only one left. Which brought her full circle. The ring. Phoebe. His happily ever after. She never would have imagined Fin married…

Olivia sighed heavily and took another sip of wine. She lay her head against the back of the sofa and closed her eyes, trying to envision her future. Noah's teenage years weren't far off. Then college. A wedding? Kids?

Whatever he wanted, she wanted that for him. His happiness was more important to her than anything.

But once Noah left, the apartment would feel so empty. She didn't doubt she'd still be working at SVU, but when everyone left at the end of the day, would there be anyone at home to offer her a hug? To ask her about her day? Would there be someone she could curl up next to on a cold winter's night?

She couldn't imagine it. Somewhere, in her core, she knew there'd be no happy ending in her future. The thought depressed the hell out of her, but when she thought about the fucked-up way she came into this world, maybe that was a fitting end.

She lifted her head and drained her glass. As she set it down on the coffee table, she caught the faux New Year's celebration play out on-screen. Everyone pretending like it was just another New Year's Eve, like any other. Everything thinking the change in date, a simple change in one digit, and everything would be different.

Nothing was that easy.

Olivia pushed herself up from the couch, trying to decide if she should have one more glass of wine, or if she should just call it a night. It was only 11PM, but there didn't seem to be much point in trying to make it to midnight. And Noah would certainly be up early in the morning. She walked into the kitchen and rinsed out her wineglass. She was lost in thought as she let the water run, thinking again but the coming year and how her cynicism wasn't going to change anything either. Maybe she needed to shrug off this funk, this routine, and make some changes in her life. It couldn't be all about work and Noah.

Maybe it was time to do something for herself.

Olivia's heard a sound and her head jerked up. She looked into the living room but the sound on the TV was off. She turned off the water, and turned towards the bedrooms, wondering if Noah had gotten up to use the bathroom or something. But there was nothing but silence. Olivia placed the glass back in the sink to dry, and she heard it again.

A knock at the door.

She glanced at the clock again, more from habit than anything, and wondered who could be on the other side of her door at this time of night. With the security system in her building, the options were limited, and she sincerely hoped that it wasn't the guy a few doors down that had asked her out a couple of times.

Of course, the security system hadn't kept out Cassidy, or Sheila Porter.

There was another knock, a little louder this time, and it was clear that her night-time visitor wasn't going to leave. Olivia moved over to the shelves along the wall and grabbed her lockbox from the top shelf. She unlocked it quickly, pulling out her Glock, checking that it was loaded. She tread quietly to the door, trying not to make a sound, so that her guest wouldn't hear her approaching. She expected another knock, but it was quiet, and when she looked through the peephole, she didn't see anyone on the other side. She fell back on her heels. "What the hell." She muttered under her breath. She let her arm drop, the one holding the gun, but she knew she wouldn't rest until she checked out the hallway and made sure that no one was lurking.

Olivia unbolted the door and cracked it open, lifting her gun so she was ready for whatever lay on the other side. She peered through the crack but didn't see anything. She opened the door a little wider and stepped out into the hallway, looking left and then right. She saw someone walking down the hall. He was almost to the elevator, more than 30 feet away from her, but her heart nearly stopped in her chest.

"Elliot?"

The man froze at the sound of her voice and then turned to face her. They both stood staring for a moment. "You didn't answer, so I thought maybe you were out, or already sleeping."

That gravelly voice, exactly as she remembered. She stood frozen in place, sure that her mind must be playing tricks on her, or that maybe she was dreaming. She closed her eyes for just a second, and opened them again, but it was Elliot, standing in her space.

"Are you going to shoot me?" Elliot added a small chuckle to his question, stemming from nervousness more than anything else. When he'd considered his options for reconnecting with her, the thought that she might shoot him had certainly crossed his mind.

His comment seemed to shake her from her reverie, and he saw her glance down at her gun, almost as if she were surprised to see that she still had it pointed in his direction. She lowered her arm, pointing the gun at the ground, but she still didn't say anything. It was her move to make, so he waited her out.

When he'd taken the job with the NYPD, hell, before he'd taken the position, he had thought about this reunion. But he hadn't been able to settle on just one reaction. He expected she'd be cool and aloof at best, pissed as hell at the worst. Which is exactly why he'd decided to visit her at home instead of at the precinct. He wanted to give her the opportunity to react to his return in private, in whatever form that took, without worrying about the rest of the squad bearing witness. He deserved whatever she threw at him, but he didn't particularly want to get shot. "Liv."

The use of her nickname loosened something in her and she swallowed hard. "What are you doing here?" She cleared her throat when she heard the tremor in her own voice.

"I wanted to see you." It was the simplest answer, and the most honest. He had promised himself that he would answer her questions, tell her whatever she wanted to know. She deserved a hell of a lot more, but that was all he could give her right now.

Olivia shook her head, barely hearing his words. The fact that she'd been sitting on the couch just minutes ago, wallowing in self-pity and longing for Elliot, made it hard to believe that he was standing in front of her right now. She saw him take a few steps in her direction with his arms outstretched slightly, palms up. She didn't know if that was some form of plea or a defensive move, in case she decided to take out her anger, but the move pushed her to action.

Elliot watched as Olivia turned and walked back into her apartment. She didn't indicate if he should follow her or simply leave, but since she hadn't closed the door, he made a split-second decision to follow her. When he stepped across the threshold, he saw Olivia securing her gun into a small gun safe, her back to him. He closed the door behind him and took the opportunity to look around the apartment, taking in the toys and books strewn around the room.

Her son.

Olivia had a son.

It had been the one bright spot out of too few in the thick file on his desk, buried amongst the pages documenting the trauma and loss she had endured in the past ten years.

He turned his gaze back to Olivia and saw that she had stashed the gun safe and had turned to face him again. He couldn't read the expression on her face and he knew it shouldn't surprise him, but for some reason, he'd held out hope that their connection would still be as strong as it was on the day he left.

"You're really here." She said, wrapping her cardigan around herself more tightly and then crossing her arms beneath her breasts.

Elliot thought it sounded as if she were trying to convince herself. He wanted to tell her that he could scarcely believe it himself. He wanted to tell her that he'd thought long and hard before he'd made the decision to show up at her apartment. Before he had even decided to come back to New York. "I am."

Olivia didn't say anything, overwhelmed by the complexity of emotions that churned through her. From the moment she had seen him standing outside her apartment, it had been like someone had opened a floodgate. Every desire and every regret came rushing back, easily winning out over the anger and resentment. She had let all that go years ago, wishing for another chance.

And here it was.

Elliot's eyes were still trained on Olivia. She was standing almost perfectly still, trying to keep her emotions from playing out across her face, but she was having to work at it. The only tell was the way she rubbed one hand up and down her upper arm. He hated that he was a source of distress. "Do you want me to go?" Elliot asked.

It was the last thing he wanted but he had to give her an out if she wanted it.

"No." Olivia didn't hesitate and she meant it. She knew that she needed to say more, but she was honestly at a loss for words. "I…uh." She swallowed hard, searching for the right thing to say, but her emotions were getting in the way. "I never expected to see you."

Elliot wasn't sure if she meant tonight, or ever. "Yeah. I know. I'm…"

"Don't." If he were about to offer up an apology, she wasn't ready to hear it right now. That would lead to a conversation full of recriminations. "I was sitting here…" she pointed at the couch, her eyes trained on her abandoned glass of wine. "Just ten minutes ago, I was sitting there, and I was thinking about you."

"I can only imagine." Elliot said.

"It wasn't like that." Olivia said, shaking her head slightly. She saw a hint of surprise on his face. She imagined this hadn't been easy for him to show up here, not knowing what to expect. She wanted him to know that not all her thoughts of him were negative. "I don't do that as much as I used to." Olivia was surprised she was being so truthful, but at this point, there was nothing to lose. "But sometimes, I just…" She turned back to face him. "I really miss you."

Elliot noticed her comment was present tense. He hadn't been relegated to the past. It had been a legitimate concern, considering the time that had passed. "I miss you too. More than you can possibly know."

"I thought maybe you forgot about me." She hated that her voice was barely more than a whisper, but it scared her to even say the words. It had been her biggest fear for so long. She imagined Elliot off somewhere, living this wonderful life, with no memories or regrets, or even thoughts, of her.

"I hate that you thought I ever could." Elliot said, keeping his eyes focused on her. "Or would ever want to."

Olivia teared up, overcome with emotion. It was starting to hit her now. This was real. Elliot was standing in her home. Real flesh and blood. She couldn't hold back any longer, remembering her promise to herself to never waste another chance if he ever came back into her life. She dropped her arms and walked towards Elliot, shutting down out all the chatter in her brain…all the reasons she shouldn't be doing this right now.

Elliot watched her draw near, unclear of her intent. He braced himself, ready for a slap across the face, or maybe even a punch to the gut, even though she hadn't said one word in anger. Before he knew what was happening, Olivia had reached up, caressing his jaw with her right hand. It was mere seconds before she had pushed herself up on her toes and brushed her lips against his. The kiss was slight, tentative, but she turned her head slightly and grasped his lips with hers, kissing him slowly.

The tension left his body immediately and he reached for her, pulling her into an embrace. He leaned into the kiss, deepening it, his mind racing to keep up with his body. He never would have anticipated this and that made it all the sweeter. He let himself surrender to it, pushing away all reason and logic and giving it to what had previously only existed in his dreams. He murmured her name against her lips, and then she pulled away. He reached out, wanting to pull her back, but Olivia grabbed his hand. She turned and started walking and he was confused until he realized her intent. His arm was outstretched now, and he held his ground, forcing her to stop. She turned back to look at him. "Liv."

Olivia saw the question on Elliot's face, heard it in his voice, but she knew what she wanted. "Don't." It was another warning, but this time, it wasn't an apology she was trying to avoid. It was reason, logic, goddamned common sense that she had no time for. She didn't want to hear the reasons why this wasn't a good idea, or suggestions that they talk this through. She wanted him. In the only way she hadn't until now.

Elliot heard the warning in her voice. He wasn't going to argue. All the years of pent-up desire was unleashed at the mere thought of what she was offering, of what he had no right to, of what he had always wanted. He released his hold and Olivia started leading him farther into her apartment. He would have to get the tour later, as all his attention was focused on her. There was so much that was familiar, and yet, she had changed.

She was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

When they reached the doorway that led to the bedrooms, Olivia turned, signaling him to be quiet. She dropped his hand and peered into one of the bedrooms. He could see light cast from what was obviously a nightlight. She leaned in and grabbed the door, closing it quietly. She motioned for him to follow her.

When they reached what was her bedroom, he saw a lamp set on low, creating a mix of light and shadows. Olivia closed the door behind him. When she turned back, he reached for her, letting her know that he wanted her as much as he wanted her. He cupped her face in his hands, staring back and forth between her eyes. "Are you sure?" he whispered. He needed to be sure.

Olivia gave him a small smile, the first one he'd seen since he'd arrived, and he knew he had his answer. He leaned in and captured her lips, and it was as a switch had been turned, a flame ignited. Olivia's hands were on his shoulders, pushing his jacket down his arms, and he did the same with her sweater. Elliot's mouth moved to her neck and then her shoulder, exploring, tasting, teasing her skin with his teeth and his tongue, then soothing the skin with his lips.

Olivia held back a moan. Her body was already on fire and there was a deep ache between her legs. Elliot had slid his hand beneath her t-shirt guiding her backwards towards the bed as his mouth found hers again. She reached for his belt buckle, managing to loosen it but not finishing before the back of her legs hit the bed. She tore her mouth from his as she fell backward.

Elliot climbed up her body, staring down into her eyes as he straddled her legs with his. He wanted to say something, felt like he should say something, but Olivia reached up and pulled him back down, cutting off any comments with her mouth against his. He slipped his tongue between her lips as his hand wandered down over her breast. He felt her arch into his touch, and he reached down and slid his hand beneath her shirt, anxious to feel her skin. It was as soft and smooth as he imagined, but when his hand closed over the satin of her bra, his entire body tightened. He was so hard already, and he pressed himself against her core.

Olivia moaned as she felt the length of him between her legs. She spread them slightly. Elliot got the message and put one knee between her legs, widening them even more. He kissed his way down her jaw as he ran his hand across her nipple and Olivia moaned again. She needed his clothes off. She needed her clothes off. Slow exploration could come later. Right now, she wanted Elliot buried deep inside of her. She clutched at his shirt. "Take it off." She rasped, pulling it up until he was forced to sit up and pull it up over his head. She reached up, running her hands down his abs. The man's body was pure sin. She had a moment of hesitation then, a little self-conscious of the changes in her body, but Elliot didn't seem to mind. He was dragging her shirt up her body and almost before she had it off, he was reaching for the clasp of her bra.

Elliot kissed his way down the swell of her breast, feeling the fullness of them in his hands. He slid his tongue downward, flicking her peaked nipple. He felt her body spasm with pleasure as he continued to tease her body. Olivia ran her hands over his short hair, and then slid her hands down his body, trying to latch on to his jeans. She had signaled her impatience loud and clear, and he peppered her stomach with kisses as he worked on the button and zipper of her jeans. He climbed off the bed, tugging her jeans and her underwear down over her hips and down her long legs. He stood there for a moment, staring at the object of his desire for at least the past twenty years. His eyes wandered the length of her, committing her to memory. Her long legs, lots of smooth, olive skin, full breasts, hair splayed against the white sheets. "Jesus Liv." His voice was heavy with emotion.

Olivia felt herself blush under his scrutiny, but the look on his face told her that he wasn't disappointed with the sight before him. She lifted her hand, beckoning him back to her with a smile. She lifted her foot, running it over the bulge in his jeans. He got the message, slipping them down and taking his underwear along with it. He stood there for a moment, and she appreciated the opportunity to see him in all his glory as well. She sat up and took the length of him in her hand, getting a loud groan in appreciation. Olivia looked towards the door, wishing she had locked her door. "Shhh." She said, running her hand down his shaft and her thumb over the tip. He was hard as a rock, and she understood the swagger she'd seen over the years.

Elliot couldn't take much more, and he felt he should be embarrassed, feeling like a hormonal teenaged boy. He brushed her hand away and guided her back down on the bed, spreading her legs as he captured her lips once again. He settled himself between her hips, pressing his length against her slick folds. He exhaled slowly, amazed at her body's response to him.

Olivia lifted her hips and clutched at his hips. She wanted him inside her. She pulled her mouth from his. "El…" She wasn't above pleading.

Elliot slid his hand down between her legs, teasing her entrance with his fingers. "I want to make sure you're…"

Olivia cut him off. "El…God, just…" She felt like she'd been ready since the moment he walked in the door.

Elliot took his dick in his hand and pressed against her. She gasped as he started to penetrate her, and he stopped. "Okay?" Olivia whispered a yes, but he still hesitated. "Do I need to…" He glanced over at her nightstand, wondering if she had a supply of condoms in there like she used to, but Olivia had wrapped her legs around the back of his thighs, urging him on.

"No." Olivia gasped out. "Jesus."

Elliot drove inside of her, hard and fast, and Olivia gasped loudly, followed by a moan of appreciation. He held for a moment before he started fucking into her. Slowly at first, but with each moan and gasp, he moved faster. The room was filled with the slick sounds of their bodies connecting and Olivia was writhing beneath him, digging her nails into his skin.

Olivia's entire body was trembling. Their bodies fit perfectly together; this was as amazing as she always imagined it would be. Elliot filled her so completely, stretching her, and she could feel her walls clutching him. He reached between their bodies, swiping her clit, and her entire body jolted. She could feel herself tumbling towards oblivion with each swipe, each thrust. She closed her eyes and arched her head back, trying to bite back her moans and failing.

"Come for me Liv." Elliot gasped into her ear. He pulled his hips back, pulling out of her almost completely, before driving back inside of her, eliciting another gasp. He knew she was close, and he was too. He lifted himself up slightly, wanting to watch the expression on her face. He thrust inside of her two more times before he felt her release. Her entire body tightened around him, triggering his own orgasm, and he nearly fell on top of her as he let the sensation course though him. "Liv." He gasped against her skin, moving his hips again and drawing out each gasp from her.

When he felt her come back to him, he slipped out of her and collapsed on the bed next to her. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her up against him, nearly on top of him. Olivia lay her head on his shoulder, and he kissed her forehead. "Liv…"

Olivia lifted her hand and placed two fingers over his lips, silencing him. She felt as if anything he said right now would feel insincere, and she just wanted to revel in the feel of him. There was a sense of calm and safety that she hadn't felt in a long time. "I don't want to talk." She said softly. "Can we just lay here like this? For at least a few minutes?" She closed her eyes and snuggled closer, feeling the warmth of one hand on his lower back and the other on her arm.

"Whatever you want." Elliot whispered. He used his foot to snag the blankets at the end of the bed. He pulled them up until he could reach them with his hand, covering them both. He closed his eyes and sighed, trying to remember the last time he felt this happy. He wanted to lay like this forever. This night had been a gift; one that he hadn't expected. He could envision the future he had hoped for in this moment and he hoped this was the start of something for them.

Elliot could tell that Olivia was starting to fall asleep and he placed another kiss on her forehead. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, but he wasn't sure if she was ready to hear that in this moment. He hoped there would be an opportunity to tell her, but for now, he'd settle for this. He kissed her again. "Happy New Year." He whispered, closing his eyes as he slipped away with her.