Disclaimer: The author does not own any publicly recognizable characters herein. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: This is a FAGE 13 story for xXTailoredDreamsXx. I used the song prompt for Hobo Johnson's 'Typical Story' and played off the vibe I got from it, so I hope you enjoy it!
If you would like to see all the stories that are a part of this exchange visit the Facebook Group Fanficaholics Anon: Where Obsession Never Sleeps, or add the C2 to get all the stories direct to your inbox.
"It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a
Typical story where the bassist kills the singer
And the guitarist and the drummer find they're in love with each other
It's the story of the kid who clearly won't know what to say
When the love of his life starts to calmly walk away…"- Hobo Johnson, Typical Story
"You're so melodramatic, Edward," Alice had said the night before, skipping just out of reach. "I'm going to cure you of it if it takes another century!" Then the cheater had hidden behind Esme, where she knew Edward wouldn't fight. Never mind, he would get back at her somehow.
That wasn't the main concern on his mind right now, though. No, what he was particularly pissed about was… well, life in general.
Edward didn't particularly want to be melodramatic. It was not something he aspired to, or even particularly enjoyed doing. But sometimes, a guy had no choice.
"Did you see the new girl?"
"Chief Swan's daughter…"
"I heard she's kind of plain looking?"
"She's pretty… Does she have a boyfriend?"
Edward's eyes glazed over as he tried to ignore the almost constant barrage of typical gossipy teenage thoughts that rose like the freaking tide the closer he got to school. Alright, there was a new kid in school. Big fucking deal. Couldn't everyone move on already?
It was bad enough that they were stuck in this boring, sleepy small town for the next few years… he was a city vamp at heart, so sue him! On top of that, he had to endure another cycle of schooling in the midst of petty, hormonal, annoyingly human teenagers.
There were days, maybe even entire months at a time, when he could appreciate what Carlisle had done by turning him into a vampire. Once he'd gotten the hang of controlling the blood-thirst that had been a constant itch when he was first turned, he had discovered that vampire life wasn't so bad. He enjoyed the power that coursed through his body, the speed he could reach so effortlessly, he even rather enjoyed coming up with elaborate personas each time they moved.
But moving inevitably meant that he would have to go back to high school yet again… and Edward was convinced it was all an elaborate punishment, proof that all the Gods hated him! Why couldn't they just have pelted him with hellfire or something? Medieval torture sounded more fun that having to sit through another day in this architectural eyesore, having to endure the inane thoughts of the entire student body. He didn't care who had a crush on whom, whether or not a particular jock was two-timing his girlfriend, or even if two best bros realized they were in love with each other. Alright, actually, he was at least a little sympathetic to that last couple.
However, it did not mean he enjoyed the constant shrieking in his head. Why were teenagers so Loud?
And why were they so fixated on this new kid, anyway? Sure, newcomers in Forks were rarer than an albino alligator, but still… this level of frenzy was kind of ridiculous. Far as he could tell, the girl wasn't even here yet—no one seemed to have actually seen her—but they were already practically falling over themselves to become her friends. As if hanging out with the shiny new kid would make them any cooler by association.
As if. If he was still a betting man (unfortunately he gave up on that stuff back in the 50s… good times) he would have laid odds that the new girl was just as bland, boring and self absorbed as every other kid in a fifty mile radius.
He parked his shiny silver Volvo in his usual spot and grimaced for a brief moment before bracing himself for the usual assault of teenage lust that he routinely attracted. It truly wasn't easy being a single vampire in the midst of horny humans. His siblings were all paired up… they could work off all that horny energy, and they did, every chance they got. Well, he could too… he had hands, but it wasn't the same. Anyway, vampire glamour aside, Edward knew he and his siblings were objectively good looking. It didn't hurt that humans got just as turned on by wealth, and the Cullens just happened to have rather a lot of disposable income.
"Hi, Edward," Jessica Stanley greeted with a hungry leer that made him want to hide. He sighed and tried to tune out the rather detailed fantasy she was having—it involved his leather jacket, whipped cream, and bondage, and he wondered, not for the first time, how he would survive another two years of this.
…
He managed to find a few hours of unexpected peace by hiding out in the library. Rose and Emmett didn't bother him because they were too busy scoping out the best places to make out (it had become something of a game for them to find a place that seemed secluded, but where they were pretty sure to be discovered. Edward chose not to comment on their kinks. He tried especially hard to steer clear of their thoughts and mental images. He blamed them entirely for ruining his innocence).
Jasper and Alice planned to be late to school that day. Carlisle said he'd write them a note, something about a doctor's appointment. Edward took that to mean that Alice had a vision that she'd managed to hide from him, which meant there was probably something annoying and/or embarrassing in store for him. She had seemed in high spirits, which wasn't that different from her usual behavior, but still…
Anyway, he managed to read in peace for a while, successfully tuning out the ever-present sound of people's thoughts into a dull peripheral hum. When it was almost time to meet his siblings outside the cafeteria, he grabbed his books and stepped out into the corridor... only to be bombarded by excited thoughts, far louder than before, all focused around one person: Bella Swan.
This time, he got a dizzying mix of visual feedback, coalescing in the layered, distorted effect of an impressionist painting. Putting it all together, he gathered this: a petite girl, long brown hair and pale skin, a delicate face, friendly, and quiet. Very quiet.
He frowned and tilted his head in confusion. He couldn't hear this new girl at all. Well, that was unusual, but maybe not so strange… it would be a new voice in his head, after all, and it's not like the rest of the noisy kids made it easy to hear anything clearly.
Alice's lilting voice chimed in his head, as she thought about meeting him in the next ten seconds. He was glad; it was pretty boring to have to go to school over and over again, but his siblings tended to make it a little more bearable.
Jasper seemed a little subdued, thinking in random splashes of color rather than cohesive thoughts. Maybe he'd fought with Alice or something. Edward really was so over living with three mated couples. Either they were fucking or making out or they were fighting for the fun of it, often as (shudder) foreplay. Or, if the vampire in question was Jasper, they would just swing especially low to balance out their mate's high… and since Alice was one of the most ridiculously cheerful vampires around, Jasper could be pretty emo.
"Edward," Alice grinned happily at him, her thoughts singing a constant litany of 'This is so great, this is going to be awesome, I can't wait, oh it's gonna be so great!' that made Edward want to roll his eyes. She definitely knew something. Typical Alice.
"Tell me," he demanded, narrowing his eyes at her.
She giggled and skipped to hide behind Jasper, laughing even louder at him in her thoughts. He sighed and wondered why his life was like this.
Emmett and Rosalie chose that moment to appear as well, and their thoughts were all smugly satisfied, as expected. Edward sighed and pushed up his mental barriers. He really didn't need to know what they'd been up to. Rose snorted at the look on his face, which set Emmett off, which made Alice giggle again, which got even emo Jasper to grin.
"Lighten up, Edward," Emmett said, swinging a beefy arm around his neck and dragging him towards the cafeteria doors. "This is why you don't have a girlfriend yet, you know. The brooding thing went out of fashion 60 years ago, grandpa! You gotta get with the times, get in touch with your insides…"
"With my 'insides'? Really, Emmett?"
"You know what I mean… your emotions, feelings, that kind of stuff. Didn't we go over this back in the 70s? What the hell, dude?"
It was almost a relief when they pushed open the cafeteria doors and strode in, 'human' masks back on. The teasing always had to go down a notch in front of the kids, thank God.
There were more kids here than usual, which meant they'd sacrificed some of their essential teenage rituals, and the occasional blunt, in favor of checking out the new kid. Hmmm, there was a larger than normal crowd around a table to the left, so he tentatively lowered his mental shield… and wow, yeah, new kid was definitely there. Jessica was now fluctuating between wanting to be her best friend and wanting to cut her if she so much as breathed in Mike Newton's direction. Nice. Angela Cheney was wondering if she could recruit her to the school paper… okay that was not so bad. Lauren Mallory was… well, never mind. Tyler, Eric and most of the other boys were trying their best to get close to the pretty new girl, with a couple of lewd fantasies thrown in. Just a bunch of hormonal teenage boys trying to transcend the barriers of their own pimples… nothing out of the ordinary there.
Edward let the couples go in first, and both saw and heard the shift in the room as the humans paused whatever they were doing to stare. Edward was conscious of the picture they made, sweeping into the drab cafeteria like a bunch of supermodels, with more style and (unnatural) charisma than the rest of town combined. He remembered how he'd tried to dress a little less fashionably once. That was the one time Alice had actually fought him, fangs out. They didn't really talk about it anymore.
So, Edward knew the effect they had on the human kids. It was normal. What was not normal was that he still couldn't get any sign of a new voice… He kept his eyes down as he settled at an empty table with the rest, trying to focus on new girl's mental voice… but there was nothing. It felt like a blank spot, a quiet so intense that every time he happened to touch it, his ears rang in blissful silence. What the actual fuck?
He tried again, specifically focusing on the table where he knew she was sitting. And yet he couldn't get even a flicker of a stray admiring thought from the girl. For some reason, this was extremely upsetting for him. He couldn't quite understand why, though…
Unfortunately, just then Emmett started thinking about Rose in some weird strappy leather outfit, and Edward hurriedly slammed his mental barriers shut. Instead, he tried to get a better look at the girl. That was a little easier to do, since she kept stealing glances towards their table. He heard her whisper to Jessica, asking who they were, and felt a little smug that she was in fact curious about them. She was very pretty, he decided. She was simply dressed, with no makeup on. She looked… interesting. From all the eavesdropping he was doing to their actual conversations right now, she seemed intelligent enough.
Then their eyes met, and Edward found himself wishing he could behave like those other guys and try to get closer to her. That was a new and exciting feeling he hadn't felt in maybe 40 years. Well, that feeling had passed pretty quick back then, and he was sure it would pass now as well. But still, for a moment he wistfully imagined actually being able to act out his fantasies of being a regular 17 year old, trying a century's worth of pick-up lines on a pretty girl in school. He would totally kill it, he knew he would.
But anyway, time for that kind of introspection later. The bell rang, and he watched the mass of bodies jostling against each other as they made their way noisily to class.
He was pretty resigned to another boring class, when he entered the biology lab and everything just fucking imploded. It was like a typical scene from a cheesy movie… guy walks into the room, girl sitting right there in line of sight, her hair blowing out a little from a strategically placed stand fan… and then her scent hit him.
It was a fluke that he didn't lose control completely and grab her right there and then. As it was, she just smelled so fucking good that he couldn't believe it. He had to take another whiff, and then another, and another, unconsciously taking a step closer with each breath. By the time he was at her table, he was hooked. Then the teacher walked in and he got to sit with her in Bio lab, and that was okay. That was great. He could just sit with her and get high on her scent and hopefully not kill her in the process. Nope, no problem, he could do it. He just had to make sure he didn't jump her and literally nom on those soft looking cheeks.
…
Two weeks was not actually very long in the larger scheme of things. Edward had been around for over a century. Decades weren't even exactly a long time for him now, all said and done. A couple of weeks should have passed in a snap! But for some reason, the next two weeks seemed to drag at an especially painful pace, feeling like freaking centuries.
It was just… Bella. His whole focus had realigned, and he didn't quite know what to do about it. No way was he going to tell his siblings, of course… they would have way too much fun with it. Nope. He would just keep suffering. Actually, the slow build of stress and frustration and hunger and just general despair was kind of new to him. He wasn't saying that he enjoyed it, but he wasn't saying he didn't enjoy it either.
He sighed and once again contemplated the source of his grief. Why was she so pretty and popular? She wasn't even very talkative or anything, but she was always surrounded by people. It made it pretty inconvenient anytime he felt the urge to lure her away to the woods to get a taste of that yummy blood. Not that he wanted to drain her dry, or anything… just a lick, a suck or two, there may have been some sex fantasies thrown in there as well.
Why didn't she try to attract his attention like all the other girls? Was he not handsome enough for her? That would be utterly ridiculous! Hah, even Rose admitted that he was good looking! What kind of unrealistic standards did this Bella have anyway? And why couldn't she be normal for a minute and let him read her thoughts? It was really too much. He felt positively bullied at the end of the day, teased almost beyond endurance.
"No, Edward, that's just you being melodramatic," assured Alice's voice in his head.
"How did… what?!" he exclaimed, startled.
"I had a vision of you lying around moping. It'd work better with mood lighting, if you ask me."
"I'm not asking you," he growled, sliding open his window and leaping out into the trees. The utter disrespect! They wouldn't even let him mope in peace… not that he was moping, but still. He may as well go do his thinking out in the forest where they couldn't bug him.
He also felt a little better once he'd snacked on a mountain lion and a handful of deer. Hmm… was he eating his emotions? Maybe, maybe. It made him feel better, so maybe he'd judge humans less harshly the next time he heard them crying into a tub of ice cream. Yes, he got it now.
His wanderings brought him close to Chief Swan's house, so he decided to hang around and make sure the area was safe. Plus, it smelled really good here… Bella clearly liked to walk around the area. He settled comfortably in a medium sized tree, when he heard her. A few moments later, she walked out into the back yard, speaking on her phone.
"Yeah, it's ok, mom," she said, "School's fine. The kids are all pretty friendly."
Oh, talking to her mother? Well, Edward had once upon a time been brought up not to eavesdrop, but was this really eavesdropping? Besides, it wasn't like he could listen in to her actual thoughts or anything like that. No, he wasn't bitter about it. He was just relaxing up in a tree and she was out there in the open talking loud enough for even humans to hear everything she said.
"Mooooom!" she groaned. "No, I don't want to date anyone. I have way too much school work to catch up on." A pause, clearly listening to something her mom said. "Ugh, look alright, so there's this guy Edward, he's good looking, but he's this rich, stuck up guy who literally wrinkles his nose anytime he comes near me. Like I smell bad! Why would I waste my time on having a crush on someone like that? Seriously mom, I'd rather study."
Edward's heart sank.
"What, who, Edward? No, just because I mentioned him doesn't mean anything! They're all friendly, I told you… yeah he's not friendly per se… but he's just around a lot. It started raining last week and I didn't have an umbrella. He just turned up out of nowhere and covered me with his fancy coat so I didn't get wet on the way to my truck." Edward perked up. "I dunno, yeah maybe a few times. It must be a small town thing, helping the new kid. I'm telling you mom, I just want to get through high school and get to college. That's it. I'm not going to date anyone in Forks, no way!"
Edward sighed and wondered if anyone had ever considered the marketing potential of flavored blood-lollies for teenage vampires. A carton of vampire-friendly icecream, maybe some plasma fudge.
…
Edward's attention was temporarily diverted from his lack of a love life by a sudden spate of random murders in the area. A quick survey told them everything they needed to know… it was the work of other vampires. They didn't lose any time tracking them down, because their peaceful existence among humans depended heavily on protecting their territory, and even rogue vampires should know better than to mess around in another vampire coven's area.
The fight was swift and brutal, and they took down two of the three vampires… a male and a red-headed female. But the third one was wilier than the others, and got away. From his thoughts, Edward learnt that his name was James, and he was a tracker. That was not great news, because Edward also clearly heard him catch Bella's scent from Edward, and completely refocus on it. He was so stunned at the about-face in the tracker's thoughts that he hesitated for a split second… that was all it took for James to dash away. Edward could've caught him, but… Alice may have kind of suggested that he let him go for now.
Carlisle was a little pissed, not that you'd know it to look at him. He was one of the few open animal-drinkers who were also well-known and respected in vampire circles. Since James was a skilled tracker, there was no way he hadn't been around long enough to know what he was doing by hunting in their territory. However, their priority at the moment was to protect Bella. Carlisle would look into advocating for animal-drinkers' rights once they sorted this mess out.
…
Bella wasn't quite sure how to deal with whatever was happening to her life.
It was stressful enough moving to Forks, learning to live with a father she'd only dealt with in small doses before. Then the stress of navigating a whole new high school, where alright, thankfully most people were pretty helpful and friendly, but also she had a Lot of work to do. She wasn't keen on living here forever, so she had to get into college. She didn't have time for all the guys who kept trying to ask her out. Not like she was interested, but also, what was with the hot guy who looked like it was painful just being around her, and then randomly did nice things for her? Not like she had a crush on him or anything. Nah, he came from a whole weird family of perfect people, so obviously he would date a super model or the princess of some unpronounceable European kingdom, probably.
However, she didn't understand what his deal was.
She thought they'd settled into a weird pattern of him being perfect, and looking slightly sick at having to deal with mere mortals like her, and then helping her out. But suddenly he seemed to be literally everywhere she went. Was that normal? Was that how people in small towns worked? Was this like one of those true crime episodes, where the serial killer lured you in with his perfect looks and supercilious helpfulness, and then bam! Just when you're distracted by his hot body, he'd kill you! Not like she had been checking out Edward or anything, but you know, a girl with eyes sees things. It's a fact.
She wasn't complaining, actually. She rather liked looking at him. She just didn't want him to know.
…
It was now the third day after James had escaped. There had been no more deaths or missing people reported in and around Forks, so in an ideal world it could mean the tracker moved on… but Edward knew that wasn't how James worked. Part of being a tracker meant being completely unable to move on once you fixated on something or someone… and he had literally been in the guy's head when he hooked on to Bella's unique sweetness.
So he was sticking close to Bella, and Alice had made friends with her as well. Rose declared that she'd rather patrol than hang out with the human, so that's where she and Emmett were off to. Jasper just kind of popped up every so often, never going too close to Bella if he could help it. Edward figured that was fine… he mayn't be able to hear Bella, but Jasper sure could smell how delicious she was, so yeah, better he stayed away.
When they'd discussed the possibilities as a family, they'd figured it was likely that James would try to attack Bella at home, when she was alone. But that day in the middle of class, Edward suddenly heard Alice's voice in his head. A flimsy excuse and thirty seconds later, he was already getting Bella out of her English class. Miss Keller looked dazed, but her thoughts were just the regular amount of vampire-addled. She continued to gaze at Edward's smile in bemusement for the minute it took him to herd Bella out from the room.
"What happened?" Bella asked the minute they were out in the corridor, and he steered her towards the stairwell. "Did you say they want me down in the office? Is it something urgent?"
"Ah yeah, about that…" He didn't have time to say anything more, as the window above the stairs shattered and James swooped in, laser-focused on Bella.
Edward managed to shove him back, slamming him into the wall. Bella gasped at the sudden attack and the swift, barely visible speed at which the two fought. The breeze from their movements whipped her hair into her eyes and she flailed a bit, trying to see, and the next thing she knew, she was tripping down the stairs, her clumsiness a bigger enemy than all the bloodthirsty vampires in Forks.
"Aaah!" she cried out in agony, landing awkwardly on her left leg. Her whole body felt battered and bruised, and she was suddenly angry. In a blink, Edward was by her side, helping her sit up, patting her down as though checking for injuries. His face was sharp, and she couldn't help but think he looked rather cute. Oh dear, maybe she hit her head when she fell? What was that stupid besotted thought!?
But oh, he was looking right into her eyes, and wow, they were a really pretty shade of amber. Did she sway a little into his arms? Perhaps… but then James picked himself up from the heap he was in, and swooped down at her again, with freaking vampire fangs elongated and sticking out of his mouth like the world's most uncomfortable Halloween accessory. Except… he managed to scrape at her arm when she tried to shield herself (oh, Edward just batted him away like a fly… sexy). Blood bloomed on her arm in a thin line, and yikes! She hated blood… always fainted when she saw it or smelt it…
Edward was torn. He wanted to rip James limb from limb for hurting Bella, but he kind of also wanted to lap at the crimson beads that were welling up rather seductively on her arm. Her fresh blood smelled even better than he could have imagined, but he had his priorities right. He would get rid of James and then try for a little taste. Or maybe it wouldn't matter if he…
He licked at the scratch, and nearly came at the spot.
Okay, that was probably not the best idea. He was self aware enough to see that. So he gently laid Bella back down and dashed at James. James seemed to be waiting for just that move, as he ducked and came right back at Bella… who had had enough of the dirty looking guy. Her bag was still slung over her shoulder, so she grabbed the first book at hand and threw it at him. The hardbound 800-page dictionary clocked him on the head… not hurting him in the slightest, but surprising him into a pause. That was all Edward needed, efficiently twisting off his head with a practiced snap.
Thankfully Alice and Jasper appeared just then and dragged off the tracker's remains before any other humans came by.
Edward and Bella weren't so lucky, and he had just picked her up in his arms when they were discovered by Mr Molina, their Biology teacher. So he couldn't just spirit her away to Carlisle as he'd planned. Still, the teacher seemed to buy their story of Bella slipping and falling on the stairs, and helped them get to the nurse's office. Luckily it turned out she'd gotten nothing worse than bruises and a sprained ankle.
Later it turned out that they weren't so lucky after all, as they also got detention.
"Detention?" Rose snapped. She sounded pissed and it was obvious even over the phone. On the other hand, Edward could clearly hear Emmett laughing. "How can they give kids detention for slipping down the stairs and hurting themselves? They're lucky we aren't suing them!"
"It's ok, Rose," Edward tried to calm her down. "There was a smashed window and some dents in the drywall as well. We might also have torn off a bit of the banisters, so…"
"Well, you're still the ones that got hurt! How is it your fault if they use rotten building material?"
Edward sighed and smacked his head with his hand. She was having way too much fun with this. "Rose, if you're quite done being the aggrieved parent…"
"Yeah, yeah," this time she laughed outright. "Enjoy detention, sucker. Try not to scare the human more than you have already." From her casual acceptance of Bella learning about them, it seemed that Alice had seen something that she had not told him. He'd have to deal with her later.
Edward laughed awkwardly and cut the call, looking over at Bella who was sitting across the table with her injured foot propped up on another chair. Apart from being slightly more dishevelled than usual, she actually looked quite composed. So far, she hadn't said a thing to the school authorities about the fight, or about vampires or anything. It was only a matter of time, though.
"You ok?" he asked, when the silence stretched a little too long.
"Yes, thanks to you," she said. "Hey, come over here a minute?"
Edward was surprised, but complied. What was the worst she could do, anyway, punch him?
She slowly lowered her injured leg to the ground and waved him to sit. He did, and then was briefly stunned when her arm reached out and drew him closer. The next thing he knew, she was kissing him.
Wow.
She sat back and looked at him consideringly, a small frown on her brow. It struck him that he hadn't actually kissed her back. Oops.
So he leaned in and kissed her, and this time was even better, because she kissed him back, and it was glorious and now there were tongues involved, which was kind of overwhelming… and suddenly he could hear her thoughts!
He jerked back in shock, and then kissed her again before she could change her mind. Yep, no mistake… he could hear her thoughts when they were kissing like this.
"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, we're kissing, so soft, wow, what am I doing?!" Bella's thoughts were as chaotic as Edward's feelings. It was fantastic!
After a few blissful minutes, Edward sat back, trying to calm down a little. He wanted to bite her so bad! Not even on the neck or anything, just her lip would do... a tiny drop or two of blood.
But he hadn't been celibate for a century for nothing. He could control himself a little longer.
"Edward," she whispered. "That guy… he wasn't human, was he?"
Ah, right. Instant boner killer. He had to tell her.
"No, he wasn't," he agreed.
"I saw that he was really strong, and really fast… and he had those weird teeth…"
"Haha yeah, he should've gone to the dentist years ago, right?" Edward wanted to slap himself for the stupid words that came out of his mouth.
"Was he a…" she looked around the room as if someone might have materialized while they were otherwise occupied, "…mutant?"
"A what?" Edward hadn't actually thought she would not immediately jump to the right conclusion. "He was a freaking vampire, Bella."
"Oh," she seemed to consider that. "And you defeated him. So are you like Buffy, or…"
"Spike," he said with a sigh. He hated that show. Hated it. And now he was actually using it to explain who he was. If he wasn't already technically dead… he'd want to kill himself.
"Wow, but much better looking," she said, then abruptly stopped, clapping a hand over her mouth. As if that would take back the words. Nope, they were tattooed across his non-beating heart. This was the best day of his life!
"Yeah," he smirked a little. "And my family too… but we don't drink human blood."
"Oh that's neat." She nodded a few times. "So, you're not really a high school kid, are you?"
He shook his head, dreading what she'd say next… surely now she'd be hit with the realization that he was too old, that he was a monster…
"Want to date?"
Edward didn't have words, so he just swooped back in and kissed her again.
Alice looked into the room from her vantage point in the tree outside and smiled. Taking a sip from her trendy hot pink travel mug of fresh blood, she thought, "Well, that went off well!" And then she sped home before Edward could come out of his kiss-drunk haze to realize all the things she had not told him in the last few weeks.
*_..._*