Seven months. It had been seven months since Justin left Pittsburg. Left his family. And left Brian. He had moved into an apartment with one of Daphne's friends when he first got here. But after a month ended up getting his own studio. The man who wrote the article about him gave him some people to call, and it was all uphill from there. Within a week of being in New York, he had already signed with a gallery and started painting for Josh's gallery. Josh and his wife Samantha we're Justin's only real friends in New York, and when he wasn't at the Gallery, or painting, he was with them.
His first painting was a hit, and he was given 10,000 dollars. He rented his own studio by the end of his first month. It had the perfect lighting. It was clean. It was perfect. His life in New York was perfect. Everything he did turned to gold, he couldn't miss. He was doing exactly what he wanted to do. Living his dream. Painting every day, going to every party, where everyone worshipped his talent. He was a star. They were right about him. New York was waiting for Justin to arrive...so why was it every night when he laid down in his bed, and the adrenaline stopped coursing through him, and he finally allowed himself to stop and breathe, that he knew he made the biggest mistake of his life?
He came to New York to make something of himself. To prove that he was worth it. To prove that he was an artist. So why did he want to go back to Pittsburg? Work in the Liberty Diner, and go back to Pittsburg Institute of Fine Art? He knew why. Because at the end of those days, he'd go back to his palace, and fall asleep next to his husband. Justin shook his head. "God don't start thinking about him now." Justin told himself in the mirror.
He was trying to get ready for another party. This one at the gallery was supposed to be big. Huge! Tonight could mean him going on tour in Italy. To display his work to the rest of the world. Everyone was sure he'd make it. They were already planning his tour. But all he saw was his country manor, with stables and a pool. Even a tennis court. He ripped his tie away from his neck and sat on his bed. He still couldn't tie it. He always let Brian tie it for him.
They had planned a few times for Brian to come and visit. But he could hear it in Brian's voice every time he talked to him. He missed Justin. He knew, without Brian telling him, that it would be to hard for Brian. He wasn't ready to see Justin, to have to say goodbye again. And that was the part that was killing him. Not just him, but Justin to. His phone rang suddenly, and he looked at the screen. It was Brian. He was trying to FaceTime him. He leaned over and grabbed his Ipad and answered it. Waiting for a minute till he saw Brian's face. He looked amazing. He was sitting on the couch drinking.
"Excited about tonight?" Brian asked. Justin smiled and nodded. "You look nervous. You shouldn't be. You know they're going to fall in love with your work, and you'll be on a plane to Italy by tomorrow. I hope your already packed." Brian said, taking a swig of alcohol. Justin could read him like a book. He was happy for Justin. But going to Italy just meant that he would be further away from Brian. And it broke his heart. Justin Taylor, was breaking Brian Kinney's heart. "You're not going to throw up are you?" he asked. Justin shook his head.
"No I'll be fine. I just can't tie this fucking thing." Justin said, holding up his tie. Brian rolled his eyes, and showed Justin a tie in his own hand.
"Luckily I come prepared. I knew you wouldn't ever learn. Just follow me. And don't go around telling everyone I helped you tie your tie like this. They'll say it's all sweet and romantic of me." Brian grumbled. Justin laughed, and followed along with what Brian did, and in no time at all, Justin had a tie. Brian leaned forward to see. "That'll have to do. Now spit it out what's wrong Sunshine. You look like you're gonna be sick." Brian asked. How could he tell him that he was miserable without him? That he missed him terribly. That he wanted to be with him right now. Before he could answer, he could hear a pounding on Brian's loft door, making Brian turn his head. He looked down at his watch and rolled his eyes. "That would be Theodore. He's early. He's always to early. Fucking prick." he grumbled, making Justin laugh.
"Can I say hi?" Justin asked. Brian nodded and walked away. Justin waited for a moment, and then Ted sat down.
"Hey Justin how are you?" Ted asked.
"I'm good. Getting ready to go to a show tonight." Justin said.
"Oh yeah Brian was telling me about this show. You may get to go to Italy. That's awesome. I'm really happy for you. We miss you around here." Ted said, looking over to Brian. "And some of us are all mopey without your blonde bubble butt around to spread some sunshine." Ted joked. Justin saw Brian's hand come out of no where and smack him, making Justin laugh.
"Say goodbye Theodore." he heard Brian say.
"Good luck tonight. And come back and visit us soon." he said, before Brian pushed him out of the way. Justin smiled at him.
"You better get a move on Sunshine. They can't have the party without you." Brian said, smiling at him. Justin smiled sadly at him, and scrubbed his face. He wanted to tell him he loved him, and that he missed him so bad it hurt. It did hurt. He felt it in his chest every day. He thought maybe Brian wanted to say something, but didn't want to with Ted being so close.
"Yeah I better go. Thanks for the tie." Justin said, holding it up.
"Call me after and let me know how it went, and how soon your leaving. Doesn't matter what time. I have to pull an all nighter for a meeting tomorrow." he said, taking another sip of his drink. He knew he was hiding his face with the glass. His voice struggled with the word 'leaving'. Justin nodded his head again, and felt his eyes filling with tears. "Later." Brian said. Justin nodded and waved, hanging up.
The gallery was packed. All of Justin's art that he had done in the last seven months was displayed. Of course he had sometime to whip up two issues of Rage! Him and Michael also FaceTimed. It wasn't as easy as being in the same room, but they managed it. He felt a sharp pain in his right hand, and rubbed at it furiously with his left hand. He had been getting many cramps in it lately. It hadn't been this bad since he had broken up with Brian and moved in with Ethan. Brian always took the time to massage his hand. Really dig into it. Kept the pain at bay. When he was with Ethan, he said that he couldn't sit there all the time rubbing his hand. He needed the strength in his own hand for his violin. But then he remembered he actually had them when he was in L.A. When they were trying to make Rage the movie. Without Brian there every day, his cramps started creeping up on him. He got a few the last time he broke up with Brian. When he moved in with Michael, and then on his own. It wasn't to bad, they weren't separated long, so it didn't get as bad. But after seven months he could feel the strain.
"You look like you could use a freaken drink." he heard. He turned around, and saw Samantha. The man who owned this gallery was Josh. And Samantha was his wife. She handed him a champagne glass. "And for God sakes look excited over here. I'm so over your brooding and mopeyness. Your art is just way to sad and depressing." she said. Justin chuckled at her as they both looked at one of his paintings. "God I hate these events. Thanks for being so fucking brilliant that I had to get all fabulous and beautiful and haul my ass out here to support my husbands new artist." she annoyingly said. Justin let out a real laugh.
"So sorry." Justin joked.
"Josh said it's in the bag. So you should pack yours. These people are loving your work. Can't get enough of it. I personally hate it. The only stuff I like was Rage. At least that has naked hot guys in it." she said, taking a sip of her drink. He whipped his head over at her with his eyes wide. He hadn't told anyone in New York that he was the artist for Rage.
"How did you know that?" Justin asked. Samantha turned her face towards him and smiled.
"That is a secret for me to tell you after this stupid night is over. I'll take you next door for a drink and I'll tell you my dirty little secret of how I knew you drew Rage. You're own dirty little secret." she joked, chugging the rest of her drink and setting the empty glass on a near by table. She leaned in a gave him a hug and pulled back. "All joking aside. You're way to talented to not have the world eating out of the palm of your hand. Just give me a wink when someone is boring you to much and I'll come by and save you." she said, kissing his cheek and walking away to go stand with her husband. Her husband's father had owned this gallery, and Josh had taken it over a few years ago. The two of them were a few years older then him, and very down to earth.
He realized that Josh and Sam were really the only two friends that he had. He never talked to his old roommate, Daphne's friend. And the only other people he ever really spoke to were his colleagues. He actually hung out with Josh and Sam a lot. They always managed to pull him out of his sad mood. But he never liked to talk about his family in detail to them. It hurt to much. He tried to change the subject when it came to Brian, and anything to personal. Sam was always excited and loud, and asked a million questions. He could tell that they had caught on, and didn't ask to much personal things after that. Sam tried to keep it light hearted, but he knew, that she knew, something else was there.
The party was a bore. And within the hour, was offered his dream. To take his art to Italy. As soon as two weeks. That's if he said yes tonight. But the hesitance on his face made Sam speak up. "Oh now don't rush him Alonzo. He's so young. This is all way to exciting to him. Give him two weeks to say yes or no. He does have a life that he needs to put in order before he goes touring Italy for a year." Sam said. He gulped. A whole year. By 10:00 he was standing in front of his painting again. It was the most depressing one he had ever painted. "This one always confuses me." Sam said, standing next to him.
"Why's that?" Justin asked.
"Well look at it. It looks like your in a dance club. In the background is what you think is the New York city skyline. But after you look real close you realize it's not. I assume it's Pittsburg because that's where you came from. But then there's a diner, and then over here it looks like a house." she said.
"Country manor." Justin clarified. Sam looked over at him. And then back to the painting.
"And then all the way over here. Two circles. Looks more like rings to me. Like wedding rings. All these things are hidden into the picture." she said. He thought he camouflaged those well. She pointed to a car in the picture. It was Brian's Vette.
"For someone who always bitches that she hates art, it's funny that your looking so closely at mine." he said. She smiled at him and turned to a waiter
"Would you mind getting our coats Trevor?" she asked. The waiter nodded, and came back a few minutes later with their coats. "Come on. Drinks are on me." she said. She looped her arm through his, and looked around. "JOSH!" she said across the crowd. There were only a handful of people left. "I'm leaving with the artist of the night to have a drink next door." she said provocatively. Making everyone laugh. Josh laughed at her.
"Just don't be bringing him home Sammy. I do like to show our guests that we have some morals in our marriage." he said, making everyone laugh. That's why he liked them. It was easy going with them.
"God your no fun anymore." she grumbled, and led Justin out. They walked next door and sat in a booth, where she instantly took her heels off and plopped them on the table, and took her earrings off. She ordered a beer for both of them. She held her bottle out to make a toast. "To Justin Taylor. May all his dreams come true." she said and smiled, clinking her bottle to his and taking a sip. "So. For someone who has basically had the best seven months of his life, only getting better, and being offered a tour of a lifetime that will set his career for life, you have the saddest face on." she said. Justin shook his head.
"No I'm so happy. This is exactly why I came to New York. This is my dream job. I'm getting everything that I ever wanted."
"Bull shit." Sam said quickly. "I'm so calling bull shit on you. Something is holding you back from being happy. Something that says you are so much older then 23 years old. Something puts sadness in your eyes. Something doesn't let you be completely happy. So I'm calling bull shit." she said, sitting back and taking a swig of beer. She had him pegged. He cleared his throat, and tried changing the subject.
"How did you find out about my comic book? I never told anyone here about it." Justin asked. She smiled and leaned forward.
"Alright. I'll let you in on my dirty little secret. How I know about Rage, and even the fact that I figured out all on my own, that Rage's husband J.T. is actually you. Which by the way, I know your gay, even before I read your comic book. And I'll only tell you if you tell me the truth about what's holding you back." she said. They stared at each other for a moment and then Justin nodded. She smiled. "I googled you." she admitted, and then burst out laughing. His mouth fell open.
"That's it? You googled me? No one knows that I'm J.T. though."
"I already told you, I figured that one out myself. But I did know you were gay from the second I met you."
"How?"
"Easy. You didn't look at my boobs once. And I was wearing a bikini when Josh brought you home." she said. Justin chuckled and sat back. "So out with it. Tell me all about Rage. When did you meet him. How did you meet him?" she asked.
"What makes you think this is all about a guy?" he asked.
"Because I'm extremely intelligent and can see all the mopey depressive 'I miss my long lost love' in every single one of your paintings. Their beautiful, but sad. So out with it J.T." she said. He let out a deep breath.
"The dance club in the painting. Babylon. I was standing outside of it. It was on Liberty Ave. Only gay people go there. And I was 17, and just realizing I was gay. And I just wanted to get away from my perfect suburban straight life for the night. So I was standing there, under a street light, right outside of Babylon...when he saw me." he said. He remembered his stomach getting tied in knots, and he couldn't breath.
"What's his name?" she asked.
"Brian. Brian Kinney. Or as he used to be known as Brian Fucking Kinney. The Stud of Liberty Ave. He came over to me, asked me what I was doing, and took me back to his loft with him. Leaving his two friends behind to get driven home by their other friend. That night changed my life." he said, going through every detail in his mind. He chuckled. "I was so nervous, I got to his loft and just started babbling like an idiot about tylenol and cheerios. And here is this gorgeous man, stripping in front of me." he said. Samantha started fanning herself.
"God I'm gonna need a cold shower after this story." she joked. He chuckled at her.
"I was invited into his world that night. Not willingly on his part. He got a call that his son was born that night. One of his best friends from childhood, Lindsey. She's a lesbian. Her partners name is Melanie, and they wanted a baby. So as Brian liked to say, he jacked off in a cup and they shot it up her and now they had a baby." he said. Sam burst out laughing.
"Oh gosh I like this guy. How old was he? He had to be an adult if he had his own place. And purposely having a baby." she asked. He chuckled nervously.
"Yeah he was 29 at the time." he said. Her eyes widened.
"Holy crap. He better be hot." she said. Justin laughed and nodded his head. She tilted her head. "Now that smile reached your eyes. One chat about Brian, and I finally get a full smile. I knew this was about a guy." she said proudly. He rolled his eyes at her. "Let me see what he looked like back then." she said. He pulled out his Iphone and searched for a picture. It was taken at his very first art showing at the Gay and Lesbian center. He turned it around and showed it to her. "My God he was hot at 29. No wonder you fell for him. Now show me what he looks like now." she said, handing him back his phone. He scrolled through his photo album to show her a picture that Emmett sent him the other day when he was visiting Ted at Kinnetik. Emmett constantly kept him up to date on everything he did. He was relieved for this, because he felt like he was still there. He sent Justin pictures every time he was with one of the family, just to keep him a part of their lives. He turned the phone around again. "My God this man is dreamy. It's a damn shame he's gay. I'd so fuck him." she said, fanning herself again, making Justin laugh. But then she squinted her eyes at it and zoomed in and practically threw the phone. "God I take that back. He looks way to much like my older brother. Groose." she said in disgust, making him laugh. But then she shrugged. "Forget it. He's not my brother. I'd still fuck him." He took his phone back.
"Aren't you married?" he joked.
"Yeah. But a girl can dream can't she? So go on. His lesbians called to say his baby was born." she said. He nodded his head.
"So he let me go with him, because I couldn't go home. My parents thought I was at a friends house. So he took me, and we picked up his best friend Michael. He's the one who writes Rage. He's Zephyr. And the three of us ran into the hospital room. Brian had a son. And I even was the one who named him. Gus." Justin said proudly. Sam smiled at him. "Brian took me back to his place again. And after a night of getting my brains fucked out, I knew that night. He was the one for me. There was never going to be anyone else. Ever." he said, taking a sip of his drink. He knew that. No one could ever compare to Brian.
"And you guys fell in love and started dating." she said. He laughed.
"No not at all. Brian didn't do boyfriends. I tried showing up at the places he liked to go. Started avoiding me, told me that it was just a fuck. And that he didn't care about me. It was devastating. But I followed him to Babylon. And he was dancing with these two guys. So I took my shirt off and started dancing near them, and they both left him to dance with me. They were all over me, and he got so jealous. Pushed them out of the way and started dancing with me." he said, remembering how perfect that night was. "We went back to his place again, and fucked all night." he said, taking a sip of his beer. Sam started snapping her fingers at him.
"Don't get so lost in that memory that you start humping the table. What happened next." she asked excitedly.
"Well I was dealing with a lot. My mom found out I was gay. Some of the kids at my school did to. Started harassing me and stuff. And I ended up meeting Lindsay and Melanie again, which is Gus' moms. Lindsay works at an art gallery, and she got me my first showing at the Gay and Lesbian Center. Just some drawings I had done. I was becoming part of their world. I was hanging out with them a lot more. And by them, I mean not only Brian, but his best friend Michael, who by the way absolutely hated me. And Emmett and Ted. Mel and Lindsay. And Debbie, Michael's mother. She worked at the Diner that we always used to go to. She even nicknamed me Sunshine the night she met me. Stuck with me ever since." he said, smiling at the memory.
"Sunshine. I can totally see that. I couldn't before tonight. But seeing you talk about Brian and your friends. I see the sunshine now." she said. He felt himself blush.
"Well I got into a fight in school a few times with this kid Chris Hobbes. And my dad found out I was gay because my mom told him. He totally flipped. He ended up finding Brian and driving into his jeep. Totaling his jeep and giving him a concussion. I figured it out the next day once I saw my dads car. He didn't want me to see Brian, or talk about being gay. Ended up hitting me. So I took off. He followed us one night to Babylon, and waited for us to come out. I was getting inside Brian's rental car, because his jeep was gone mind you, and my dad came up behind Brian and started punching him and kicking him. So I ran over and pulled him off of Brian. Michael, Emmett and Ted came running over and held Brian back from killing my father. He told me if I didn't come home with him then, then I could never come home. So I chose to never come home again." he said sadly.
"Wow. That's just so sad that a father could do that to his own son." she said. He snorted.
"Brian let me sleep over at his loft. My mom came by the next day and gave Brian some of my things. Totally pissed him off. Freaked Brian out to. He picked me up from school one day, and brought me home to my parents. Tried to help the best he could. But my dad told me I was to never see Brian again, or talk about my lifestyle. Brian got pissed and said that wasn't love, that was hate, and asked if I wanted to come back home with him again. So he took me in. And it was fine for a week. Until I forgot to set the alarm one day. He lived in a bad part of town. And Brian had every Tom, Dick and Harry up at the loft to have sex with, that when his loft was robbed, there was no way to figure out who robbed him. So he kicked me out...and I stole his credit card and flew to New York to become a GO GO dancer." he rushed out. Sam burst out laughing again.
"Oh my God you didn't." she laughed. He smiled and nodded his head.
"Yeah. He came and chased me down. Took me home. But he drove me to Debbie's house. Michael's mom. She lived there with her brother Vic. She had taken care of him. He had HIV." Justin said. Sam sucked in a breath.
"Had?" she asked. He nodded.
"Passed away a few years ago." he said. She nodded. "I stayed with them till the end of my senior year. See me and Brian were getting...we were getting closer. I wasn't his boyfriend, and I didn't live with him...but I just didn't take no for an answer. I begged him to go to my prom with me. He refused. But I went anyway with my best friend Daphne. See little did I know, while I was dancing away, Brian was freaking out. He just turned 30 and thought it was the end of the world. Tried to kill himself. Michael stopped the idiot. But it somehow turned him around, and he walked into my prom." he said, still sad that he was taking Daphne and Brian's version. That memory from prom still hadn't returned to him.
"Oh my God really?" she asked. He nodded and she laughed. "Keep going." she said, and pointed to the beers, asking the bartender for more, and came and rushed them over.
"So we started dancing, and had the floor to ourselves, and kissed on the dance floor. It was the best moment of my life. At least that's what I was told." Justin said. Sam stared at him in question. "We ran out of there and into the parking garage, dancing and singing. And he wrapped his silk scarf around me, told me he'd see me later...and I started walking away. And I heard him yell out to me, and I turned around...and Chris Hobbs swung a bat at me and hit me on the head." he said. Sam choked on her beer and coughed for a moment. She had not expected that.
"Oh my God." she said.
"Yeah. Brian was trying to warn me. He messed up Chris' leg pretty bad. Got the bat away from him and hit his knee. I was in coma for a couple of weeks, and rehab for a month. It messed me up really bad. See, I didn't remember any of that night. I don't remember dancing at prom or goofing off in the garage. I do remember walking away, and hearing him call my name to warn me. And the bat hitting me." Justin said sadly.
"That's so sad." Sam said. He nodded his head.
"I didn't let anyone touch me. I couldn't leave the house without freaking out. And my mom wanted Brian to stay away from me. But she ended up going to him and begging him to take me. That Brian was the only one I trusted. So Brian took me home with him. And we lived together for a about a year. He took me in because I got bashed in the head. But it wasn't the reason he wanted me to stay there. He cared about me. He paid for my school when my father refused to help me, because I was gay, and I chose not to go to Dartmouth. But he didn't like to show it in romantic ways. He didn't know how to show it. All I wanted was for him to say that he loved me. Show me that he cared. Call me his boyfriend, because I was his boyfriend. He still had sex with other guys. Most of the time we did it together. It was a game to him. I ended up meeting this guy who played the violin. I was so drawn to him...I guess as you get older and look back at your life, you realize what was going on. I wasn't really falling for this guy. I just needed to prove to myself that I could be cared about. That I could be loved. That I was worth flowers and romance. So I left Brian, moved in with Ethan...and he cheated on me. And I was relieved I finally had an excuse to get out of this relationship that I wanted nothing to do with. But that meant I had to find some way to get Brian back. I ended up getting an internship at the AD Agency where he worked. Bugged the shit out of him. But I went to him and told him he should take me back. Because it was a mistake that I left. And...we were back together. I didn't move back in though. But we were together. That was all I needed. We went through some pretty hard times in those two years. He was working for the police chief to get him elected for Mayor, in his true Brian nature of course, just so he could make good money and good contacts. The guy was a homophobic asshole, who wanted all gay people to die." he said.
"Sweet guy." Sam said. Justin chuckled.
"Well Brian ended up taking him down. Stockwell covered up this kids murder...who was gay. One of the officers on his team killed this kid. And Brian went into debt just to run a commercial saying he covered it up. Ended up working. But he was losing everything. Of course in true Brian Kinney style, he got it all back. Started his own agency, which I named by the way. Of course I was losing things. I got kicked out of school because I was printing campaign posters against Stockwell, and putting them up around town. They wanted me to apologize to him and I wouldn't. Of course after everything came out about Stockwell, and then me losing a bet with Brian, I ended up going back. I took Mel with me though. She's a lawyer, and basically threatened them if they didn't let me back in. But we were fine. We were happy. We were training to go on this charity bike ride. And Brian just wasn't strong enough to go, but refused to not go. Convinced me to go to L.A. because some director was going to turn Rage into a movie. And I came back to that idiot, hours behind the rest of everyone else. He went on the ride, and broke his clavicle. And he pushed himself the whole day like 50 miles, which should have just been a few hours, but took almost 18 hours, with one hand, and Michael by his side. Fucking idiot. Had to show off." he chuckled. Sam laughed with him. "He asked me to move back in with him. That that's what he wanted. He wanted to change things. I thought to myself, this is what I've been waiting for. Things are gonna be different now. He wants to change his life. He wants me to be apart of it. Were gonna eventually get married, and start a family." he said sadly and looked down. He purposely left out the fact that Brian had cancer. He knew, that she didn't know Brian. But it was something Brian didn't tell people. Even if he didn't know them.
"That didn't happen?" she asked sadly. He chuckled and shook his head.
"That was when I came up with Rage marrying J.T. I wanted him to want it. Everyone else around us was settling down. Why couldn't we. And it was the hardest thing I had ever done up until that point. But I left him. I moved in with Michael and his husband Ben. And he freaked out. He came to their house one night drunk. Saying that I was perfectly happy until Michael infected me with all these ideas of getting married. They had this God awful fight, just screaming at each other. Me and Michael had a strange relationship. He had been in love with Brian. And I came along, and I was the guy who stayed. Brian kept no one but me. He was the one who told Brian about Ethan. He was the one who told me no one wanted me around since I left Brian. He was the one that ratted me out that I knew something about Brian I wasn't supposed to, which is another long story." Justin said, meaning the cancer again. "But then he was the one who convinced me to go back, and then he was the one who screamed in his best friends face, defending me. Telling Brian that all I wanted was for him to tell me he loved me. He was throwing his best friend away, to stick up for me." Justin said.
"He must have finally fell in love with this Ben guy." she said. Justin smiled.
"Yeah. They ended up adopting this teenager. Hunter. And they share custody of Michael and Melanie's daughter. And they bought a house. They were what I wanted." he said sadly, wiping at his face before he could let any tears fill his eyes. "Brian ended up buying Babylon, and Cyndi Lauper was playing there for a benefit. And everyone was there, except Brian. He was going to Australia. But he came back back because...someone had set a bomb at the club." he said. Sam gasped again.
"Oh my God. Why did someone do that? Was anyone hurt?" she asked. He nodded.
"It was a benefit to stop Proposition 9. It was going to take away all Gay rights. Michael and Ben would lose their house...someone set it because gay people are an abomination in the eyes of God." he said. She snorted.
"God! People always pick out what they want out of the Bible. Jesus loves everyone. He says it's a sin to be a homosexual. But he also says it's a sin to steal. He looks at sins all the same. It's just society that picks and chooses what's a worse sin. My God don't even get me started on the Bible." she joked. He smiled and laughed. "So who was hurt? Did anyone die?" she asked. He nodded again.
"A few people died. I only met one of them. She was one of Mel and Lindsay's friends. Michael was actually really hurt. He was near the bomb. Burnt his whole face. We didn't know if he'd survive or not. But luckily he did." he said, taking a long swig of his drink. "I was so discombobulated. I couldn't figure out where the door was. I've spent thousands of hours in that place, but I couldn't remember where the door was...And then I heard him calling my name. Brian came back, and he came in to find me. And I just hugged him. And later outside...he told me how scared he was. That all he could think of was that he didn't want anything to happen to me. And he told me that he loved me." he whispered. Sam gasped and grabbed his hand. He realized she was crying.
"Oh my God. He finally told you he loved you?" she sat up and leaned over and punched him in the arm. "What the fuck are you doing in New York? You got what you wanted. Brian said he loved you." she said, sitting back down, wiping at her face. He laughed and shook his head.
"I thought it was kind of to late. I had already made up my mind. Maybe after the bombing, we could at least be friends...but we couldn't be together anymore. He didn't believe in marriage...he came by my apartment the next day...and actually asked me to marry him." he said, peeking up at Sam again.
"What the fuck are you doing here? He proposed? You are an idiot." she said, shaking her head and drinking her beer. He chuckled.
"I just told you why. This wasn't what he wanted. He was just freaked out that everyone that he loved almost died...he brought me out to the country the next day. Drove me up to this beautiful Country Manor. With a tennis court, swimming pool and stables. Everything that I had wanted. He bought it for me. For us..." he trailed off, looking up. "He bought this beautiful palace for his prince, and said he knew why he was the worst candidate for marriage, but told me he knew why he was perfect for it. Because he finally found a reason why he wanted to do it. Because he wanted to prove to the man he loved, how much he loved me." he was choked up and looked down. "He was selling his loft, and the club, and bought me the home of my dreams...taking a chance on love...so I said yes. That I'd marry him." he said, wiping the tears away from his face. "We were going to get married. Everything that I wanted, was right there...but there was an article written about me saying I needed to be in New York. That I was wasting my talent in Pittsburg. So the night before the wedding, he convinced me I needed to come out here. He didn't want to hold me back. He wouldn't hold me back...so we called it off...and I got on a plane that night." he said, covering his face. He wiped tears away and looked up. Sam had tears down her face.
"That is like the saddest thing I ever heard." she said. She looked out the window, and then back at him. "Do you know why I tag along to all these parties and art shows, even though I absolutely fucking hate art and want nothing to do with it?" she asked. It was true that she hated the parties. She complained about it so openly. He shook his head at her. "Because Josh loves it. He can't fucking draw to save his life. But he loves it. He's so damn passionate about his job. Finding unknown artists and helping them become a success. He loves the beauty of it all. And I love to see him happy. I love his smile, how it lights up his face and reaches his eyes. And he loves being able to look over to the other side of the room at me, openly complaining about art and my feet hurting. He loves that I want to be with him, and do something that he loves so much, just to make him happy. He doesn't have to have a career, and a home life be separate entities in his life. He can bring his family into his career. And he can bring his career into his home. It makes him insanely happy to not have to separate it." she said. He nodded his head. "He comes home to me, or with me, every night, and he's happy. It's worth it. So what about you Justin?" she asked. He stared at her for a moment. "You got the career. All you have to do is say yes, and this tour will set your career up for life. But do you want to go to bed alone every night? Not sharing it with Brian? Is this worth sacrificing him? Because I have never seen your Sunshine face until we sat right here." she said. She leaned forward. "Why do you want to be alone, but have the career. It doesn't make you happy if he's not standing by you. Cheering you on. You can paint anywhere. You can go back home and paint, and still keep Brian." she said. He put his head down, hiding his face. She was right. She was absolutely right. She leaned forward and grabbed his hands. "What the fuck are you still doing sitting in this booth? Why aren't you looking on your phone for the first plane ticket back to Pittsburg?" she asked him. Why wasn't he?
It was 2:00 in the morning. Brian kept checking his phone to make sure it was working. He knew it was. But he hadn't gotten one text from Justin. Not one call. He knew how tonight was going to go. They'd offer him the best deal of his life. He'd leave the country, and never look back. He took another swig of Beam. And he would get even further away from him. These past seven months had been torture. He tried to keep himself busy with his work.
He was making more money then he knew what to do with. So much, that he had been helping the Mayor support to get gay marriages legalized in the state. He was quiet about it though. The only one who knew that he donated so much money, was Ted, because he was the accountant. He had also thrown some money at Cancer and AIDS research. It looked good for his company to donate so much money. And of course, the Vic Gracci house.
Most people in the gay community were wanting to get out. They were afraid being attacked. So every time he heard about someone wanting to sell their property in the gay part of Pittsburg, he bought it out. Brian Kinney was now the owner of The Liberty Diner, Woody's, Poppers, Torso, and few houses and apartment buildings. But how does he keep customers and tenants? By upgrading to the best security system money could buy. His three apartment buildings were now filled to capacity, and his seven houses were rented out. Both his clubs, Babylon and Poppers, and his bar Woody's were filled up every night. And the Diner was still going strong. He made sure Debbie got a big fat raise when she became the manager. He was just making sure Rage took care of his Gayopolis. He had even helped with advertising for Rage. The last two issues that came out were bigger then ever. Everyone wanted them to come out quicker, including Michael, but he never pushed Justin.
With the Mayor trying to legalize gay marriages, it turned into a ray of hope in his life. Lindsay and Melanie were in the process of coming home. They were homesick for their families. Their families being him, Michael, Ben, Hunter, Debbie, Horvath, Emmett and Ted. Gus had taken it much harder then anyone anticipated, leaving Brian. He had gone at least once a month to visit. He had to cancel on Justin one time because Gus had become hysterical, crying for Brian. He had flown up there at once. It was then that the girls new, Canada wasn't their home, that Pittsburg was. Brian had bought them a house in the country. West Virginia actually. Across the street from Britin actually.
He still called his house that. He hadn't sold it like he told Justin he would. He also hadn't been back there. To many memories. Well, not memories, more like to many fantasies. No one had seen the house except Jennifer. She was the one who found it after all. Everyone knew about it, because when they had announced their engagement, Justin raved about the manor, and couldn't wait to show everyone. But that never happened. Neither did the wedding. That was the worst day of his life.
He hadn't been able to visit Justin. All he could think about, was having to say goodbye. He just couldn't do that to himself. It was hard enough talking to him on FaceTime and saying goodbye. He sometimes wondered if he should just cut all ties to Justin. He wasn't coming back. And the longer he held onto him, the worse it hurt. He had tried to get over him. Tried tricking. He was close once. But couldn't do it. Couldn't even let some twinkie blow him. He hadn't had so much as a hand job since Justin left. He chuckled. Justin could have gotten his wish for Brian to fuck him bareback. He was negative, and hadn't been with anyone else in 8 months. No one but Justin. He wondered if Justin had been with anyone.
He shook the thought out of his head, as his phone started ringing. He looked down and saw that it was Justin. Should he answer it? Maybe he should start cutting ties right now? Maybe not always answering him when he calls. He let it go to voicemail, and he let out the deep breath he was holding. He should just turn his phone off. That way he won't have to hear about Justin going to Italy. His phone rang again. Justin was just going to keep calling. He shook his head and answered it. "When do you leave for Italy?" he asked, trying not to sound bitter. He was trying to sound supportive, but knew he was failing miserably. Justin chuckled.
"It went really well tonight. They asked me to sign with them, but Sam told them to back off, and give me two weeks to think about it." he said. Brian sat down on his couch.
"Why do you need to think about it? You already know your decision. You should just sign with them and go on tour. It's the best thing for your career." he said.
"Yeah I know that it is. Saying yes will set me up for life. I know all that." he said.
"Then why are you making them wait?" Brian demanded. He heard someone knocking on his door. He ignored it and the pounding got louder.
"Are you gonna get that?" Justin asked. He chuckled.
"You can hear that? Some mother fucker is pounding on my door." he said. He started walking over to the door. "Just sign the papers already and go to Italy. Why the hell are you hesitating?" he asked as he opened the door. There staring at him, with a cell phone to his ear, was Justin Taylor. They stared at each other for a minute, before he put the phone down.
"Sorry I didn't call earlier. I had a few drinks at a bar next door with Samantha. And then I got a cab to the airport. I bought the plane ticket from my phone. All I have is my wallet, phone, and luckily I took my bag tonight with my Ipad and MacBook. I came right here as fast I could." he said. Brian could barely breathe. Justin was here. His hair was longer again. He looked amazing.
"Why didn't you sign the deal?" he whispered.
"Because I realized something tonight." Justin whispered back to him.
"What?" Brian asked.
"I'm a great artist. All I have to do is go to Italy, and I'll be famous...but it wasn't worth it if your not standing next to me. It's not worth it if I don't get to go back home to Britin with you. It's not worth it if I don't get to sleep next to you every night, and wake up next to you every morning. I'm a great artist. And I can paint anywhere, I don't have to be in New York. And I proved that to myself. I don't ever have to wonder what if. What if I had gone? Would I be great? The only time I felt like myself these past seven months was when I was working on Rage. I loved it. Because it was about you and me...Brian I..." Justin trailed off, scrubbing his face with his hands. "You were so selfless...letting me go. I know how hard it was for you...everyone tried to hide the truth from me. That you're sad without me here. But I know. You wanted to keep me here. You wanted me to be amazing. And you know I would have stayed if you asked me. But you couldn't do that to me. You wouldn't." he struggled to get out. It was true. He never would. "You don't ever have to ask me to stay. Just answer me one thing." he whispered. Brian struggled to find his voice.
"What's that?" Brian whispered.
"Can I come back home to you?" he asked. Brian watched as Justin started crying. Brian felt tears in his own eyes, but wouldn't let fall. He cleared his throat.
"Come the fuck home Sunshine." he tried to joke. Justin let out a sob and threw himself at Brian. Brian smashed his lips against Justin as he cried. He'd let the man he loved cry just this once. Hell, he wanted to cry to, but he wasn't going to go total lesbionic. No matter how much he loved this man. After a few minutes, Justin pulled back and rested his forehead against. "Are you really coming home? Are you really fucking standing in front of me?" Brian whispered. Justin laughed.
"I am. I haven't been this happy since I was here. I have never felt more secure in any decision I ever made. I know this is the right choice for me. I know I'll figure out a career that makes me happy. Whatever I do. And I'll love it even more because you'll be right next to me. I have you, and that's the dream I've always wanted." he said. Brian laughed.
"Don't go sounding all romantic now Sunshine." he joked. Justin put his hands on Brian's face and stared up at him.
"I love you Brian Kinney." Justin said. He hadn't heard those words in so long. And he didn't realize how much he loved them. Could he say them again? He said them, asked the guy to marry him, and then he walked away. Could he just say them again?
"I love you to Justin Taylor." he whispered. Yes, he could say them again. And it felt good. He laughed and kissed him again. "I love you." he whispered again. Justin jumped and wrapped his arms around his neck. God it felt so good to have him back in his arms. He leaned forward and slid his door shut, locking it. He pulled back and brought Justin over to the couch. He thought Justin was going to shit next to him after he took off his shoes and jacket. But he hopped into Brian's lap and wrapped his arms around him again.
"I've missed you so much." he whispered. Brian squeezed him tight.
"I've missed you to Sunshine. Every minute that you were away. Please don't ever leave again." he said in a funny voice, making Justin laugh. He remembered years ago, that that was what Justin said to him...well, wanted Brian to say to him, after Justin came back from Vermont. But he said it on his own this time. And meant every word. Justin pulled back, and laughed. "What's so funny?" Brian asked.
"This was not how I imagined my day would go. But I haven't ever felt this happy. I don't regret for one second that I chose you. I was never happy in New York. You weren't there to share it with." Justin said.
"Well I'm glad you came back." Brian admitted. Justin smiled.
"What do we do now? I told them tonight that I was gonna pass. But all my stuff is still there. Just sitting there. I have plants that I have to water in the morning." Justin laughed. God it was good to hear his laugh again. He leaned up and kissed him.
"We'll go back and start packing up all your stuff tomorrow and get it shipped back here." Brian said. He could take a week or two off. He did own his own company.
"I have a ton of stuff Brian. I have my own loft. And a studio. What are we supposed to do with it all here?" Justin asked, looking around his loft. Brian smiled. Things were falling into place again for him. Gus was coming home, Lindsay was coming home, and his Sunshine was home again.
"We'll have it all shipped to Britin." Brian said. Justin gasped.
"You didn't sell it?" Justin asked. Brian shook his head.
"I couldn't. I bought it for you. I was still trying to hold on to you." he admitted, clearing his throat and looking away. Justin put his fingers under Brian's chin and made him look up.
"Did you return anything else?" Justin whispered. Brian knew what he was talking about. Their wedding rings. Brian shook his head again.
"I told you I couldn't. That I wouldn't." Brian said.
"We still don't need rings and vows to tell each other we love each other. You were doing that for me. And I love you for it. But we don't have to get married. I'm ok with us just being together. Being partners." Justin said. Brian leaned back and stared at him.
"I've had seven months to think about that. Do I really want that? Do I want a marriage? I knew for certain I wanted you. But what kind of relationship did I want? Did I just want to call you my boyfriend for the rest of my life?" he asked. Justin stared down at him, and Brian grabbed Justin's face. "I want to be able to call you my husband. I want the whole domestic life with you Justin. Not just to make you happy. Because I realized after you left, and we didn't get married, that I wanted it to make me happy to." Brian said.
"Really?" Justin asked. Brian nodded and Justin leaned in and kissed him again. Brian pulled back.
"Justin?" Brian asked.
"Yeah?"
"Will you marry me? For real this time?" Brian whispered.
"YES!" Justin yelled and kissed Brian hard. Justin was back. And this time, it was for good!