How to Survive a Harry Potter Fanfic
May 1st, 1991
Dear Diary,
I know I usually don't have much to say. Mother makes me write in this diary twice a month, and it is rather dull. Today however I have exciting events to share. Two days ago, I woke up in St. Mungo's after falling down the stairs and hitting my head. I seem to be remembering events that never happened to me, but they feel like they did, almost like memories of a past life. Apparently, I was a muggle. I don't know how I feel about this, it seems to go against everything Mother and Father have ever told me. Magic should be inherent to our souls, which would mean that it would be in all our lives. What separates us from the muggles if I was one in my last life? Who am I really? Maybe I am just going crazy. Hopefully this is all just a weird head injury-induced dream. In any case I have determined to not tell anyone about it until I am sure. Mother has been fussing over me all day, and I don't want to make it all week.
Lyra
May 16th, 1991
Dear Diary,
I am now convinced that they are real memories. More come every night in my dreams, but they don't fade like real dreams when I wake. Worse, they seem to be affecting my current self. Yesterday I found myself reaching for my phone in my pocket several times. I'm a lady, I don't have pockets. Also, I shouldn't know what a phone is. They shouldn't even exist according to all I've been taught about muggles. Muggles are supposed to be backwater peasants constantly scrounging in the dirt. They shouldn't have a way to call each other like communication mirrors. And the phones did way more than that. I remember doing all sorts of things on that device. I played games, sent text messages to my friends instantly, and could look up information about anything on a device that sat in my hand. We don't have anything like that. If muggles are as advanced as I am remembering, we may be in serious trouble soon. How could they not know about us? I need to figure out if this is true, but how am I supposed to go to the muggle world without alerting Mother and Father? They would never allow it. I doubt I could even tell Draco, since he tells Father everything. I wish I could write everything down that I remember, but I feel like I need to keep up the act by only writing twice a month. It wouldn't do for Mother and Father to become suspicious.
Lyra
June 1st, 1991
Dear Diary,
I remembered something odd last night. I remembered reading a book series about Harry Potter. It couldn't have been real could it? The series makes no sense thinking about it. Harry Potter is being trained by Dumbledore himself. I know because Father complains about it at least once a month, about how he is being corrupted by light-sided ideals. Everyone knows that Dumbledore and his followers are doing everything they can to stamp out the old ways. They even celebrate muggle holidays at Hogwarts now. That is ridiculous. Of course, I have fond memories of celebrating those myself now, which is giving me a headache. What was I talking about? Oh, right, the Harry Potter books. In them he is staying with his muggle aunt and uncle before Hogwarts and they are the worst people ever. That is nothing like the pampered poster boy of the light that Father talks about. Of course, there is nothing wrong with being pampered as any proper lady should be. The problem is that they are teaching him the wrong sort of things. I'm sure the series was just coincidence.
Lyra
June 16th, 1991
The books were definitely about the Harry Potter. I remember more and more every night now. I loved those books so much. I remember being so disappointed when my letter for Hogwarts didn't come. Of course, there were two problems with that. One, I lived in the colonies, so I would have gone to Ilvermorny, not Hogwarts, and two I was a muggle, so no magic school at all. The books are messing with my head. My dear brother Draco is portrayed in such a bad light, and I have to consciously stop myself from thinking about him that way. I almost called him a ferret just the other day. My proper lady personality is slipping, and I am beginning to question everything my parents have ever said. I am not in the books, thank Merlin, but my family is portrayed on the wrong side, and I find myself agreeing sometimes. I don't know what to do. Plus, there is the whole question about if the books really are about the future, where did the muggles get them and why haven't we heard about this? Could they have seers too?
Lyra
July 1st, 1991
I feel like such an idiot in my previous entries. All I had to do to solve my quandary was remember the dates. I was born in my past life on June 2nd, 1995. I hadn't been born yet. I'm so stupid, my reincarnation must have been time travel or to an alternate dimension. Personally, I'm leaning toward the alternate dimension theory, because I'm sure that the magical world would have been found out in my last life with all the technology they had. Notice-me-not charms shouldn't work on CCTV after all. So here I am in a magical dimension, the magical dimension of my favorite book series of all time. I'm so excited to watch it all play out. I'm finding it harder and harder to act like the proper lady my parents expect me to be. Luckily, I have the muscle memory for it, so it is not too noticeable, just in my head. And poor Draco has no clue about the brainwashing we both have been through. Of course I know what is right or wrong now, and if the books play out like they should Draco will realize by 7th year, but why wait that long. Maybe I can steer him in the right direction earlier than that and he won't have to go through his crazy redemption arc. It is all up to me now; Lyra Malfoy to the rescue!
Lyra
July 16th, 1991
My Hogwarts letter arrived this week! SSSQQQUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEE! Sorry I had to fangirl for a moment there. I couldn't do that with my family. Nothing more than a polite smirk of course. Stupid posh pureblood family. Ugh! I now have more memories of being Jessica Anderson than I do being Lyra Malfoy. It's really hard to think of myself that way first now. Anyway, the letter said everything word for word like Harry's did in the books. It was the moment I had waited for when I was 11 in my last life. Apparently, I just needed to be hit by a van and reincarnate as Malfoy's twin sister to get my wish. Yeah, I died at 22, when I was fresh out of college. Hit by a van, reincarnated, remembered my past life by hitting my head. It's all rather cliché isn't it? At least this is Harry Potter that I ended up in, and not some Japanese light novel. We can't go shopping until July 31st because Father is too busy until then. Draco has been complaining nonstop about it. I, however, know that that is when he is fated to make an utter arse of himself in front of Harry Potter for the first time. In true fangirl fashion, I will be watching it happen and do nothing to change anything. I'm so excited. I really wish I could ask my questions to Olivander while there. Why do some people take longer to match, when others he can just look at them and hand them a wand? Why aren't there more brother wands, especially for phoenixes? Aren't phoenixes super rare creatures? Hopefully I can ask those questions, but I doubt it. I'll tell you all about it next entry.
August 1st, 1991
I met Harry Potter yesterday! We went shopping for our Hogwarts supplies and sure enough, while being fitted for our robes in walks Harry. He was waaaaay smaller than I expected. Super scrawny too. I guess the Dursleys really don't feed him right. Honestly, he looked so small and cute, but it is still really sad. His clothes were so big and ugly on him. I feel so bad thinking about it, but what could I really do? The worst thing I could do is bring him to my father to get him away from the Dursleys. I think I even saw a bruise on one of his arms. But still, the event happened. It was mostly similar to the books, with Draco acting like he owned the place and Harry feeling awkward. Except he kept staring at me, and when I would look, he would look away and blush. Did he get a crush on me already? Isn't he a little young for that? Of course, that could have just been me being there that changed things. Hagrid is huge though. Seriously the movies did not do his size justice. The books did say his hands are the size of trash can lids, and I guess I never really thought about how big that is before. The proportions are all off on him too, because even with how tall he is, he looks rather squat because of his girth. Seriously, like someone scaled Gimli up to the size of a cave troll. Honestly, I'm not sure how he could look so friendly and intimidating at the same time. It's an art.
After Madam Malkin's we went to Olivander's. My wand ended up being sycamore and phoenix feather, just like my Pottermore quiz said it would. I'm really impressed that it worked out like that. Of course, it took forever to get a wand that worked with me. I couldn't ask any of my questions because my parents ushered me out of the shop, complaining about how much time it took. It was a good thing too because I saw Harry going in only moments later. Apparently matching me took the entire time that it took him to do the rest of his shopping. I couldn't figure out why, but I have a theory. Olivander handed me dragon and unicorn wands first, and quite a few of them, before switching to phoenix ones. Maybe my theory of phoenix wands being rare has merit, so he only brings those out for tricky customers. No progress on the brother wand front, but maybe that is a good thing. People aren't supposed to know about brother wands, right? In any case I now have my adventure wand, and my Father is proud of me for matching a phoenix wand, even if he is upset about the time it took to do so.
August 16th, 1991
Hogwarts draws near and I am wracking my brain to try and remember things of this year. Of course, I'm not going to interfere. My Pottermore wand was correct, so I should be placed in Ravenclaw like I was there too. From Ravenclaw I will be able to fade into the background and quietly watch the events unfold. I will unfortunately miss my brother getting Harry a spot on the quidditch team, and won't be in Potions with them either, but maybe I can sneak off when the troll is released and see Ron defeat it or something. I don't know, but I really don't want to mess up the story too badly. I'm mostly excited to learn magic myself. I probably will be a total nerd, so really should be in Ravenclaw. My next entry will be at Hogwarts. At least there I won't have to keep up this twice a month routine and can write when something interesting happens. Wish me luck!
September 1st, 1991
I am so tired from the long day and train ride, but I have to write this. I can't believe I forgot, but Harry Potter is a girl… I remember now that it was always Harriet Potter, but I guess the books overwrote my memory. I didn't even notice until we were waiting for the sorting and she was wearing a skirt. I guess the short hair made me think otherwise, but I did mention how cute she is. She is totally girly, just with short hair. How could I be so stupid. But that's not even the worst part. The worst part is that if this story is about Harriet Potter, then I am not in the Harry Potter books. If this story is about Harriet Potter, then I have been reincarnated into a Harry Potter fanfiction.