A/N: This story takes place after the movie (obviously) and mainly holds to canon, except that Coulson is not dead! He's not! I refuse to believe that, the man is a ninja! Anyway, enjoy and review, it will make me happy... :}
1) Rage Against the Machine
You vicious bastard!
I kicked the heavy piece of duct-taped equipment, then promptly dropped into a kneeling position, swearing as pain coursed through my converse-clad foot. Apparently, the movers had forgotten to take one extremely cumbersome yet also extremely essential monstrosity with them when they moved Jane's things into the giant and shiny "Avengers Tower." Long story short, I, the unpaid intern, had to lug, not only all of Jane's luggage up to her room, but now I was responsible for taking the Enormous-Metal-Impossible-to-Carry-POS-of-Doom all the way to SHIELD headquarters!
Normally, I didn't like to whine, it took up time and grated on people's nerves. Nobody cared anyway. Still, I couldn't help but feel a little bitter. Ever since Mr. I-Am-a-Blonde-Hunky-God (but not really because he's actually an alien) suddenly showed up in New Mexico to sweep his "Lady Love" off her sleep-deprived feet, the couple had been attached at the hip. Which wouldn't normally be a problem, except that Tall, Blonde, and Godly came with an entourage of scary guys (ipod stealers) in MIB suits who explained that Jane was being relocated to "a more secure location" where she would be able to continue working on her research with some of the most brilliant minds in the world. Or something like that, I, by that point, had tuned out, too busy trying to keep my replacement ipod out of sight. Jane had detached her mouth from where it was glued to Thor's long enough to agree before she was whisked away, leaving ME to pack up everything, including her clothes!
"Stupid, worthless, piece of junk!" I hissed as I rubbed my aching toes right as the doors to the super shiny and efficient SHIELD elevator dinged open.
"Eh, I've been called worse."
My head snapped up to where Tony Stark stood framed in the doorway, dark head cocked slightly to the side as he took in the sight of me wearing enough knitwear to supply a small country, crouched on the metal floor, glaring balefully at a large object that was as much metal as it was duct tape, and rubbing my foot. He smirked.
"Do I need to separate you two?"
"He started it," I muttered, scrambling to my feet. Stark's smirk turned into a grin.
"They always do. What're you doing in here anyway?" The billionaire asked as he smoothing stepped into the lift, taking a place on the other side of The Bastard, as I had decided to name it.
"Escorting the Duct-taped Wonder to Jane's new lab, but he's refusing to come quietly."
"Did you consider citizen's arrest?"
"Eh, talking to it is one thing. If someone walked in on me handcuffed to it, people might think I'm kinky."
Stark laughed. "I like you, you can stay. Jane's lab, huh? You Foster's girl?"
"Coffee Minion, Maker of Kickass Playlists, and Bringer of Poptarts," I announced imperiously.
"...You're an intern, huh?"
"Yup."
Stark laughed again as the doors dinged open and stepped out onto the floor. "Come on Minion, Foster's lab is this way."
I bent and lifted the heavy piece of junk into my arms and staggered after the billionaire who had kindly returned to press the button to hold the doors open.
"You know," I huffed. "A gentleman...would have...offered to...carry this for...me..."
Stark snorted. "Well, if we see one, I'm sure he'll ask, now keep up!"
After what felt like several hours (why are there so many corridors!), I finally staggered into a bright and shiny new lab.
"Yo! Foster! Where do you want the Duct Tape Terror?"
"Mmmrrmmph?" Jane mumbled, still bent over a stack of papers that were practically covered in...math.
"Ugly Duct- Tape thing," Stark repeated. "Where d'you want it? Better answer quick before it flattens your Coffee Minion."
"Oh!" the physicist snapped out of it. "Just put that anywhere! What took you so long Darcy?"
I didn't so much drop the machine as collapse with it to the floor. Panting, bent over on my knees, I looked up at my rapidly approaching boss through the curtain of my dark hair. "Sorry. New York traffic man, I'm telling you..."
"Traffic! I thought you'd be flying!"
"My arms got tired."
"Darcy! Well, at least you're finally here!"
"My trip was fine, thanks," I said drily, used to Jane's demanding, slightly ungrateful behavior. "You need coffee, or a pop-tart, or something?"
"Mmm?" Jane was now tutting over the machine like a mother hen. "No, I'm fine."
"When's the last time you ate?" I raised an eyebrow, already sure of the answer.
"Umm...that's not important."
"Uh-huh. I'll be back in a few." I turned to Tony. "Thanks for showing me how to get here. Say, d'you know if SHIELD keeps pop-tarts anywhere?"
"What?"
"Pop-tarts. Candy-coated toaster pastry? Do you know if anybody has 'em? They make Jane happy...and I don't honestly think I can get her to eat anything else," the last was said in a stage whisper.
"Umm...no, I don't think so. Unless Fury's been holding out on us."
"Ok. Looks like I'm going out to buy some then. See you when I get back. Try not to work too hard. It'll be awkward to resuscitate you."
I didn't see, but I'd bet that Jane rolled her eyes.
I hadn't even made it across the lobby before catastrophe swooped down upon me in the shape of The Ipod Stealer (insert appropriate theme song here)
"Miss Lewis," Mr. I-Never-Wear-Anything-Other-Than-a-Suit-and-Yes-That-Includes-to-Sleep began.
"I would like to see you in my office at eight a.m. tomorrow morning." (cue ominous music!)
"I didn't do it!" I summoned my best look of wide-eyed innocence and turned it full force on Coulson. Honestly, I have no idea where all that jello came from...
He almost smirked. "I'm sure. Tomorrow morning."
"Fine," I huffed, pressing the button for the elevator.
"I wouldn't advise being tardy. Director Fury isn't known for his patience."
"Well, with a name like that..." I muttered. "Hey, you don't by any chance know if there are any pop tarts here, are there?"
Coulson blinked, processing my question I guessed. "...I believe that there are some in the break room. Thor is known to become...peckish."
I snorted. "Yeah, I'll bet. Thanks, I wanna make sure Jane at least eats something before I turn in tonight."
"I see. The break room is on the fifth floor," he stepped into the elevator that had just opened, holding out a hand when I tried to follow him.
"What gives!"
"I'm afraid that you don't currently have access to the floors I am traveling to at the present time. The stairs are right next to me though, to be used at your discretion. Good evening Miss Lewis!"
The doors slid shut leaving me staring at my distorted reflection. Jerk!
I pushed open the door of the stairs and gaped in horror at the seemingly unending flights of stairs ahead of me.
"Alright," I told myself. "We tased a god and helped defeat a Destroyer...we can climb some stairs no problem!"
Twenty minutes Later...
Can't breathe...lungs going to collapse!
I leaned heavily against the railing of the fifth floor landing, gasping for air. My closest layer to sweater felt like it was sticking to my skin and my chest was on fire. I wasn't meant for this level of strenuous exercise, dammit!
Finally, once my panting was under control, I pushed open the door and set off down the hall.
"Break room...break room...break...Aha!"
I quickly walked in and opened the nearest cabinet. Cups.
The next one. Fruity teas and some kind of powdered algae mix.
The next one. Bingo! Sugary goodness!
I quickly pulled a blue box of poptarts down onto the counter and withdrew a shiny packet before putting the rest of them back on the shelf. I stared down at the confections sitting innocently on the counter. To toast, or not to toast...that was the question!
Eh, I'm tired, and don't feel like looking for plates anyway, Jane shall have to content herself with the shiny wrapper.
I left the break room and looked around for an elevator, but didn't see one. Not wanting to run the risk of getting lost, I stayed on the same hallway, but eventually gave up and returned to the stairs. To Jane's Lab!
Well, it took me thirty minutes to find Jane's lab, another ten to drag her attention from science, and nearly twenty to force her to eat both pop tarts and down some coffee.
"Jane, make sure you go to bed sometime, okay?"
"Hmm,"
"I mean it! I don't want to have to knock you out again!"
"Hmmm..."
"Jane," I whispered conspiratorially. "I'll bet that if you go to bed, the science will still be here in the morning..."
"Hmm."
"Dammit Foster!" I gave up, slumping into one of the uncomfortable lab chairs. I was tired, but I couldn't leave Jane here by herself. She could set herself or someone else on fire...again.
I plugged in my earphones and set it to "All Nighter" Playlist.
Same story, different town. Good to know some things never changed.