My Isekai Fantasy Adventure Is Horrifying, Unexpectedly
Oregairu belongs to Wataru Watari and ReZERO belongs to Tappei Nagatsuki! Please check out their work before my own
Author's Note:
Remember what I said about only four stories? Well, I lied. Fate X Oregairu just didn't flow right, it was a nice idea but the pairing just didn't work out in the long run in my mind. As the previous one got some mixed results I decided to post one more idea that wouldn't leave my head after reading Monster of Logic (the Touhou crossover, the ridiculously good one), and after noticing there are no ReZERO x Oregairu I took upon myself to rectify the situation. Depending on how this is received, I will continue to update this and my Fate X Oregairu will be spontaneously updated or vice versa. We will see!
*Important Please Read!
Originally, this was going to just have canon Hachiman inserted in, but after reading "My Stay in the SOS Brigade is Not as Wrong as I Expected" (A Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya and Oregairu Crossover) I decided to, uh, 'borrow' that timeline's Hachiman (*inconspicuous whistling noises). The effects of this change will only be extremely important towards the Sanctuary Arc but it is important enough for me to warrant the early warning.
Grand Order Rant:
In other news, I am now in the Camelot Singularity...and I am getting my ass kicked left and right! I mean seriously! Gawain, the first and second encounter, was pulling hax moves left and right! I just fought Mordred in the East Village and that was just ridiculous! I've spent the last few days power leveling my Arturia Archer to level 93, almost 94. I intend to get her to level 100, do some quests in the Halloween event and get my other main characters up to third or fourth Ascension AT LEAST before I continue that shitfest! God, I was getting slapped!
End Rant
Anyway, enjoy the story. Review so that I can know what I'm doing wrong, I will try to PM everyone and answer comments to the best of my ability. Remember, constructive criticism is useful, and flaming is just the sign of a total lameoid.
EDIT: So I fixed up some things, made the character interactions flow a bit more, and repaired the foreshadowing failure I had last time! Hope you enjoy it while I work on chapter 2!
Chapter 1: My Isekai Fantasy Adventure has Started Wrong, as I expected
Society. The great beast of burden that came about after two human beings (or perhaps Neanderthals) of moderate intellect came together and said "Gruh Gruh", which translates roughly to "Bro, want to hang out and survive dude?" and "Ugh" which translates to "Yeah man!" all while the less able humans died out. Thus began the ancient battle between the Loners or Riajuu...except all the loners died out since they are alone in a time where saber-tooth tigers were still alive. Damn riajuus!
Ignoring that icebreaker completely, we are taught that the formation of the 'society' was one of history's most important points (despite this event being, ironically, prehistoric) when learning history. Ignoring the blatant propaganda being pushed by our corrupted machine known as 'government', I have to wonder what is so great about society and civilization in general?
Before sedentary agriculture came around, most humans lived in small tight-knit communities. Often just a single-family or two, sticking together for survival. Limited social interaction and limited work. Truly, the ever distant utopia if there ever was such a thing.
Despite what those rabid venom spewing serpents we call 'teachers' may say, most of the terrible things that we associate with the modern era only came about after we settled down in one area and farmed. Slavery? Well, people needed other people to work the crops because THEY sure as hell didn't want to do it! In a hunter-gatherer society, slavery would just mean extra-mouths to feed!
Gender equality? While perhaps not equal, in a hunter-gatherer society it was the women who were often in charge of social gatherings and the more intellectual side of their community while the men hunted and did other things that men did. Not to mention that the mixed diet of hunter-gatherers was far healthier than dependence on one crop! Add in the famines and plagues that affected those agricultural societies and it makes me wonder why anyone thought farming was a good idea!
And yet, perhaps the most disturbing thing about society is how they've all managed to 'evolve' in freakish similar ways with the same problems. Isolated civilizations in areas like Egypt, the Middle East, and even the contentious zone of petty rivalry that is Europe, all managed to grow as civilizations independently ( for the most part ) before their meeting. And yet, every time, there was a king, an emperor, or a pharaoh. Someone who stood on top, and like always there were those on the bottom.
Such is life. And we silly worms must resign ourselves to becoming cogs in this twisted world's machine. At least, I was to be until I found myself isekai'ed to another world. Wasn't that an abrupt transition?
I had been so worried about the Gods of Romantic Comedy that I never stopped to ponder the real enemy, the Gods of Isekai Fantasy. Truly, the greatest plot twist of the millennia.
And so begins my isekai adventure. I hope Zaimokuza isn't writing this, for the love of [Insert God/Goddess that will listen to my prayers], just let it be anyone other than Zaimokuza...or Ebina...all I ask for is an average writer at the very least Kami-sama!
0 Emilia 0
The silver-haired half-elf raced through the bustling streets of the Capital, chasing after the minute traces of the thief that had stolen her insignia. Had they stolen quite literally anything else, perhaps she could've found it in herself to let it go, but they had stolen her insignia. Without her insignia, the idea of her being trusted enough to win the throne was laughable at best, and ludicrous at worst. And without winning the throne, then Roswaal wouldn't help her-
No! Thinking about even the possibility of failure was unacceptable. With childlike determination, Emilia ignored even acknowledging losing the throne as an option. She had to win! In her introspection, she had entered a state of semi-awareness of her surroundings. Perhaps this was why she ended up tripping and falling face-first on the stone ground.
Her nose hurt and her eyes began to tear up. She had just tripped in public! Ignoring Puck's rancorous laughter inside his crystal, Emilia picked herself up and wiped off the light coating of dust on her dress before turning around and seeing what exactly she had tripped upon.
There was a body lying there with an odd sort of bag on his back, completely motionless face on the ground. Had she not tripped and instead bumped into this person? No, if she had bumped into him, she would have fallen back and not forwards. Was he dead? Considering all the people walking around callously she doubted it.
And the slight groan emanating from the body also proved that he was, at least for the moment, still alive. Emilia was a respectable, and well-mannered lady to be and as such, she decided to apologize for her rudeness. Plus, perhaps he had seen the thief who had passed through this sidewalk?
"My apologies, good sir, for bumping into you." Emilia spoke with an air of nobility that distinguished her from the common rabble, "Might I ask if you have seen a thief of some sort, of small stature and ragged dressing run past?"
"Mhhhh." What?
"Actually, may I inquire why you are lying here like this?" Even the homeless people of the Capital tended to sleep in alleys or somewhere where they weren't likely to be stepped on or tripped over.
"Will you not ask if I tell you no?"
Emilia pondered the question,
"No, I must ask you some questions sir!"
"Then fine, after getting here I got over-excited and thought I had some super powerful isekai powers-until a blonde little midget rammed into me and knocked me off my feet." The boy on the ground stated monotonously, as if we were simply discussing the weather, "I then realized that I had no special powers and am probably going to die here so why bother? So I didn't bother to get up and I am currently waiting to be run over by one of those giant lizard things."
"I've heard of a lot of strange, and pathetic stories, but this might take the cake!" Puck stated, appearing over Emilia's head, "What a sad creature you are...though considering that stench on you perhaps this was the best possible solution."
"Puck!" Emilia shouted, "Don't be so rude! No one should just curl up and die!"
"Whatever you say, Lia, " The cat-like spirit off-handedly replied as he pondered for a moment, "Hey, you could be Lia's meatshield! An improvement over roadkill huh? Also, doesn't that blonde person who ran into him sound like the thief who stole your insignia?"
Overloaded by the influx of information from Puck, Emilia nodded dumbly before realizing what exactly he had said.
"Puck, you can't just ask someone to be-"
"I'll do it."
Both Puck and Emilia turned to the boy, who now pulled himself off of the ground and into a standing position. The people around them simply walked around, occasionally shooting a spiteful glare at Emilia and a look of fear in the boy's direction. At first, the second thing would be hard to understand until you saw his face.
While most of his features were, arguably, quite handsome; it was off-set by his eyes. These eyes resembled some of the fish that Puck loved to occasionally munch on. Most people would find these eyes to be repulsive or at the very least unsavory, but Emilia was an odd girl.
She began to blush.[1]
"Do I get free room and food for this oh so glorious job, Puck-sama?" The boy bowed mockingly, upon looking at Puck he seemed mildly surprised but nothing more. Was this his first time seeing a spirit like Puck?
"Of course! Your job as the meat shield is to take all the damage coming to Lia when I'm not around, got it, Tuna boy?" Puck! Don't be so rude! Emilia was gradually becoming more and more embarrassed.
"The name is Hikigaya Hachiman." He paused, thinking for a moment, "Last name Hikigaya, first name Hachiman."
"Why did you say your first name after your last?" Emilia asked, tilting her head curiously as her blush faded slightly.
"That's how my people introduce ourselves, I think…"
"You think? Perhaps your eyes aren't the only thing like a fish, with your goldfish memory how can I expect you to even remember to protect my daughter?" Puck teased, circling Emilia as she covered her face in shame and her spirit and Hachiman's banter.
"Well, I can't remember anything after waking up a couple of minutes ago...so, it's more like a one-time thing, I hope."
Both Puck and Emilia stared at him with wide eyes.
0 Hikigaya Hachiman 0
Most people who know me would be surprised by my casual acceptance of the flying mini-cat's offer (wasn't that phrase Yukinoshita's wet dream, heh). After my brief period of accepting my death and waiting to be run over by a giant lizard, I had been introduced to a lifeline in the story! A Plot Device! A silver-haired elf ( I am guessing elf, considering the ears but it is probably best not to assume things) chasing after a thief!
Not to mention it was probably that same rude girl that had knocked me over earlier, so I had even more motivation!
Lying about amnesia was, unfortunately, the most ideal situation. Explaining the concept of Japan in a new world where Japan likely doesn't exist is utterly pointless and will likely lead to more trouble down the road. Not only that but now my lack of knowledge regarding anything in this world could be conveniently excused!
"Do you remember anything before the last few minutes?" The silver-haired elf girl asked as we entered a rather empty area of the city. Speaking of which, I needed to learn her name as soon as possible. Fact: the longer you knew someone without knowing their name, the more awkward it is to ask them (Source: Me).
"Well, I remember how to breathe and speak," I replied sardonically. Looking at the blushing mess that was the elf girl, I began to sympathize with the likes of Isshiki and Haruno. Teasing people was surprisingly entertaining! "But other than that I do understand some basic concepts, but the vast majority of where I come from and what the history of whatever this place is, is kind of lost on me. What's your name?"
"U-uh my name?" The girl stuttered, she seemed in shock, "My name is...ghm...Satella!"
As she said the name both Puck and her watched me closely as if to gauge my reaction to the name. So it was a fake name with some important tie to society. Pretty smart, if I reacted at all then I would have been lying. However, it was a bit of a silly move out of context considering I had already heard the flying cat reincarnation of Yukinoshita call her 'Lia'.
I must've passed since Puck nodded to 'Satella' who was relieved. Was lying to someone that difficult for you?
As I gave them both an evil eye to show just how much I believed their little deception I continued to talk.
"Ok then, 'Satella', why exactly are you chasing this thief so intently?"
"Why wouldn't I chase a thief who has stolen from me?"
"For starters, based on your dress and the way you speak you must be on the richer end of the spectrum, there is no way she stole your life savings or anything, so she must've stolen something more important than money."
Puck and 'Satella' shared a glance where some silent conversation was waged between the two. After a brief silence as we walked across the bridge, 'Satella' finally responded.
"She stole my insignia, there is a certain...competition that I need to win. Without the insignia, it is impossible for me to even believe my already low chances of victory are real."
Competition? Trying to foreshadow, are you Author-san? Rather on the nose, don't you think? And so we spent the rest of the afternoon searching the inner city and eventually the outer area for signs of this loli-thief. Along the way, I realized a rather irritating fact. I couldn't read the written language, while I could speak it just fine. What was with the half-assed insert! Maybe Zaimokuza really WAS behind this, managing to write a good beginning but having a good sense of plot, literature, or sense of self to continue the story probably. NO! I refuse to accept that reality!
It was as we were crossing the bridge to finally enter the slums that I voiced my thoughts
"She seemed rather poor since we know her appearance and that she'll likely be in the slums of the city, can't we just let the guards handle the rest?" 'Satella' squirmed slightly.
"I can't really depend on them due to personal reasons." Fantastic. So then how were we going to hunt this elusive thief down? Wait...a young maiden discriminated against by the masses, yet with her honest and hard-headed stubbornness pushes forward the plot against any opponent imaginable? Not to mention a surprisingly level of social awkwardness? Could she not just be a Plot Device but...the Protagonist?
"Whatever you two decide on, please hurry it up. After nightfall, I won't be able to help you."
"Why not?"
Puck lazily glanced at me as he sat on 'Satella's head.
"I might not look like it, but I'm a Spirit ya know! It takes a lot of mana for me to materialize and even use my powers, so I need some time to rest and recharge my mana supply inside my Yorishiro. A nine to five schedule is the ideal one for me!" Ah, the life of a corporate slave, even in this world we are bound by jobs and regulations that society and by extension, reality, impose upon us! Protagonist-chan and the Corporate Slave fighting crime in a magical fantasy world was a light novel I was willing to pay good money to read.
"Please stop that." The cat spirit was staring at me with a look of bewilderment, "You had this disgustingly satisfied look on your face, I was terrified!" I was split between being offended and slightly pleased that I had managed to terrify a magical spirit. I decided to stick with mostly offended.
"Well, if we don't have any other way we should just ask people in the slums if they know this person." Puck and 'Satella' nodded in agreement.
"My biggest worry is you, Tuna Boy, I can't tell what those delicious eyes are thinking, who knows what lecherous things you could be thinking about." Under no circumstances was Puck to meet Yukinoshita. The ironically named United Loner Alliance that was every loner in existence would be utterly demolished by the Puck Theocracy and the Yukinoshita Empire.
"So you claim little squirrel -" I ignored the exasperated growl from the diminutive little flying shit with my LVL 100 Apathy "- but these eyes of mine will only gaze upon one thing with any sense of pride or attachment, my little sister...and MAXX Coffee, I suppose."
Why are you two shooting my such a disgusted look?
"I feel even less uncomfortable leaving Lia with you now!" Did you misunderstand my words? How dare you assume that I have such dark thoughts about the being from Heaven that is my Komachi! I am willing to bet good money that heaven is filled with flying Komachis and Totsukas wearing togas and having glowing halos over their head!
'Satella' believes in me right?
"Hachiman, please let me handle all negotiations okay?" Et Tu Brutus? Why does everyone think I'm so creepy? Am I truly Envo from Space Break?[2]
As we walked and bantered, we wasted two and a half hours asking around for a blonde, troublesome thief. In most isekai, the informant just 'conveniently' appears out of nowhere. You don't see that one guy from [insert isekai anime here] having to ask around a dump for information for the entirety of an episode.
"A troublesome blonde thief? You must be talking about Felt then." I had used my greatest card in my Hikki-Arsenal, the secret anti-Yukinoshita skill, the mythical 109th skill, Hikki-Pathetic-Kun. My ragged appearance and dirtied clothes meant it would seem as if I was robbed by the girl and thus it would force even the vilest of souls to assist me, though the effect was diluted by my eyes and by the fact that I wasn't a pretty girl. Okay, so Hikki-Pathetic-Kun was a bit of a bust considering all it did was give more ammunition for Yukinoshita's cruel words, but it worked on this guy so suck it!
"If you lost something to her, it's probably in the Loot House. It's where stolen goods are tagged and stored for the owner to sell as a third party and mediator." What a strange system. Oh well, these people were the ones who set it up so they likely know what they are doing. What a surprisingly optimistic thought on my part, perhaps my time in the Service Club was finally showing?
"Don't expect old Rom to just give it back to you though, you're going to need to barter and negotiate to get it back." That makes sense. In most anime and manga, the criminal rich area tends to think that you only get robbed due to your ignorance so it makes some kind of sense. Probably.
I shared a glance with 'Satella' as we walked towards the loot house with the directions from the poor fool I managed to sucker earlier.
"Does this insignia look valuable, maybe we can get it back cheap?"
"It has a gem in the middle."
Well damn. In a fantasy setting, imitations weren't likely a thing so this meant it would be treated as the real deal. Well, I had a trump card in that case. Hopefully, we didn't have to come to that though, I liked my phone and when I got back to Japan my parents would likely kill me if I lost my phone. I idly thought about my acceptance of the situation. I should be panicking or somewhat terrified by this situation yet I was acting with a surprising amount of calm, detached logic.
Logic dictated that I was still in denial then, a strange paradoxical thought that I could be in denial while acknowledging that I was in a state of false denial. As my musings came to a rather complex point, we finally reached the loot house.
"Isn't this a bit risky?" I asked, hesitating slightly as we approached the door, "It's dark...and kind of gives off some spooky vibes."
"I-it doesn't matter! The insignia must be recovered." That would be so much more believable if you weren't even paler than usual and shaking Protagonist-chan! Oh well, I doubt I can convince you to not go into the creep as all hell warehouse huh, well then I better enter first.
Swinging the door open and charging in like a good meatshield, I barely managed to stop myself from vomiting. On the side of the wall was an old man, most likely this Rom person everyone was talking about. His internal organs were visible from the large gash in his throat and abdomen. It didn't take a genius to figure out what happened here.
Gagging down the bile, I looked around and my already distraught mind was struck by another horrifying sight. The annoying, rude, lively girl who had rammed past me lay dead. Bifurcated like the loaves of a sandwich and discarded like common trash.
And then came the pain.
Pain was not something new for Hikigaya Hachiman. Emotional pain from his ostracization and subsequent acts of self-sacrifice. Even physical pain from being hit by a limousine and having his leg broken wasn't new to him. None of these even came close to the pain of having his stomach slashed open. His intestines and stomach almost sagging out as he dropped to the floor like a marionette that had its strings cut.
Hearing 'Satella's shout of surprise and then scream merely confirmed the worst possible ending to the situation but his mind was focusing on that. It was dealing with the overwhelming pain and agony his body was currently in. And with this pain came all the emotional stress and shock that was his upheaval from Chiba and his family, friends, and his life. What a sucky sense of timing.
As 'Satella's body fell behind mine, the last reaction this dull body had was to grasp her hand. And in death, to not be as alone as he had in life. With a spluttering cough, the self-proclaimed 'Monster of Logic' held the silver-haired girl's hand and stared at the strangely scandalous dressing of his killer. The woman who gazed down at the scene before her with a smile devoid of malice.
It was the most terrifying thing he had ever seen and ever would see. And then he died.
And then, with a gasp, Hikigaya Hachiman woke up in the middle of a bustling street in the middle of the day.
0 End Chapter 0
Glossary:
[1] - SPOILER WARNING: In the Light Novel of Arc IV, it is stated that Emilia thinks her 'Mother' (her aunt on her Father's side technically), Fortuna, is the perfect, most beautiful woman. She has a mean, scary eye look to her which is one reason she doesn't mind that about Subaru. In Hachiman's case, it just makes her subconscious more nervous around him. It had no romantic meaning...yet.
[2] - SPOILER WARNING: Based on my own research, Space Break is not a real manga. Rather it is the fictional manga that Subaru uses to compare Regulus' Authority of Greed to in Arc V. This is just some foreshadowing, nothing else...probably.
Author's Note: Whew, this was a doozy. Most time I've ever spent on a chapter. I had to redo this four or five times. And no matter what I did, the chapter was just too fast-paced for my liking. Chances are that after I get a few reviews I will reboot this before sending out a second chapter. As for pairings, well don't expect any big romantic developments until at LEAST Sanctuary. Originally, Emilia wasn't even going to be a possible love interest until I got towards the end of the Arc IV Light Novel and I found out a little tidbit about Emilia that just made it so that it was possible (I will explain later if it interests anyone). I am looking forward to writing this story in regards to Arc V, better start hyping Regulus V. Hachiman as soon as possible!
If Rom and Felt's death is slightly different, well blame the butterfly effect!
This chapter is a bit fast-paced, but after this, it should slow down quite a bit. The first chapters are always the most rushed for me. Chances are after the first batch of reviews I will revise this chapter to be a bit more natural (again), but this is my fifth re-write okay? The first three were only the introduction while the fourth was almost twice as long as this but was pretty much a copy-paste of the canon story.
Remember to review! Constructive Criticism and compliments help me grow as a writer. Things like just saying it sucks without explanation are flaming. People who simply flame are just leeches on society. As long as it isn't a flame, then I won't delete your review (in fact, if it is a flame, at most I will either delete it or just ignore it completely)