A/N: I really cannot believe I'm posting this…

Summary: "Mama, have you ever wondered what it would be like to go back to my age with all the knowledge you know now in your life?" A question asked by her daughter, on her sixteenth birthday, seems to have triggered it to actually happen. Or has it? Quinn hasn't the faintest idea. All Quinn knew was that she was no longer in her own bed in New York, where she had gone to bed the night before, and now she is suddenly up chucking for no reason at all! Quinn hasn't the time to figure out if the situation she finds herself in is real or not, let alone how or why it is happening, she is just too busy trying to stay one step ahead so she isn't overwhelmed by her past that is now her future!

Warnings: Please be aware there are going to be quite a bit of reference to child abuse as well as domestic abuse: emotional, physical and mental. Suicide and self harm will be apart of this story as well. There will be homophobia and sexual harassment as well as various kinds of bullying. While I don't really think there is an abundant amount in this story, profanity and vulgar language is certainly going to be found in this story.

Please be aware that I do not pay attention to where these potential triggering points might be in the story, so I will rarely post another warning about them in the future, so please take this warning seriously.

Background: Please note that I am playing with time in this story, so inherently things will be different. On top of that MY season three and four is not canon and should be disregarded as a whole. As anyone that has read my work would know, I only write AUs, so please do not expect anything close to pure canon.

Disclaimer: Glee and any and all products, businesses or brands used or spoken about in this story are not mine. I own not even one piece of them in stocks, and I am not profiting from this story in any way shape or form. This is written purely for my own entertainment, and decided to let you all join in on the fun.

So Enjoy! ~

"With Wisdom and Knowledge…"

Prologue

Mama, have you ever wondered...

by: Jaely

"Mama, have you ever wondered what it would be like to go back to my age with all the knowledge you know now in your life?" Quinn smiled over at her daughter as she reached out and lightly combed her fingers through Naomi's hair. Quinn's daughter, Naomi, just turned sixteen and the family was out celebrating at the girl's favorite restaurant. As Quinn looked at her once little girl, she took in how much she was growing to look so like her other mother. Her rich mahogany brown hair – that had a slight wave to it – pouty lips, tan coloring, and slightly larger than average nose, all reminding her of the love of her life.

Though if you asked her wife she would be quick to point out that their daughter had just as much of Quinn in her, with her soulful hazel eyes, facial structure and over all height matching that of Quinn. That thought made Quinn smile a bit wider, if anything else Rachel Barbra Fabray, her wife of twenty years, was ecstatic about, was the fact that Naomi was not going to be short like her. No matter how much Quinn would protest that Rachel was the perfect height, the smaller woman would never believe her.

Quinn focused back on the question her eldest daughter posed and shrugged slightly as she leaned back into her chair thinking the question over. Both she and Rachel tried to take every question posed by their five children seriously, even if it seemed silly when it was asked. Quinn ran her hand through her long blonde locks out of force of habit. After she had cut it off at the end of their junior year she had let it grow back and never cut it that short again. Though there have been times she has missed the simplicity of the 'wash and go' method of hair care the shorter hair afforded her, it was never enough to actually let someone take shears to her hair again.

"Yeah, I will say the thought has crossed my mind from time to time, and it would be interesting if it were possible, though only if I was able to keep all of the knowledge and wisdom that I have now." Quinn winked at Naomi ignoring the unladylike snort that came from her wife's direction.

"What would you do differently, Mama?" Rebecca asked softly from beside Rachel. Eleven year old Rebecca was almost the spitting image of Rachel, from her nose, hair, eyes, and bone structure all the way to the girl's height, though to be sure they will have to wait a few more years to see if she will grow more, but Quinn was hoping that she would continue to take after her other mom.

Quinn smiled at her middle child and then spoke directly to her without hesitation, this was something she didn't need to think too much about because she actually knew what would be the first thing she would change about her past if she had the chance. "I would have treated your Mom better and allowed myself to acknowledge my love for her sooner." As Quinn finished she looked lovingly over at her wife to find Rachel smiling softly at her in return. Quinn figured that Rachel was thinking about all the abuse that she had put her through back in high school and how different life would have been had Quinn had just been herself back then and let her love for Rachel come out from the beginning.

"You weren't always nice to Mommy, Mama?" Zoë piped up, her soft little voice sounding sad and confused at the same time. Zoë was their youngest child – at five years old – and almost a carbon copy of Quinn herself at the age of five, except for the fact that Zoë didn't seem to have the same problem with weight as Quinn did when she was a child. If Zoë kept growing up like she was now, the only difference physically would be Zoë's larger nose, which is very much like Quinn's nose was before her nose job. Which Quinn often said at least Zoë would fit in with everyone else in the family in the fact they all had larger noses due to both hers and Rachel's genes, none of their children would escape it.

Quinn looked down to her right where Zoë was sitting next to her and gently put her arm around her little girl's shoulders, hugging her close to her side as she said sadly, "No baby girl, I wasn't always nice to your Mommy. I used to bully her and call her mean names every day in our freshman, sophomore and a large part of our junior years in high school. It's something that I regret still to this day, even though your Mommy forgave me a long long time ago."

Quinn kissed the top of Zoë's blonde head and rested her chin there as she looked again over at Rachel, who was still smiling lovingly at her. Rachel's eyes showing all her love and devotion to Quinn and their family in that single look. Quinn knew that even though their life had not been an easy one it was worth it in the end. It's not like she would ever have the chance to go back and fix her past mistakes, so Quinn took solace in the fact that Rachel forgave and loved her like she does and Quinn would never take that miracle for granted, for as long as she lived.

"Did you hate Mama, Mommy?" Leah asked softly, looking between both her mothers, worry clear in her eyes. Quinn knew her little eight year old was trying to understand how they ended up loving each other if she had bullied her other mom so much in high school. Leah had come home crying a number of times because she herself was being bullied and called names and she really disliked the girl's that were doing it. Leah was a soft spoken child with glasses and milk chocolate colored eyes like her mommy's. Leah was a complete mix of the two of them physically. So she was a very pretty little girl, but she tended to hide behind baggy clothes and her books. Being extremely shy and intelligent, Leah didn't seem to be able to fit in with her peers or make friends easily, her intelligence and shyness often intimidated her peers. She didn't like her hair long so she asked to have her light brown hair cut to just below her earlobes that gave her a bit of a shaggy look more often than not, which her peers also made fun of, as well.

"No baby, I never hated your Mama. I was mad at her a lot and sometimes scared of what she would say or have done to me, but I never hated her." Quinn winced slightly at Rachel's words. She hated the fact that Rachel had ever feared her. They had decided a long time ago to be completely honest with their children when it came to questions that they were asked, even if the question made them uncomfortable or were hard to answer.

Quinn watched her wife across the table stroking Leah's head gently, knowing what Rachel said was true, even though it was something that she herself could never understand. Even though Rachel had her own faults – to be sure – and sometimes those faults still annoyed her, Rachel was never a bully and was always so quick to forgive, even when Quinn felt she shouldn't have.

"Mama, what about Beth?" Quinn looked at Lilith startled by the question, but before she had the chance to ask what she meant, Lilith continued. "I mean would you change things with Beth? If... you know... were able to go back and be your sixteen year old self with how you are now?" Lilith clarified. Lilith – their second eldest at twelve – was another overly intelligent child. Though unlike her younger sister, Leah, Lilith loved the attention she could get from being smart and talented.

Lilith was a beautiful girl, with long dirty blonde hair, that had a beautiful natural wave to it and bright emerald green eyes. She was growing up to show she will most likely have Quinn's body type, complexion, athleticism, and height, along with a beautiful voice like Rachel's and both their intelligence to top it off. Though, unlike Quinn or even Rachel, Lilith had an innate ease with people and herself. Which allowed her to make friends very easily, as she was surprisingly a very kind, compassionate, and selfless girl, though being the daughter of The Rachel Barbra (née Berry) Fabray she could be a diva at times. Though, that was a fact of life that Quinn fully expected to happen, on occasion – from each of their daughters – no matter what their normal temperament was. This was something that usually put a smile on her face, much to Rachel's playful and mocking annoyance.

Quinn sighed and gave a slight shrug again, but she still gave an answer anyway. "I really don't know sweetheart. As you know, I've never regretted having Beth. She, just like each of you, is perfect. Though, I will say, I regret some of the choices I made during my pregnancy with Beth. Along with a number of the things I allowed to happen while I was carrying her, and if I had the chance, I would try very hard not to hurt as many people as I had ended up hurting at the time."

Quinn's gold flecked hazel eyes met Rachel's rich mahogany gaze again, though this time Quinn bore a frown on her beautiful face as she thought about all the pain and ridicule she had brought down upon the woman she loved so dearly. Rachel, though, only gave her a beautifully soft loving smile, somehow seeming to know the conflict that was raging within her wife's mind and heart and mouthed 'It's going to be ok, Love.' Knowing that talking about that time in her life was still difficult and that Quinn needed a bit of reassurance, especially senses they couldn't physically touch at the moment..

Thankfully, the conversation from that point on turned to different, much lighter, topics for the most part; each member of the family just enjoying each other's company for the rest of dinner. Rachel had taken the night off from the show she was currently starring in, on Broadway; stating that the understudy needed a bit more exposure anyway. Though anyone that really knew Rachel, were fully aware that her priorities in life completely changed upon Naomi's birth. The moment that little bundle of life was put into Rachel's arms, after she had cut Naomi's umbilical cord, had been life changing for Rachel. It was like her eyes had finally been opened up to the true meaning of life and happiness, as Rachel laid the mostly cleaned off little life – Rachel and Quinn had made – onto Quinn's bare breasts, so Naomi could have her first meal.

From that point on Rachel's family became her first priority and each contract she signed for each show, after Naomi's birth, had a clause in it to allow her to take the time off for her family. There were some grumbles at first and a few directors and or producers that would not accommodate Rachel's demands, but the industry soon found out that not having Rachel Barbra Berry as their star was so much worse than having to give her time off for her family. After all, Rachel was a star and she proved that a hundred times over, each time she sold out a performance in whatever show she happened to be doing at that time.

Rachel had worked it out so she would have off two days a week. Always on the slowest nights that the show would run for, and those were the days her understudy or the other Actress that was dual casted for the part got to do the show. It really depended on the production if the role was dual casted or not. It made things easier if they were, so Rachel would already have built in time off, because the other star would have her contracted amount of days to run as well. Rachel at current had an understudy, as her role wasn't dual casted, so her understudy acted like a Dual Casted star because of how Rachel's contract worked.

Rachel would perform in every evening performance, Thursday through Saturday and the matinee showing on Sunday. Her show didn't run on Mondays so the evening performances for Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesday were done by her understudy. Even during the period of rehearsals for a new show she would have off those days so she could be with her family. Over the years together Quinn would always match her days off from her studio to whatever days off were in Rachel's contract. At first it had been difficult because she had been working for someone else and was still working her way up the ladder, so to speak, but Quinn always found a way to make it work back then.

Now Quinn didn't have to worry about a boss or asking for time off, she could just make her own schedule as she needed it. Sometimes – like tonight – where an event or emergency would pop up, that would require both of them to take off from work, so they could 'take care of it,' was the hardest part for Rachel to work into her contract at first. Mainly because most people thought Rachel would inevitably take advantage of this clause, but Santana had worked her legal magic and made it work in the end. Not to mention the fact that Rachel is too much of a professional to pull stunts like that.

During the first show, after Naomi was born, Rachel solidified her reputation as an honest and true professional, providing she was worth every demand in her contract. Not only was she always on the ball during rehearsals she was there to help the cast and crew. She would be on hand to guide her understudy, or even help other cast-mates run lines, or if they just needed a friend to listen to them, she was there and willing to be there for them as well.

By the end of that show's run Rachel proved what a star she was, with sold out shows every night she would perform. Even her understudy ended up with just as many top sales and sometimes sold out nights as well for the days Rachel wouldn't be scheduled to perform. Many of her understudies had move on to star into shows of their own because of their exposure during their time as understudies' to Rachel's characters. Quinn always believed they did so well because Rachel was so free with her help and kindness. Though Rachel wouldn't even contemplate the idea that it had anything to do with her. Early on in their relationship, Rachel's selflessness towards her cast and understudies was surprising, but after experiencing that same kindness aimed at herself and learning how Rachel had finally found a balance between confidence and humility in her own talents Quinn soon understood.

It was during the run of Fiddler on the Roof that Rachel had to use the family emergency clause in her contract, once and only once, it was the second show after the new clauses had been added to Rachel's contract. Naomi had ended up in the hospital – when she was ten months old, because she had a really bad fever from the sudden onset of the flu – a few weeks after the show had opened to the public. Rachel ended up needing to be out for four days, but she called and spoke to the director everyday to make sure everything was going alright. Once Naomi was able to go home and was doing better, Rachel dove right back into her role and it was like she was never gone. From then on Rachel was one of the most sought after actresses, asked to do shows on Broadway, as well as Hollywood movies and even TV shows, to this day.

Quinn on the other hand didn't have as much to worry about, career wise. Even though she had made a name for herself pretty quickly, as an up and coming entertainment photographer, once she started at Columbia for her sophomore year. She never really had the same demands on her time that Rachel did after she was 'discovered.' As a matter of fact Quinn got to spend a lot of her time taking pictures of 'the new up and coming Broadway starlet' Rachel Berry, for the first studio she had worked for.

As the studio Quinn started with had the publishing contract with the theater that was putting on the musical Rachel was doing at the time, as well as several other entertainment media outlet contracts that needed a number of pictures of Rachel at various events, news articles, and plug-ins for entertainment magazines and TV shows, and as they were dating at that time it made Quinn's job oh so easy to do. In fact Quinn had such unprecedented access to Rachel that no other photographer could 'seem' to match, needless to say Quinn got promoted rather quickly within the studio. It greatly helped that her work was actually quite beautiful and innovative.

In fact, Quinn was able to do a number of legitimate spreads that Rachel and Quinn had both planned out, to show the amount of access to Rachel that Quinn had over other Photographers, along with showing off Quinn's talents as a photographer herself. Not only did those various spreads earn Quinn respect within her own field and promoted her faster than what would have been normal. It opened the door for other Broadway, and even Hollywood stars, to reach out and personally request Quinn by name to be their photographer for their various publicity and even personal photo shoots.

By the time Quinn was starting her senior year at college, Quinn Fabray had a reputation of being ultra respectful and discrete with her subjects and their private lives. She ensured that no one on her staff ever gossiped or passed on any information they might have learned about any of their subjects, whether directly or indirectly. To Quinn, a subject's privacy was of the utmost importance to her and she made sure it was of the utmost importance to her staff, because she herself understood as she had to deal with the media in her own life, due to her relationship with Rachel. It made her the perfect photographer for the job in the minds of many other famous people.

At this point in Quinn's photographic professional life, she has decided to branch out in her style of subject matter. Well artistically, she had always taken pictures of and filmed more than just famous people. Now she has decided to allow these works to be seen by more than just family and friends. In a week, a collection of her new work will have its first showing at a Gallery in soho. Everything that had brought her to this point in her life had been running through Quinn's mind as she stood in their house looking at one of the landscape shots she had done years ago, hanging framed on the wall of the hall in front of her. She was waiting for Rachel to finish with her good nights to Leah so they could go to bed.

"I'm so proud of you, ahavah." Quinn hears Rachel say softly. Her wife's hands travel up and over her back and shoulders just to caress back down and wrap around Quinn's waist, hugging her from behind tightly. "Your show is going to be amazing Quinn and you will see how much your art will be loved by everyone who sees it." Rachel continued as Quinn linked their fingers together where they rested over her stomach. The intimacy between them always came easily, once Quinn had stopped pushing Rachel away from being friends. They showed their affection through touching each other very quickly after that – even while they were just friends – and that hasn't changed over the years of their marriage. If anything they touched each other much more freely and often, just to feel connected and the comfort of having the other so close.

"Ani ohev otach, Rachel Fabray, with everything that I am." Quinn softly whispers as she turns in her wife's embrace to kiss her softly. When Rachel repeated her own vow of love back to the blonde, Quinn picked the smaller woman up in her arms. Rachel's impossibly long legs wrapping around Quinn's hips as the blonde carried her wife of twenty years to their bedroom, to show the smaller woman just how much she truly does love her with every fiber of her being.

I hope you have enjoyed this and continue reading! ~Jaely