I never really gave much thought to strong feelings. Love, hate, sorrow, terror, euphoria. None of them. Sure, I'd liked boys. And there were people I'd disliked. I'd been sad. I'd been scared. I'd been happy. Oh, had I been happy. But never had I ever felt such strong emotions, or so many of them at once. Never had I felt the twisting of my stomach muscles when I was head over heels in love and heartbroken at the same time. I'd never gone through the experience of feeling such immense terror shoot through my veins. I'd never felt so euphoric in all my years. There was nothing—no one—that could make me feel quite like they did.

Whether it was love or just pure teenage lust, I might not ever know, but I know this: I wanted them. Oh, how I wanted them. It seemed so unfair that I might have to choose. It seemed so goddamn cruel that I'd have to leave one of them behind. I never intended to inflict such heartbreak on myself, on them. But you see, things don't always go as you intend. You make a wrong move—a stray step—and then your whole plan, your whole life, is in shambles.

I liked hot chocolate, and rain days, and reading by the fireplace. I liked studying, making good grades, and making my parents proud. I lived for achievement and goals and academic success and no one, not even myself, ever thought I'd find myself caught in the middle of some vacuous teenage love triangle. But hey, I guess I can cross that one off The List. "Mess around with best friends; bonus if points if they're brothers."

I guess I'm not surprised. Hermione Granger lives for extra credit.

It was early in the winter of my sixteenth year, my fifth year at Hogwarts, when my friend—by obligation of the fact that we'd stuck with each other for so long and been through so much together and alright, I guess I sort of do like him—Ron Weasley suggested that I was "inexperienced" in life. And I suppose he was correct. Actually, I know that he was. I was sixteen years old and had only once kissed a boy. Granted, this boy was a world famous quidditch star who was a good three years older than me. Nonetheless, one boy. One kiss. And that was about as fair as my romantic experiences went.

Maybe it wouldn't have been all that bad if Harry hadn't agreed with him. Sure, they were just joking around like guys do. Making fun and whatever, but it still hit a sore spot. I'd never been exactly the most popular with guys, in fact I wasn't popular with them at all, and I knew that. It was due to my impossibly bushy hair and my knack to snap at people so quickly and my over tendency to be a complete smart ass. So, it wasn't some huge mystery as to why I wasn't raking them in.

You'd think that they'd be a bit more sensitive, but I really wasn't surprised. They were teenage boys, which is roughly the same thing as 14th century barbarians. I'm wasn't so much hurt by what they said, as I was enlightened. It's what made me write The List.

You see, I'd read somewhere that if you come up with everything you want to do in your life, whether it's silly petty stuff or huge important stuff, and write them down in a sort of list then it will help you to subconsciously start achieving them. I knew it was the kind of stupid mumbo jumbo stuff I was so adamant about disbelieving in, but there was something that made me do it. So I wrote the list and it was pathetic as you'd expect. Full of stuff that most girls my age had already done and would laugh about as if it were nothing.

Kiss another boy

Fall in love

Get my heartbroken

Mess around with best friends; bonus points if they're brothers

Sort out my god-awful hair issue (Even though I was quite sure that one would take more than a semi magical, wishy-washy, list to fix)

Mistake lust for love

Mistake love for lust

Experience The Big Heartbreak (as in the number one heartbreak you feel. Everyone has one. That one heartbreak that you're sure you will never recover from. The one that will make you feel as if the entire world has stopped spinning)

Fall back in love

Forgive something unforgivable

Break up with someone over something trivial

Kiss in the rain

Kiss somewhere outrageous

And that was where I'd finished my for the time being. It was late and I was feeling pretty pathetic at that point, so I went to sleep. Hoping and praying that somehow, this would work.

The train ride back to Hogwarts after Christmas Break was always my favorite. There was still a Christmassy feel to the air, but instead of turning away from my favorite place on earth; we were headed back to it.

I sat with Harry and Ron in a compartment just the three of us like we normally would. Ron was going on a tangent about quidditch that I was completely blocking out and that Harry was only half listening to. I tune in just in time to hear Ron wrap up his speech with, "All I'm saying is that I think we can bring home the cup this year. I just need to get my crap together and Ginny needs to keep hers together."

"Ginny's doing just fine," I spoke up. I didn't know much about quidditch but I knew that Ron gave his younger sister too hard of a time.

"Yeah, I know. I'm just saying that we'd be having a hell of an easier time if Fred, George, and Harry had just kept out of trouble."

Harry shrugged. "Malfoy had it coming. He deserved a good knock to the face and I don't regret giving him one," he said bitterly. After the first game of the season, Harry and the twins had gotten themselves "banned for life" by Professor Umbridge for attacking Draco Malfoy, but you'd be lying if you said the little git didn't deserve it.

"I don't really know if quidditch should be your main concern at the moment, to be honest," I said to them both.

"Hermione! I'm not losing the Cup to Slytherin this year! There's no way I'm letting Malfoy have that to brag on about. Besides, what should we be concerned about then?" Ron said.

"I don't know. Maybe the evil witch of a Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher we have or maybe the impending rise of You-Kno—"

Harry shot me a look and I sighed and said, "Voldemort." Ron gave a tiny shudder. I rolled my eyes and Harry held back a little chuckle.

"But honestly, Hermione, we shouldn't worry about any of it. I mean, yeah, be prepared, but there's no point in worrying ourselves about it all. And we've got old Umbridge under control."

I wanted to continue on about how we were hardly close to safety after what had just happened to Ron's dad, but I decided to let it go. There was no point in arguing. It would only lead to trouble. I settle for an unsatisfied sigh and Harry grins.

"You know, 'Mione. I'm just glad you didn't say we should be worried about our OWLs again," Harry said, the grin still on his face.

"Well actually you should be, Harry. There's no way you're going to get that auror job you want if you don't—" I stop talking at the sound of Harry and Ron's laughter. Despite myself, I break into a grin as well.

Halfway through the train ride, I leave the boys to themselves and go off to find Ginny. I find her sitting in a compartment with a few fourth years, one being her current boyfriend, Michael Corner. I honestly had no clue what she saw in him. She could do so much better. She was gorgeous, smart, funny, and powerful. Plenty of guys were interested in her. The only problem she'd even begin to have was her brothers and she could easily give them a good Bat Boogey Hex and send them on their way.

I realized in that moment, that it was a little pathetic. My only girl friend was Ginny Weasley, a fourth year that I only through her brother, which was one of my two other friends. It wasn't the first time I had found myself amongst a group of fourth years that I didn't know and didn't really care to.

"Hey Hermione! What's up?" Ginny said, a smile on her face.

I shook my head slightly and blinked slowly, trying to act as if I had forgotten my reason for coming to talk to her. "Um…Nothing. I'll catch up with you later. I've got to go," I said, backing out through the door.

I heard Ginny saying goodbye to my back as I walked down the hall. I pretended as if I was looking for someone, trying to seem a little less pathetic not just to the outside world, but also to myself. I accidently bump into a body as I'm walking with my head down. I snap my head up, apologizing rapidly.

"It's all fine and well, Granger. But hey, you could always repay me by helping me out with something, eh?," said an unmistakable voice. I looked up to see the face of a freckled, red headed, frantic looking Fred Weasley standing in front of me, a black plastic bag filled with something that couldn't be good. When asked by a Weasley twin if you want to help them with something, you should almost always say no.

I knew that I was about to be dragged into some stupid immature joke. I knew that I should say 'no thanks,' and walk away before I found myself in trouble. But then I thought of all the things I hadn't done. All the trouble I hadn't been in. I thought of all the stupid things that normal people do everyday. I think of all the hours I've wasted reading that someone else has wasted doing something not so remarkable.

"Yeah okay. Why not?"