God's Retarded Rejects

Chapter 1: What The Fuck

It was an absolutely normal day in the life of people around the world. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the grass was swaying in the gentle breeze. To sum it up, all was well. Well, everything but one thing...

"You Fucking piece of SHIT," came the low growl of Mir, "Did I fucking tell you or did I fucking not? Why the FUCK aren't you doing what I told you to?" Angry spittle flew out of his mouth with each furious exclamation, landing on Kami's quivering face. He cringed away from Mir's finger that punctuated each curse with a hard jab to Kami's chest.

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU NOT DOING WHAT I TOLD YOU TO, YOU FUCKING SON OF A FUCKING BITCH? MY WORD IS FUCKING LAW, DO YOU UNDERSTAND, YOU STD-RIDDEN WASTE OF SPERM AND VAGINAL DRIPPINGS?!!!!" said Mir, calmly, "OR AM I NOT BEING CLEAR, YOU ASSHOLE?!?!" he continued pleasantly and quietly.

"I do, I do. Sorry, Mir," Kami replied, "I give you my word."

Now, for one to make such a promise would probably result in them keeping it. A word given should be unbreakable, you know, yadda yadda. However, something had failed to be mentioned. Kami is a rather ingenious man, quite intelligent and driven. For him, any goals that he put in front of himself must be achieved, no matter the cost. Thus, he valiantly sacrificed his health and well-being and plowed on, regardless of any and all hardships that would plague his life after that choice.

Who am I kidding, Kami was a ho.

Regardless, he jerkily nodded his head in agreement with Mir's calm and collected (!!!) words and agreed to keep everything to himself.

"So, do we have an understanding?" Mir asked while raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, we do, don't worry. I gave you my word," Kami replied while rolling his eyes, "Not like I'm gonna walk up to the first person I see and run my mouth."

"We'll see. However, remember that I'm keeping an eye on you. One fucking word and you're done, understood?"

"Yes, calm down. Can I go now?" Kami frowned in annoyance, "I have some rather important things to do." His eyes darted to the Futa archive for a second before regaining their focus on Mir's face.

"Of course. Go ahead," Mir answered.

Kami turned on his heel and marched away in long, confident strides. He almost reached the archive before a loud and resounding BOOM rocked the entire building. Kami didn't have enough time to even blink before he dropped down like a ragdoll, motionless, his eyebrows furrowed and mouth agape in confusion.

"YEAH BITCH, FUCK YOU," Mir cried out, stowing away his sniper rifle, "TRY LEWDING MY FUCKIN BITCHES AGAIN YOU WHORE," he bellowed while teabagging Kami's cooling corpse, "GET CABANNED RETARD, WOO-HOO!!" He skipped away with a mad glint in his eyes, cackling maniacally all the way. He'd stop by random passerbys occasionally and screamed something about tyrany and totalitarianism in their faces.

Barely five minutes passed after the incident, Kami was still lying on the ground, quite uselessly in fact. Can't even make fertilizer out of a body. Mir was nowhere to be seen already, for he skipped away into the fields of sunshine and daisies and rainbows and butterflies and death and blood and pain and gore and incest and whatever else people like. Oh, and pets as well.

"What the fuck," was the collective thought of, well, everyone.

NEXT TIME, SOMETHING EVEN WORSE.

WELCOME TO SHIRO'S GAMING OMNIVERSE!