When Olivia walked through the front door of her apartment, it was blissfully quiet. The quiet sound of TV came from the living room – the only sign of somebody else's presence in the apartment.
"I'm home," she said, even though she was sure he heard her come in.
"In the living room," came a reply.
Olivia dropped her handbag on the counter, took off her boots and placed her jacket on the rack. Exhaustion in her bones, she walked into the living room, where her partner was sitting comfortably on the couch. He had a half full bottle of beer in front of him.
Without any warning she practically fell into the couch by his side, she leaned into him and breathed heavily.
"One of these days?" he asked casually.
She nodded against his chest. Elliot wrapped his arm around her casually, he kissed the top of her head and held her against him. "You're home now," he said, "I've got you."
Olivia made a sound of approval in her throat.
Elliot took his bottle of beer and sipped that casually. "Do you want beer or glass of wine?" he asked.
"Both," Olivia replied. She snuggled closed to him, her eyes closed. "But I also wanna be dead weight in your arms," she admitted.
He chuckled. "My arms are open for you.," he said.
Elliot emptied his bottle of beer, put the empty bottle back on the table and wrapped his other arm around Olivia as well. He ran his fingers in her hair, he knew how much she liked that, to soothe her mind.
"You wanna talk about it?" he asked.
She shook her head. "I just wanna stay here and forget about this day," she said with tiredness in her voice.
"Yeah, I can help you with that," Elliot said, he pressed a soft kiss against her hair.
Olivia breathed heavily, lifted her head from his chest and leaned over to kiss his lips. There seemed to be a bit desperation in her kiss, but he chose to ignore it.
"I'm so glad I'm home now," she breathed out heavily.
Elliot moaned appreciatively. "Me too."
"I think I need a long shower tonight," she said.
Elliot nodded understandingly, he'd expected as much. Yet Olivia was not aware that he was one step ahead of her already.
He made a quick move to get up from the couch, he held his arm out for Olivia, who voiced her disappointment, but she still took his hand and let him help her up.
"After you wash this day away, we can pick it up in the bed," he said and kissed Olivia's forehead.
He led her to their bedroom and then opened the bathroom door. He was grinning like a fool, when he led Olivia inside. He had prefilled their bathtub with hot water, that had cooled down a bit, he put some Epson salt inside and filled it with bubbles. There was a glass of red wine on the counter waiting for her and opened bottle next to it. Elliot was rightfully proud of himself.
Olivia kissed him again. "How did you know?" she asked.
"Cragen called, he said you had a tough day," he explained. "I figured a bath would make you feel better."
"It will definitely help," she agreed.
Elliot kissed the side of her head, he held her against him, he hummed and swayed with her. Olivia closed her eyes. "I love you," he whispered.
"I love you too," she replied naturally.
Elliot kissed her hair again, then pulled away from her. "Now it's time for you to relax and wash this day off," he instructed.
Olivia nodded.
"I will be in the living room, just give me a shout, if you need me," he said, kissed her forehead again and turned to leave, and Olivia followed him. Once in the bedroom, Elliot turned around and questioned Olivia with his look.
"My gun, I need to take it off and put it away," she said and pointed at her hip, where her service weapon was holstered.
Elliot nodded and left her to take off the weapon. Elliot hadn't touched a gun ever since his retirement and Olivia usually tried to put hers away before she got anywhere near him.
He got himself another beer and took his seat on the couch, unconcerned for Olivia. He turned the TV down and continued watching a baseball game that he didn't have much interest, but there was nothing else to watch. After 20 minutes he heard Olivia call for him. He turned off the TV.
Elliot walked over to the bathroom, where Olivia was. She was still in the bath, her body was fully covered by the bubbles, only her head was visible over the water. The wine glass was empty.
"Yes, dear?" he asked and raised an eyebrow.
"I missed you," she admitted sheepishly.
Elliot smiled. He kneeled next to the bathtub, leaned over her and kissed her. His one hand slipped underneath the bubbles and found its way around her waist. The water soaked into his t-shirt.
"Will you sit with me?" she asked innocently.
Elliot nodded. He sat next to the bathtub on the floor, his back against the wall next to her head.
"More wine?" Elliot asked at the sight of empty glass of wine.
"Please," Olivia said with a sigh.
Elliot poured another glass and realized that half of the bottle was gone – Olivia had had more than just one glass of wine. He wasn't too concerned with getting Olivia drunk. He handed her a new glass of wine.
"Did Cragen tell you what happened?" Olivia asked and sipped the red liquid.
Elliot shook his head. "He just asked if I was seeing you tonight and then said that you had a tough day," he said. "He also said that you'll have tomorrow off and it's nonnegotiable," he added with a smile.
Olivia swallowed.
"I think he just wanted to tell me not to let you go to work tomorrow," he joked.
Olivia smiled. It was actually probably the real reason Cragen had called Elliot.
"Do you wanna know?" she asked cautiously.
Elliot shrugged his shoulders. "You can talk about it, if you want," he said.
"I don't wanna talk," she said quickly, she took another sip of the wine.
"Then don't," he said and offered a smile.
Olivia breathed heavily, she drank the rest of the wine and placed the glass on back to the counter. She turned herself towards Elliot, who leaned towards her expectantly, but Olivia retreated before she reached Elliot.
"I'm soaking wet and covered with bubbles," she explained.
Elliot rolled his eyes, got to his knees and pulled Olivia against him in a hug. "I don't care," he whispered. "Even if you were covered in green paint, I would still hug you," he added with slight mock annoyance in his tone.
She laughed. Her hands made wet marks on Elliot's back, the water soaked into his t-shirt and dripped onto his jeans.
"I would totally climb into the bathtub, you want," he said.
Olivia nodded and sniffled.
"Okay," Elliot said instantly. Momentarily he released her, took his phone from the pocket of his jeans and without a second thought climbed into their bathtub with his clothes. He was on the opposite side of Olivia, but he pulled her slightly and she curled herself into him.
Some of the water splashed over the edge onto the floor, and bubbles soaked into Elliot's clothes – showing her just how much he cared about keeping his clothes dry. She clung to him, her breaths became elevated – he knew she was trying to hold herself together.
"I've got you, it's okay," he whispered.
That did the trick and Olivia let the dam break. Elliot felt the salty tears against his neck, she was sniffling and holding onto him for dear life.
He whispered how everything was going to be okay and that he'd be there, but other than that he was content in waiting for Olivia to let everything out and go from there.
And she cried.
He knew it must've been a really hard case for her to completely lose it. In his mind Cragen had done the right thing by giving Elliot heads up and Olivia a day off.
"I don't think I can do this anymore," she whispered.
"Okay," Elliot responded, masking his surprise at her confession.
"I mean it, El, I don't think I can keep doing this," she continued.
Elliot nodded. He kissed the side of her head with affection. "Then don't," he whispered.
Olivia released him, she moved her head from his shoulder to face him. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and studied him. "You'd be okay with it?" she asked hesitantly.
"Yeah," he responded easily. "I want you to be happy." He wiped the new tear about to fall and kept his palm on her cheek. Olivia leant into his touch.
"You'd still love me, if I'd retire?" she asked for confirmation.
Elliot lifted his back from against the bathtub and went for a kiss. He covered her lips with his and did his very best to kiss every doubt about his commitment she might be having. "Liv, I love you no matter of your job title or employment status," he said firmly.
She relaxed some.
"Yeah, we could be retirees together, watch TV all day long and go see all the places we always wanted to. We could go on a cruise and see the world," he continued with a smile.
Elliot kissed her again, his arm around her back.
"Okay," she whispered.
"Okay," he repeated.
Elliot ran circles with his palm over her bare back, partially underneath the water.
"We'll be okay. You'll be okay," he whispered.
Olivia nodded against Elliot.
"And I'll be here," he said soothingly. "I'm too old to be looking for a new woman," he joked.
Olivia chuckled a bit.
"Going grey already," she added.
Elliot pretended to be hurt for a moment, then laughed with her. "See, you don't need to worry about me," he concluded. He kissed her hair.
"You're really not gonna hate me?" she asked for clarification. Olivia lifted her head from his shoulder and glanced at Elliot.
"No," he said easily.
Olivia leaned over for a kiss, she pressed her lips against his with desperation. "I don't wanna lose you," she admitted.
"I love you, babe, you're stuck with me," Elliot replied with a smirk. Despite the fact that he never liked seeing Olivia this vulnerable, it was reassuring to hear that she might reevaluate her job, but she isn't thinking of dumping him – she was looking for assurance that he'd stay.
"I'm scared," she said.
"That's okay," Elliot assured her. "Sometimes I'm scared to, we can be scared together." He offered her a smile.
Olivia nodded.
"Let's get out, the water is getting cold," she decided.
Elliot agreed and held her arm, helping her stand and then step out of the bathtub. Elliot stood behind her, water was dripping from his clothes. He unzipped his jeans and let them fall into the bathtub, then took threw his shirt into the tub as well and stepped out in his wet underwear. He grabbed a towel to dry himself off, then got rid of his boxers too and wrapped the towel around his midsection. He let the tub drain, he figured he would deal with his soaking clothes in the morning.
Olivia stood in front of him, she had dried herself and the towel was around her just above her breasts. She didn't make a move to leave the bathroom, she had another glass of wine in her hand.
Elliot leaned into her from behind and wrapped his arms around her midsection, she covered his hands with one of hers. He moved her hair to one side and kissed her exposed neck. "You smell nice," he commented. He continued kissing her bare shoulder and shoulder blade.
Olivia shivered. She drank her wine.
"Babe, are you okay?" he asked, his lips still hovering over her skin.
"No, I'm not," she said with a heavy breath. Elliot lifted her head and Olivia turned towards him. She kissed him, she tasted like wine. "But you're making it better," she said.
Elliot pressed his lips against hers again. He tightened his hold around her midsection, he pressed himself tight against her. He broke the kiss and moved back to kissing her neck and shoulder. Her breaths became shallow and fast.
"Tell me what you want," he whispered huskily.
"You," she said, he kissed a sensitive spot on her neck and her breath was caught in her throat. "I want you, Elliot," she finished, she downed her wine.
His pulse hiked; it was almost like hummingbird's thumping against his ribcage. Without losing his tender touch and gentle approach, he kissed her lips.
Olivia turned herself around so she was facing him, while their lips remained locked together. She placed her wine glass on the counter, then held his head between her palms.
Slowly she took a step back towards the bedroom, Elliot followed her actions and like that they reached the bedroom.
Olivia undid the towel around his waist, it fell to the floor around their feet. Elliot repaid the favor and released the towel covering her. She lowered herself to the bed, Elliot followed her with his body, he was on top of her.
Elliot pushed himself up and temporarily created distance between them. "Are you sure, Liv?" he asked with arousal heavy in his voice. His piercing blue eyes were lusting after Olivia, but the last rational part of his brain pulled the stops. "We don't have to, if you don't want to," he added.
"I want you, El," she replied with equal amount of arousal in her voice.
He smiled and closed the distance between them. He kissed her neck while his fingers played with her long curly hair. "Sweetie, I don't wanna take advantage of you," he confessed in a whisper against her ear.
"You won't," she replied instantly.
"Liv, you're emotional and quite possibly a bit drunk," he reasoned, while he lifted his head to take a good look at her.
Olivia tilted her head. "I know what I want, I want to make love to you," she said firmly, reassuringly.
She ran her fingers over his muscular back, while Elliot kissed his way down on her body until he reached her clit. She widened her legs for him, Elliot lifted her thighs over his shoulders. He kissed her core first, then opened her mouth and used his tongue to pleasure her.
He was not disappointed, when she lifted her back from the bed and moaned. He used his fingers to help her, he heard her breathing speed up and become heavier. He did not stop. His tongue moved expertly on her clit.
He felt it. He felt her back arch, her thighs tense up, her breathing stop and heard a sharp release of breath. He felt the contractions of her inner walls. Without stopping he looked at her and he saw the way she threw her head back, undoubtedly her eyes were closed and his name was on her mind. No, she was not in a habit of screaming his name during sex, he occasionally heard her mumble it, but only a few times did she actually shout it. Her hands were clutching the sheets beside her – sometimes her fingers would find their way into his hair or she'd hold them on his shoulder. They would guide him, but he rarely needed instructions anymore, in the beginning of their romantic relationship, she was giving him a lot of guidance, she told him what she wanted, how she wanted it and what she expected from him. After years together he read her body well enough to know what she expected and then follow through.
Her body relaxed, her breathing slowed, and she released the sheet she was gripping. He licked her clean, lifted her legs from his shoulders to bed and climbed back up. He left a trail of saliva going from her center until her neck with a few detours to her breasts, where he savored the moment.
Elliot kissed her, Olivia tasted traces of herself on his tongue, it mixed with the wine on her breath.
"Do you want another one with my mouth?" he asked seductively. He wouldn't mind it either way, it was his job to make her feel loved tonight, so she was going to get whatever she desired. If that meant that he'd go down on her all night, then that's what he was prepared to do.
She shook her head.
Elliot kissed her again, his hands moved to her back, his fingers were in her hair. Their bodies were close – face to face, chest to chest, stomach to stomach. His erected penis poked Olivia's inner thigh, she widened her legs in response. Olivia couldn't taste herself on his tongue anymore.
Elliot moved his fingers down her body again and touched her sensitive clit and rubbed her gently. She didn't shiver at his touch, occasionally she did. His lips trailed wet kisses along her neck and shoulder. As he felt her wetness against his fingers he moved onwards and entered his fingers.
She exhaled heavily. Olivia wiggled her hips, but Elliot was certain it was involuntary. He kissed her neck tenderly. "Are you ready?" he asked, never stopping the movements of his fingers.
"I'm ready," she said. Her breathing was speeding up again. Elliot kissed her pulse point on her neck, he felt the pulsations against his skin, he felt the way it was steadily speeding up again.
Elliot pulled out his fingers, he took his erection in his hand and gave it a few pumps. She covered his fingers with hers, he removed his, she mimicked his actions and pumped him a few times. His body tensed. Elliot closed his fingers around her hair and pulled.
Olivia guided him to her opening, she widened her legs further and Elliot slowly entered her. She gasped, she held onto his back and felt his muscles flex underneath her fingers. He stopped when he was fully inside her.
His lips found hers and kissed her hungrily. It was almost like a dormant lion inside him had woken and suddenly wanted to get out of him. It wanted to have Olivia – to kiss, bite, thrust, to dominate her, to pound her into oblivion and roar victoriously over her. He ignored his sudden urges, he pushed them back down for now and settled in wrapping his muscular arms around her and holding her against him. He rocked his hips in circular movements. She gasped into his mouth.
She returned the rocking movement with her hips, he took control of the situation and started thrusting. His movements were slow and tender, he moved his hips consistently over hers.
He broke the kiss, placed his hand on her jaw and moved her head to the side, exposing a whole new area of skin to ravish. Her hand found his, he intertwined their fingers, he pressed them into the bed next to their heads.
"How's it for you?" he asked, his breathing was fast, he was almost panting. His consistent strokes touched her deeply.
"Yeah, getting there," she replied.
Elliot was satisfied with the reply. She moaned.
Olivia moved her hand from his back to her clitoris and started rubbing herself, when Elliot placed his free hand on top of hers. "Let me," he whispered. Olivia removed her hand and wrapped it around his back again, his now sweaty muscles moving underneath her palm.
"It's okay, I've got you," he whispered and pecked her lips. "Let it go, Liv," he added seductively.
Olivia released a loud heavy breath, she pushed her head back in anticipation. He knew she was very close, he didn't change any of his actions – his thrusts remained steady, his fingers on her clit were as gentle as ever and his lips on her neck were mimicking the actions of his fingers.
"Oh, fuck, El," she cursed with another heavy breath. And then her hips arched, her fingers grasped his skin almost painfully, but his lips reacted quickly and covered hers. Her body tensed, yet it felt like she had lost any control of herself and for a brief moment he could do anything he wanted. He didn't do it though, he helped her ride out her orgasm.
And then it was over.
Elliot stopped touching her clitoris, he moved his hand to her side, on the bed. He released his lips and looked into her eyes. "I love you," he said and kissed her again.
His pace changed for the first time, he sped up briefly chasing his release and then slowed down after finding it until his body became completely still. The lion inside him roared. All the tension left his body and he relaxed, he fell onto her and he panted against her neck. His breath was hot and fast.
He was coming down from the high, so was she. Their skin was sweaty, their bodily fluids were on their pelvic areas.
"I love you too," she panted.
Elliot smiled. He kissed her shoulder – the only sign he heard her.
"I love the way you know just what I need, the way you make me feel loved," she continued.
Elliot chuckled proudly. "Stop, you're making me blush," he joked. He pulled himself out of her, hovered over her, before rolling to his back.
He pulled her against him, wrapped his arms around her and held her.
"I don't ever wanna lose that," she finished, it wasn't like her to be this vulnerable or vocal about her feelings.
Elliot was proud of himself, he was happy to hear those words from her. "It's easy with you," he replied. "I'm in love with you and I want you to feel how much I really care for you," he said gently.
"So, you'd love me even if I was a plumber?" she asked.
He smiled. "Even if you'd spend all of your days in sewage, I would still love you," he replied easily, and like that erased some doubts about his commitment she might've had. "But the question is, would you love yourself, if you weren't a detective? Could you be okay doing something other than getting justice?"
"Maybe," she said. "I don't know," she added and sighed.
Elliot kissed the top of her head. "Good thing is, that you don't have to figure it out today. And you have a whole day tomorrow to think it through. And if you need more time, I can call the Captain and ask him to give you a few more days," he said.
"And if you really wanna quit, I will be there with you as you hand in your retirement papers," he promised.
Olivia nodded against his chest. "Thank you," she said.
"But for now, you need some rest, everything can wait until tomorrow," he decided.
"Yeah, tomorrow," she agreed.
Elliot turned off the bedside lamp, and in a joined effort the got the blanket over them, it was time to rest. He wrapped his arms around her – come what may, he was not about to let her leave her spot in his arms.
***SVU***
And I just wanna love you
Don't wanna lose me
Don't wanna lose you, whoa oh
If it gets harder
Then I don't wanna break all alone
I wanna break in your arms
Christina Perri – I Don't Wanna Break