A reader request. Jiraiya, consumed with guilt and sorrow, takes on the role of Hokage after Minato and Kushina die. He's sad and feels very alone. He meets reader, who is blind and unknowing of who he is. Desperate for someone to treat him like a person and not a leader, he lies to reader about who he is.
Another day... another day just... going on. Jiraiya leans on his elbow with his fist propping his head up. He stares blankly at the paper in front of him. The pen he's holding has been hovering above the paper in the same place for like an hour now. All the words on it have blurred together. He sighs and drops the pen.
Jiraiya slumps in his chair. He's not sure what he wants to do. Sleep? He hasn't slept in like a week. Eat? He's not all that hungry. Everything tastes like paper anyways. Go home? The elders will have a fit if he leaves early again. He swivels around in his chair to look out the window.
It is a nice day out. The sun is shining. The sky is clear. It's gonna be a hot one. His eyes look up to the structure he now dreads. The Hokage Monument. The stone faces that he once looked up to he now despised it. Seeing his face carved up there was bad enough. Seeing it carved after his recently deceased student just tasted vile. His head began to hurt just looking at it. Like someone just popped a straw into his brain through the top of his head like a juice box. Maybe a walk will reset his head. Anything is less depressing than sitting around in the estate all day.
Jiraiya stood up slowly. Casting a glance to the side, he frowns. The coat hanger by the desk is holding his new robe, which he refuses to wear. Even seeing the words "The Fifth" makes him nauseous. Seeing it embroidered on a robe meant for him was worse. The council keeps insisting he wears it. He hasn't even touched it since he started here. Nor does he wear the bright red and green haori hakama set he usually adorned. Black is for mourning... who knows if he'll ever stop grieving. He can't ever see himself smiling and meaning it ever again. It was hard enough to pretend to be okay already.
It felt disrespectful to Minato to wear anything resembling Konoha colours. It's only been half a year since he's died. Along with his wife too... Their baby is still in a secure location. Poor kid, it's not his fault. Half the village is still actively hunting the baby down with the intent of murder. Jiraiya had to issue an order of arrest if anyone even mentioned Naruto with a bad word.
He still can't even bear to look at Naruto. It's too painful. How can he look that baby in the eyes and tell wee lad he's the reason his parents are dead? Nor is Jiraiya in the emotional state to care for a child. It's all his fault that baby is an orphan. Not only an orphan, but the new vessel to a demon. It wasn't fair!
As Jiraiya sees it, if he took the position first, then it would have been him. He would have been home and he could have died in Minato's place. He would have been in charge of dealing with the nine tailed fox. He could have dealt with it even if it killed him. What did he have to live for anyways? Minato had a family. The only family Jiraiya has doesn't speak to him anymore or dead. He's just... alone.
Ghostly. That's a good word for it.
Just drifting along from one day to the next. Feeling nothing. Nothing made him happy anymore. Everything was a chore. Writing felt like a waste of time. Just existing sometimes was too hard. He can't even say that getting out of bed is difficult, because he hasn't slept. He lays awake at night with his thoughts consuming him. The only reason Jiraiya is in his position is because he feels like he must make up for his mistakes. It was an alternative to spiralling further into doing something harmful to himself. At least he's doing something useful with his time for once. He's wasted his life. This feels like a just sentencing to atone for his life of wrong choices. He hates this job. He hates his life. He deserves no less than to rot away at this desk alone. Then when he dies after living an ironically long life, everyone who knew him will be glad he's dead.
After a sigh, Jiraiya leaves the estate to get some good old fashioned vitamin D. There's a park not so far away from the office he finds himself frequenting. It's close and it's fairly quiet. There's a bench away from most of the activity. It's near an old beautiful oak tree and it's perfectly shaded. He likes to sit in it when he actually has the energy to walk here and then back to the office. It's away from the playground and dirt walking path, so not a lot of people have the motivation to venture to it. He pauses in front of it. There's someone in his bench.
A woman. A young woman. Probably close to Minato's age if he had to guess. Her eyes are shut and she's still. She looks to be sleeping or deep in thought. Or basking in the nice warm sun. There's not a cloud in the sky. She looks content. Her soft smile is pretty. Hm... it's been a while since he found someone pretty. He turns to move on. He doesn't feel like arguing to get a seat, or sit with someone without asking. He doesn't feel like asking either.
"You can sit with me if you like."
Jiraiya paused and turned back around. She's not looking at him and her tone was slightly questioning, like she wasn't completely sure if someone was there. Oh... he just noticed her cane. She's blind. Her eyes open to reveal grey pale eyes. Even the pupils are grey. They don't dilate or move when they hit the sun. They aren't ugly or anything. Just different. Different than he thought they would be. They are still bright with life despite not being able to see anything.
"Come on. I don't bite!" You pat the empty spot next to you.
After a moment, the wood creaks with added weight. You introduce yourself to the stranger. Even if you lack sight, you can tell this person is stressed. They got an air about them that just screamed distress. Maybe a talk with a stranger will put them at ease about their worries. It wouldn't be the first time you've had an interesting talk with an interesting stranger. It's one of life's many perks.
"Jiraiya." He introduced himself.
"Ah... that's different."
"I didn't choose it."
"I mean that in a good way! I like your name. It's a bit familiar." You hum as you tap your chin. "But I can't remember where I heard it from."
Jiraiya opened his mouth to inform you. But hold on one second here... you don't know him? Is there one person in Konoha he can talk to like he's normal? An equal and not as a leader? Someone who is willing to get close to him...
"Do you know who the current Hokage is?" He asked.
"No? Why? Do you work for him?"
He smiles.
"Yeah. You could say that." Jiraiya answered you.
This fact put him at ease. A person he can talk to. Someone who will treat him normally. He hasn't have a friend to talk to. All of his left one way or another. Even Hiruzen will barely look at him, and the old man has a family to rely on during these hard times. Jiraiya relaxes into the now very comfortable bench and began to hold a conversation with you. It's been so long since someone was willing to just talk to. After hours of conversation, it eventually had to come to a close. You had to leave and Jiraiya went back to the office. Some of the people who worked there asked him where the hell he was all day, but he didn't really answer them. He said he lost track of time on his lunch break.
The day after he met you, Jiraiya left the office to go to the park. His heart rate picked up when he saw you. It was just weird, because he hasn't been excited in a long time. Maybe he's just that starved for interaction. He's hasn't liked talking since the death of his friends. It's the most his voice has been used since he's seen their caskets lowered into the ground. Talking to you made the task feel easy again. He didn't have to think about what to say, it all sorta just came out with the natural flow of the conversation.
"Can I sit here?" He asks.
"Jiraiya? Of course!" You beam and scoot to the edge to give him room.
The wood creaked with his weight again. The conversation picked up exactly where it left off. Before he knew it, hours had passed. He had to leave suddenly with a promise from you that the conversation will continue tomorrow. He kept coming back. The conversation always continued! It never ended and he loved it.
Every day Jiraiya took his break at the same time. He went to the park and talked to you. A friend. You're his friend and he is indulging in the fact that you don't know who he is. He told you that he's just a shinobi. Yeah... if only he were that. A certain part of him feels bad for lying, but it's too late now. He's a month deep into this relationship built on a lie. It's been so long since he's just been Jiraiya. He's not "My Lord" or "Lord Fifth" when he's with you. He doesn't feel that urge to jam a pen in his eye when he's with you. Because he's not the leader of his village when he's with you. Just some regular man hanging out with his friend. His only friend. Someone cares about him and not what he is.
You like him. This man you befriended. Jiraiya... He's nice. Sad and lonely, but nice. He's rather easy to talk to. His voice is nice to listen to. It's deep and always calm. He doesn't treat you differently. Everyone you usually talk to is hesitant because you're blind. As if a small disability also makes you stupid and difficult to talk to. But he doesn't. Jiraiya speaks to you without a care in the world if you're blind or not. He doesn't take pity on you for lacking a basic sense. He did ask about it once he got to know you.
"Just born with it." You answered with a shrug. Everyone asks about it, so you are quite used to the question. "This is my normal."
"Does it bother you?"
"No. Because I don't know anything else."
"Would you ever want it fixed? I know someone in the medical field who could probably help you."
You shrug. "I don't know... probably not. I like how I am."
It was quiet for a moment. Your friend eventually let out a bemused exhale through his nose.
"Has anyone ever told you that you're beautiful?" Jiraiya asked you.
You dip your head. You can feel your cheeks getting hot. Why did it mean so much when he said it? It's not like he's the first person to. You haven't really dated anyone before and most people who do say it are being holier than thou. Because complimenting a disabled woman will clearly make one a bigger person. But he really means it, doesn't he? He likes spending time with you. You like spending time with him. He's your only real friend.
What does he look like? Your companion was very much a shapeless blob to you. All you can tell is that he's got a big arm. Jiraiya suggested walking around the park for a while while talking and you are letting him guide you by holding his bicep. Curiosity is getting the better of you.
"Can I... touch you?" You ask.
"Oh?" He leans down closer to you and chuckles. "That's usually a third date kind of thing, but I guess we can do that!"
"No!" You squeak. "I-I meant your face! I wanna know what you look like!"
For the first time in a long time, Jiraiya laughs. It felt a little foreign to laugh again, but good. You can get so flushed. He hasn't dipped into that part of his sense of humour in a long time, but when he did you become a lovely shade of red. He likes seeing you blush at his words. The expression of embarrassment you display is rather adorable in his opinion. He stands still in front of you. He grabs both your hands and guides them up to his face.
Oh? Oh! Oh he's tall! You are lifting yourself up on your toes to reach his face. Your fingers meet soft skin. The bit of air hitting your palms in consistent puffs tells you it's really his face. A few things surprise you. Like crows feet and smile lines of an older face. He doesn't behave like he's older. He maybe sad, but he still has a young at heart feel to him when he speaks. Just the other day he went on an aimless spiel about how much fun climbing trees are, or used to be and how much he missed doing it. It certainly didn't have the feel of an older man. And don't all adults miss doing kid stuff like that?
Maybe not you, since the closest you've been to climbing a tree has been accidentally running into one as a kid. You told him to why not have a go at it. The old oak above the bench can hold his weight. He did do it, but only if you went with him. It was a little scary to not have the ground underneath your feet. But Jiraiya didn't let you fall to the ground. You clung onto his back so tightly you must have reshaped his spine. Not that he complained or anything, he found it amusing. For the first time ever you sat on a tree branch and felt the different colder air of a higher level. As well as how different the voices of the people below you carried.
You smile at the memory. Jiraiya is going to have to carry you up a tree again soon. It was fun to be like all the other kids in Konoha who've been climbing trees since infancy. It was also fun to be alone with him like that. Just away from things with the freedom of the open air all around you with only him to talk to. You told him you clung to him because you were scared of falling, but well... it was nice to just hug him. He's warm and smells nice, which was kinda like the trees themselves. Earthy and woody with a hint of something smoky. His heartbeat sped up when you had your arms around him and your face pressed against his chest. Even more so when his arm was securely around your back and the bottom half of his face was pressed into your hair. There was a weird moment when up there too. You raised your head so he could hear you better. He angled his head down to listen. Your face was an inch away from his. His fingers brushed by your cheek and ghosted there for a moment. You could tell he was staring at you. His thumb ran down your lips and gently pulled the bottom one to part them. He retracted a second after that... but you wish he didn't.
You focus back on getting a feel for how this man looks. He has no scars on his face with a consistent smooth texture to his whole face. His eyelashes are longer. His eyes are deeper set and have an almond shape to them. His nose is straight with a triangle shape to it. There's some kind of bump to the left side to it. You drag a finger down from the tip of his nose to his Cupid's bow. You trace the shape of his lips. His bottom lip is slightly bigger than his top. They're wider in shape. They'd feel nice against yours.
Jiraiya is being very quiet. Your concentration is interesting to watch. Your lips are slightly parted. Your brows are raised as you seemed surprised at how he looks. Your sightless eyes are widened. Hopefully it's a good surprise. By the blush of your cheeks, it looks to be so. You stay still as he moves his hands down. They run down your arms. He touches your cheek. You pull as he leans back down. His lips press against yours. It's soft. It's warm. You move your hands back to meet hair. It's thick and wiry, but soft enough to handle.
It breaks after several moments. Jiraiya pulls back first. He looks you over as you are panting and biting your bottom lip. It was nice. A good first kiss. It wasn't too much nor was it lacking. It leaves both you and him satisfied but wanting more. You smile after a moment. A smile grows on his lips too.
"Now that we got that out of the way," he said with a chortle, "how about I take you out for dinner sometime?"
"I'd like that."
"Tonight?"
"I have work tonight." For once you are disappointed to be working. "But I'm off tomorrow!"
"Okay."
He doesn't move. You are still attached to him. It's clear he doesn't want to let you go.
"I have to go now. It's about four isn't it?" You tilt your head towards the sky. You can usually guess by where the sun is hitting you.
"Yeah... You're sure you can't stay for a little while?" Jiraiya asks. He moves back in for another kiss.
"Hm... I'm sorry. I have to go." You sigh after the kiss breaks. It's nice kissing him. It'd be nice to do it all night long.
You don't want to leave, but duty calls. It's a little cliché, but you are a pianist. Your parents decided to sign you up for lessons as a child to occupy your time and you grew to love it. You are quite good at it. You do night lessons for adults and older children to make an income in between jobs. Everyone is busy during the day, so it made sense to stick with five pm to eleven pm lessons. It kept your days free to do as you wished, which was mostly practicing new pieces and taking walks in the park to give yourself a break. Of course it now involved spending time with Jiraiya.
You play mostly by hire for private fancy dinner parties and weddings when you aren't an instructor. You play for the community band here in the village as well, which is made up of volunteers who love music as much as you do. You attend when you can of course, recently you've been sending some of your students who are interested in stuff like that to give them some experience playing before a crowd. It was more fun to be with Jiraiya than play for the community... not that you'd ever tell them that. But now that you have someone to be with, you don't want to be away from them.
"You'll have to show me your house sometime. I still haven't heard you play." Jiraiya insisted before letting you go.
"I'm sure you have heard me play, you just didn't know me."
"Heh, probably not. This is the most I've ever been home in years. I'm not exactly a community involvement kind of man," Jiraiya jokes. It's true. He's never even made it to one of the festivals that happen here. Nor the fundraisers or farmer's markets. Funerals is what he seems to attend to most. And those don't exactly come with fanfare and jazz solos. "I should start since I'm..."
"Since you're what?" You ask him to continue.
"Nothing." He can't exactly reveal who he is now. "I'm just trying to get more involved with the community."
Hokages who don't involve themselves with the people they rule aren't very popular. The council has bugged him a few times to start going to events in his proper attire to show people he's interested in their lives. He really isn't all that interested... but it's for the sake of his image. Which is something he doesn't care about, but the council does.
"But don't you go out a lot for missions?"
"I recently got a permit position here, I no longer go on missions that take me away from home."
It's not technically a lie, just a stretch of the truth. Kages don't leave their village unless it's to meet at the summit, visit another village for exams, or a severe threat that requires the call of such a powerful shinobi. All of which are rare occasions.
"That's good." You say. You smile at him. "That means you'll have to see me all the time, right?"
"Yeah, I guess it does."
One more kiss and you pull away. You search around for your cane. You know he has it. He's keeping it from you so you can't go.
"Jiraiya." You say with bemusement.
"... Yes?" He responds sheepishly. He just didn't want to leave.
"I'll see you tomorrow."
"Okay okay." Jiraiya resigns with a sigh.
He slowly handed you back your cane. You thank him with a kiss before turning around and leaving. You can tell that Jiraiya is watching you go. He tends to stare when you leave. After a moment, he sighs again. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he'll see you. He turns and leaves as well. As he wanders to the office, he thinks on where to take you. Somewhere quiet. Somewhere peaceful and lovely where he can tell you the truth. Maybe up in the oak tree?
That sounds good! A romantic dinner up in the trees. Where Jiraiya can hold you close and kiss you. Get you a little tipsy on champagne and admit he's more than he said he was in a place where you can't run away and no one can interfere. He has no clue how you'll take it. If you feel about him like how he feels about you, then he hopes you'll be understanding.
Jiraiya hardly focuses on his work. He's so excited about tomorrow. So excited that he stops working on his piling paperwork make a list of things he should buy to make a wonderful picnic in the park. He goes home a few hours later with his growing list. He spends the night wondering. For once his sleepless night wasn't consumed by despair and grief. It's been so long since he's been on a date! It's been even longer since he's felt this alive.
The next day, Jiraiya makes sure he looks nice. It may not matter to you, since you have no eye sight, but he wants to. It doesn't matter if you're blind or not, you deserve to have effort put in from your date. He showers and brushes his hair. He styles it for the first time in a long time. Nothing too crazy, he defines his bangs from his hair rather than having it all fall naturally and without care around his face. For the first time in months he grabs something other than black to wear. He feels more like himself. The basket he put together is at his feet and it's ready to whoo you with his thoughtfully prepared meal for you. The day goes by so slowly! All he wants to do is see you! His cheeks hurt from smiling.
The hour finally comes around. The moment it does, Jiraiya bolts out of the estate to the park. His heart his pounding fast with excitement. It felt good to run again. He actually had the energy to do it. He slowly transitions from a run to a jog as he gets closer to the bench. The smile on his face dropped. He stopped in front of the bench under the oak tree. Where his close friend maybe girlfriend should be waiting for him...
But you aren't here. A sinking feeling hit Jiraiya right in the gut. Like his heart fell from his chest and sunk all the way down into his stomach. Disappointment is something he ought to be used to by now. His whole life is just that feeling of sinking down. How he hasn't popped out of the other side of the world yet is a mystery.
On one hand, he can't believe you actually stood him up. On the other, it feels like something is pointing at him and laughing at him for believing someone actually liked him. The neutral line over his lips returned to his face as his eyes drooped into being less alert. He turns and plunks down on the bench. He glances at the basket he prepared with a growing destain. He stares at the ground for a while as he figures out what the fuck to do.
Maybe just wait for an hour or so? You could be late and he's assuming the worst for no reason. Jiraiya sits back and turns his head towards the direction you always walk down the path to meet him. You had to be late. You kissed him. You meant your words yesterday. You feel something for him. There has to be a reasonable explanation and he's just spiralling to a ridiculous conclusion due to his state of mind.
Jiraiya waited for hours. Eventually... he gave up for the night. He dragged himself back to his dingy little apartment he hasn't bothered to clean in months. He stayed awake staring at the picnic basket wondering what happened. He was torn between two ideas. You skipped out because you didn't like him, or something happened to you. The more sleep deprived he got, the less sense everything became.
In the morning, Jiraiya didn't even go to work. He mindlessly wondered to the bench. He sat down at it with a space for you to join him. He just... wanted you. He missed you. It was the same horrible sensation of being cut open from navel to neck when missing someone so much. As if all his guts were spilt out and everyone was walking all over them without noticing the pain he's in. He felt it when his team left. He felt it when his students died. He feels it now without you here. He's mourning again. He can't put together why you aren't here with him. It's like you're right out of reach no matter how hard he stretches his arm out to grab you, his fingers just don't quite reach. Everything was going just fine! Wasn't it? He likes you. You like him. There's an attraction and connection you have with him. How can you just disappear? Unless you're one hell of a liar, he can't understand or accept that you aren't here with him.
"Lord Hokage!" A cheery female voice called him.
To cringe was natural. Jiraiya still hates being called that. He crinkles his nose and turns to see who interrupted his descent into thinking the situation to death. It's a young woman. One of the many. It's pretty obvious and Jiraiya isn't a fool. The only reason he's super popular with the ladies now is due to his status. There's a small horde of them he has to deal with now. They follow him around sometimes. They giggle and whisper to one another when he looks at them. It's a broad mix of them too. With different strategies on courting him.
The main clans are rather formal. The Yamanaka gals gave him iris flowers and carnations. Both are flowers of love and desire. Nara girls did the same but with flowers that have medical properties, as if to one up their kith clan with a not so subtle reminder that they provide medicine to Konoha. Whether or not it's a threat, he's not sure. Akimichi chicks offer to share their snacks with him, which is like the highest honour among them aside from being invited to dinner. The Aburame women, who are always rather quiet and serious, approached him and offered to show him around the beetle breeding nest... Which is romantic? To them it must be. The Inuzuka head herself asked if he liked dogs and offered to let him hang out with the puppies for some needed puppy therapy... he may have taken her up on it. It went good at first until the eligible women of the clan began to hang around the kennel and being more confident in personality, they simply began to ask who he wanted to take out on a date. Even the Kohaku clan threw their hat in the ring by sending over one of their prettiest and strongest girls to be a permanent resident of Konoha rather than in their border village to offer her services. She didn't specifically say what kind of services but she winked at him with the implications that she'd make a good fuck buddy if he ever wanted.
To no one's surprise, it was the Hyūga and Uchiha who were the most insistent. The Hyūga approached Jiraiya with an alphabetical list of eligible women he can pick from their clan that would make a suitable wife for him. They insisted that he speaks to each one of them before completely rejecting them all. They must really want a better leg up in the village as most of them were from the main branch. They were all very nice, just not intimate or genuine in their interest in him. The Uchiha were a bit more subtle. Weasel, a black ops who is a mole in the clan and a clan member themselves, warned Jiraiya that the clan assigned a woman to slowly crawl her way into his life. It was going to be a slow burn plan where the clan woman would always be there until he noticed her enough to make it seem like a completely natural relationship. He's aware that they are planning something and having him marry one of their members will ensure they can control him through her. Yeah... he's not as shallow or dumb as they think he is. All of them have talked down to him like he's inept at his job. It's clear that they want a say in how the village is run. Being a spouse to Lord Hokage means the whole clan has a higher level of status and control. Something they desire greatly.
It's not all clan women either. Shinobi from civilian families were shooting their shot too. They were vicious in comparison to the more traditional and proper approaches of the main clans. They were the ones that congregated in groups to ask his attention and he's seen them turn on one another. It does make sense. Marrying the Hokage is quickest way to social climb. It means status, money, and power. Probably an early retirement too. Plenty of spouses to higher ranked ninja are mostly homemakers even if they do got the skills to protect their village. If that's what makes them happy... he's got no issue with it.
This is why Jiraiya likes you so much. There's someone out there that wants to date him for him. You don't want 'Lord Hokage' to court you. You want plain old Jiraiya to be your boyfriend. Maybe more than that. He could get along with you for his whole damn life. Everyday was so much more livable with you by his side. You treat him like an equal and he missed that so much that he lied his ass off so you'd stick around.
"My lord, you shouldn't be out alone like this!" One of the women broke off from the group and took her shot. She wrapped her arms around him from behind and cooed at him in a sweet tone of voice. "Couldn't you use the company of a pretty lady?"
"Or two?" Another skidded to a halt beside him and knelt down with her arms folded on top of the arm rest of the bench.
"What about three?" A different woman sat down in your spot.
To that Jiraiya's mouth twitched to a frown at someone else sitting beside him. Maybe in a different world he would have loved all of this attention. But he really doesn't. It's only because he's a man of standing now do women want him. No one likes him for him anymore. But you do. They aren't you. He only wants your attention. He wants to hold you and talk to you. He'd rather be alone than have all these girls around. It feel wrong to have someone else hug him and coo at him flirtatiously.
"Have you ladies seen my friend?" Jiraiya ignores their flirty approaches and asks a very simple question. "She's a young woman with a cane who walks around the park here everyday."
"Oh you don't have to pretend around us, Lord Hokage." The third said with a grin. She looked to be mighty proud of herself about something.
"Yeah!" The first agreed. She squeezed him tighter in her hug. "We know what a nuisance it must be to have to be nice to every citizen you come across."
"What do you mean?" Jiraiya spoke slowly. Suspicious, these women are.
"We saw how annoying that blind girl is! All she did was talk and talk!"
He frowned with his brows furrowed. He stares at the woman sitting in your seat with a feeling in his gut. Something really ain't right here.
"And you three didn't like that?" He ventured a guess.
"Well yeah! Why does she get to talk to you?" The second one stood up and scoffed. "Honestly, you should be thankful that we got rid of that cripple!"
It got very quiet. The other girls are glaring at the second with fire. Jiraiya scoffs and stands. It's amazing what jealousy will do to a person. How long until these three turn on one another in an attempt to win his favour?
"It would be in your best interest for your careers to not speak to me." Jiraiya finally spoke after several moments of tense silence. "And never touch the people I speak to ever again."
He stormed off without glancing back to the stunned trio. Once he was almost out of the park, the other two turned on the girl who spilled the beans. He heard shrieking about how she ruined their chances... like they ever had one to begin with. Once he reached his office, Jiraiya broke one of the many codes a Kage must follow. He used the ANBU for a personal problem. To find you. For those women's sake... you better be alive.
...
You sit at your piano. For the first time in almost three days, you began to play. Unfortunately you are down to one hand as the other is lightly sprained. It's hard to spread your fingers out to play anymore than two keys at a time. There are plenty of simple songs to play with one hand anyways. Not that you've had much motivation to play. This is the first time you ventured out of bed during these horrible days.
How did it get sprained? And why are you quite sad? Well sheesh... even now it's humiliating. A pack of girls attacked you. You were suddenly surrounded after you said goodbye to Jiraiya. They ripped your cane from you and threw it away. They yelled at you for several things. It didn't make much sense at first.
You didn't know any Hokage. Or at least you thought you didn't know any. It wasn't until one of them actually said Lord Jiraiya did you clue in. The man you've developed feelings for was lying to you. If he was willing to lie about who he is, what else did he lie about? Does he do the things he says he does? Or like the things he likes? Did he lie about everything? Was he just screwing with you? Maybe this whole time he was mocking the naive blind girl and formed himself into a completely different person.
Did he send those girls after you? Was he finally sick of playing his little mind game and decided to sick his pack on you? Why not? He must be lying about everything.
Did Jiraiya even like you?
Probably not... What could the leader of the village want with a blind woman? He's objectively the most powerful person in Konoha. And you... probably the weakest. You can barely fight off a child. The girls who attacked you were gracefully dodging all your wild flailing. You were left in the street scraped up and confused. A much nicer ninja found you feeling around on your hands and knees looking for your cane. They helped you up, found your cane, and took you to the hospital despite your insistence that you were fine. You were too shaken and ashamed to tell them the truth. Who would believe that you were jumped anyways? And that it was for such a strange reason. It's not like you can tell the police what your attackers look like. No one will take you seriously. It looks as if your only friend didn't even take you seriously.
Loud knocking on your door interrupted your depressing thoughts. You don't move. You don't want to. You don't want to talk to anyone. Your students will have to deal with a few more days without their lessons. You won't charge them for the lessons they missed since it's your fault. You can't exactly teach with a sprained hand anyways.
The knocking got louder and more insistent. You sigh and stand. So you'll have to tell them yourself. Some of your students are very insistent. It came off a little entitled, but once they see the brace on your hand then maybe they'll leave. You place your hands on the door and speak softly.
"Who is it?" You ask.
"It's me!" You recognize Jiraiya's voice. "Please let me in!"
Pangs of emotions run through you. Sadness, anger, betrayal. You don't know what you feel for him anymore. You aren't even sure if you really know him.
"Go away, Jiraiya. I don't want to talk to you."
"Come on! Give me a chance to explain!"
"No. Just leave me alone."
Jiraiya exasperates a loud frustrated yell. These last few days have been hell. His emotions were haywire. They've been wrung through like a dirty rag squeezed of every drop of water. He likes you so much and you not being there felt like being punched through his gut.
He did what he could. He suspended and charged those girls for attacking a harmless citizen. If possible, Jiraiya would have done so much worse. But for some reason it's a rather light charge for shinobi even though it's an abuse of power. That's a law he's going to have to change. Maybe it'll actually keep crazy people from attacking citizens if the charge actually held some hit to it. He asked Dog, the only black ops he actually liked, to find where you went. The young elite was true to his alias. No questions asked just did it.
"Please!.." He begged you through the door. His forehead clunks against the wood and he groans. "Just let me explain..."
It was quiet. Jiraiya must have lost you. You must hate him. Not that he blames you. He hates himself for ruining the one good thing in his life. The world wasn't so grey with you around. Your smile was so pretty. Your voice was calming. Your view on life was just... beautiful. It's like being around you drove away the clouds that darkens his life. You are the bright day to him. He doesn't want to lose another person because of his actions! He's prepared to do anything to get you back.
"Why did you lie to me?" Your voice was quiet and sad. "... Don't you trust me?"
"I do! I'm sorry! I just..." He paused and sighed. He casted his eyes down shamefully. "You made me feel normal again. I haven't felt this alive since I became Hokage!"
There's a soft click. The door opens. Jiraiya stands up properly so he doesn't fall into your house. You look awful. Tired and messy. Hair unkempt and clothing wrinkled from being slept in. His heart breaks to see you hurt. Bruises and scrapes on your arms and face. You have a brace on. Those insane women really did some damage. He reached out and touched the brace on your arm. But you moved it away.
"Keep talking." You tell him. You are willing to listen. You feel something for him, but it's hard to place what. You want to hear him out even if you are mad at him. If the reason is good enough, you could forgive him.
"I should have told you the truth earlier," Jiraiya continues his apology. He chances reaching out to touch you. You don't shy away when his fingers touched your cheek. You lean into it which gave him a sense of ease. "I haven't had anyone to talk to since I... lost some friends. No one treats me like I'm a person anymore. I hate being a leader and being talked to like one. With you I just..." He sighs. This was hard and honestly... foolish. He feels like an absolute idiot. He leans down to your level to press his forehead against yours. "With you I'm just Jiraiya and that's all I want to be."
Jiraiya's tone was laced with badly hidden pain. The bits and pieces he talked about his past made sense now. He told you his friends died recently and how he talked about it revealed that he blamed himself. That sense of responsibility somehow lead him to be the fifth leader of Konoha. He wants to do this job even if it tears him apart inside. His sense of duty and responsibility to honour his friends is admirable. He's a sweet man. A sad, lonely, misguided sweetie whose heart has been broken from repeated loss of love. He needs help but didn't know how to ask. So he lied out of fear of being alone. He just needed someone to talk to.
You became the answer he was looking for. He didn't know how to feel better until you were there to talk to. You picked up the pieces of him. You helped without realizing how much it meant. Life wasn't so slow and agonizing to live with you to talk to. Maybe more than just talk to. Being with you heals the pain. The void was all consuming again when you were gone for those days. While Jiraiya was aware being with you made the pain go away, he didn't think he could fall in love so fast. Nor did he have any idea he would fall in love with someone like you.
You are lonely too. You've always been surrounded by people who didn't understand you. There was always that line between you and 'normal' people. It's like you are too much of a chore for anyone to stick around longer than a lesson or a gig. No one wants to take care of the blind girl. Not that you needed to be taken care of, but having someone stay and love you for you was something you've always wanted. Jiraiya certainly crossed that line. There was a connection there. He knew what it was like to be alone. Neither you or him directly spoke about it, but it was simply understood. Two lonely people kinda just found each other.
Even if he's an idiot... you do love him.
"You'll always be just Jiraiya to me." You finally speak after several moments of silence. You put your arms around him in a hug.
Jiraiya sighs. The relief of you accepting what he's done felt like a building being lifted from his shoulders. He tilts his head slightly before going in. Kissing you the first time ended too quickly. It feels too good to quit. You can feel everything. His eyelashes tickling your skin. The tips of his bangs touch your face. The tip of his nose pressing against your cheek. His lips are a little dry, but not unpleasant. His hands move down to settle on your hips.
You feel his tongue poke through your lips and run across your teeth. You open your mouth to grant him entry. You poke your tongue out to meet his part way. It was rather gentle. Exploring and curious. His tongue ran along the inside of yours without being too invasive. It didn't dive too deep or demand to be dominant over you. It settled for playing and running along your tongue.
Just like the tongue, Jiraiya's hands got comfortable with exploring your body. From your hips to a slow stroke over your ass. He even did a few light squeezes. They rounded to the front of your waist before slowly making their way up your torso. His fingers only grazed your boobs, pausing for a moment to feel the shape of them. Then they move on to caress your face again. The kiss breaks for a moment just to take in air and for his lips to flash into a smile. In a way it's a shame you can't see yourself, because you are very pretty. But you also have that viewpoint where you don't really care, because you've never seen yourself or anybody else. Which he likes. He's got an good shot at being with you since you can't see what he looks like! He's no spring chicken anymore nor does he think he's worthy of a runway. Unlike you, who are these things.
You've never touched Jiraiya beyond his arms and face. You know what he looks like... sorta. He's tall. His face is wider in shape with handsome features. Well they at least feel handsome to you. He scoffs with doubt when you compliment him in anyway. His hair is long, but you don't know how long. He's strong. His arms are firm with muscle. The rest of him must be like that too. You explore to confirm. His chest is wide and his torso is more of a square shape. His clothing is loose enough where you can sneak your hands underneath them to feel his bare skin. It's smooth and warm. There's the occasional rough scar tissue that broke up the smooth canvas of his body. He's got nice well toned muscles, but from how bumpy his sides are it's easy to put together that he's under weight. Especially as the space between his ribs and hips curves in rather than being straight. Even if he's a little under his normal and healthy weight, he has an intimidating strong figure. One that will certainly feel nice against yours.
"Can I come in?" Jiraiya asks.
"What do you plan to do if I let you in?" You asked in response.
"Hopefully," he pauses and pulls you against his body, "I could show you how terribly sorry I really am!"
"That may take you all night!"
He chuckles at your reply. You hold his hands as you lead him in. He does doddle a little, slowing down to look over your home. The grand piano against the far wall beside this giant window along the next wall was rather picturesque. Seeing you sitting in front of the instrument with the light coming in from the side has to be a pretty sight. Especially if you are wearing nothing... and sitting on him. Hm... how good can you play his fingers playing with you and lips by your ear breathing hot heavy words about what he wants to do with you? Something that'll have to be explored later! For now, every thoughtful first time should be in a bed. The more kinkier stuff can happen once he gets to know your body.
Your shins hit the edge of your bed. You turn around. Just as you grab the edge of Jiraiya's shirt, his lips are back on yours. His fingers grip the hem of your shirt. It's over your head and tossed away a second later. You return the favour and pull off his shirt. The moment he's free of it, his hands run over to the clasp of your bra and he pulls it off. He goes back in the moment it's off to cup and massage them. You run your hands down his chest and abdomen. The rises and dips of it are lovely to feel. Your fingers graze his pants. The curiosity is too much to contain and you touch the bump in his pants.
He moans into your mouth. He's hard in your hand. You grip and rub to get a feel for what's in store for you. You slide under the fabric to touch his bare skin. His cock is throbbing with a need in your hand. He feels big. You stroke the full length of it to get a better idea of exactly how big. Eight, maybe nine inches and thick enough to satisfy anyone. Not wanting to you to be left out, Jiraiya fondled you too. The kiss broke for but a moment to gasp in a breath. His fingers press and rub to feel what you got. Already he can feel some wetness meeting his fingers through your pants. He can push in a little with the small amount of give your pants has, but it's hardly a good preview of what he has to look forward to. Knowing you're so excited for this only urged him to move on to the best part. He can only withstand the gentle strokes of your hand for so long. He's eager to make some sweet love.
You whine quietly when his fingers retracted. That felt really good. It wasn't too hard or fast. The pads of his fingers felt good against you. Instead he grabs your waist and lifts you onto your bed. He pushed you onto your back, forcing you to stop touching him. His fingers hook around the band of your pants and underwear. He pulls them off slowly, inhaling sharply the moment he saw all of you.
"Is something wrong?" You ask.
"No." Jiraiya replied. His hand dragged along the back of your thigh. Once he met your knee, he gently guided your leg to spread. "You're nice to look at, that's all."
"You are too... even if I can't see you, you're beautiful to me."
A soft laugh was the response you got. Light kisses are placed on the sides of your knees, his lips purposely avoiding the bruises. His hand left. The quiet rustling of clothing sounds a moment later. He's taking off the rest of his clothing. Goosebumps prickle all over your skin without Jiraiya's body next to yours. He gives off lots of heat. Your hand begins to wander as you miss and crave for him to touch you again. You suck in a breath when you brush your finger along your clit. It's stiff and sensitive with a want to be touched. The smallest bit of pressure sends tingles up your spine to accompany the pleasure.
The bed dips by your feet with added weight. Jiraiya's limbs graze yours as he crawls up to be level with your face. His hands rest above your shoulders. His knees are flush against your ass. Something soft and light is tickling your body at different places. Your collarbone, breasts, hips. You stop touching yourself to touch him instead. The better part of this activity is going to happen in a few moments anyways. Your sprained hand throbs at being strained, but you don't care. When you reach out, your fingers brush by locks of hair. Jiraiya must have hair to his ass! It suits him. It's unconventional and wild like he is. You find his arms and use them to guide your way up to his face.
Jiraiya doesn't say anything. He watches you. Your sightless eyes are half closed and your cheeks are flushed. You're breathing through parted lips that are pink and plump from kissing him. The tips of your thumbs brush by the corners of his sight as you caress his face. You smile when he smiles, meaning you can feel every twitch of his face. You look beautiful like this.
He leans down. His lips press against yours again. His hands slide down to your ass. You are lifted slightly off the bed. A small gasp leaves you when the tip of his cock press against your entrance. Jiraiya runs his tongue over yours. You hold onto him as he sinks down. Your legs twitch and tense as you take every inch. Your cries of pleasure are muffled. It feels so good! You don't know what to do! It's hard to handle or describe. His hips finally hit yours just as thought you couldn't handle anymore.
You broke the kiss with a whimpering moan. You take in the air you were deprived of with one deep breath. Jiraiya moans your name and presses his face against your neck. You move your hands behind his neck to hold him.
"You're okay if I move?" He asks, his voice husky and quiet.
"Oh please do!" You groan. You turn your face towards his and your lips graze his ear. "Fuck me. Fuck me, Jiraiya!"
He smiles. He kisses your neck and jaw. His hips move back slowly then push back in. The pace is slow but it forces you to stay tense. It's just so much in such a good way. It's stretching and filling you but leaves you wanting more when he pulls back. His fingers flex and grip your ass. His arms even shake a little.
It's been so long since he's had a woman. Even before the recent tragedy that happened in his life, Jiraiya didn't have much luck finding a partner. He hasn't been in the mood since all that happened. Then you happened. He's never had someone that's felt this good to hold, to kiss, to fuck so passionately with. His heart is hammering in his chest with excitement. But he didn't want it fast. You feel better than he ever could have thought it could feel. Every breath you take is a moan of his name. Your fingers are shaking from how good he's making you feel. Your back arches and your stomach presses against his. Your head throws back as you seize like electricity just shot through your body. He digs into that spot that made you do that and your walls clench with the climax you just hit. He wants to savour this for as long as possible.
Jiraiya runs his hand down your left leg. He holds it still until you relax and breathe again. Your head is swimming from the high you just hit. You can hear your blood pumping in your ears. He presses that leg up until your knee is by your shoulder. He straddles the other and you are forced to be on your side. He sits up. It feels cool and the air is fresh without him next to you, but it was nice having him so close. Without him to grip, you hold the sheets as he resumes fucking you.
The pace is faster. Your body rocks back and forth with the force of it. It's still not as intense as you know he can probably do. He's a big man after all, he could probably make the headboard rattle off the frame and give you a concussion from hitting it so hard. This is good too. It's giving you a chance to enjoy every little bit of his dick without harming you. The headboard breaking and head injuries can wait until next time. The angle is good but you want more. There's something you just don't like about not being able to touch your partner as they fuck you. It's harder to appreciate that it's them.
You sit up, which makes Jiraiya halt. You grip his arms and hoist yourself up. You free your leg to sit on him. Your legs are folded so you're on your knees. It's not uncomfortable. Despite the bruises on them, this felt too good to care how the pressure on them feels. You squeeze your legs against his and dig your fingers into his arms. Jiraiya supports your lower back with his hand and his other hand holds that back of your neck. You ride him. You stay flush against his pelvis and roll your hips to grind the amazing amount of pleasure it's providing you.
Jiraiya is breathing hard. His lips are parted and you can feel the puffs of hot air on your face. His fingers grip and squeeze your neck. His left hand runs up and down your spine. His hips rut in the opposite rhythm to yours. Pushing in when you pull back. When you sit up, Jiraiya presses his lips back to yours. He holds you in place like that with his hand holding underneath your thigh to keep you lifted. He thrusts his hips up to fuck you at this angle. Your tongue presses and plays with his as your body bounces with the force with his hips. His teeth scrape against yours each time he goes back in after a quick breath.
"Mmphf!" Your moan is muffled in his mouth.
In response Jiraiya inhaled and held it. It sounds so good with your voice echoing in his mouth and resonating in his head. You are tense in your legs and torso. Hearing you so close is rewarding. The throbbing pulsing sensation in his cock is warning him he won't last much longer.
He sunk down to his knees so that just the head of his cock is inside of you. There's a void feeling inside of you as you miss it so close to a climax. His hand on your neck travels down to your thigh where the other already is on the other thigh. Your hips are rocking back and forth eagerly with the head just teasing you. His hips are rolling with a need too, so he must be close. He just didn't want it to end just yet. If only he had better body control, then he'd deny himself of cumming just to fuck you for hours without a break.
Just as you gasp in a breath to beg for him to give it to you, Jiraiya pushes you down. You fall down on it fast. The length of his erection inside of you so perfectly it brings about the end. You clench up as you cum. He tries to hold on but falls forward. Jiraiya rests his fast on your chest. He is quivering as he rocks his hips in tiny motions to milk the amazing feeling but it's almost too over stimulating to go further. He pants your name under his breath over and over again as he makes his own orgasm last for several more seconds.
All at once Jiraiya relaxes and collapses his weight over top of you. You had just relaxed yourself when his added hundred and eighty or so pounds crushed the air out of you. It was a lot, but you don't care. You don't want him to ever leave your touch again. You retract your fingers from his arms and move them up to his shoulders. From there you can pull him into a hug. You maneuver under his curtain of hair to touch his bare skin. His chest moves against your belly in a deep sigh.
"I think I'm in love with you." Jiraiya broke the silence with a confession.
His face leaves your chest to rise and see your reaction. A smile is on your lovely face. The comforting hug you had him in leaves to hold his face. It's a gesture that's really growing on him. Your gentle fingers touch and caress his face. It's your way of saying that you're looking him in the eyes, or that's how he interrupts it.
His cheeks are very warm. His expression is hard to read. His lips are parted and aren't quite in a smile nor a frown. His brows are raised. The lashes you can feel on the sides of your thumbs are twitching, so his eyes must be moving. He's searching for your answer, which is hard when your eyes don't really emote.
"I think I love you too." You finally say.
Jiraiya laughs softly. For the first time in over half a year, he feels a genuine good amount of joy. His arms wrap around you and he kisses you. You hold him and kiss him back. A sharp pain pokes your wrist like a sudden stab with a hair pin in between the joints. You pull away your sprained hand. You try not to complain about the pain as it all comes back. Enough of the endorphins had left to have the gross soreness and gritty pain of your injuries to return. It returned with a vengeance as you pulled on your scrapes when you rode Jiraiya and put pressure on the bruises with every position you were in.
"Are you okay?" Jiraiya whispers. His face is right in front of yours.
"Just sore." You answer.
He rubs your braced wrist and arm. He adds a few kisses along the fabric as if to apologize. It's really not his fault. He has some rampant followers, there's not a lot he can do about it.
"You aren't permanently hurt, are you?"
"No." You sigh. You flex your fingers out and grunt when there's another sharp pain. The massage he's giving your sore arm does feel nice. The pressure isn't to hard and stops right before the sorest part. It feels swollen. "It'll heal with time and rest."
"I'm sorry this happened to you."
You opened your mouth to say he didn't need to apologize, but Jiraiya interrupted with his lips back against yours. You move your lips against his in a tender make out session. It's good enough to forget your train of thought. His thumb rubs circles into your sore wrist as he makes you forget all about the pain with his love and affection. He pulls back suddenly and sits up. The air feels frigid without him on top of you.
"Come on. Let's go on that date, shall we?" Jiraiya said cheerfully.
"Really?" You sit up slowly and furrow your brow. "But what will we do after the date?"
He chuckles. You crack a smile just before getting kissed again. It's addictive. Each one leaves you and him craving the next one. You are pulled to your feet. It takes a long time to get dressed again. Each article of clothing you try to put on was interrupted with more delightful kisses. You and Jiraiya almost got worked up again to get back on the bed. But he refrained. This is just a thing he really wants to do. Show you off with no shame. To finally be able to hold and love someone in public that he knows loves him for him is a feeling that he can't really describe. It's like he's more whole again. Heh... the Fifth Hokage is going to marry a blind woman. There has to be some kind of irony he knows is there, but he chooses to ignore. So long as he's happy and you are happy too, he'll ignore every little thing that tries to keep him away from you.
You hold onto Jiraiya's arm as he leads you away. He didn't say where he was taking you, but you trust him. The familiar smell of trees and grass hit your nose. The soft blades grass graze your feet as you walk into the park you know so well. You expect to sit on the bench, but you are lowered onto the grass with the bark of the oak tree supporting your back.
"I'll be right back! I forgot to grab the picnic part of the picnic!" Jiraiya announced. He's excited still despite this one set back. He leaves after a kiss goodbye.
"Hurry back!" You call after him as you hear the patter of his feet fade.
You are a little stranded without Jiraiya. You didn't think to grab your cane when he took you away. You shift and fiddle with your hands as you miss him. The sounds of footsteps approaching you gets your hopes up. Excitement grows in your chest. That was quick! Jiraiya is fast when it counts.
"I thought I told you not to come back here!"
Your heart drops at the sound of a familiar female voice. Its one of your attackers. You curl yourself up to protect your torso and arms.
"You're bothering a very important man with your constant need for attention!" She accuses you. Her tone is angry and annoyed. "He can't be focused on one measly unworthy useless blind girl his whole day! Lord Jiraiya has better things he could be doing, he's just too nice to tell you to go away!"
"Just leave me alone!" Your voice comes out more quiet and pathetic then you meant it to. It was supposed to be loud and demanding but it had the threatening power of a mouse standing up to a starved feral cat.
"No! You don't deserve him!"
The air around your head flutters. Like a large bird about to take off or a hand fanning air right next to your head. Something soft brushed against your forehead. It's familiar too. You reach out to feel that Jiraiya had returned. He's standing in front of you. You touch his knee, from that you can gauge what he's doing. He's leaning forward and it's a piece of his hair that's tickling you.
Insufferable entitled woman! Jiraiya hisses under his breath as one of the women from the other day was an inch away from grabbing you. He had her wrist gripped in his hand. He heard enough to make him see red. Why can't people just leave him and the people he loves alone? Is that such a hard order to follow? Is he asking the fucking world with that one? Apparently so since no one wants to listen to him!
"Oh! Lord Hokage." She tried smiling and faking innocence. "I... I caught her stealing from one of the children in the playground."
"I know that's a lie." Jiraiya states. His tone is quiet and threatening. He pulled her close, but she knew it wasn't for a hug. He stared her down and lowered his voice to a hushed snarl. "If you or any one else ever harm another hair on her head, I'll discharge everyone involved in this little 'fan club' I have out of the military. I'm even considering banishment for the poor behaviour I've seen."
The woman looked shocked. She twisted her wrist out of his grasp. She frowned at him then you before spinning on her heel and leaving in a huff. She's muttering bitterly under her breath as she storms off to the group of women standing by.
"Jiraiya?" You ask and pull lightly on his pants.
"Sorry. You shouldn't have to deal with that."
"I can manage." You assure him. He sits on his knees in front of you with your encouraging tugs on his pants. "I got you to protect me now, right?"
"Right." He chuckles. He holds your hands. "I won't allow anyone to treat you so terribly."
He seals the promise with a kiss. It felt normal to kiss you in public. He didn't care who saw since it's not about politics. The weight of his lies aren't sitting on his thoughts anymore. It feels good to be him again. For the first time in so long, Jiraiya feels like Jiraiya. It's all thanks to you that he's happy being himself. He pecks your lips one last time before pulling away. He did steal a glance to his supposed supporters and secretly relishes in their gawking. He chose you out of all the women in the village, because you're better than all of them. Not that it was ever a competition, but none of these women, common or clan alike, stood a chance against you. You are just too perfect. With you by his side he has no need to worry or to hurt. You're there to help take that burden like you have with every little thing you've ever done with him.
He sits down beside you and pulls the lovely picnic basket that's been waiting for too long to be picked apart and eaten right next to him. Jiraiya breaks a law or two as he pops open the bottle of wine and shares it with you. But hey, he's Hokage after all. Who is gonna tell him no? He wraps his arm around you and pulls you close.
The park is a perfect place to have a date. You smile and wrap your arm around the front of his waist. You rest your head on his chest and enjoy his company. The warmth of the sun and beat of his heart against your ear is a beautiful song to enjoy. For now, you enjoy the peace. For later you know that Jiraiya is going to set the beat to a different kind of song. One that'll last all night long.