Every fall it happens. After the first cold shower. The damp smell of leaves hit the air and that ice cold breeze of approaching winter was all around. It rained cold pellets after dusk but not quite night. In that strange late twilight it did rain for hours. For part of it, your husband stood in the icy rain. His face towards the sky with eyes shut. You called him to come back, worried he'll catch a cold. When Jiraiya turned to look at you, there was that tired look in his eyes. He knew it. You knew it.

The next week is going to be rough.

This time it's in the security of a closed building at least. Well sorta... it's one of the many abandoned buildings that are scattered across the land. A small one room house with a destroyed hearth being the only remaining piece of evidence that this was once a simple but warm home. At least it was shelter.

Last year when it started, you and Jiraiya were in the middle of camping. It was hard to keep a low profile when he yells and thrashes in the middle of an echoing forest. It felt very exposing. Thankfully, no one came to do anything bad. It just had you on edge. Nothing you did woke him up. He was stuck in his horrible dream until he awoke by himself. He was shaking and pale. He told you he was fine and to go back to bed. It was never spoken of again.

This year should be interesting. You and Jiraiya aren't alone. This year, you and him are the caretakers and teachers to a young man. In many ways, Naruto's presences has been a good thing. Perhaps him being here will calm some of Jiraiya's bad dreams.

Thankfully Naruto was a very heavy sleeper. Super heavy. The boy could sleep though a tornado. Still so, you know that Jiraiya would prefer to have some space. Only the truly brave can handle those flailing limbs. You set his cot up against the far wall and told him to trust you. You knew it would happen soon.

You set yourself and Jiraiya on the opposite side of the room. He barely noticed. He merely collapsed upon the cot with his face buried in the pillow the moment it was rolled out. He doesn't sleep well during the fall months because he didn't like to. He's aware he gets seasonal nightmares and they are most prevalent in fall.

He does the same thing every year. Jiraiya pulls several all nighters before his body physically cannot handle another night of no sleep. You've tried to tell him it's not healthy. He can't prolong the inevitable and dwelling on it only makes it worse. He always ignores you. The reasoning being that this is how he always handled it. He stays awake and struggles throughout the day. He can barely talk. He can barely walk. He's hardly suited to train a young man. Half the time he's snickering about something he thought and is too tired to articulate what the hell had him in stitches. He becomes a little too clingy at times as well. Jiraiya will drape himself over you like a heavy blanket, using his size to overcome yours. Sometimes he insists on walking while holding you in a bear hug.

At the third day mark he begins to hallucinate. Mostly all auditory. He'll stop suddenly and look off in some random direction asking you quietly if you heard that. It's very worrisome. One would think he would just stop once that happens. But he pushes through it with the hopes of being so tired he just blacks out without dreaming. If he ever got too sleepy before he was ready to go to bed, he does random things to wake himself up. He yells. He'll pour water over his head. Most times he'll just pace in circles as his exhausted brain thinks too much. It's very flawed logic.

It never works. You watch him as it starts. You can't sleep when you know he's only going to suffer. He's tossing and turning. Sweat began to build on his body. His heart is pounding hard. You can hear it in the otherwise silent room.

"N... No..." He gasps in the word.

It's then he begins to thrash. Jiraiya has always been a very animated sleeper. He rolls and flips. His leg will twitch when he's running in a dream. He breaths deeply when he's climbed mountains to the very top in his dreams. He starfishes when he dreams of floating on water. One time he even summoned a toad in his slumber... they weren't impressed. He may or may not have had some explicit dreams with some explicit results in his body. He promised they were about you with a flirty wink.

"I could show you better than I could tell you~!" He always suggests when you ask for the dirty details.

His nightmares are no different, yet much worse. His legs twitch. His arms tense. He hyperventilates. He tosses and turns. He claws at the sheets and ground. His face gets screwed up in a mix of horrible emotions. Fear, pain, worry. He yelps and cries.

"No! N.." he whimpers oh so sadly in his sleep. It's like a tragedy is playing before his eyes.

The details of what terrorized Jiraiya's mind at night was still a mystery to you. He's never told you. He probably won't ever will. Even though you've been with him for many years, he's embarrassed to tell you. As of sharing dreams or what scares him will ruin this very loving relationship. It'd be better if he did. Perhaps talking about it will help. Or you could at least help him banish the monsters that haunt his mind if you understand what they are.

Jiraiya opens his mouth and inhaled deeply. The worst is over. He's now just breathing heavily. His limbs relax but his fingers are still clenching. They've moved to clutch at his shirt. He's holding his chest and abdomen like they've been struck. A shaky exhale followed.

"You're okay, honey." You coo at him.

Sometimes talking at him helps. As if your voice calls him back to reality. A whimper was his response. You adjust yourself to be cuddling right up beside his arm. From there you touch and stroke sections of his hair. He likes having his hair played with. Pulling back the fringe from his face by pinching small sections and pushing them back and twirling locks around your finger is a great comfort to him. You did it for him before he drifted off to sleep. He simply sighed and grumbled something unintelligible before passing out, but he didn't look so stressed. You are here.

Perhaps reminding him that you are here will banish the bad dreams. Last year Jiraiya was mostly inconsolable. Even if you did talk to him and try to shake him awake, he didn't calm down. Leaving him to yell is not something you can do in good conscience. He's the man you love! His dreams are bringing him pain. You can't stand to see him in pain. This year will be better. It just has to be.

"Nothing is wrong." You promise.

The furrow on his brow relaxes. Behind his lids his eyes are still moving around rapidly. There's still some vivid things happening in his head. The expression on his face looked like he was processing something. Was it bad? Was it good? A deep breath was your only reply. It didn't say much.

That small bit of reassurance seemed to be enough. Jiraiya looks like he normally does when he's heavily asleep. Face neutral, body relaxing. His breathing slow and even. His eyes are still moving, as if searching for something.

"There we go." You sigh in relief.

This year will be good. Maybe his insomnia habit had finally paid off. He was barely able to blink before bedtime without his head dipping and body stumbling as he fell asleep standing. You rest your head. Since Jiraiya is ready to sleep peacefully, so are you.

A scream. A loud scream. A real shriek. A hollow scream of mourning and sadness. Like a banshee had suddenly just walked into the house and let loose their grief. It cut the dead silence of the room like a siren.

It startled you. You jumped and stared wide eyed. He's never done that before. Jiraiya doesn't scream ever. It feels like your heart has jumped up to your throat. That was the type of scream where it freezes the blood in your veins from the dread it brings.

For a moment you weren't sure what to do. It was scary. Hearing someone you love scream bloody murder is terrifying. It's a noise that hardly anyone ever hears in real life. It took a moment to sit up. Your body wasn't sure what to do with that surge of energy his scream roused in you.

You had to wake him up! Whatever he's dreaming of has to stop. His head his moving back in forth in a violent disagreement of whatever he's seeing. He's pulling at his clothes desperately like something was overtop of him and he couldn't get away from it.

"Jiraiya!" You call his name.

You reach out and grab his shoulders. Just as you do, he sits up. He stopped his haunting shriek. His mouth hung open as his eyes are wide. He is pale with stress. His chest his heaving for air. A bead of sweat rolls down the side of his face. His pupils are small and frantic as they search the room.

They lock with yours.

The words he says next are telling and heart breaking.

"Yo... you're okay?..." his voice is a hoarse croak. It's exhausted and frail. It's... small. It lacks its normal grandiose and confidence. Paired with his wide eyes it was more like you were going to comfort a terrified child.

You wrap your arms around him. He remains tense. He sighs. His face turns to bury into the crook of your neck and his hands grip the back of your shirt.

"I'm fine. Are you okay?" You ask.

"... Yes..." Jiraiya spoke quietly.

That wasn't very convincing. You pet his head and give it a gentle kiss. Soon you find yourself rocking back and forth to comfort him. Jiraiya does begin to relax. His breathing began to become even again. All his tense muscles began to uncoil. You can feel his eyes close, his lashes brushing against your neck.

When Jiraiya fell back, you follow. You didn't have much choice. He clung onto you and refused to let go. You adjust yourself until you are laying comfortably overtop of him. He did seem more calm now. His heartbeat isn't as rapid. His breathing is more deep and even. His tense body was now limp.

"Did you want to talk about it?" You ask him.

"No."

You sigh. Why? Why is he so stubborn about this? It's not like admitting he has bad dreams will make you think less of him. You've been witness to what his horrible dreams does to him. Knowing the subject won't change your perspective. Even if it's as silly as tap dancing spiders or as horrible as an eldritch creature made of bloody flesh and claws that is chasing him down with no mercy. Everyone has bad dreams.

"I love you, no matter what you dream about." You whisper.

His fingers grip the back of your shirt. He inhales, holds it, then let's it out. His pulse quickens again.

"I... I don't want you to think I'm weak."

You turn your head towards him and place a kiss on his cheek. Your hand moves from his hair to nestle against his cheek.

"I could never think that." You assure, your voice in a whisper.

He sighs again and squeezes you in a tighter hug. He's holding you as if he had lost you.

"You died in front of me... and I hated it." Was all Jiraiya said, his voice barely audible.

It must have some rather grim imagery that his mind conjured up. What did his nightmare depict? How did you meet your end? You smile and simply comb his damp hair away from his face again. It's best not to ask. For now, you reassure him.

"I won't ever do that, okay?"

A soft laugh came from Jiraiya. That's a large promise. One both you and him know that it's almost impossible to keep. Yet it gives him a wave of comfort. Yes... you won't get hurt. Not while he's around. You sit up just enough to kiss him. He smiles before relaxing his lips to give you some proper kisses. He feels much better.

"Let's go back to bed." You say.

"Okay." He agreed with a deep breath.

Jiraiya didn't let you go. He rolled to his side where he's most comfortable and held you tightly against him. As always his nightmares steal more strength than they restore. Within moments he's almost asleep. Especially with your gentle hand playing with his hair again.

"Goodnight." You whisper.

"Hm.." Was the sleepy response you got.

A smile grows on your lips. Good. Good he's asleep again. He needs his rest. Hopefully it'll be a peaceful one now. You look over his shoulder and see a small figure peering from across the room. Naruto blinks at you, silently pondering if he should say something. The last few days have been weird for him. You were uneasy and Jiraiya was half crazy from lack of sleep.

You let go of Jiraiya's back to raise your finger to your lips. Who knows how much Naruto heard. That scream could have rallied the dead. You know Jiraiya well enough to know he would be mortified if Naruto said anything.

"Go back to bed." You utter in a calm and motherly tone. The youngster liked it when you spoke so lovingly to him. "We'll see you in the morning."

"Oh... okay." Naruto was hesitant. He slowly looks over Jiraiya with worry.

"Everything is fine, I promise."

He still was hesitant. After a moment, he nodded. You watch him lay back down. Soon soft snores come from the other side of the room. With both your boys back asleep, you can finally go to bed as well. You rest your head with your forehead pressed against Jiraiya's chest. With the beat of his steady heart as your lullaby, it was easy to fall asleep.

In the morning, no one talked about it. There was a sense of peace in the air. Jiraiya took some time sitting at the doorway. The rundown house was missing it's door and the frame was broken. His body blocked most of the cool air coming in. He was awake before anyone else. He brushed out the tangles in his hair as he watched the gentle drizzle of the morning rain. Sometimes the grey sight is a little calming. It's certainly nostalgic.

There's plenty reasons autumn makes him so sad. In the rain... the smell of blood can sometimes still be picked up. Occasionally he can still see three small figures awaiting him to return. The orange of the turning leaves reminding him of the fur of a certain demon. The yellow of the man who sealed it and the red of the woman who once bared it. All of these events happened when the leaves had begun to fall and the wind was cold. The bare and frosty days that follow only seem to be a reflection of his feelings.

You crawl up from behind and hold him. His head tilts and his cheek rests against yours. This time reminds him of so much loss. Yet it's a good reason to remember what he still has. Perhaps that's what he should think about at the turn of the cold season. The family he still has... One that has grown. He shut his eyes and reached around with his free hand to run his fingers through your hair. He feels quite lucky to have a spouse like you. You understood him. You understood his time worn wounds that have yet to heal. Yet they feel bandaged now. Not yet scabbed over, but they are at least protected.

These feelings are why Jiraiya so scared to lose you. It's all he dreams about in autumn. Last night it was so vivid he was sure something bad had happened. He just... loves you so much. He would break down into screaming, unable to do anything else to process your death. You were limp in his arms but still warm. He was too late. He couldn't protect you. He had failed once again.

That won't happen. Jiraiya turned his head to give your cheeks a kiss. A smile grows on your face and you happily return the affectionate little peck to his cheek.

"Are you feeling better?" You ask.

"Yeah, but I'm still tired."

You coo at him. You pet his hair back from his face. It soothes his exhausted worries. It would be so easy to fall asleep like this. All he had to do was rest his head on your shoulder and relax. His heavy eyes didn't want to open again. Your scent. Your warmth. Having you alive so close to him was lulling him to sleep.

"Alright! Let's go!" Naruto cheered as he leaped over the two cuddling adults. He landed in a pile of damp leaves out in the rain. He turns around and grins. "You awake enough to finally keep up, Pervy Sage?"

As always, the energy of this child ruins his plans. Jiraiya sat straight up and blinked. He's still tired. Not as tired as he was. He's awake enough to match Naruto's sass.

"Keep up?" Jiraiya retorted in offence. "I could've out trained you without a week of sleep!"

"Uh huh! As if! Senior citizens need at least eight hours."

"Senior!"

You grab your husband as he stood up, he was ready to fight this kid for calling him old. You aren't particularly fond of them butting heads. Naruto stuck his tongue out defiantly which only amped up Jiraiya more. He slipped from your grasp and chased the boy around, who was elated to expend some energy.

You watch the two boys with bemusement. The grin on Naruto's face was contagious. The more wicked one on Jiraiya's betrayed that he was having some fun. He did like being childish sometimes. At heart still was a kid. This is good. Expending his energy in a good way will help. He needs to unwind with some of that lighthearted fun. Maybe tonight he will rest peacefully.

Little did you know that this event would start a new sleeping ritual. At nightfall after a day of goofing around in the rain, Naruto asked to sleep closer. He didn't like being so far away. You agreed when Jiraiya was indifferent. He held you tightly like he had the night before which was all he wanted. Naruto inched closer and closer until his head rested on Jiraiya's side and body pressed against his back. It was clear Naruto didn't want to hear or see his mentor have another night terror. He wished to be close in hopes to help fend off the terrors like you had.

Jiraiya lifted his arm and pulled Naruto a little bit closer. He adjusted, finding it hard to include his annoying yet very lovable student in this cuddle. He rolled onto his back and pulled his two favourite people close. You grumbled something in your half asleep state, clearly displeased with your husband manhandling you as you try to rest. You were quick to stop complaining as your head rested on his chest. Your arm wrapped around him and you settled down. Naruto was a full on dead weight. He barely reacted to be switched around until his cheek was nuzzled against Jiraiya's abdomen. It was the perfect height to keep his hand rested on the lad's head of fluffy hair. Naruto did raise his arm to hold onto Jiraiya like he was an oversized teddy bear.

With the cuddle pile now complete, rest was much easier to come by. Being surrounded by family had reassured Jiraiya. Two wonderful people are looking out for him. The warmth of being so loved had finally chased the bad dreams away.