Author's Note: It's been a really, really long time since I've used this account, but I watched all of RWBY in a month and couldn't get this idea out of my head. It's partially inspired by the time my little sister (she was maybe 3) gave my uncle a bloody nose because she was "playing". It made me wonder, what sort of torture would Ruby and Yang have put Tai and Qrow through? Anyway, enjoy and be sure to leave a review!
Birdy
"Qrow, maybe you should go home early today," ordered Dr. Peabody, the headmistress of Signal Academy, noting Qrow's disheveled hair and inside-out tie, not to mention the overpowered scent of alcohol.
Qrow squinted at her. He knew her Semblance did not involve creating clones of herself, so that had to be double vision kicking in. "I'm fine, Lea. Just give me five minutes," he gave her what he thought was a wink, but actually came off as more of an awkward facial twitch.
She was unamused. "I know you're drunk again, Qrow. Go home and get it together."
He considered arguing, but relented and gave her a tipsy salute as he made his way out of the school and headed towards home. At least, that was his original intention. Instead of the small flat above the local tavern where he slept in-between classes and missions, he ended up on a well-worn path over a tiny footbridge that led through the woods. It ended at a familiar woodcutter's cottage. Qrow had an extra key, so he let himself in. "Tai? Are you home?" he called, but there was no answer. It was a weekday, so Tai was probably at work while the girls were at daycare.
So, he stumbled over to the couch and fell asleep. A couple hours passed, until he was eventually woken by the sound of little girls talking.
"And then I kicked the ball but then Timmy got mad at me and he pulled my hair so I did a fire and then he started crying and told the teacher on me!" Yang, who was 6, declared proudly.
"Yang, next time you can't do fire, okay," Taiyang was explaining patiently. He was holding Ruby's hand as she ignored both of them and continued singing a song about butterflies.
Qrow, from inside, panicked. He didn't want the children to see him in his drunken state, so he did the logical thing and transformed.
"Look, Daddy, a birdy!" cried Ruby, dropping her father's hand and running over to the large black crow perched on the couch.
Taiyang looked at the bird. The bird looked back at him. A brief look of irritation flashed over his face, but it was quickly replaced by a grin as he realized what was going on.
"Yes Ruby, a bird must have flown into the house while you were at school," he explained to the children. Then, an idea struck him. "Why don't you and Yang play with it while I make dinner?" He then walked away as the two children approached the bird, trying not to laugh at his brother in law's predicament.
The bird, knowing how Yang and Ruby 'played', stared after Tai as he left, silently pleading for mercy with its large red eyes. Taiyang, however, didn't speak Bird, so there was no mercy to be had.
Ruby reached out a tiny hand to pet the crow on its head. "It's soft," she realized, eyes wide with fascination.
"Look at its feathers! It's black but a little gray too. Maybe it's old!" Yang decided. The crow stretched out its wings and inspected them, rather self-consciously.
"Maybe we can color them black," said Ruby thoughtfully. Then she had another idea. "No, wait! Let's color them red so he can be red and black."
"No, I think we should color him all different colors," stated Yang authoritatively. "I'll get the paint."
The bird screeched in fear, but Ruby grabbed him with two tiny hands, pinning its wings to its body. "He's so cute!" she yelled, shaking him violently. The bird was already disoriented, so the child's vigorous movements caused him to lose consciousness.
When it came to, he found that Ruby and Yang had covered the gray spots on his feathers with blue and red paint.
"There. He's pretty now," Yang seemed satisfied with her handiwork.
"It looks tired," said Ruby, noticing his eyes blinking sleepily. "Maybe it's hungry."
"Let's feed it," agreed her older sister. They went into the kitchen and looked around.
"Yang, what do birds eat?"
Yang thought for a moment. "Cereal."
She was still too short to reach the cabinets, but she pulled herself onto the counter with a surprising amount of strength for a child. She took a bowl and a box of Pumpkin Pete's cornflakes out of the cabinet and hopped down.
"Okay, we have to pour the cereal in first," explained Yang, dumping an inordinate amount of the sugary cereal in.
"I wanna pour the milk!" insisted Ruby, and promptly dumped half of it onto the floor.
"Stop, you're only four! You're not allowed!" yelled Yang.
"No it's okay! I'll drink it!" Ruby exclaimed, sure this would fix everything. The crow screeched in horror as the four year old began licking the milk off the floor.
"Shh, our dad will hear and we'll get in trouble!" Yang told the bird angrily. "Eat your cereal." She picked up the bird and dunked its head in the milk. The crow flailed and struggled against her grip as he fought for air, but the child was too strong.
"Girls, what are you doing?" asked Taiyang as he entered the kitchen and took in the scene before him. Ruby was still licking the puddle of milk from the floor, and Yang was unwittingly drowning their new pet in the bowl.
"The birdy was hungry!" declared Ruby.
"Yang, take Birdy out of the bowl, he can't breathe. And why are his feathers blue?'
"To hide the gray streaks because he's old," Yang explained.
"He's not old! We're the same age!" said Taiyang defensively. The girls looked up at him, confused. He realized his mistake and decided to change the subject. "Now, go get Birdy cleaned off while I make dinner."
"Can we give him a bath?" asked Ruby, looking excited at the prospect.
"Uh, sure. I'm going to make dinner, make sure to let Birdy go by then."
"Yay!" the two girls ran upstairs.
They went into the bathroom and began to fill the tub with water. "What should we wash him with?" asked Ruby.
The bird watched, helpless, as Yang looked straight past her father's Rugged Wilderness soap with the masculine picture of a buff adventurer on it, and instead reached for the sparkly bottle shaped like a unicorn and advertising a 'Strawberry, Vanilla, and Bubblegum' scent. "This one. It has pink glitter in it so it will make him look nice." The bird made a sort of defeated squawking noise as Ruby giggled and dumped the obnoxiously glittery goop on his head.
They dropped the bird in the tub, and watched as he paddled through the sea of sparkling pink bubbles, head bowed in shame. Ruby brought a set of small black bath toys, which on further inspection turned out to be a herd of tiny floating Grimm.
"Oh no Birdy! The Grimm are attacking!" she yelled.
"Die!" shrieked Yang, as she flung water at the toys, successfully submerging a few. Her actions were so vigorous that water sloshed out of the tub, creating puddles that some unfortunate adult would probably step in while wearing socks later.
"We have to save Birdy from the Grimm!" cried Ruby, picking up a Grimm and squeezing it. A small stream of water squirted from its mouth and went straight into the bird's waterlogged red eyes. It cawed and made an indignant choking noise.
"Oh no! Birdy is going to get eaten. The end," decided Yang. The bird played along and flopped over in the water, pretending to be dead.
Ruby screamed. "NOOOOO! THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENS!"
"Yes it is! That's what happens when you go into the woods!" insisted Yang stubbornly.
"No! We beat them up!" argued Ruby, determined to ensure Birdy's survival.
Yang brightened at this idea. "I can do a fire!"
"And I can have a sife like Uncle Qrow!"
"No Ruby, it's a scythe," corrected Yang.
"Site!"
"No, a SCYTHE."
"Kithe?"
"Scythe."
Ruby's face contorted with effort. "Stithe."
"Never mind."
"We can be Hunters like Uncle Qrow!"
"And we can save Birdy from the Ursa!" concluded Yang.
"See, Birdy, they're not that scary," Ruby explained to their avian companion. "Uncle Qrow will come and save us." The bird gave an affectionate caw.
"Yeah! Uncle Qrow saved us from the Ursa one time," Yang told the bird. "Ruby was in the wagon and I got lost looking for my mom, and then we went to a house in the woods and I got tired, and then I saw the Grimm! We were really scared but and then Uncle Qrow came out of the sky and killed them." A somber look that didn't quite fit with her childish features crossed her face.
"I felt really bad and I cried and got snot all over him. I thought he was gonna yell but he said it was fine and picked me up and we went home." The bird nodded like it understood. It even began to look a little misty-eyed, or maybe that was just its eyes burning from the glitter.
"It was scary. I was only three," added Ruby. "But I'm four now."
A voice called from up the stairs. "Girls! Come downstairs, dinner is almost ready."
"Okay!" called Ruby. They removed the bird from the tub and violently toweled him off, setting his feathers in disarray.
"Wait, let's put him in a blanket so he doesn't get cold," Yang ran into the hallway and pulled a blanket from the closet. She wrapped the bird in it so tightly that only his beak was exposed. He attempted to wriggle away and escape, but the girls misinterpreted his squawks of discomfort. "Aww, he's so happy!"
"Yay, he's warm now!" Ruby sang, looking satisfied. "He's so cute!"
They brought the bundle downstairs and presented it to their father.
Taiyang looked down at the smothered bird and coughed in an attempt to hide his laughter. The bird glared at him from deep within the blanket. "Okay, girls. I know he's very warm and cuddly, but it's time to let Birdy go. He needs to go back to his family."
The children began to protest, but Tai remained firm. "Say goodbye to Birdy, okay?"
Yang pouted, but unwrapped the bird. It hopped to the ground and shook its feathers out, scattering pink glitter everywhere. Ruby dropped onto the floor and wrapped her tiny arms around it. "I'll miss you, Birdy," she sniffled. It gave a gentle caw in reply.
Taiyang extended a hand and the bird flew over and perched on his arm. As he walked over to the window, he remarked, "Don't look so sad, girls. Maybe Uncle Qrow will come over for dinner later." He winked at the bird (this went unnoticed by the girls, who promptly began whining about the unfairness of it all) and tossed it gently into the wind. It took flight and soared away.
Qrow flew a safe distance away and transformed back into a man before promptly turning back onto the path to the cottage. Ruby and Yang saw him coming from the window and ran out to greet him.
"Uncle Qrow!" they shrieked in unison. Ruby reached him first, but Yang slammed into him and nearly knocked him off balance.
"Pipsqueak! Firecracker!" He lifted Yang onto his shoulders and picked up Ruby. "What did you kids get up to today?"
"We went to school and Yang got in trouble for fire!" Ruby smiled up at him.
"And then we came home and found a bird and painted it so it wouldn't look old!" added Yang, who was giggling in amusement.
"What made you think it was old?" asked Qrow.
"It had gray feathers!" replied his older niece, who began playing with his hair.
"Maybe it wasn't old, just distinguished," Qrow countered.
"What does that mean?" asked Ruby.
"It means you're late for dinner, Pipsqueak," he teased as he walked them toward the house.
"Uncle Qrow," asked Yang from atop his shoulders, "Why is there pink glitter in your hair?"
"Uhh…" Qrow racked his brain for an excuse.
Taiyang appeared at the doorway of the house. "Because, Yang, it brings out the color in his eyes."
"Really, Uncle Qrow? Is that why?" asked Ruby innocently.
"Yes, Petal," he affirmed, "That's exactly why."