Author's Note: I'm excited to share my first multi-chapter SVU story! This picks up from the end of Surrender Benson and covers what I think should've happened after Olivia walked out of Cragen's office. I have always loved Olivia and Nick's friendship, and I have had fun writing for them. I hope you enjoy!

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Chapter One

The squad room went silent as they watched their detective exit the captain's office. A terror-filled two day ordeal, four days for her, had finally come to an end. They felt fortunate to get the outcome they so desperately wanted, but they understood that her recovery was far from over. Olivia Benson was not the same person that left this same squad room four days ago.

Nick watched Olivia walk away, and as she stepped out of sight, he felt his body release the breath he was sure he'd been holding since they realized she was missing. He leaned over his desk, propping himself up with his hands, willing his arms to hold his weight. The adrenaline that had kept him constantly moving for the last two days had worn off, and he felt like he could sleep for a week.

Nick was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice Fin walk up to his desk.

"Amaro, we're heading out for a drink, now that this nightmare is over. You coming?"

Nick sighed. "No, I think I'll just stay here, catch up on some paperwork."

Fin pulled up a chair. "What's wrong?"

Nick shook his head. "Nothing."

"Don't make me beg, Amaro. I won't do it," Fin said.

Nick tried to avoid Fin's gaze, knowing his fellow detective would be able to read him. "It's just…been a long two days."

"It has been, but it's over. Liv is home, and she's ok, and…"

"Is she?" Nick interrupted. "Is Liv ok? Because the woman that just left, that's not the Liv that walked out of here four days ago. That Liv is gone. She's never coming back, and it's all my fault."

"Whoa," Fin said, holding up his hands. "Cragen's office now." Nick stood and reluctantly followed Fin into Cragen's empty office. "What is all of this about?"

Nick sat down, putting his head in his hands for a moment. "What kind of partner am I, Fin? What kind of partner doesn't call for two days?"

"Amaro."

"I should've called!" Nick said, jumping up out of the chair. "I should've checked on her! She was upset, and I left her alone, and she was kidnapped! She should be dead, Fin! This is all on me!"

Fin understood how Nick felt, but he also understood how wrong Nick was. "None of this is your fault, and I guarantee that Liv doesn't blame you."

"How can she not?"

"Go talk to her," Fin pressed, knowing that hearing the words from Olivia was the only way for Nick to release his self-blame.

"What makes you think she even wants to see me?" Nick said, throwing his hands up in frustration.

"I've known Liv for a very long time. Trust me, she'll see you. Go."

Nick shrugged his shoulders. "Fine. Ok. I'll go try to talk to her."

Fin patted Nick on his shoulder. "It'll all work out, Amaro. It'll all work out."

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Things were already not going well at Brian's apartment, leading Olivia to wish that she'd chosen to go to the hotel room that 1PP reserved for her. She knew that Brian meant well, but he was hovering, almost treating her like an invalid. Depending on others had never been easy for Olivia, and the trauma she'd just experienced made her cling to her independence even more, determined to prove that Lewis hadn't taken that from her.

She wished the evening would go quicker so she could at least pretend to sleep so she would get a break from Brian's constant questions. He couldn't seem to pick up on the cues she was giving that she did NOT want to talk about the events of the last four days and continued peppering her with questions.

Although visitors were the last thing Olivia wanted, she was grateful for the reprieve the knock on the door gave her.

Brian groaned when he opened the door to see Nick standing on the other side. "What do you want, Amaro?"

Nick smirked at him. "Nice to see you too, Cassidy. I'm here to see Liv."

Brian shook his head. "She's not up for visitors right now."

"That's really her decision, isn't it?"

Brian stepped forward, crowding Nick's space. "She's NOT up for visitors right now! So get out!"

"I'm not a visitor!" Nick pressed back. "I'm her partner, and I want to see her!"

"No!"

"Stop! Both of you!" Olivia said as she walked up to them.

Brian rushed over, and Olivia held up her hands as she stepped back, startled by his advance toward her. "Sorry, I just…I'm trying to protect you."

Olivia glared at Brian. "My partner didn't kidnap me. Let him in."

Nick stepped into the apartment and immediately hugged Olivia. As they pulled away, he said, "I'm sorry. I should've asked before I touched you."

Olivia shook her head. "Its fine, Nick. I'm not afraid of you."

"I just don't want to make you any more uncomfortable than I'm sure you already are." They just looked at each other for a few moments before Nick said, "Can we talk for a few minutes?"

"Of course."

Nick followed Olivia to the couch. Brian stood in the living room, arms crossed, staring Nick down.

"Can we have some privacy?" Nick asked him.

They could both sense that Brian was about to explode, so Olivia held one of her hands up.

"Give us a few minutes, Bri."

Brian sighed. "Fine. I'll go pick up something for dinner. Any requests Liv?"

"I'm not hungry," Olivia said quietly.

Brian let out another frustrated sigh. "Come onnnnn, you have to eat something."

"Brian."

Nick clenched his fists to keep from knocking Brian out. He was acting like a child, and Nick knew that nothing about this evening so far was doing anything to help Olivia. She had to be the priority, and Brian was being incredibly selfish. Nick decided to try to take a little bit of control from Brian, so he reached over and put his hand on top of Olivia's uninjured hand.

"Liv, you really need to eat something, even if it's just a few bites. How about we get your favorite Chinese food from that place down the street from your apartment? Will you eat just a little bit? For your partner?"

Olivia gave a tiny smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, but it gave Nick a little bit of hope that maybe his Olivia was still in there. "Ok, I guess I can try," she said softly.

Nick smiled. "Great. Cassidy, I'll text you our orders."

"Oh, you're staying for dinner?" Brian asked, annoyed with Nick's continued presence in his apartment.

"If it's ok with Liv."

"That's fine with me," Olivia said.

Nick pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Cassidy with their food orders. "Thanks Cassidy," he said, a satisfied smirk on his face as his eyes met Brian's. Brian glared at Nick, but he left without a word.

Nick turned back to Olivia. "I know you care about him, but MY GOODNESS LIV, I don't know how you put up with him."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "He's not so bad, most of the time. Although tonight, he's been exceptionally hard to deal with. I know he means well, but I…let's just say that I'm glad you're here and I'm glad for a break from him."

Nick sat back against the couch, trying to get comfortable, and hoping that Olivia would follow suit. "Ok, now that it's just us, tell me how you really feel. Partner to partner."

Olivia forced a smile. "I'm ok, Nick. I'm just glad it's over."

Nick looked down at his hands in his lap before looking back up at her. "Liv, I…this may not be the right time, but I…I'm so sorry."

Olivia held up her hand, trying to silence him. "Nick, don't."

"I know, I know, but I feel so, so horrible about all of this." He couldn't stop the unexpected tears that started to fall as he moved to kneel in front of Olivia. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you. I let you down, and I will never forgive myself."

Olivia put her good hand on Nick's shoulder. "Stop beating yourself up. You're my partner, not my keeper. You can't protect me every second of every day."

Nick wiped at his tears. "You're right, but I could've not waited two days to check on you. I should've called you or come over. I should have made sure that you're ok. I should've…done something. This should've never happened. If I'd been a better partner, if I'd been your old partner, this wouldn't have happened."

Olivia carefully leaned over and wrapped her arms around Nick. Her heart was breaking for him, and she began to really understand how difficult her abduction was for her squad. "It's ok," she whispered, rubbing his back. "I'm ok, Nick. I'm here, I'm alive, and I'm going to be ok. It's over now. Lewis is going to prison, and we'll move on from this."

Nick finally pulled away. He carefully took Olivia's hands in his and squeezed her uninjured hand. "I'm glad you're alive. You're my best friend, Liv. If you'd died in that house, it would've killed me too."

"I'm so glad that you're in my life, and I'm so glad you're my partner. I didn't feel any sense of safety or relief until you walked into that house. When I saw you, I knew that everything was going to be ok. Thank you for being there, and thank you for being here now." She blew out a breath of air, trying not to cry again. "Wow, those were a lot of feelings we just said out loud," she said.

Nick couldn't help his chuckle. "Yeah, we don't really do that, but I'm glad we did. I meant every word."

"Me too," Olivia said.

Nick returned to his spot on the couch next to her, and the partners sat together in silence, both lost in their thoughts as they processed the events of the last few hours. A short time later, Brian returned to the apartment with their food. They quietly ate dinner together, and with Nick's calm encouragement, Olivia managed to choke down about half of her meal. When they were finished eating, Nick and Brian could both tell that Olivia was tired and needed to attempt to get some sleep. Brian hoped this would finally be the moment he could rid his apartment of Nick's presence.

As they all rose from their places at the table, Brian said, "Thanks for stopping by Amaro, but Liv needs her rest, so it's time for you to head out."

Nick looked back and forth between Olivia and Brian. "Actually, Liv, I…I know Cassidy is here, and he'll take care of you, but I…would you mind if I stayed here tonight? On your couch? Just so I…so I know you're safe?"

Brian let out a frustrated laugh. "No! No, you're not staying here, Amaro!"

"Stop," Olivia said softly. "That's fine with me, Nick. I'd be glad to have you here. I'm sure it will help me feel safer knowing that you're here too."

Brian stormed out of the room, saying nothing.

"Thank you," Nick said as he gave Olivia another quick hug. "Let me know if you need anything. I hope you can get some sleep."

"Goodnight Nick."

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When Olivia walked into the bedroom, Brian was already in bed. She walked hesitantly over to the bed. Brian looked up and could sense her hesitation.

"What?" he asked.

"I just…I think I'm going to sleep in the other room."

"Are you scared of me?" Brian asked accusingly.

She shook her head. "No. I'm just…not sure I'm ready to share a bed just yet."

Brian sighed. "Come on, Liv. It'll be fine. Let's just get some sleep."

Olivia didn't want to sleep next to Brian, but she didn't have the energy to try to argue with him, at least not tonight. She slowly climbed into bed, trying unsuccessfully to avoid agitating her injuries. By the time she laid down next to Brian, she was nearly in tears, from pain and from frustration. As Brian slept, her thoughts drifted to the last conversations she had with Lewis, both when he was conscious and when she thought he wasn't.

"My old partner, he'd know what to do."

She was right. He would've known what to do. Although it had been over two years since they'd seen each other, there was no doubt in Olivia's mind that Elliot would've made Lewis suffer miserably for what he did to her. There was also no doubt in Olivia's mind that if it Elliot had been there, Lewis would've left the beach house in a body bag.

Olivia bit her lip to keep from bursting into sobs. She was angry at herself for thinking about him, missing him, wanting him in her most vulnerable moments. Shaking her head, she tried to force him out of her mind. She had Nick, Brian, and the rest of her squad to help her through this. She wasn't Elliot's problem anymore.

But as she closed her eyes, she couldn't push his face out of her mind. "Oh well," she said softly to herself. If it would help her sleep, she would let Elliot destroy Lewis in her dreams.