After a few more months, I was able to get closer to him on a regular basis. I was used to being his nurse, but if a hand was raised, for completely helpful reasons even I'd just flinch.

Gabe began to distance himself, worrying over everything with Jack, trying to make things right and doing it the only way they thought possible. Despite my repeated requests of him being around more.

But my skin was painful, touch hurt, even Jack. I thought I'd dealt with this, I don't have vivid memories flooding my thoughts, instead it's a constant chronic ache in my skin.

" thank you mom!" John said as he leaned over to hug me, the pain jolted through my body and I broke the chair. My brain tried to process the situation, I almost hurt my son over a hug... he just looked startled.

" I'm so sorry my darling" I whispered as I sunk into the floor.

" I don't understand—-" he said, confusion etched across his face.

I locked myself in my office, downed everything I could find.

I was doing fine, what the fuck happened? What snapped? What opened up this layer of trauma I thought I handled? What made me snap? I almost hurt my baby. I just threw a chair far away from him. He wasn't in danger. You are in danger. I breathed deeply and started sobbing, not realizing that Genji had pried his way into my locked room.

" This is going to be unethical, but I think this is what you need, I need you to follow me" Genji said.

For some reason my brain calmed just enough to take his hand. He walked with me, out of the house and into the barn.

" don't panic, I asked him to do this and he willingly agreed, you need to sit and listen to him fully" Genji said as he sat me in a chair.

I couldn't hear the animals outside. It was so dark, just a dark figure shadowed next to Genji.

" Get it out" Gabe said.

My stomach cramped, I would have vomited but I couldn't. Nothing was working besides my skin feeling like it was crawling off me. My body was shaking and shivering. I shook my head to indicate no.

" You need this, come on" Gabe said.

" stop it!" I yelled.

I want my husband, I need my husband.

" This is our best option right now" Genji said as if reading my thoughts.

" I don't want to hurt anyone" I said.

" That's a lie, your withdrawn self is aching for this" Gabe said. He got closer and closer until he was in my face.

" I need you to release this pain" Genji said.

" I can't" I hear my voice say.

" you can" Gabe replied.

My stomach was in knots, and when he touched my skin, I lost it.

I started screaming, my body crumpled into a ball, my nails digging into my own skin.

" you have to get this out" Genji said as calmly as possible.

" GET WHAT OUT?" I screamed hysterically.

" everything you are holding in, everything you've been holding in, let it out, let it all pour out of you!" Genji nearly yelled now.

" I want to hate you!" I yelled.

" why the hell don't you?!" Gabe replied.

" Maybe I deserved it!"

" That's such shit Angela" Gabe answered, frustration and shock registering.

" Is it?! Because I'm the one playing with chemicals! I'm the one that gave up her son because I couldn't look at him or handle the world—- I disobeyed the laws, I haven't been exactly ethical!" I replied hoarsely.

" I killed people in cold blood, you are comparing these completely opposite scenarios. You are smarter than this, get this shit in line"

" no"

" No, what?! Brainwashed or not, I held onto aggression towards you. I can vaguely remember—- I…. It doesn't matter what I think. Because you are fighting the mirror."

" What if it makes the most sense" I whispered.

" it doesn't"

" how do you—"

" I've been there, you may want to destroy yourself, but you have a family now. They love you, they want you to not be afraid of this shit anymore" Gabe said.

" Gabe! I'm a fucking monster! I have these thoughts and things that go through my head and—-"

" YOU DIDN'T CHOOSE THAT! Look at you?! I've been baiting you, triggering you on purpose and you still aren't fighting me! As the catalyst of your shit—- wouldn't you be tearing me limb from limb by now?! But you aren't! You are standing there, sobbing and blaming yourself! It's been ten years, ten! And you haven't had an unsupportable violent outburst" Reyes said as he let out a long frustrated sigh.

" well I—" I started.

" NO! No ifs ands or buts! You've changed! You have it under control. So what if you have moments of anxiety?! You don't act on it!" He said.

Before I knew it, I had let out a long and frustrated scream. And that's when I noticed he was upset by it. A dark, horrified look crossed over his face. His hands held his ears as he backed away.

" what?" I breathed.

He took a moment to gather his thoughts, and to calm himself down as well. The tense frustration was lingering.

" I can't hear you scream without seeing it all over again, I can't get the feeling out of my body or mind" he says.

" So it never brought you immense joy?"

" I'm an ass, I understand this. But that was— what— it shouldn't have been that way" he said.

" no shit" I replied.

" I'm working through it, I am trying anyways" he said.

" trying what?"

" to make up for this shit"

" how"

" I don't know" he responded. He actually looked…. Devastated.

" I've moved on from-"

" Did you not witness what happened?!" He said as he focused on keeping his tone less aggressive.

" that's a trauma response—"

" that I caused" he said softly.

" yes but,"

" We can beat around this all day, and no matter what. I've ruined your mind. I—"

" No Reyes, you didn't. Max— Talon… they've all had a hand in this, and you are the only one here, giving a shit about what happened. That makes you different! That makes everything different!" I forced the words out of my mouth, hardly believing what I was saying.

He was on his knees now, his head hung down low as he let out some shaky breaths.

" What can I do?" He whispered.

" you are already doing it, by being a better person than the fucking man I met before. You aren't bad! You made a series of mistakes and bad decisions. But that doesn't make you terrible or unworthy of whatever it is you want" I said as my composure was starting to plummet. I sank down to the floor next to him, my hand apprehensively reached out and touched his shoulder. He flinched in response but I didn't falter.

" I'm sorry" he mumbled.

" And I'm sorry that happened to you" I replied gently.

" yeah well"

" don't, we could argue this all day, we don't need to keep rehashing this. You are guilty, I'm guilty. We need to move beyond this and forward. And our sons seem pretty damn happy together, so if you came in between that then I'd have to go—"

" yeah yeah, I know" he replied with a chuckle.

" So we are okay?" I asked as he began to stand up, offering his hand to me as I grasped it.

" as okay as the two of us can be" he replied with a shrug.

—-

We left the barn eventually, Genji had left at some point, maybe he wasn't there at all. But I could feel Jack's gaze from the window, I know he's been anxious. I know he's been trying to work through this with me.

I went into the house, the door rattling behind me as I bumped into him, immediately latching myself onto my exhausted husband.

" Are you—" he tried to ask but I lifted myself up, wrapping my legs around him and kissed him.

His strong hands cradled me as he returned the kiss gratefully. I pressed my forehead against his and let out a content small sigh. The warmth of his smile brushed against my cheeks.

" I was so worried" he whispered.

" Did you think I'd hurt him?"

" no, I just worried that talking with him wouldn't help. That it would just exacerbate it" he whispered back.

" Well it helped, so thank you" I replied. I bumped my nose against his before deepening our kisses, the tingling sensation replacing the pain.

" We still have guests here" He whispered between kisses.

" they know how to entertain themselves" I replied as my hands rubbed his neck.

" yes but—-fuck" he let out the grunt of pleasure as I lightly nibbled his ear. He turned on his heels and carried me up to the bedroom.

Balancing me on him as he locked the door of our bedroom, before gently laying me onto the bed, I pulled him down immediately. Our bodies tangled together, panting. He paused after a bit, chewing on his lip briefly and trying to find words.

" it's fine, I'm fine—- mostly fine" I said as I kicked off my shoes before trailing my foot down his leg.

" Are you absolutely sure about this?" He asked.

I sat up and nodded at him, my hand resting on his cheek as I searched his face.

He kissed my hand, before kissing up my arm slowly.

" I love you" I whispered as I laid back down.

We eventually made our way back downstairs, the boys were thankfully still out, Genji and Gabe were still out, before walking the property together. They liked making sure of the security beyond the machines and devices. Nothing could substitute them.

Jack's arms wrapped around my waist as we watched them from afar.

" I'm glad you feel better, I know it will take time but, if there is anyone who can handle this, it's you" Jack said sincerely.

" thank you"

" Thank you for giving it a try" he replied.

" of course" I answered.

"So what next?" He asked.

" whatever you want"

" I already have that"

" nothing could elevate that?"

" Nothing at all my darling" he replied with sincerity.

I rested my head on his chest, his arms folded protectively over my back, one hand lightly rubbing my spine in relief. He didn't feel as tense around me. The tension combined with mine before was making matters worse. Now I'm laying here, only feeling small jabs of pain, but no aggressive jolts of anxiety.

I could bask in the warm, comforting grip he had over me. I pressed my lips to his chest and heard him sigh happily.

" I love you, you know that?" He says with a yawn.

" romantic" I teased as I moved my head up to lay against his neck.

" You got me, king of romance" he laughed as he ran his hand up my arm to hold me tighter.

" I know I did" I replied, kissing his chin.

" You know I love you too" I added as I felt his facial muscles pull into a tired smile.

" Thank you" he replied, kissing my temple.

A few years later:

Angela was sitting in her office, the snow swirling outside, she could hear Jack cooking in the kitchen, the soft hum of music coming from Gareth's room, and the wind against the wood structure.

Her mouth twitched into a slight frown, more data to input and rarely enough answers to sort through. Her eyes flitted over to the photo of John in his own Overwatch gear. He wouldn't be back for the holidays this year, with it being Gareth's last year of schooling, she knew he would be out of the nest soon too. So Jack was taking full advantage of the holidays to cook up a storm, and spend time with his son.

Gareth was a blend of both of them. He kept his hair dyed darker colors, he was by far more artistic than Jack and Angela combined. He played a few instruments, wanted to tour with Lucio. He had no idea about Lucio's plans for him. Angela couldn't be more proud, not that she wasn't proud of both of her sons. She was incredibly proud of John, but it was nice having a son that didn't want to make the same career decisions.

She sipped the cold coffee, crinkling her nose before letting out a disappointed sigh. But her husband's soft tapping on the door immediately quelled any upset feelings.

He entered with the fresh pot, closing the door behind him before refilling her mug, she had a smirk on her face, and planted a kiss on his neck. His body shuddered in response to it as he kissed her forehead.

" Thank you" she whispered.

" you know you—"

" I do, I always do" she replied before kissing his lips.

" Well, you don't need too" he replied between kisses.

" but I love to!" she replied with a smile.

" Maybe I love to make you happy in every single way I can" he responded before pulling away for a moment.

Her eyes searched his face, eyes twinkling with that mysterious sneaky face he'd get.

" what?" She said, arching a brow.

" a mystery never reveals itself until the proper moment" he answered as he flung open the door to leave her office. But she crossed the room as quickly as possible but Jack just smiled at her.

" I can't tell you" he said as she huffed in annoyance.

" you know I hate surprises"

" you will love this one, or two" he replied before planting a gentle kiss on her forehead.

She grumbled before returning to her warm cup of coffee and pile of paperwork.

He was truly trying his best to make the holiday as memorable as possible, especially without John being there. But he did have all their closest friends coming for a visit, and that usually made the entire house seem brighter.

Gareth was softly strumming his guitar in the corner, Jack was getting steaming mugs of hot chocolate ready while Angela lounged on the couch, content to be watching those she loved.

The quietest knock at the door sent Jack across the room with a huge smile plastered on his face. The door flung open to Lena, Emily, Lucio and Hana.

Angela had flown to her friends arms, getting lost for a moment in the embraces of each of them. Gareth was shyly holding back, being around Lucio was intimidating for him, even if he grew up knowing him as an uncle. Lucio of course complained he was far too young to be! But nevertheless he took on the role of it.

" how's my favorite aspiring…. Wait, not aspiring anymore! How's my favorite musician?" Lucio asked approaching Gareth, who was trying his best not to panic over the compliments.

" Just working on something" he replied as he pushed back his hair, securing it into a low ponytail.

" ah yeah? Maybe you want to play it?"

" what? No! I couldn't"

" Gareth has been playing it for days, I'm pretty sure if we went over Angela's voice recordings it would be in the background" Jack said with a laugh. Gareth's face flushed crimson but Lucio just patted his shoulder.

" That's how we get better and work on things" he said.

" Amazing that commander oxton could get time off but not my son" Angela teased her friend.

" hey! It's his first year, you know how it goes!" Lena replied, feigning hurt feelings.

" I'm so happy to have you here" Angela said, hugging her again.

" Well I'm no replacement but I probably eat as much as him! Speaking of which!" Lena said as she dug into her bag and presented a tin.

" did they really?" Angela squealed as she held out her hands to take it.

" not until Christmas!" Lena chided and Angela sighed.

" Are you withholding chocolate from my wife?" Jack called out.

" It's from your son; and well. You know " she said with a giggle.

"I can wait" Angela said as she flopped onto the couch.

" I'm sure you will be fine" Jack teased.

She shot him a look of annoyance, his response? A dazzling smile and a wink. Angela was able to remain annoyed through most things, but that look on his face could always melt her immediately. The spark they've always had hasn't grown weaker with time, instead it's stronger each year, which sets ridiculously high standards for their sons. John has shown more tendencies to want to be with Cole, and with all the lessons learned at Overwatch before, they don't conceal it, but don't flaunt it exactly. Gareth however, is more introverted, more happy to be among music, and notebooks.

So his bond with Lucio was something that made both Jack and Angela happy, as long as he has a friend or two, they were happy. It's how Gareth enjoys things and it's not harming his mental health.

Angela, Lena and Emily were cozied on the couch, chattering about this and that while Gareth strummed his guitar softly. Hana was perched on the armrest next to Lucio, her eyes sparkling with adoration of her partner. They often had separate tours, her for gaming and his for music, but the holidays always brought them together.

Jack gently set a plate of Basler Brunsli cookies between the women who happily nibbled the chocolate almond spice cookies. Angela leaned her head back and kissed him, his cheeks lightly flushed as he walked back into the kitchen.

" aw!" Hana cooes.

Gareth rolled his eyes and returned to his song.

The evening was relaxing, everyone settled into their rooms eventually, but the stronger the snowfall, began to beckon them outside.

Gareth laughed from his window as the adults scrambled about having a midnight snowball fight. His dad Hana clearly victorious as the others were completely covered in snow.

—-

The next few days were full of joy and leisure, eventually Ana and Reinhardt showed up. Angela was still the only doctor he would allow to administer medication to him, and the old injuries seemed to be acting up. But all was well with them.

" Have you two have seen the progress on the statue?" Ana said, sipping her tea.

Jack and Angela let out soft laughter. They thought the whole idea was ridiculous, dedicating a statue to them and their war efforts. The entire thing was more bothersome to Angela than anything.

" One year they are tearing down your statue, erasing all existence of you, a decade later and you are suddenly heroes again!" Jack's tone wavered from the sheer irony of the situation.

" You still work for them you know" Ana laughed reaching for another biscuit.

" Do we!? I nearly had forgotten…. What with Commander Oxton leading everyone around!" Jack dramatically stated, flourishing the spatula.

" oy! I didn't take your job, you gave it to me!" Lena chirped.

" I know I know" Jack chuckled.

" And what about you? Ready to resign even more!?" Ana stated to Angela, who shrugged as she sipped her coffee and absently dipped a cookie into it.

She had thought about it, but every time she tried, she would find something new to focus and research. Jack's hands rubbed her shoulders gently as he stated " we all know she won't".

" And neither will you" Ana said.

" You are one to talk! Still doing undercover work huh?" His tone was jovial but he was very serious. Ana kept finding herself caught up in old business, and she loved it.

" It's the old people who never retire club" Lucio laughed.

" respect your elders!" Reinhardt boomed with a stern look that made Lucio gulp. But Reinhardt can only remain stern for so long after a joke. His loud laughter echoed through the wooden walls.

Gareth even laughed and stated " yeah, you two just won't quit"

" You never asked us too" Angela pointedly stated, no matter how much work, she did make sure that she was there raising him and helping him as much as he needed, but being vastly more independent he didn't crave as much as she would have liked to have had herself.

" I know I know" he replied, before wandering over and giving her a quick hug around her shoulders.

Angela melted into her son's random embrace.

" don't say I never hug you" he stated as he stole a cookie off her plate.

" oh, I see…." Angela said with half a smile.

" moooom" Gareth whined.

" mooooooooom" joined Hana, Lucio and Lena excitedly.

Angela burst into laughter, handing Gareth another cookie and pulling him into a tighter hug. He didn't mind though; he never did, it's not that he personally didn't want to hug her, he just rarely felt the need to do so.

Not when Jack showered her constantly in whatever she needed.

" You are a ridiculous group; I don't know why I come to these parties you host" Ana joked.

" We don't know why we keep inviting a grumpy grandma" Lena chuckled.

" children! Behave!" Ana stated.

" aw lighten up" Lucio jokes.

" Oh, that can be arranged" Ana said with a grin.

" oh, no, that's okay! I'm….."

" Are you scared?"

" I'm not scared! Alright, maybe a little! I don't know what spy things you have in your pockets!"

" So talented, so clueless" Ana sighed.

" I think that was an insult" Hana said.

" I'm pretty sure it was" Lucio said.

" from her? It's a compliment" Reinhardt replied.

Angela still has some reflexive triggers, but now when Gabe hugs her upon arrival on Christmas, she doesn't flinch. Her hands brushed snow off his coat as she took it from him. They didn't want him alone on the holiday, as Cole was on base with John.

The rest of the group was still a bit apprehensive with him, warrants expired in most states and regions so Lena had nothing to report. He disappeared into the kitchen with Jack, both extravagant cooks and both still trying to outdo each other. Jack's laugh rang out as they toasted with beer before adding yet another dish on the menu for the evening's feast.

Genji arrives a bit later, his skin flushed with cold, the work was continuing on rebuilding his limbs, but a lot of it was still metal implanted. He spent most of his time with Zenyatta and the monks, he already was nearly done with the undercover Overwatch work. Offering therapy to agents who couldn't deal, offering a peaceful getaway to people who needed it. His arms wrapped around Angela when he saw her. Her light laughter alerted Jack that another guest had arrived. He smiled to himself, pleased that Genji managed to keep his promise to come.

" No brother?" Asked Jack.

" Hello to you too! Asshole" Genji said.

" Wow, all that time with the monks hasn't mellowed you yet?" Gabe snorted.

" I am calm, but you are still an ass" Genji remarked.

" Oh Genji, what's wrong?" Lena said, patting the spot next to her, he sat down immediately and began to speak to her in hushed tones. Angela's face tugged into a frown as she glared at her husband and Gabe, Jack showed remorse but Gabe just shrugged it off.

Angela knew better than to pry but after a moment he pulled Angela aside and spoke softly to her about the recent mess he got into. His eyes looked distant as he spoke about fighting outside the temple. People taking advantage of their hospitality, which they would never mind, but the hospitality was being taken and used for attempted new crime sprees. It wasn't caused by the usual things. Just a bunch of rich people taking advantage of the services.

" ya haven't left Overwatch yet, we can always rehire you or transfer you to another position. " Lena suggested.

" retiring is on my mind, I want to build my own small team" Genji said with a sigh.

" Are you really thinking of retirement?" Emily asked.

" Yeah, it's a job that I don't need. I'm not doing much there either"

" I'm sure that isn't true" Angela said.

Her friend narrowed his eyes and sighed, he looked just as lost as he did all those years ago. She felt his internal struggle and attempted to vocalize the struggle. It's almost like he's dealing with everything again.

Her hands pressed against his as they laced themselves together.

" You know your decision, retire, do what YOU want to do" Angela said reassuringly.

He offered a smile in return and a sigh of relief.

" No sense in working yourself up over this, I'm guessing the therapy hasn't helped as much ?" Lena asked matter of factly.

" What I accomplish at the temple is better. I'm grateful for the opportunities but it's just not for me. Instead, I think meditation will be my primary focus, teaching and doing it for myself more" his voice was calm and direct.

" I'm happy for you" Angela said with a pleased nod.

" revolving doors, join leave join leave join leave join leave! Oi! Jack! What retiring number are you on?" Lena called out, tossing her head back to stare upside down at the men in the kitchen.

" ten?" Gabe said.

" More like twelve" Reinhardt said.

" as if you are one to talk!" Ana scoffed while Reinhardt feigned being hurt.

" Overwatch isn't just an organization for peace, it's a cult" Lucio chuckled.

" Angela hasn't quit yet " Emily voiced.

" It's because Angela is the valuable one" Jack said with a grin.

" It's true" Ana said with a laugh.

" I am not! We all have value and skills" Angela said with a huff.

" uh have you seen your list of accomplishments?" Gabe asked.

" what hasn't she done?" Lucio questioned.

" I think she hasn't taken down a bear with her bare hands" Jack stated.

The room full of friends took turns coming up with ridiculous ideas of things Angela hasn't done, ranging from whale wrangling to peanut salesman.

" Is this what Overwatch was like?" Gareth quietly asked.

" oh, it was much worse, it seemed like nonstop fighting and humanitarian missions but in reality it was a lot of traveling and filling time with random discussions, or falling in love I guess" Ana said with a shrug.

" I still don't fully understand why it went away, then came back, but wasn't really gone, because somehow the covert got disbanded and the regular became the covert, and everyone was actually working together— it doesn't make sense" Gareth said.

" I may have been a large ringleader in it, and it still doesn't make complete sense to me either. If you don't understand the sheer amount of politics and red tape that went into everything our organization dealt with, then you won't understand. It's confusing, but I can try to draw you a basic understanding of it" Ana stated.

" Could you maybe draw one for me? Because I was there and I'm still lost" Angela laughed.

" I don't think any of us understood it, but it was needed and helped save a ton of lives" Lena's response calmed the room for a while.

Eventually more food and drink was consumed. The holiday evening was winding down, Ana and Reinhardt had already turned in for the evening.

Angela was watching her friends slowly head off to bed, Jack was keeping a watchful eye as she swirled the wine in her glass before taking another sip. The way her head tilted caught the light, creating a shining light in her eyes. He still felt weak whenever she would catch his eye, her lips tugged into a smirk as he blushed in response.

When the room cleared, they put away the plates and cups, before his strong arms circled around her petite frame.

" have I told you—"

" How much you love me? Not within the hour, and I am feeling quite snubbed my love" she said with a fake sniff of despair.

" Is that so?!" He grumbled as he squeezed her, eliciting a soft squeal of approval as he kissed down her jawline then neck.

" We have company" Angela hissed softly as she followed his hands down her body.

" I want to take you for a walk" he said softly into her ear before giving it the softest bite.

" it's freezing out" she whispered as he lightly rubbed her partially exposed thigh. But the way she gripped onto his hand when he moved under her dress said otherwise.

" Is it?" He whispered as she tilted her head back into his chest.

" fine!" She grumbled as she walked to her coat, and tossed him the old 76 jacket. It was retired except on special occasions, but it being Christmas Eve it felt like the proper time to break it out again.

" remember when you gave me back my shoe-"

" I should have told you then" he said quickly.

" It's a fond memory now, no more sorrow with it. I'm choosing to let it make me smile" Angela whispered, pressing her lips to his. He frowned for a moment before giving into the kiss, her fingers pulling on the old leather jacket to get him closer.

" But, I probably wouldn't have reacted very well, I must say, I was drunk and furious."

" Because of me?"

" how would—- no! The first date I chose to go on was with a conceited pompous jerk"

" It was a date!"

" you knew this, Genji insisted that I put myself back out there-"

" he meant himself"

" Well I know that now!"

" things could have gone so differently" He said with a sigh.

" no, not really. I loved him but not like that. I was still in love with you, nobody could ever compare, or come close"

" me!?"

" Yes you! Emphasis on ``I tried' it was a failure" she said as she kissed his jaw.

" that's so sad, I don't want to think about you being miserable"

" I'm not miserable, I have you and there's only you" she whispered.

" I meant; if I hadn't revealed myself to you you would have been lonely?"

" you would have come around again"

" ah, so modest"

" what? You didn't move on, you know exactly how it felt. You didn't have anything else or anyone else" Angela stated as she placed her hands on her hips defiantly.

" we are talking about this like—"

" It was forever ago, I'm sorry I brought it up" Angela said, digging her boot into some fresh snow.

" no, I— I'm fine with it, I'm surprised how fine with it I am. I just feel bad that you feel you couldn't do better than me"

Her eyes squinted at him in disbelief as she let out a laugh.

" We have two wonderful children together, adult children might I add, and you still think you aren't worthy of me?" She said while shaking her head.

" you are my best everything" he whispered as he pulled her into a long kiss.

" are you trying to avoid the self esteem talk because—" she started but stopped when he trailed a hand up her spine, holding her close against him.

" I'll let you have this, just this one time. But I love you, there's no man more suited to me than you, you are incredible" she said staring at him in the eyes.

He chuckled as he laughed " show mercy" he said in mock surrender.

Her hands lightly slapped his arms as she let out a frustrated groan.

" you sure you mean all those things? Even after that?"

" yes, even after that"

" I love you"

" I love you too".

A/N:

Thank you for reading this, thank you for your comments, messages and general kindness. Thank you. Extra thanks to: CyborgNinja777, Chaosdynasty, ayumiiishinozakiii, Trokxy, robot584, jfm76, Kirabeta, dragontear365, TheMdogs and L0rdOfThEMemes