Chapter Twenty: Savages

Underneath it all we're just savages

Hidden behind shirts, ties and marriages

How could we expect anything at all?

We're just animals still learning how to crawl

~ Savages; MARINA

A/N: Things take a bit of a dark turn in this chapter. Nothing extreme or severe but certainly not light-hearted.

Warnings: memory manipulation through magic.

This chapter marks 2/3 of the way through the story! For those hanging out for a Remix reunion, don't worry, it's coming quite soon ;)

There were some women whom pregnancy suited. Narcissa was one of these women. Every time Phoenix saw her cousin, Narcissa was practically glowing. She radiated life and vibrant energy, never looking anything less than impeccable. If not for the obvious bump, one might never even know that she was pregnant.

Phoenix was not one of these women. Though the nausea of her first trimester had passed, the second trimester brought no respite. Her feet felt swollen and sore, and her back ached despite the various charms and potions that Camille used to help her. She tossed restlessly through the night, impeded by her growing bump. She had dark circles under her eyes and a perpetually sour mood that her husband's increased absences and clandestine meetings in the deepest hours of the nights only worsened.

Phoenix didn't know if it was spite that led her to return for her next check-up at St Mungo's without telling Evan. After all, when he wasn't working he was out and about with his Death Eaters friends, acting as though it was mysterious rather than dangerous. Nonetheless, she had decided that if he was allowed to do things on his own, then so was she. She was his wife, not his property, after all.

A small blonde child toddled into the ward, giggling to himself. He was followed by Heather, who scooped him up and gently chastised him. Phoenix guessed that this must be her son. As the Healer approached Phoenix, her eyes cast around for Evan. When she realised Phoenix was alone, her smile broadened.

"Your husband isn't with you today."

"He's busy with work." Phoenix plastered a saccharine smile across her features, turning her attention upon the toddler in Heather's arms. "Is this your son?"

"It is. Sorry, my shift is just about to end and his grandparents dropped him around earlier than I expected." Heather stroked the boy's hair. "Aren't you going to say hello, Cedric?"

"Hello," the boy said shyly.

Phoenix couldn't help but smile. Heather set Cedric down, and the boy took a seat on one of the chairs, little legs swinging impatiently back and forth. She went about checking Phoenix's vitals, confirming that everything was normal with the baby. The door to the ward swung open, and Phoenix had to stop herself from gaping when Lily Evans—no, Lily Potter now—entered with a bump of her own.

"Lily?"

"Phoenix?" The redhead appeared equally surprised, eyebrows raising as she examined Phoenix's prominent stomach. She was, after all, six months pregnant now. "I didn't know that you and Evan were expecting a baby."

"I didn't know you and James were." With the all-clear from Heather, Phoenix slipped off the bed and walked over to the other woman. "When are you due?"

"Late July. You?"

It figured. She'd popped, but not quite as much as Phoenix.

"Mid June."

Phoenix hadn't seen Lily since her wedding, and she hadn't anticipated that Lily and James would be having a child so soon. Not that she could really say anything, considering her own condition. Like Narcissa, pregnancy seemed to suit Lily, and she cradled her bump affectionately. Phoenix wondered whether she would love her baby that much.

"What are you having?" Phoenix asked.

"A boy." Lily smiled. "We have some names in mind. What about you?"

"A girl." Phoenix traced her fingertips over her stomach. Malcolm's disappointment was still palpable, though Camille and Walburga remained ecstatic about the addition to the family. Her heart hurt when she thought of Regulus, of how he would have been with his niece. Something must have changed in her expression, because Lily's face clouded.

"Phoenix, I...I heard about Regulus. I am so sorry. I know we never got on with him during school but…"

"It doesn't matter now," Phoenix said quietly. It still hurt to think about Regulus, and Lily's sympathy made her feel uncomfortable. She forced her lips into a smile. "I'm starving. I'm going down to the cafeteria to get something to eat. I'm glad you and James and the baby are well."

Waving goodbye to Heather and little Cedric, Phoenix strode out of the ward, her stomach rumbling. She hadn't been lying, she really was hungry. Once she reached the cafeteria, she got pasta and sat at a table by herself. It made her realise how much she was enjoying being in her own company. Almost all the time she was with Evan, or Camille, or Walburga. It felt nice to take a moment for herself.

"Mrs Rosier?"

The use of her married name made her frown immediately as she looked up to see who was speaking to her. It was a brown-haired man with gentle eyes that she vaguely recognised. Phoenix mulled over his face, and thought he'd been perhaps a few years above her at Hogwarts. He gestured to the empty chair across from her.

"May I sit?"

Phoenix swirled her fork through her spaghetti. "You may, but you'll have to tell me your name."

"You don't remember me?" His lips quirked into a wry smile as he dragged the chair out and sat down. "I suppose you wouldn't. I was already in my fifth year by the time you started at Hogwarts. I'm Frank Longbottom."

"Right," Phoenix said, as if that explained everything. His robes indicated that he was an Auror, which therefore made her wary about him. Few people knew what her husband really was, and what he was capable of.

"My wife Alice is pregnant, too." Frank gestured to Phoenix's obvious bump. "Baby boy due at the end of July, but I'd guess you're further along than that."

"I'm due in June." Phoenix's cool tone made it obvious she wasn't here for small talk. "Look, I don't mean to be rude, Frank, but you said yourself I don't remember you from school. So I'm guessing there's something more to you sitting with me than just old times."

"I heard your twin brother was a Death Eater." Frank leaned forward on his elbows, and Phoenix's fork paused over her meal. "I heard he defected, and that he was killed because he betrayed Lord Voldemort."

Phoenix's response was stony silence. Though she wasn't surprised that word of Regulus's fate had reached the Auror Department, she wasn't certain what Frank was angling at. She clenched her jaw and stared down at her food.

"I didn't mean to upset you." Frank's voice was gentler this time. "I only meant that...I know you're aware of some unsavoury characters. If you ever found out anything you might want to speak to someone about…"

"What kind of things?" Phoenix jerked her head up to meet his eyes. "What are you implying, Frank?"

Her heart was hammering in her chest. If Evan knew she was here talking to Frank about this shit...Merlin she didn't even want to think about what kind of conversation that would be, but it wouldn't be a pleasant one.

He held up his hands defensively. "I'm sure you know we are in difficult times, Phoenix. People are being urged to come forth with information about the activities of Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters. I just thought, as someone whose twin had been involved…"

"You thought I might know something." Phoenix's voice was clipped, and she folded her arms over her chest. "Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Frank."

"Just know that I'm a safe person to talk to. Anyone who comes forward to the Ministry is offered protection. For themselves, their children…"

His eyes flicked meaningfully to her stomach. Phoenix's first trimester nausea had passed, but she still thought she was going to throw up. She wanted to laugh in his face at his offer of protection. There was no one who could save her, or help her. She had dug her way into this situation, without any hope of dragging herself out.

"Thank you, Frank. I'll bear that in mind."

She rose to her feet and walked away from the table, her entire body shaking with trepidation. Did the Ministry know what Evan was? She hoped she had been able to maintain her cool to a passable extent, for Evan would blame her if his identity exposed. The war was dangerous, but she had never realised until now that there was a possibility she could be dragged, against her will, into the middle of it.

Evan had a habit of informing Phoenix that she wasn't permitted to venture downstairs during certain Death Eater meetings. As with anything he strictly forbade, she willfully ignored him. She didn't care about him and his stupid Slytherin friends drinking brandy, talking about their dark deeds and rolling their eyes at their cushy Ministry positions.

Phoenix had made it abundantly clear since the early days of their marriage that she wasn't going to be controlled by her husband. It made her sad to realise that she would probably never be able to pursue a career, especially in becoming a mediwitch as Regulus had once suggested. She had finally opened her Hogwarts letter recently, her fingers shaking as they brushed over the dusty paper. Her results had been exemplary, and Phoenix felt that she had wasted her life by becoming a Death Eater's wife—and soon, the mother of his child.

"Are you absolutely certain?" It was Mitchell Avery's voice, mocking and derisive. Phoenix frowned and stopped outside the sitting room, wondering who exactly he was speaking to in such a tone. Her fingers curled tightly around the handle of the mug of tea she'd fetched herself from the kitchen—a simple task Camille would have gotten a house elf to do, but Phoenix didn't want to do nothing.

"I would never lie." The other man's voice was almost a whine, and so familiar that it made a cold clutch of horror wash over Phoenix. "I swear it! You can have me drink Veritaserum."

"Pettigrew's information has been valid in the past," Evan said dryly.

The mug slipped from Phoenix's trembling fingers and shattered at her feet. She cursed and took a few stumbling steps backward, but the damage was already done. A chair scraped back in the sitting room and she heard the distinctive thump of footsteps headed her way.

Peter Pettigrew was one of Sirius and Remus's best friends. A member of their group of Marauders. So why the fuck was he here? You know the answer. Pettigrew was a double agent, an informant, a traitor. Phoenix had kept her nose out of her husband's business, but this was something that couldn't be ignored nor forgiven. Sirius deserved to know the truth. Pettigrew was a fucking mole.

Phoenix turned and broke into a run, headed for the stairs. It wasn't easy considering how heavily pregnant she was now, but desperation drove her onwards. She heard someone yell her name, heard someone ascending the stairs after her. Phoenix choked back a sob as her life shattered around her like the mug she'd dropped.

They would kill her for this. Evan's wife or not, she had trespassed on something she wasn't allowed to know.

Withdrawing her wand from her pocket, she whirled to face her pursuer as a tall figure in full Death Eater garb strode into the bedroom. It wasn't often she saw those cold metal masks, but it sent terror surging through her. Nonetheless, Phoenix kept her wand pointed directly at him, her free hand drifting to her stomach as her baby kicked.

"Phoenix." It was Evan behind the mask, and she wondered whether his intention was to frighten her. Maybe he wanted her scared. Maybe he thought she'd be submissive then. It was only when tears spilled down her cheeks that he sighed and removed the mask. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"I didn't mean to hear anything but…" Phoenix's voice hitched and she choked on the words, shaking her head vehemently. "Now that I know the truth, I have to do something."

The hollow laugh that spilled from Evan's lips just made her cry harder. Her husband appeared vexed, as though her finding this out had really made things hard for him. Phoenix's wand shook in her hand, though she kept it pointed at him. She wasn't letting down her guard simply because he was her husband.

"Are you going to kill me?" She challenged, her voice rising in a mixture of anger and defiance. "Are you going to murder me in cold blood while I'm pregnant with your child?"

"Stop that." Evan's brow furrowed in annoyance. "Of course I'm not going to kill you."

"But you will hurt me." Of that, Phoenix was certain. There was no escaping this without consequence, and the impending dread of those consequences was what made her tremble violently. The baby kicked again, insistent.

"No, darling." Evan crossed over to her. Phoenix kept his wand on him, pressing it to his throat as he stood before her. There was a sadness in the smile that crossed his lips. His fingers rested lightly on her stomach, smile broadening as he felt the baby kicking. "Our daughter is strong."

"Please, just tell me what's going to happen," Phoenix begged, her voice breaking over the words. She couldn't stand the uncertainty of it. If something was to happen to her because of what she'd seen, she wanted to know about it. The tip of her wand dug into Evan's chin. She could curse him, here and now. Yet something about it felt wrong.

"We're going to make this right, Nix." Evan drew her into his arms, holding her as close as her prominent bump allowed. His fingers stroked her dark hair, but she was far from soothed. What the fuck did that even mean? Then she felt the tip of his wand press against her temple, and she was frozen in horror recalling a particular lazy statement from Alexander Wilkes on the dark night when Robbie Daniels had been put under the Imperius Curse.

Evan's great at Memory Charms.

Blind terror consumed her. "Evan, no—"

Too late. The word was half a sob. "Obliviate."

Phoenix woke to a throbbing headache and a dryness in her mouth. When she checked the clock, she noticed that it was almost midday. She never slept in so late, making her frown and ease herself up. She couldn't remember what time she'd gone to sleep. In fact, she couldn't even remember much of the night before. She'd gone downstairs to make herself a tea and then...everything after that was blank, no matter how hard she tried to remember.

"How are you feeling, dear?" Camille's sickly-sweet voice permeated the room as she entered with a tray bearing hot tea and a cooked breakfast. The scent made Phoenix's stomach rumble and she propped herself back against the pillows.

"A bit weird. I can't remember anything from last night."

Saturn leaped up onto the bed beside her mistress. The cat was seen more scarcely than she had been during Phoenix's Hogwarts days, due to Evan's strong dislike of her. Saturn likewise did not seem to think much of Evan, hissing whenever he came close.

"Oh, Phoenix." Camille's expression was sympathetic as she slid the tray over into Phoenix's possession, and the dark-haired girl immediately began wolfing down the food with little decorum. "It was such a frightful shock. You fainted!"

"Fainted." Phoenix paused, fingers tightening around her knife and fork. Fainting? She didn't think that she'd ever fainted in her damn life. "Why in the name of Merlin did I faint?"

Camille shuddered. "It was quite awful, actually. Evan and the others came back and they were...a bit worse for wear. There was a fair bit of blood. I understand you have a strong stomach, but considering your delicate condition, it was probably all a bit much for you."

The insinuation that she was some sort of fragile flower made Phoenix scowl. Her mother-in-law seemed to realise the same thing, because she rested a hand on Phoenix's shoulders, her pretty face sympathetic.

"It could also have been the discussion of your birthday," Camille's tone was full of pity.

Suddenly, the food tasted like ashes in Phoenix's mouth. Her birthday. She'd almost completely forgotten about it, because she'd tried not to think of it. She would be nineteen. It would be the first birthday she celebrated without Regulus, and that reminder was painful, digging in under her skin and erasing whatever appetite she'd had.

"I don't remember that," Phoenix admitted softly, reaching out to stroke Saturn's soft hair and being rewarded with a rumbling purr, "What was decided on?"

"Evan thought a party might distract you. Nothing extreme, just some friends for dinner."

Friends. The word made a foreign smile curl the corners of Phoenix's lips. Did she even fucking have any friends? She barely kept in contact with Lorna and Beth, despite her assurances that she would. She didn't think she'd seen Beth since just after they'd finished at Hogwarts. Merlin, she missed Beth. For all her flaws, Beth had been one of the more genuine people in Phoenix's life.

"Phoenix?" Camille pressed.

"That sounds lovely." Phoenix rubbed her eyes, overcome by exhaustion despite the fact she'd apparently slept for many hours. It was probably because of the baby, and she was wondering just how little sleep she'd be getting once her daughter was born.

Despite Phoenix's attempts to assure herself, something felt...off. Whether or not she had fainted, the fact that she couldn't recall the event was disconcerting. Something niggled at the back of her mind, unsatisfied and worried, something she couldn't quite push away.

Against all odds, Beth Fawley made an appearance at Phoenix's birthday party. Her blonde hair was longer and despite her gaunt appearance, there was a confidence to her that she'd never possessed when they'd been at Hogwarts. She threw a poisonous look at Mitchell Avery, before tossing back her hair and striving over to her friend. Her eyebrows raised as she took in Phoenix's bump.

"Wow. You look ready to pop."

"Just over a month." Phoenix leaned in and pressed a grateful kiss to Beth's cheek. "Thanks for coming. I know Avery makes things hard…"

"I don't even give a shit about him anymore." Beth shrugged her shoulders with such indifference that Phoenix believed her. "I've got bigger concerns on my mind."

"How's Thomas?" Phoenix asked, realising she hadn't seen her friend's older brother at meetings in quite some time. When Beth's frame tensed, she saw it had been the wrong thing to ask. The blonde raised her glass of wine to her lips and took a deep sip.

"Thomas is dead, Nix." The words didn't hold any grief or anger, and the emptiness was maybe the worst part of all. Phoenix understood that feeling all too well, and realised that if Beth was numb to it, it must have been recent.

"What...what happened?"

"He was an idiot." Beth traced a finger around the rim of her glass, nonchalant. "Anyway. It hardly matters now."

Of course it matters. It always matters. But Phoenix knew if she was Beth and someone was pushing her to talk about Regulus, she would arch up. It was hard enough having this celebration without him, remembering the birthdays they'd shared in the past. It had always been Regulus and Phoenix. Now it was just Phoenix.

"Phoenix! Happy birthday." Alexander Wilkes crossed over with a broad smile across his lips that promised trouble. The scar stretching across his face had once given her trepidation, but now it only brought vicious satisfaction. "Beth."

"Alexander." Her eyes narrowed fractionally.

"Just think, another month and you and Evan will be parents." There was something menacing lingering behind Alexander's eyes. Phoenix felt a surge of protectiveness toward her unborn daughter. If Alexander even thought about harming her child, the Cruciatus Curse would be the least of his concerns.

"It's very exciting," Phoenix said, without even the hint of excitement in her voice.

"This is what you are good for, sweetheart." Alexander tugged a strand of dark hair behind her ear, eyes flicking down to the swell of her stomach. "You've known all along. An obedient little wife, and now, a mother. Anyone could have told you that your purpose is to breed heirs. I just hadn't realised Evan was quite so virile, or you so evidently fertile. It definitely didn't take you long."

"Oh, fuck off, Alexander." Beth forcibly nudged him aside, stepping between the two of them with a resolute expression on her face. Phoenix had never known her friend to be so vocal, so she was very much impressed. "Why don't you just leave her alone?"

"What business is this of yours?" Alexander sneered. "Don't you have enough of your own issues going on without creating more?"

Beth's eyes flashed. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Do you think I'm stupid, Beth?" Alexander laughed, and when he smiled, it was with all of his teeth. "Do you think I don't know about the offer Avery's father made yours?"

Beth went pale, and Phoenix knew this wasn't the time and place to discuss it. Shoving Alexander away, she linked her arm through Beth's and led her outside where it was quiet. Her friend was clearly hyperventilating, attempting to get herself together. Whatever Alexander was referring to, it spooked her.

"Beth?"

For a few moments, the blonde girl was quiet, and Phoenix whether she was going to answer at all.

"After Thomas's death, it was pretty clear that my dad's line was done for. All he had was a bastard daughter. So Mitchell's father approached him, and offered for Mitchell and I to get married. My dad has connections and money, even if he doesn't have an heir anymore."

Phoenix was overcome by a wave of sympathy. "Oh, Beth…"

"It's fine, Dad said no." Beth aggressively wiped away her tears. How Phoenix knew that look, the stoic mask breaking to let emotion seep through. "But I just...I can't help but think about the Quidditch World Cup. I don't even know why. It's stupid. It was so long ago now."

"It's not stupid," Phoenix insisted firmly, and she silently swore that one way or another, Mitchell would pay for what he'd done to Beth, "It sounds fucking traumatic. It's okay if you haven't made peace with it, or if you never do."

"Merlin, what a mess." Beth laughed wryly, wiping away the mascara stains from her cheeks. "Come on, it's your birthday. I'm not going to let that git ruin it for you. I know it's your first one without Regulus, but we're going to make it special."

With her best friend back by her side and her baby kicking in her belly, Phoenix believed her.

Phoenix had inherited Glory when Regulus died, and the owl seemed to have a mind of his own, turning up and screeching at the most inopportune moment. He had always been a foul-tempered bird, but that had only gotten worse after the death of his owner. Today he arrived at breakfast with a messily-wrapped parcel and a letter addressed to Phoenix, which was strange since she rarely received mail these days.

It certainly wasn't her mother's neat cursive, and Phoenix's heart thumped as she recognised her brother Sirius's untidy scrawl. She went for the letter first, fingers hasty as they scrambled to open the parchment.

P—

I know we haven't talked in a long time. Lily told me that she saw you at St Mungo's. Congratulations on the baby, I've attached a gift for the little brat, so hopefully the stupid owl doesn't drop it.

—S

Phoenix had almost forgotten that she hadn't told Sirius about her daughter. Fortunately, her brother's words lacked any hurt, and a smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she pried open the package. Sirius had always been terrible at wrapping gifts. Many a Christmas time, she and Regulus had been able to tell which presents were from Sirius because of how bad they looked, like misshapen lumps amidst the neat, square parcels.

The wrapping fell away to reveal a soft, woven pink baby blanket. Phoenix's smile widened and she clutched the blanket to her chest. Footsteps alerted her to Evan's presence, and he arched an eyebrow at the fabric in her hands.

"What is that?"

"A gift from Sirius." Phoenix held it up so he could inspect it. "It's a baby blanket for our daughter."

"Was that all?" Something like panic filtered into Evan's voice as he snatched up the letter, wide blue eyes searching for...what exactly? Dread filled Phoenix at his tone, because it meant that her husband knew something she didn't.

"What else would there be, Evan?" The question was hard and cold.

"Nothing." He dropped the letter unceremoniously on the table. "It's just strange that he only writes to you now, right before the baby is born."

"He didn't know," Phoenix admitted, "I didn't tell him."

"Don't get any ideas." Evan warned, drawing up a chair and sitting beside his wife. She folded her arms and sighed dramatically. "I mean it, Phoenix. Mingling with your blood-traitor brother risks exposing what I am."

She smiled sweetly. "Then perhaps you should be more discreet."

Evan gripped her wrist hard, making Phoenix flinch. His eyes were like marble and his mouth was pressed into a firm line. He wasn't fucking around, which made her incredibly uneasy. It wasn't often she saw the cruelty in him, the side he didn't really show her. When she did see it, it was nerve-wracking.

"If you're going to respond to him, I want to read it."

She burst out laughing, the sound devoid of mirth. "Are you fucking kidding me? Stop trying to control me. I'm communicating with my brother. It's no business of yours."

"This isn't up for debate, Phoenix."

"Are you scared of him?" She lurched to her feet, enjoying the way that his eyes narrowed at the accusation that he might fear Sirius Black. "You are, aren't you?"

"You're being absurd," Evan snapped, easing himself up, prickling under her amused smile, "Why would I ever fear your blood-traitor brother?"

Phoenix didn't even blink as Evan gripped her by the chin. His teeth were gritted as he struggled to maintain his composure. He had never raised a hand against her, but there were times Phoenix could see in his eyes that he really wanted to.

"Because you think you're a hard man when you put on that awful mask, but when else have you shown any balls?"

"I've done things that would chill you to the bone," he said softly. Phoenix thought about Robbie Daniels, and a shiver of revulsion raced up her spine. Evan saw the change in expression, triumph glimmering in his eyes. "Remember what I'm capable of doing."

"To me?"

"To your brother."

He pressed a hard kiss to her lips and then released her, marching off. Phoenix inhaled slowly, reminding herself that Evan was all bluster. He couldn't touch Sirius. He wouldn't dare. And yet perhaps, in that fucking mask surrounded by his fucking friends...no, it didn't bear thinking about. She could not and would not see Sirius become another casualty of this war.