AN: turqoisedreams I've actually got pretty much the entire story already written out but I think there is a hug scene in a few chapters actually, if not I'll see what I can do ! thank you to Ariel and LoveFiction2021 as well for the reviews !

PS. This chapter makes me screech every time I read it.

the louvre — lorde

"blow all my friendships

to sit in hell with you."

Sofia's life basically consisted of two things during the couple of weeks after that trip to Spain:

1. Kissing Regulus in the potions lab and a few empty classrooms here and there (probably her favourite part).

2. A sinking guilt whenever she thought about Sirius (which was a lot).

Regulus had had the tremendous idea to Transfigure a cabinet in the potions lab into a comfortable little loveseat, which was very useful for snogging or just lazing together.

But Sofia couldn't fully relax until Sirius knew. She kept putting it off though. She knew full well that the longer she put it off, the more potential there was for things to blow up in her face. Which was proven to be true on one fateful evening in the greenhouses.

It had been a few days prior maybe, that Sofia had realised how empty the greenhouses were on most afternoons. It was a nice Thursday evening when she stood next to some pretty flowers she didn't know the name of and waited for Regulus to show. She'd lied to Sirius and told him she had some homework to do and headed straight for the greenhouse. But she'd feel sick if she kept thinking about that.

"You sure you wanna touch those?" He asked, suddenly leaning onto the table next to her.

"Why wouldn't I want to touch them?" Her hand hovered over the pink petals.

"Well, I have never seen you successfully raise a plant in Herbology."

Sofia crossed her arms over her chest as she looked at Regulus. "We're not here to discuss my gardening abilities."

He got a wicked grin on his face and Sofia's knees went weak. "No, we're not."

Before Sofia could react, he'd taken her arms and uncrossed them and had her pressed up against his chest. His lips already capturing hers.

Sofia slowly settled her arms around his neck. He picked her up and she let out a yelp. He pulled her up onto a patch of earth beside the flowers.

She pulled away. "You're going to get dirt on my bum."

"Ever heard of a little spell called Tergeo?"

Sofia huffed, not managing to fully pull off being angry with him. Regulus's lips were on her neck and she forgot about the dirt. She giggled. "That tickles."

He removed himself from the crook of her neck and spoke as he planted kisses all over her face. "You're so ticklish."

"Shut up."

His lips were just returning to hers when Sofia heard it.

"Sofia?"

She tensed. Regulus pulled away from her, although he still stood between her legs. Sofia was sure her heart had stopped. She forced herself to look in the direction of the voice, already knowing full well who awaited. Outside the open window of the greenhouse stood Sirius.

His face was going through emotions rapidly. At first, it was pure disbelief, then it switched to something more like hurt, then it settled into anger.

Sofia felt frozen. She didn't even realise when Sirius walked into the room and pulled Regulus away from her harshly by the back of his robes.

Then Sirius did something Sofia sincerely did not see coming and he punched his brother in the face. Regulus stumbled backwards but he didn't fall, Sirius held him by the front of his robes. "What the fuck did you do to her? Did you give her a love potion?" Sirius yelled.

And all Sofia could do was watch in shock.

"I don't need to give her a love potion to get her to kiss me," Regulus said.

That finally pulled Sofia out of her stupor. Regulus was definitely not making things better, but she would have words with him later.

Sirius's face contorted in anger. Sofia rushed over and took his arm. "Sirius, no, stop. Please."

He glanced at her. He didn't seem convinced by Sofia's pleas.

"Sirius look at me. I'm not under a love potion. Please, look at me," Sofia's voice was shaky.

He let go of Regulus and finally looked at Sofia properly. He looked at Sofia's eyes, gleaming with tears, then back at his brother.

"No," there was something raw in Sirius's voice. "You have to be under a love potion. Please tell me you're under a love potion, Sonya."

Sofia wished she could, but she'd lied to him enough already. "I'm so sorry. I'm not under a love potion, Sirius."

Sirius ran a hand through his hair. He seemed like he didn't know what to do with himself. "No, no, no, no, no. This cannot be happening right now."

His voice had almost cracked at the end. He walked out of the greenhouse. Sofia ran after him.

"Sirius, stop! Please let me explain!" Sofia called after him.

He continued walking a few feet before he changed his mind and turned around. "I don't know how the hell you can explain this, Sofia."

Sofia wiped the tears off her face. "You have to know how sorry I am, Sirius. I didn't mean for this to happen—"

Sirius laughed humourlessly. "What I really want to know is how the hell you went from hating that little shit as much as me to sticking your tongue down his throat."

Sofia took a breath. "Don't say that, Sirius. He's your brother."

Another incredulous laugh. He rubbed his temples. "Yeah, and you know exactly how I feel about him. Which is why I can't fucking believe you did this to me."

Sofia flinched involuntarily. "It was after Slughorn forced us to work together in the potions lab."

Sirius leaned against the wall behind him, as if he'd fall if he didn't. "You bonded over being potions nerds?" He pinched the bridge of his nose. "You have to be shitting me Sofia. And here I thought this whole time that you were stuck in a stuffy awkward silence with him every day, I worried about you, I worried he'd do something to you and this whole time..." he made a face, as if he was too disgusted to go on.

"It was stuffy and awkward at first, but we started helping each other with our potions and I realised... I realised that he wasn't so horrible to be around."

Sirius grimaced. "Not so horrible to be around? Are you for real?"

Sofia felt more tears forming. "Will you just let me finish? I want to tell you everything, I'm tired of keeping secrets from you. You deserve to know the truth." She took a breath. "I tried so hard, I tried so hard not to like him. Not to talk to him or even help him. But I did. I couldn't help it. I didn't think much of it at first... it was just some potions camaraderie, but then... it was around Christmas that I... that something started happening."

"Christmas? You've been hiding this from me for five months?" The hurt started morphing into anger again.

"No! No, I tried for a lot longer to just... not have feelings towards him. We kissed a few times but I didn't think it was going anywhere. I didn't really think that he wanted to be with me for real."

"But you wanted it?" His voice was low.

"I tried so hard to deny it, I did. But then on our trip to Spain... things sort of... happened. And he said that he wanted to be with me and—"

Sirius shook his head. "I can't hear this anymore. Like, I physically cannot hear this anymore, I think I might pass out."

"I just need you to know that I never meant to hurt you," there was a hint of desperation in Sofia's voice now. "Please, Sirius. You're my best friend."

"You do realise he's a fucking Death Eater, right?"

Sofia averted her eyes. "He's not."

"And you know for sure he will never be one? You think he's willing to give up his entire life for you, Sofia?" Sirius's gaze was harsh.

Sofia put her hand over her mouth. She hated this so much. "I... I don't know."

Sirius scoffed. "And you still would rather be with him?"

Sofia took a shuddering breath. "Sirius, I'm sorry. You have no idea—"

He raised a hand to stop her. "No. No, I can't hear this anymore."

He turned around and he stormed off, leaving Sofia standing there, her heart on her throat, her legs feeling like jelly.

A hand settled on her back. "Are you okay?"

Sofia sniffled. "I... I think I might have just ruined my entire friendship with him."

Regulus pulled her into his chest and wrapped his arms around her. "He'll come around."

Sofia wanted nothing more than to believe him.

Sofia tried to talk to Sirius again the next day but he gave her the cold shoulder. He continued to ignore her attempts at clearing the air for an entire week, and Sofia truly started feeling like she was going to lose her best friend for good.

"Will you go somewhere with me?" Sofia asked Regulus on a Thursday. They sat on their little loveseat in the potions lab, ignoring the work they were supposed to be doing. Sofia's eyes were puffy from the cry she'd had earlier.

"Sure."

"I should probably tell you that it's outside the castle grounds."

"Oh. Where?"

Sofia shuffled in her seat. "Um, to the ballet."

"I thought you didn't like it anymore."

Sofia shrugged. "My dad invited me... it's a new show he choreographed. Sirius was supposed to go with me but... I don't think that's an option anymore."

Sofia could tell Regulus was uncomfortable with Sirius coming up again, but he had thankfully not said anything about this recurring topic of conversation. "Right."

They didn't go on opening night, Sofia thought that was too much. It was a few days after.

It was quiet, as it had been for the past week while Sofia walked next to Regulus. She didn't utter a word until they were deep into the secret passage out of the castle.

She didn't even know why she said it right then, in the weak light of the damp secret passage.

"You know, I think that day with Sirius, last week, that was the second-worst day of my life."

Regulus halted next to her. He turned to face her and Sofia couldn't see his face all too well in the dim light but she could tell his features had softened. He reached his hand out to hers tentatively.

He probably felt like it was rude to ask, so Sofia answered his unasked question. "The worst day was the day I got my Hogwarts letter."

A small crease formed between Regulus's brows. "You really hate it that much?"

Sofia shook her head. "The day before it was the day my dad left."

"But that wasn't the worst day?"

"No, not really. It was pretty awful, sure. But the next day was worse. He left the night before, but I didn't understand how serious it all was, the impact of what he was doing until the next day. And I think my mum was the same. She... she had been more or less okay the day before but that next morning..." Sofia shook her head, the memory making her stomach feel hollow. "She didn't get out of bed. She was... practically catatonic. She just laid there, she'd cry, or she'd sleep. My siblings and I tried to get her to get up and you know... feed us and shit but it was like she physically couldn't."

Regulus's hand tightened around Sofia's and she was grateful.

"I ended up taking care of my siblings but well, I was barely eleven myself so there were a lot of things I had to figure out as I went. By that afternoon, the entire house was just... a mess. I remember the kitchen was like a warzone... Natasha had spilt milk and I didn't know where the mop was. Vanya was just two and he was crying basically the whole day, throwing stuff around. There were just things everywhere and I felt so fucking helpless... and you know how when you get your Hogwarts letter and you're a Muggleborn, someone from the school goes to your house to explain to your parents what the hell is happening?"

Regulus could probably already sense what was going to happen next.

"Well... that was the day that McGonagall thought was a good idea for that visit," Sofia chuckled drily. "Needless to say, she was horrified when she saw the state of the house. I tried to make her go away... I didn't answer the door at first but she was insistent. I told her that my mum was ill and that my dad wasn't home... which technically was true. But she insisted on speaking to my mum.

"I knew that it was me who McGonagall was looking for so I just made her tell me what she needed. She gave me the letter and she explained about magic but I barely paid attention to her. She kept insisting on talking to my mum but I just straight up told her that I was not going to attend her dumb magic school... she didn't berate me, she just... she helped me clean the house up — that's how she proved the existence of magic — and she told me she would be returning at a later date to speak with my mother."

"Is that why you weren't at school during First Year?" Regulus asked.

Sofia nodded. "Yeah... it took a lot of convincing, but McGonagall did end up letting me put off school for that year and well... you know what happened after that."

"You went to your uncle and he only taught you potions."

Sofia eked out a small smile and nodded.

"We don't have to go, you know," He meant the ballet, Sofia assumed.

Sofia shook her head. "This was all a long time ago... I haven't really forgiven my father yet but... I think I might be getting there. He's been... he's been really trying."

"You just had the second-worst day of your life, you absolutely don't have to go, Sofia."

Sofia ran a hand through her eyes to wipe the tears away. "It's fine, Regulus. I want to go. I'd like to think about something other than Sirius for a few hours."

Regulus ran a hand through his hair and leaned against the wall behind him. "Was that really the worst fight you've ever had with Sirius?"

"I don't know... the time where he tried to fool me into thinking Glinda the Good Witch was a princess, we got into it pretty badly. Also when he told me he preferred Led Zeppelin over Queen."

"I... don't know what a single one of those words mean."

Sofia smiled. "They're Muggle things."

"But you've never really had a serious argument?"

Sofia half-shrugged. "Not really... we're both pretty chill people."

Regulus looked at her, incredulous.

Sofia sighed. "Fine, he's a chill person. We've gotten mad at each other before and shit but... never like this. Never so bad that we don't speak to each other for over a week. You should've seen the way he looked at me when..."

She drifted off, shaking her head. She didn't want to make Regulus feel bad over this.

Regulus took a breath. "I have thick skin, you know. I know what he thinks of me... and I don't care. You can tell me."

"Don't you care though?" Sofia looked at him. "He's your brother."

Regulus made a noise at the back of his throat, not looking at Sofia. "We haven't really been brothers for a long time though."

Sofia wanted to cry. Sirius and Regulus were the men she cared about the most in the castle, and they deserved to have a good relationship. She couldn't imagine ever having a relationship like that with one of her siblings, she loved them all so goddamn much. "Being brothers isn't something you can just get rid of. You'll always have that bond."

Regulus shifted his weight. Visibly uncomfortable. "We weren't talking about Sirius and me, Sofia."

Sofia sighed. "Fine, fine." She relented.

He took a step towards her, his hand went up her arm. "He'll come around, love."

Sofia smiled sadly and nodded. "Let's keep going."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded. "I can sit through two hours of dancing and a ten-minute conversation with my dad. I'll be fine."

They kept going.

It was actually easier than usual to sit through the long performance. Perhaps because Sofia's mind was so occupied with thoughts of Sirius that she barely paid attention to the actual ballet dancers. She and Regulus sat in silence and he held her hand the entire time.

Once it was over, they headed backstage and quickly found Sofia's father.

She offered her congratulations on the show and introduced Regulus.

"I thought you were bringing Sirius," Sofia's dad said as Tony talked to Regulus a few feet away.

Sofia tried not to grimace. "We had a fight the other day... he needed some time to cool off."

Papa frowned. "Is everything okay? You can talk to me."

Sofia almost regretted telling him the truth. He'd been way overeager to help lately. "It's fine... he's upset because I kept a really big secret from him."

"Not because of—"

Sofia cut him off, catching his meaning. She'd almost forgotten her coming out to him for a minute there. "No, of course not, he wouldn't be mad at me for that... he was the first one I told, actually. It's something else."

"Have you apologised?"

Sofia nodded.

Papa smiled softly. "Then he'll come around. I've only met him a few times but it was pretty clear to me that you mean a lot to him and vice versa. You apologised — sincerely, I assume — and that's what matters the most. He's your best friend, he'll forgive you. Even if it takes time."

Sofia nodded again, not trusting her voice.

"Are you and Regulus coming out to dinner with us?"

Sofia shook her head. She cleared her throat. "No, we gotta get back to the castle. Maybe next time."

Sofia took a deep breath as she and Regulus exited the theatre. She had been told twice now that Sirius would come around, but she wondered just when that would be. Because she really fucking missed her best friend.