Keepsakes from Prague
A/N: this is the conclusion to the series of fics that started with the Prague Solution. It's about the friendship between Melinda May and Natasha Romanoff as implied by that all important glimpse of "Nat" on Melinda's call history. And after seeing Avengers: Endgame, I needed to write this. Spoilers, obvi, from everything MCU. This however is an alt-timeline for AoS, wherein SHIELD lives through The Snap.
They've been in Tahiti a day when they wake up to the news. They'd walked on the beach after the Zephyr left, holding hands, both opening themselves up to the possibility of the time ahead of them. To love each other. Be together. Make memories Melinda knows Phil hopes will help her hold it together when she loses him. So she does. Surrender to it. She kisses him at her leisure on their walk. Then Phil makes dinner, and he teases her about how not good she is at helping. They fall into bed after and let themselves forget that there were spaceships in New York City this morning and that the world almost split apart because their former ally lost his mind.
Then they wake up. And half the world's living beings are just gone. Vanished. Turned to dust. There's panic and distress, and no one seems to know what the hell to do. The only real concrete information about what happened has come from Steve via the Wakandan palace. Thanos. The Snap. The loss of a battle only the Avengers could have tried to win.
It's awful. And Melinda grabs her phone and calls Daisy without a moment's hesitation. When the younger agent answers, Melinda's voice catches and she sees tears of relief slip down Phil's cheek. They've been lucky. Mack and Simmons and Yo-yo are okay, too. They're still trying to get a read on all the other SHIELD agents they've got stashed in various locations.
Melinda sees it on Phil's face. The thought of "maybe we should go back." And then she sees the absolute exhaustion of trying to stay alive wash over him. So she says her good-bye to Daisy and then dials another number.
"Melinda, thank god."
"Nat. I… I don't even know what to say."
"There's nothing to say. We're looking for him. We'll try to undo it. If it can be undone. I… where are you?"
Melinda moves closer to Phil, wrapping her arm around him as she speaks.
"In Tahiti. With Phil."
And she knows that Nat's instincts are too good to miss it. The raw emotion in her voice. Because Melinda doesn't have it in her to even try and pretend. It's just all too much. Phil is dying and half of life on Earth is gone and there's no time to waste.
"What's wrong, May?"
So Melinda tells her. The condensed version of the terrible truth that there's no miracle to be had. That Phil sacrificed his chance to live to save the world a few hours before Thanos decimated it. And even with all the awful that's happened, Nat's heartbreak is real when she finally speaks again.
"You stay with Phil. He's your mission. We'll take care of ours."
Phil gets on the phone and says his good-byes because Nat's chasing a galaxy jumping monster and who knows what will happen. And then it's just them again… Phil and Melinda, in Tahiti, while the universe is falling apart.
"They'll figure it out," he says as he leans into her, exhausted after the emotional toll the morning has exacted from them both. "They're the Avengers. They may lose a fight, but they'll demand a rematch."
Melinda smiles and kisses his forehead.
"Fanboy till the end."
And that makes him laugh, in spite of everything, and she sees the smallest spark in his eye.
"I'm a giant dork. But I'm yours."
Not for long, she thinks but doesn't say. Instead she holds him tight and wills her strength into his body.
When she gets Nat's text a few days later, it's another brutal blow, but Melinda steps out onto the veranda and cries alone so that Phil doesn't have to carry this, too.
Laura and the kids… they're gone. Clint's ankle monitor proves he survived the Snap and was on the move until he was able to get the damn thing off a few hundred miles from the farm. Nat has no idea where he is, so she just wants Melinda to know what's going on in case… in case…
Melinda looks back through the door and watches the soft rise and fall of Phil's chest. She remembers him laughing so hard he could barely breathe when they stopped by the Barton farm once the band-aid was ripped off and the Avengers were all aware Phil was back from the dead. The kids ran him ragged, and he loved every minute of it.
She can't imagine how any of them will survive this. Nat's desperately searching for Tony, who's lost somewhere in space, and she's devastated over Fury and Maria. Steve has been rocked by the loss of Vision, Wanda, Sam, Bucky, and T'Challa. Bruce is hidden away trying to figure out why the Hulk is refusing to show himself. And per Nat's last intel, Thor is burning rage by flying around the universe searching for any sign of where Thanos went.
But Melinda can't imagine how she's going to survive this either. Because maybe, just maybe, her friends will find a way to create a miracle and bring back what Thanos took away. But Phil's clock just keeps winding down. And no one will be able to stop it.
Still, somehow it helps to know that Daisy and Mack are trying to help create order in the world under SHIELD's banner. That Nat is at Avengers HQ looking for a hail mary play.
Maybe they'll find a way to save the world again.
For now, she climbs back into bed with hers.
Natasha's on the firing range, decimating paper targets because she can't shoot anything that matters at the moment. Thanos is dead. The Infinity Stones are gone. The world is trying to sort itself out in the aftermath of the snap and everyone, including the Avengers, are a damn mess.
Thor has gone into a depression the likes of which Natasha's never seen. Bruce has taken a lab at Stark and seems to be determined to stay inside of it as much as possible. Steve can barely look in the mirror. Rhodey's worried sick about Tony, who still hasn't recovered fully from his near death in space.
And Clint is a ghost. Nat can't find a trace of him anywhere. She'd be lying if she said it didn't hurt that he's out there and not reaching out to her. But more than that, it terrifies her. Clint's a wounded animal right now, and she better than anyone knows what he's capable of when his darkness takes over.
The cell phone ring almost makes her jump. Nerves on edge all the time is her new norm. Melinda and Phil's team has got SHIELD back in some kind of working order, and they're handling the more workaday emergencies of the world. But Nat keeps Avengers HQ up and running because who knows what else might be coming for them.
When she sees that it's Melinda calling, Nat's heart sinks. They've shared occasional texts but she hasn't talked to her former S.O. in three months. And somehow she knows before she answers what's happened.
"I can be in Tahiti in a few hours."
There's a long pause.
"Can you pick up Daisy? She's at the Lighthouse. The others will want to come, but…"
"Daisy and I will be there as soon as we can."
She hangs up and races to shower and change, and twenty minutes later, Natasha is in a quinjet headed for the base SHIELD has been using for the past year or so. When she radios ahead for the landing coordinates, Mack Mackenzie himself responds on the radio.
"Anything we should be worried about?" he asks, and Natasha calculates her answer because this is news that needs to be delivered in person.
"Just doing a favor for a mutual friend."
As Nat sinks down into the waterfall surround of the landing pad, she can't help but smile. May must love flying in and out of this place. It's a tricky spot – and those are always her favorites.
Mack and Daisy meet her as she walks into the hangar, and she can tell they somehow suspect, but still, Mack asks.
"Melinda okay?"
"She asked me to stop and pick up Daisy."
Daisy's face pales and Mack pulls the younger woman into a bear hug.
"We can be ready to go in half an hour," he offers, but Natasha shakes her head.
"She's not ready for everyone. Not yet."
He nods, and then Daisy goes to grab a bag and they're airborne pretty quickly. Nat can feel the strain of Daisy fighting her tears.
"It's okay to cry. I'm better at ignoring emotion than May is."
It makes Daisy smile and Nat's glad. She knows what it's like to find your way with Melinda's particular brand of affection. She's one of the most loving human beings Natasha's ever met – it's just not as easy to read as it is with everyone else. But Daisy's clearly cracked that code.
They're quiet for a while and it's nice. It reminds Natasha of her qualifying flights with Melinda, back when SHIELD was forcing her to log all her necessary certifications. Ever since she first met Daisy, it's been clear why Melinda and Phil were so drawn to the girl – she's got a great spirit and she's dedicated to the ideals that both senior agents lived their lives by. It makes Nat feel a little relief on Melinda's behalf. Losing Phil is going to be unbearable. At least she's got someone to hold on to going forward. Because as much as Nat will want Melinda to head to upstate New York with her and settle in at Avengers HQ, there's no way she's leaving Phil's team behind. They built that family together – and nothing's going to keep her from going back. Nat can identify with that. It's why she can't leave the building she called home when the Avengers were still whole and Thanos was a stranger.
The grim business of handling Phil's remains is already done by the time they land. He's been cremated, per his request, but Melinda waited for Daisy to spread his ashes. They do it at sunset, in the water off the veranda of their Tahitian hideaway. Natasha isn't sure she's ever seen Melinda cry before – and even after all the pain and loss of the past few months, seeing that… seeing Melinda May cry… might be the hardest thing Nat's had to endure.
After, they drink. Phil somehow tracked down a new bottle of Haig and left it for her to find after he was gone. So the three of them drink it – toasting Phil, the friends that are gone, the world that was.
Natasha asks, once Daisy's asleep on the couch, and Melinda is good and drunk.
"You could come with me. I have to keep some version of the Avengers going. And we both know Phil always thought of you as one."
"Phil just wanted me to let Stark design my uniform."
"Oh, my god, Tony would have loved that."
The past tense isn't lost on either of them. Stark's bitterness is deep, and the only updates Nat gets on him are from Pepper. It'll pass. They all know it will. But no one has any idea how long that might take.
"I have to go home, Nat."
"Yeah, I know."
Melinda takes another drink and lets out a long sigh.
"That doesn't mean I can't come train with you, though. Few weeks a year."
Natasha's eyes water at the offer. Because as worried as she is about Melinda, the truth is, she needs her just as much. And of course, Melinda knows that.
"Few weeks a year would be nice. I'll see if I can lure Okoye over to spar with us. You two are gonna love each other."
"It's a deal."
They clink glasses and make it official. And even though everything is awful, the constancy of this – of having Melinda when the chips are down, of being there for her – it helps. Just a little.
A few weeks a year is really more like three months, spaced out between missions and training new SHIELD recruits and generally doing what Melinda can to try and help keep the world going even though half her heart is gone.
And really, Melinda can see that time isn't helping Natasha at all. Year after year passes by, and despite the laughs they have during their training – and drinking – sessions, it's clear Nat's trauma is deepening instead of fading. She can't fix what's broken, and it's tearing at her in ways no one else can fix. Melinda and Steve have a pretty frank conversation about it during a run around the facility and he promises to do what he can to try and get Nat back out into the world.
If Clint were around, that wouldn't be a problem. But instead he's out there under a new name – Ronin – taking out crime lords and leaving carnage behind and breaking Natasha's heart more with every body that falls.
Somehow they all keep going, though. Melinda learns some amazing spear techniques from Okoye, and she practices spin moves with Steve, and they all keep an eye on the universe. They keep breathing through the pain, even when it feels like it will drag them under.
Meanwhile the team keeps going, too. They find Fitz, and he and Simmons have a beautiful little girl that Melinda reads to every night. Mack and Yo-yo finally stop having bad timing and get married and their son is due any day now. Even Daisy is moving on. Her romance with one of Valkyrie's generals was a surprise, but he makes Daisy laugh, and if Valkyrie trusts him, then Melinda figures he's probably good enough for her girl. Not that she's let him know that. The Melinda May glare is famous in New Asgard thanks to his stories.
When Melinda's not at Avengers' HQ trying to look after Nat, she's running point on missions – though that's less frequent now. Time is an enemy she can't beat, and to make Daisy stop wearing her worried face, Melinda's finally surrendered to spending more time at the SHIELD Academy. She swears sometimes that she can hear Phil laughing from wherever he is.
She's just finishing up an advanced hand-to-hand combat seminar when her cell phone rings. Melinda's still technically on call for missions, so it's always on. "Nat" flashes on the screen, and Melinda dismisses the class and answers.
"Business or pleasure?"
"Business," Nat answers. "With a lot of pleasure to come if we pull it off."
"That sounded dirty."
Natasha laughs, and Melinda realizes how long it's been since she heard her friend really make that sound. It's been missed, and suddenly Melinda knows what it was like for Phil when she crawled inside of herself and shut down after Bahrain.
"We might have a play."
It's all Natasha's really wanted for the past five years. Some way to fix it. To undo the Snap. To bring back everything and everyone that was lost. Melinda knew better than to tell her to give up. Avengers don't give up on anything, and Natasha especially couldn't bear to. She still can't see how much good she's done in the world. So Melinda didn't ask her to stop fighting. Because fighting is all Natasha had left.
"Do you need my help?" Melinda asks, ready to do anything the redhead asks.
"I'm going to transmit the plans we're working off to you. If all this goes sideways, someone else will have to try again."
"What exactly are you doing, Nat?"
There's a long pause, and Melinda is tempted to just hop on a quinjet and fly to Avengers HQ right now, but then Nat sighs heavily on the other end of the phone.
"Something you won't like. Something Phil would have probably told us was too risky. But it's the only chance we have. And if this works… it'll be worth whatever it takes to pull it off."
"You'll buzz me as soon as you're clear?"
"You'll be my first call."
The line disconnects, and Melinda wanders outside the base to the seaside cliffs that form the western shore of the new SHIELD Academy. She listens to the waves crash against the rocks. The strength and relentless power of the water reminds Melinda of so many of the amazing people she's known in her life.
"I have a feeling you're really going to be sorry you missed this, Phil. You said the Avengers wouldn't stop without a rematch. I'm glad I didn't bet money on it."
She smiles as a spray of water shoots up over the rocks.
The next day, she's on a run with Daisy talking about her surrogate daughter's upcoming vacation plans in New Asgard when it happens. A flurry of wildlife suddenly appears around them – birds flying in out of nowhere, squirrels, rabbits – they all seem confused and disoriented a moment, and then they just meld back into the world as if they'd been there all along.
Their cell phones light up – all the agents who disappeared from the Lighthouse during the Snap have returned – literally out of thin air.
"Oh, my God. They did it."
Daisy looks at her, confused, because Melinda kept Nat's confidence just in case the plan hadn't worked.
"The Avengers found a way to undo Thanos' Snap."
They run back to the Academy and head straight to comms. Feeds are coming in from all over the world – people returning safe and sound, albeit desperately confused. It becomes instantly clear that all is not good in the world, though – explosions at Avengers HQ put Melinda on high alert, and she and Mack decide that a strike team should head out asap.
Melinda fuels up the quinjet, radios Mike Peterson to meet them – and once Daisy is on board, she heads straight for the Zephyr to pick up Mack and Yo-Yo. They get satellite imagery and scattered radio communications while en route – massive ships that resemble the ones Thanos attacked with five years ago land all around Avengers HQ, and it seems like a fierce battle is in play.
And then suddenly it all stops. The ships' images simply disappear from the radar screen – as if they were never there.
They land to find a legion of allies and not a trace of Thanos or his army. Melinda spots Steve sitting on a pile of rubble. He looks like he fought an entire war by himself. But Bucky is there, checking on him, and despite the dust and grime that cover Captain America, he's clearly won the day.
But when he looks up and sees her, Melinda's stomach sinks. Steve is a terrible liar. And the loss written on his face the moment he catches sight of her is unmistakable.
Natasha didn't make it.
She can't move for what feels like forever, even though it's probably just a few moments. But in whatever span of time it is, she feels like a door inside of her heart is closing. Because that thing that was once Phil and Melinda and Clint and Natasha is gone now. Because Phil and Natasha are gone. There won't be anymore secret messages for last-minute rescues. No more crashing on each other's couches while they wrestle their emotional demons. No more sparring until someone couldn't stand because they could share each other's pain in a way no one else could.
Then a hand slips into hers. Squeezing tight. And Melinda turns and looks to her left.
Clint looks like half his heart is gone. But he smiles at her anyway.
"Laura and the kids are back. She did that, Melinda. She sacrificed everything so they could come home. So everyone else could be with the people they loved."
Melinda looks around at everyone who just an hour ago were lost to them. But they're here now. And she's missing a million details of how, but Melinda knows one thing: this was all Natasha wanted. And now it's done.
The farm is alive again. Laura and the kids have made it a project to get things fixed up since their return, and Clint is doing his best to leave five years of death behind so he can settle into life.
The gathering is small. Clint and his family. Fury. Maria Hill. Melinda thought of opening it up to more people, but they'd all done the big funeral thing for Tony, and this is just for them. For the people there at the beginning when Natasha Romanoff took an offer to be more than the Red Room had trained her to be.
They plant a small grove of red dahlias near the Barton barn. Clint picked them because every year you can save the roots and replant them and the plants grow back bigger and more beautiful than the year before. Melinda teased him and told him Natasha would call him a softie. Clint agreed. But It's Fury who places the small plaque at the base of the flower beds. He turns out to be the biggest softie of them all.
Natasha Romanoff. Her ledger is clear.
There are words said and stories shared, and then Clint leads everyone inside for lunch and a few drinks and a chance to wrap their brains around what it feels like to share a table without Nat there to keep them laughing.
Melinda lingers behind, smiling as she re-reads the plaque. She lets herself imagine Phil and Natasha sitting a waterfront bar, drinking the best vodka ever made, so pleased that the world has another chance to love and live and be.
"You two take care of each other. And I promise, if Barton gets into any more trouble, I'll be there to bail him out."
She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a small bit of red glass, pressing it into the dirt. She knows Natasha's body fell in another galaxy. That she's not really here. But still, Melinda couldn't resist leaving this one thing behind for her beloved friend.
A small garnet heart. Made in Prague.