Chapter Two
Seeing Blue
A/N Yes apologies about the last chapter, but the details of the unseen night before are quite relevant to this altered version as you may have already figured out. From now on will be much better, the world if Tara had never died. The events will unfold quite similarly, but I just don't think Tara's death was an ultimate necessity and is still so shocking to me. So onwards with the happier times. Sorry this one is a bit wordy it gets less wordy I promise.
Sunnydale, the world without shrimp 2002
So up until this point the evening had been identical the parallel reality on Earth, Willow and Tara had finished their third round of the evening and were settling into bed for some sleep, Willow had gotten all teary about Buffy, she couldn't bare the thought of her best friend having to bare the full force of Spike at his angriest. He was an angry vampire with the ability to overpower her, especially with emotion, Willow knew how easily Buffy's heart could weaken her strength for fighting and she might not have been able to push him off her. But we had done all that. We were up to Willow-rambling when Tara started to feel unwell.
"Ohh you were Willow-rambling were you?" Tara nodded her movements far too large for life, as she attacked Willow's lips again, her head hitting the headboard roughly.
"Ahh." She cried out quietly, rubbing the back of her head. Silently chuckling to herself though, it was funny how engrossed they could get in each other's bodies when they were wrapped up in tight embrace.
"Ohh baby, sorry." Willow managed to squeeze out between heavy Tara-kisses. She looked a little concerned and broke the warmth between them to cup Tara's cheek and check she was alright. With an affirming nod, Willow began searching her scalp for a laceration, but there was nothing. No blood, nothing to write home about. Willow kissed her forehead softly, breathing a sigh of relief that she hadn't just permanently injured her soulmate. It reminded her of the year before when Tara was on the psych ward. It had scared her so much, almost losing her like that; having Glory violate her mind like that.
Then it really hit her, the pain came out in a small swelling feeling as her heart beat louder, striking a bass beat instead of light pulse. That's what she'd done and the truth stung her like a bee would a puppy if you threw one at the other, which is a weird image but then again, Willow's love of the weird only fuelled her strange imaginings. She broke Tara's strong embrace, looking down at her bare hands, she fiddled with her thumb picking at the ripe red corners of her nail beds. Tears streamed her pretty face again, the puffiness of her eyes returned but the familiarity of that way her face felt was only ever opposed to the way she felt now.
Her previous tears had been out of sadness almost grief even that her best friend had to go through something awful and she was powerless to have stopped it. Now it was out of her own hatred, the hate for an act so selfish she'd commited against her love, her Tara. She'd seen Tara lose her sanity, her mind was taken from her in such a violent way, to then reciprocate that action with one so similar. She hadn't seen it at the time, so wrapped up in her own addiction, her own desire for control that ravaged her. And then Tara had left, had seen Willow's spell for what it truly was, an act of power, of total control of what Tara felt and knew.
Willow's hands sat in her lap as she sobbed, big blobs of tears splashing down her face in a true flooding, her heart almost bleeding with the truth of her own wound up selfishness. Tara reached for her face, cupping her swollen cheeks in a tight palm, her softness pushed through reminding Willow of that night she'd sat alone in the dark, fearing she'd be alone and heartbroken forever. Something was always wet when she felt like this, last time it'd been her hair, now i was her cheeks, the tears slowly easing as Tara spoke tender words of comfort. Willow's thoughts were as loud in Tara's head as they had been in her own. Their connection lay so deep that when either of them felt such deep emotion that couldn't be controlled their thoughts were uncontained, they leaked from one girl to the other, the channel between them burst open like an old water pipe, bursting at the seams.
"Sweetie..." Tara began to cry too, she felt so overwhelmed. The happiness of them being together at last, it was killing her how much she'd missed her girl, the love between them never leaving. Tara reached for Willow's hand, she knew one thing that shut Willow's brain up completely and right now seemed like the time to use it. So she leaned forward and pressed her lips to the teary redhead's, parting them, she deepened the passionate embrace and pulled Willow to her. Their shoulders touching, and hair mingling. She felt Willow's endless babbling cease, her mind closed its doors as they kissed, pulling each other into a steamy sensuous hold. Their tears dried as the heat from their naked bodies mixed, driving them upwards with both feet crossed over limbs and arms entangled their glided effortlessly towards the ceiling. A steady energy keeping them off the ground.
It only lasted for seconds.
When Tara broke away her eyes glimmered away any pain or resentment from Willow, she was renewed. Tara had communicated a sense of peace to her, an understanding and forgiveness for what she done. The battle between was won, Willow had finally paid the price for violation, she'd understood what her actions had felt like, she'd realised how much hurt she'd caused when all she'd craved was love. It was over now. It was over for them, the tension and restrain she'd felt by being away from Tara and the string knotting in her stomach, telling her she still wasn't good enough. That Tara could only see her with magic, without it who was she? Her thoughts had mingled into nothingness, she'd stopped imagining what having Tara back would be like that when it happened she wasn't prepared for forgiveness and it broke her.
Tara was so strong, she had this morality that stood far above her own emotion, she was controlled equally by head and heart. Doing all she ever could for those she loved, but never in vain and never if it endangered what was right.
"Tara?" Willow said softly, chewing her lip gently before biting away the drawn blood. She was still looking down at her hands, they were wrapped around Tara's in their own embrace. Tara brushed the hair behind Willow's ear and peered into her.
"Yeh?" She replied even softer, caressing Willow's palm with her thumb.
"I-I'm so s-so sorry." She said slowly, making every syllable stand out in staccato sounds, separate, detached. Each word came out breathy, like she was running out of oxygen, her lungs gasping for control of her lips.
"Baby, do you want to get some air?" Willow nodded, her head fell forward onto Tara's shoulder as she pulled her into a hug, wrapping her arms around the blonde's back and stroking the ends of her hair, she loved to hug Tara like this. She just wanted to be in her arms, it made her feel safe, at home. Tara knew just how to hold her, so that her body didn't need supporting and she could just sink into the feeling of warmth and her cosy safe space of Tara. Her soulmate.
Buffy ached. Her entire body was shaking, a deep shiver had run through her. Even her soul ached, why couldn't the monsters just take the year off, just once. Just for once, then she would have a nice normal boyfriend and not a English poet turned vampire who had an onion fetish. Oh but he'd never touch garlic. Oh no, not garlic, because they're so different, garlic and onions were related for demon's sakes, stupid Spike.
She'd been focussing on all the annoying habits he possessed rather than think about what he did, or what he tried to do. All because he 'loved her' she'd never let herself believe that was love. But it had her wondering, because if what she'd had with Angel was so 'once in a lifetime' special then why had he left? Why had he walked out and moved to a completely different city. It was stupid. It was all stupid. Love is stupid. She thought with rage.
Trying to drag her tired mind towards the trio, Warren was still out there, and even without his buddies to help, he was still pretty dangerous, now she didn't like to admit she was worried, but she was worried. He'd seemed almost invincible. Some sort of technology allowing him to be so, it seemed wrong, that it wasn't the demons trying to kill her for once, only just a bunch of Star Wars nerds. Why was this her problem anyway, nerds were only human and they had laws for humans. How did a vampire slayer get roped into fighting humans, humans are the worst demons.
Turning her head to the other side of the pillow, Buffy sighed as sleep attempted to wash over her. My leg hurts, was the last thing she thought before drifting somewhat away, she'd sort things out tomorrow. Whenever tomorrow was.