Friends and readers, WE ARE BACK!
That's right! After a couple months of recoup time, and with the Author currently on a fourteen-day self-quarantine, the New Kid Stories Series is finally back! My original intent was to hold back the holiday special until it was fully finished, but it turns out that I just have trouble holding the momentum for fic without having those in-between chapter reviews.
If you just stumbled onto this story and haven't read the rest of the series, no worries! The previous eight stories make up what I'm calling the first 'season' of the series, as they came together into a single main arc, are all accessible through my author page. While that arc is over, this story will be dealing with some of the aftermath and does contain spoilers for the previous season. You're welcome to take a peek if you're just trying to decide if you're interested, but be warned that all the major plot reveals are out in the open in this specific work.
Now time to get my usual disclaimers out of the way. NKS is a personal pet project that I do just-for-funsies in-between my more serious writing pursuits. There will be spelling errors. There will be lulls between chapters. There will be goof-ups and typos. I am happy to be informed of errors I make, but please do so in a respectful manner. Do not go off on me for not adhering to the fanon. Do not come at me for tripping up on some minor canon detail that even the South Park creators can't be bothered to keep consistent. I'm here to enjoy myself and hopefully tell a fun story while I'm at it. If you're not enjoying my work, you know where the back button is.
Cool?
ON
WITH
THE
FIC!
OWTF!
::Grannies Gone Wild – Snow Penis::
Home.
The act of returning home after the ordeal, and an extended hospital stay, was something both relieving and surreal for Dee. The hospital had been a kind of stasis, where she was removed from everything after the crisis was over and loose threads had been resolved. In fact, she found, most of everything had been taken care of when she'd been unconscious and unable to participate, by design, as it was a future version of herself who needed to handle the temporal side of things.
It wasn't that her actions, the part she played, was in any manner insignificant... if one wanted to be pedantic and technical, her role could be argued as the central one- the one that ensured the temporal loop they just traveled remained stable on both ends.
Kenny would have died, permanently, if she hadn't done what she did. Rushing the platform with a piece of conductive copper, a piece he could not have carried up himself without it being found by a thorough search, to force the machine to arc back into itself and overload while Wendy and Ike modified the operation of the thing in real-time, and Stan worked below the machine to force a manual switch on a breaker box and kill the whole process before it murdered any of them or her evil alternate version, Marie, who got caught up in the electrical storm when she tried and failed to throw a manual override and kill the experiment herself. That moment was carefully calculated to be exactly what it needed to be, painful as it was. Future versions of herself, Kenny, Wendy, and Eric had all come back to play other parts in the events, each acting as needed to provide guidance, tools, and even direct assistance that kept everyone alive and got them to the places they needed to be.
Eric went out to South Park itself and saved Kenny from a death-by-trampling when he'd been caught up in a crowd of mind-controlled drones, and ensured he got to the lab before intercepting yet another alternate version of her; Doctor Kartwright, and got her assistance in subduing his alternate version until such time as everyone could be returned to their own time frame. As per the rules, he could not interact with himself, and Kartwright needed to be stopped- if she'd come to the proceedings at the lab, Marie would have shot her on sight, and ruined any possibility of her or her version of Cartman getting returned to the version of time and reality in which they belonged.
Wendy came as an adult version of her Callgirl persona, having been the one who calculated exactly how the machine's running cycle would need to be modified to prevent catastrophe, and the one who went into the deep-down of the lab to force a strategic collapse of the power system that, once everything was over with, allowed the underground river the lab was using for hydropower to bust through and properly wreck the place, ensuring no one would be able to rebuild it or the machine again. She was also the one who arrived just in time to help Stan throw the master breaker beneath the machine- a lever so thoroughly rusted that while Stan may have been able to force it by himself, it would have taken just a few seconds too long. An extra pair of hands and the proper amount of oomph got things turned off in time, preventing both Marie and Dee's hearts from going out due to the extreme electrical current they were being exposed to.
Kenny had come as Mysterion, his future costume mostly unchanged... although he had ditched the cape; unsurprising, seeing as the length of fabric off his back was very much to blame for the near trampling Eric had to save his child-self from. His role had been a by and large stealthy one; ensuring that Stan had the proper tools at hand to remove the hatch from beneath the machine, disabling the emergency switch in the control booth so Marie would have to manually shut down the machine, altering instructions left for Marie's brainwashed work-crews so they would create the perfect storm of key failures, and also leave behind perfectly timed instructions that helped Wendy and Ike escape notice and recapture from right beneath Marie's nose. When it was all over, he had the honor of retrieving a piece of the machine- a silver ball to which every victim of it had had their hands affixed. Wendy, their Wendy, was pretty certain it was some kind of sci-fi temporally important macguffin.
Finally... there was Dee. Buttlord. She, too, hadn't changed her costume much despite being a grown ass adult; long black coats never seemed to go out of style in superhero chic. Not that she had seen her; or any of the future team, who apparently kept strict adherence to the rule that future and past iterations of the same people were not supposed to directly interact if at all possible. Doing so always ran the risk of big confluences occurring that ended up in... well, in big, messy, dangerous temporal shenanigans much like what they'd just gotten through.
Figures.
From what she heard from both Wendy and Kenny, her future self was still farting her way across time and space, but in new and more nuanced ways. She'd been able to split apart the dual versions of Cartman by use of the silver ball retrieved from the lab; an item that each and everyone of them had had contact with throughout the multiple shifts this singular universe had undergone, and apparently a key item in untangling their repeatedly shifted timeline into three separate universes that split off from one another; as they should have in the first place.
The method was not described beyond what it had looked like to an outsider, and Dee suspected she'd not understand what had actually gone down until it was nearly time to do it herself. That was the nature with loops; sooner or later, she and the others would be on the other side of it, doing it all over again.
Martin Luther King Jr's massive racial justice balls, I hate time travel so much.
After knowing what their older selves had done for them to solve the temporal mess Marie had caused and made worse by repeatedly interfering with new and younger versions of herself, and bust the lab, and help them get through to the other side alive... it made her own part seem foolishly insignificant. Small, like she'd not done much at all in the face of Marie's decades in the making, twice looped back on her own life mess of a scheme.
She should have guessed as much. Everything Morgan Freeman had told them, before the chaos broke out, suggested as much; what had happened had been bigger than them, and involved powers she was yet to grasp.
She'd spent a lot of time in the hospital, thinking about that.
Of course, she hadn't done nothing- her still recovering body was quick to remind her of that. Bruises and welts had healed within a week's time, mostly reduced to faint sites of soreness by the time she'd even woken up after everything went down... but there was plenty else, besides. Internal bleeding, inflicted by a device Marie had placed in her anal cavity to prevent her from simply fart-warping her way out of captivity after getting grabbed and tranquilized, was the most troubling and invasive injury; one that required an... uncomfortable medical device that exempted her rectum from participation for a while, and then required a diet containing great deal of fiber after she'd undergone the secondary surgery to repair the damage and let her own body handle the task of shitting again.
Besides that was her hand. Her right hand, she noticed with a faint chuckle of dark irony. It was the hand with which she'd applied the copper coin to the surface of the silver ball, while standing up on the experimentation platform with Kenny. The little disk of conductive material attracted arcs of white-hot electrical current to course back into the machine... through the back of her hand. The burnt tissues had required some... creative reconstruction, and even as it healed there was a large portion of her right hand that simply no longer reported any kind of sensation to her brain; both on the back of her hand and the palm.
The scar tissue that was forming looked almost disturbingly the scar on the back of Doctor Kartwright's right hand, a scar that, as Dee understood, she'd gotten in nearly the same way when she had been strapped into that machine a few years ago, before the lab was abandoned, whilst Marie had been running the place. The Doc had stolen a wheat penny from a lab tech who had brought of his vintage coin collection to show off to a co-worker; an old kind of currency that was made from near pure copper, and hidden it in her palm when she'd been strapped in.
Someone had said something about timelines rhyming but not repeating. She supposed the time travelers themselves were hardly exceptions to that rule.
Of course, the future Buttlord and company had not simply resolved the time loop with their younger selves; there had been another piece to the predestination paradox. One that came in a form of a delivery; a box and a notebook, passed into Kenny's hands before finding their way to Dee's hospital room and her hands.
The box had contained a wearable piece of tech; a choker that would nullify the influence in her voice, and let her speak freely without triggering obsession in the people around her who were vulnerable to it. It was simple; an unassuming black fabric choker with a little plastic circle serving as the most unimaginative kind of pendant. Without bulk or bright colors, it was something she could make all but disappear in her regular mode of dress; the bulky fabric of her favorite bright blue hoodie swallowed it up, and if she really didn't want it to show she could wind a scarf over the top.
The notebook... well, that was a different animal.
It was a rulebook.
She'd glanced at it while in the hospital, but chosen to ignore it once she realized what it was. At the same time, however, she made absolutely certain it never left her sight, and kept it in-hand when she slept to ensure no curious nurses peeled back the worn red cover and peeked at it... or crafty, overweight, adolescent sociopaths, for that matter.
Returning home, it was in her grasp and secure against her chest.
"You want help up to the door, sport?"
Her father, as they pulled in and parked his green minivan in the drive. Coming back to South Park from Hell's Pass, the sky was the sort of puffy gray that near always heralded snow, and fat, fluffy flakes were just beginning to fall as they arrived in town.
She hadn't been gone that long, but it felt like years since she'd seen this house and felt relaxed by the idea of going home.
Funny how time stretched out when life was a goddamn mess full of suffering, paranoia, and insomnia.
"I... I'm okay." She answered, hesitating on it.
She'd lapsed back into silence, despite her new piece of gear that made it safe for her to speak to anyone, at any time.
Sometimes, silence felt like the best response to some of her visitors over the past week. Remembering that she not only could talk, but that more and more people would be expecting her to do so was a new flavor of discomfort, not at all comparable to old perils... and yet forcing herself through the internal metal wall she'd built up to verbalize gave her a similar kick of adrenaline to running for her goddamn life right before Marie tranqed her ass.
Hell's Pass Hospital was a distance from town, which had prevented all but the most determined from coming to see her while she was in recovery... and the group who had been there when she had woken up had all bet set the tone for all who came after them.
Eric, Stan, and Kyle had all been there, along with Butters and Kenny... and despite the fresh hell they'd all survived, what had been the topic they wanted to dig into?
The fact that she was a girl. That she'd been lying to them, for years, about being a guy so she could keep hanging out with them without gendered stigma.
Time nearly imploded, they all nearly died in like six different ways, the majority of the town got brainwashed, and that's what they were wound up about. Finding out she was a girl because Marie's mind controlled drones had paraded her about in front of the town in a tight shirt and no binder, and because Marie had called her by her real name and gender whilst arguing with Kenny atop the experimentation platform in the middle of a gigantic lab where dozens of her friends and neighbors were working on commanded repairs.
Unfortunately for her, everyone remembered what was happening around them while they'd been controlled. There was no convenient memory loss, and there was no way to erase the town's memory herself unless she was willing to cause major brain damage to every person she attempted it on... and failing to accept things and live with consequences had been Marie's central mistake that had kicked off her fall into madness.
Not exactly an act Dee wanted to follow.
She also had a sinking suspicion that the whole event had one very specific effect that, at some point, could end up being important... and it required all the suffering, failures, and her ousted secret.
She remembered when Kenny died.
He had died up on the platform; not permanently, as he could have if the machine hadn't overloaded the way it did. Wendy had been told as much by Mysterion himself- the adult version. Everything they had done, from overloading the machine, to modifying its operation, to shutting it down at just the right moment; all of these things produced a singular effect- a result to an equation that could be considered an answer to a question.
Why did this time loop need to be?
Because she needed to have contact with the macguffin, and she needed to remember when Kenny died.
No one had told her this was the answer, specifically, but she'd spent a lot of hours on her own in the hospital. Possibly more than she ever wanted to spend inside her own head, and she could imagine no other feasible path that produced both of those consequences.
Predestination was, as always, a bitch.
Coming to that conclusion made her feel tired. Not just body or brain tired, but like... adult tried. Like the kind of tired she always heard grown-ups complaining about.
She wondered if Marie, for all her talk of making the hard decisions and doing what had to be done, ever felt like this. She was betting not, as she went up the walk to her house, pausing on the stoop to look back out at her neighborhood.
She felt different than the last time she'd come home. Older, despite it having not even been a month.
The snow made things feel lonely. Desolate. The temptation to cross yards and head next door to Butters's house, one that was usually strong when she had a spare hour or so, was faded by this unique kind of exhaustion. Why? If she felt lonely, shouldn't she want to see her friends? The holiday season was coming up- winter break was right around the corner, and the doctors had her on weight limits that all but demanded she stay on her ass for a good long while. This was a great time to start planning gaming days with her friends, and start talking snacks so dad could buy everything he needed to make the kind of goodies only stoners thought up, and tasted fantastic to adolescent idiots who were a decade off from having to worry about calorie counts.
… maybe tomorrow.
Turning, she eased the door open, greeted by the garish purple walls of the family living room that her mother kept meaning to paint over but never actually got around to. Her gaze was following a single, tired track to the stairs, intending to head up to her room and collapse into her bed as soon as possible, with a consideration towards a long soak in a hot bath later in the evening once her father had devised the right kind of cover to keep her still-healing right hand dry.
"Welcome home, Dee!"
… which lead to her half-ducking back out of the doorway in surprise when she found the house contained guests, near dropping the notebook clutched to her chest with her good hand.
Kenny and Butters had been on the couch, appearing to be laying in wait until she got in the door, and both jumping up to greet her- Butters being the one who shouted out and nearly spooked her into the flight part of fight or flight mode.
Kenny and Butters. The ones who had known she was a girl before the rest of the group. The ones who had been her allies as the other guys wanted to grill her about it, and defended her need for rest before they asked all the things.
She hoped they'd keep doing that, particularly when Eric inevitably got territorial about girls at his lunch table, once she returned to school.
You guys... fuck me, my heart is about the only thing that didn't fail, you wanna send me back to the hospital?
She glared at them both, but it was over a smirk as she regained herself, opening up to a hug that captured them together. Normally, she might have tried to lift them... but for now, she'd settle for a squeeze before letting go.
Kenny's hand remained on her arm, and he didn't depart as far as Butters did.
"... don't have to keep calling me Dee." She pointed out, stumbling over the first words of the sentence. She wasn't used to talking to Butters. Kenny and Wendy had been the only one's proven to be safe to speak to before, and just when she'd been considering trying out Butters's ears? Well... Agent Russel had happened, and she was handily reminded just how wrong trying out her voice willy nilly could go.
There it was again, that blockade she'd built up, back in force as strong as it had been before she'd started talking to Kenny. Maybe stronger- she never mumbled half-sentences at him.
Then again, Kenny was a special case, all around. He got to stay in her bubble without getting punched- one of his myriad privileges as the boyfriend.
"I know, but..." Butters winced. "We've been callin' you Dee and Douchebag and all that other stuff since you first moved in, It's just what I think when I look at you..."
Inwardly, she scoffed; Me too.
"You never really told us to use Alyssa." Kenny pointed out, having been here long enough to get comfortable, as evidenced by the scarf that usually muffled his voice being tugged down off his face to rest around his neck, and the open zipper of his orange parka. "The guys just... started doing it. I mean, I call you Lyssie, but that's just cause it makes you blush."
Kenny! Ooooh fuck you, son of a bitch, he says it and makes it so...
As if to spite him, she glared over reddened cheeks.
"Oh, hamburgers- that's true. Uh, I guess the right thing to do is... uh, well, what do you want us to call you right now?" Butters stumbled before addressing her directly.
"Dee is fine." She responded. "I'm not used to being Alyssa outside my house... and it just... feels better?"
Her shoulders rose up high, near her ears, as she shrugged.
Kenny made a noise, sort of like a lowly stated huh, but he didn't add to it.
"You kiddos gonna stand in the door all afternoon?"
A voice from behind; dad had arrived at the doorway, giving a good-natured prod that reminded that Dee was still standing in an open door with the Colorado cold seeping into the house.
"Ack- sorry, sir." Kenny apologized, stepping back and making room for everyone else to move. "We sorta rushed her."
"You kids are fine." Mom reassured, just behind dad, pulling off her gloves as she crossed the threshold into the house through the way that had been freshly cleared of kids. The fact that they were so cool with Butters and Kenny made Dee assume that this was at least somewhat planned. Today had been a school day; there was no way they could have come to the hospital without ditching, so they must have split the difference to wait at her house until she got back.
Mom continued, "Our sunshine's doctor said that they should be getting some physical activity every day as part of rehabilitation- if you all wanna go play in the snow, we'll call you in for dinner when it's ready."
'Our sunshine?' Really? Mom, the secret's out, you can just call me your daughter. Or my name. Also, 'go play in the snow?' What the fuck are we? Five?
Internal ranting aside, she could read the subtext: If you want to go hang out with your friends, we won't stop you.
"Ooo, it just started snowin' again, too!" Butters reacted to the offer to go enjoy some time outdoors with excitement.
"Just don't get too rough." Dad added from further in, stepping out of his outwear to turn his attention towards food.
Too rough. Right. Cause I'm totally gonna pick fights when straining on the shitter makes me bleed from my asshole. Totes.
"I'm sure she'll be gentle with us." Kenny grinned as he wrapped his muffler back up over his nose and mouth, zipping his coat up tight in prep for returning out to the cold. Butters was ahead of him, having adopted a jean-jacket over his usual teal shirt and a set of black gloves.
How does that kid survive without a hat? … things the world may never know.
Marveling at how proof to cold Butters was aside, she shrugged and paused within the door of her home to reach for her own outwear. She was decidedly not proof to cold, and layered up her usual electric blue hoodie with a black winter coat with faux fur lining and a poofy hood she could flip up over her black knit hat to further protect her ears, along with her usual set of day-to-day purple gloves.
She hesitated to put down the notebook. It didn't feel safe leaving it on a coffee table or otherwise, but Kenny and Butters were waiting on her.
"Oh, Sweetie, give that here... I'll take it up to your room." Mom volunteered, watching the indecision play on her face for only seconds before picking up what was going on. "You go be with your friends."
Dee hesitated, still clutching onto the notebook for an extra moment... before letting her mother take it and turning to head outside.
"So you're not comin' back to school until after winter break?"
"Nope." Dee responded to Butters. The fresh snowfall had contributed a dense layer of sticky snow to the current ground cover, enough so that the three of them had decided on building something that may or may not have been a snowy cock and balls in Eric Cartman's front yard. "Mom's excuse is that I've got a weight limit and my backpack is too heavy... but I think she just wants to buy me time to figure out... y'know."
"Know what?" Butters quested as he and Dee rolled a ball of snow to where Kenny was on sculpting duty. The first ball was already in place, with Kenny shoring up extra snow around the base to ensure it stayed stable when stacked upon. The next, approaching beach-ball sized, was being bulked up to make an appropriately girthy shaft once it was stacked on top and shaved down to give it shape.
"How I'm gonna... express myself, I guess?"
Really, she didn't know, either. One of the big reasons she'd been delaying this shit, outside of being scared of losing her entire friend group in the process, was that she really didn't know how to... be herself and perform female at the same time. Was it because she'd been performing as male for forever? No, that didn't feel right. Who she'd been up to this point had been her, minus the occasional fashion choice... and it wasn't like she wanted to slap on a skirt and heels and dance to whatever was heading the top-forty list. More that she wished she could wear tank tops without the world losing its mind over her feminine body shape, or a cute set of shorts without everyone going mad that there was clearly not a penis bulge anywhere in sight.
She could do that, now, but there was also outside expectation... a thing she usually never cared about, but when it was her town? And people whom she had known for years? And who knew her? … whether she liked it or not, this bullshit mattered.
What she did now, in response to these expectations, was going to change how everyone treated her. It would be stupid to pretend otherwise. Much as she had been trying to avoid it... shit was about to change, despite the fact that she hadn't changed at all.
At least... she didn't think she had.
"I could borrow you my princess costume." Kenny suggested with a smirk evident in his muffled voice. "Pretty sure everyone knows that thing is mine."
"No, no..." She might have physically shuddered at the thought of wearing an outright dress. "I... ugh, no..."
"Awe, why not?" Butters quested. "You'd look super cute!"
"That's the problem." Kenny said it before Dee could snap it. "Dee don't like cute- it's a dirty word."
Damn skippy. You're about the only one who gets away with calling me that.
"Ooooh... here I figured you were worried about bein' pretty." Butters mused as the pair of them judged the ball to be big enough, and bent to lift it between them. It was probably above her weight limit... but hey, she wasn't doing it alone. That didn't count. "Cause you've always been really pretty."
"Butters." Kenny warned.
"What? I'm jus' sayin, even when I thought Dee was a boy, I always thought she was really pretty."
… goddamnit I thought only Kenny could make me blush like that.
Dee ducked her head, hiding behind the ball until it was deposited atop the base, and then kept herself tucked safely beneath her hood afterward.
"I guess it's kinda like coming out as a new person, though..." Kenny considered, bending himself to sculpt the snow dick into shape. "Maybe a makeover? Like... if you wanna do your hair a new color or some shit? I bet Henrietta would help us out with some hair dye."
That's... not a bad idea, actually. Mom always said 'natural colors only' cause of the whole government coming to get us bullshit. That crap is over with... so maybe it's time for a new look.
"I like blue." She stated faintly, packing a new snowball together to begin rolling another ball so Kenny would have something to sculpt the head from.
"Whoaaaa... blue would look super cool on you." Butters marveled, practically making with the starry eyes upon imagining it. "Ain't Henrietta gonna wanna... goth it up, though?"
"Let her." Kenny encouraged. "Black and blue look bitching together, and then you only gotta bleach out the bit you want to be the bright fancy color instead of all of it."
Oh, shit, right, I'll have to strip out my natural color to do something like that... oof, my hair is frizzy and crazy enough already.
Well... it was food for thought, at least.
"I wish I could dye my hair..." Butters lamented. "Why if I just went and did it, I'd be grounded in a heartbeat."
"I never live long enough to enjoy it." Kenny lamented as well, which got a double-take from Butters as Dee finally got a fresh ball rolling that was big enough for him to help push around and pick up more snow.
"Waddya mean?" Butters asked, eyebrows raised high. "... are we talking about Superheroes again? Like how Mysterion can't die and stuff- oh, is it a pun, like die and dye?"
… nope, he's being pretty literal.
Kenny laughed along, waving the 'joke' off. "Yeah, sorry, that was random... so what's the plan for Christmas?"
"Eat food, play games?" Dee offered with a wry smirk, she and Butters rolling their ball in a slowly expanding circle as Kenny worked the shaft of his snow cock... as well as adding some fine details like veins. It looked like his dick had a slight curve to it; ambitious, considering the medium he was working in. "Dad's already gone into cookie season overdrive; him and mom brought me a bunch whenever they visited me at the hospital. He's gonna send you both home with at least two dozen tonight, so be prepared for that."
Cookie season began the second Thanksgiving was over with, where her dad basically baked every recipe he knew on a rotation until New Years. The amount of butter her house went through once the holidays began was truly mind boggling... but, thankfully, with South Park being a town of cattle and dairy, it was pretty reasonably priced butter.
"My grandma's comin' to visit." Butters huffed, sounding... less than enthused. "... don't suppose I could sleep over with one of you guys for a couple days 'round Christmas, could I?"
"Say the word, mom will make up our couch." Dee offered instantly. "We know a thing or two about shitty grandmas."
"Gam-gam isn't shitty, I just... don't like spending time around her."
"Totes." Kenny affirmed sarcastically before moving on. "My place is open too, but it probably sucks more than whatever's up with your granny. I vote we both just crash Dee's place, say we're working on a project or some crap."
"Oh, actually..." Butters trailed off for a moment, sounding distressed enough that Dee stopped rolling the ball. It was nearly the right size anyway. "... now that my dad knows that you're a girl... I... my parents, they might not let me sleep over at your house anymore, Dee."
… and the bullshit begins.
"Then tell him you're at my house." Kenny encouraged. "What the fuckers don't know can't hurt them."
"Dad'll insist on dropping me off if he thinks I'm going to your house!" Butters despaired.
"And we can't walk back becauuuuse...?"
"Because if I get caught walking over to a girl's house with another guy in the middle of the night, I'll get in even bigger trouble!" Butters cried out. "Like, call the police on me and let me spend a night in jail, trouble."
"... god I keep forgetting what kind of a ass-licking douchehog your dad is, Butters."
Couldn't have said it better myself.
"H-he's just trying to help me be an upstandin' young man." Butters defended. "It ain't proper for young boys to be spending the night at young girls' houses, and sneakin' around at night, like some kind of... sneak creature? Why, he'd tell the police I'm a predator, and he wouldn't be wrong, 'cause I'd be actin' like one, wouldn't I?"
… Revenge porn is less poisonous than your father's fucking influence on you, Butters. I'd call child services, but they'd probably give the fucker a 'dad of the year' award.
"Yeah, no." Kenny was getting legitimately irritated now, enough that he'd stopped stroking the sides of his cock to smooth out the shape of the shaft after deciding the upper half was just a touch too bulbous. "There's a problem with that thought, and it's called the bullshit assumption that every boy is an uncontrollable little monster and every girl is a victim waiting to happen. Dee's been a hot bitch for years, and not a single boy in this town is gonna take advantage of her because she can snap us all in half. Some of us might even like it."
… I... pretty sure that was a compliment. I'm pretty sure. Like... ninety percent.
"That doesn't matter- it's against the rules."
"I'll get my dad to talk to your dad." Dee suggested. "I bet they can settle it. Better than we can."
"... my dad does listen to other dads." Butters agreed, although muted. There wasn't much hope in his voice, but he tried to shake it off. "Or maybe... Gammy's nice if there's other people around. Maybe if our families get together for a party?"
"Like Thanksgiving all over again?" Kenny asked.
"Yeah, but better!" Butters proclaimed, picking up some hope. "All the scary stuff is over, right? No secret labs, no mad science, none of that- just family, friends, and good cheer! That's what the season is all about, right?"
I mean, I'm pretty violently agnostic but... sure. Holiday cheer. Let's go for that... and hope to hell no one suggests we pray before dinner. I might turn this damper collar off just to school everyone about the pagan roots of Christmas if someone gets all snooty about the reason for the season under my fuckin' roof.
Either way, it sounded pretty good to her.
"I'm game... now let's get the tip of this dick done before Cartman looks out his window and sees what we're doing."
Kenny giggled as the ball was lifted up, all hands on deck to finish their masterpiece.
Once finished, they commemorated it with a selfie of the trio in front of their creation, which got a number of tags including 'deesdick', 'biggerthanyours', 'snowballs', and 'iceboner', each one instigating more snickering from the group than the last.
A second picture had to be taken when Kenny insisted a scale photo was required, in which he wrapped his arms around the shaft to hug it... with the camera cleverly tipped to keep Cartman's house out of it, lest he come out and smash it before anyone else saw it. That photo got the tags 'jerkjerkingoff', 'frozen3', and 'lickmycandycane'.
Dee's cheeks ached from grinning after the first picture, but the second one had her laughing aloud. It was a little sound; she wasn't used to it- it was part of that wall... But Kenny vigorously stroking a snow penis with his entire body was just too much, and Butters's laughter was outright infectious as the guy went down and curled up into a ball, he'd lost it so hard.
With the sun going down on their efforts, and a bitter winter wind cutting through even Dee's coat, the trio retreated when they heard her dad shout for them from up the street- dinner was ready.
::The Author's Corner::
I promised y'all a holiday special, and so here we go. I hope everyone enjoys, despite it being late for the real-world holiday season.
ONWARDS!
-Buttlord