Soul wanted to go drown at the nearby beach. He wanted to curl up on his bed and sleep for twelve hours. He wanted to go drink himself into a stupor so he wouldn't have to think about how he'd completely lost his cool over something so ridiculous. They'd been through way worse and he'd managed to come out without acting like a horse's ass.
The last thing he wanted to do was check in with Kid, but they'd promised Maka that they'd do it. Before she let them leave the medical facility where the doctor was patching her up, she'd used her meister voice on him and a medical textbook on Black Star until they'd submitted.
He still wanted to disappear into himself when he thought of the way she kept refusing to meet his eye for more than a few seconds. Since he wasn't able to do that, he settled for a deep slouch-and-scowl combo while Tsubaki filled Kid in on the details of their latest victory.
"Is Maka gonna be okay?" Patty said, pawing at Kid so she could peek around him.
"The burn didn't look great, but the doctor said her wounds were mostly superficial," Tsubaki said. "He's sure she'll be fine when they're done with her."
Kid elbowed Patty out of the way. "All in all, it sounds like you made the best of an unfortunate situation. You saved the pre-kishin's next victim, and you should be proud. Soul, you and Maka were first on the scene. Do you have anything to add?"
"No," he said. "The thing was ugly, we fought it, we killed it. The end."
Kid shuffled in place, clearly taken aback by the edge in Soul's voice.
"Don't mind him," Black Star said, looking sidelong at the scythe. "He's just sore Maka didn't want to give him victory sugar on the volcano-top."
"Black Star," Tsubaki hissed, stepping on her meister's foot.
Liz gasped and Patty's eyes went wide, her mouth dropping into an "O." Kid just looked confused.
"I don't know what that means," the Death God said.
Black Star ignored Tsubaki's warnings and said, "He laid one on her and she knocked him on his ass, so now he's all pissy about it."
The bathroom where they were all gathered went very quiet. Soul had never wished to have laser vision so much in his entire damn life.
Kid broke the silence. "You kissed your meister during the fight?"
Soul shut his eyes and gritted his teeth. Were they seriously going to do this?
"It was after the fight, and it wasn't even a kiss," he said. "Why are we talking about it? It was a facebump, maybe. It just happened. Adrenaline, heat of battle, you know."
Everyone stared at him.
"You know, the bond between... you get all freaked out... when you're connected and things get all mixed up and... oh come on, assholes, haven't you all done the exact same thing?"
They all slowly shook their heads.
He scoffed and returned to his slouch. "You're all liars and you should feel bad about it."
"They kissed?" Liz said, leaning conspiratorially toward Tsubaki like the rest of the room couldn't hear while Patty giggled in the background. "Did he dip her?"
"It wasn't a godsdamned kiss," Soul said. "Drop it."
Kid raised a hand to quiet the noise. "Sorry, Soul, but this is concerning. What's going on over there?"
"Nothing! There is nothing going on. I had an off day and things got weird. That's all. Won't happen again."
Black Star gave a pronounced cough that sounded suspiciously like "bullshit."
"You got something to say, Star, say it to my face," Soul snapped.
Black Star threw an arm around him. "Buddy. Pal. Brother-in-arms. C'mere. I'm going to tell you exactly what's going on. Come closer. Closer."
Soul begrudgingly leaned down so Black Star could get near his ear.
"Okay, here's the secret."
He took a deep breath.
"YOU HAVE. A KING KONG-SIZED BONER. FOR YOUR MEISTER. YOU IDIOT."
Soul jerked away, wiping the spittle from his cheek. "I do not!"
Black Star dismissed him with a wave of his hand. "Look, don't get me wrong, it makes me want to projectile vomit, but I understand that you're kind-of-human and therefore weak."
Liz and Patty both collapsed to the ground in fits of laughter.
"I do not have a... what the fuck is the matter with you?" Soul said.
"What's the matter with you?" Star said. "There are only a handful of manmade things on this planet that can be seen from space, and one of them is your boner."
"Is there an insanity wave incoming? I think it's getting to you," Soul said through clenched teeth.
"Dude, Crona is on the MOON and they can see the boner you have for her."
Kid was leaning forward to inspect Soul more closely. "He doesn't appear to have an erection presently." Soul put a hand in front of his crotch and gaped as Kid stood back up. "Did he have one out in the field? Am I misinterpreting a human euphemism?"
Patty pulled herself up, gasping through her laughter. "It means he looooooooves her and he wants to smoosh his smooshy bits with her smooshy bits until they have smooshy babies."
"Ah," Kid said. "In that case, yes, I agree, it seems plausible that you 'have a boner' for her."
Soul stared incredulously around the room. "What the fuck is happening right now?"
Tsubaki pushed past Black Star and put a gentle hand on Soul's arm. "You guys, back off! I'm so sorry, it was extremely tactless of Black Star to bring this up in front of everyone."
"Thank you, someone, for seeing sense," Soul said.
"But since it's already been said, you absolutely have a boner for her." She raised her fist to shoulder height and Black Star bumped it.
"Oh my gods," Liz wheezed, waving her hand in the air so they could see it. "You have to stop because I am literally dying."
Soul stamped his foot like a petulant child. "I am the Last Death Scythe and so help me, I will bring down every last one of you if you don't shut up."
Even Kid was smirking behind his hand. "You really ought to mind your tone when addressing the new Lord Death."
"I will Jackson Pollock every wall in your house, you bastard," Soul said.
The Shinigami cleared his throat. "Were we talking about something? I can't remember what we were discussing."
"Maka," Tsubaki said.
"Jesus Harold Christ on fucking melba toast, I said lay off," Soul yelled.
Tsubaki waved her hands. "No no no, I mean it's Maka, she's back." The shadow weapon pointed to the sliding glass door, where Maka was slowly limping up the path.
"And we're done," Soul said, grabbing Black Star by the collar and hauling him toward the hallway door. "Out. All of you, out."
Tsubaki breezed past him to open the door and made room for Soul to kick Star across the hall. She gave him an apologetic smile before exiting. Before he shut the door, Black Star yelled "use protection!"
He banged his head against the wood, then turned to find Kid still peering out of the mirror.
"Get lost," he said as he came closer. "You have your report."
"Soul."
"What?"
Kid finally looked serious. "Are you going to be able to focus on the mission, or do I need to pull you back?"
He scowled. "I'll be fine."
"All right." Kid regarded the weapon with a tilt of his head. "If it's any consolation, I understand what you see in her. Your bond is almost as strong as she is. It's why you work so well together."
"I absolutely did not ask for your thoughts on my relationship with my meister."
His friend arched an eyebrow. "So you have a relationship, then?"
"BYE."
A knock sounded on the glass of the sliding door, distracting him. When he glanced back at the mirror, it was blank. He looked over his reflection, trying to rid his face of agitation before he answered the knock. Good enough.
He walked across the room and unlocked the door before going to the nightstand and pretending to fiddle with the clock. Maka slid it open and shut, locking it behind her.
"Hey," she said.
"Hey," he said. "They fix you up?"
"Mostly, yeah."
He risked a glance at her and found that she was looking at him and worrying her hands. A pair of clear bandages stretched across her leg and she was still covered in smudges, but otherwise she looked fine.
Her tongue flitted between her lips and she looked down. "Look, about earlier..."
"It was an accident," he said.
"An accident?" She looked back up at him, her brow furrowed.
He put the clock down. "I mean, not an accident, but it wasn't planned. You just..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I thought for a second that you were gone. I was riding an adrenaline high and I freaked out."
She nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense. And I'm sorry that I, you know. Overreacted."
"If you didn't overreact, you wouldn't be you." He let a smile touch his mouth. She returned it.
With a wince, she pulled at her hair, undoing the ties. "I'm gonna take a shower. You want to watch TV or something when I'm done?"
"I actually think I'm going to hit the sack," he said with a nod to his bed. "I could use the extra shut eye after the last few days."
"Okay," she said, yanking out her other pigtail. "I brought books to read."
"You always do."
She threw him a chuckle before heading for the bathroom and leaving the door barely cracked for steam to escape. He let his own smile fall, shaking his head before undressing and crawling into bed. As soon as he laid down, his friends' accusations rang through his skull again.
He hunkered under his thin sheet, grumbling bitterly into his pillow. It was an off day. Lots of stress. Piss-poor sleep. He hadn't been himself. Everyone was stupid and wrong and stupid and seeing things that weren't there and also really, really stupid.
The squeak of a faucet reached his ears, followed by the hiss of water hitting porcelain.
So ridiculous. He didn't have a boner for her, and the implication was insulting and uncool on so many levels.
Clothes whispered as they fell onto the bathroom tiles.
Just because the rest of his friends had a hard time with the Lust chapter didn't mean they had to project on him. He and Maka had done just fine with that little mindfuck, thank you very much. They knew what they were about.
She went "ah-ah" when she tested the water and readjusted the faucets.
He did not have a boner for her.
Water hit skin and she sighed.
Something stirred in him, low and aching.
"Fuck."
"Soul?" Her words trailed out with the steam floating through the cracked door. "Did you say something?"
He rolled onto his stomach. "No."
The sleep was a little better than the night before, but not by much. His dreams were punctuated with flashes of skin and tongue and hitched breath, and every time, his brain would claw to the surface of consciousness to escape, leaving him groggy and overheated before he dropped off again.
Then he was back on the black sea, staring at the red door. The walls around it splintered, cracks spiderwebbing across the plaster.
No, he thought. No, no. Stay in there.
He pressed his palms flat to the wall, pushing it back as it bowed out, smoothing it down. Years ago, he'd locked this door tight against the monsters inside so he could start fresh, and like hell he was going to let them out now. Not even the black blood had gotten to them. He wasn't about to let some stupid little spark burn through.
The voices whispered through the cracks. Not enough. Push harder. Disappointment. Lazy. Waste. Why can't you be like him? We rolled the dice and this time we lost.
"Shut up," he said. "I don't care what you think. Not anymore."
Inside were a child's tears, and he hadn't been a child for a long time. He was cool now. Good at something that mattered. The things in there made him weak, all of them.
Even the nice things. Even the things that were something like love. He'd had to let it all go to keep moving.
Now there was only loyalty, and carefully measured friendship, and a sardonic grin. That was all he needed. It was all anyone could expect of him.
The voices faded and he started to relax.
Before they went, five words crawled into his ear and settled there.
You're still nothing without her.
He sat up in bed, grimacing and pinching the bridge of his nose. His eyes felt dried out, blurry with sleep. The horizon was starting to go green through the windows.
A thin sheen of sweat made the sheets stick to him and he decided he'd rather shower than thrash around in bed for another hour. His footfalls were quiet, mindful of waking Maka, and he shut the door completely before turning on the light.
He didn't even bother with the warm water, letting it run as cold as it would go before he stepped in. It shocked his skin and he sank into it, dipping his head and pressing his hands against the tiles so the water ran across the back of his neck. There. That helped.
The faucet squeaked as he shut it off and dried himself, rubbing the towel over his hair until it stuck up every which way before he grabbed a band to hold it back out of his eyes. He changed in the lingering dark, shucking on shorts and a tank top.
Maka stirred, her long legs making her bedding sigh.
"Soul? What're you..." she mumbled. Her sleep-steeped voice stoked the coals in his belly.
"Go to sleep," he said softly over his shoulder. "I'm just gonna go for a walk. I'll be back soon."
"M'kay," she said, going quiet behind him.
He picked up his room key and slipped out, walking through the eerily silent motel lobby. A lone desk clerk gave him a tired, automatic smile, which he returned with a wave of his hand before exiting out into the humid morning air.
The world around him still smelled like fire and salt and flowers as he meandered down the road. The sky had gone rosy pink and dull orange, reminding him of the rainbow shower trees from the luau. Had that only been two nights past? Waves rushed up on shore, whispering secrets, telling him to roll the marbles in his mind.
So he did.
Soul wasn't so good with squishy-squashy vulnerable feelings, but he wasn't stupid. He'd known attraction. Desire. Lust. He knew that's what he was feeling now, he just couldn't reconcile that it was connected to his partner. Maka was friend, meister, classmate, roommate. Maybe even family, if he still knew or cared what family meant. That made all of those things one million percent more complicated, because it wasn't something he could tuck away and laugh with Black Star about. Maka wasn't a file in the spank bank. She was more, and more was dangerous.
He liked girls. He liked them a lot, in fact. It just didn't matter. Girls wanted things from him that he couldn't give, so it was easier not to get involved. Once in a while, during a weak moment, he'd kissed a particularly cute one, but he'd always felt like shit afterward when she wanted to do it again and he didn't, because doing it again would mean stirring things up inside, and fuck that. That shit caused missteps.
There was no way he could drag Maka into it. He wasn't unlocking his messed up room for anyone, and his feet had led him to a different colored door.
Yellow and red hibiscus bushes lined the path up to Keon's place, and he had to bang on the blue door for a minute straight before the Hawaiian meister answered, blinking owlishly at him through messy black bangs.
Soul pushed his way inside, scrubbing his fingers through his hair.
"Aloha kakahiaka to you, too," Keon said. "There a problem?"
"I need it out," Soul said.
Keon closed the door and leaned back against it with his arms crossed. "Maybe it's the early hour, but I'm not following you."
Soul waved his hand over his chest. "The fire. The heat. Whatever you called it. I need it out of me. It's fucking up my situation and I need a cure."
The tall boy blinked once, slowly, before breaking into rumbling laughter. He managed to calm himself and wipe most of the mirth from his face. "Oh, you poor kid. You got it bad, huh?"
"It doesn't matter how bad I have it. How do you dispel it?"
Now Keon's smile faded completely. "You misunderstood me, brother. I'll forgive you the insult to Pele, seeing as you're used to dealing with witches, and that's what you know. There's nothing to dispel."
A lump rose high in his throat. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that this isn't some spell. It's not magic." Keon placed his hand over his own chest. "It's nature, and nature always takes the path of least resistance. What's happening in you is what your soul wants."
Soul worked his mouth, but no sound came out. He wanted to say that was stupid, that it was fucked up, that it was bullshit. The words wouldn't come.
Keon shook his head. "The kindling was already there. Pele just gave it a little spark. Whether or not the fire catches has always been up to you."
He grasped on that and bit down like a pitbull. "So I can control it, is what you're saying?"
The meister sighed. "You can try and divert the flow, but I promise you that you'll only end up hurting yourself, and probably other people in the meantime."
"I'm pretty good at hurting myself. I can deal with it. Sorry I woke you." He made to leave, but Keon didn't move out of the way.
"What you so afraid of?" the other boy said, catching his eye and holding it.
Soul didn't look away. "There are walls inside me that can't come down. I put them there for a reason."
Keon shrugged. "Maybe your heart's telling you that reason's not good enough anymore. I'd listen. You can't love well when you got all that fear and envy tangled up inside, brother."
"I didn't say anything about love," Soul said, lips pulling back to expose the points of his teeth.
"You been saying it every time you're near her."
A jolt kicked Soul's heart square in the ass, sending it fluttering around his chest like a freaked out bird. "We're not like that."
"If you say so." Keon moved aside to let Soul open the door and slip back out into the sticky morning.
After he'd shut the door back up and slid the deadbolt, Jinah slinked out from where she'd been hiding in the hall. She covered her yawn with the back of her hand and shook her head.
"That one, I tell you," she said. "Malihini never know what's good for them, hey?"
"Nah," Keon said. "Not 'til they get burned. I'm going back to sleep."
A/N: "Aloha kakahiaka" = "good morning" and "malihini" = newcomer/visitor/person unfamiliar with the culture of the islands.