The higher altitude of Mauna Kea wasn't just cold in the fading daylight. It was fucking freezing.
Soul sat on a rock by the overlook near their tiny rented cabin, hunkering down inside the collar of the jacket he'd borrowed from Keon. It was too big on him, since the other boy was wider in the shoulders and, annoyingly, a few inches taller. A stiff breeze ruffled his hair and he swore colorfully into his pulled-to-the-very-top zipper. It didn't help that he was getting the first hints of a headache. Damn his stupid pride and refusing to take the offered altitude sickness pills.
The air didn't smell as good up here. He'd grown fond of the sticky, smoky sweetness of the island, but up here it was all ice and stone. Trees in the area were sparse and twisted, and he had to keep throwing his patented GTFO glare at wild goats and sheep that wandered too close.
At least the sunset was sort of pretty from this angle. It distracted him from his swirling thoughts.
Before they'd left Keon and Jinah's place, Tsubaki had stopped by. Soul nodded to her, figuring she was there for Jinah, but she'd asked to speak to him and they'd walked outside past the hibiscus bushes.
"Look," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "If this is about Black Star, he asked for it."
"Oh, he definitely asked for it," she agreed. "That's not why I wanted to talk. I actually wanted to talk about Maka."
"Come on," Soul said, rolling his eyes. "Would you all just let it go already?"
She put a hand on his arm. "I'm not trying to give you a hard time, I promise. Black Star's been a real jerk about it lately, but you know him. Whatever you've got going on, that's your business, and I'm not here to make assumptions or push."
"Good." He swiped absently at a flower that was tickling his elbow.
"I just think..." She released her breath slowly and looked down, fidgeting. "You've been surly lately. Moreso than usual. We're your friends and we can deal with it, but I think it's getting to Maka."
He blinked. He hadn't been expecting that. "What makes you think so?"
"She worries about you," Tsubaki said. "She can tell something's bothering you and it's killing her not knowing what it is, but she won't ask, because she's Maka and you're you. And..." she trailed off.
"And?" he prompted.
She looked him full in the face, her indigo eyes sinking into him. "And if you're not careful, you're going to break whatever it is you have. If that's okay with you, then you might want to let her know before she gets hurt."
Deep inside, Soul felt the flames licking at his locked room, causing more cracks to form from the heat.
"I'd never hurt Maka," he said. "You know that."
"Hm," Tsubaki said with a sad smile. "There's more than one way to hurt somebody."
She'd walked away then, leaving him absent-mindedly fiddling with the scar tissue stretched over his chest. That had been hours ago, and now here he was, still dwelling on it through the ache in his head.
The soft crunching of footsteps behind him gave him enough forewarning to school his features blank. Maka sat down beside him, stretching her long legs against the ground and leaning against his side for warmth. She handed over a steaming bowl of something-or-other.
"What's this?" he asked as he accepted the food. A contented sigh escaped him as it warmed his stiff fingers.
"Keon packed some leftover rice with spam and egg for us. There was only a hotplate in the cabin, so I hope it's hot enough."
He'd already shoveled a forkful into his mouth. "S'fine," he said. Not exactly a four-star meal, but it was salty and filling. His stomach rumbled in appreciation.
They ate in silence. The cold seemed to still Maka's tongue, and it had the dual effect of distracting him enough that he wasn't constantly thinking about everywhere she touched him. They shivered against one another. By the time they were done, the sun was nothing but a thin line of red-violet bleeding into blue-black on the horizon. The moonless night stretched above them and Maka flicked on a camp lantern so they wouldn't be in total darkness.
"Wow," she breathed, green eyes wide as she searched the sky. "Keon wasn't kidding about the stars, huh?"
Soul followed her gaze and felt his eyebrows tick up as he took in the constellations. The atmosphere was so clear and still, and the mountainside so dark, that the entire universe practically opened up before them, looking like someone spilled diamond dust across ebony marble. Even when they'd been on missions in the deep desert with no cities around for miles, he couldn't recall seeing a sky like this. A streak of stars clustered together overhead to form a brushstroke of the Milky Way and Soul suddenly felt so, so small.
One spot in the night sky remained completely star-free, like a black hole hanging above them. He felt Maka draw a shuddering breath and knew that's where she was looking, too.
"You thinking about Crona again?" he asked.
"Yeah," she said. No point in denying it. "I wish I knew what to do."
Soul swiped his thumb across his bottom lip, leaving a dusty taste lingering there. "You'll figure it out sooner or later. We won't give up."
The word "we" felt heavy in his mouth as he thought of Tsubaki's words.
Maka's fingers wrapped around his forearm and squeezed.
"We should try to find those pre-kishin," she said.
"Yeah, okay."
He stood, following her to the edge of the overlook. The island was dark save the glittering lights of the towns scattered below them. If there were other campers around, they hadn't crossed paths. It felt very much like being alone at the edge of the world, looking down as people continued on their merry way.
She stood in front of him, head bowed. In the dim light, he could only see the outline of her, but his memory filled in the gaps. As they'd done before, he spread his hands over her shoulders, dipping his face down near the nape of her neck. He felt her fingers brush his and her soul reached out.
When they began to fall into resonance, he touched something vast and overwhelming. It made him start and take a step back.
"What's wrong?" Maka said.
"Bug in my ear," he said. "Sorry."
She breathed a little laugh and he got back into position. They tried again.
Tsubaki was in his head, telling him he could hurt her. Crona stared down and Maka met their eyes with a loving smile.
"Shit," he said, dropping his hands. "I need a minute."
He couldn't see her face when she turned her head to look at him, but he could picture her concerned expression nonetheless. "Are you feeling okay?"
"I just need a minute."
She didn't push, which just made him feel worse. He needed to get things locked down. Scrunching his eyes shut, he emptied his mental vault of distractions. He poked around in his chest and found the room with the red door, shoving it further back and reinforcing the walls.
They tried to resonate for almost an hour before she finally heaved an exasperated sigh and turned on him.
"Spill it," she said.
"I don't know," he snapped. "My head hurts."
It wasn't a lie. The little pulse in his brain stem had spread to encompass his entire skull, pounding with every heartbeat and making him miserable and annoyed.
He could hear her tapping her foot against the rocky ground and waited for a scolding. Instead, she took his hand and led him back to the rock they'd been sitting on before. He accidentally kicked their discarded bowls over in the dark.
Maka sat him down and huffed. "You really should have just taken the pills."
"Yeah, thanks, Mom," he said. "What are you doing?"
She walked around to stand behind him. "Getting the tension out. Stop whining."
"What does that..."
He trailed off as her nimble fingers pressed against the column of his neck, prodding, looking for stiff muscle. They moved to his shoulder and he grunted as she worked a knot he didn't even know was there. It hurt, but it was a good hurt, the heel of her palm loosening it with warmth and pressure. He heard the snaps of her gloves come undone and his eyes went heavy-lidded when she pulled off his hairband and ran her fingers from the base of his skull through his hair and over his scalp, nails scraping just enough to make gooseflesh prickle down his arms.
Two fingers went to each temple, then the space above his eyebrows, and he didn't know how she was doing it, but the headache actually drained away, going from needles in his brain back to a dull-but-tolerable throb.
"Hmmm," he hummed as her hands spread wider, trailing down past his ears and along the line of his jaw. Now that the pain was dissipating, he started to simply enjoy her touch, the feel of her fingers. It made pleasant heat bloom in his belly, spreading to arms and legs and neck and...
He didn't notice she'd leaned in closer until he felt her searing breath against his chilled ear. "Is that better?"
His eyes snapped open and he stood, pulling out of her reach.
"Much better," he said. He sounded like he'd just run a mile. "Thanks."
Shut it down, jackass. Shut it down now.
"You ready to try again?" she asked.
"I think I need a walk," he muttered, digging into the jacket's deep pockets for a flashlight as he turned away from her, heading into the dark.
"Wha...? Soul!"
He grimaced as she grabbed the sleeve of his jacket and pulled him around.
"I'm trying to be patient here, I really am, but this is our job," she said. "You can't just dick around on this. What's going on?"
"Maybe I'm tired of work," he said. "Maybe I thought I could handle this and now I'm realizing I can't. Maybe I never really wanted to do it in the first place. Maybe I thought I was proving something."
She let go of him. "That doesn't sound like you at all. Since when do you run from a fight?"
"What else is there?" He flailed his arms at the whole world. "We fought the big evil. Now it's always going to be cleaning up little messes or sweeping up mediocre trash pre-kishins. Where's the challenge?"
Maka was silent for a long minute. "Protecting people isn't a challenge, it's an imperative. You know that better than anyone. I know you do."
"Maybe I'm not the weapon you thought I was." The words cracked on his tongue, leaving the sour taste of bad memory in his mouth. "Just leave me behind. It's fine."
He didn't let her respond before he stormed off, something wild and unholy clawing at his insides. It made his eyes burn. When he'd walked for a while, he stopped, swaying on his feet. His fingers went to his hair. They were shaking, and they were a poor substitute for hers.
What the hell was he doing? Hadn't the point of walling off all of this ridiculous touchy-feely bullshit been so that he could maintain their partnership, not destroy it? Bang up fucking job there, Soul, you enormous fucking doucherocket. What is your brain.
You're still nothing without her.
Then a tiny force of nature crashed into him from behind, almost pitching him forward. Two little iron bands in the shape of arms wrapped around him, one curling around his waist and the other pressing a clutched fist over his heart. He forgot how to breathe.
"Stupidass," Maka said, her voice half-caught in his jacket. "Do you forget how well I know you? I don't know what's eating you, but I know when I shouldn't listen to whatever's coming out of your mouth. You're the strongest, bravest person I know."
Breathing functionality restored, he sucked in frozen mountain air and didn't answer. Her hand over his heart was pressing hard against the wall inside and he didn't know how long it would hold up. Already a storm welled in him, filling him up to the throat and making it ache.
"I'll be in the cabin when you're ready to come back," she said as she let him go, her footsteps retreating behind him.
The places her arms touched felt like brands against his skin and he stayed rooted in place. He bit his lip hard to keep it from quivering. Something that felt mysteriously like tears prickled at his eyes, which was stupid as hell because he didn't cry. He never cried. Not anymore. He rubbed at them impatiently and ignored the streak of wet that went icy on his hand.
He leaned his head back and took in the sky, admitting to the swirling stars that he was well and truly fucked and he hadn't the slightest idea what to do about it.
"What would you do, huh?" he croaked at the black hole where the moon should be.
There was a smile there, a hand held out, and he knew what Crona would do. Crona would go find Maka. Crona would be a friend.
So he turned on his heel and started back. It took a lot of wandering and stumbling and swearing, since he hadn't exactly paid attention to where he was going before, but eventually he found their cabin. She was there, legs crossed on her raised camp bed and reading by lamplight. When she looked up, her smile was a little sad, but a smile all the same.
He crumpled into sitting on the bed next to her, not quite meeting her eye. "I'm sorry I'm so fucked up," he said. It was the only thing he could think of.
"To be fair, we're both pretty fucked up," she said. "It's okay. Let's just go to sleep and try again in the morning."
He nodded, gratefully collapsing into bed without removing anything but his shoes and hoping sleep would come quickly.
It didn't. It was so fucking cold, and worse, he could hear Maka shuddering and chattering her teeth next to him. After thirty minutes of his muscles tying themselves back into a million knots after she'd so painstakingly soothed them out, he gave in, his overtired mind not giving anything resembling a shit anymore. He got up and shoved his bed over until it was right against hers.
"What's up?" she mumbled.
"It's too cold," he said, throwing his blanket over the both of them. With one hand, he unzipped his jacket and pulled her close until her spine molded to his chest before he wrapped his jacket over the both of them as much as it would go. His arm snaked around her and he curled his legs up, pressing as much of their bodies together as he could manage. He nuzzled - rubbed, because he did not nuzzle - the tip of his nose into the loose hair at the back of her head. It still smelled good.
"You're warm," she whispered, her shoulders relaxing into him. "Like a campfire."
"Good," he said. "Sleep now."
"Okay."
And suddenly, miraculously, his brain shut itself down and he went out like a light.
The first thing that seeped into Soul's sleepy consciousness in the morning was that he actually felt rested. Content, even. Warm. Very warm. The rise and fall of foreign ribs under his wrist brought back the foggy realization that he was still wrapped around Maka, and he was completely okay with that.
Then he realized he most definitely had morning wood, and he rapidly became a lot less okay with it.
"Shhhhhhit," he whispered, pulling his hips back slowly and hoping she didn't wake up. She stirred a little, but mercifully stayed unconscious.
Stupid biology.
Carefully, he disentangled himself from their little cocoon, immediately wishing he could dive right back in once he was out of the blankets and back in the cabin's frigid air. It didn't help that the arm that had been pinned between their bodies all night was complete deadweight - totally asleep.
He glared at the ceiling in frustration before standing, slipping on his shoes, grabbing the overnight kit, and going outside so he could stumble toward the nearest latrine to relieve his bladder. Thankfully, the combination of taking a leak and the chilly air helped things settle down. Pissing through a slowly fading hard-on with one available hand was less than optimal, but he managed.
While he waited for his hand to start the painful process of coming back to life, he brushed his teeth and splashed water over his face, shaking his head. He felt... pretty good, actually. Minus the dead arm.
He exited at the same time Maka walked out of the ladies' side, looking fresh for the day in a change of clothes. Her hair still hung loose around her shoulders. It made her look different. Older.
For a blink, he recalled the feeling of contentment when he'd woken up beside her and wondered if there were any way to stretch that feeling out and make it better. His brain immediately obliged, coughing up several images that involved significantly less clothing. He tried to blink them away.
If Maka felt weird about their spooning session, she didn't show it when they dumped their stuff. She just took his good hand and led him back to the overlook. He shook his tingling arm out, wincing at the pins and needles that sparked his nerves.
She looked up at him. "Ready?"
He made a noise of assent in his throat and wrapped his good arm around her shoulders from behind, pulling her tight to his chest and letting his other arm hang to the side until it decided to stop being an asshole. She didn't protest or try to move away, she just wrapped her hands around his arm and closed her eyes. He rested his cheek on her head and did the same.
Their souls' connection was still jagged, mostly due to the distraction of his arm and the fact that he was trying to hide certain sexy images in the back of his brain, but they managed to get the gears turning this time, even if the movement was jerky and unreliable. Maka frowned - he could feel it in his head - and pushed her perception out. It didn't go far, but this time it didn't need to.
They opened their eyes together, staring down at the forest at the base of the mountain, stretching down toward Hilo proper. In the distance, barely visible, something sparkled among the trees, like a shipwrecked survivor flashing Morse code with a mirror.
"Found you," Maka said.