Disclaimer: DNON

I haven't pressed the issue of developing a romantic relationship with Sasuke since that night, but that doesn't mean the thought hasn't crossed my mind. In fact, as more time passes, it grows stronger in my head and somehow, I formed a defined idea of what being in a relationship with Sasuke as the mother of his child would be like. Sometimes, I think having me in his life would change his uncaring ways. Those thoughts lead to an imaginary elaborate proposal a couple of years down the line. I usually see myself seated on a home made swing hanging off the really old tree in our impossibly large backyard. Of course, in my imagination, there is no such thing as weeds so there are flowers and birds chirping everywhere. In my lap would be our son and Sasuke would be pushing us gently. For a couple of minutes we would just listen to our son laugh and giggle and make toddler sounds before Sasuke would stop the swing and make his way around to face us and drop to his knee. He would say a beautiful piece about how I changed his life forever and how the baby was the best thing to ever happen to him before leading to the very important question.

So yeah. I haven't given up on Sasuke, but I also feel like he hasn't given me a reason to besides the whole telling me he doesn't think it will ever work. At memory of those repeated rejections, I form a scowl and crumple up the paper I had been doodling on and shove it in the trash. Like, at least I can approach him without worrying about being ignored? That's more than what most girls have, so at least I can hold onto that for now.

I've actually been studying. Not the having the book open while I scroll through Facebook kind of studying, but the actual really annoying turn the phone off and do the problems at the end of the chapter kind of studying. I used to be really good about doing this stuff without the complaints, but ever since this incident with Sasuke, I lost all the discipline I acquired throughout my high school life. Ugh.

There's also another problem I have had to deal with. As I approach the fourth month of this pregnancy, my clothes have stopped fitting me...It's really kind of awkward because Ino says that I don't show that much, but I feel fat. And because I was much too scared to walk into a maternity clothing store by myself, I sent Sasuke a text asking him to take me to the mall to deal with some of this baby stuff. So yeah. I'm currently waiting for my phone to ring because he agreed to do this. But, I don't actually think he knows what we're going to do so, that will be interesting, I guess.

I suppose I could have asked Ino to go with me, but I really wanted people to think I had a significant other doing this with me instead of, you know, them thinking this was a mistake.

My phone lit up and I answered the call before it could even ring, "..." Fuck, I picked up too fast and now he probably think I'm a loser for waiting by the phone.

"Sakura?"

Ugh. Now, I'm the loser who picked up the phone and can't think of anything to say. Also, the way he said my name was way too sexy. Ugh.

"S-Sasuke! Yeah, I'll be down in a minute!"

"All right, I'll be here."

"M'kay." I quickly hung up after that and ran to get my purse and stuff.

On impulse, I ran to the window to peek through the blinds to see what he was doing. I pulled back the blinds a little and I saw him pulled up into the loop in front of my dorm. And woah. He had stepped outside of his car and was waiting by the passenger door. He looked really great actually. He was wearing black pants and a navy blue button down shirt that was unbuttoned at the top. I don't really know why he looked so great, but I knew I didn't have enough time to change my clothes into something more fancy. Also, even if I had changed, how would I have explained the matching attire? As if he knew I was staring at him, he looked up right to my window. I yelped and let the blinds fall back into their place before I ran out to go meet him.

I don't know why my heart was beating so fast, I mean I guess I did. I was almost caught staring at the guy while I was supposed to be on my way down, but whatever.

I stepped out of the building and walked towards him. He noticed me and suddenly, I was very aware of the way my arms were swinging so I like crossed them under my bust and then I noticed how awkwardly I was staring at him, so I looked down at the ground. My heart was beating fast now for an entirely different reason. I was incredibly nervous about this entire situation. What was I going to say to him? The last time when we were intimately alone, I had whined about not being together and since then I had been sure not to get into that kind of situation again, but here I was.

I looked up when I noticed I was close to him and said, "Hey," softly.

He nodded and opened the door for me.

I settled in and reached for the door handle to close it, but he murmured, "I'll get that," and shut the door gently after I snatched my arm back.

My heart was beating really fast still and I took a moment to look around his car. I noticed a black tie wadded up at my feet and papers and books tossed in the back. Sasuke reached the other side and slid in and started the car.

I stared at his silhouette and wondered what it would be like to trace my finger down the side of his face or even to run my fingers through his hair. I wanted to say something to apologize for my last real conversation with him, but I just didn't know how to bring it up.

"You look good," he noted.

But I really didn't. At least not as good as him. I guess he was just commenting on my change of attire. I was wearing a sundress today and I guess in comparison to the gym shorts and loose shirts I had been wearing to hide the added weight, this was much nicer.

"Thank you," I said humbly. "You look great as well."

Surprised, he looked over at me and we maintained eye contact for a few seconds before he turned back to face the road, "Aa."

Blushing at that exchange, I looked back down to my feet where I saw a book for expecting fathers.

I reached down for it and whispered the title of the book under my breath. In a louder voice, I said, "I have a book like this, except it's for mother." Not really expecting a response, I flipped through the pages until I hit the folded page. Impressed by the fact he was actually reading the stuff, I asked, "Sasuke-kun, why are you so dressed up?"

I was trying to steer our conversations away from the baby stuff because that's all we really had talked about. That and the assignments we had to do for our class last week.

He hesitated in answering and I could only assume he was suppressing the urge to shoot down my question, so in that respect, I was grateful for this attempt.

"I mean, you don't have to tell me," I closed the book shut and turned to look out of the window, "but it's a little weird to be all dressed up on a Saturday afternoon, you know?"

Through the reflection, I saw Sasuke glance over at me quickly before clearing his throat and saying, "I had lunch with my parents and Hitomi."

I felt my heart lurch in pain, but I guess I should have expected something of the sort to come up. I didn't say anything more and just closed my eyes.

Ten minutes later, I felt the car come to a stop and I guess Sasuke thought I fell asleep or something because he gently shook me "awake."

"Sakura, we're here."

I pretended to wake up and opened the door without acknowledging his presence. I was still a little ticked off that Hitomi was another woman in his life. I mean, I know I can't force him to be with me, but that didn't mean I wanted him with someone else.

I didn't want to walk in next to him so I pretended to pause and look through my purse for something. I rummaged through my bag and from the corner of my eye, I saw Sasuke walk past me before I started walking again. I made sure to walk a couple of feet behind him, texting and walking, because I didn't want Sasuke to think I was trying to force myself into a fake relationshippy thing with him. Also, being next to such a well dressed man was a little intimidating.

Noticing I wasn't next to him, Sasuke stopped and turned to face me with an eyebrow raised waiting for me to catch up.

Fumbling over an apology, I quickly sped up to catch up to him, "G-gomen, I had to f-find my phone or something in my purse."

He rolled his eyes and we continued walking into the mall.

Once we reached the inside, he looked at me and asked, "Where do you need to go?"

I blushed real hard because I realized my answer would make him aware of my added weight and no matter the circumstance, I didn't want him to think I was ugly.

"The maternity store," I mumbled and cringed at how embarrassed I sounded.

"What the hell Sakura? Why didn't you ask Ino to take you there?" He didn't exactly yell at me, but the annoyance in his voice was apparent.

Because I was already embarrassed about going there, I felt tears gather in my eyes and I glared at him, "Because I didn't want people thinking I was the loser girl who got pregnant and had no one else to support her. But fine, if you're too much of a dick to walk into the store with me, I'm going by myself. I'll call you when I'm done," I hissed at him. I turned around and stomped away, but half a second later, I felt him grab my arm.

I snatched my arm out of his grasp continued walking away, but he grabbed my arm again.

"Shit, Sakura. I'm sorry," he murmured stepping closer to me. He let go of my arm and continued, "I didn't realize what it meant to you."

Feeling a little emotional, I looked down at my feet and whispered, "Sasuke-kun, when this pregnancy becomes obvious, I won't know how to handle the whispers and snickers. You're a guy so there won't be anything to suggest your involvement. I'm soo afraid of what everyone else will think."

He raised my chin up with his hand and he stared down at me and said, "I promise to do whatever I can to make sure you're not alone." He wasn't stupid. He knew this was going to be much harder on me and in that moment, I knew Sasuke meant what he had said. He was going to be there for me, but he just didn't know how.

Making that a mental note to myself, I turned my face into his hand and muttered, "Thank you." I wanted to kiss him or hug him, but I knew this was difficult for him as well, so I tore myself away and gave him a small smile before taking his hand and leading him towards the store. He didn't pull away.

The lady at the store was really nice. She knew the right words to say and didn't assume we were married or anything. However, as she explained each style to me, I became more and more uncomfortable with Sasuke's presence. The lady talked about my changing body like one would talk about the weather and knowing that Sasuke could hear everything she was saying made me feel so nervous. It all sounded the opposite of sexy and while I knew we weren't a thing, I still wanted to feel sexy around him.

"O-Okay! I think I want to go try some of this stuff on now!" I interrupted the lady's ramble.

"All right, let me go get a fitting room started for you," Chiyo, the lady, smiled at the two of us. We were the only ones in the room and now I was kind of wishing I had come alone.

I stared in the direction of the lingerie and tilted my head to the side wondering how I would look wearing that lace. I glanced over at Sasuke and saw that he had followed my gaze with a small smirk on his face.

Impulsively, I smacked his arm and teased him, "Pervert!"

His smirk only grew and he responded back, "That I am." He then gave me an approving once over.

I felt a smile grow on my face, but when his eyes met mine, I saw the look change to being guarded and hesitant. I could tell he was regretting that comment.

The following disappointment was a little too much and I walked away from to the opposite side of the room so I could wipe away the tears privately.

"Ahh, the room is ready whenever you are!" Chiyo announced.

I grabbed a few things off the rack and walked over to the dressing room ignoring Sasuke's presence.

I sat in the dressing room on the chair for a couple of seconds only in my underwear trying to find the courage to try on the maternity baby doll dress. I heard other people come into the store and I heard giggles shared between a man and a woman.

I didn't have that. I brought Sasuke along so that I could pretend to have that, but no matter how hard I tried, I just wouldn't.

I heard a knock on my door and I cleared my throat and said, "This one is taken!"

Then I heard his quiet voice, "Sakura, are you all right?"

The concern in his voice was real and I don't know why, but I wanted so badly for him to want me. I wanted to have what that other couple had, but I knew I had asked enough times, so what else could I say other than, "Y-Yeah?"

I forced myself to stand up and try on the floor length dress. It was a royal blue dress with a v neck and a ribbon tied below the bust. It was actually really cute, but all I could see was the slight bulge through the layers of flowy fabric.

I opened the door a tiny bit and saw Sasuke leaning against the wall with his phone in his hand. I really needed a second opinion, but I was too afraid to call out his name. I was afraid of bursting out in tears so I closed the door gently and sent him a text message.

I need your opinion. Please don't laugh.

A couple of seconds later, I heard a knock on my door, "Sakura?"

I took a deep breath and opened the door. I couldn't look him in the eye because it was so humiliating, so I stared off to the side awkwardly waiting for him to say something.

He said, "It looks nice."

At the sound of his voice, my eyes jumped to his, but I saw that he wasn't looking at me anymore and I felt insecure. I crossed one arm over my growing belly, "A-Are you sure?"

He didn't look at me, but he nodded once in affirmation.

He looked like he was going to walk away, so I grabbed his hand and cried, "Then why won't you look at me? Am I so gross that you can't even stand the sight of me anymore?"

He must have been really surprised by my insecurity because he didn't shake me off or anything.

I looked at him in fear with tears dripping down my face. In that moment, I could feel I was going to be all alone forever. No one would want me while I was pregnant and no one would want me afterwards because this child of mine would be baggage!

I let go of his hand and shrunk back into the dressing room ready to tear the dress off of me. I put on the sundress I had come into the store with and grabbed the clothes I had picked out, leaving the stupid blue dress. I yanked the door open and marched past him, ready to purchase and get the hell out of the store.

I walked over to Chiyo and forced a smile when she asked me if I had found everything I needed. I had. I had found the confirmation of the long lonely and ugly road I had in front of me. The total rang up and while I searched for my credit card in this stupid overly large bag of mine, Sasuke was handing over his.

I slapped his hand away and glared at him while Chiyo stared at us. "This is something I can handle on my own Sasuke."

"Don't be stupid, let me do this for you," he glared at me.

"Fuck off, you jerk, I don't need you." I handed Chiyo my card and she quickly swiped it pretending not to see the tears that were threatening to fall.

I grabbed the bag and stormed out of the store knowing Sasuke was following me.

Before I could make it to the car, I stopped behind a pillar because I couldn't hide the whimpers that left me. I didn't want him to see me like this anymore. He had seen me at my worst too many times, and now, I didn't even have the attraction I once had with him. I cried into my hands knowing I had moments before he found me.

"What the fuck was that?" He was genuinely concerned as he pulled my hands away from my face.

"I'm ugly! Even you couldn't look at me! God, I'm going to be alone forever! No one will want a girl carrying this, this baggage!" I broke down, letting the tears flow freely now.

"Stop." He tangled my hair in his hand and pulled my forehead to rest against mine.

I tried to push him away because I didn't want this pity whatever it was but when his other hand came around my waist, my hands stopped struggling and gripped his shirt.

"The reason why I couldn't look at you is because I am attracted to you."

"W-What?" Now it was my turn to be confused, but in this moment, that wasn't the important thing.

"I'm attracted to you," he repeated simply, releasing me from his grip.

"But then...two weeks ago?"

He pulled away from me and looked straight into my eyes, "I said I am attracted to you, but that's just it."

I didn't know what that meant. How was I supposed to take that? But why couldn't he look at me? Was he attracted to the body that I had a few months ago? Did he feel sorry that I had to go through all of this while he would endure no physical change?

"But why couldn't you look at me?" I whispered, "Do you pity me?"

He brought his thumb to my lips and traced the outline, "Pity is the last thing I feel for you right now, but I told you, I am attracted to you."

I still didn't understand. What did that mean?! What did that have to do with not being able to look at me?

Agh. so the confusion continues!

I gave the two a little fluff, but next time I'm going to have to deal with Hitomi and parents and stuff. That should be interesting.

More importantly, if you feel like the transition between the Sasuke from the previous chapter and the Sasuke in this chapter is not quite so fluid, please let me know. Sasuke's evolving feelings is something I have dreaded for a while, so I am definitely a bit worried about how it has been presented.

Also you guys, I'm sure you are aware the writing style has changed from the beginning of this story to now. I hope to one day go back and fix everything to the current representation of my writing, but I hope for now, it's okay I leave it the way it is.

Also, really sorry about the delay in updating. Writing has become very difficult for me, but I will do my best to update more frequently!

Please continue to show your support!

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Sasusaku779