A/N: You guys must realize, this was supposed to be a one-shot. Then I had the stupid idea to re-write the first chapter into a second, bastardized version. And now I feel obligated to sort out the problems I induced there, albeit in a deliberately perfunctory fashion that I absolutely will not apologize for. Hence, the birth of FW. *headdesk* My brain, it bleeds gooey stuff.
Despite his best efforts, the unbidden reactions he felt would not erase themselves from his mind. It was met with much frustration as well, having no luck finding answers from the Internet. Every site he visited was based around the concept of relationship counseling. As common sense as it was, it was still annoying that there was a distinct lack of "thief and detective" descriptors in the filter for relationship "type", especially not underage detectives. The closest he could think of was perhaps "business" relationship, but that sadly did not seem to include kissing, or groping, or anything close to what Tantei-kun had done to him.
How was he supposed to find an explanation for the strange things his body did during that impromptu meeting? This was not supposed to be such a difficult thing. He was not stupid - rather, in fact, he prided himself on his sideways intellect. But this was entirely uncharted territory, and clearly new to the world, judging by his abysmal Google results. Surely there had to be some kind of scientific study somewhere regarding the physical effects of being molested and/or kissed by minors. He really wanted to find some counter-measure. The spiderbots were doing a poor job of helping his cause. So, as a last resort, he found himself ceding to the tried and true method - asking one's peers.
During his civilian life, Kaito was extremely careful and dutiful about keeping his one huge secret just that - a secret. But, as for everything else, he had a terrible tendency to be brash, blunt, and get himself into trouble by the things he said, either intentionally or not. Today was no exception. After all, how else to broach the subject without outright describing what happened? Ask other people about their own experiences, of course.
"Aoko, you kiss people, right?"
"Excuse me?" A few desks down, he could hear some sputtering coming from Hakuba's seat. Despite the interesting reaction, he maintained his glance at Aoko, in hopes for her wisdom to aid him in his plight. Her incredulous and warning tone was clear to him though, so he quickly added on an additional clarification.
"When you kiss someone, what kind of reaction do you get?" He supplied her with a winsome smile as well, in an effort to cajole an answer. If it was as embarrassing as he suspected, maybe he could rile it out of her.
He dodged the incoming bag swung at his head, and sighed internally. While just as reactive as he liked her, it was not exactly the explanation he was looking for. Aoko was a physical person, so he figured she must kiss her dad on the cheek a lot, and probably her good friend Keiko, as well. Hadn't Hakuba also given her a quick kiss on her hand, once? She should know these things, right?
"Kaito, you pervert!" But maybe not.
"I'd try to ask Akako-san, but I'm afraid she might try to kiss me!" Honestly, he felt the witch would know best about this subject, considering her extensive control over the rest of the school's male population, but stoutly refused to talk to her more than necessary. She still gave him chills down his spine, regardless that she seemed to have mellowed out after her failed attack on his life. Akako was an expert about manipulating people, and he had a sneaking suspicion she may have even used the same methods Tantei-kun had, but the thought of dredging up that possibility was frankly rather terrifying, and he had no intention of revealing how effectively it knocked him off-balance. No need to give her ammunition to use against him. His defensive retort was met by another aimed flash of black leather, as Aoko's bag flew in an arc through the air.
"Girls are not like you, Ba-Kaito." She was seething at some implication he did not fully understand - and really, why was she so short-tempered today? He'd only flipped her skirt one time this morning, and hadn't even announced the pattern he found there (green polka dots). This was completely ignoring the fact it was still only lunchtime, and they had half a school day left to burn. His plan to disrupt biology with his flock of pigeons was still over an hour away. Any flying skirts at that time would be purely incidental. They were studying avian characteristics, after all. Human biology was still much further in the curriculum.
But, she had a point.
"Hmm." He ducked, dodging another fierce swing and popped up in a low crouch in front of Hakuba's desk, resting his chin on folded arms. Indigo eyes peered curiously up at him, even as Aoko still stood a bit flabbergasted from Kaito's sudden disappearance a mere ten feet away. Foreigners commonly kissed each other on the cheeks, so far as he knew. Moreover, he knew Hakuba often acted out the suave gentleman, and personally witnessed him kissing a number of pretty lady's hands. As a plus, he was a detective. "You're prim, but a guy. You're a foreigner, so I know you've kissed before. What's your reaction like?"
Faintly, he felt the surface give way and move under his arms, and he could swear the desk was vibrating. Oh, maybe that was just Hakuba shaking. He was awfully pink in the face, causing Kaito to grin. Okay, so maybe he wasn't so wrong having that reaction to Tantei-kun. Must be a natural, uncontrolled physical kind of thing. But still, Tantei-kun was two things: a male, and in a tiny body. Maybe he should be more specific.
"Have you kissed a guy before?" Suddenly, he fell pale, and shot Kaito a look of horror.
"Kuroba-kun." Kaito tilted his head slightly, hoping for a satisfactory answer. All boys were perverts, right? Regardless of circumstance. A strange play of hormones. It had nothing to do with anything else. His voice was slow, meticulous, and a bit strained. "I am British, not gay."
A beat. Another. Then Kaito bust out in a heartfelt laugh. He had a few seconds to indulge the humor before Aoko zeroed in on him, aghast at the short clip of conversation she had overheard.
"Kaito!" Her voice softened a bit, as she meekly sent an apologetic head bow at Hakuba. "I'm so sorry, he's an idiot."
"Aoko, that's mean!" Kaito was still struggling through errant tremors of laughter rolling through his chest. Normally he was light and quick on his feet, but with this newest distraction, she was successful in clocking him upside the head with a dull thunk! He crouched, cradling his head and rubbing at the point of impact with careful fingers. "Ow!"
Aoko leaned in and hissed in his ear. "What is wrong with you today, Kaito?"
The grin he shot at her was a bit disarming, and caused her to back off, if only minutely. "Research." The prickle at the nape of his neck alerted him to the fact that Hakuba had now taken an acute interest in him. A glance up confirmed the steely eyes boring holes in his direction, and once met by Kaito's, they narrowed into suspicious slits.
"If I find out the Kaitou Kid has begun assaulting people, infringing upon their chastity, or any other such dubious offense, he will have yet another string of charges presented to him in court as soon as I capture him."
Kaito pasted a look of bland indifference over his features. "Hakuba, exactly what does that have to do with anything? I sincerely doubt Kid-sama would do anything like assault people. Last I checked, he's a gentleman thief, remember?" Right. Tantei-kun had molested him first, after all. It was a defensive measure. Purely a strategic move.
Of course he did not want to hurt Tantei-kun in any way - just dole out some divine retribution. He would restrict the embarrassment to moments when they were alone. He was a gentleman after all, even when handing out revenge. He might be petulant and a little immature, sure, but he knew how to be polite when it counted. And, it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact he did not want to advertise Tantei-kun's affections to anyone else. This was their little secret. He just wanted to give Tantei-kun a little payback for catching him unawares, is all.
"Considering Kid's track record, I suspect any research you are conducting will inevitably lead to nothing good."
"Again with your accusations. It's a bit tiresome." Kaito sighed. Things were getting off track. This was not supposed to be so difficult! Hakuba was a pain, and sharp in all the wrong ways. At least Tantei-kun was not as anal-retentive and narrow-minded - he had a much more playful kind of attitude that Kaito had grown to like. He was hoping to bank a bit on Hakuba's ability to jump logical fences, much like himself, but it appeared he got a bit tangled up in his obnoxious obsession with pinning Kaito down as Kid, and got lost halfway. Somehow, he felt his hopes for a satisfactory answer slipping away.
"I'm going to have to agree. He's an idiot," and with this, Aoko shot him a scathing stare, before turning back to Hakuba. Kaito wilted a bit under her glare, giving himself another internal sigh. "So there's no way he could be Kid. But you are right in that there's nothing good about that thief. If he does begin assaulting people, I'll start standing guard in the crowds with my mop!"
Kaito made a mental note of that proclamation, and flagged it with a bright red mental marker. He would definitely be keeping an eye out for her in future heists. He would need to devise a unique Kid method to disable the weapon, should she ever have the opportunity to use it. There was always the option of switching it out for a far less lethal bouquet of flowers.
"Kid-sama is a showman. He's too professional to do anything like that. He seems to have more manners than that father of yours." Kaito bit the inside of his cheek, willing the testiness away. Instead he shot her a cheeky grin.
"If by 'professional', you mean in the sense of 'delinquent', then I might agree with you. His version of being a gentleman is, at best, an image of pretentiousness and ostentation." The last bit was spoken with a faint sneer, and Hakuba swished his hair fringe back in that infuriatingly familiar display of his own self-importance. Kaito had to pause for a moment to wonder if he was talking about himself or Kaitou Kid.
Really, the two of them were practically like oil and water. If he pulled the stick a little bit out from between those tightly squeezed cheeks, they might be able to get along. He supposed his night job would always be a hindrance to any possible friendship they might have. Things were always okay until the topic of Kaitou Kid came up, and with no small amount of irritation, Hakuba seemed to revel in bringing it up.
"I hardly believe for one minute that Kaitou Kid is a gentleman," Aoko huffed in irritation, winding up for a winded tirade worthy of her father's on any day. "He's nothing but a dirty thief, who mocks the police any chance he gets! I swear, if he even thinks about accosting any of the poor guys, he'll have me to deal with!"
Both boys took a head dive at that, with Hakuba narrowly missing his desk. Much to Kaito's annoyance, she had never revised her opinion that the Kaitou Kid was gay. While immensely grateful to Akako for impersonating him to get Hakuba off his back, she left an embarrassing mar on his nighttime reputation. He really did not care what people thought about himself, but he did not appreciate the inference about his father.
Kid's persona was something he had inherited, and was not too keen on doing anything to sully his predecessor's image. This was one of the main reasons he was so adamant about protecting his Poker Face legacy. Everything about his father was special, and he dearly wanted to protect it. Even when it came down to something as juvenile as Kaitou Kid's presumed sexual preference. Thankfully, it seemed that Aoko was the only one who held onto that belief.
"Aoko, he would never do that!" On second thought, Tantei-kun might also be under the impression. But, well, that worked in his favor, so he could overlook that.
"… I am, for once, inclined to agree with Kuroba-kun. He has shown no such predilection, despite his flamboyance." Hakuba's voice was once more strained, as if the effort to agree with Kaito took much more energy than usual. Kaito imagined the topic itself was also probably difficult for him, judging from his earlier terse reaction. Must be a British thing.
"I wouldn't be so sure. All boys are perverts." The voice was peppy, and entirely too happy-sounding for the statement itself. To Kaito, though, it sounded like it was ringed with choruses of hallelujahs, as he was finally no longer outnumbered by anti-Kid activists. Keiko smiled mildly at the trio, content with her proclamation. "My dad makes sure to remind me of this at least once every week."
The three stared at her, her words ringing in the air as silence overcame them all. And then, a multitude of things happened. Kaito was trying his hardest to stifle the laugh bubbling up in his chest. He could see Hakuba's face contorting into a variety of expressions, before settling on one Kaito guessed was indignation at the thought of being lumped together with the Kid for anything so scandalous. Aoko was wavering between two things he could not quite place. It was Hakuba who finally cleared his throat and spoke up.
"Momoi-san, not every one of us is perverted." Kaito was beginning to fail his battle with the impending laugh. To hear such words uttered from the prim and proper Hakuba Saguru was amusing in itself. The insult to his dignity must have been unbearable, and for a moment, he thought it served him right for being so damned straight-laced. To see the consternation on his face was another drop in the bucket.
She smiled sweetly. "He also told me to never believe a boy when they say they aren't." Hakuba's face paled at her serene gaze, and that was the last straw. Kaito keeled over, hugging his stomach as laughter shook him. Gods help him, the answer he was looking for came from the least expected of places, just as he'd given up hope for finding it. In his mirth, he gave a distant thanks to the shining pillar of wisdom known as Keiko's father.
He was sure there were other bits of pertinent conversation somewhere in the aftermath of the debacle, but couldn't bring himself to pay attention, lost in his fit of giggles. This was a golden moment, something he did not want to let go of too quickly. More importantly, though, was the key bit of information he'd been hoping to confirm all day.
Namely, that boys were all absolute perverts. He could live with that. So, he had nothing to feel guilty about, and it was all a perfectly natural reaction. This made things a little easier for him, for the next time he met up with Tantei-kun. His own unbidden responses aside, Tantei-kun was a boy too. He could be taken by surprise just as well, and he knew now to just ignore that strange little fluttering feeling, no matter how insistent it became. A feral grin grew over his face. He really wanted to test this out, because there was one more important little bit of information.
Tantei-kun liked him. This was far too interesting to ignore.
Kid liked him. That wasn't funny at all, and he wanted to ignore it.
Conan let his head drape on the coffee table, the side of his glasses biting into the flesh of his temple, and surely leaving a mark. The glitter of sunlight stained the space around him, as the afternoon angle gave access to Agasa-hakase's living room through the odd, cylindrical skylight adorning the majority of his roof. It cast an abstract, focused pattern of light through the lenses, splaying across the surface by Conan's eyes, and he found himself staring at it.
Occupying his mind was the all-consuming thought that he was Not Ready to go back to the Mouri Detective Agency. His brain needed a serious break from everything. So far, he'd been able to avoid thinking about that incident, while he enjoyed Hattori's company, but for some reason, hanging around Ran was causing memories to flitter up from the shadowy corners of his brain. He kept seeing flashes of Kid's arms around her, every time he caught her eyes, which in turn gave rise to other memories.
And so, in an effort to continue his mind-numbing exercise of "think Not of it", upon their return to Beika, he'd elected to stay the remainder of their short break at Hakase's place, with the excuse he was promised to play another new "game" he had invented. Mildly, Conan wondered how much longer that thin excuse would last with how often it was employed.
A shadow of dusty maroon flashed in front of his eyes, and he knew that he was now the subject of Haibara's attention. "You don't look well."
Oh, what an astute observation. Blue eyes slanted up and over to look at her in the face. "Kid." As if the one word could explain everything. A single eyebrow rose in a curious arch, and her lips quirked.
"Concerning his latest heist, things turned out well in the end. Even if Kid did manage to get away. Again." The slight curve of her lips caused all of Conan's hackles to bristle in self-defense.
"I had other problems to deal with."
After depositing the steaming mug near his head, she turned, making her way over and hopping onto the nearby couch. A matching mug was gripped in her fingers, and she watched the liquid inside swirl as she rolled it between her palms in slow, methodical movements. "A lethal bacteria, the revived Red Siamese Cats, a hostage situation, and an elaborate thieving operation in Nara." The mug pulled up to her lips, and she took a small sip, eyes closing to savor the taste. "Not to mention the bombs, and flying out the window without a parachute."
He pulled himself up and plastered his fingers around the offered drink. "Like I said, I had other problems to deal with."
"Kid was the one to rescue you. Is that why you let him go?"
Conan choked and shot her an irritated look that border-lined on scandalized. He was a detective - he did not just let criminals run free! Well, there was that one time, but he saved Genta's life, so it was fair. Relatively. "What makes you think I let him go?"
Haibara opened her eyes and regarded him in thoughtful silence. She finally turned her attention back to her mug. "You really haven't noticed, have you?"
"Noticed what?" Blue eyes darkened at the jab to his observational skills.
Was that his imagination? He could have sworn he saw the edge of a smirk hinting around the curve of the cup. "More often lately, you have allowed Kid to escape without trying to capture him. Though why you give him special treatment as opposed to other criminals, I'm not sure. Is it because he's a thief and not a murderer, I wonder?"
That couldn't be right. Frowning, he paused to consider all of his past interactions with Kid.
Clock tower heist, tried to capture him - first encounter, Kid implicated the true culprit
Black Star heist, tried to capture him - first encounter as Conan, Kid impersonated Ran
Magic Lover's case, let him go - Kid treated his illness
Faberge egg heist, tried to capture him - Kid discovered Conan's true identity
Post-Faberge egg heist, let him go - Kid did him a favor by posing as Shin'ichi
Sunset Mansion case, planned to capture him, but had no chance - Kid impersonated Occhan
Mid-air walk heist, tried to capture him - Kid impersonated Jirokichi-ojisan
Eccentric mansion case, let him go - Kid protected the kids and saved Genta
4 Paintings case, tried to capture him - Kid impersonated Takagi-keiji
Teleportation heist, tried to capture him - Kid gave Conan a direct challenge
Star Sapphire heist, tried to capture him - Kid impersonated Shin'ichi
Post-Star Sapphire heist, let him go - Kid helped land airplane
Iron Tanuki heist, let him go - Kid saved Lupin the dog
Kirin Horn heist, tried to capture him - Kid stun-gunned Conan
Trap Island heist, let him go - Kid protected the kids
Ryouma return "heist", let him go - Kid exposed the fraud
Lady Sky heist, let him go - Kid saved his life
Post-Lady Sky heist, … Conan refused to think about it
Groaning, he let his head fall back to the table. Why did she have to be right? Moreover, it looked like his trend was moving more rapidly towards leniency than he would have imagined. If he did not ramp up his efforts soon, his reputation might suffer. "I'm not cutting him slack or anything."
Her only reply was to sip quietly at her mug.
More importantly, he wanted to know how closely she kept tabs on his cases. Haibara had only been to a handful of Kid's heists, and as far as he knew, she should only be aware of his acquiescence to let him fly away once. Sure, he talked about cases and heists after the fact, but he never outright said he ever let the Kid go. At least, he didn't remember ever saying anything like that.
He had tactfully decided to keep the fact Kid knew of his true identity a secret, though, to keep from agitating her already sizeable paranoia. The thought of Kid probably caused a good deal of stress for her, seeing that, inevitably, Conan's picture would boldly flash across the news as the famous "Kid Killer", drawing conspicuous attention to his shrunken persona.
And this latest development? He was firmly going to keep his lips sealed.
"But you do give him special treatment."
"I do not." He did. He knew he did. He just couldn't bring himself to really think of him as a bad guy. Was he allowing his judgment to become cloudy? He wasn't giving their anomalous… friendship precedence over his duties to bring down the hammer of justice, was he? His conscience squirmed into a nasty ball at the pit of his stomach.
Once more, that eyebrow arched at him, surely due to his clipped retort. If that hadn't sounded childish, he didn't know what did. And he made a whole production of the child act. He was intimately aware of that fact.
"I was not sure about it before, but judging by your distress, somehow, I believe you are causing your own problems, Kudou-kun. If it weighs so heavily on you, do what you always do, and take it head on, without reservation. Considering this is Kaitou Kid we're talking about, I doubt you will find yourself killed for your usual reckless behavior." Another slow, savoring sip at her mug.
He raised his head and looked at her as if she'd grown another head. And a few extra ears, or eyes, or some other absurd mutation of the human body that he figured, even with her frightening pharmaceutical knowledge, was quite impossible. Leave it to Haibara to not only insult him in the same derisive breath, but provide sound advice.
He huffed and let his chin rest back on the table. Quietly, he parroted her words, more to himself than to anyone in particular. "Take it head on." Conan could do that, even without her prompting, though he'd hoped to put it off for a little longer.
Kid, the Kaitou Kid liked him, a detective. Could he accept that? It felt strange and uncomfortable, to have such a close and private emotion rudely invading his mental image of the Kid. It rocked everything he knew down to the core. More than that, it forced him to re-evaluate his perceptions, and all his previous interactions. Kid was no longer a mere criminal, no longer a nuisance, no longer the exciting challenge, he was human and personal. His chest clenched at the thought. With that, he knew his balance was completely thrown.
Could he face down that same smirking face, chase as fervently, as ruthlessly? If he finally managed to grab that white shadow in his fingers, what then? His chest clenched into a tight vise again. He would hold everything, everything about Kid in his hands. Body, freedom, heart, trust, future, even the mysterious mission he was sure Kid was following, one Conan wasn't entirely sure he wanted to get himself mixed into, because if it was giving Kid that much trouble, then it had to be Trouble.
He allowed his eyes to slide closed, even as his brow furrowed in thought. Never did he want to be in this kind of a situation. As a detective, he was not supposed to ever have any kind of sympathies for the ones he struggled to bring to justice. It was entirely about exposing the truth, and any fallout after that was the consequences culprits had to pay for their actions. He did not like being a part of those consequences. It felt far too much like betrayal. It was a bitter taste he did not want to partake of anytime again soon. It was heartbreaking to be the cause for one of his soccer idols to be arrested, even worse to convince said foreigner to give himself up. Cases that became personal had a sharp and painful tang to it that he found difficult to swallow. And there Kid was, wiggling his way in like nobody's business.
It was bad enough he was fully conscious that the moment he captured Kid, he would be disappointed that their game of cat and mouse was over. But that was rival-speak talking there. Not regret at locking away a friend, or anything. Not that they were friends. Not really. So damn it, why did he feel so terrible at the thought?
Kid had a tremendous penchant for mischief, and causing problems. He wasn't even in his presence, and he was creating havoc. Damn thief.
Conan had tried a few times before to profile Kid, finding the endeavor a true exercise in futility. This circumstance only fortified his opinion on the matter. What in the world was Kid thinking, developing an interest in a detective? Total insanity! He desperately wanted to understand. And, acerbically, he noted that if it was among his intentions to get personal, he had fully succeeded in that venture.
He couldn't even tell if Kid was being absolutely serious, or not. Not that he'd heard any reports about other people getting k-kissed. Okay, no, he had to be serious in some respect, because while Kid was many things, he had a strange code of honor. And he did treat him differently from the other authority figures; almost like an equal - something Conan took untold appreciation in, especially given his current stature.
As far as he could tell, Kid had to be close to his own age, so the sense of "equal" really did seem appropriate - they were peers, in a way. During the eccentric mansion case, he seemed awfully attentive towards Conan, seeming to almost ignore the others as soon as he donned his cape and monocle, his focus narrowed down and pointedly on him alone. He thought it a little strange at the time for the theatric Kid, if a little pleasant to be considered above the rest. Originally, he thought it might have been because he was considered the greatest threat. It made more sense now, all things considered.
A series of clunks and the sound of shuffling filtered through his hazy thoughts, causing Conan to slit his eyes open. The room had grown a tawny orange color, courtesy of the setting sun. Where had the time gone? His head lifted, giving rise to a small crick in his neck, and his temple ached from the press of his glasses. He rubbed at the indention idly. Somewhere during his thoughts Haibara had disappeared, and slowly he realized he must have dozed off. A quick glance to his watch proved his theory correct.
He sighed as he stood, pausing for a lengthy stretch. The cup he'd emptied earlier still sat on the coffee table, so he swooped it up, and meandered his way to the kitchen.
"Have a good think?"
Conan was a bit surprised to find Haibara loitering in the kitchen, instead of sequestered in her makeshift laboratory downstairs. The spread of foodstuffs across the counter explained why. A faint nod answered her question, before he spoke. "I dozed off for a bit." It was a little bit of a guilty admission. Normally he did not fall asleep in the middle of conversations. The fact they had reached a lull did not really matter that much.
"I gathered as such, when your mouth began to gape open." He shot her a deadpan, which she openly ignored. "Well?"
His house slippers scuffed against the tile floor on his way to the sink, and on pointed toes, he deposited his mug there. "More or less. The cause of problems is less important than the solution to them." He paused for a thoughtful moment, before continuing. "Even if they sometimes seem to be the same thing." Turning, he gave that familiar boyish grin, all promises and determination. It was a look that hinted at a strategy he was just itching to try.
"Seems your chance is soon, then. The news just announced it about half an hour ago."
"Announced what?" Curiously, he blinked her way.
"The next Kid heist."