It was frustrating, even maddening, to be so content and still so empty at the same time. Pennywise had never felt anything like it before, especially not when it came from within himself.
Human beings could be beset by a combination of conflicting emotions and it never mattered to IT then. But now he puzzled over how such puny and dully-made creatures made of clay and meat dealt with it all the time.
The near simplification of a camaraderie with the very race that fed Pennywise very nearly took root in the horror's mind, but the answer clicked the first-time Mikey planted a slobbery kiss on the clown's ear. The child had laughed, groping for the clown's red nose and red hair as he crawled about his father's chest and pressed his pudgier face against Pennywise's cheek. And, that feeling that Pennywise could only ever hope to label as possessive delight reinvigorated his ache.
The answer was thus: he needed a full brood, not just one little creature to protect and keep near.
Edward Kaspbrak had been born prematurely; a tiny, squalling baby whose skin already began bluing because his underdeveloped lungs couldn't take in the air he desperately needed. He'd been rushed from the maternity ward to neonatal care before his panicked, thrashing mother had had the chance to hold him in her arms.
To make matters worse, Sonia's husband had left not long after Eddie's birth, having decided to escape living with an already tempestuous wife and a fragile baby. The decision had come at a time where it was beyond questionable, and where the town of Derry felt properly piteous and outraged on the newly-single mother's behalf.
Yet, that was the only bit of sympathy lent to Sonia by the end of the whole ordeal. No one wanted to seriously deal with Mrs. Kaspbrak if they could help it – apart from giving her and her surviving child some uncomfortable winces for smiles as they passed by.
That grimacing, unsteady politeness extended so far as to just outside city limits, where Derry General Hospital sat. As far as Sonia was concerned, the hospital was the only place that mattered in handing out help and forgiveness, as ever since the birth of her abnormally small child, her hypochondria had increased ten-fold. The doctors and nurses that staffed the same hospital handled her with icy care and compliance demanded of them by medical ethics, and their state-issued pay. It was as entertaining to Pennywise, if he let the heavyset woman entertain his thoughts at all, as watching a worm wriggle on a hook. She would die in a hole in the ground someday… but that wicked catharsis evaporated just as soon as Eddie fell under her hawkish 'protection'.
Like every living thing that was born and that died in his town, Eddie's birth was felt and only an exception in so far as the sewer-dwelling entity could ascertain. The child had, like many, a spark of something inside him that began in the heart and strengthened with the mind. When Eddie reached the point of taking care of himself at three-years-old, bowing to the hysteria that made his mother helpless and writhing, still so much like a disgusting worm, that that spark burst into flames.
Pennywise felt that wildfire starting inside the child just as he'd felt the boy's birth, and it was only then that the clown was engulfed in an indignant rage on Eddie's behalf. He felt it from a far distance, peering through storm drains and emergency fixtures like a fuming god when Sonia, for the millionth time, drove herself and her son to Derry General when Eddie had merely sneezed thrice.
At most, Eddie had a mild cold or the beginnings of the flu and could have been just fine if he'd been able to rest at home. No one could convince Eddie's mother of this however, not when she demanded a stay in the hospital just to make damn sure that she and her baby weren't dying. And it had frightened Eddie so much that his screams had forced the nurses' hands.
The staff had given in with minimal fuss, choosing instead to prop the tiny family up in a backside ward for a day and talk about the hysteria of Mrs. Kaspbrak behind her back. The petty gossip fed Pennywise's dark and Machiavellian humor over the situation as he snuck directly into the cramped bathroom in the Kaspbrak room unawares.
The bathtub drain widened until it was fit enough to allow an enormous, human-ish head through it. Pennywise looked above the rim as an alligator stared above the surface of a lake, ensuring that there would be no unplanned accidents to give him less time. Pennywise had more than a feeling that he'd need time where Eddie was concerned.
There was no one. Pennywise made the drain expand until it became an impossibly wide sinkhole of pitch blackness while he emerged, shaking off the slime and grease that had clung to his suit. The original plan that the clown had had in mind was to appear covertly, as another faceless nurse that Eddie could trust (if his mother allowed him even that). Pennywise had paused long after that plan, rumpling the silks still wrapped around his favored form, much like a nervous rat gnawed at a block of wood.
Eddie was, through pure observation, going to be difficult to take. Mikey had longed for protection and hadn't, surprisingly, been given incentive to be mistrustful of helping hands. Pennywise had wondered what it would take for his next intended son to accept the new life awaiting him. What would it take for Eddie to accept Pennywise himself, if IT chose to hide that preferred guise away like some embarrassing picture from long ago?
He'd paused. Genuinely paused, then discarded the original idea and shook out his arms and legs until the jingling of Pennywise's bells settled the alien into a renewed state of peace.
Stepping out of the tub, and shaking out his limbs this time however, Pennywise condemned those infernal baubles for being such tells. He growled away the annoyance, knowing that this emotion bubbling from deep within was a nervousness that the creature wasn't used to. Pennywise swallowed back a bucket of drool and poised himself like nothing in the world could touch him before slipping through the thinnest crack between the bathroom door and the shared Kaspbrak room.
The room was overflowing in white light from the television set beaming down on the pair, but Pennywise had discarded luck with his plans and had chosen to invade the 'safe' ward when he knew that Sonia would be sleeping. The clown might've trusted luck and assumed that Eddie would be asleep as well, but he knew better. As expected, the boy was glued to the TV, fingers in his mouth when they shouldn't be once his mommy was finally snoring in her own bed. Eddie's pale skin was riddled with goosebumps in the sanitary, conditioned room, making Pennywise 'tsk' at how little warmth the child had been given.
The complete lack of a quiet front on Pennywise's part drew the little boy's attention away the TV, and with it came a tinny gasp as well as the visible rolling of his flesh over his knobby arms.
The boy and the clown stared at each other, all while Pennywise felt the hung-drawn panic slicing the boy's mind into ribbons. He'd never seen a clown before, but this person hardly looked like a person to begin with, being so chalky-white and red and boring yellow, yellow eyes into Eddie's person like hot pokers into steel.
Whoever this stranger was, Eddie didn't know, but he knew that this was no friendly nurse nor doctor – none of the people that the boy had made coould've possibly been tall enough, gigantic enough to fill up the whole room while just standing there.
"Mama!" Eddie yelped, predictably crying the instant he could move. "Mama! Mama!"
The tiny boy, too small for his age, hiccupped through his tears when the panic stopped just long enough to give him the motivation to save himself. Unfortunately for Eddie, that amounted to, more or less, the option of hiding beneath the blanket or taking the risk of physically going to wake his mother up in her bed.
He chose the former; rushing to bury himself from head to toe in hospital-issued blankets.
"P…ea…s…" He mumbled in his limited vocabulary, beneath the covers. "Pl…ea."
"ShHhHhhHh." Pennywise whispered, claws already wrapped around the threadbare blanket. Eddie tensed at the enclosing fingers over his arms from outside the useless safety ward, and Pennywise chuckled. "SiLlY, swE-EEt bOy."
Eddie whimpered loudly, but not so loudly as to wake his mother. He couldn't.
Pennywise ignored the terror, seeking a better prize while he slid the covers from over the boy's head and cause him to freeze like a deer in headlights. Pennywise, instead of snatching the frightened child up while he had the chance, took to calmly folding the blanket around Eddie's tiny frame. He remained stunned in a cloth-cocoon of the clown's making, and looked absolutely adorable in said straightjacket-like bedding.
Pennywise sighed at the moons for eyes that shown against Eddie's pale, drawn face. He nodded off-handedly as he slowly helped the boy scoot along the bed, and get closer and closer to Pennywise while he did.
"ShHh – ShUsH, SHusH, ShuSh." Pennywise soothed, already running his nails through the boy's dark hair, careful not to harm him the process. "THe oTher N IgH t, deAr, whiLe I LAy S s Le EPINg…"
The shaking body beneath his calm, reverent caresses was losing its energy. Eddie had already used up a day's worth of energy before the clown had even arrived, all for the sake of his mother. And the thought made Pennywise, during his pacification, level a truly vindictive glare at the unconscious body of Sonia Kaspbrak.
"I drEAmeD I H eLd Yo U iN my ArMs / WheN I AWOkE, DeAr I w As MisTAK eN /…"
Sonia did not get up when Eddie was lulled into a dreamless sleep, or when he was hefted from the lonely bed of isolation that she'd besot him with and cradled in the arms of a monster. Pennywise spared a moment to marvel at the round little being in his arms before he bared his teeth in an outrageously cruel and smug grin. Another little baby, all for him… It was so easy, and all that the alien regretted as he stowed away as quickly as he'd come, was that he wouldn't be there to see the mother scream over her loss.
"… / AnD I HUnG My head and I cried…"
More. More. More.
There couldn't have been a more perfect child to experience the light.
As the girl waited in the soft twilight with one of her daycare workers, a short and stout teen girl already anxious for having to wait after hours, Beverly searched for anything more interesting to settle the uncomfortable beating of her heart.
Beverly Marsh was a smart kid – keen and apt in the quiet way. Her smiles, even when she was tiny, were always quirked and knowing no matter who she gave them to. And no one would've disagreed with the ideal that she, unlike most, was an old soul trapped in a fledgling body, with brilliant copper hair that blazed in the waning sun.
Like an old soul, she knew routines were hard to bend, let alone break. She was on her toes, literally and metaphorically, as she felt the approach of her father in his beat-old car headed up the hill to them. He was late often and rarely if ever on time to come get her, and while Sunny Hill Daycare was never pleased to be kept waiting, especially given the curfew set on the town, Beverly was. Just a few more moments without having to suffer the presence of Alvin Marsh, up close and in-person, were crumbs of blessings.
The redhead picked at the scabs circling down to her elbow. A near dotted line of flea bites from early that morning had bothered her all day. She watched that beaten card coming up like Al Marsh was driving on the highway with nothing to lose (it made him seem sincere when he came up to each teen girl, all apologetic and frowning deeply). And Beverly wondered how much her current volunteer, Kate, hated having to comb out the fleas and flea eggs that had buried beneath her waves of hair.
The Marsh apartment was small, and had never been too clean to begin with.
The door opened with a little trouble, but her daddy didn't even bother getting all the way out. He opened his arms to intercept her, throwing out a wounded tone and an animated apology, and Kate accepted it with a blush and a smile.
Al's vision locked on the small body toddling toward him. Beverly never blinked, wispy red hair hanging just below her narrow shoulders in the cold wind, while she dutifully walked up to her father. The town curfew wasn't much of the savior it was meant to be, not for Beverly Marsh. Her father had come to get her too soon, and seemingly always would.
There couldn't have been a more perfect child to catch the monster of Derry's eye
Beverly instantly kicked off her shoes in a hurry at the door, then sprinted away from her father and into the bathroom. She'd called out in a garble that she needed to use the potty, but in reality, Beverly knew that the bathroom door had a good lock. Beverly's father wouldn't go so far as to kick the door down to get to her, Beverly knew that innately even when she couldn't properly verbalize it (not that she would – Daddy had told her that telling people would get her taken away, and that was way worse).
And, also.
"Welcome home, Beverly!"
Beverly twirled in her spot after shutting the door behind her, and looked up at the faultily-wired overhead light. It was blocked by a bulbous head framed with orange-red hair that was the very same shade as her own. The clown smiled goofily and straightened, shoulders back and chest out in an army recruit's stance. His eyes were blazing in her direction.
"I've got an idea!" Said the clown, all but shouting in the tiny bathroom. "Do you want to hear it, Beverly?"
It was the cadence and volume of his voice that made the little girl fidget, and not necessarily because of the near manic change in personality of this beyond-tall figure next to her. She clapped her freckled hands over her ears dramatically and shook her head at him.
"Shh!" Beverly begged. "Daddy's gonna hear!"
The clown-man's brows turned down into a deep v at the mention of Beverly's father, but then his smile curled deviously. "What if we want him to hear us?"
The girl shook her head again. "No! That's bad, 'member?"
Her friend pouted, heedless. "But my idea! Do'ya wanna hear it? Do you, Beverly?"
Beverly's shoulders slumped. She liked it, having a friend to pop out of thin air (sometimes literally) and visit her after going so long without being able to make friends, but the clown could be such a handful. He could be downright unnerving too, when he reached out to her and pulled back lightening quick. The girl feared she might never get used to his presence, not after the first shock of meeting him, when he stood tall and proud and unreal in her bathroom just like tonight.
"It's a good idea. The best idea!" He clapped softly. His painted smile stretched unnaturally wide, until it reached his ears. "Today is the day…"
"Today…?" Beverly whispered.
Pennywise nodded hurried, leaning in to whisper back. "Today we're gonna get rid of 'Daddy'."
Blood was rancid and it reeked, stinking up the whole house. It'd been Beverly's idea afterward, to stuff every sinkhole with cloth and toilet paper until the water pouring from every faucet in the apartment tipped over and began flooding the place. She'd grinned beautifully when Pennywise praised her, and they'd retreated to the solace of the bathroom. Safe, comfortable, a little messy and dribbling with blood and gore, but Beverly had never felt so special. Her friend had told her as much – only the very special could follow through with his brilliant ideas.
She reveled in the flood of water over her knees before the floor became too slippery, so much so that it only took one or two steps before Beverly found it alarming. There was blood that would never wash out of her dress still rot against her and making her uncomfortable as well, and Beverly deemed the water useless in helping her fix that problem rather shortly.
She froze in place before falling on her back, shaking in her determination to remain upright, when she felt warm, solid hands lift her up by her underarms and pull her into the air. Bevvie squeaked in surprise before automatically clinging to the clown who'd lifted her, and she watched his colorful face in silence as she was nestled comfortably in his arms. The two regarded each other face to face; icy blue to caramel yellow joining to create some kinetic field to surround them, to bend the water that rushed from every faucet in the dingy bathroom to their will.
It nearly took Beverly's breath away, how she could physically feel the motion and energy beneath her skin with the help of this… person. A grin split his face in half, toothy and crinkling, laughing eyes that considered her like she was the most wonderful and gifted being to grace this Earth. Beverly was still afflicted by the confusion that had struck earlier, carving into her heart like lightening forever scarring the trunk of a tree.
She was too young to have a word for this Being that could embody how he was clearly dangerous, but adoring of her in the way most parents adored their children. Beverly's father was, perhaps, now incapable of giving her that sort of sincere, companionable affection, if he'd ever been capable to begin with.
All Beverly was certain of, in her own simple way, was that she couldn't remember a time when she'd felt loved without any discomfort. There were no edges nor drawn-out expectations that the clown had for her as she enveloped his gaze; nor anything more than lifted weariness and a warm thrum of joy when she eventually hung her head against his chest and exhaled like a tired kitten, ruffling the frills of his costume.
The clown patted her back after a long moment, resting his chin atop her head and those fiery curls. "There, there, pet."
She wasn't even crying, but Beverly let herself be comforted with only minor rigidity.
"ThERe. THerE." Pennywise rocked from side to side slowly, gently, like he and little Beverly were caught up in a waltz. He could sense the decreasing defense of the little girl in his arms, and the smile he'd donned grew wider. The entity never would've guessed that a child's comfort in his presence would be so welcome someday.
"Pennywise will protect you! He will, Beverly. He swears it." He kept her close, even while slowly holding her out to study her freckled face again, solemn in a split second.
Beverly cackled as he bopped her nose and tickled beneath her chin. She was feeling lighter and lighter as she ducked away, as the rushing water far below her became harder to hear, so light she could float away. And then… she wasn't even crying, or hadn't thought she was. Beverly was suddenly assaulted by a lump in her throat. Her eyes were stinging and leaking slowly, so agonizingly slowly.
"But, nobody ever does." Her small voice overpowered the rest of the world. She tipped her head to one side, tipped into Pennywise's waiting hand. "They say they will, but they don't… Pennywise…"
Her eyelids drooped as sadness draped over her muscles like dampened cloth, overtaking the original numb acceptance from before. She let the clown's – Pennywise's – name hang in the air, not quite sure what to put after it. Pennywise simply stroked her hair away from her face and rumbled from deep within as he drew her into his chest again and hid the frown the marred his vsage. His frown was even worse than his smile, so full of spite and teeth and hate.
"I know. Those LiARs-s-s." The creature hissed above her ear. "They can't help you – the CoWArDs that ThEy ARe… But I'm NoT tHem."
Breath sizzled out of him like steam from an engine, burning and fizzling from his throat as he spat out a slew of hatred.
"I'm-M-M BETTER THAN THEM!" He wheezed. The anger was falling back as the girl nuzzled closer into the crook of his neck, though if it were out of fear or because she liked the words falling from his lips, Pennywise didn't know. He assumed them both and tampered the fog of fury that had built in his gullet.
"You and I are BeTTEr, BevER Ly…" He held her dearly. "NO more ugly, unhappy things will hurt you from now on. Not while PENnywISE is here.
"I prOMise."
A/N: Thank you to all the readers and reviewers! I haven't given up on Commit to the Bit, btw, but I want to finish this at the moment.