A/N: Many thanks again to piccolina789 for being my Beta. And many thanks for the lovely reviews. They are very much appreciated.
Sara was on the sofa with her long legs drawn up and her chin resting on her knees when Grissom entered the apartment.
"Honey, I'm sorry," he said as he approached the sofa and sat down next to her. "I should have handled it better."
It was a few minutes before she turned to face him, her mouth pulled down at the corners. She looked like she'd been crying and he mentally kicked himself.
"I really needed to talk to you… but you walked off with barely a word…"
"I'm not good with stuff like this, but I'm trying Sara," he said quietly, watching her closely. "I needed time to process. But you're right, we do need to talk".
He bit his lip, considering what to say. He rejected his first and second thoughts.
Sara waited, giving him the time he needed to gather his thoughts together. Rushing him wouldn't do any good.
With a sigh, he shook his head. He took a breath, his eyebrows narrowing as he ran with his thoughts.
"I know this is a shock to both of us. I'd never really give much thought to being a father, but now that its happening, the idea is growing on me."
He paused, his tongue licking his dry lips nervously.
"It still scares me," he admitted softly. "I'm not as young as I was…"
Sara sighed and shook her head. A slight smile spread across her face, despite the fears she felt.
"We've been through this," she replied, reaching out and touching Grissom's soft salt and pepper curls. "This has never mattered to me... it's quite attractive, actually."
She knew that despite how long they'd been together, he still feared that one day the age difference between them would matter. She'd assured him that his fears were groundless; she could never imagine herself with anyone else. Granted, she had tried other relationships in the past, but none of them had amounted to much. The plain and simple truth of the matter was that none of them were him.
He grabbed her hand and kissed her palm.
"I'm serious, Sara," he insisted as gently as he could. "The fact still remains, that its quite possible I won't be around to see our child grow up. And the idea of you raising a child on your own both saddens and depresses me."
He sighed heavily, his shoulders sagging slightly. Thoughts spun around his head, faster then he could make sense of them. He swallowed, and shook his head slightly.
"There's something else to consider, too," he said before he again hesitated, not used to expressing his feelings so openly. "My mother wasn't born deaf… she has otosclerosis and lost her hearing when she was eight."
He lifted his head and looked directly at Sara. He blinked slowly. "It's… hereditary. There's a chance that the baby could be born with it, or develop it later in life."
Sara stared at him silently. Grissom had mentioned that his mother was deaf, before she'd met her for the first time, six months into their relationship. Initially, she had been nervous on meeting Betty, naturally worried if she would approve of her relationship with her son.
Grissom had assured her that she had nothing to worry about; his mother would love her just as much as he did. As usual, he'd been right. Within five minutes of meeting, Betty swept Sara into a warm embrace, smiling brightly. Sara had felt overwhelmed by the feeling of acceptance and belonging for the first time in her life.
Since then, Grissom had taught her to sign and the three of them often had dinner together.
"If its hereditary then you…." Sara started, her quick mind figuring it out. "Tom Haviland' s trial…you couldn't hear what Wescott was saying…"
Grissom nodded. "I managed to get by, by lip reading. It was intermittent at first. I thought if I ignored it, it'd go away. Eventually, I couldn't deny it any longer, and I had surgery. It was a gamble. Sometimes it doesn't work. I got lucky."
Sara grasped his hands in hers and gave them a reassuring squeeze. He give her a lop sided smile.
Sara pulled her hands free of Grissom's, and pushed a few stray strands of hair that had fallen loose of her ponytail, behind her ear.
"I'm glad that you trust me enough to tell me this."
She drew her long legs up again, and hugged them to her. She looked down at the floor, rather than face Grissom.
"I don't how I should feel about this either," she said. "The idea of being a mother scares the hell out of me."
She shook her head, feeling tears building in her eyes again. She bit down on her lip, hoping the pain would stop the tears from falling.
"You were lucky," she stated quietly, conjuring up a memory of Grissom and his mother together and how close they were. A loving bond between mother and child, just as it should be. She would never admit it to him, but for a brief moment, she had envied him.
Her chin trembled, losing the battle to stay strong, and not let her emotions overpower her. Her brown eyes looked like melted chocolate as the tears pooled in her eyes, but didn't fall.
"You didn't grow up, fearing when the yelling would start again. Or the next argument... walking on eggshells just to keep the peace for as long as you could."
The tears started to fall and Sara's voice caught as she continued.
"Screwing your eyes shut and covering your ears while you hid under the bed, so you couldn't hear the screams…. the endless trips to the hospital…."
Finally the dam broke, and Sara's body shook with the strength of her sobs. Holding back had taken too much energy and she was spent. Grissom grasped her hand tightly in his own, his heart breaking just as it had on the night she'd told him her mother had killed her father.
Just as then, she looked lost and vulnerable. He hadn't been able to do much more than hold her hand, just letting her know that he was there for her. It hadn't been because he didn't want to – he cared for her - but at that point in their relationship, he could only comfort her as a friend.
Now that their relationship was much more intimate, he didn't hesitate on what to do. He gathered into his arms without a second thought.
"Honey…" he whispered, his own voice holding a quiver. "We've not had the most traditional of upbringings. But you've learned from your mother's mistakes, and we've both come a long way since our childhoods."
He released her as her heart wrenching sobs eased, drawing back to plant a kiss on her forehead, and wipe her tears away with his thumb, gently caressing her cheek.
"I love you," he whispered, after a brief hesitation, looking at her intently. "I know the baby wasn't something we planned and we're not exactly society's idea of a conventional family. But together, we can make this work."
A memory of Grissom convincing a little boy to allow him to take evidence from him suddenly flashed in Sara's mind. The boy wouldn't let anyone near him, except Grissom.
With a patience she didn't possess, Grissom had chatted away to the boy – Deacon Preston – for over half an hour, before finally Deacon allowed him to take the swabs and scrapings.
The thought that he would be a good father swiftly crossed her mind.
It was quickly followed by the thought that despite the risk of inheriting otosclerosis, their son or daughter wouldn't be any less loved. It wasn't ideal, but better that than what she'd experienced as a child.
That thought and Grissom's words calmed her slightly and with a small smile, she nodded her head.
Grissom's eyes danced as he drew her into his embrace again, his mouth capturing hers as he kissed her fervently.
He didn't think it could be possible that he could love her any more than he did. But what she'd given him this day, managed it with little effort.
Not only had she given him a second chance at life, now he was going to be a father.