Omen

The world was stifling and hot.

Juushirou struggled to draw breath into his lungs, fighting to see his way out of the dark shroud that seemed to engulf each of his senses in its cloying, suffocating grip. From somewhere far, far away in the distance he was dimly aware of sounds, but none of them meant anything to him in his fevered delirium and though he somehow knew they meant he wasn't alone, he could not see or sense anyone else deep within this black world that had imprisoned him.

Like being inside a Hollow's core.

The thought flickered into his mind unbidden, as the ghostly shadow of a twisted, howling beast became etched ghoulishly against the charcoal backdrop of his consciousness. He opened his mouth as if to speak, yet as he did so something blazed through him, and he coughed and wretched, suddenly choking on hot ash and scalding blood as he felt as though his entire insides were burning away into nothing more than dust.

And then, with his next breath, it began all over again.

He did not know how long he had been in this world of blackness. It seemed like he had always lived his life here, with anything else a distant, unreachable dream or worse, a mirage formed by his desperation to escape. There had been people, once, who had reached out to him, but now he could not envisage their faces or their names, and the harder he tried the stronger the pain that stabbed through his core. Something was missing, ripped away from him like a Hollow's heart being wrenched from its twisting, writhing body, and though he feared the place he was, something made him fear the one beyond even more.

He feared seeing what, somewhere deep down inside of him he already knew.

And so he struggled half-heartedly against the darkness, trapped in a limbo between life and death.

Then, from somewhere in that blackness, he felt something brush against him, light and insignificant as a feather yet gentle and soothing as it brought faint flickers of light to his ragged senses. Like a newborn child seeking his mother's comfort, Juushirou reached out towards it, searching for its gentle, reassuring aura as it threatened to disappear completely from his mind. Hot and parched though he was, the closer he drew his wits to this unknown intrusion, the more he began to feel that air could enter his lungs, after all – and that he had not been cut adrift in hell to burn into eternity.

For the briefest of moments, he thought he saw a face – the face of a stranger, ghostly pale yet tangible within his thoughts. She reached out a spectral hand towards him, brushing it gently against his cheek as she offered him a gentle, reassuring smile. The next instant she was gone, the touch nothing more than an already fading memory, yet now the sounds that encircled him had begun to link together into words, and more, into sentences, and as his sluggish brain pieced them together into coherence, he realised that there was another world separate from the prison inside his head.

"I think he's finally resting."

That was a man's voice, and Juushirou knew he had heard it before, yet he could not place it in his mind. He tried to open his eyes, but his body would not cooperate, preoccupied with the agonising battle of dragging air in and out of his lungs, and at length he gave up, giving all his strength to maintaining the ragged yet steady necessity of breathing.

"The fever has been violent, after all – it'd be best if he slept now until his body was ready for him to wake."

"But he will…he will recover?" A woman this time, and from the anxiety in her tones, Juushirou knew that this was his stepmother speaking. They were speaking about him, he realised, yet somehow he felt there was someone else he needed to ask about – someone else whose condition had been worse than his.

"At this point, I don't know." The man admitted. "It's one step at a time. I've never seen Juushirou-sama's symptoms flare in this manner before – we're on new ground and I don't know where it's going to lead us."

A pause, then,

"Hidenobu will not forgive me in this life or the next, if Juushirou dies." The woman murmured. "Whatever can be done, it must be."

Something cool touched Juushirou's burning hot fingers, then,

"Not only for Hidenobu's sake." She added, in pained tones. "This boy is as dear to me as though he were my son, Fajino-sensei. To lose him…to lose him too…"

Her voice shook, and she faltered, clearly unable to put her feelings into words, and the man – the family's physician, Juushirou realised – let out a sigh.

"Kaede-sama, you should get some rest too." He murmured. "You've done nothing but nurse the Lord and this boy since the incident – your own health will fail at this rate."

"I'm all right." There was a faint note of obstinacy in Kaede's tones. "So long as Juushirou can recover, I won't let him be alone. I won't let him feel it's his fault – I don't blame him. No one must. I won't let him feel that way."

"I would advise against talking to Juushirou-sama about his father's death until he's more stable and aware." The words burned through Juushirou's stifled consciousness as though made of molten lead, and had he been able to scream out in pain, his cry would have echoed through the whole of the Ukitake manor. The agony of his physical condition paled in comparison to the sudden, emotional knife that had pierced through the core of his very being, as piece by piece he began to remember the thing he had so wanted to forget.

He had been attacked by a Hollow.

His father had come.

And now his father was dead.

"He's coming through the worst of the attack now, and it would be better to tackle it when he's coherent enough to understand."

Oblivious to how much internal suffering his patient was undergoing, the doctor continued his assessment, the calmness in his tones somehow twice as cruel to Juushirou's grief-stricken ears.

"I can't imagine how to tell him." Kaede whispered. "Juushirou loves his father more than anyone. They have a special bond, sensei, a bond that I don't share. Because Juushirou was Raiko's son – because Juushirou was born with the family curse…Hidenobu has always been especially attentive to his eldest and with good reason."

Something brushed Juushirou's sweat damped hair out of his eyes.

"Hollows always bring bad omens." She added sadly. "The night Hidenobu left me was the same night Juushirou's hair turned white. I really thought at that point we would lose both of them, sensei. I'm grateful for your hard work – even if it's slow, I can't bear to lose Juushirou too."

She let out a faint, half-hysterical laugh which jarred against Juushirou's raw senses.

"And to think, when I married into the Ukitake-ke, I was so afraid of meeting a sickly child." She murmured shakily. "That I wouldn't know what to do – or that I'd be repelled by his frailty and want to turn him away. Do you know, sensei, the first time I met him, he held his hands out to me and smiled. He wanted, even then, to welcome me – even though I'd thought such cowardly things and had such groundless fears. I knew then why Hidenobu loved him so much – even though having him had meant not having Raiko any longer. He never stopped loving Raiko, after all. She was his first and his real true love...though I know he came to love me, our marriage was born of pragmatical benefits more than long term affection. He never forgot about her, not once. And he never stopped loving Juushirou."

"Juushirou-sama's inner strength is what can save him now." Fajino said softly. "It's up to him, Kaede-sama. I can't predict what will happen from here. His body suffered great strain during the Hollow's attack. His lungs are rubbed raw and the resultant scarring is far worse than it has been before. His body's meagre reserves of strength have been exhausted and his whole self has been wrenched and ripped through by some horrendously strong spiritual energy. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. He is no longer so delirious as he was. He's resting more peacefully now. It may take a good deal of time, but I believe he will live. I believe he has that strength."

"Thank you for all your hard work." Kaede murmured, and Juushirou knew that the doctor was about to take his leave. "I'll sit with him a while longer. Even if he's asleep, somewhere he might be able to sense I'm there. He's remarkably sharp, after all, and I'd rather he wasn't alone, even if he has no idea of anything yet."

"As you wish." Fajino responded. "But please, Kaede-sama, remember your own health too. You have many grieving and worried children other than Juushirou-sama to consider, after all."

"Yes, sensei. I won't forget."

There was the sound of footsteps, then the door sliding back and shut as the physician left the chamber, and Juushirou heard his stepmother sigh.

"Much as I want to see you meet my gaze, I'm afraid of it, too." She murmured, and Juushirou felt a gentle hand caress his brow, somehow soothing the edges of his grief as he registered the genuine love in his companion's touch. "I'm not enough, I know - I can't hope to replace someone who meant as much to you as your Father did. I wouldn't even know how to begin. But I do love you - we all love you. And we want you to recover and come back to us. It won't ever be quite the same, I know. It will take time to adjust, and I know your body took a battering. But however long it takes, I won't give up on you. So long as you need me, Juushirou, I'll be here. Even if I'm not enough, I'll be here. You needn't feel alone or abandoned after all."

There was a pause, and Juushirou thought he felt the gentle, warm wetness of her tears against his skin as she bent over the bed, kissing him lightly on the brow.

"Would that you were my son." She whispered. "Maybe then, things would have been different. And maybe then I'd know how to tell you...that the person you most admired in the world is gone. Somehow we all have to go on without him, Juushirou. And somehow, as a family, we will. All of us. No matter how long it takes. Somehow, starting from here and now."

Author's Note

If it's not obvious by now what paths I'm following, Juu is the 'so called Cursed Child' and Shunsui is the 'so called Blessed Child'.

Yet Ukitake is the loved child and Shunsui is the neglected child. So even in Juu's darkest times, he's not alone. And even in Shunsui's happiest times, he is.

Meh. I spent too long on a freezing station this morning. I'm rambling. Just ignore me, okay?