Wisdom of Pisces

Autumn looked like coming early this year.

Juushirou leant up against the wood frame of the window, listlessly gazing out across the landscape towards the forest that marked the edge of his family's land. Even from this distance, he could see that the leaves were beginning to turn, a scattering of gold and brown already patched amidst the vivid, vibrant green of the tree tops.

He frowned, pushing the drape across so that the forest was no longer clearly in view. Though the sight was beautiful, for Juushirou it was simply painful – a harsh reminder of his father's passing. Bitter resentment curled in his young heart as he contemplated yet again the unfairness of it all. The forest still lived, after all. Birds still nested in the trees and plants still grew and thrived in the soft soil. Yet his father – his strong, brave father – he would never walk there again.

And it had all been because, in the end, Juushirou was weak.

He sighed, getting wearily to his feet and padding the few steps across the chamber towards his bed. Eighteen months had passed now since the day his father had died, and since that time, Juushirou had barely left the confines of the family home. Where once he had been so full of life and determination, now he passed the days as nothing more than an invalid – a pale shadow of the man he had once looked like becoming. Without his father's guidance and belief, Juushirou felt empty – that after all, he was tainted by the family's inescapable curse. As if to prove it right, his symptoms had flared all the more since that awful day - trapping him in a cycle of fever and debility until he had given up looking for the way out. All it had led him to believe was that, in the end, his mother had been wrong to preserve his life.

His mother and his father both, if he was brutally honest about it.

He flopped back on his bed, gazing sightlessly up at the slatted ceiling over his head as he did so. The panels were old now, cracked and a haven for spiders and dust, yet even though the neglected chamber often made his breathing worse, he had refused to let anyone do anything to fix it. Since the day he had learned of his father's death, a bitter resolve had formed inside of him.

He was the cursed one. The unlucky one. The one whose existence had meant the loss of both of his parents.

Such a child did not deserve help from anyone. Such a child did not deserve sympathy.

Such a child did not deserve to live.

He closed his eyes, a dull ache beginning behind his temples as a sense of helplessness washed over him. His chest ached from a night of coughing up blood, and he knew even without Anika or his step-mother telling him that the fever that had plagued him on and off for several months would soon be hitting its peak yet again. If he was honest with himself, he had long since stopped caring what kind of health the day found him in. He had seen, after all, the sapling in the forest as it had been crushed before his eyes. Not all saplings made it to becoming trees. And in the end, Juushirou's father had been wrong.

Juushirou was not a tree at all. Juushirou was nothing more than a parasitic, invasive weed.

And if the curse killed him, in the end, it didn't matter.

"Juu-niisama?"

A voice from the door made him open his eyes, his gaze flitting to the intruder with a mixture of languid resignation and irritation at the interruption. He made no attempt to either sit up or speak, and at his lack of response, the visitor sighed, slipping into the room and closing the door behind her.

"Juu-niisama, aren't you at least going to say 'good morning' to me today?"

Juushirou's eyes darkened, and he merely turned his head away, gazing back up at the ceiling as he willed her to go away.

Chihiro was the next in line to him, the older twin sister of his wild-natured brother Hiroyuki whose games he had so wanted to join when they had been small children. At just past fourteen, Chihiro was a half foot smaller than her brothers, yet with all the steely resoluteness of the eldest daughter of the house, and in the past few weeks, she had taken to invading her older brother's chamber each morning, as if taking it upon herself to bring him forcibly from his confinement.

Juushirou was not interested in Chihiro's attempts to play family, however. In fact, of all of the children, it was Chihiro he dreaded seeing most of all, for his father's handsome features were most clearly reflected in the young girl's face.

She was a constant reminder of what he had done, and he hated it more than anything.

At his silence, Chihiro sighed again, but did not go, instead approaching the bed and setting something down on the unit beside him.

"I brought you breakfast." She said softly. "It's still hot, and Anika's flavoured it to make it sweet and easy for you to swallow with your throat so raw."

"I'm not hungry."

That was a lie, he knew it as well as she did, for despite his frail body Juushirou had always commanded a healthy appetite. Even when he had been riven by the worst of his fevers as a small child, he had always managed to put away more food than most of his younger siblings ever had, and though his skinny body belied his appetite, he had always been the first to the table when it came to family meals. It had been a joke many times in the past, he remembered, a painful sense of nostalgia touching his senses at the recollection, and relatives had often commented on how he was able to consume so much and yet still remain barely more than skin and bone.

Still, even though the same hunger gnawed away inside of him today as it had then, Juushirou did not want to eat. He did not want to fuel his body to do anything it didn't need to do – because in the end it had been because he had taken his own initiative and gone into the forest alone that his father had died.

"Juu-nii, how long are you going to keep this up for?"

Chihiro sat down on the edge of his bed, arranging her skirts more comfortably over her knees as she cast him a questioning glance. "Day after day it's the same thing, you know – you won't let Kamikura-sensei come instruct you, or join us when it comes to meals or any other family occasion. You shut yourself away in here, playing the part of the invalid…"

"I'm not playing any part." Juushirou cut across her, coldness in his tones as he met her gaze with blank hazel eyes. "You can try and pretend all you like, Chihiro…but there's no escaping it. I'm a cursed child of the Ukitake clan. I caused Mother's death and I caused Father's death, too. It's even in my name – the child who's touched by death. Do you think I fake it, when I cough up blood all night or run temperatures high enough to heat the whole chamber? It's not an act. It's the way my body is. Even if you don't like it, you're old enough to understand."

"Don't patronise me." Chihiro said sharply, her hazel green eyes narrowing as she glared at her brother indignantly. "I'm not stupid. I know that you're sick, Niisama. Noone's denying that. But you never used to shut yourself away like this. You always used to embrace life to the fullest you could – do you think Father would like this, seeing you hide yourself away like this instead of taking on what he wanted you to do – to be head of our Clan into the future?"

Her words stabbed through Juushirou's heart like a knife, and slowly he shook his head, reaching up his thin fingers to touch the hair that fell loose and lank against his shoulders.

"That was then. This is now." He murmured, a faint hoarseness in his words as he fought to contain his emotions. "When Father died, Chihiro, everything changed. I changed. This curse surged inside of me then – you know that. I never had an attack like that before…an attack so violent three days of fever turned my hair from black to white. In the end, no matter what he said, Father was wrong. There's a reason why children born with this curse are meant to die at birth. The reason is that to see them live causes those around them too much suffering."

His eyes narrowed, as he released his grip on his hair.

"This just marks it out so everyone can see it." He added. "The white plague. Tuberculosis. The curse of the Ukitake-ke."

Chihiro looked pained.

"The only thing that marks you out from anyone is you being this pathetic." She said at length. "And I'm fed up with hearing you sound like you've completely given up on life."

"It's better this way." Juushirou turned his head away from her.

"How is it?" Chihiro demanded, putting her hands on her hips.

"Because this way I can't hurt anyone. If I don't leave this room, I can't put anyone in danger."

"How can you say that?" Chihiro reacted to this, grabbing him by the shoulders and forcibly pulling him upright, meeting his gaze with a black one of her own. "How can you say something so stupid and selfish, Niisama?! Of all people, I never imagined you could be like this. Of all of our family, Father always said you were the strong one. You were the one who was going to take care of us in the future, no matter what. He always said that. And now look at you! What have you become, Juu-nii? Do you think he'd be proud of you, if he saw you malingering like this?"

"How dare you think you understand what I feel!" Juushirou gathered his wits, shaking her off indignantly as anger rose inside of him. "You don't understand – you can't begin to understand – so don't even try! Leave me alone, Chihiro. I don't need your lectures or your company, and I don't need you!"

As the harsh words left his lips, he half-wished he could recall them, for the girl stumbled away from him, face draining of colour as she reached out a hand to steady herself against the bed. For a moment there was silence, as she gazed at him in alarm and dismay. Then she drew a shaky breath into her lungs, putting her fingers to her chest as she struggled to calm down.

"Even now you're strong, Niisama." She whispered. "Even just lying there, being stubborn like you are. I can feel it, you know, when you unleash that force at me. Even if you don't mean to do it, Juu-nii, I can't help but feel it. It's there in your anger, bubbling just below the surface. The strength Father said was inside of you – even now it's still there."

Juushirou stared at her, stricken for a moment as he registered the sudden surge in his own aura which had pushed his younger sister forcibly away from his side.

"I didn't mean to…" He said thickly, and Chihiro sighed, sinking down onto the floor.

"I know." She murmured. "And I'm not really angry at you. I'm sad, that's all. We're all sad. You're our brother, and the only one hurting so much is you. Father wouldn't want this – he'd want you to stand up and accept the things he left you to face. He didn't die because of you. That's stupid. Noone thinks that at all. So you shouldn't punish yourself like this, Juu-nii. It's not fair. You don't deserve it – none of us do."

Juushirou pulled his robe more tightly around his body as a shiver wracked through his thin frame.

"I'm sorry, Chihiro." He said softly. "Please, leave me alone. I don't want to hurt you – and when my fever is high it's more difficult for me to suppress it. I was coughing a lot last night, after all – it's safer if you don't come near me."

"Do you think any of us are just going to let you rot here by yourself?" Chihiro demanded, getting to her feet.

"I've told you. It's better if you don't come." Juushirou murmured, his pitch dropping as he felt the all-too familiar stifling pain begin to twitch through his battered lungs afresh. "It hurts me and it hurts you, and it can't bring Father back."

Chihiro sighed, glancing at the porridge which lay untouched on the bedside unit.

"Try to eat a little, and soothe your throat." She said softly. "Get some rest, Juu-nii. I'll come again tomorrow, after all."

With that she was gone, and Juushirou fell back against the pillows that supported him during the worst of his attacks, closing his eyes as he fought against his swirling emotions. If he let them win, he knew, he would simply spasm and cough, choking up blood from already raw and damaged lungs just as he had done the night before. Yet his head ached and span from the rising fever, and he berated himself bitterly for letting Chihiro come so close to being hurt.

The strength his father had talked about was now more of a curse than a blessing, he mused darkly, for when it surged free from his control it ravaged his system without mercy, causing him to choke and gasp in such a way that even he, through all the burning pain, had begun to fear his own death. Ever since the day when he had faced his first Hollow, it had grown steadily stronger, as though that fateful encounter had stirred a dormant instinct within him. Yet the more he tried to suppress it, the more tired and fevered he became, as though fighting a war with something that he could not win.

It was better, in the end, that they left him alone. A power with enough malignant force to bleach the colour from his hair was enough to do serious harm to those around him, after all. No matter how much they loved him – he was still the cursed child. And cursed children were not meant to survive.

He sank into a feverish doze, allowing the grip of sleep to wash over him as he submitted his mind to the lure of oblivion. Sleep was the only time that he found respite, yet so often the condition which had held him cruelly in its grip was an unforgiving mistress, disturbing his rest with midnight tremors and spasms violent enough that, had his vocal chords not been semi-paralysed by their force, he would have found it difficult to suppress screams of pain.

Still, now at last, after a restless night of such attacks, his body relented, and slowly he sank deeper and deeper into rest, the world becoming blurry and hazy as he released his grasp on reality.

As he drifted away into darkness, he was sure he could hear a faint swish-swish somewhere in the background, soft and yet unmistakeable to his young ears. To begin with it was simply a distraction on the periphery of his consciousness but, as sleep took a tighter hold on his fatigued body, the noise began to grow in volume, intensifying until it surrounded all of his senses. With a jolt he realised that it was the distinctive roar of the ocean, waves lapping against the white-stone cliffs as though guided there by the swell of a sudden gust of wind.

Somehow, even the chimera of the sea served to soothe Juushirou's battered heart just a bit, and he urged his consciousness closer towards it, allowing the gentle, even rhythm of the water to brush away the rawness of his emotions.

Even though he had not walked down to the coast for more than a year, he felt that it was calling to him, and in his dream-state he answered that call, drawing closer and closer to the water's edge until he could see the scene clearly in his mind's eye.

Yet even though the bay was the same as always, something was different.

He paused at the water's edge, bending to run his fingers nostalgically through the salt-tinged liquid. It was cool and refreshing, just as it had always been on the summer days when he, his siblings and his stepmother had braved the sun and headed down to the coast for an afternoon of fun and games. Then, he knew, he had been forbidden from going too far in, yet this time it was as though some invisible force was reaching out towards him, trying to guide him deeper and deeper into the water.

And even with his father's concerns ringing in his ears, Juushirou gave in to temptation and followed the water's lure.

Though it had been cold a moment before, as he stepped deeper and deeper in amongst the waves, he thought he felt a warmth spread through every part of his body, touching even the very tips of his fingers and toes as it engulfed him in its reassuring grasp. Now, he realised, the sound of the waves was not a hiss at all, but a soft, whispering voice, calling him by name as it enticed him to dip below the water's surface and enter into the world below.

This time he hesitated, yet the call became more and more insistent, and finally he could withstand the sensation no longer. With a sigh, he gave in to the sea, sinking below the surface as water rushed up to meet him from every angle.

For the first instant, liquid seemed set on choking him, filling his nose and mouth and trickling deep into his ears in a way that not even Anika's thorough bathing attempts when he had been a baby had managed to achieve. Yet, even as his fear washed through him, he felt something reach out and grasp his hand, and heard the soft sound of a woman's voice somewhere close to his left side.

"Don't fight it, Juushirou. It's not your enemy. The less you fight, the less it will hurt you. Stop fighting and let it in."

He had never heard the voice before, yet somehow he knew it was imprinted on his soul, and something in its tone reassured him, making him believe he was not here alone. Obediently he ceased to struggle, allowing his body to go limp as he drifted deeper and deeper beneath the waves. Yet even though there was no air, he found that the woman's words had been true. If he did not fight, it did not hurt him. If he did not struggle against the water, it did not try to fight back.

"There, you see? I told you, didn't I?" The voice was back again, and Juushirou turned his head, his words dying on his lips as he registered the speaker's physical form.

It was neither a man, nor a woman, but the sleek ebony form of a fish, jet black scales glittering in the mottled sunlight that even here reached down below the waves.

At his astonishment, the fish swam closer, meeting his dumbfounded gaze with pearl white eyes.

"You aren't sure what to make of me, are you, Juushirou-kun? I've surprised you, haven't I?"

"You…you're a fish." At length Juushirou found his voice. "I don't understand. What is this? Am I dreaming? Where is this place? Why is there a fish talking to me? What…"

"You ask a lot of questions, and don't wait for the answers, my boy." A male voice cut across his words, and Juushirou swung around to the right, making out the slim shape of another fish, this time in snow white, yet just as beautiful as the one who had spoken to him first. "How do you expect to learn anything, if you tackle things like that?"

Juushirou whitened, staring at the tiny creature in alarm.

"This place is within your soul." The black fish told him. "And you've come here because your heart is out of balance. If you continue this way, your body will not be able to withstand it. That's why we decided it was time to call you here."

"Within my soul…?" Juushirou murmured blankly, and the white fish flicked his tail as if in agreement, staring at Juushirou with intense, jet black eyes.

"Making you understand is more important than anything else, at present." He agreed. "We're not figments of your imagination, but pieces of who you are – of who you might one day be."

"But…but who are you?" Juushirou demanded. "What do you mean, pieces of who I might one day be?"

"Do you really not know the answer to that question?" The white fish scolded him lightly, and as he did so, Juushirou's eyes widened in disbelief, suddenly realising where he had heard the voice before.

"…Otousama?"

"You are a naïve child, aren't you?" Despite his words, there was a faint hint of affection in the white fish's voice. "Your father is dead, Juu-kun. You know that, don't you? He's no longer in this world. He's gone far far beyond the reach of anyone."

"But then how…your voice…why do you sound like him?" Juushirou demanded, anger surging through him as he reached out in vain to grasp the small creature between his fingers. "Why are you taunting me with his voice? Do you just want to make me regret his dying even more?"

"Foolish and naïve, it seems." The white fish swam easily away from his fingers, wheeling around to slap Juushirou across the cheek with the broad side of his long, billowy tail. "Or don't you understand how it is children come into this world, Juushirou?"

"How children come…" Juushirou faltered, raising his hand to his cheek as he gazed at the creature in bewilderment. "I don't…"

"You're teasing him too much." The other fish intervened now, a reproachful, gentle note in her soft tones. "He's never been here before, after all. It's too soon for him to understand those things. It's only because the situation has reached this point – don't be harsh on him. We're not his enemies, after all. We're his friends."

"No offence to either of you, but I don't remember ever making friends with fish." Juushirou gathered his wits. "And I'm understanding less and less by the minute."

"There are a lot of things you don't need to know at the moment. You're not ready to understand everything, after all – not yet." The black fish swam closer to him, brushing his cheek with her fin as she met his gaze with gentle pearl eyes. "For now, just understand that we are two parts of your soul - strengths you inherited from your parents, which one day you might make your own."

"Strengths that I inherited?" Juushirou stared. "You mean…you both are…"

"Just as you are." The white fish agreed. "Part of them and part of you."

He flicked his tail pensively.

"Did your Father never teach you that? That a parent lives on inside a child's heart?"

Juushirou reddened, looking uncomfortable as he remembered the conversation up on the mountain, on the first day he had wielded a Kendou stick for himself.

"Yes." He admitted. "I suppose he did. But I didn't think…"

"And did he not tell you that you had a strength inside of you? A strength that one day would be something you could use to protect the people dear to you?"

"Yes…but he was wrong." Juushirou glanced at his hands. "I'm weak and useless and I couldn't do anything at all when Father was in danger. How can I protect anyone or anything? I'm cursed, after all. I have the family's plague. What use am I to anyone, in this pathetic shell of a body?"

"Well, if you take that attitude, what do you expect?" The white fish said frankly. "If you believe you're that way, then of course you will be. That's common sense, after all – I thought you had more intelligence than that, Juu-kun."

"Stop lecturing me with my Father's voice!" Juushirou snapped. "It doesn't change anything. Whenever the power surges inside of me, I hurt people…and I hurt myself. My lungs bleed, I cough, and my body starts to collapse around me. What kind of strength is that, when I can barely even speak let alone stand in defence of my family!"

"You're speaking now. Shouting, in fact." The white fish was unmoved.

"That's different." Juushirou said bad-temperedly. "I don't know what place this is, but obviously it's not real."

"It's as real as you are." The white fish told him firmly. "How pleasant a place it is depends entirely on you, however – and of late it's become decidedly more chilly and harsh than it ever was before."

"That's enough, You." Before Juushirou could retort once more, the black fish swam between them, consternation in her diamond eyes. "Don't…it's not helping, making him upset like this."

"How else do you expect to make him understand, In?" The white fish demanded. "In this state he's useless. He'll simply curl up and die without a fight. How else can we knock it into him? Mollycoddling is useless. He's not that kind of boy."

"He's a boy who loved his Father and who wanted to love his Mother, too." In said softly. "Even though he never had the chance to speak to her face to face. You know that as well as I do, after all. Who this boy is, beneath all of this self-doubt."

"I know. That's why it's annoying me so much." You admitted, and Juushirou's eyes widened as suddenly things clicked into place.

"You….your name is In?" He asked faintly, pointing at the black fish, who flipped her tail in confirmation of his words.

"And yours is 'You'?" He turned his attention to the other fish, who swam round in a circle, eying him keenly.

"Yes, that's right." He agreed.

"In'you." Juushirou murmured. "The balance…that's what you meant. Isn't it? The two of you…are that balance."

"In represents your mother's love." You said pragmatically. "And I represent your father's fortitude. Between us, we make up part of your soul, Juu-kun. Within each of us is an individual unique strength that belongs to you – but only if you prove yourself worthy of wielding it."

"It's true that your power damages your body at the moment, because you've only suppressed it, you haven't learnt to control or harness it to use it to its full potential." In added. "We shouldn't really speak to you now, not like this, but we don't want you to give up hope. You are strong – your Mother and your Father both knew it, and their hopes are sealed deep inside of us. It's up to you now to learn how to reach those hopes."

"But how?" Juushirou whispered, tears glittering in his hazel eyes. "They died because of me. Both of them, in the end, because of me."

"All parents love their children more than their own lives." You murmured softly, and Juushirou flinched, staring at the white fish in dismay.

"Father said that." He said brokenly. "But even so…"

"Both of your parents loved you." In said gently. "There's no crime in being loved, Juushirou. No reason to feel guilty because that love drove them to do amazing things for your sake. The only crime would be to waste their sacrifice and belief by letting that potential wither and die within you."

"But…"

"If you want to repay that debt, Juu-kun, you have to become stronger." You said frankly. "That's all there is to it. Stop sitting in a corner and bemoaning your ills and start living your life the way you know your Father would have wanted you to. Otherwise you will truly be the cursed one. Unless you learn to control your strength, it will continue to attack you. And the suffering – for you and for your family - will only get worse."

"Just like you struggled against the water when you entered, it struggled against you." In murmured. "And your power is the same way. If you fight against it, it will continue to fight you. And it will remain stronger than you are, if you continue to approach life from this angle."

Juushirou was silent for a moment, gazing down at his fingers as he absorbed everything that the strange, ethereal fish-creatures had said. Then, at length, he glanced up.

"Will you help me?" He asked softly, and surprise flashed across You's ebony eyes.

"Do you truly want us to?" He demanded, and Juushirou nodded.

"I am weak, now." He murmured. "I lost the person I loved the most, after all. I lost his guidance and I lost my way. But I understand…what you say, I understand. It sounds like something my Father would tell me, so I suppose…that's why I want to believe it. That in the end, he didn't die because I failed to do something. That everything since then hasn't been the curse punishing me for letting him down."

"Is that what you believe, Juu-kun?" The white fish eyed him quizzically.

"I didn't know what else to believe." Juushirou said helplessly. "When I faced that Hollow, something surged inside of me - something that ripped right through my body and burned me to my core. I didn't understand what it was, or where it came from, but it crippled me and meant that Father put himself in harm's way to protect me. And I've never been able to forget that."

"What it sparked was your natural instinct, Juushirou. Your instinct to protect those you love." In said gently. "Your native power, struggling to come to your aid. But you weren't ready for it - you didn't know how to handle it and so it hurt you instead. That's all. It wasn't a curse or a punishment. It was simply raw power - power that you couldn't control."

"But even if that's true, something inside of me was responsible for what happened that day." Juushirou said sadly. "And it's not nice knowing that both your parents died because of you."

"But so long as you're alive, they're still here. We're still here." In spoke gently, and for the briefest of instants Juushirou thought he felt his long-dead mother's aura glittering around her tiny, scaled body. "And we won't ever leave you, no matter who else does. We're with you till the end, Juushirou. I promise. No matter what."

"No matter what." Juushirou murmured.

"It's like In said." You agreed. "So stop mooning and wasting time here and start doing things for yourself again. Your body's in such a poor shape that you've a long path ahead of you, if you truly want to get well. But it's in your hands. It's not too late. And when you're ready to see us again – when you're ready to know our other name – we'll speak once more."

"Wait." As the fish and the water began to blur and fade around him, Juushirou held up his hands. "Wait, what do you mean? Your other name? What are you…?"

But before he could finish his sentence, the images were gone, and he was once more back in his bedroom, the softness of the blankets brushing against his skin as he drew a shaky breath into his lungs, opening his eyes.

Had it been a dream, then?

Carefully and gingerly he pulled himself to his feet, wrapping his robe more tightly around his thin frame as he crossed the floor to the window. As his gaze rested on the forest beyond, he frowned, his eyes narrowing as beneath the heavy fabric of the robe, he balled his thin fingers into resolute fists.

Dream or no dream, the fish had been right. Whether it had been a message from his parents, his own inner conscience or the simple delirium of fever, he didn't know and didn't care. Either way, his father's words rang more strongly in his ears now than before, and as he gazed across at the faint blue line that marked the ocean, he was reminded of his sister's remarks, too.

Father wouldn't want this – he'd want you to stand up and accept the things he left you to face. He didn't die because of you. That's stupid. Noone thinks that at all. So you shouldn't punish yourself like this, Juu-nii. It's not fair.

He turned, his gaze falling on the still neglected bowl of porridge that his sister had brought him and a faint, bittersweet smile touched his lips.

She had come, even though he had not welcomed her. And each day she kept coming, even though each day he had refused her efforts and rejected her love.

Well, no more.

Sitting down on the bed, he scooped up the bowl, giving in at last to his nagging hunger. It had cooled, true, yet it was not unpalatable, and resolutely Juushirou scraped the vessel clean, setting the spoon back down. Even though his throat was raw and his chest ached, somehow even the small gesture of accepting his sister's affection had lightened the weight on his heart, and inwardly he berated himself for his blindness.

He had hurt them, after all, by shutting them away. The fish had been right. Real or illusionary, he would not forget their words.

Drawing his robe more firmly around him, he crossed the chamber, pushing open the door and stepping out into the hallway. As he did so, he heard an exclamation of surprise, and he glanced down, seeing his sister curled up beside the door, a book on the floor in front of her.

For a moment he stared at her, then,

"Chihiro, what are you…?"

"I thought you might need me." Chihiro flushed red, gazing at him in embarrassment. "Because you were coughing last night, and I thought you might have another attack. I…I didn't want you to choke, and have noone be there if you did."

"Chi-chan…" Despite himself, Juushirou swallowed hard, guilt flooding his sallow features as he digested her words. He set the bowl down, gently taking her by the hands and pulling her to her feet.

"I wanted to say I was sorry." He said softly. "I thought about it – what you said – and I'm sorry. You're right – Father wouldn't want me to act this way. I'm letting you all down, but I'm letting him down even more. And I don't want to do that. Not when he gave everything to protect me."

"Juu-nii!" Hope flooded Chihiro's gaze, and impulsively she flung her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"Careful!" Despite himself Juushirou winced at the pressure against his bruised ribs, and Chihiro's eyes widened.

"I'm sorry!" She exclaimed, hurriedly disentangling herself. "I didn't mean to – are you all right?"

"I think Anika's sweet porridge helped." Juushirou held her at arm's length, a faint smile touching his lips. "I don't think I'm about to go into spasm now, even though my chest still aches. I think maybe I realised, too, that either I can keep this cycle of being sick and a burden on everyone, or I can try at least to find a way to make myself useful, instead. I don't know what that way is, yet. But I will find it. And I will get better. I promise. I won't make you all worry any more, Chi-chan. After all, that's not what Father would want me to do."

"I'm glad." Tears touched Chihiro's hazel eyes, and she grasped his fingers in hers. "You're still hot, though, Niisama, and you should probably still be resting."

"I didn't sleep much last night, but I feel more peaceful now, all of a sudden." Juushirou reflected. "I think I can sleep, at least for a bit."

He smiled.

"And then tomorrow I want to go down to the sea." He added softly. "Even if I can't go in the water."

"The sea?" Chihiro looked surprised. "Are you sure? It's a long walk for someone who's barely left the house in eighteen months or more."

"I'm sure." Juushirou nodded his head. "Even more now than ever before. It's like the waves are somehow a part of me...I'd like to see them again."

Chihiro smiled, relief in her gaze as she shrugged her shoulders.

"Whatever you say." She said simply. "If it means you're feeling better, then I don't think anyone will argue with it, least of all Okaasama. She's worried about you too, after all."

Juushirou pursed his lips.

"Well, she won't have to any more." He said softly. "Whatever I felt before, I don't feel it now. I'm going to do something to repay my parents, Chi-chan. No matter what it takes or how long it is before I find it - I'm going to make sure they didn't protect me in vain. I'll find a way to return that debt - no matter what!"

Author's note:
In'you - the Japanese reading of Yin-Yang. But you guessed that, right? It just seemed logical to me that Ukitake's twin fish should be represented in that way, considering his sense of fairness and justice and considering the name of his zanpakutou.


Wisdom is probably a loose translation. Law or reason is probably a truer one. But it made for a good chapter header. So whatever ^_^. Wisdom is probably better in the sense I've done the chapter in any case.

I also prefer 'Pisces' over 'twin fish' because Pisces ("sougyo-kyuu" or "uoza") happens to be my starsign, so it keeps my fangirl happy :D I have a feeling that's what Kubo-sensei intended, in any case, I just can't prove it ;)