Farewell
There was a strange atmosphere hanging over the small settlement as Shunsui hurried through the abandoned town gates, pausing to catch his breath as he gazed around at his surroundings with a mixture of dismay and horror in his clever dark eyes.
When he had lived with his Uncle, they had ridden through here once or twice on a particular errand. Yet Shunsui found he almost didn't recognise it as the same place.
Brightly coloured signs that had indicated this or that merchant or tradesman's base had faded and fallen into disrepair, and where children had once played in the fountain at the centre of the town, there was now no one in sight. Though it seemed empty and deserted, to Shunsui's keen senses, the touch of death was all around him, and he swallowed hard, almost afraid to take another step.
But he hadn't come here for that reason.
He steeled himself, slipping his fingers into the folds of his expensive clan clothing as they closed reassuringly around the vial that he had hidden there before slipping out of his Uncle's manor. His brother had been too occupied with the aftermath of the bloody battle to properly stop him, and in that split-second, Shunsui had taken advantage of his long and detailed memory of the grounds, using the shortest routes he knew to get onto the main traveller's road towards the border between his family's jurisdiction and the neighbouring Endou land. He had not known how long he had run for, but somehow his fear had given wings to his feet, as though somehow his urgency had propelled him to his destination more quickly and now, as he gathered his courage, he realised that every second might count.
It was a ghost town, maybe. But it was not entirely deserted.
Shunsui frowned, stretching out his senses tentatively as he searched for the familiar flicker of an old, comforting reiatsu somewhere in the surrounding area. Though he had never fully appreciated it when he had been living with his Uncle, he had developed a keen sense of each individual's traits as he had grown, knowing when they meant friend or foe, and it had begun to be almost second-nature to him, like an instinct he was not fully conscious of having but was able to use nonetheless.
And now he was focusing every single shred of that instinct on finding one thing.
The thin, yet unmistakeable trace of Saku's reiatsu.
As he caught the faintest brush of it against his thoughts, his eyes widened and, as though he had got his second wind he was off again, pushing through the dusty streets towards the furthest limit of the town's boundaries. There, as he reached the top of the rise, he saw the old, raggedy building that Saku had described to him on more than one occasion. Even this he had stored somewhere in his memories, he reflected ruefully, his heart aching slightly as he remembered once again their parting. He had not seen her in almost two years, and that parting stare of accusation was still burnt into his soul. Yet this was not a time to be afraid of recriminations. He had not come here to beg Saku's forgiveness or even to try and convince her to re-begin their friendship. He had come with the intention of saving her life.
He pushed his hands tentatively against the door, finding it swung back under his touch quite easily and he frowned, aware that the lack of fastening was not a good sign. Yet, he reflected darkly, who would rob a house in a ghost town racked by plague? Those townsfolk who could flee had already done so, taking their belongings and, probably, the disease over the border to other unsuspecting townships. The ones who had stayed behind had been those too weak or ill to move, and Shunsui knew that the superstitions surrounding illness in this region of Seireitei was high.
Though his brother had said it was a matter of contaminated water, Shunsui realised that to the people hereabouts, it was just as likely to be viewed as a curse of fate.
He pushed the thought from his mind, glancing quickly around the lower level of the house as he ascertained that the subject of his search was not there. The ground floor was deserted, however, and he paused for a moment, steadying his breathing as he gazed up the rickety, broken staircase to the upper floors. Saku's reiatsu radiated like a faint, unsteady beacon calling to him, and despite their two years apart, Shunsui realised how much he had missed her in the interim time.
Yet now was not a moment for sentiment. He frowned, hardening his heart as, carefully and nimbly he began to scale the dangerous steps, judging the weak points in the wood with a critical eye as he avoided them each one by one. As he reached the top of the landing, he felt the sense of Saku's reiatsu grow stronger, and he focused his mind on nothing but locating her whereabouts.
"Who are you?"
A faint voice came from behind him, and he swung around, eyes widening in alarm as he recognised the speaker. She was pale and thin, her dark hair pulled back from her face in a dusty tail, and the eyes that had once reflected life and freedom were now mere hollows of darkness, staring at him in weary confusion. At his alarm, she frowned, her fingers tightening around something in her hand, and Shunsui realised it was a broom she had grabbed with the intent of fending off attackers. In that instant, he realised that she did not recognise him, either - that now, even though as then he was dressed in fine fabrics, they were not the garments of a high-born child but a young man now old enough to carry the responsibilities of his family's pride. At sixteen, he was now an adult, and Tokutarou's official blood heir.
Despite himself, his heart clenched. Who was he now, then, that she could look at him that way? And who was she? Their childhood together seemed more distant than ever, the gap put between them by his Uncle's high-handedness a chasm that had become unbreachable.
He frowned, suppressing the emotion as he bowed his head towards her.
"I've come to help you." He said softly. "There's plague here, after all. I've come from the manor with medicine."
"Medicine?" Saku stared at him blankly, then she let out a low, hard chuckle, no humour in her dark gaze. "What use is medicine? The people have long gone. They'll have taken their disease to someplace else, now. You shouldn't worry yourself too much about it. It's not your problem now, after all. Like as not they've crossed the border into Endou land. It will be up to them to fix now."
Shunsui shook his head.
"You misunderstand." He said simply. "I didn't come with medicine to save the town. I came to bring it to you, Saku-chan."
At the familiar use of her name, Saku's eyes widened, and she stared at him in disbelief, the broom slipping from her grasp and clattering forgotten onto the floor. For a moment there was silence, then she darted forward, reaching up to pull loose Shunsui's hairtie in one swift, fluid movement. As she did so, she whispered a curse, letting the wavy brown hair fall loose across the boy's shoulders.
"S..Shunsui?" She whispered, and Shunsui nodded his head, gravity in his dark brown eyes.
"I'm afraid so." he agreed. "I'm sorry, Saku. I know I'm not someone you want to see - now or ever, most likely. You probably consider this my fault, too. I know I do. But even so...even though it's all I can do..."
He slid his fingers into his obi, pulling out the vial and holding it out. Saku stared at it, then, slowly, she took it, tears glittering in her dark eyes as she ran her fingers over the lid with trembling hands.
"You came to save me?" She whispered, and Shunsui nodded.
"Yes." He said frankly. "It was owed, after all."
Saku swallowed hard, reaching up to dash away her tears. Slowly she shook her head, setting the vial down on the unit.
"You're too late." She murmured. "It wasn't me who needed the remedy. I...I'm not sick. But Father...Father died this morning."
Shunsui froze, ice piercing through his heart as he stared at her in dismay, and Saku bit her lip.
"You can't cure death, not even if you are Noble born." She said quietly. "Even you're surely not that much of a fool, Shunsui."
Shunsui sighed, closing his eyes briefly as he composed himself.
"I should have come more quickly." He muttered. "I shouldn't have let my Brother...but..."
"You can't save the world, you know." Saku shook her head. "I don't understand why you came here, to be honest. It's not as though there's anything for us to talk about, these days. You're not who you were the last time we met, and I'm not, either, after all."
Shunsui gazed at her for a moment, reaching out a tentative finger to touch her tear-sprinkled, grimy cheek.
"You will always be Saku-chan to me." He said softly. "And I'm sorry, that it was too little, too late. You're right...there's no benefit in being born into this level of society. All that happens is that people die. My Uncle should have stopped this sooner, but he didn't. Because of his own agenda, he didn't do anything to help the people here. I won't forget that. Even now he's dead, he's still making people suffer."
Saku pursed her lips, reaching up to gently push his hand away.
"I wasn't angry at you, that day, when we were sent away." She whispered. "I was angry at me, for doing something to let my father down. But you weren't like a noble son to me, then. You weren't like this, dressed in the fine clothing of your clan. You wouldn't even wear the Kyouraku insignia then, except by force. But you...we...were children, then. We're not now, are we?"
Shunsui shook his head.
"No." He agreed gravely. "Though I don't think it's possible to be a child in this world, to be honest with you. From the moment you're born, it's simply a matter of trying to survive."
"There you go again, saying the same horrible truths without a moment's consideration." Saku said sadly. "But you don't understand in so many ways. There are things you've never faced - things you will never face. And..."
"Let me help you, at the very least." Shunsui offered. "Let me make sure your Father is properly taken care of, and that you..."
"That I...what?" Saku laughed bitterly. "Become your family's cause for charity a second time? Do you think I lack all pride, just because I've fallen to such a level?"
"No, but..."
"It was Father's decision to come to the Kyouraku for aid, years ago." Saku broke across him, shaking her head. "And I was too young, so I never questioned it. I didn't know all the things I know now, after all, about being involved with the patronage of a noble family."
"Saku-chan, I..."
"I know a lot more now." Saku raised her head, gravity in her dark gaze. "I don't hate you, Shunsui. I never could, I don't think. But neither one of us understood then that what we were doing was wrong in every respect. And these last couple of years I've realised the full cost of my carelessness. I don't intend on repeating those mistakes."
She straightened, smoothing down her ragged gown.
"I have pride, too." She added. "Even if I'm not a Kyouraku, I have enough of it to know I want to take care of myself. I never came to ask for help because I felt I shouldn't, after all. And you shouldn't have come here. I would have rather not have seen you - or had you seen me."
Shunsui swallowed hard.
"I wanted to see you." He admitted. "I have done for a long time. But..."
"But you and I were forcibly parted, and it should stay that way." Saku shook her head. "You're Kyouraku Shunsui-sama. I'm not oblivious to the fact that now Tokutarou-sama is the Kyouraku lord, you're his heir. You shouldn't be seen with a girl of fallen heritage like me. And it can certainly do me no good to involve myself with those who will always be far too far out of my reach."
"Saku-chan."
"I won't be staying here, once Father is buried." Saku said matter-of-factly. "I don't know where I'm going, but it will be away from here and away from the Kyouraku influence, too. You and I won't ever meet again, and you mustn't look for me. Fond as I always will be of our childhood together, Shunsui - it's not the same any more. You know it as well as I do. And I know now what I didn't know then. That a woman's honour can be easily taken and not so easily repaired. So what we did as children...stays in the past."
She touched his shoulder briefly, then shook her head.
"For all that I loved you then, now I simply want you to go." She murmured. "Seeing you this way brings me more pain than it does happy memories. Do you understand?"
This stabbed through Shunsui's young heart, and slowly he brushed his fingers against the family insignia on his clothing. Then he sighed.
"Keep the medicine, in case it has a further use on your travels." He said at length. "I'm sorry, Saku - for so many things that happened and so many more that didn't. Maybe you think we're different people - separated by social class - but I never saw it that way. Nor did I ever intend to compromise your honour. I looked up to you. I still do. I admire you more than anyone else I've ever met. And if...if I leave, if it will make things easier for you, I'll go."
He turned, then glanced back at her.
"But it doesn't change the fact that I came here today because I wanted to see you. And help, if I could." He said sadly. "You were my first true friend, after all. There's no true friendship within the Noble ranks. In the end, I think, I'm the one who's lost the most."
Before she could respond, he began to slowly make his way down the stairs, crossing the floor to the exit with his heart heavy in his chest. He did not look back, but his senses were keen enough to know that despite her words, Saku's emotions were as wrenched as his were, and as he walked slowly away from the old manor house, he could almost feel her tears reverberating around his heart.
So it had been the case, then, he reflected sadly. He had loved her. Had he not come back here, he might never have known it for sure. But now he knew with heart-breaking certainty that Saku had been his first love. And, no matter how much water had passed under the bridge since they had last met, he still loved her now.
Perhaps I always will.
He sighed, closing his eyes against his own tears.
Mother always says that she loved Father till the end, despite all the things he did. Maybe it's like that. Even if they don't make you happy, you can't help but love them anyway. Even if all it does is destroy you, piece by piece.
He frowned, remembering what Tokutarou had said to him about his Father, the first time they had met.
Father suffered too, because he loved Mother and I, yet was afraid for us, too. I suppose I really am Father's son, after all.
He paused at the perimeter of the village, reaching up to finger his long, wavy hair. Then, with a resolute expression on his features, he reached for the ornamental blade that hung at his waist, tightening his grasp on the hilt as he made up his mind.
If Oniisama is angry, so be it. If I look like a Noble son this way enough that Saku didn't want to look at me any more, then I don't want to look that way, either. And I won't. If it's the last part of that past I can reach out to, I'll do it.
He raised the weapon, bunching his hair in his fist and then slicing the sleek silver blade cleanly through it, feeling the weight come away in his hand. He glanced at his prize, fingering it for a moment, then letting out a heavy sigh.
I'm never going to let myself fall in love again. No matter what happens, I never will.
His grasp tightened around the shorn tail of hair.
And I'll never become Tokutarou-nii's heir. Even if he thinks it, I won't. It's like he said, after all. I'm Father's son. And Father knew too, that being part of the Kyouraku clan only ends in tragedy.
He sighed heavily, folding the hair between his fingers and sliding it into the folds of his clothing.
"Travel safely, Saku." He murmured, as he left the town, pausing to glance back at the gateway as he did so. "Without the shadow of my family hanging over you, I hope you can find a place to belong, now. I won't come after you, I promise. But I'll never forget, either. Not so long as I live - about the oneechan who taught me how to survive living in this world."
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Author's Note:
Own up - how many people thought 'Farewell' meant Saku was dying? ;)
Also, cyber cookies for anyone who spotted Shunsui's hidden talent in this chapter...
We're nearly at the end! Each of the boys has one more chapter left to them for this prequel story.
If you enjoyed it, however, I have begun writing about them at the Academy based on the backstories from this prequel and I will be uploading that story at some point after the prequel is complete (not sure when yet).
To date I've got about 20 chapters written, so...;)