Chapter Forty Seven: Heartache
"Finally, I'm finished."
Juushirou set his writing brush aside with a sigh, stifling a yawn as he stretched his arms over his head. Ruefully he glanced around him at the scrunched up pieces of half used parchment paper, acknowledging to himself that he had been at his task a good deal of time.
"I thought I'd grasped the theory of konsou in that first lecture, but I guess I didn't. Trying to write notes that made sense from the bits and pieces I scribbled down over the last few classes has been a lot more difficult than I thought."
It was three days after the meditation class, and late in the evening. Most of the rest of the school students were in bed, for the curfew bell had already rung, and as a consequence the school as a whole was peaceful. Outside the sky was clear, a gleaming full moon shining brightly in its midst, as if telling the students that although autumn was almost upon them, there was still good weather on the horizon. For Juushirou and his fellows, it had been a busy few weeks, and as a consequence it was only now, long after dinner had ended and the last Senior duties had been settled that Juushirou had found time to try and write up his haphazard folder of konsou notes into best.
"It's probably not something we'll really understand right until we do it." The room's other occupant glanced up from his own notes with a resigned smile. "And that won't happen till we're in a location where plus souls are, from everything Sensei was saying."
"I suppose that's true." Juushirou turned, taking in his companion with a grin. "This is unusual, though, Souryou-kun. I don't think I've ever seen you going over notes in here at this time of the night."
"That's because I don't usually do it," Kanshi said evenly. "But I actually wanted to talk to you, and I thought that if I waited till everyone else disappeared, that would be the best time to do it."
"Talk…to me?" Juushirou was startled, and Kanshi shrugged.
"About Akira," he explained, "or more exactly, about our trip to the Real World."
"What about it?" Juushirou frowned. "If you're worried about trouble, we're in separate groups. There's not going to be any chance of arguing – Sensei's worked that out the best way for everyone, if you ask me."
"Mm. I know," Kanshi nodded. "But…that does cause its own problems."
He sighed.
"Akira's competitive," he added. "I've tried talking to him, but that's mostly useless when it comes to matters of his pride. I thought maybe I'd have better luck talking to you about it."
"To me over your good friend?" Juushirou's eyes narrowed, and Kanshi grinned sheepishly.
"Because he's my good friend, I know it's pointless trying," he admitted, "but when you sparred him – after you sparred him – you said some things that made me think maybe you weren't quite as bad. That business with the first year kid – you didn't suspect Akira of it at all, even though it's no secret you don't like him. It would've been a good chance for you to put him in an awkward spot, since whatever anyone says, Sensei likes you. But you didn't. Akira hasn't seen that – but I have and I'm grateful."
"I'm not the kind of person to manipulate the truth to get my own back on someone or to settle a personal dislike," Juushirou bristled. "That's just common sense – whether I like Yamamoto-kun or not is irrelevant."
"Yes. That's what I mean." Kanshi lounged back in his seat. "Just…I think Akira knows Sensei likes you too, and it's part of the reason he doesn't like you. I heard that when you went to save that first year mite, you released Sougyo no Kotowari, didn't you?"
"…Yes." Juushirou reddened, nodding his head.
"Even though it's against Seireitei Law?"
"It wasn't as simple as that. The kid was trapped, and I…"
"I don't need you to justify it. I'm not criticising," Kanshi held up his hand, "so you needn't waste your breath. To be truthful, it was Akira who told me about it. He found out from kinsfolk that someone from the Academy had broken the zanpakutou law and that Genryuusai-sensei had spoken to Hashihiko-sama directly and nothing more had been done. Akira discovered it was you, and he wasn't all that happy about it – so he had a good rant to me in the absence of anyone else. What he gleaned from it was favouritism on Sensei's part towards you. But I don't think the old guy is the kind to randomly foist affection on people for no reason. And something else."
"Yes?" Juushirou recovered himself, looking quizzical.
"I think you'd do it again, wouldn't you? If the same situation repeated and you had to release your sword, breaking that law in order to save someone – you would."
"Of course I would," Juushirou nodded. "Why do I hold a sword at all, if I'm not going to protect someone with it?"
"That's why," Kanshi seemed pleased with himself. "That's the thing Sensei sees in you that makes you special in his mind."
"That I'm a troublemaker?" Juushirou looked confused, and Kanshi laughed.
"Perhaps," he agreed. "Someone once told me that Sensei likes the students who make him think. I dare say you've given some greys to that beard of his, too, over the years. Akira thinks Sensei sees you simply as a project he can fashion and mould into something he can use – but I don't. I think it's the opposite. Because of what you can do and who you are, Sensei's noticed you. He brought you here, but he's not easy on you. Probably he was only lenient over the zanpakutou breach because a life was saved – and that's what shinigami are supposed to do."
"I'm not sure," Juushirou owned. "I think I was quite close to the wire on that occasion. But why are you saying all of this? I don't understand."
"I'm worried about how much Akira resents you," Kanshi admitted. "You beating him in the class rankings before we broke for summer has only added to the problem. He's second best in his own family, because of his brother – and now he's second best at school, too. Plus, whether your grades do or don't overtake his, I think you're someone he can't beat. Sensei chose you to be Anideshi because you were the best candidate and would do the best job. Akira hates that most of all. It's not a matter of favouritism, but rather Sensei trusts you more than he trusts Akira. And Akira can't stand that."
"I hadn't thought of it that way." Juushirou looked thoughtful.
"No, because your world doesn't rotate around being first," Kanshi grinned. "Rank only matters to you in terms of what you can achieve with it, doesn't it?"
"I was competing to beat him last exams, I admit it," Juushirou responded pensively, "but you're right. I've never minded being second to Shunsui or to anyone else. And although Yamamoto-kun annoys me, I'm not always thinking about beating him. That said, though, I'm not going to slack in order to make him feel better. You know that, right?"
"I wasn't going to ask that," Kanshi shook his head. "I just…when it comes to us working as groups…Sensei is giving Akira leadership of our group. Class-rank wise, he's currently the highest seed, so I expected that. Same applies with yours, because you're Anideshi and currently top rank. Akira is an idiot, so he'll see it as a contest. I suppose I wanted to ask you to make sure you don't."
"Don't provoke him, huh?" Juushirou rested his chin in his ink-dusted hands, and Kanshi nodded.
"Yes. That."
He sighed.
"If he knew we were talking like this, probably he'd kill me," he added, "but I care about him, idiot as he is, and that he doesn't get hurt. He's the kind who'll get hot-headed and do something stupid to prove himself and the Real World doesn't sound like a place where that's a good idea. So while I don't want to ask you to slack – if you can try and tone down any competitiveness from your side between now and the end of our assignment, it'd be good. I don't mind if you want to settle graduation day in fisticuffs – I just don't want to see anyone killed."
"I understand." Despite himself, Juushirou grinned. "I'll do my best. I can't do much about him hating me, I don't think – but I will try not to provoke him if I can avoid it. And certainly once the Real World assignment begins, I'll do my best to make it clear we're not competing with anyone for anything. Is that all right?"
"Yes. Thank you," Kanshi returned the grin, getting to his feet and grasping Juushirou's hand in his, shaking it briefly. "I thought you had sense. I'm glad you do. You're an interesting kid to have classes with – it's a shame Akira doesn't see that side."
"I'm just glad that the animosity stops with him," Juushirou confessed. "I'm probably naïve in a lot of ways, but I didn't expect it to be like that this year."
"I don't think any of us are having the Senior year we anticipated having," Kanshi reflected. "All the chaos in District Six kinda prevented that."
"Mm." Juushirou became grave. "My family are also in Sixth, so that's never far from my thoughts."
"I have family there too," Kanshi reminded him. "Albeit my Kuchiki bloodline is outside of the degrees of Clan, and therefore I'm not relevant in all these squabbles of late. But even though I'm more or less Shiba in everyone's eyes, there are still people over the border who are kin to me. It's not been a good time for any of them, really."
"I hadn't realised," Juushirou was surprised. "I didn't know you were part Kuchiki."
"Yes. But then you are yourself, aren't you?" Kanshi's eyes narrowed, and Juushirou started, staring at him in dismay.
"Me?"
"You look like you are," Kanshi grinned. "Not in your eyes, admittedly, nor that white hair. But Aoi told me that that sickness you have turns people's hair white from time to time, so with that taken into consideration…plus your spirit power too…"
"I see," Juushirou touched his hair absently, offering a rueful smile. "You really are sharp, aren't you, Souryou-kun?"
"I'm right?" Kanshi asked, and Juushirou shrugged.
"I'm probably not supposed to talk about it. It's not a bloodline the Clan would consider valid," He said carefully, "but maybe."
"Maybe..." Kanshi pursed his lips. "Okay. If it's like that, I won't ask any more. It doesn't really bother me – I was just curious, that's all."
He got to his feet.
"You seem to have an uncommonly good friendship with two of that Clan, which also made me wonder," he added. "Edogawa is quite unusual overall, but Kuchiki seems to be your average Clan bocchan."
"Ryuu is…Ryuu," Juushirou reflected. "And Mitsuki is…different from most Kuchiki."
"She is quite the odd one out, even by the Kuchiki-ke's standards." Kanshi's eyes twinkled. "Sora thinks there's something brewing between you and her – but I suppose that's not the case, is it? Since your bloodline is so invalid and all."
"We're friends," Juushirou murmured. "That's all. But good friends. I think."
"I'd think you'd know better than me – and maybe better than Sora." Kanshi put his hand out to open the door, then paused. "She doesn't even seem to know what her roommate is up to most of the time, so I'd put it beyond her to understand anything about her heart."
"What do you mean?" Juushirou was confused, and Kanshi shrugged.
"She was heading to the baths when I came down here," he said flippantly. "She and Edogawa are usually inseparable, so I asked where her shadow was. Sora said she was already in bed and sleeping, so she was going alone. But…I definitely saw Edogawa slipping down towards the main gate as I crossed the main bridge towards the annexe. I guess whatever it is isn't something for a half-Kuchiki like me to bother about – but wherever she was going, she obviously didn't intend on being seen. She was carrying something too – but I didn't see what it was."
Juushirou stared at his companion in dismay, and Kanshi frowned.
"You didn't know either? Oh well," he shrugged, "maybe she has a secret lover hiding in the forests or something like that."
He gave Juushirou a wink.
"It's not my business, but perhaps she's got fed up with just friends, Ukitake."
With that he was gone, and for a moment Juushirou just stood there, a plethora of thoughts running through his head as he tried to make sense of what Kanshi had just told him.
Mitsuki sneaking out to a place even Sora doesn't know…carrying something…after curfew? Mitsuki breaking curfew – for what end? I don't understand.
He hurried to the window, resting his hands on the sill as he stretched out his senses, trying to detect the young healer's distinct reiatsu.
Try as he might, he could not locate Mitsuki within the school grounds.
Fear and uncertainty flooded through him.
Was she in some kind of trouble?
Before he knew what he was doing, he was hurrying along the hallway to the nest, grabbing his cloak and pulling it about his shoulders. Pausing for a moment, he scooped Sougyo no Kotowari up from its place beside his bed. Locking the door of his room, he focused his wits, slipping into shunpo and using the flash-steps to move between the streams of spiritual energy towards the school's main gate.
Once there, he could just about sense it – the faint trace of Mitsuki's reiatsu on the wind that told him Kanshi had been telling the truth.
Even this faint, though, I can track it. Even without healer wits, I can.
Juushirou gritted his teeth, glancing up at the bright moon that shone overhead.
It's a clear night, no rain or storms around, and I'm not going to break any laws. Curfew is one thing, but I'm only going to bring Mitsuki back. Even Sensei won't make too big a deal about it, so long as the only thing I'm doing is bending school rules. Mitsuki's a Kuchiki and so might be in trouble – therefore I can't just let it lie till the morning and everyone else is probably in bed. I'm not going to get others into trouble this time, either.
Dismissing the little voice at the back of his mind that told him Genryuusai probably would have things to say about any of his students wilfully breaking curfew, he tied his cloak more firmly around his shoulders, setting off purposefully in the direction that the fragmented vapours of reiatsu led.
If he had stopped for a moment to consider his behaviour, he would probably have found it to be irrational. There was nothing in the quiet District One night to suggest that his classmate was in any kind of danger from assassins, nor had he sensed anything on the breeze that indicated a Hollow was nearby. Mitsuki was not as important to the family as Ryuu, and though she had been in the midst of the danger, she had not been directly attacked. Yet common sense was not directing Juushirou's actions. Though he'd tried to be rational and sensible about it, his affection for Mitsuki was driving him forwards, wanting to make sure she was all right.
She had already moved quite far from the school itself. As Juushirou used his shunpo to follow her trail, he realised she had likely done the same to cover such a large amount of ground in such a short time. The land was familiar to him – they had camped here as younger students, and as he reached a familiar cluster of trees, he realised that he was heading directly for the lake and the mountains that lay beyond.
As he broke through the spread of forest that led to the lake clearing, he became aware of soft voices, and he stopped, suppressing his reiatsu down even further than it had been before and ducking back behind a tree as he heard the sound of footsteps through the undergrowth.
"You really don't listen at all, do you?"
Soft as it was, that was undoubtedly Mitsuki's voice, and Juushirou froze, his ears straining to make out every word.
"It's dusty in the cave, and I was hot with all those blankets you've insisted on swathing it and me in."
The second voice was not so clear, yet oddly familiar, and Juushirou's brows knitted together as he tried to make out where he had heard it before.
"You have another fever. Of course you're hot." Mitsuki was scolding whoever it was, Juushirou realised with a jolt. There was a friendly informality to her words and despite himself Kanshi's teasing words about a secret lover struck through him.
"So cooling down was a good idea, wasn't it?" the second person said matter-of-factly. "You said yourself it was only a light fever. It's hardly going to kill me if I take a swim."
"Now your hair is damp again," Mitsuki sighed. "That means it will need to dry, or your fever will get worse. I told you this the last time you went swimming, and yet here we are again. Look, you can't go back to the cave like that. Good thing it's a nice night – you'll have to stay out a while and hope for the best. But really, you're being foolish. You shouldn't risk your health – or your safety - just because you don't like blankets sticking to you."
"You could be a little less harsh. Leaving the cave once or twice in what must be pushing four weeks is something of a novelty for me." Now the branches parted, and Juushirou's eyes opened wide with dismay as he recognised the person to whom Mitsuki had been speaking. "There's nobody around here who's going to find me – you shouldn't be so…"
"Juushirou!" Before Shirogane could even finish his sentence, Mitsuki had pushed past him, a stricken look in her soft grey gaze. "Juushirou, I know you're here! Stop hiding in the trees and come out – even if you try to hide it, you can't hide your reiatsu from me!"
"Juu…shirou? Ukitake?" Shirogane's own expression became one of consternation, and, not sure whether to feel guilty or angry, Juushirou stepped numbly out from behind the trees. As he did so, he registered the half-dressed condition of his former shishou, long black curls dripping and tied only in a loose tail behind his head. Words stuck in his throat, and for a moment he could only stare at the two of them, healer and patient in stricken disbelief.
At length, he managed to force words through his vocal chords and out into the night air.
"Nagoya-senpai?" he whispered. "What are you doing here?"
How many years had it been since he last visited this place?
As Guren dismounted from his horse, handing the reins automatically to one of his accompanying guardsmen, he felt a faint sense of nostalgia wash over his body. This manor had been gifted to Seiren by their Father on the occasion of his wedding to Shouko, and the Clan leader remembered clearly how the whole place had been decked out that day with trailing vines and cherry blossom, the Kuchiki green and cream standards fluttering proudly in the afternoon breeze. Perhaps it had not been since then, Guren mused pensively – he had always somewhat resented the fact that Senaya had so arbitrarily given his brother a manor and land of his own when he, the heir to the Clan had had to wait until the time he held the family in his own two hands.
"It is your brother's right," was all Senaya had said. "You will inherit this house, Guren, and everything that goes with it. Seiren is not like you – therefore I'll give him that one. It's one close by, so he can be easily by your side when you need him, but far enough that his family will be safe from the pressures of political power."
I resented it very much, on reflection.
Giving instructions to his retainers to wait for him outside, Guren made his way carefully up the neatly patterned path to the front of the house. Word of his arrival had soon spread and as he approached them, the ornately carved main doors were already being drawn back to allow him entry.
Seiren had a bolthole, and between that point and Father's death, we barely saw each other. Then everything changed, and now Seiren spends more time at court than he does here. That's why this bothers me so much, I suppose. He's usually at my side, and yet now he is not. Weeks have turned into months and yet he has not returned. Nor has he sent any word or message to explain his reasons. The Kuchiki court are becoming uneasy and impatient with this behaviour - it is time I got to the bottom of it once and for all. If it is my fault and I was too harsh on him - for Father's sake I need to find a way to mend that rift once again.
"Guren-oniisama? What a surprise this is."
The voice of his sister in law drifted down to him from one of the upper galleries, and Guren raised his head, offering her a smile as she hastened down the stairs to greet him. He, like everyone else at court knew that marital relations between Seiren and his wife were at best strained, but there was no sign of hardship or preoccupation in the woman's striking silver gaze, and as she reached him she dropped down before him in a formal bow, her head lowered humbly in respect for his status.
The soft scent of expensive perfume pervaded the hallway, and Guren's expression became a wry one.
"Please raise your head, Shouko-dono," he said softly. "I apologise for the unexpected intrusion on your privacy, especially so late in the evening. As I'm sure you've guessed, I've come to see my brother. I trust he is at home?"
"Probably." Shouko got obediently to her feet, a fan somehow materialising between her fingers as she sent her companion a weary look. "I have not ventured to speak to him these three days together, so I wouldn't know for sure. Perhaps he is in his study – I haven't heard that he's taken a horse and left the manor, therefore I imagine that he's there."
"Thank you." Guren knew better than to comment on the dismissiveness of his companion's words. "Then I shall not trouble you any further. Please excuse once again the rudeness of my intrusion – I shall head to Seiren's study directly and hope to find him there."
"As you wish, Guren-oniisama." Shouko bowed her head again, smiling prettily, and as she drifted past him, Guren was once more aware of the brush of expensive perfume around her body. Time was moving on, and Shouko – after birthing five children – was no longer the svelte young hime she had been when they had been betrothed. But, Guren reflected ruefully, she had lost none of her love for beautiful things, and was still finding ample ways to spend his brother's money even though they were more or less estranged.
"Guren-sama!" Shibata was stood guard outside the door of Seiren's study, and at the sight of the Clan leader his eyes widened, his expression becoming first one of consternation and then one of evident relief. At this dichotomy, Guren frowned, striding quickly to cover the distance between them and resting a hand on the soldier's arm.
"I've come to see my brother," he said quietly. "I suppose you've been put here to stop anyone from doing so – but I don't suppose you will refuse me entry, will you?"
"I have no right to stand in the way of the Clan's leader, sir," Shibata said respectfully, "but you are right. Seiren-sama did ask me to prevent all entry to this chamber except with his express permission."
He bit his lip, then,
"I am truly glad to see you, sir," he added softly, "for I think something is amiss with my Lord. He has not left this room these three days together, though I am quite certain he is unwell. His colour is bad and I've heard him coughing – but when I have spoken to him about taking rest, he banished me to outside and set this duty upon me instead. He's barely eaten, though maidservants have been sent for food and refreshment – sometimes he will not even allow me to open the door to bring the tray to him. I am truly very worried for him…it seems something heavy is weighing upon him, and it is something that I have no power to resolve."
"I see." Guren's eyes became grave. "First he left the central manor, and the last time I spoke to him he was also unlike himself. Now he is holing himself up here within his own home and away from people in whom he has trust – that is worrying indeed."
He rested his hand against the wood of the door.
"A physician has not been summoned?"
"I suggested it…" Shibata faltered, then, "Seiren-sama…Seiren-sama advised me that if one should be, he would see to removing that man's head from his body the moment he stepped through the doors, and so…I have not pursued it any further."
"Seiren threatened such a thing?" Guren looked stunned. "On a person who does not bear arms?"
"Yes, sir."
"Tell me, before he confined himself away, did he do or say anything to you that you thought unusual?" Guren was truly worried now. "Anything that was on his mind – anything at all?"
"He may be cross with me for revealing it," Shibata chewed down on his lip, "but he went to District One – he went to see Ryuu-sama, and I believe…it was not an amicable discussion. I think…Ryuu-sama said something that went quite amiss with Seiren-sama."
"An argument between Seiren and his son?" Guren frowned. " That was enough to make him confine himself away?"
"No, sir," Shibata shook his head, "after he returned from District One, he met with some retainers who had been on the errand of locating Shirogane-sama in the other provinces of District Six. These men were from the Coastal Province, in fact. I believe Seiren-sama went to speak to the Lord Kinnya about something – and after that, he withdrew here. His confinement to his study did not begin until three nights ago, however. Unfortunately I do not know of any other event that might have caused that."
"Seiren went to see Ojiue?" Guren's eyes became slits. "Was that before or after the last time he came to see me at the manor?"
"Before, sir."
"So it was Ojiue who convinced Seiren to give me the letters and to pull back on Shirogane's guilt," Guren rubbed his chin, more than half talking to himself.
I knew that Ojiue probably knew something – that pretty much confirms it. But he didn't tell me about it, and instead urged me not to think of Seiren as a traitor. I don't like it, but I will have to believe in that for the time being. Whatever troubles my brother, I need him by my side and so this state of affairs can't go on.
"I will speak to him," he said aloud, slipping his fingers through the door handle, "alone. You have orders and should stay here – but his instructions can't touch me."
"Yes, Guren-sama," Shibata bowed, and Guren shot him a faint smile before drawing the door back, taking a deep breath and stepping into the study beyond.
The shutters at the windows were closed, and in the dim silver light that slipped in through the cracks, Guren could barely make out his brother's presence at all.
"Why did you come here?"
The voice came from the shadows, soft and emotionless, and Guren frowned, closing the door softly behind him.
"Because I needed to speak to you, and you weren't at my side," he said matter-of-factly. "What is the meaning of this, Seiren? Shibata says you've shut yourself in here without food or water for the most part. Why all the theatrics? Even though you've a habit of taking things to extremes sometimes, this is ridiculous."
"That didn't answer my question. Why did you come here?" This time there was more edge to Seiren's voice, but it was desperation and fear as much as anger that laced the other man's tones, and Guren sighed, crossing the room and throwing back the shutters so that the bright glow of the full moon streamed into the cloistered study.
"You are my right hand man. Why would I not come?" he demanded. "You are in contempt of your duty, running away without good reason and hiding in your study when the Clan needs you to be firm. I've come here to…good grief, Seiren, what happened?"
As he turned and faced his brother for the first time, his scolding was cut short mid-flow, for as his gaze rested on his companion, he realised how true Shibata's assessment of his master had been.
Seiren had always been lean, but even in the course of a few days he looked to have lost weight, and his features appeared haggard and thin. His eyes were little more than smudges, as though he had not slept properly in the three days he had been locked up inside his study. Every breath he took into his lungs seemed to be an effort, and from the other's stiff movements, Guren had the impression that something invisible had been wound tightly around his ribcage, making it more difficult to pull in air. His sleek black hair, lacking in grey though it still was for once fell loose and unattended about his shoulders, free of its usual neat ties. Although he was robed in the normal attire of a Kuchiki lord of some standing, Guren could not help but think he had been wearing the same clothing for days together, for it was rumpled and creased and smudged in places with dust which could only have come from crawling around on the floor. His hand trembled slightly as he pulled himself to his feet, and for a while Guren was struck speechless, unable to account for the sudden and drastic change in his brother's demeanour.
"Please go back," Seiren spoke softly, and Guren realised that even speaking was something of an effort. "At the moment, I'm no use to you. You should discard me, Guren-sama. I'm no longer a fitting shadow for the Leader of this Clan."
"What on earth are you talking about?" Despite himself, Guren was genuinely frightened by the defeated note in the other man's voice. Grabbing his brother by the shoulders, he intended to give him a little shake, staring into those hopeless grey eyes as if looking for some sign of the defiant, argumentative brother he had sparred with since they had been small.
As his fingers touched Seiren's body, however, something sharp darted through him and he gasped, involuntarily releasing his hold. Seiren stumbled back, only just managing to steady his balance, and Guren stared at his hands, confused and disturbed by what had just happened.
Was that…reiryoku?
"Seiren?" he murmured, and Seiren sighed, sinking back against the wall.
"I have no intention of returning to the main house," he said quietly, "nor do I have anything to report to you. If I'm derelicting my duty, then punish me. I won't resist arrest. Otherwise, please leave me here. I have no business at the main manor now."
"Seiren, this isn't like you." Guren's brows knitted together.
"Since when have you ever known what is like me?" Seiren's eyes became cold, and for a moment Guren saw his brother's childhood resentment flare up once more. "So long as I've been useful to you, that's all that matters. That's all I'm here for – so now I'm no longer useful, you should simply turn around and discard me. You have Futsuki, and soon you will have Ryuu. My son is your heir, and that's all that matters. My life only ever existed for your sake – so now that job is done you should leave me be."
"Idiot," Guren snorted. "Do you think I'd just abandon you in this state?"
"If you don't, other people will probably die," Seiren said flatly. "I'm not worth sacrificing anyone else for, so heed my words and go."
"What?" Guren's features paled and he stared at his brother in alarm. "Die? Like…Ribari died? Seiren, what have you discovered? Has someone hurt you because you discovered it? Or…?"
"I have nothing to report to you," Seiren's words were steady, but Guren could hear the fear and apprehension in his brother's words and he knew the other man was lying.
What Ojiue knows and Seiren knows is something that meant Ribari was killed? Or did Seiren discover something else he should not have done, and now he's caught in a trap of some kind?
His gaze flitted around the room for any sign that someone else might be listening in on the conversation, but there was none.
Still, this room feels odd. It's like someone's cast a spiritual curse on my brother, and it's causing him pain whenever he tries to speak to me. Maybe if he tries to speak to anyone – and so he's shut himself away so that he can't bring anyone to harm. I wonder if that's possible…but why?
"All right," he said softly, meeting Seiren's clouded grey gaze with a firm one of his own. "If you have nothing to report, I won't take you at sword point and demand that you speak to me. For the sake of your son who is an honourable young man, even if you defied me, I would likely be lenient on you and spare you your life. However…Seiren, listen to me. The Council of Elders believes that the wanted fugitive Aizen Keitarou is somehow involved in the murder of my son. Also, I believe that Nanaki, the young girl you rescued, is a conspirator in this plot. These are dangerous people and you should not try and investigate any further on your own. Whether you've pulled away from my side for that purpose or for Ryuu's sake I'm not sure – and I won't ask you to tell me, but you should let the Council handle things from this point on. You have no power to deal with the whims of a spiritual scientist like that."
Seiren did not respond, and Guren saw his brother's hand inch up towards his chest, as though trying to calm a palpitating heart.
Seiren was weak as a small child and often sickly, but bit by bit he outgrew it. Now it's as though the stress of all this has brought that weakness flooding back.
"Take care of yourself, my brother," Guren murmured softly. "I expect to see you alive and before me again when your health has improved."
"I cannot make that promise to you at the present time, Oniisama," Seiren said morosely. "In fact, I do not even have the right to call you by that name. Whatever you and the Council have discovered, I have no part in it. This world does not move for those whose spiritual senses are blinded."
Again Guren was aware of something unfamiliar swirling through the chamber's atmosphere, but as soon as he tried to focus on it it was gone, and he sighed, reluctantly giving up.
"I'm riding back to the manor now," he said presently. "If you feel up to it, I hope to see you there before too long too."
With that he pulled back the door of the chamber, stepping back out into the corridor beyond.
"Guren-sama?" Shibata was waiting anxiously outside, and Guren sighed, rubbing his temples.
"He seems quite unwell to me," he admitted, "and perhaps that sickness is making his judgements somewhat awry. Take care of him for me, Shibata. If he will not see a physician, at least try and ensure he gets some rest tonight. Lack of sleep has never agreed with him – I must return to the business of governing the Clan, and if he will not come with me, I will have all the more to do myself."
"Yes, sir," Shibata bowed his head. "On Seiren-sama's behalf, I apologise for the inconvenience."
"No…" Guren glanced back towards the door, remembering the look in his brother's eyes. "I get the feeling that Seiren believes he's doing the right thing by staying away. I don't know why, but that's what I think. I'll return and I'll do the things I can without him. Hopefully if the pressure is off him a bit, he'll recover enough to speak to me more coherently – and if he's discovered anything I need to know, we'll have a chance to discuss it. But for the time being, I have other avenues to follow."
He cast Shibata a sad smile.
"Seiren and I have always been distant, but never like this," he added pensively. "I admit, I find it more disturbing than I thought – the idea of losing my brother after everything we've been through together."
As the door closed behind his brother, Seiren clasped both hands to his chest, sinking to the floor as his breathing became more and more laboured. He screwed his eyes up so tightly dots danced before them, fighting tooth and nail to regain control of his composure. Wave after wave of raw energy pulsed through him, and for a moment he just curled up there, seconds seeming like minutes and minutes becoming like hours as the fragments of spirit power ripped ruthlessly through his body.
They were becoming more frequent.
At length the pressure eased and he dropped back, lying on the floor of his study and gazing helplessly up at the patterned ceiling overhead.
Even if you don't choose to kill me, Guren, it might be too late.
He sighed heavily, closing his eyes and inhaling a deep breath of air into his lungs as he fought to regain a sense of rational thought.
What is real and what is not is becoming hard to discern. Did I speak to Aizen Keitarou, or was that a delusion because of all the things running through my body? But I'm sure he threaded something through me, and little by little it's prising me apart. The seal on my spirit power – was that it? But spirit power isn't supposed to be painful. As children I saw Raiko and Guren both play with sparks from their fingers in the manor grounds. Ryuu did it too – when he was small and used to accidentally singe his blankets in his sleep. Whatever this is is not spirit power but poison – a deep, probing poison that's taking me apart, piece by piece.
All I can do is stay here while it devours me, so as nobody else gets hurt.
He took another shuddering breath into his lungs, dragging himself with difficulty into a sitting position and using the cool wood-panel wall as a support for his shaking body.
No, to make sure Ryuu doesn't get hurt.
His brows knitted together.
Aizen told me not to go see Guren, and so I have not. Still Guren came to me. I don't know whether that meeting was real or a dream, but just in case, I won't jeopardise my son's life. Ryuu's life. I won't. If I die, I can't betray anybody. But if I kill myself, then on my son falls shame. So I'll wait. I'll wait and bear this until my body can't hold out any longer.
"Seiren-sama?"
That was Shibata at the door again, his voice as anxious as it had been the night before.
"Seiren-sama, at least take some time to rest. You're working far too hard, and Guren-sama advises…"
"Leave me be!" Seiren managed to raise the strength to speak through the wooden divide. "If I need your help, I'll ask for it. Carry out your task, Shibata. Guard this door and let nobody else through."
"But Seiren-sama..."
"That is an order!"
"Yes, sir," Seiren heard Shibata sigh, but he knew his manservant would obey. A faint, hollow smile flickered at his lips.
Guren pulled back from me when he touched me, as though something had stung him. If it can affect him like that, it might cause one like you grievous harm, Shibata. You've served me loyally all these years. At the very least I want you to be there to take charge of things when I'm no longer here.
He sighed heavily.
The last time we spoke, Ryuu, we fought. You defied me, and I slapped you. To think that would be the last time we'd speak – I regret that. But there's no helping it now. The secret that's underpinned my life till now is starting to become a danger to the family – Father's ghosts coming back to haunt the whole Clan. If I'm not here, nobody can use me against Guren. And so long as Ryuu is here, the family is secure.
Slowly and painfully he pulled himself to his feet.
Is this the life you protected me from, Father? When you sealed my spirit power, this is the real reason why?
He coughed, putting his finger to his lips and drawing them away to see blood staining the tips.
My life existed for Guren's sake – my life existed because he was there to take the burdens I could not, therefore if my life ends now for Guren's sake, so be it. If this is the last thing I can do to protect my brother, Otousama, please accept it. If we are soon to meet, please forgive me my shortcomings. I have tried my hardest to be what you demanded of me...and so I will continue, as long as there remains breath in this form. If I am to die, if it be for the greater good of the Kuchiki Clan…so be it.
For a while, silence reigned over the small clearing, as the three figures stood like statues, staring at each other in consternation and disbelief. It was Mitsuki who was the first to recover her wits, slipping in front of Shirogane almost protectively and shooting Juushirou with an uncharacteristically accusatory glance.
"Why did you follow me?" she asked softly. "You did, didn't you? You must have done. Nobody would have told you where to find me, so you must have followed me here."
"I was worried about you." Juushirou's heart lurched at the suspicion in her grey eyes. "Souryou-kun said he saw you leaving the grounds and with things as they are, I thought you might be in trouble. I came to bring you back - I wanted to make sure you were all right. That's all."
"You wanted to protect me?"
"Yes," Juushirou nodded. "Is that such a strange thing to do?"
"This is nothing to do with you," Mitsuki sighed, turning to glance at Shirogane, who's brows furrowed in consternation. "You really shouldn't have come here - it's all the more complicated now that you have."
"But since I am here, you might as well tell me." Juushirou's gaze flitted to Shirogane, unable to quell the flare of irrational jealousy that licked up inside of him at her words. The casual tone she had used with the intruder moments earlier had gone, and he could sense the tension and the reluctance to speak to him in the young healer's frame, both of which only added to his own sense of unease. "Why is Nagoya-senpai here? I thought people were looking for him all over Seireitei."
"They are," Shirogane spoke for himself now, letting out a sigh as he dropped down beneath a tree. "The less people who know I'm here the better, Ukitake. It's a complicated situation and nobody wanted you to stumble into it. You have a bad habit of butting in and giving your opinion, so far as I remember - but you would've done better not to have followed Mitsuki this time round."
"He won't tell anyone, Senpai. I won't let him tell anyone," Mitsuki said quickly, and Shirogane shrugged, spreading his hands.
"What's done is done," he said simply. "It's my fault. I left the cave and I shouldn't have. If I hadn't, probably Ukitake would only have found you - this is my lapse in judgement, not your fault at all."
"But it's me he followed," Mitsuki looked troubled, "and my reiatsu he traced here."
Her gaze flitted back to Juushirou, whose thoughts and emotions were swirling and dancing so much inside of him that for a moment he really didn't know how to respond to what he was hearing.
"Juushirou, you won't tell anyone about this, will you?" Mitsuki's voice was soft. "Senpai has nowhere else to go. You...wanted him to be safe too, didn't you? Well, here he is. People are trying to hurt him, but he didn't do anything wrong. Ryuu and I really believe that, so..."
"Does Ryuu know that he's here, too?" Juushirou asked flatly, and Mitsuki reddened, shaking her head.
"No. Not at the moment," she admitted. "I thought about it, but Ryuu has his own things to worry about, and it might be bad if he knew..."
"Yet you said you'd been here almost four weeks." Juushirou fixed his gaze on his former shishou now, surprising himself by the amount of resentment that flared up inside of him. "All that time you've been depending on Mitsuki – and Mitsuki, you've just let him?"
What's wrong with me? This person tutored me. I respect him. Admire him. Of course I'm glad he's safe. I believe in his innocence too. But that he's here...here with Mitsuki...alone. Even Ryuu doesn't know about it. Mitsuki's been secretly taking care of him alone for the past four weeks - risking everything including arrest by doing so. Why does that bother me so much? She's his kinswoman, so it's only natural...but...
"Ukitake, I'm not going to bring Mitsuki into danger," Shirogane said frankly. "I have Ginkyoujiki with me and even though I'm tired, I'm still able to use it. As an outlaw I've already used my zanpakutou once to protect someone from being eaten by a Hollow and I'm more than happy to release my sword again to protect someone who's working to protect me. At the moment, all I can do is lie low and wait for some sign that it's all right. But if I was to be attacked, I wouldn't bring Mitsuki into it. You shouldn't worry about your classmate - she'll be quite safe."
Juushirou's eyes widened at these words, each of them resonating through him one by one as he absorbed the uncharacteristic expression that crossed the shinigami's proud features.
Does Nagoya-senpai have feelings for Mitsuki? Was Shikibu-san right about this all along? And what about Mitsuki - if you spend four weeks protecting someone who's wanted by important people even from close kinsfolk like Ryuu, what does that mean? Is there more between the two of them than I thought? Maybe Mitsuki hasn't been able to talk to me about it because it's that delicate. Maybe because she doesn't know how to. She's been secretive and distant from me in part since she came back from District Six, and he was in District Six, too, then. Now...since the summer break, it's been worse. Four weeks or so ago would mean that it was summer break when he first arrived here. Mitsuki's been sneaking out to help Senpai in secret since then. And that means...
"Juushirou?"
Mitsuki frowned, taking a step towards him and reaching out a hand to touch his shoulder, but Juushirou's emotions were unstable and before he knew what he was doing he had knocked her arm away, anger glittering in his hazel eyes.
"I understand," he said quietly, his tones low as though struggling to keep his feelings in check. "I won't tell anyone your little secret, Mitsuki. And seeing as you're apparently not in danger of any kind, I suppose I'll go back to school now. Obviously I'm not needed around here."
He turned on his heel, stalking purposefully through the trees and back towards the mountain path, but all the time pain and confusion rippled through his young heart. He was angry, but he couldn't place exactly why. He was frightened, but of what, he wasn't sure. And he was unhappy...enough to bring tears to his eyes if he stopped and allowed them - but he didn't understand how such a short, sharp exchange of words could make him feel so wretched.
"Juushirou!"
Mitsuki's voice and the sound of footsteps behind him almost made him pause, but the next second he thought better of it, continuing to trudge grimly forward without turning to look at her or acknowledge her presence at all. The next minute he felt a hand on his arm, and he raised an empty gaze to hers, realising she'd used shunpo to catch up with him and that whatever she wanted to say, she was not going to leave him be until she had said it.
More than anything right then Juushirou wanted her to go away.
"What?" he asked softly. "I said it already. I won't tell anyone your secret. It's none of my business, is it? I'm just a District boy with a dodgy family ancestry. It's not for me to be involved in important Clan matters like this."
"Juushirou, stop it!" Mitsuki was frustrated. "I can tell, you know, that you're upset. It's cascading over me in waves and I don't like it. Whatever's bothering you, say it. Nothing can come of it if you don't."
"There isn't very much to say, is there?" Juushirou's eyes narrowed. "You've kept a secret for four weeks and it's a pretty big secret. I've butted into it and I don't belong there. So I'm sorry. And I'll go back. And we won't speak of it again."
"Juushirou…" Mitsuki groaned, rubbing her temples. "I hate it when you get like this. It doesn't make any sense at all, and feeling all those vibes coming from you is enough to give me a migraine."
"Then leave me alone and go back to your waif and stray." The words were harsher than Juushirou had intended, but Mitsuki reeled back, shock in her grey eyes.
"Juushirou, are you jealous of Senpai?"
"Jealous?" Juushirou snorted. "What do I have to be jealous of? I'm only your friend. Your classmate, as he put it. That's all. Classmates and friends don't have the right to things like jealousy."
"You are. You're jealous, just like Sora..." Mitsuki's brows knitted together in frustration. "I didn't see it coming. I really didn't think you were as petty or as immature as that, Juushirou. I thought that you of all people would understand why I have to help Senpai right now. He has nowhere to go. Nobody else to support him. His life's been threatened more than once and people he cares about are doubting him. I can't turn my back on him - you wouldn't either, would you? I thought of all people you would understand why this is important to me. I never thought that you..."
"How could I understand?" Juushirou snapped back. "You didn't tell me anything about it!"
"It wasn't exactly something I could talk about!" Mitsuki protested. "It would have brought you into danger, and..."
"Did I ask you to protect me?"
"No, but then you came here to protect me, and I didn't ask you to do that, either!" Mitsuki was getting upset herself now, and the sign of tears on the girl's lashes only added to the distress in Juushirou's own heart. "I've told you before, I have to follow my own path. As a healer, this is part of that. Senpai is someone I trust and he needs me. And because of that..."
"I don't understand. Fine. I get it already. I'm sorry I bothered you."
Juushirou made to turn back towards the school, but Mitsuki did not release her grip on his arm.
"You don't understand anything," she said wearily. "Sora says boys are stupid when it comes to girls and I guess she was right. But Juushirou, I thought you'd at least trust me. I assumed that you knew..."
"Just being friends doesn't require you to explain your actions to me, does it?" Juushirou cut across her. "It doesn't require you to tell me if something might be going on behind the scenes - something like your family and his arranging a match between you, or you going back to District Six after graduation, instead of going on to District Four?"
"Naoko." Mitsuki's eyes suddenly hardened, and Juushirou's breath caught in his throat at the anger in her expression. "She did talk to you, didn't she? I had a feeling she had, but you wouldn't admit it, and I didn't...but I thought you had lied to me and I was right. Whatever she said to you you've been brooding on alone, haven't you? You idiot, why didn't you just come to me and ask me outright? I would've told you, and then..."
"I didn't want to hear the answer," Juushirou said quietly, aware that tears were welling up in his own eyes, "because I know that you and I can't ever...there isn't a future for us beyond friendship. And I told you a long time ago that I wouldn't stop you if...something else came along. If it has...then I...have no right to interfere. If that person is Nagoya-senpai, then even so. This isn't my business, Mitsuki. And I won't hold you back."
"Juushirou!"
With that he slipped into shunpo, aware of her calling his name as he darted through the streams of light back to the main school building. Even before he had reached the nest, tears blinded his vision and he was glad that there was nobody else to see him as he flopped down on his bed, allowing his emotions to take full hold of his body.
Mitsuki.
In those few words, Juushirou's fears had become reality.
We have no future. We're only friends. But you could have a future with him, and it was clear from seeing you two together, even for a brief moment. This isn't just Shikibu-san's fancy. There is more between you than I thought, especially from Nagoya-senpai's side. Shunsui said it too - that a Clan could arrange a marriage behind the scenes, but it doesn't look as though...Mitsuki would be unhappy if that was the result.
He screwed up his eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling.
If I care about her, sooner or later I have to let her go. If this is that time, somehow I have to bear with it. But I have no idea how. I didn't know it could hurt this much, having a broken heart. I didn't realise admitting this would make me feel so bad. Just friends truly isn't enough...but it's all I have to offer her. And maybe in the end...it won't even result in that. Maybe I've lost Mitsuki in all respects...and should give up on her for good.
"Are you all right?"
As Mitsuki trudged slowly back across the grass towards where her patient was huddled beneath the spreading branches of an elm tree, the young shinigami raised his voice, fixing her with concerned grey eyes.
She did not answer, merely sinking down beside him with a sigh, and Shirogane frowned, turning to take in her demeanour carefully. A glint of the moon's light against her skin told him that tears were trickling silently down her cheeks, and something inside of him clenched as he watched her lift a heavy arm, wiping them away with heavy resignation.
"Mitsuki?" he murmured, and the healer hesitated for a moment before turning to face him, a faint smile on her lips.
"I'm all right," she said quietly. "You needn't worry. He won't tell anyone, Senpai. He gave his word."
"That's not what I'm asking." Shirogane's eyes became slits and he reached out a hand to touch her arm, damp hair slipping down over his shoulder as he did so. "He made you cry with what he said, didn't he? My stupid deshi said something that hurt you."
"Yes," Mitsuki admitted, leaning back against the tree and raising her gaze to the stars, "but he was hurting too."
"As his shishou, I ought to take Ginkyoujiki and carve holes into him until he repents."
"No…" Mitsuki shook her head. "Really, it's not something you need to worry about. You have enough on your plate - and you shouldn't be concerning yourself with..."
"You're in love with him."
Shirogane's words were soft, but they seemed to tear right through his young companion, for she flinched as if stung. He nodded.
"I thought so. When he appeared...the way he looked at you and then at me..."
He sighed, rubbing his hands against his temples as he tried to process this.
"He looked at me as though I'd somehow encroached on something that didn't belong to me. In all the time I trained him...I never saw him give me that look. It was the look of someone who felt that something of theirs was threatened - and that I'd crossed a line I shouldn't have crossed. When I called you his classmate, too...it was as though he took that as a personal insult. An innocent word, and yet it became loaded..."
He glanced down at his body.
"I'm half-dressed and hiding in the forest, so perhaps I can understand his reasons. But I had no idea...I didn't know you and he were..."
"We're not. We're just friends." Mitsuki's words were firm and frank, but Shirogane could tell that they were not entirely honest.
"Maybe you are," he acknowledged. "Clan and District - nothing else would be appropriate. But that's not how you feel, is it? A friend wouldn't have reacted like that - and I can tell you want to cry, even though you're making yourself hold back. If you're worried I'll tell someone, there's nobody currently in the Clan who'd listen to me, so don't lie to me, Mitsuki. You're my ally, are you not? At least tell me the truth when I ask you a question."
"You didn't ask me anything, not really," Mitsuki sent him a hopeless look, "and it's not a question I need to answer. Juushirou and I don't have a future. He put it into words himself just now, and that's why I'm upset. Like you said, Clan and District..."
"But he is still dear to you, isn't he?" Shirogane said thoughtfully. Mitsuki nodded.
"He's a part of me," she said miserably. "He has been since we first met, and that's all I know. What Juushirou is to me, and what part he plays in my life is difficult to define. I know I love him, but I know that loving him is also not allowed. If I gave in to that and was selfish, I might destroy everything he's worked for as well as put an end to any dreams of my own. So we continue in this limbo called friendship. We always both said it was enough."
She ran her fingers through her thick dark hair.
"Just then, though, I saw something I thought I'd never see in his eyes," she said bleakly. "Even though friendship is what we both settled for, I realised how difficult that's going to become. I'm your ally, just as you said. I won't abandon you - no matter what happens, I've made my decision and I'll stand by you whatever comes. But that may mean losing Juushirou, because he doesn't understand the connection you and I have, just like he doesn't understand the bond I have with him."
"Perhaps you could explain that connection to me, too," Shirogane admitted. "I realise there are things a healer can see that the rest of us cannot, but perhaps it's not so clear to other people."
"It's hard to give words to," Mitsuki groaned. "Sora asked me the same - why I was so keen to put myself at risk for you, and she even warned me Juushirou would be jealous. But that doesn't matter. As a healer, this is the right thing for me to do. That's all I know. I can't do anything else."
"Because you and I are connected?" Shirogane asked lightly. Mitsuki nodded.
"Ever since I saved your life, that's been the case," she agreed. "Ever since that night I sat by your bedside and held your hand when you were afraid."
Shirogane reddened, embarrassment flickering in his grey eyes, and despite herself, Mitsuki laughed.
"You shouldn't look like that. You couldn't help it," she scolded him lightly. "It was the drug. It put your guard down...and I couldn't leave you to battle it alone."
"Alone," Shirogane echoed the word, pursing his lips. "A state of being I have often chosen, yet I appreciate that I am not currently alone. Perhaps I feel it too - this connection we share."
"Juushirou thinks that you and I are going to get married when this is all over, though, thanks to a classmate of mine putting ideas into his overly naive head," Mitsuki groaned, "and Juushirou being Juushirou, he's being annoying and saying that if that will make me happy..."
"But it wouldn't, would it?" Shirogane's eyes bored into Mitsuki's face, watching for every flicker of her expression, and Mitsuki sighed.
"It would make nobody happy. Not me, and not the person I married," she said pragmatically. "My calling is elsewhere. Even if I married Juushirou, I don't think it would be the perfect solution. I'm a healer. I have a vocation and I have to follow that vocation. I can't be useless in this world now that I understand my reason for being here. So no, Senpai. It wouldn't make me happy. But that isn't because it would be you. It's because...of me."
"You don't need to protect my feelings," Shirogane offered her a rueful smile, "since I've no inclination for marriage myself at present, and certainly nobody has approached me with any idea of making a match of any kind, let alone one in your direction. Perhaps it's Ukitake you need to convey those thoughts to, not me."
"Somehow talking to you is easier at the moment," Mitsuki admitted, "because you understand how Clans are, maybe. I don't know. I think if we talked now, I might get cross with him again."
"Because he became jealous?"
"No," Mitsuki looked sheepish, "not that."
"Then?"
"He didn't fight back," Mitsuki bit her lip, a half-ashamed look in her grey eyes. "He shouted at me, and it was obvious how he felt, but the last thing he said was that he had no right to interfere and that if it made me happy...he'd let me go. I don't...I can't...even if there's no future for us, that isn't..."
"You want him to fight for your honour?" Shirogane let out a low whistle, shooting her a sidelong glance. "You have a romantic streak - who would have thought it? A girl who wades up to her ankles in blood to put together a broken body has ideas of her knight rushing in to claim her hand, vanquishing all opposition to take her for his own."
Mitsuki flushed scarlet.
"I know," she whispered, "but Okaasama...always told me that love was something unexpected and special. Something precious. She said that I should make my own choices regarding it, and should...should only accept it when the hand reaching out to me was worthy of my affection. If he doesn't believe he is...even if it's impossible...how can I believe it?"
"Young idiots, the pair of you," Shirogane sighed, sinking back against the tree with a look of resignation in his expression. "I'm almost glad that when my turn comes to marry - providing I am not impaled on the end of a Clan sword before that time arrives - it will be with the convenience of family arrangement, not with the impulses of passion to drive it. I would find it tiresome to have to fight for the heart of a maiden."
He shot her a smile, but his eyes were sad.
"Ukitake shouldn't trouble himself about me, in any case," he said frankly. "Even if I was so recklessly inclined, I would have no interest in fighting for a woman whose heart was already in another's care. I am not someone who accepts second place with equanimity."
"No...I suppose that's true," Mitsuki acknowledged with a grin. "That's probably why I feel better talking to you. There isn't that holding me back."
She got to her feet, stretching her hands over her head.
"I should head back," she added, "and so should you. You do still have a fever, and if you keep being careless..."
"I know. I understand." Shirogane nodded. "I'll be careful. You do so too. If you were caught by Ukitake tonight, someone else could catch you just as easily if you don't return quickly. Go and don't worry. I will be all right."
"Okay." Mitsuki pursed her lips, then nodded. "Thank you for listening to me babble, Senpai."
"You can repay me by never speaking to anyone of that night I was afflicted by poison," Shirogane said wryly. Mitsuki gave him another grin, then disappeared into the trees, and Shirogane was once more alone beneath the heavy branches.
Alone.
He pulled himself carefully to his feet, dusting his body down.
What I said to Mitsuki was the truth. I would never settle for second place, but I didn't expect to be so troubled that someone else had already secured first. Ukitake, of all people...
He shook his head as if to clear it.
I had no plans to marry or court Mitsuki when I left home, and a few months ago I barely knew who she was. I am currently dependent on her kindness and that is all. There's nothing more to trouble me than that. I will return to my cave and I will sleep. At present my only concern is to be fit and alert for whatever the morrow brings.