Hi folks and thanks for clicking. Even more thanks if you reach the bottom of the page ;). I hope you'll have some of the fun I had writing it. So what is to be expected? Slippery Humor, Shenanigans, lots of Schadenfreude and the occasional lemon. NSFW and definitely not for children ;) . Enjoy
He still could hardly believe it as he stared in the mirror of the perfectly still water. The heavy dark gauntlets with silver ornaments carefully touched the fully enclosing helm. Like the rest of the exquisitely wrought plate armor it had been adorned with silver decorations but here they formed not thorny ranks but a circlet of sharp edged roses. An elegant but not pompous polished long sword lay to his right in the grass. On the other side was a shield formed from two circle halves with one being slightly smaller. Its edge was decorated with inward facing thorns and in its center rested a silver rose that sprouted from a single to the center growing tendril. There was no doubt it was Sir Don Idmee looking back, Knight of the Rose and holder of the first seat of the [Feudal Lords]-Guild.
He tore the helm from his head and leaned down to the water. Wide open, ice blue eyes inspected from under low and thick brows the long and straight nose with the charming bump near the base and the high and prominent cheekbones. The pearl white, perfect tooth contrasted sharply with the pitch black magnum moustache that naturally fit the wide jaw and chin and his thick black hair had a single silver streak reach from the left of his forehead all the way to his hair's base. It was a finest male specimen of about 30 – 40 years age that looked back with a shocked expression.
Don Idmee had felt his hairs brush against the inside of his helm and had smelled his own breath. Neither of which should have been possible in the Dive-in Mass-Multiplayer Roleplaying Game Yggdrasil. The simulated avatars, virtual bodies the players controlled like their natural ones, were restricted in their sensual feedback. Touch was limited as was pain and there was no sense of smell of any kind. Most alarmingly was the lack of facial animations while he now clearly looked distraught as his fingers explored every corner of his face and realized he could feel the coldness and smooth surface of the metal shielding them.
The first explanation popping up in his head was this had to have been a massive upgrade. Yggdrasil had been over 12 years old and been declining in user numbers so maybe this was a stunt to re-vitalize it. But it made no sense. He had spent almost all his spare time in or for the game and never heard even a rumor of an update especially such an extensive one. The simulation was so perfect he could no more tell a difference to reality, even his avatar crossed seamlessly the uncanny valley. How and why would the shitty developers have kept this to themselves?
In fact Yaggdrasil had been supposed to shut down this very night. He had taken one of his few day offs to stay in the empty holdings of his guild. The Feudal Lords had been once one of the names known across all of the giant server of Yggdrasil. The requirement for joining had been to possess heavy level investments in knight theme classes to fit with the game. They did not care which one of the the over 700 available races of Yggdrasil you played or if your Karma-Moral-Level was down to abyss or up in the sky as long as you stuck to a knight theme and proved loyal to the guild.
When every one played a knight every one wanted to play their knight so the guild members made great use Yggdrasils thousands of classes and sheer endless customization options to create memorable characters. His buddy JMAYtheCRACKhit had used the 100 level slots of his maxed character to create a spindly scarecrow with thin, badly handled plate armor, a wagon wheel for a shield and a scythes blade for a sword while insaNI created a priest-warrior-mage hybrid out of a three-headed ettin. He had sacrificed powerful specialization to become an all-rounding wildcard. InsaNI managed to pull off this usually less effective build by use of his formidable knowledge of the game and preparation of counter measures. He was so good that he never broke his role playing tick of spamming the word 'Ni' while embarrassing pro-players.
They had both been with him when they founded the guild in Yggdrasils second year but they did not log in today. At the height of its power the Feudal Lords had 69 members. Everyone apart from the founders had to prove worthy in lengthy apprenticeships they not only had the skills but also the mental maturity and loyalty to adhere to the guild rules before being selected as a member. Being a member of the Feudal Lords demanded total commitment and they applied guild rules without exception when someone did not meet that standard and cast him out. It made the guild strong in its high-days and accelerated its decline when its dawn advanced. As real life caught up with the members they had to leave. It was rarely in anger but still Don Idmee remained as the last and only Feudal Lord to defend their holds.
Having no other passion in his life and friends to speak of he had held onto to this only reminder of a time he truly felt happy. Without allies the times when they would hunt the hardest bosses or [World Items] were over and he grinded only to keep the defenses of the guild holds running for they cost gold every day they were active.
The Feudal Lords did not have one large dungeon as a base like most guilds did but held a chain of hills and groves with mini-dungeons – rather houses – for each guild member. While each single one was easy prey for an invading guild they could be coordinated and their defenses and npc guards moved to allied holds making for a highly adaptable and effective defense when guided by a human mind.
He had sat before his own estate and pondered the past in those last moments while he had been staring at the pure water of the moat around it. No one of his old comrades had logged in or contacted him on this last day and he wondered if he was really the only one the guild had mattered so much to. But the others had also committed once to it, they had to have felt the same connection. Had they really found something in terrible gray reality that could have compared to the bond they had?
Don Idmee had not. He had been a lonely store clerk, a nobody, one of many profiles in a faceless sea and just as he as a person had been invisible he had become blind to them. After the early loss of his family he never built there a new meaningful relationship. He had given up on finding love and went on from day to day in a get-it-done-already attitude to life. With the prospect of Yggdrasil finally dying dark thoughts had been starting worming through his brain.
But now it seemed like he had truly become his avatar. All his senses, his sensation of self told him he was who he saw in the water.
Then he noticed that the water of the moat did not fell from the floating islands circular edge in a great lake 20 meters below but just a forest pond barely a hundred meters across that sourced a thin stream quickly lost under the endless sea of treetops around him. He had been wondering if all of Yggdrasil had turned alive but the forest looked nothing like the well kept holds of the Feudal Lords. It was a truly wild, untouched jungle.
He turned around and confirmed that at least his floating estate had come with him and he did not end up as a homeless. The three story building with ivy climbing up it walls it had over 400 squaremeters of living space even without the cellar. Smoke coming from the chimney promised a warm welcome and now he noticed the sinfully enticing smell of fresh bakery coming from the slightly open kitchen window that bid him to come in.
"...left, right, left, right, left, right…" Heard Don Idmee a high and nasal voice and the noise of clinking armor nearing from around corner before he saw the first of two miss-matched armored boots appear. An ugly, dwarfish creature stepped into view. Pot-bellied but with wiry limbs, clad in greenish brown skin and with two tiny horns between to large pointed ears on its bald toad head with large, slit eyes it was pitiful sight. The shoddy armor of collected scraps of plate, chain mail and leather only added to the impression and even the rusty spear and moldering roundshield failed to impress at least some danger or respect.
It stopped its stiff marsh when it noticed him watching it and snapped to a salute shouting with all its might. "Sir, nothing to report. Sir. The estates grounds are safe as always, Sir!"
"You can talk!" exclaimed he without meaning to for he in his mind he was asking 'You can talk?' but he was freaked out. For petes sake, how was he supposed to react? Snot, that was its name, was not supposed to talk. Snot was the npc-guard of his home. He was not supposed to talk on his own. He was not supposed to talk at all. He did not even have voice lines in Yggdrasil like all custom npcs Players created.
Snot crumbled obviously under his 'accusation' like he was about to sink into the earth or just flee. Don Idmee saw him swallowing a large lump down its wide, but short throat before he timidly spoke. "I do. I think so? I mean- Sir, I do, Sir!"
Snot spoke indeed and even reacted naturally to him like a real living being and although he was a long shot from being a toad expert he swore the emotions he saw play out on the ugly dwarf's face were real and ironically all too human. He could have sworn he saw them, hell, he still saw Snot blink nervously at him and wait in trepidation for his answer.
His mind raced fruitlessly as he searched for a satisfying explanation how not only he had turned into his avatar but also how his npc could come to life and gain consciousness. Even when discarding the why left the matter of so many details that had to be filled to create a truly whole being. Where did Snot learn to speak? Where did he learn the words? How did a formerly static model suddenly know how to form an expression of fear? Or how to swallow something while 5 minutes ago it did not even have a digestive track? Why did Snot smell of dirt, rust and mud? There was no mud on him and the dirt and rust had only been textures on some odd polygons on its model. What insane mind made the connection and said 'Hey, it looks like dirt so it should smell like dirt.'?
"Sir, are you alright, Sir?" Snot had awkwardly sneaked closer while he was in thought. His piss-yellow eyes looked up with worry to him like the worlds ugliest puppy. Even despite the mad situation and countless newly popping up question Don Idmee broke out of his confusion and took pity on the creature.
"No, Yes, but it's not your fault. I was only startled. We never spoke before, did we?" He tried to sound as calm and collected as he definitely did not feel. He still had no idea what was going on but he reasoned alienating the first living person he met would not be evaluated as wise. For one he needed as much intel as he could get hold of and Snot not seeming aware of any change made him a good bet he could provide at minimum something useful. For Two he had no idea if he was truly as obedient to him as he acted. In Yggdrasil Snot's loyalty to him had been absolute. Don Idmee had created him himself and selected him to be his home's and spawn point's guard. Outside of rare mind control magic he would have followed his every command to the death but this was obviously no longer Yggdrasil which brought him to number three. Which and how many of Yggdrasil's rule did still apply?
Don Idmee had a strong inclination that at least his stats transferred with his mind. His body felt amazing, more healthy and stronger than he ever felt before like he had been wearing steel bands around his heart, lung and mind for all his life that just barely let him live and now they were suddenly gone and his muscles warming up with every second to literally tear out trees.
But what about his other abilities? Could he still access his skills and inventory? His HUD was gone and he saw no way to access the menu or contact an admin. But maybe if he could access his items….
"Sir, no, we don't. Sir." squeaked Snot with the expression of a happy dog. "Sir, this is a great honor for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I didn't dare hope this day would ever come but here it is!" Before Don Idmee could speak one syllable of protest Snot latched onto his hip in a strong bear hug proving he too retained his strong physical stats and squealed. "This is the happiest day of my life, I swear! I must the most blessed squire in the whole world!"
He recalled how he wrote some none-sense into Snots background sheet almost a decade ago. Pale memories welled up that told of fanatical obsession and adherence to every word of Snot's master and knight teacher; him; how he had picked him up as stray infant and molded him into a fearsome warrior- for a [Toadie]. He could no longer summon all the details but enough to finally pry off Snot with the confidence he could trust his npc. If those information had also turned real he would able to entrust him with his life and sleep well.
"Maybe." Said Don Idmee as he pointedly sat Snot a meter away from him down. "But you should still remember that you are trying to become a true knight. A knight always keeps his dignity." He had no idea if that ever was true or applied to knights in this world if there even were knights but Snot listened and dutifully nodded all the same with total attention. Unblinkingly he waited for him to continue. "Anyway we should stay our lessons at a wholesome pace so you won't miss any crucial detail. Wouldn't do if you failed the exam because we rushed your education."
"There's an exam?" asked Snot uncertainly and Don Idmee realized he had made a mistake and hastily tried to remedy.
"Oh, ehm, yes, but only for the good squires."
"The good squires…" cast down Snot his eyes and tasted the words on his toad tongue. "...only…. The good squires…" before jerking them up again and saluting. "I will be a good squire! Sir, Yes, I will!"
The sudden intensity in the formerly succulent creature's eyes was nerve wracking and Don Idmee almost jumped when Snot clicked his heels with another salute and went on patrolling around the house always reciting his mantra. "...left, right, left, right, left, right…"
He canceled his wide apart proud pose when Snot finally vanished behind the estate's corner and sighed in relief this situation played out so luckily. The whole status was just insane and so it wouldn't have been out of question a mad god had decided to sic his own servant on him.
But said servant would return in just a moment. He had no time to waste and pondered his skills and inventory. He decided to focus on something simple, one of his earlier earned skills he had made use of all the time: [Retrieve Arms], a basic ability with negligible cool-down that returned a warrior's equipped weapon to his hand should he lose it. [Zorn], his sword, still lay in the grass. It was the weapon he had equipped in Yggdrasil's last moment and for most of his career as guild master. His gut made him doubt there were still equipment slots applying to him but still he felt ten rings on his fingers and as he focused on them he discovered a natural feeling of oneness to them emerge. His instincts told him of their abilities, their cool-down timers and charges and he knew deep down they only waited patiently to unleash them on his first desire to. With the same certainty his arm reached out for the Zorn and it jumped at once at perfect angle in to his hand.
For the first time he truly held the sword that earned him his honor. Now in this fantastic new, real feeling body the blade was feather light as if it had been made from hollow plastics and yet he knew at the same time a human would never have been able to lift it on his own alone yet alone swing it.
He lowered Zorn to the ground and he did not even feel resistance when it cut into it till it pointed straight the worlds core. [Sharpness] had been a property of weapons in Yggdrasil and added bonus damage for any that passed past the victims armor. A deadly and very useful quality in the game but witnessing it in life was altogether chilling. Such a weapon could be used as a quill to write on rock as fast as any scholar on paper. Like all of the gear he wore it had been of the best possible quality for custom made items; [Divine]. It had been forged to fit perfectly to his character build and he quested for months with the support of his guild to collect the finest and most rare materials and items used in its creation. Even a casual player had he been able to wield it would have become a threat with it.
He gave it a few test swings before he felt confident enough in its balance and tried his hand on a few tricks. He threw it between his hands, he impaled, beheaded, bisected and quartered imaginary opponents, let it spin in his hand and the air along all three axis and smoothly continued to combine as varied and acrobaticas possible maneuvers as he could think of and did each and every one perfectly. Snot passed himagain with an obedient salute when he was finally satisfied and secured it on his hip in his elegant scabbard of black leather and silver reinforcements.
[Crown of Thorns], his shield jumped also to him and had to serve its time as toy. He concentrated on the [Inventory], a skill all players were able to use ad infinitum to securely store their possession in a virtual place safe for one randomly chosen item out of all that would be dropped on a player's death. He was deeply relieved when his mind filled with detailed information of all his items he had stored there during the game. He was instinctively aware of each and every piece and details popped to his awareness like they had just been waiting on his tongue when he focused on a specific piece. Crown of Thorns dropped through a pitch black cloud into this very space and Don Idmee felt his face stretch as a wide smile forced its way on it. His flight checkup had nothing to report. He was ready for this adventure whatever it might include for he had every tool at hand he knew he was very, very good with.
"Be aware world! Here I come!" shouted he to the forest. A few birds rose from their twigs but that was all the care the forest mustered for his challenge. He did not mind. He became aware again of the delicious smell coming from the kitchen and reasoned he should also inspect the house. He should test at least if the furniture stayed props or also gained functionality. But in truth he was just giddy at the thought of suddenly having a giant luxurious home all for himself instead of a small concrete cell he lived most of his life in.
Don Idmee walked under the small roof over the entrance and spied inside through the small, iron bars secured window. The marble floor entrance hall with its show gallery and stairs was empty apart from the huge paintings hanging on the brick walls and one lonely bust of a bearded man that was supposed to represent the roman legionary Artorius the supposedly historical inspiration for the King Arthur legend. He turned the handle and pushed in the heavy door that felt so light to him.
The temperature of the air inside was cozily warm without being too hot even in his armor and the mouth watering smell was even stronger. He detected notes of cinnamon, butter and a lot of caramelized sugar and simply had no other choice but to turn left and head for the kitchen. Even his usual ritual when entering his home of rubbing the busts helm happened only as a hasty afterthought.
He entered the kitchen and hungrily looked around for the delicacy. The room was wide and reached all the way to the other side of the house where behind floor touching windows a patio waited. Before the windows was a small table with four chairs and a double door leading to the ceremony and dinner room. The front half was dominated by a central hearth and co-joined working plate and store while the walls were taken up by cupboards for storage of food and tools. Plants in small and large pots where spread all over the room and added a homely note but most importantly was the steaming cookie sheet waiting on the top of the hearth.
An ocean of saliva filled his mouth at the sight of bakery waiting on it and he picked up one piece , each about as large as a flat hand. It had neither the classic cookie form or dough and its thick swirls gave the impression of a compressed harmonica. All of the rust colored browning glistened with golden sugar crystals. He had rarely eaten real food in his life for it had been prohibitive expensive and he had to make do like most of humanity with nutrient pasts and vitamin pills but now he held such a luxury in his hand and it already smelled infinitely better than everything he had before. Best of all there was a whole sheet waiting for him!
It was brittle and just the right way filling and tough when he bit into it and the warmth and moister of his tongue easily bled cinnamon flavored butter nectar from the small piece that caressed his whole mouth like an experienced lover. He chewed what felt like forever on this one bite for he just could not bring himself to swallow it and end this orgiastic pleasure. He felt a tear run down his cheek when he exclaimed in deepest appreciation. "If there is a god I just saw her face." He looked down on the bakery both his hands now held and leaned down with lust filled anticipation for another exquisite bite.
"I can't believe it! You are eating my cinnamon rolls! After so many years!" exclaimed a shocked yet still sultry woman's throat that possessed an inseparable personal note of playfulness and wile.
He looked up from the dropped dust wig in the door frame to the entrance hall to a baffled maid. A maid in a sexy black and white uniform with a plushy but short skirt that left everything and nothing to imagination. A maid with thigh high white stockings on strong yet shapely legs that seemed to stretch on forever from the small black high heels. A maid with two peaches the size of grapefruits that waited to be plucked from the basket of her revealing cleavages. A maid with the mysterious grey eyes of a seductress, the nose of an aristocrat and the sensual lips of a whore. A maid with long rich brunette hair and the speechless yet gorgeous all the same face of a goddess.
He took a hasty bite for he knew this would turn complicated with certainty and mumbled between chewing. "Hello, darling."
She stared at him with stunned eyes and he could not blame her. It was an inbred response but she was not just woman of beauty that could incite whole epics – she was his guilty boy fantasy come to life and confronting him, demanding with her very presence answers to questions he asked himself – 'Isn't it quite pathetic to have spent half a month's earning for a pro to create a customized wank fantasy?" And isn't it sad to have made her your wife in her character background? How horny, lonely and isolated must a man be to detail so of many of her preferences in bed, her personality's characteristics and her specialties to turn his base guarding npc instead in his nerdy mary sue?'
'And isn't this awesome?'
Frankly, his feelings were mixed For safety he grabbed three more bakery pieces when she tip toed like in dream over to him; who knew how this would play out and he wanted for the worst case at least a consolation. She stopped barely half a step away from him and looked him up and down like a manifested miracle, almost tempting him to say 'Be not afraid.'. Tears welled up under her long lashes and she reached reverently for his face to cup it as gently as a newborn. She prayed in a whisper. "Say that again."
"Hello or Darling? Or do you mean the whole sentence?"
Her eyes figuratively lit up like tiny stars and a toothy smile spread over her lips while she whispered. "You talked to me. 8 years of silence and today you finally talked to me! I had almost given up hope and accepted it as the price for saving me from oblivion, but…" - One of her hands reached for his behind head. - "today is different. Please promise this isn't a dream I will wake up from again! I could not bear it!"
"No, you are just as awake as I" said Don Idmee and convinced himself it was the whole truth even if all still turned out indeed as a vivid dream of his.
He was sure she was about to yeep but she held onto herself and asked seriously, more to herself than him. "You say that but this could also be a dream." He felt the grip on his head harden and the caress turned without the slightest movement into a vice grip . "I am sorry, honey, but I need to test you for the sake of my sanity. Excuse my selfishness."
"Ehm." wasn't what he wanted to say but he had nothing better at hand when he had first contact with a npc with a world crisis that happened to be a manifestation of many very private thoughts.
"'Ehm''s doing a bad job of convincing me, honey. But keep trying." padded she his cheek with equal amounts of pity and threat. "I need something my own mind could never come up with, an information only you could have, something I was explicitly not to know.." Her frown lit up with an epiphany.
"What?"
"That's better, but still not good enough, honey. I have an idea for a question. I remind you this is for the sake of my and your safety, if you are indeed Don Idmee.
"I think so. I am." answered he truthfully because she was building up to the weirdest captcha question he could have ever imagined but he of all people should have been the most understanding for her predicament.
"Your articulation is getting even better. Oh, this could be bad. It could be a sign of a powerful curse hitting stride." Knitted she her brows in worry and begged with hunted eyes. "Honey, I can give this test only one shot before I have to cast powerful dispelling magic on the chance this is a malign effect at work so answer the next question without hesitation and thinking!"
"Okay-"
"What's the combination for the treasury?!"
"6, 4, 11 - wait a minute!" hit he the brakes before he could tell her the remaining 4 numbers and took a step back out of her reach. "Is this a scam for my bank account?" She rolled her eyes, confirming to his total outrage he caught her indeed. "The whole act, the tears, the pleading, the outrage that should be mine, they were all just a trick to get at my money!"
"That's not true. Well, most is but just most." objected she totally unconcerned and stole one of his cinnamon rolls because he was too angry and shocked to move a muscle. She nipped relaxed at it while he crushed his and remarked. "The tears and the drama? Yes but I am indeed deeply grateful that whatever effect had gripped you finally ended because I was at the end of my abilities and ideas."
"You don't say." seethed he still at loss how he should act about her unabashed audacity.
"Yes exactly" pointed she out. "You never heard anything I said! I couldn't touch you and I couldn't cast one spell on you you didn't tell me to! You know how frustrating that is when there is no end in sight?"
"I can relate." emphasized he. "And how can you remain so calm about it? Shouldn't you be at least a little bit affected by such a life changing event?"
"Oh I am." He didn't believe one letter. "Hey, I've been saved from the blink of oblivion by a gallant and sexy knight and groom who fought with his guild against monsters, madmen and magicians across 9 dimensions for mind boggling riches and power. It's a big and strange world. I don't get impressed that easily anymore."
"I get it." relented Don Idmee and felt some steam release from his temper. He had indeed explained the paradox of her being a fresh creation and her supposed origin of being a legendary virgin waiting for salvation by retelling it as a rescue from the very borders of creation at the edge to the void itself. Despite her shape she was no human like him she was a [Vanir]. Yggdrasil had offered over 700 races to chose from to create avatars or npcs and each offered quite different gameplay effects. As a [Human] Don Idmee belonged to the [Humanoids], quite telling basically humanoid races like [Elves] and [Dwarfs] with slightly different attribute boni and mali and minor inherent abilites. The [Vanir] were besides the [Asir], [Jotunn] and [Sutunn] one of the god races inspired by old germanic poetry. Amongst their specialty was the skill to act as their own deity when playing a divine spell caster which in turn enabled greater customization for the patronage boni.
It was a quite powerful ability and their stats were above any [Humanoid]-player thus they were categorized as [Demihumans]. For balance they could be targeted as a whole without difference by certain common abilities in example a [Ranger's] high level [Favored Enemy]-skill.
Last were the [Heteromorph]-races. They were similar to the Demihumans but could in addition invest in [Race]-level instead of [Class]-level to build upon their inherent boni or even evolve. Snot belonged as a [Toadie] to them. They had still been rarely picked because other players could kill them outside of duels without penalty making especially the early levels a pain.
His 'wife' had been a goddess who rejected any male or female who tried to claim her and when she send even Odin away the angry god father chained her to languish forever in solitude. Don Idmee had always thought it a strength of this basic, maybe even primitive, story to be so pure of detail. What were 8 years of silence to someone who might possibly really suffered an eternity before? It would indeed be a good reason why she appeared so unfazed. But it could hardly be called an excuse for trying to steal his money. The cockiness alone with which she nipped at her snack and dared him with confident eye contact and an amused smile to speak up made his blood boil. But Don Idmee reminded himself of the lesson he just told Snot outside. A knight always kept his dignity and throwing a fit would only prove her the victor. His ego wouldn't stomach that so stomached his feelings and said as civil as possible for him. "Its just that it's also a challenging situation for me. I honestly didn't expect you or Snot ever to talk back to me. This is quite unsettling and unprepared for to me, you know?"
"Oh honey, that angst doesn't suit you at all." said she and put down the bakery to step close again with a warm smile. He was still at full attention for any manipulation she might try but she was a one-woman porn industry and he was a man. He let her do. She explored with a perfectly manicured finger the silver of his chest armor and spoke. "I don't deny it's a most surprising and, I hope for you too, fortuitous turn of fate but seeeriously, get a grip, man! You are a frigging knight guild master, you bashed in the heads of monsters with toe nails larger than you on a weekly base, you have seen almost all thinkable weird stuff in creation in the span of a few years and now you start to freak out by a curse lifting?" It felt unfair to have himself accused of acting like a wimp and a stupid stubborn rascal in him wanted to lash out but he also knew that would have been unfair to her and he just couldn't tell her it was all just make belief, a game to him and she only a glorified idol of his desires without expecting painful, best case only physical, repercussion. "Maybe you only had a lot of stress lately. Anything demanding happened the last days?"
'Shutdown' was the first word on his mind but he evaded before he could tell a bad lie. "Some bad news from work and no one to go for but nothing you should concern yourself about."
His suspicion rose again when she accepted unfazed. "Ahhh that's sad but look up. Now your not alone anymore and I know just the thing to relieve some of that stress."
He felt and heard something metallic and very heavy land behind his legs on the floor. He barely managed to wonder "Did you just remove my codpiece?" before he inhaled sharply by reflex when he felt her hands on his surprisingly modern underpants for an olden timesy knight but that was the least of his worries in that moment. This was first time ever a woman laid hands on him and he never expected to actually have such a woman do the honor. For a brief terrible thought he feared if he even would be able to perform but then his member already turned rock hard in her hand as she fondled it carefully like an explorer through the fabric. She wet her lips and purred with a very satisfied brow wink. "You must had a stallion somewhere down the family tree."
His mind had no capacity to consider what she could try to imply. His tip reached high over the top line of the cloth and she had begun to torturous slowly run her thump along its bottom edge. "...Uuhh…. Here? No- OH! Oh! OH! Now?" was all he managed to produce when he tried to buy some time to get his mind on track again as she clearly enjoyed seeing him react to even the tiniest pleasurable movement.
She laughed while he was at her mercy. "Why not? Our kitchen, our house, who's gonna bother us? Honey, I need my fix and you're the only man who can ever deal me what I need. I'm gonna explode if I can't release soon and its not like we're both not hard for it." She leaned into him fixing Don Idmee at the working table. His hands clawed into the wood as she gave him his first sexually loaded kiss and her hand gripped the top of his dick firmer and started to stroke it slowly. Her lips felt like warm tulip petals massaging his with the mindfullest of touch and the taste of her tongue could never be caught in words as it playfully struggled with his in an instinctive back and forth dance. -"Any idea how the curse ended?- "World ended." answered he at once for he needed her to continue but she did just the opposite and leaned back shocked.
"The world ended? How did that happen?"
Don Idmee couldn't fathom how that could be important when they were about to have sex. His answer was to the point only because there was no time to waste. "The curse? Wizard did it. World ended. We survived but wizard did not so curse ended. Can we get on?"
For a moment he saw the gears turn behind her searching eyes before she shrugged "Cool." and thankfully leaned forward again to continue their kiss. His shyness melted by the touch of her tongue and her hand and he reached around to caress her butt and run his finger up her spine before the attached hand secured her shoulder in a possessive grip so she would never go. Something primal in him could have stayed like that forever in that tantalizing union but the breeder in him got scent of an even bigger prize when her strokes intensified with each armor piece her free magical hand loosened. He was left in his socks, pants and undershirt when his last gauntlet dropped. The feeling of her warm body press against his chest commanded him to grab her behind rougher and knead the perfect mixture of trained muscles and good fat prompting her in turn to pump him even harder.
"Are you ready?" paused she their kissing but not her strokes. His penis felt like it was about to burst with blood. Of course he was ready and he nodded. "Ready to fuck me? Want to shove your meat stick in my tight wet pussy."
The question was obsolete to him. What else could he ever want? He could not waste this chance and affirmed just so she would continue. "Oh yes, please!"
"You'll have to beg for it." Teased she as she escaped from him leaning in for another kiss but never let go of his member or falter in her stimulation. A moan fueled by frustration and pleasure in equal measure escaped him and he realized in his dimmed mental state he was completely at questionable mercy and she knew. "Tell me what you desire!"
"I want to fuck." pleaded he and searched desperately for mercy in her eyes.
"Who do you want to fuck?"
"You, of course."
"Then say my name when begging!"
"I want to fuck you, Astrid!" obeyed he obediently but she thundered
"Wrong!" and pushed him roughly on his back on the working table. She wasted no time and followed to crawl slowly over him like cat whose prey couldn't escape. She leaned down and gave him one more wonderful kiss before she corrected him with a wicked smile. "It's Misses Idmee.". She licked the barest tip of his nose and rose up to shuffle further forward on her knees till she could have sat down on his chest. The goddess who decided the undoubtedly most important moment in his life towered like a giant over him from his position and he would have sold her his very soul would she called for it as sacrifice for her blessing. Astrid huffed excitedly as she felt his hands wander from her thigh to the edge of her skirt and under it up her warm body on skin as perfect and hairless as a worry stone.
His heart changed into an even higher gear when he heard the pressure bumps on the back of her costume pop open and she allowed his hands to reach for her breast when she lowered the cloth. He barely listened as he played with greatest patience and tender eagerness to experiment with her nipples and peaches. "You will fuck me, Don Idmee." graciously granted Astrid as she let the maid outfit drop to the floor leaving all between her and the remaining world her white socks and panties. She reached for the latter and pulled it down. "But first you're gonna taste me."
One of the most mysterious aspects of human thinking are remarkable epiphanies intuition can grant them even while their conscious rationality still fails to realize a problem at all. At one moment they can be alert, their senses sharpened and their thoughts focused and nothing seems wrong but the next second they discover that one new detail they don't need to painstakingly debate and equate every possible history of because the facts and causality become obvious in an instant. A human simply knows what went wrong.
"Suck it."
His new detail had almost smacked into his face when it dropped out of her panties and he was at once taken back to the day he had received the finished custom model for Astrid. It had been been a rush to fire up the dive stool, Yggdrasil and the character editor, import the set to it and load the build for her 100 levels he had prepared before so he could finally type while horny staring at her model at her background and release there all his desires and embarrassing fetishes. Months of preparation went before to perfect every detail of her build to maximum efficiency and tweak her model to his imagination and he forgot about it one important detail the game never gave him an opportunity to notice. He forgot to set a sex for her. Since the game went to great length to appease moral guards; models couldn't be touched outside of combat and characters would never strip enough to expose private parts; Don Idmee never got any indication something could have been amiss,
Which was why a full-package hermaphrodite was now dangling its hairless balls and impressive penis in front of his face and expected him to get to work.
"Sir?"
He noticed he was running, and quite fast at that, through dense underwood. He felt a comfortable but unwieldy weight under his arm. Looking to it he saw the world's ugliest cuddle animal, or short Snot, blink confused but patiently back at him and ask. "Sir, are we now done with running?" Why was he running? And why did he wear only socks and underwear? Where was he headed for anyway? Should he stop running? Was there a reason not to stop? "I am feeling a little bit sick from the bouncing, Sir." Snot was with him but why would he take Snot with him? And he could talk? Yes, it was confirmed fact since he met him a moment ago but why were they now here and not at the estate? What happened next? He sent him off, then he practiced his skills and then he went inside. He searched the cookies. He found the cookies. He ate the cookie. Right! Then he met his wife and tried to eat her cookie…
Don Idmee came to a stop in the middle of nowhere with every direction looking the same in the dense forest as the rest of his memory played out again in full detail without him wanting to. He set Snot down and even dusted some dirt of him before he stalked slowly off lost in thought. He seemed to have gotten a hold again and banished the initial panic but he still had so many uncomfortable considerations to make.
Having a dick shoved in his face he didn't know about or approved of bordered in his mind on rape. It wasn't dirty or smelled bad, quite the opposite, but it was still a dirty move on her, his, its, no, her part. Was it? Was she even aware he was not? Because if she wasn't she had in conclusion had to be thinking he was fully aware which he was definitely not! But he would still be a dick all the same for taking flight like she was a monster. That was never what he was trying to commute and he hated himself even on the chance pnly he could have hurt her such. For she was still a literally breathtaking woman.
Even considering her extra Astrid was likely the hottest female being he would ever meet. But could he trust her? On the one hand she was a npc creation of Don Idmee and guardian of his house just as Snot was and his squire appeared to be fiercely loyal to him but also heavily implied that in his squires background. This could have pointed to Astrid sharing a similar loyalty but she had proven right from the start as infuriating manipulative and bold. There was a chance something went wrong in her translation from Yggdrasil to wherever here was but as he recalled the details of her background material an understanding started to form. First of all she was a focused spell caster with very high mental stats. If his high physical stats had turned into an actual super hero body who was he to deny the possibility the same happened to her mind? Even if not he had still described her character and mental prowess in so many overblown, in hindsight extremely embarrassing terms that could be summarized as: devious, cold blooded, hyper-intelligent Genius. The first problem was: he was not. Don Idmee wasn't stupid but he acknowledged himself his limitations and that first taste in the kitchen alone worried him he wouldn't even notice when she manipulated him to serve her own designs. Was it wise to return under the sway of such a person? Maybe not but he mentioned also another thing in her material.
"'Astrid is always horny with dripping passion for her only ever and eternal love Don Idmee.'" cited he one of the most important lines in the document and was once again torn in his feelings. On the one hand it was unlikely she would ever let him go. Out of her life and certainly not with another woman. He was quite likely bound to her alone till death itself parted them but on the bright side he wouldn't ever have to worry about her cheating on him or not being in the mood.
"And 'smoking hot' totally fails to give her credit, damn it!" Cursed Don Idmee because he was no step closer to getting anywhere in decision making.
"Sir Idmee?" caught up Snot with him.
"Hm?"
"Why are we here and why are you naked, Sir?" Snot's question was asked from a point of purest innocence without the slightest hint of disdain or disapproval for his admittedly strange state. The little one simply was interested in his master Don was sure and so he forgot despite the stress all anger and managed to explain.
"We are scouting this place and meeting the natives heavily armed doesn't help build trust. Never forgot the powerful symbol the sword is." Okay, he lied on the fly but he didn't worry the amphibian with anatomy and problems it was no way prepared for and now that he thought about it didn't seem such a bad idea. Scouting this place and getting to know where they were and if there was also someone else, as he hoped, and if any posed a threat was an important mission and could stay away from home.
Snot, the loyal buffoon, considered his words with all his available wit and found lacking as he looked down confused to his spear and shield and asked. "Sir, should I go naked too and throw away my weapons, Sir?"
"That won't be necessary, Snot. I think me, the mightier warrior of us, laying down his arms is symbolic enough. You can also keep away pesky animals should they bother me so keep your weapons ready." put he Snot back on track.
"Sir, yes, Sir! Left! Right! Left! Right!..." saluted his squire motivated and returned to his patrol but this time around Don Idmee. He watched him for a time finally getting irritated when the toadie never seemed to tire of it despite the mind numbing pointlessness and finally snapped with a warm smile and a tender hand on Snot's shoulder stopping him at his height so he would walk at his side.
"Snot, why don't you stop for a moment and take a breaths. It's not like we will see anyone approaching sooner just because you run around me.
"But Sir, I have to patrol! I have to show I am ready to protect you, Sir."
"Trust me, running in a circle like a headless chicken will impress nobody."
"Oh…" understood hi squire with lowering ears. "Sir? Why then do I have to patrol around the house if it doesn't scare enemies, Sir?"
'Cause you obviously can't look through brick walls, simpleton. Stop asking stupid questions' wanted he to say but trimmed it down to a, admittedly forcefully, patient. "Snot. Can you look through walls?"
The toadie thought long and hard before he answer ed. "I could if there's a hole in it, Sir, right?"
Don Idmee would have liked nothing more than to express his feelings in a guttural scream but he knew that Snot wasn't to blame. He had given the problem some thought just as Don Idmee was hoping for just not the one he had been counting on and so he tried to guide him further to independent thought. "That's not wrong, Snot, but remember what most walls look like. There are no holes in them, right? So can you look through them?"
Snot thought even longer this time before he finally lit up with a beaming ugly smile. "Sir, I think this time I got it right, Sir!"
"Good, good, tell me about it." Encouraged he.
"So most walls don't have holes to look through…" Don Idmee's initial hope to seed some common sense in his squire immediately crumbled but he let him continue anyway. "so we put windows in them. Windows are made of glass and if I put my head through it to look through the glass will break. So I walk around so I won't have to break the glass to break through. But here is no window I could break so I don't have to walk around!"
As wide as Snot was grinning he must had miss-judged Don Idmee's lack of response as impressed approval and in parts it was. Snot hadn't applied logic as he had been hoping for but he proved he possessed at least some rational thought even if one of a fussy kind and reached at the end the conclusion he was going for. It had become to clear to him that Snot was not a perfect idiot and more intelligent than he had initially given him credit for. Snot followed his own kind of logic and he realized he would have to learn the toadish way of thinking and adjust his language if he ever hoped to expect productive output from Snot. He knew at once it would be a hard piece of work on his side but he had guided and formed an entire guild of individualistic nerds – how hard could it be to guide one hyper-attentive student?
"Close enough." compromised Don Idmee prompting Snot to a quick rejoicing jump before remembering his position and straightening up again. "As I mentioned we are on a scouting mission. Problem is I don't know what's there to scout."
"Sir, isn't that why we scout, Sir? Asked Snot understandably.
"It is. I meant I am not sure where we should start to scout."
"Sir, didn't we already, Sir?"
"In earnest Snot." Sighed Don Idmee and rubbed his eyes before explaining lest Snot could deplete his gray matter even more. "We are looking for a place where our time and effort are best invested in."
At last Snots perpetual expression of wonder changed to understanding. "Aaaahhhh… aAAAaaahhh…Sir, you're talking about special places you want to look at, right, Sir?"
"Exactly." Confirmed he relieved.
"Well Sir, I saw smoke rising in that direction." Said Snot and pointed perpendicular to their current path.
Smoke could rise from various sources. Of course it could be man-made but even then it could come from an oven, a smithy or an attack or it could have been an entirely natural phenomenon like a wild fire or volcano. Snot's intel could lead them who-knew-where but since he noticed or remembered nothing else when further questioned it was the only direction they had to go for.
They wandered for hours with Snot at front easily clearing a path for them with practiced swings of his spear till he cut down a final shrubbery and they suddenly stood on an unpaved but well kept road. Although Don Idmee's gut feeling had already suspected other sentient life in this world it was the first hard evidence that someone lived here, probably not too far away. A few hundred meters further they could see it leading outside the forest. He told Snot to stay wary and seek a hideaway should somebody approach. They had no idea who lived her or how friendly they would turn out so he concluded it to be be best to stay on the safe side.
Naturally when applying such care they met no one on their way to the edge but what they discovered there easily made up for the previous hours' monotony. The forest lay at the rising edge of a wide plain full of crops that whipped along the rhythm of the warm wind and he could see people sprinkled all over them. To his relief many turned out to be humans in simple clothes of antiquated style similar but definitely different to how they appeared as npcs in Yggdrasil but there were also members of other races walking and working in between them. Some like the ogres and goblins he recognized from Yggdrasil but others were completely alien to him and he was certain they were never part of the game. Yet most notable was that most of creatures he saw were skeletons. Skeletons that tended to the fields.