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Chapter 19

The news his older self had delivered had shaken Daniel Jackson to the core, and even though he knew he would need rest, Danny couldn't bring himself to close his eyes. His worry for Sha're had kept him awake for hours since the three cell mates had laid down to try to sleep, and now morning must have been near, but even though he was thoroughly exhausted he couldn't fall asleep now matter how hard he tried.

As a last-ditch effort, Danny deliberately pushed his worries for his wife to the back of his mind, and pulled forward memories from his life on Abydos with her. After she had first been taken, the memories had been the only thing that kept him going, along with the hope that he would find her. But exactly one year later, when he had returned to Abydos and discovered her there only to lose her again, the memories had become more painful, and more and more recently he had pushed them away. Right now, however, they were his only hope of getting any rest.

At first, it worked, and despite everything else that was happing he found himself smiling silently as images of Sha're and the two of them together filled the forefront of his mind. He remembered her teaching him her language, which hadn't taken very long to pick up because of its relationship with Ancient Egyptian. He remembered teaching her English, which had been harder, but he remembered how quick a learner she had been, how delightful a student. They'd spent many hours just sitting, pointing out different things and what they were called in each other's languages, learning more and more about each other's worlds.

The simple life of the Abydonians had been invigorating for Jackson, and there had been so many good times there…though life on his new home planet was not without its bad times. But there had never been anything that he and Sha're hadn't been able to pull through together, even when, on occasion thins had gotten especially difficult.

As Danny drifted down into a doze, that space between sleep and awareness where there are not-quite-dreams, a memory began to play that had been triggered when he had woken up in Sam's arms, a memory of being a similar position, but where Sha're had been holding him. It had involved one of more trying episodes of his life on Abydos, and at the time he had pushed it away, but now it came to the surface without obstruction, playing back again almost as clearly as the day it happened.

Daniel Jackson could hear voices. He could feel himself being moved, lowered onto what felt like a bed, and his body protested with pain. His ankle throbbed, his head felt as if a nail had been shoved through it, and the rest of his body felt bruised. He couldn't remember what had happened. He remembered going to the cave that held the cartouche of what he believed to be stargate addresses, the text he been attempting to translate for months since he'd found it several weeks after Jack, Kawalsky, and Feretti had left Abydos to return to earth. Skaara and another of the boys, Nekim, a mutual friend of Daniel's and Skaara's, had been with him. But after that…nothing.

Most of the voices drifted away, but one remained, and came closer. After a moment Daniel recognized it as Sha're's, and realized that whoever had been carrying him must have brought him to their home. But beyond that, his mind was too muddled to think much else, and he still hadn't opened his eyes. He wasn't planning too, either.

A cool, damp cloth began to dab gently at his forehead, and he flinched from the sudden cold. Now sensing that he was awake, if only partially, Sha're's voice became more urgent. Somehow Daniel understood that she was telling him to hold on, that he would be all right, but his mind couldn't tell him whether the words were English or Abydonian.

She continued to talk, but he couldn't understand any more as he slipped into unconsciousness again.

When consciousness returned, and Daniel opened his eyes, he found himself where he'd thought he was before--at home. Sha're sat beside him on their bed holding his hand, and a brief smile lit her face when she saw that he was awake.

"Dan'iel, I am glad you are awake. How are you feeling?"

"Not so great," Daniel grimaced weakly. "What happened? And…where are my glasses?"

Sha're leaned forward and smoothed his hair, then kissed his forehead. "You do not need them. You should rest, my husband," she said, answering his second question but obviously ignoring the first.

Normally he would have questioned her about it, but he was still too worn out to notice much or even care. He still wanted to know what had happened, but for the moment let it go. If she wouldn't tell him, maybe he didn't want to know. Listening to Sha're's soothing voice as she wrapped her arms around him, he drifted into sleep, but with sleep came dreams, and with dreams came the memories, and with the memories of what had happened he discovered that his suspicion that maybe he didn't want to know was correct.

"So, you believe that these symbols tell how to open the Chappa'ai to other worlds besides your own?" Skaara asked as he Daniel, and Nekim once again looked around the cave that they had come to so often lately. Daniel didn't even glance up from his intense study of one of the walls to answer.

"Yeah, I think so," he said simply, nodding, too distracted to give a more in-depth answer.

"Can we go to these worlds?" Nekim asked in Abydonian. He hadn't been able to pick up English as quickly.

That thought brought Daniel's head over to look at his friends. Switching to the native language, he replied, smiling. "I don't know. I certainly hope so. If I can just get one or more of these addresses to work…" He shrugged. "Who knows. Maybe the two of you could be among the first explorers from Abydos to leave your planet."

Both boys seemed excited at the idea, almost as excited as Daniel himself. But a damper clamped down on their excitement when suddenly a low rumble rippled through the cave.

"What was that?" Nekim yelped.

"Whatever it is, it is not good," Skaara said, also switching to his own language.

It was then that the cavern began to shake, and Daniel's eyes widened in surprise. All three occupants of the cave still speaking in Abydonian, Daniel shouted over the rising noise.

"Yeah, I think I can agree with that! Why didn't you people tell me you had earth quakes!"

Both locals looked at him strangely, and the anthropologist shook his head. "Sorry, forgot you wouldn't know what that means…uh…this! You didn't tell me that the ground shook sometimes!"

"It does not! Not often, anyway," Skaara explained quickly. I only remember one other instance in my lifetime…"

Nekim nodded. "Yes, and that was not good. We should get out of here, now!"

Daniel had already moved, and was stumbling about the cave as it shook and dust fell, beginning to gather everything he'd brought with him, and other things that he usually kept there, tools, scores of notes and several books.

"Dan'iel we must go, now!" Skaara shouted to him from near the door. "There is no time! This chamber is secure, but the tunnel could collapse! Come on!"

"I can't leave these things here. If the tunnel does collapse, I'll lose them until we can dig back in here!" the scientist answered. Several more precious seconds were taken, until finally Jackson had scooped up the last book and stumbled to the door. Skaara and Nekim had not left without him, and immediately all three rushed toward daylight.

Just as they turned a corner and the entrance to the cave came into view, Skaara and Daniel heard the disastrous sound of rocks falling behind them accompanied by a scream, and realized that Nekim had ended up in back, and stopped.

Daniel skidded to a halt, a sound that he'd hoped never to hear again assaulting his ears. Twisting around, he and Skaara saw the final seconds of the rockslide that had swept down on top of Nekim. The blood drained from Daniel's face as his mind flashed back to his parents' deaths, when they were crushed beneath the heavy cover stone of an Ancient Egyptian display when the chain moving it snapped while they were working at a museum in New York. Only a child at the time, he'd seen the whole thing happen, and he hadn't been able to stop it.

"No!" Daniel shouted in horror as the tunnel continued to shake around them. The end of it was only a few feet away, but neither he nor Skaara moved until the native boy started to run back for his friend at the chance he was still alive. Daniel stopped him. "No, I'll go," he said quickly, shoving his things into Skaara's arms and then pushing his brother-in-law the last few feet out of the cave. Maybe he hadn't been able to do anything twenty-five years ago, but maybe he could do something now.

Skaara shouted after Daniel in protest as he ran back in, but obediently stayed outside the tunnel. At least something was going right. Daniel stumbling back down the tunnel through the falling dust and rock fragments, struggling to see and hoping to find Nekim between the entrance and the newly formed partial rock wall that now blocked the tunnel. But when the reached where the tunnel had collapsed, there was still no sign of him. He called Nekim's name, wondering if he could simply be trapped on the other side, but stopped when he saw the foot and the end of the brown homespun robe that poked out from under the rocks. Suddenly Jackson felt sick, knowing that there was no way the boy could have survived being buried that deeply under the rocks.

Desperately he called his friend's name a few more times, but to no avail, and by now Skaara was shouting at him to come out again, that it looked as if more rocks were going to fall. Blinking back the tears that started to cloud his vision, Daniel turned and started back toward the entrance.

"Dan'iel, hurry! It's going to collapse further, get out of there!" Skaara called.

He was almost there, but suddenly something hard and heavy struck his back, knocking him to the ground. Daniel knew it had been a rock, and knew that if he didn't get back up and get out that he would probably be killed, too. He tried to get up, but more rocks were falling, and one hit his leg, sending him back down and causing his ankle to twist painfully. Looking up again, he only had time to catch a glimpse of Skaara dropping the load in his hand and rushing back into the tunnel to help him before something hit his head, and the world blinked out.

Daniel gasped as he woke again, and found himself trembling. Sha're was sitting up now, against the wall at the head of the bed, but he was still in her arms, his head resting on her shoulder, and he clung to her as he broke into tears.

"Shhhh," she soothed, stroking his hair. "It's all right, Dan'iel. What is wrong?"

"I-I remember. I know what happened." he gulped quietly through his tears. He bit back a sob. "Sha're, it's my fault. Nekim is dead, and it's my fault…"

Sha're shook her head immediately, her face showing only love and concern. "No, Dan'iel. Do not blame yourself."

"But…I was the only who stayed an extra minute, gathering my things. If I had just run, if we had just left a few seconds earlier…it wouldn't have happened…. Besides, I'm the one that decided to go to the cave today, brought them with me…"

"Dan'iel, stop," Sha're said firmly. "You could not have known that the ground would shake, or that the tunnel would fall in. It is 'not' your fault." Then her voice softened. "It is all right. I love you, Dan'iel, and I'm glad that you are safe." She leaned to kiss him, and he let her, returning it, but when she pulled back there were still tears in his eyes, and he was looking at her.

"What is it?" she asked in concern. "There is something else, isn't there?"

Daniel gulped again, and reached up to touch his wife's face. "It's just that…what happened wasn't all I dreamed about. I was also dreaming about what could have happened…"He started to blink back the fresh tears that threatened to fall. "What if…what if it had been you?" he choked out. "Just before I woke up, that's what I was dreaming, and for a moment I thought…"he trailed of, unable to complete the sentence. "Sha're, I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you…"

She shushed him gently, reaching up to the hand on her cheek and taking it in her own. "But nothing has happened to me, Dan'iel, and even though you have been hurt, you will be fine." She smiled at him. "Remember your promise to me, Dan'iel? That we will be together forever? I plan to keep that promise as well, my husband."

"I know…" Daniel whispered. Then, grunting from soreness, he sat up and embraced her as a few more tears fell from his eyes. "I love you, too."

Danny woke from the memory with tears in his eyes, but a smile on his face. He still regretted the loss of his friend, but after that incident he and Sha're had grown even closer. More memories of the better times afterward came, along with hope for the future, hope that he would get her back and, comforted, he was finally able to fall asleep.

Daniel, on the other hand, knew that he would never have her back, and could not sleep at all. He was afraid to close his eyes, knowing that all he would see was Sha're, held prisoner by the Goa'uld within her, her face twisted in pain, that all he would hear was her screams, and that all he would feel was his helplessness to do anything about any of it.

A soft sound from across the room woke Sam from a sound sleep. Sitting up slowly, she listened. To one side of her she could hear the slow, even breathing that told her that Danny was finally asleep. She was relieved to know that much, but her face fell into a frown when she turned to look across the room at where Daniel was sleeping--or not sleeping.

The major almost had to strain her ears to hear it, but she was sure that she heard the sound of crying. It wasn't a sound she heard often, not from her teammates, anyway, but of course she knew what it was. Concerned, she quietly stood and crossed to the opposite wall. Daniel was facing away from her, and she sat beside him. Tentatively, she reached out and touched his shoulder.

"Daniel…?"

The Jackson of the future jerked in surprise, but quickly recovered and swiped a sleeve across his face before he turned over to look at her. "Sam? What is it?" he asked quietly.

"Well…" Carter began slowly. "I, uhm…I heard you…I just wanted to make sure you were all right."

Daniel sighed. "Oh. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to make you worry about me…" He tried to sit up, but grimaced and an arm went around his injured ribs. Sam put out an arm and stopped him.

"It's okay. No, don't move." She sighed, "How are you feeling."

Daniel lay back again and suppressed a sigh, knowing it would only hurt more. He was tempted to lie to Sam, but couldn't bring himself to do it. "Physically, terrible, and emotionally, whole lot worse," he answered simply, giving both answers to the question because he knew she wanted both. At her concerned look, he tried to bring humor into the conversation by squinting and complaining good-naturedly about the loss of his glasses, "I can't even see straight!"

Sam smiled briefly, but then became serious again. "It's not your fault, you know," she said softly.

Daniel gulped. "Yes it is. I didn't tell you everything."

"What do you mean?" Carter asked in confusion.

So he told her. He told what had happened in the experiment room, what he had done to talk to Sha're, and what that had lead to, though leaving out any details about his feelings that could give clues of the future, of what had happened to Sha're. It was difficult, but he managed to tell her what had happened without crying again or giving anything away that could further screw up the future.

"Daniel, you couldn't have known…" Sam said after a moment of silence.

"Maybe not, but it was still a stupid idea, and now Sha're is suffering because of me," Daniel said bitterly.

"Daniel, you said yourself that Amaunet showed you what she was doing to her because she realized that torturing you wasn't getting her anywhere, that you cared more for your wife. That means that even if you hadn't done what you did to provoke her to do it, she still would decided on it eventually, right?"

That stopped him. "Well…maybe…but I still made her do it sooner."

"You can't second-guess yourself at every turn, Daniel," Sam said, putting her hand on his shoulder again. "From what I've seen so far, in the future you've done a good job of learning not to do that so often, but nobody's perfect," she smiled.

Daniel gave her a small smile in return. "I'm still worried about her, though," he said after a moment.

"I know. We all are. Now try to get some sleep before I report you Doctor Fraiser when we get back. You know how she is. She'd write a note to herself and make sure she scolded you for not getting enough sleep when you get back to the future," Carter said, now grinning. When Daniel's eyes suddenly became sad again at her comment, she frowned.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," he said, looking away for a moment. When he turned to her again he mustered another smile. "Don't worry about me; I'll be fine. I promise I'll try to sleep."

"Good," Sam said, standing. So she left him again, going back to her own bench and laying down, and even though she did soon fall back to sleep, she couldn't get the look on Daniel's face when she mentioned Janet Fraiser out of her mind.

Jack O'Neill groaned in protest as shook him, trying to wake him. He rolled over in the small bed in his room on base, and pulled the blanket over his head, still too asleep to remember why he had wanted to wake up early.

"Five more minutes!" he grunted, but the persistent voice continued. "Or how about ten minutes…an hour?"

Whoever was there was ignoring him, and finally he uncovered his head and opened one eye to see Teal'c standing over him. "Teal'c…what are you doing in my room?"

"You must wake up, O'Neill," the jaffa answered. "Sergeant Harriman believes he has found something."

Jack now opened both eyes, and saw that behind Teal'c stood a groggy Janet Fraiser and a very hyper Walter Harriman. Slowly the colonel pushed the blanket off and sat up. Having slept in his clothes like the rest of them, wanting to get as early a start as possible on continuing to search for Carter and Jackson, he attempted to straighten his rumpled t-shirt on the way up. O'Neill peered at Harriman as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

"Okay…Walter, what have you got?" he asked.

"Well, sir, we've been sending M.A.L.P.s through all night on preliminary runs to get ready for today, and a few looked interesting, but you have to see for yourself what the one we sent through a few minutes ago sent back. I really think we could be onto something. General Hammond sent me to get the three of you."

"Ah," was all Jack said as he stood and grabbed the green long-sleeved buttoned shirt of his fatigues from the bed post and pulled it on. Then, slipping his feet into his boots, he stood without even bothering to tie them. "Okay, campers, let's see what Walter's all excited about." He glanced over at the sergeant as the group of four headed for the control room. "I don't guess your going to tell us what it is before we get there, are you?" he asked jokingly, back to his usual snarky self now that he was more awake.

"Only if you want me to, sir."

"Good. I'd rather see for myself."

"Yes sir."

When the four arrived in the control room, Walter went straight for his post and sat down, punching at the keyboard on one of the many computers nearby. Second later an image appeared on the screen in front of them.

"Here it is, colonel. Watch this closely, and I think you'll see what I mean."

"Yeahsureyoubetcha, now hit play already," O'Neill said with some impatience, wanting to see if this could help them locate the rest of his team.

"Yes sir, sorry sir," Harriman said quickly, pressing a key. A Second later the image on the computer screen came to life and began to play the video the M.A.L.P. had began to send back once it was through the wormhole. There was the momentary bumping and blurring of the image as the machine rolled down off of whatever steps or platform the stargate was on, and then the movement stopped and the picture stilled to show what appeared to be a Goa'uld base.

Jack's eyebrows went up and Fraiser leaned forward excitedly. They had brief view of the empty room, but seconds later two jaffa turned into the large chamber. One of them shouted something, and the other raised his staff weapon and fired. Almost immediately after, the screen went blank.

"They destroyed it!" Janet said, pulling back.

"Indeed," Teal'c said he raised the eyebrow.

Jack looked to Harriman. "I gotta hand it to you, Walter, this is good news. I'd betcha anything that's where they are."

"Why would you say that?" Fraiser questioned.

"Why else would they want to keep it a secret?"

"They might just not like alien machinery coming through their 'gate--especially ours," the doctor retorted.

"Yeah, but look…Walter, replay that and freeze-frame it on the empty room," O'Neill ordered.

A moment later the image was up again and frozen in place at the colonel's request, and he pointed to something that the others had failed to see the first time around. There where stacks of crates around a ring transporter in what seemed to be an open storage area on the other side of the large room, and a few of the crate in the front here and there had not been closed yet. He pointed to one of the nearest ones.

"What do you see there?"

Sighing, Janet leaned closer and squinted at the screen, until a moment later her eyes widened. "That…that looks like SGC gear!"

"Right. I see vests, guns, and I think I can even make out a GDO--everything the Goa'uld would have taken away from them if they captured them there. I'm telling you; that's where they are."

"Are you sure about that, colonel?"

All eye turned behind them to see General Hammond, whom none of them had noticed come in.

Jack O'Neill nodded. "Positive, sir. It's the only explanation. We don't have any other leads, and this one looks solid to me."

Hammond nodded. "Good. I suggest that you start working on a plan then, colonel."

"Yes sir!" Jack agreed readily, snapping off a salute before turning back Teal'c, Fraiser, and Harriman. Hammond smiled and walked back toward his office as O'Neill began snapping off assignments to the team he had for getting their plan pulled together.

"Oh yeah, and Walter?" Jack said finally as he finished.

"Sir?"

"Call Jacob and let him know what we found for me, will you? And tell him we could use his help."

"I'd be happy to, sir."

Now more than fully awake, O'Neill felt his spirits rising as he realized that they actually might soon fins his missing friends. But at the same time, he had to wonder how they were going to pull it of when the gate on that planet was right in the middle of a Goa'uld base.