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"Sir, you have a visitor," the guard said to Arl Rendon Howe, bowing politely and opening the door to allow the messenger in.
"What do you want?" Howe asked angrily. He had been thinking of her again, wondering where she was, and it never failed to upset him.
Every night he dreamed of their first time together - her soft lips on his, the feel of her breasts in his hands, the tight wetness between her legs as she had wrapped around his fingers...
His men had thoroughly searched Cousland Castle and the surrounding lands looking for any indication of Zeva, and they had found nothing of substance.
There was no body, no sign at all that she was still nearby. His heart had soared to think that she was alive, and yet he worried that he could not locate her.
They had been unable to locate the Grey Warden, either. Damn that interfering bastard! Howe knew deep down inside that they were together. He had seen the lust the Warden harbored for Zeva, and he worried for her safety. If Duncan had so much as touched his woman, he would see him flayed alive and hung from the gates of his new estate in Denerim.
Awoken from his daydream, Howe looked up at the messenger, "Well, either speak or get out!"
"I have a message from Teyrn Loghain for you, Ser!" the messenger said.
Howe rolled his eyes and sighed. "What did the Regent have to say?" Word had reached Howe of Loghain's success at Ostagar and his destruction of the Grey Wardens.
"Ser, Regent Loghain wanted you to know that Lady Zeva Cousland was with the Grey Wardens at Ostagar," the messenger said calmly.
Howe grabbed the man around the throat and threw him against the door. "What?" Howe yelled! "Zeva was at Ostagar? What happened to her? Did she survive?"
The messenger, eyes wide in terror, clawed at Howe's hands. "S-ser, P-please! I c-c-can't b-breathe!"
Howe loosened his grip on the man and backed away. "Tell me everything!"
"Of c-course, Arl," the man stuttered. " Teyrn Loghain met with Zeva Cousland when she arrived at Ostagar, shortly before she was inducted into the Grey Wardens. King Cailan sent her with his bastard half-brother to light the beacon at the Tower of Ishal, so she was not among the Wardens who fought the darkspawn."
Thank the Maker, Howe thought. She may yet survive! Returning his attention to the courier, he spoke, "What did the Regent say about his meeting with Lady Cousland, if anything?"
"Of course, Ser," the messenger replied. "The Regent was very impressed with Lady Cousland, Ser. So much so that he has expressed a desire to recruit her as a commander in his army."
That was the last thing the courier ever said. Howe's eyes burned with rage and he drew his dagger, stabbing the man through the neck. The body slid to the floor with a thud.
The door opened and Reginald, Howe's administrator, stepped in. "Ser," he said anxiously, "are you quite well? Did this man attack you?"
"Get this sodding bastard out of my home. And send me the captain of the guards immediately," Howe demanded.
Howe turned from the door, fury flowing through his veins. Loghain wanted his Zeva! He had made it quite clear to the Teyrn that the Couslands were not his concern, especially Zeva.
Well, he would handle this situation. Loghain would never have her. She would certainly not be a commander in his army.
There was a knock at the study door, and Captain Ferris entered, glancing only briefly at the body on the floor, knowing better than to ask questions. "You wished to see me, Ser?" he asked quietly.
"Yes, Captain." Howe answered. "I need you to take several teams of your men and have them search the towns surrounding Ostagar for signs of any remaining Grey Wardens. In particular, I am looking for a female Warden. I will provide you with a sketch.
If any of your men locate this Warden, you are NOT to harm her. Kill anyone with her, if you must, but make sure she remains untouched and bring her to me immediately. Do you understand?"
"Of course, Arl Howe," the captain replied, bowing deeply and leaving the room.
Zeva, my darling, Howe thought darkly, soon we will be together again. And this time, there will be no one to interfere.
o~~~~~~~~o
Alistair, Morrigan and Zeva arrived in Lothering several days after leaving Flemeth's hut. They were greeted by bandits outside the town, who had been robbing refugees seeking shelter inside the village. The thieves were quickly dispatched by the group and the party had taken the stolen goods back into town to return them to their rightful owners.
Zeva and Alistair had both been very quiet during the trip, each coping with their grief in their own way. Upon entering the town, they had stopped to discuss the specifics of the journey ahead. It was decided that seeking Arl Eamon first would be the best course of action.
Zeva suggested they seek out the town tavern, which was always the best place to hear news and purchase supplies. Immediately upon entering the tavern, they were accosted by two men in military uniforms.
"Look what we have here, men. I think we've just been blessed." the leader of the group said, staring at Zeva.
Alistair moved closer to Zeva, and whispered. "Uh-oh, Loghain's men. This can't be good."
"No," Zeva said grimly, recognizing the armor. "Not Loghain's men - Howe's men," she stated with disgust.
Howe's soldier continued, "Didn't we spend all morning asking about a woman of this very description, and everyone said they hadn't seen her? It seems we were lied to."
At that moment, a red-haired Chantry Sister approached the men and addressed them, in a thick Orlesian accent. "Gentlemen, surely there's no need for trouble. These are no doubt more poor souls seeking refuge."
The captain turned and looked at the newcomer. "They are more than that. Now stay out of our way, Sister. We have been ordered to take the Warden into custody and return her to Denerim. We will do so, and you will be hurt if you interfere."
Zeva nodded to the Sister and said in a calm voice, "Yes, Miss, please stand back. I do not need your protection."
"No, you do not, " the women replied, "but these men will blindly follow their master into death."
"Enough talk," the captain declared. "Take the Warden into custody. Kill the Sister and anyone else that gets in your way."
Zeva drew her daggers and smiled maliciously. "Come and try to take me, you filthy bastards. You will have no better success than your nug-humping master did!"
With that, she attacked. Alistair, Morrigan and the Sister quickly joined the fight and Howe's men were defeated easily. When only the captain remained, he held up his hands in defeat. "Alright. You've won. We surrender."
The Sister moved forward and said, "Good. They've learned their lesson and we can all stop fighting now."
Zeva held her dagger to the Captain's throat and spoke softly into his ear. "I want you to take a message to Arl Rendon Howe."
"W-what do you want me to tell him?" the captain stuttered.
"Tell him this. His 'beloved' Zeva is coming for him. And when I arrive, he will rue the day he destroyed my family, "she whispered menacingly.
He nodded and moved slowly away from her. "T-thank you, ma'am. I will go to him straight away." With that, the Captain fled the tavern.
Alistair turned to Zeva and seeing that she was shaking, spoke gently to her. "Are you alright, Zeva?"
She nodded slowly and placed her hand on his arm. "Thank you for your concern, Alistair, but I am fine. He cannot hurt me anymore. It is I who will hurt him. I promise you."
The Chantry Sister stepped up to them and cleared her throat. "I apologize for interfering, but I could not just stand by and not help."
Zeva stared blankly at the woman, who continued, "I am glad you found it in your heart to offer that man mercy. Let me introduce myself. I am Leliana, one of the lay Sisters of the Chantry here in Lothering. Or I was."
"Let me explain something to you, Sister." Zeva said quietly. "What you saw was not mercy. It was necessity. I want that man to tell his master I am coming. I want him to know fear before I take his life."
A surprised expression crossed Leliana's face, but she nodded. "They said you are a Grey Warden. Is this true?"
Zeva nodded, "I am a Grey Warden. What concern is that of yours?"
"I know after what happened you will need all the help you can get. That's why I'm coming along." Leliana said calmly.
"And why would you ever want to come with us?" Zeva asked.
The Sister gave Zeva a serious look. "The Maker told me to."
"I'm sorry. What did you say?" Zeva asked incredulously.
"I-I know that sounds absolutely insane, but it's true. I had a dream. A vision," Leliana explained.
Alistair spoke up. "More crazy? I thought we were all full up."
Leliana quickly added, "What you do, what you are meant to do is the Maker's work. Let me help."
"As long as you understand what you are agreeing to, Leliana. The Wardens can ill-afford to turn down allies." Zeva said emphatically.
Morrigan snorted, "Perhaps your skull was cracked worse than Mother thought."
"Thank you," Leliana said cheerfully. "I appreciate being given this chance. I will not let you down."
Wondering exactly what madness she had just agreed to, Zeva led the group from the tavern, after purchasing new armor and weapons for her comrades.
o~~~~~~~~o
To the north of town, the group found a caged Qunari who had been accused of killing an entire family. He introduced himself as Sten of the Beresaad, the Vanguard of the Qunari peoples. Leliana told Zeva that the Chantry had sentenced the man to death.
"This is no way for anyone to die," Zeva said angrily. "Leliana, do you think we could get the Revered Mother to release him?"
Sten spoke from his cage. "Perhaps if you told her the Grey Wardens need my assistance? It seems as likely to bring my death as waiting here."
"I will see what I can do, Sten." Zeva nodded and turned to go. "Leliana, would you be so kind as to join me? I think the Revered Mother might be more cooperative if you were there."
"Of course, Zeva," Leliana said. "You wish to join with your fellow Grey Warden before leaving Lothering anyway, don't you?"
Zeva and Alistair both stopped and turned to her. "What Grey Warden?" Alistair asked. "There is another Warden in Lothering?"
"Of course," Leliana said. " I thought you would have known. He arrived with a group of Chasind almost a week ago. He has been recuperating in the Chantry. When I was at the Chantry earlier today, he and the Revered Mother were speaking of evacuating the village."
Leliana paused a moment and added, laughing. "Of course, he is lucky the Revered Mother allowed him to stay in the Chantry, with his Mabari making such a racket at all hours of the night."
Zeva's legs gave out and Alistair caught her, holding her tightly. "M-mabari?" Zeva asked shakily. "This Warden, he has a Mabari with him?"
Looking concerned, Leliana held her hand out to help steady Zeva. "Yes. I believe he said the dog's name was Nihlus. Do you know him?"
Zeva cried out and held tighter to Alistair, who had turned a ghostly white himself. "Take me there, Alistair - hurry!" Nodding unsteadily, the Templar picked her up and ran toward the Chantry, the rest of the party struggling to keep up.
o~~~~~~~~o
When they reached the Chantry doors, Zeva pulled on Alistair's sleeve, getting his attention. "Put me down, Alistair. I think I will be alright now."
He held her tightly to him. "Are you sure? We don't know who is in there."
"It has to be him!" Zeva cried. "Nihlus wouldn't have stayed with anyone else!"
Leliana and Morrigan arrived. "Well, we will not know until you open that door, now will we?" Morrigan said.
The Wardens both nodded and Alistair put Zeva down, opening the Chantry door. They walked in slowly, hands tightly clasped together.
o~~~~~~~~o
Nihlus looked up and barked loudly. "Quiet, boy. You will disrupt the entire Chantry," his companion said softly.
Nihlus barked once more and ran from the room. The man followed closely behind. "Is there danger, Nihlus?"
When he rounded the corner, the man was sure he was dreaming. There before him, eyes open wide in shock, stood Alistair. Next to him, hands clasped over her mouth, was the woman Duncan thought he would never again see. "Zeva?" he whispered, and watched in horror as she gasped and fell to the ground, unconscious.
o~~~~~~~~o
Zeva opened her eyes slowly and immediately winced at the throbbing in her head. She tried to get up and quickly felt herself being eased back down by a pair of gentle hands. "Stay down," Leliana said. "You took quite a fall. Alistair has asked that you remain here until you are strong enough to stand."
"Alistair. Where is he?" Zeva asked, then her eyes opened wide and she cried, "Duncan! He is alive? That was him, wasn't it?"
"Shhh. Rest," Leliana said softly. "Yes, your Warden Commander is here. He is speaking with Alistair and the Revered Mother inside her office. I promised I would let them know when you awoke."
Leliana turned toward the door. "Morrigan?" she called.
Morrigan opened the door and entered, followed closely by Nihlus, who ran to his Mistress' side and licked her face. "Is she awake?" she asked, and smiled when she saw Zeva.
Zeva pulled Nihlus to her chest and kissed his head. "Thank you, my friend," she whispered. "You did an amazing job and I shall always be grateful." The hound barked happily and lay down at her feet.
"Ahhhh. There will be two very happy men in the old woman's office." Morrigan said. "Shall we get them?"
"No!" Zeva insisted and pulled herself up. "I am fine, both of you. I was just overwhelmed. I refuse to be coddled like a child." She rose from the bed and straightened her armor. "How do I look?" she asked, and then blushed immediately, bringing a laugh from both women.
"Do not worry," Morrigan said. "You look fine. I assume the concern for your appearance is the direct result of the return of the handsome Warden Commander and not the fool Templar?"
Zeva blushed even deeper and smiled. "Yes, it is."
"See?" Morrigan gloated at Leliana, "I told you 'twas more than a friendship. No woman faints at the return of a superior. That idiot Alistair may not have seen it, but it was quite obvious that there is more going on with you two than meets the eye."
"I must go," Zeva said, and exited the room. Her two female companions followed closely behind her, anxious to see the reunion.
Zeva crossed the Chantry and approached the Revered Mother's office. From inside she could hear several voices, each speaking softly. She moved to the doorway and knocked quietly.
"Come in," she heard a female voice call from inside. Zeva opened the door and entered the chamber.
Zeva quickly scanned the room and found Duncan. She smiled warmly, eyes filling with tears and immediately crossed the room, throwing her arms around his neck. "Duncan!" she cried. "You are alive! Thank the Maker!"
Duncan's heart clenched painfully as he felt her in his arms. Maker, she was divine! "Zeva, dar..." He looked over her shoulder and saw Alistair and the Revered Mother watching them curiously.
Not here! He thought, as reality once more took over. He would greet her properly later, when they were alone. Duncan pushed Zeva away gently, the 'Commander' expression slipping over his features.
"My friend," he said casually as he moved away. "It is good to see that you are well."
Zeva stood in silence, staring at Duncan, who would not meet her gaze. What has just happened? she thought. She knew he had been happy to see her. She saw it in his eyes and felt it in his embrace, at least for a moment. What could have possibly changed so quickly?
Realization struck her like a bolt of lightning as she followed his gaze and saw the others standing in the room. NO! her mind screamed. After everything that had happened, everything we have survived, he couldn't think that we should hide our feelings? Not now!
Zeva recovered quickly and a mask of indifference fell over her face. Fine, if he wanted a professional soldier, he would get one! And, Maker, would he pay for the pain he was putting her through!
She smiled sweetly at the Revered Mother and inclined her head respectfully.
"My dear," Mother Rosalyn said as she approached Zeva. "I am glad to see that you are safe. I am sure it was quite a shock to see your Commander alive and well."
"Thank you for everything you have done for us, Revered Mother." she said quietly. "It was most kind of you to nurse Duncan back to health."
"It was a pleasure, my dear," Mother Rosalyn said warmly. "I have been arranging with your comrades to release the convicted Qunari into your custody. If he can make amends for his actions by helping to stop this Blight, then I see no reason to say no to your request."
Mother Rosalyn handed the keys to Zeva. "Please be careful though. The Qunari is very dangerous, and I would not want to see either of us counted among his next victims."
Needing to leave the room as soon as possible, if only to clear her mind, Zeva bowed slightly and turned to go.
Alistair moved from his seat and placed his arm around her waist. "I am so glad you are feeling better, Zeva," he said softly. "Can you even believe we are together again, all three of us?" He smiled brightly, his eyes moving from Duncan to her.
Zeva returned his embrace and smiled warmly at him. Alistair was such a sweet soul, and she would not see his reunion with Duncan ruined, no matter how deeply she was hurt.
"Yes, Alistair," she said gently. "It is truly wonderful to have our Commander back." She placed emphasis on Duncan's title, hoping he would understand the meaning, even if Alistair did not.
Zeva turned to Leliana and Morrigan. "Would you two please be so kind as to accompany me? We need to release Sten, and I have seen several jobs on the Chanter's board we need to take care of. We could certainly use the money."
Both women nodded quickly and moved to join her. "Alistair, you should stay here and inform Duncan of all that has transpired since we were separated."
She turned and found both men now looking at her. She locked her gaze with Duncan's and added. "Don't forget to tell him about Howe's men." She saw the look of fury that crossed Duncan's face. "You know, the ones who were sent here to take me to Denerim." She turned and quickly left the room, Morrigan and Leliana following close behind.
o~~~~~~~~o
The women released Sten from his cage and spent the rest of the day completing tasks for the Chantry. They also met a dwarven merchant and his son, rescuing them from a group of darkspawn.
At sundown, bloody and exhausted, the party returned to the Chantry. Alistair ran forward, concern etched on his face. "Zeva," he said, checking her for injuries, "is any of this blood yours?"
Zeva laughed heartily. "No, Alistair, but thank you for the concern. Lothering is now missing a pack of wolves, some angry bears, several groups of bandits and even some refugees who wanted to claim a bounty on the Wardens' heads! Oh, and did I mention the darkspawn? It's been quite a day, let me tell you!"
Her smile faded as Duncan came around the corner. He looked at her and the pain was evident in his eyes. "Are you well, Zeva?"
Before she could answer, a voice spoke up from behind her. " 'Twas quite the sight to see, I can tell you, Commander. Zeva fought as a woman possessed. Very impressive. Almost as though she had some anger to work out, wouldn't you say, Leliana?"
The bard nodded slowly. "Yes, Morrigan, I would have to agree. Now, gentlemen, if you would accompany us, we have located an area outside of town to set up camp, and I, for one, would like to get out of these bloody clothes!"
Zeva thanked the Revered Mother for all of her help, and the party set up camp outside of the village. Duncan, Alistair and Sten set about assembling the tents, while the women went to the lake to bathe and clean their clothes.
Morrigan and Leliana returned alone, and Duncan approached them. "Where is Zeva?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.
Morrigan moved closer to the Commander, her tone quiet and extremely unfriendly. "She asked to be left alone for awhile. She has had a very difficult week, and needed some time to think. One could hardly blame her, losing and then reuniting with the man she cares for so deeply, only to have him push her away like some common whore." Her eyes flashed darkly, and she and Leliana moved away from him, toward the campfire.
o~~~~~~~~o
Zeva stood staring out over the lake, her thoughts in turmoil. Duncan was alive! She had never been more grateful to the Maker for anything in her life. Yet, he had pushed her away when she needed him. How was she going to handle this? What would her parents tell her to do? She wished desperately that they were here to give her comfort and advice!
She was so immersed in her own thoughts that she didn't hear Duncan approach her from behind. "Zeva?" he spoke softly. "Can we talk, please?"
At the sound of his voice, her strength broke and she began crying softly. He moved swiftly to her side and turned her to face him.
"Shhh, my love," he said and gently wiped her tears away. "There is no need to cry. We are both alive and we are together." He bent his head toward hers and captured her mouth with his own.
Zeva moaned into Duncan's mouth and wrapped her arms around him. Their kiss deepened and he pushed his tongue between her lips, tenderly tasting her.
They remained together, locked in each other's embrace, for several minutes. Zeva finally pulled away and looked into Duncan's eyes. "I was so worried back at the Chantry. I was sure that you didn't want me anymore."
"No, my darling. I will always want you!" Duncan said softly. "We just need to keep our relationship quiet for awhile, at least until we have defeated the Archdemon. It will be best for everyone if we disrupt the party as little as possible."
Duncan immediately felt her body stiffen and she pulled back quickly. "What? You want to pretend that nothing has changed between us? I am just supposed to walk around, denying the fact that I love you?" Zeva asked, her voice raising dangerously.
"Zeva, listen to me," Duncan said quickly, trying to diffuse her anger. "We both have duties to perform. You know that. Our country is in chaos and there is still a Blight to stop, an Archdemon to kill. We cannot allow our personal feelings to interfere with that."
"Duty? Are you daft? We both almost DIED! I have practically been killed twice now - you do realize that, don't you?" She moved away from him, gesticulating angrily. "I have lost everything I care about in a matter of weeks - my home, my family, my friends - and I almost lost you!"
Zeva was yelling now, tears streaming down her face. "I promised myself on top of that sodding Tower that if the Maker saw fit to save me, I would never waste another moment of my life! I know all about duty, Duncan. I am a Cousland, remember?"
She turned to face him, and he opened his mouth to respond, but shut it again when she shook her head. "No! You will let me finish! I understand that we have a job to do, and I will give my last breath to save Ferelden, but what I will not do is live a lie - not ever again!"
Duncan walked toward her and said gently, "I am not asking you to live a lie, Zeva. I don't want to lose you, either. However, we should be careful, at least for awhile. There are still so many things that could go wrong, and we need to focus on the monumental task ahead. There will be time for us, later,"
He thought this would calm her, but instead he saw the fire burning even brighter in her eyes, and her next statement was like a slap in the face. "You know, Duncan, even Howe is a stronger man than you! At least he will speak out loud what he wants, no matter how vile it may be!"
"Zeva, how..." Duncan began, but she moved quickly, shoving him away from her and breaking his concentration.
"Let me make this easy for you, Commander," she spat the words at him. "This conversation is over! I will do my duty, just as every good Cousland should. And we will speak no more of the situation between you and I, at least for now."
"But, know this," she said, finality ringing in her words, "The next time you speak of your feelings for me, it had better be in front of the entire party! I will not be anyone's 'dirty little secret', Duncan - not Howe's and not yours!" With that, she turned and fled quickly toward the camp, leaving Duncan looking after her, too shocked to move.
Zeva reached the camp and headed straight for her tent, stormed inside and yanked the tent flap down. She threw herself onto the bed and began to sob uncontrollably. What will I do now? she thought angrily. I love him so much!
And he is right, she thought angrily, at least partially. They both had duties to perform and they had to concentrate on stopping the Blight before anything else. But she had told him the truth about the Tower. She had promised herself that she would live whatever life she had remaining to the fullest. Somehow she would make him see that together they could accomplish so much more than they could apart.
Her heart rate returning to normal, she rolled over on her bedroll and stared at the ceiling of her tent. She heard the tent flap move, and looked to the doorway to see Leliana enter slowly. Without a word, the red-head moved to Zeva's bed and pulled her into her lap, rubbing her back and holding her while she cried.
Alistair met Duncan at the entrance to the camp. "What is wrong with Zeva?" Alistair asked, worry darkening his brown eyes. "She came into camp and ran to her tent. Leliana went in and hasn't come back out. Is she upset over the soldiers of Howe's we ran into in Lothering?"
Duncan opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a soft feminine voice, "I am sure 'tis one of the causes," Morrigan spoke softly. "However, I would also include the loss of family, friends, and other loved ones."
She stared angrily at Duncan, and continued, "However, I am sure that all will be right in no time. We are heading to Redcliffe, are we not? I think 'twould be best if we found a 'distraction' for Zeva while we are there, do you not? I am sure there is no lack of proper male companionship."
Morrigan smiled deviously at the look of jealousy which crossed Duncan's face. As she walked away, the men heard her say quietly, "Yes, a real man is exactly what she needs."
Duncan turned away and headed toward his tent, leaving Alistair to wonder if Morrigan was indeed right. And, if she was, would he be an acceptable choice?