And tax season is finally over! I am free again!
I am so terribly sorry about the HUGE delay, but between work and the way my muse fled on me, I have been totally lost! I hope you all still enjoy it!
Lisa - Just when I think that you will beat me up and run because I have been so difficult, you prove how foolish I am once again!
Thanks to everyone who has read and favorited this story!
To the awesome "We Hate Howe Club" and my repeat reviewers: voltagelisa, Lavinia Luscious, zevgirl, Miltonia, CCBug, sandradee27, Nanicane, WitchWeaver,
tgail73, AlexSavard, Constantano, Steve 69, Sharem, Deliciously Weird, Sarkule, Kira Kyuuketsuki, dragonzap93, naomis8329, thnewandrew, turianlover, and Venatoccuria: LOVE YOU! LOVE YOU! LOVE YOU!
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Leliana rose from Zeva's bed when she heard a soft rapping at the bedroom door. The distraught Warden had refused to speak since the moment Sten laid her on the bed. Her only action had been to cross the room and rummage through her pack; removing a pair of gloves before climbing back into bed. Then she'd cried herself to sleep, the unusual prize clutched tightly in her hands. Leliana hadn't had the heart to question the significance of the clothing. She assumed it was connected to Zevran, and any attempt she made to force the information from Zeva would only cause more heartache for the broken young woman.
She carefully opened the door, not wishing to interrupt Zeva's fitful slumber. Arl Eamon stood in the hallway, his eyes filled with sadness. He moved away from the room, motioning for Leliana to follow him.
"How is she, Leliana?" Eamon asked when he eventually turned to face her. He had been furious with Teagan and Fergus for their decision to ambush Zeva and her companions when they returned to the castle; and had refused to accompany them to the courtyard. He knew how deep Zeva's feelings for the elven assassin ran and he was terribly concerned that their careless actions would destroy her. Now, seeing the look of anguish on Leliana's face, he knew he'd been correct.
The bard shook her head and began pacing the hallway as she prepared to speak.
"I don't know how to answer you, Eamon," she said sadly. "I've never seen Zeva act this way, and I am at a complete loss as to how to proceed. I tried holding and consoling her, but she wouldn't accept any of it from me. I was certain that I would receive some sort of reaction, even if it came in the form of a furious fit. Anger I can handle; it's the silence that terrifies me."
Eamon smiled warmly and placed his hands on Leliana's arms. "You have the kindest heart, Leliana, and I know that you would do anything to save Zeva from the pain she is feeling," he said. "However, I think this particular situation may call for a different approach than you would usually employ. Ever since Zeva was a small child, it was her father that she turned to whenever her world seemed to be crashing around her. Now that Bryce is gone, I believe that role falls to me."
Squeezing her arms affectionately, Eamon indicated the nearby stairwell with his head. "Why don't you go and get some rest, my dear?" he suggested quietly. "I will look in on Zeva and see what can be done to help her. We have a long journey ahead and we'll need her if we ever hope to succeed against Loghain."
Leliana nodded and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I don't know how much rest any of us will be getting tonight, but I will do as you ask," she said. "I think I may stop by the kitchen and make myself some tea before I retire. Can I bring you anything?"
"No, thank you," Eamon replied. "However, there is something you can do for me."
"Of course," Leliana answered. "I am at your service, dear Ser."
Eamon's expression darkened and Leliana's smile quickly faded. "If you happen upon my brother or Fergus on your way to the kitchen," he said angrily, "please be so kind as to tell them exactly what their little stunt has done to the woman they both claim to love above all others. I warned them about this rash course of action, but neither was willing to listen to what I had to say; so desperate were they to take revenge on the 'murderous elf' in their midst. Now they will both be forced to face what they've done, and I plan on making sure they answer for it."
Leli nodded silently and hurried down the hall. She wasn't sure what the Arl had in mind, but the furious look in his eyes spoke of the seriousness of his threat. Eamon obviously took his role as Zeva's surrogate father very seriously, and the bard wasn't sure she wished to be in attendance when he next met Teagan and Fergus…
o~~~~~~~~o
Morrigan had barely opened Flemeth's grimoire and begun reading when she heard a quiet scratching coming from the balcony outside her room. She smiled as she closed the book and tucked it into a nearby travel pouch.
"Somehow I knew you would find your way back into the castle," she said as Zevran slipped in through the now-open door; shaking the leaves from his leathers. "I must say, I am less than pleased with this evening's turn of events. I had hoped to have more time to prepare for the inevitable discovery of your deceptions."
Zevran snorted softly as he sat down in front of the fireplace and began warming his hands before the open flame. "You are less than pleased?" he said, shaking his head in disbelief. "Imagine my own feelings for a moment, if you would. I have just been banished from the side of the woman I adore; the woman with whom your mother so vehemently declared that I was destined to remain. I knew the day would come when I would be forced to answer for my crimes; but never in my greatest nightmares did I imagine how horrible that confrontation would be, or how much it would hurt."
"Of course you didn't," Morrigan replied, crossing her arms over her chest. "When you began your journey with our lovely Warden, you believed her to be yet another conquest in a long line of victims. Men like you don't love; such emotion is too complicated and messy. Yet, somehow, Zeva has managed to work the same magic on you that she has unintentionally used on all her current companions…" She paused before continuing, "…myself included."
Zevran turned to her, a small smile on his face. "You know, Morrigan," he observed, "I think this may be the first time since we met that I truly believe what you say. You and I are so much alike in the way we view the world. People we interact with are tolerated for what they can offer us, and we both manipulate the circumstances around us in order to advance our own causes. Yet here we are, both willing to sacrifice so much of ourselves for the sake of one woman. Your mother may have indeed been correct when she said that Zeva will change the world. She has certainly changed all those who know her.
So," he continued, sighing heavily, "what do we do now? I know I am to remain at Zeva's side, but I am at a loss as to how to proceed. She won't listen to anything I have to say, at least not now, and I'll be under immediate attack if I am discovered by Duncan, Teagan or Fergus. Regardless of these facts, I cannot leave. She is more precious to me than life itself, and I can't be without her."
Morrigan smiled. Her mother, it now appeared, had been correct in her assessment of the Warden's companions. The elf was the one who would be her champion.
"You've spoken to my mother, Zevran," she began. "Did she appear to be someone who wouldn't have planned for this eventuality?"
Zevran chuckled, the weight of his current circumstances lessening somewhat as he beheld the confidence in the witch's face. "No, she didn't," he replied. "In the very short time that I knew your mother, she seemed to have a tight grip on everything that happened around our beautiful Warden. What are our options, according to the now-deceased Witch of the Wilds?"
"I have already set plans in motion to reunite you with Zeva," Morrigan answered. "When Mother first became aware of your role in the Warden's future, she knew it was vital that she learn everything there was to know about the organization to which you belonged. Flemeth had developed relationships with many political groups during her long life and she used those to make contact with several high-ranking members of the Crows. I was sent as her agent to meet with some of them in a Wilds' village near our home. Favors were exchanged and when all was said and done, I'd solidified Flemeth's alliance with the Crows."
Zevran frowned slightly. He wasn't sure that he liked where this conversation was headed. There were far too many scenarios that led to danger for Zeva.
Morrigan sensed the elf's unease and smiled. "No need to panic, assassin," she said. "The arrangement was never meant to harm Zeva. Flemeth simply wanted to keep an eye on the activities of your former masters. Since the moment I left the Wilds with Zeva and that imbecilic Warden companion of hers, I have kept in touch with Flemeth's contacts. 'Tis an arrangement that has proved thus far to be quite useful."
"So you knew of my attempt to kidnap Zeva before we met?" Zevran asked.
"I knew I would be facing your associates at some point," she answered, "but I wasn't aware of the specific moment of the attack."
Zevran sighed, knowing the moment of truth was upon him. "I assume you are sharing this information with me now for a reason, Morrigan?" he asked warily.
"As always, you see the truth of things," she began in reply. "Recently I have become aware of a new possible threat to Zeva from within the ranks of the Crows."
"Another kidnapping attempt?" Zevran interrupted, rising from his seat on the floor. He was instantly on alert. He'd known the Crows would never give up on their contract with Howe. In fact, he'd been quite surprised that they hadn't already made a move against the Wardens. The Antivan assassins weren't exactly known for their patience when it came to their duty to a client.
"Not exactly," the witch replied. "You see, the contract with Howe was broken when Flemeth offered your Crow masters a better deal. They agreed to abandon their search for the Wardens in return for certain magical relics that my mother had collected over the years."
"What is this new danger, then?" the frustrated elf demanded. He knew any possible threat to Zeva had to be dealt with as soon as possible.
"Well, Zevran, it appears that someone within the Crows has taken a personal interest in the continued existence of our lovely Zeva," Morrigan answered. "To put it plainly, one of your former comrades wants her dead."
The shocked look on Zevran's face mirrored the confusion in his heart. No Crow would be foolish enough to act against the wishes of his or her masters by attempting to assassinate a protected client. Well, none but himself, that is…
"And before you ask," the raven-haired witch continued, "I do not have any details regarding the identity of the potential killer. The threat to Zeva's life is still only a rumor; though my Crow contact was fairly certain that, if given enough time, he would be able to ferret out the renegade assassin."
"If given enough time?" Zevran said, his voice rising to match his growing concern. "This isn't a game, Morrigan! The Crows are a true threat to Zeva and we need to act on this information now, not later." He dropped his face into his hands and massaged his temples in an attempt to stifle the headache that he felt growing behind his eyes. "And now I am no longer at her side to protect her…"
"Calm yourself, elf, before someone hears you," Morrigan spat. "I am well aware of the severity of this threat, and I have no intention of waiting for my contact to perform his due diligence. Therefore, in order to bring the would-be murderer to light and to assist you in returning to Zeva's side as quickly as possible, I have taken matters into my own hands."
Zevran stared at the mage, his eyes filling with distrust. He didn't like the smug look that was covering her face. "What have you done, witch?" he demanded. "If you have endangered my Zeva's life, I will make you pay."
"My actions are guided, as they have been from the beginning of this journey, by a need to protect Zeva until she can reach her full potential," Morrigan retorted, her hands beginning to glow. "Every decision I make is in her best interest, whether the rest of you ignorant fools believe it or not. Now, if you are quite done threatening me, I will tell you of my plans."
"Fine," Zevran said, once more taking a seat before the fire. "It's not as though I have many options, now do I?"
"No, you don't," Morrigan replied. "Following the horrific scene in the courtyard, I knew I needed to act quickly if I was to reunite you with your beloved so that you may protect her from all that is to come. I returned here and penned a message to my Crow contacts in Denerim; informing them that the Wardens would soon be arriving in the city."
"You WHAT?" Zevran asked, his fury clear to see. "You know how the Antivan Crows work. If the agents there know about Zeva's imminent arrival, the assassin who seeks to kill her will likely know, as well."
"Exactly," Morrigan replied sternly. "I have no doubt that an attempt will be made on Zeva's life shortly after we arrive in Denerim. And you, my dear elf, will be there to insure that your former companions fail."
Zevran shook his head in disbelief. Once again, he was endangering the welfare of the woman he loved for his own personal gain. And would this ruse even work? "Of course I will be there to keep Zeva from harm," he said, "but to what end? She will not be so easily swayed by one act of heroism on my part."
His eyes widened when Morrigan started to chuckle. "You truly know nothing of our lovely Warden's feelings for you, do you?" she asked, a wry smile curving her lips. "She may have given her devotion to the useless Warden Commander, but her soul belongs to you. This became crystal clear in the courtyard tonight, when she refused to avenge the death of her family. Had anyone else been named in that whiny Arlessa's letter, myself included, she wouldn't have hesitated to draw her blade and end their life. But you? No, she could never kill you."
Morrigan rose and poured two goblets of wine from a nearby jug; handing one to Zevran before sitting down next to him. "I have never been one to gamble, Zevran," she explained, "but I would wager my own life that she is in her bedroom right now, wondering how she will survive without you. It is our job to make sure that she has the excuse she needs to welcome you back into her life. This attack, though extreme, is our best chance to achieve that goal. You must trust that I know what I am doing."
Zevran gazed into the firelight, his heart pounding wildly in his chest. While he hated to think of Zeva in any sort of pain, it thrilled him to imagine that she would be so desperate for his return. He didn't trust the witch and never would. But if it meant that he would get to hold his beloved Warden in his arms again, he would aid Morrigan in whatever tasks she assigned to him.
"Fine," he said softly. "We will do this your way, Morrigan. What comes next?"
The mage's eyes flashed triumphantly as she began to lay out her plans for her reluctant partner…
o~~~~~~~~o
Eamon entered Zeva's bedroom and silently moved toward the bed, climbed on top of the covers and rested his back against the headboard. He watched the unmoving Warden for several minutes before speaking.
"You can stop pretending to be asleep now, Zeva," he said softly. "Leliana is gone and we are alone."
Zeva barely moved, but Eamon could sense a change in her breathing pattern. Obviously it was going to take more effort to break through the protective wall she'd built around her emotions.
"I have known you since you were just a baby, Zeva Cousland," he began, "and I have been present for nearly every pivotal moment in your life. I might even be so bold as to say that there is no one else still alive who understands you in quite the same way that I do. As such, I can feel the torment that you are attempting to keep buried deep inside."
The slight tremor in Zeva's shoulders told him that his words were beginning to penetrate her barriers. One final push should be all he needed to demolish them completely…
"You have always been a stubborn girl, Zeva," he continued, "and I am sure that you feel that you can conquer the pain that is threatening to destroy you by simply ignoring it. Well, my dear, I have no intention of allowing you to continue down such a self-destructive path. I will sit here all night and through the day tomorrow, if need be. Bryce would never forgive me if I allowed his beloved daughter to bear the weight of this particular burden alone. And he would never forgive you for pushing away all those who care for you during your time of need."
The anguished cry that tore from Zeva's throat as she turned and threw herself into the Arl's arms broke his heart. He pulled the sobbing young woman close and ran his hand gently down her back; shedding his own silent tears of grief for all that they'd both lost over the last few months.
Eamon held tight to Zeva and bent down, placing the softest of kisses on the top of her head. "That's it, my dear," he whispered kindly. "Let it all out. You cannot hope to move forward if you hold all that you feel inside. It will only succeed in tearing you apart."
Several minutes later, as the worst of the sobs began to subside, Zeva lifted her head and looked up at Eamon. The anguish in her eyes fueled his fury at Fergus and Teagan once more, and he vowed to make both men pay for their arrogant and callous ambush of Zeva and her companions.
"I… I am s-sorry, Eamon," Zeva said, her speech broken by choked gasps for breath. "Y-you must think I have l-lost all s-sense. We h-have a k-kingdom to s-save and here I am, m-mourning the loss of the m-man who k-killed my family." She stopped and took several deep breaths in an attempt to regain some control of her emotions. The procedure seemed to work and Eamon could feel the trembling in her limbs slowly ebb away.
"Nonsense, Zeva," he said and frowned slightly. "I think nothing of the sort. The betrayal you experienced tonight would cause even the strongest of warriors to falter."
Fresh tears filled the young woman's eyes and slid down her face. "I was such a fool, Eamon," she asked. "Everyone told me that I should be cautious in my dealings with him and still I didn't listen. I was sure they were all wrong and that I could see something in him that they all missed. In the end, I was wrong. I have no one else to blame for my pain."
"Oh," Eamon replied casually, "you thought I was speaking of the Antivan, then? No, Zeva. I was referring to the way Fergus and Teagan betrayed you with their theatrical revelations in the courtyard. It is, in my opinion, completely unforgivable. "
Zeva's eyes narrowed, the confusion evident on her face. "They were simply looking out for me…" she began. She stopped when the Arl began shaking his head vehemently.
"They were doing nothing of the sort," he huffed angrily. "The only thing Fergus was thinking about was his desire for revenge. And Teagan…" Eamon had to pause a moment to collect himself before continuing. "His motives were even less honorable. No doubt he was driven to reveal the assassin's sins by some twisted need to remove a potential romantic rival from your life."
Zeva pulled away and sat up in the bed, crossing her legs beneath her. "But what about Zevran, Eamon?" she asked wearily. "He is the true betrayer. He led me to believe that he cared for me, that he wanted to help me stop Howe's madness; all the while knowing that he had helped the monster to destroy my family. If not for Isolde's warning, I might never have known the truth."
Eamon laughed mirthlessly. "Ahh, yes…" he began. "Let's talk about Isolde's warning, shall we? I may never have admitted it aloud before, but my wife has never in her life done anything for anyone that did not include some benefit to herself. She didn't send that letter to protect you and Fergus, Zeva. I may not be able to say for certain what her plans were when she penned it, but I can assure you that she intended it to cause harm to you and to aid some nefarious cause of her own."
Zeva's mouth fell open in shock and Eamon smiled warmly at her. "Do not mistake me, Zeva," he continued. "Your Antivan assassin is not innocent of wrongdoing. His organization aided Howe in the attack on your home and he had no right to keep that information from you. But think for a moment, if you would. I have an entire army under my command. The men who follow me would do anything to protect Redcliffe and to insure that it thrives. Refusal to follow any of my orders would mean the end of their careers. I think – and this is simply my opinion, of course – that the penalty for disobeying a Crow master's orders is far more permanent that that."
As the Arl's words began to sink in, Zeva's limbs began to shiver anew. Zevran had been raised to be a murderer; why would he not follow his masters' directions when it came to the attack on her home? After all, he knew nothing of her before that night; just as she knew nothing of him. Would things truly have been different if he'd been told of Howe's true plans? He'd sworn to her in the courtyard that such was the case. But even if his words had been true, could she ever trust him again?
"I see I have given you something to think about," Eamon said, smiling down at Zeva. "I know my observations will be unpopular with certain members of your party, and I am fine with that. Your Warden Commander, in particular, will be displeased with me. However, they are not my concern. You are. I am not saying that you should welcome the elf back with open arms, but I would suggest maintaining an open mind when you next see him."
Zeva shook her head sadly. "I won't be seeing him again, Eamon," she whispered as the tears she'd fought to hide once more filled her eyes. "I sent him away. I actually told him that I would kill him if he ever came near me again. Zevran may be stubborn, but he is no fool. He will never return and endanger his own life."
"Ahh, my dearest Zeva," Eamon said softly. The smile on his face in that moment reminded her so very much of her father. "While I am no longer a young man, I am not so old that I have forgotten the look a man carries in his eyes when he is in love. That look was clear for all to see whenever your assassin looked at you. You may have warned him away, but he will be unable to obey that particular command. Of this I have no doubt."
"I think you are mistaking love for lust, Eamon," Zeva said sadly. Though her heart leapt at his words, she couldn't allow them to linger long in her mind. It would make the pain of his departure even harder to bear.
Eamon's gaze turned severe, and he crossed his arms over his chest. "I am mistaking nothing, Zeva Cousland, and you know it," he scolded. "You and I are alone here, and there will be no secrets between us. You may attempt to hide your feelings from the others, but you will not hide them from me."
A feeling of relief slowly crept over Zeva as she stared at the irritated Arl. She'd finally found someone that she could speak to about her conflicted emotions – someone she was certain would refrain from passing judgment on her. Taking a deep breath, she allowed the walls she'd built around her heart to slowly crumble away.
"There is obviously something wrong with me, Eamon," she began, shaking her head in disbelief of her situation. "Zevran helped to destroy my family. Yet, even now, I would give anything to see him walk through that door. What kind of monster does that make me?"
Eamon opened his arms and gestured toward Zeva. "Come here," he said gently. The young Warden once more slid into his embrace and rested her head on his chest. "You are not a monster, Zeva, and there is nothing wrong with you. You have the kindest and strongest heart of anyone I have ever known. Right now, that heart is held by not one, but two men. The situation may be rare, but it's not impossible; and it's certainly nothing to be ashamed of."
"I love Duncan, Eamon," Zeva began, "and I will never leave him. Not for anyone. Yet the connection that I share with Zevran is unlike anything I have ever known before. I know everyone expected me to kill him for his actions against my family, but I simply couldn't. I don't think I ever could. Isn't that wrong?"
"No, Zeva," Eamon replied. "That isn't wrong. We do not choose those to whom we give our love. It simply happens when we least expect it. I know that you adore your Warden Commander – that much is clear whenever you are near him – but that doesn't mean that your feelings for Zevran are any less real or powerful. It is time for you to accept those feelings and allow them to strengthen you instead of tearing you down."
The Arl paused a moment, hugging Zeva tightly before continuing, "There will come a time in the not-too-distant future when you will meet your elven assassin again. This is as certain as the coming of the new day. When you do, I suggest that you keep this conversation in mind. No one is without sin, Zeva, and often our crimes are committed through no choice of our own. While he may have been a part of the attack on Highever, Zevran was not the mastermind. That was Rendon Howe. Place the blame where it truly belongs and your heart will lead you to the right course of action."
Zeva smiled for the first time since arriving in the courtyard. Eamon was right. Rendon Howe was the true enemy, and she would meet him soon enough. When she did, he would be made to pay for every crime committed against her family – every last one. As for Zevran… only time would tell if Eamon was correct in his prediction. When and if she met her handsome elf again, she would follow her heart.
In the meantime…
"I cannot even begin to thank you enough for your time and attention this evening, Eamon," Zeva said, her voice one more filled with its usual strength. "I have never felt as lost as I did tonight. Leliana tried her best to help, but she couldn't give me what I needed."
"That's because you needed your father, my dear," Eamon replied sadly. "There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss him terribly, and I know the same is true for you. Though I can never replace him, I want you to know that you can come to me whenever you feel the need for a father's presence. You are my family now, Zeva, even if you aren't of my own blood. Never forget that."
Zeva sighed contently and squeezed Eamon affectionately. "Father is watching over all of us now and I know he would want us to stay strong and save Ferelden from Loghain and the Blight," she said. "To succeed, we both need some rest. You are still recovering from your illness and I have kept you up long enough. You should head back to your room and get some sleep."
Eamon laughed heartily. "I think not, Zeva!" he declared. "I will be sleeping right here tonight. Leliana only agreed to return to her room because I told her that I would watch over you. I will not anger our lovely red-headed Chantry sister by disobeying her orders!"
"She can be quite frightening when provoked," Zeva joked. She reached up and placed a kiss on his cheek before climbing under the covers. "Thank you again, Eamon. I owe you more than I can ever repay."
Eamon lay down next to Zeva and stared up at the darkened ceiling. Though he knew he should get some sleep, he simply couldn't relax. His mind was filled with thoughts of his estranged wife and her letter.
What are you up to, Isolde? he worried. And what other schemes have you set in motion for Zeva and her companions?
o~~~~~~~~o
Eamon quietly rose from the bed as the first rays of sun shone through the stained glass windows in Zeva's room. He reached down and tucked the covers around the sleeping Warden's shoulders, placing a soft kiss on her forehead before heading to his own room to get ready for the day. He hoped to be gone from Redcliffe within a fortnight and there was an astronomical amount of work to be done if he was to meet his schedule.
The Arl arrived in the breakfast room after a quick bath and change of clothes. Most of Zeva's companions were in attendance, as well as Fergus and Teagan. Despite the number of individuals seated around the dining table, the room was eerily silent. All eyes turned to Eamon as Leliana rose from the table and rushed to his side.
"How is she?" she asked nervously. The bard's eyes were devoid of their usual shine and she looked as though she hadn't slept at all.
"She is resting," Eamon replied as he reached down and brushed a lock of hair from Leliana's eyes. "She had returned to her old self before she drifted off to sleep this morning. Therefore, I think it would be best if everyone refrained from mentioning the events of last night again." He paused a moment and fixed a furious glare on both Teagan and Fergus. "Or would the two of you care to twist the knife in a little deeper and see if you can completely destroy the best hope for our success against Loghain?"
Fergus looked back at Eamon in shock, but it was Teagan who spoke; rising quickly from his seat. "Eamon!" he cried indignantly. "You know that it was never our intention to cause Zeva any harm! In fact, my only concern was to insure that the murderous elf that killed her family would be kept from further injuring Zeva. I would never…"
Leliana's eyes opened wide as Eamon pushed past her and approached his brother, grabbing the younger Guerrin by the front of his shirt. "Never your intention to harm her?" he yelled, shaking Teagan harshly. "Do you take me for a complete fool, Teagan? Neither you nor Fergus took one moment to think of what would happen to Zeva when you decided to pull your little ruse in front of everyone! I warned you about how she would react and the pain that she would feel at the news, but did either of you listen to me? Of course not! You were both too concerned with your own selfish needs!"
He threw Teagan away from him and turned, his fists clenched tightly at his sides. He took several deep breaths to regain some semblance of control before turning back toward Fergus. The Teyrn looked positively sick; and he never spoke a word as Eamon continued. "You came dangerously close to losing your sister to her own anguish last night, Fergus," he said, his voice clearly conveying his anger. "If you doubt me, you can ask Leliana. She witnessed the results of your handiwork first hand before I arrived in Zeva's room. We have a difficult fight ahead, and we will need Zeva at her best if we are to have any chance at success. Therefore, I do not expect any more arguments from you with regards to ANY decisions that she chooses to make – in battle or in her personal life. Have I made myself perfectly clear?"
Fergus couldn't speak; he simply nodded his head slowly to indicate his acquiescence to the Arl's demands.
"Good," Eamon said firmly. "Now that we have settled that matter, I do believe we need to begin making plans for our departure." He looked around the room and noticed for the first time that Duncan was nowhere to be seen. "Where is the Warden Commander? I was hoping to discuss security for the trip with him."
"I haven't seen him this morning, Eamon," Leliana said sadly. "Though, if I know Duncan, he is probably in his room with Zeva, checking on her condition. I was actually quite surprised that he agreed to stay away last night. He has never been willing to step aside when he thinks that she may need help."
Eamon nodded and took a seat at the table. A servant immediately appeared with a plate of steaming food. "Sit with me then, Leliana," he said and indicated the chair at his right. "Since the rest of your party is here, we can begin assigning tasks in preparation for the trip to Denerim."
As more refreshments were brought from the kitchen for the party's comfort, Eamon laid out his plans for the journey.
o~~~~~~~~o
Zeva stepped from behind her dressing curtain as the door to her room opened and Duncan stepped in. He looked as awful as she felt, and the memory of the way she'd treated him in the courtyard came rushing back; filling her with immediate guilt.
"Can I come in?" he asked quietly.
Zeva pulled her hair back in a thick ribbon as she replied, "Of course you can. This is your room, too."
"Is it?" he asked, his eyes filled with fear. Despite Leliana's assurances to the contrary, Duncan was now certain that Zeva's feelings for Zevran were strong enough to pull her away from him.
"Oh, Duncan," Zeva replied. Moving swiftly across the room, she took his face in her hands; forcing him to look directly into her eyes. "Of course this is your room, too. Nothing that happened last night changes the way I feel for you. You have to know that."
"I want to believe it," he said sadly. "I really do. But, Zeva, you cannot deny the effect that Zevran's departure had on you. I have never seen you in such pain, and I can't help but think that it is the result of some deeper feelings that you have for him."
Zeva sighed heavily and shook her head. "Duncan," she began cautiously, "my feelings for Zevran have always been complicated. I think we both know that. I trusted him, really trusted him, and the way I feel now that I know that he has been lying to me for so long is something that I can barely understand, myself. I certainly don't expect anyone else to understand it."
She took him by the hand and led him over to the bed, climbing onto it and crossing her legs beneath her. He followed suit and sat down at her side. "Is it pain?" she mused, more to herself than Duncan. "Yes. It is possibly the worst pain I have ever felt in my life, with the exception of the death of my parents and the way I felt when I thought you were lost at Ostagar. I thought I knew him so well, that I was the one person to whom he could confess all of his sins. Yet all the time he was with me, he was hiding the most important sin of all. And I don't know if I can ever forgive that lie of omission. Even if he wasn't directly responsible for the attack on Highever, he was there. There were so many opportunities for him to tell me, and he never did."
"That is because he wanted you as his own, Zeva," Duncan interrupted. "What man wants to tell the woman he is pursuing that he helped to murder her entire family? Not really the best way to make a good impression."
Zeva couldn't help but chuckle. "I see your point," she replied. She turned toward him and took his hands in her own. "I need you to listen to me. Zevran was my dearest friend. I know he would have taken more if I'd allowed it, but that is beside the point. The pain I feel is due to the loss of that friendship. It does not stem from some desire I had to run away with him." Though she knew this was partially a lie, nothing would be served by telling Duncan about the feelings she'd realized during her conversation with Eamon. No matter how deep her feelings for Zevran ran, they would never erase her love for Duncan.
"I love you so much, Zeva," Duncan said and pulled her into his arms, claiming her mouth in a passionate kiss. When their lips parted, he stared deep into her eyes. "It would kill me to lose you."
"You never will lose me, my love," Zeva replied, brushing her lips softly against his. "Not to Zevran or anyone else. I love you more than anyone else in this world, and I will be at your side until the end. I swear this to you."
Duncan rolled his lover onto her back and climbed atop her, settling comfortably between her legs. "Don't tell me," he whispered huskily. "Show me."
"As you command, my handsome Warden," Zeva purred as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his lips once more to her own.
By the time the lovers met with their companions, breakfast was long over and lunch was being served…
o~~~~~~~~o
The next several days flew by in a blur as the Wardens' companions provided support to Eamon and his men in their efforts to prepare their army for departure from Redcliffe. Sten and Oghren worked with the soldiers to fortify the army's supply wagons. Leliana and Wynne were tasked with providing medicine for the trip. The bard had a knack for locating rare herbs and plants, and she genuinely enjoyed the elderly mage's company.
Morrigan declared, in no uncertain terms, that she could not be bothered to aid in the packing efforts. She told Zeva that her talents would be best served by studying Flemeth's grimoire and preparing some much needed poisons for the soldiers' weapons. The Warden relented after several of the servant's informed her that they would prefer to avoid having to deal with the 'scary woman' in the upstairs study.
That left Zeva, Duncan and Alistair. The Wardens spent much of their time in Eamon's war room, planning the details of the journey and replying to letters from various noble houses with regards to the upcoming Landsmeet. The news of Alistair's birth had spread through the neighboring bannorns like wildfire, and noble women were already seeking information on the marital status of the soon-to-be king. Alistair would normally have been quite cross with the amount of teasing he received from Zeva; but seeing her smile once again was worth every moment of embarrassment.
While no one was obvious in their intentions, Zeva knew that she was being watched closely by each and every member of her party. It was as if they were waiting for the next emotional breakdown. Though she found it infuriating, she couldn't blame them for their concern. The scene in the courtyard had shaken them all, and she knew it would be a while before any of them would truly believe that she had moved past Zevran's betrayal and subsequent departure.
She hadn't moved past it, of course; and she was beginning to wonder if she ever would. She caught herself turning to him for his advice several times a day, only to remember that he was no longer at her side. The pain was still crippling, but she was slowly learning how to block it out and, more importantly, how to hide it from anyone that would worry about her. Eamon, alone, knew the full extent of her loss and he called her to his study nearly every night for "private discussions". The term had become a secret code between them. In the privacy of his office, she could cry without fear of being unmasked and interrogated. By the time she returned to her bedroom and her beloved Warden Commander, her emotions would once more be under control.
While her relationship with Duncan continued to grow and flourish, her relationship with Fergus had come to a crashing halt. The siblings were civil whenever there were decisions to be made with regards to the trip, but Zeva's failure to kill Zevran hung between them like an impenetrable barrier. Fergus' guilt at having ambushed Zeva only made matters worse. The Teyrn simply didn't know how to approach the subject of the incident without causing Zeva still more anguish.
o~~~~~~~~o
It was the night before the departure from Redcliffe when Leliana decided she'd finally had enough of the tension between the Cousland siblings. She found Fergus in his room, packing the last of his belongings.
"How long do you intend to continue avoiding your sister?" she demanded as she stepped into the room and closed the door quietly behind her. She crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for him to reply.
Fergus dropped the book he was holding into one of his bags and turned to her, his expression unreadable. "I don't know what you're talking about," he replied curtly. "I haven't been avoiding Zeva. As a matter of fact, I just left a meeting with her not more than an hour ago."
The Teyrn nearly flinched as he saw the anger flash in her eyes. "A meeting, you say?" she asked sardonically. "Well, forgive me! I had no idea how wrong I was! I am sure this meeting was simply full of discussion about your disintegrating relationship, wasn't it?"
"No, Leliana, it wasn't!" Fergus retorted angrily. "It was about the proper number of soldiers that should be placed between each group of caravan wagons! THAT I can discuss with Zeva! What I cannot discuss with her is the destruction I wrought in the courtyard several nights ago when I helped to break her heart!"
"Well, at least you'll admit it now," the bard replied quietly. When he didn't comment, she continued. "I think I am the wrong person to admit it to, however. The right person for such a discussion just left the castle and headed into the nearby forest; claiming she needed time alone before we left for Denerim."
Fergus looked at Leliana in disbelief. How this one woman managed to constantly break through his well-constructed emotional walls was something that he needed to explore closely as soon as time permitted. He sighed heavily and held up his hands before him in a gesture of surrender.
"Fine," he said. "You win. I will go and speak with Zeva, though what I am going to say is completely beyond me."
Leliana smiled and Fergus fought off the butterflies that fluttered in his stomach. "I think 'I'm sorry' would be a perfect start," she suggested. "Also, you need to tell her that you forgive her for not killing Zevran."
"Why didn't she kill him, Leli?" he asked sadly. Though he knew it would have broken Zeva, the Teyrn still regretted his decision to allow the assassin to walk away unscathed.
"It's simple, Fergus," Leliana replied. "She loves him."
"What?" he asked. "What about Duncan?"
"I didn't say that she was in love with him, Fergus," Leli explained. "I said that she loves him. Her bond with Zevran was stronger than any I have ever seen before. She would have given her life for him without a second thought. And he would have done the same for her. Still would, I'd wager."
"But he killed our family!" the frustrated Cousland argued. "She cannot possibly care for him after that!"
"Did he kill them, Fergus?" she asked, her arms once again crossed over her chest. "Did he really? Or was that Howe and his men?"
Fergus shook his head furiously. "It doesn't matter, Leli," he declared. "If he was in my home when my wife and child were brutally murdered, then he is responsible. And he should be made to pay for that!"
It was Leliana's turn to shake her head. "You know what, Fergus?" she began. "I think it would be best if you didn't go to see Zeva right now. She needs support that you are obviously incapable or unwilling to provide." The bard's eyes were filled with sadness as she turned and opened the bedroom door.
"Wait, Leli! I…" Fergus began. He stopped when the beautiful red-head turned around and looked back at him.
"I am so sorry that you lost your wife and child, Fergus," she said quietly. "I have endured many types of pain, but that is one that I cannot even begin to comprehend. I hope that you can someday begin to heal and move on. Maybe then you will be able to reconnect with your sister - if it isn't too late by then."
Fergus watched her retreating form, wondering if he would ever be truly happy again.
o~~~~~~~~o
In the depths of the forest, Zeva sat silently by the pond; skipping rocks across the moonlit surface. Duncan had suggested the change of scenery, understanding that Zeva needed time alone to prepare for the upcoming trip. He also hoped that it would give her a chance to say her final farewell to Zevran. Her cheerful demeanor wasn't fooling him in the least. He knew she still mourned the loss of the elf and he wanted to give her every opportunity to put some of the pain to rest.
She had similar ideas, though she hadn't vocalized them to her lover. She knew she needed to forget about Zevran, no matter how hard it would be. So she'd come to the lake to think upon her time with her elven assassin and find some way to reconcile her feelings.
She gazed over the shoreline, smiling as she remembered the chase that led to her impromptu dip in the cool waters. Almost as soon as the smile appeared, it vanished once again. Tears sprung to her eyes as she recalled the gentle way Zevran held her in the center of the lake. Her fingers unconsciously moved to her lips, the memory of his tender kisses forever imprinted there.
"Oh, Zevran," she said aloud, her voice carrying clearly across the silent sanctuary. "Where are you? Eamon says that you will return; and despite my better judgment, I desperately want to believe him. I must really be insane. You may have aided in the killing of my family, yet I would give anything to see you one more time."
She rose from the ground and approached a nearby rock. Carefully she extracted the Dalish gloves she'd found in the Brecilian Forest from a pocket in her armor and placed them upon the smooth, cool surface.
"Goodbye, my beloved Zevran," she said as she turned from the lake, the tears she'd been fighting slowly sliding down her cheeks. "I will never forget you."
With a final glimpse back at the water, she vanished into the trees. Morning would come much too soon; and with it, the long trek to Denerim. And Duncan was waiting for her. Time to move forward and leave the past behind…
o~~~~~~~~o
She'd been gone only a few minutes when a shadowed figure dropped down from a nearby tree. Zevran approached the rock that had held Zeva's attention and gazed down at the proffered gift. Tears filled his eyes as he gently picked them up and held them close to his face; breathing in the scent of his beautiful Warden.
He'd been headed to Morrigan's room to sleep when he saw Zeva exit the castle and enter the woods. He knew exactly where she was headed and raced ahead of her, hiding in a tree near the water's edge so that he could watch her without being discovered.
He never expected her to speak; and her words nearly drove him from hiding. The urge to take her in his arms and ease her suffering was nearly too hard to resist. But his plans with Morrigan had to move forward. He knew the only way to be accepted back into Zeva's party was to rescue her from the renegade Crow who sought to end her life. He sent a silent prayer to the Spirits that it would be enough.
Before resuming his journey back to the castle, he turned and looked back at the water. "We will be together again soon, my love," he whispered, clutching the gloves tightly to his chest. "And when we are, no one will ever part us again."