Night Terror

Chapter 3

*Trigger Warning*: Language and feels

The hour, as it turned out, went by in a snail's pace. Bruce was sitting anxiously by Loki's bedside in the infirmary, clenching and unclenching his hands as the skin felt raw and he tried not to imagine the slickness of the blood that was soaked onto his gloves just moments before. Meanwhile, Steve stood outside the clear door, one hand resting beneath his chin and his blue eyes darting from the pale, fallen teammate and the clock that ticked by loudly and colossally slow even for each passing second.

Steve was almost certain this was what experiencing hell would be like.

He chewed his bottom lip in thought and waited with agitated and fraying nerves. He felt bubbles of anxiety ballooning out from his stomach and it made him want to scream into the air or giggle hysterically-anything to let the energy out and be rid of his form. He wished desperately for the hour to go by quicker because he and Bruce were too busy waiting for the other shoe to drop than to assess what exactly transpired in the situation and how they were going to break the news to the team. They were eerily prepared for what was about to go wrong before it even happened-whether Loki would reject the blood transfusion, the ultimate outcome of his head trauma, how he'd survive without a spleen and how important such an organ was or was not for his species, along with a dozen others-as if they could even predict any of those situations from happening let alone have a practical game plan to deal with them if they did.

That is, if… if Loki would even survive the rest of the night.

Steve sighed and drew a hand down the side of his face. He couldn't think like that. It was… too much. He was…surprised when Tony made the announcement that he was dating the trickster-Steve could see the situation so clearly in his mind's eye again: the way Loki had been sitting on the edge of the couch, Tony's rough hand on his shoulder, rooting them to the here and now and Tony exclaiming that they were in a relationship that made Loki roll his eyes and look up to him with an amused stare. He remembered the way the gravelly voice had said, "That's how you're introducing us?" with the sweet smirk that laid upon the trickster's features regardless. He had then taken in Tony's body, pressing up to him closely and tightly, forehead close to the side of Tony's head and breathing in his scent.

They'd stayed like that for a minute or two but it was Barton who called bullshit and then Tony was fervently kissing Loki on the mouth, exploring his oral cavity with his tongue and swooping out a hand behind the trickster to grab at his ass. The demigod had stiffened automatically, in a way that had indicated to Steve, as an outsider, that that type of move was unexplored up until this point in their relationship but Loki had just admonished Tony with a deep stare, amusement on his tongue as he whispered, "I told you to behave, mortal."

Tony let slip a cheeky grin as he laughed, biting lightly onto Loki's lower lip. "But I know how much you like surprises." He implored, eyes filled with mischief.

Loki's irises flashed with an emotion Tony was too slow in catching as he raised a brow and answered, "I hate surprises."

Tony made it a point to decrease his grin to a smirk, "Okay," he breathed instead, pushing back a long strand of hair from the demigod's face.

Loki sighed, and brushed a pale hand into his partner's hair in response, noticing at the corner of his eye the mistrust and plain anger that resided in his brother's face. It made the blood boil in Loki's body to see the clear angry hue on Thor's cheeks and the way his blue eyes were narrowed and full of judgment and suspicion. Loki bit back the urge to yell or throttle his elder sibling and instead focused on his partner, watching every detail of his face as they took each other in, pretty much forgetting they were in a room full of people. Strangers, practically, to Loki, when he thought of it a little more.

But they were his love's strangers, so he had to put up with them.

Loki sighed when Thor clattered out of the room and Tony pinched his cheek, offering a sign of encouragement.

"He'll come around," he said softly and Loki looked back at him with such a longing sadness that Tony wasn't so sure his words were true.

"Maybe," Loki had relented and his gaze flickered over to the small crowd, finding each of their sets of eyes looking back at him like he was a specimen in a museum. It made his heart flutter with annoyance because of how much he felt like another long lost stolen relic but he tried to remind himself that these people were his new family, because, if Thor was any indication at the moment, his original family were a bunch of cowards and hateful pricks that didn't deserve his presence of being. He tried to convince himself of this, knowing it to be the words that Stark would use and coach him through but it was still hard. It was still hard not to have a family. It was still hard not to feel loved. Even when he had his most important person by his side now, it still just didn't feel like it was enough…

In his ponderings, he found the gaze of the super soldier and instead of finding contempt and hatred, he found, what he could only understand later to be acceptance and…perhaps, peace.

Steve seemed to see through him in that one look and he'd frowned, not agreeing with Tony's perception of the trickster-it was still so early on from when he had returned to their home planet-but he had accepted them.

Steve had hoped that in his glance Loki could witness the humanity that he had been searching for after all this time. Steve wanted peace and he didn't want to form new wars against beings and creatures he knew very little about more than he had to. If Tony was accepting Loki where he was, he could offer his own wisdom and certainty to the puzzle. If Tony trusted him and Loki wasn't about to begin another battle that existed bigger and broader than himself, than Steve could accept that Tony had some idea of what he was doing and that, with time, they could all learn to trust their new team member.

So, with that, Steve had loosened his stiff joints from the position they were standing in and clapped a hand onto Tony's back, offering Loki a hand to shake that the trickster did so hesitantly.

"You're not going to kill me?" Loki had asked softly, whispering as though afraid he was about to cause a ruckus to the entire room.

Steve blinked and his eyes narrowed in surprise.

"Is there a reason that I should?" Steve had asked instead and Loki sputtered for a moment, unsure of where this was going.

"Or imprison me?" He asked tentatively instead, changing the subject, green eyes peering over the rim of his lids.

"I may not have a lot of faith in Tony," Steve began, with the inventor immediately uttering protests, "but I know that when he's made a decision it's because he took a look at it from all angles. So, if he thinks you're okay, then you are. Unless you're not," he eyed him warily, "in which case I hope you'd tell one of us before trying to send another alien army onto the planet." He smiled politely and Loki felt immediately in layers of shock that would stick with him for a few days, he was certain of it.

Tony tapped the side of his chin in wonder and when Loki gazed back over at his partner, they kissed momentarily.

"Good job," Tony said, admiring his lover. "You're gonna get a cookie later." He sent another look the trickster's way. "Not that kind of cookie."

Steve had remembered the light blush that extended to the cheeks of the trickster and he smiled now in memory of it, blinking and returning to the present moment where fifteen minutes happened to have expired and instead he was sent reeling from the recollection of such a healthy Loki to one now hooked up to tubes, machines and struggling to fight for his life.

Steve frowned and tapped on the glass to get Bruce's attention.

When Bruce managed to disentangle his lanky limbs from his seat by the bedside and had walked up to Steve, Steve was sending him worried glances and asking almost absent-mindedly, "Is it time? Should we tell them?" He looked over to Bruce quickly, afraid of the look he found staring back at him.

"It's too soon." Bruce had said quietly, working his jaw like he was a toy that hadn't spoken its key phrases in the longest time.

"Will it ever not be?" Steve was asking instead and Bruce's eyes lit up the smallest fraction.

"Probably not." Bruce administered, looking back to the trickster.

They took a moment to themselves to think, to watch, to see for an answer that made sense in everything that didn't make sense.

"We need answers," Steve explored, eyes cast to the demigod.

"Always," Bruce replied, his own mind wandering to the past. It was so easy to see Loki in the past: the rare smiles he'd give only in Tony's presence, the way they'd hug each other when they came to one another's side, the way his green eyes would light up with pleasure and anticipation, purpose and work when he would be utilizing his magic in a way that was both helpful and practical for the team. Bruce could see all of it so clearly but what he couldn't see was what would happen going into the future.

Would Loki live? Would Loki survive this? And who had done this to begin with? And why did Bruce's heart ache with the notion that they were about to fight a larger than life battle and that Loki may or may not be a help in part of that?

Something wasn't adding up and Bruce found himself afraid in that moment. He also found himself suspicious and wondering how well they may have already known the trickster-how well Loki may have been just putting up walls and prefaces when really he was lurking into something bigger, something darker and deeper than they could ever have imagined.

He hated that the thought entered his mind and he felt regret for even giving himself a moment to question the demigod but he knew his intuition and he knew that if whatever happened to Loki could do this to him, then, what choice did they have but to fight back? And how would the mortals compare to a force of nature so tough that they might not make it back out on the other side?

Bruce swallowed reflexively, a large breath unfurling itself from his lungs and he found himself in the same moment grateful for his fear and grateful for his air. If Loki did survive this, if there was a side he was clearly on, then maybe things could work out all right. Maybe it was just Bruce's own anxieties of trying to figure out what future they all had going forwards that was painting his vision in a way that put Loki back into a spotlight of wrongdoing.

But maybe Bruce wasn't giving as much credit to the work and the love that Tony Stark was able to shed to his partner. And maybe the love that seemed to be reflecting back to Tony wasn't an act at all and maybe the team just had the wrong idea about the trickster and the inventor's relationship.

It wasn't easy territory either way and there was a lot at stake in both realms.

Bruce sighed, eyes falling to the floor where they picked up on a lone dust ball floating around, being swept about from the air billowing into the room.

"Let's go tell them."

His chest ached at the thought but he knew Steve was right: they had to know and maybe, just maybe, they could learn a thing or two in return that didn't collapse the team in half.

~**!**~

The slow walk between Bruce and Steve into the living room of Avengers Tower was enough to shake Thor, Barton and Natasha to the core.

Tony would have been, too, if his eyes were open and he was conscious. Instead, he was fast asleep with a cup of scotch still in his grip, his back sliding down the chair with his knees practically ready to touch the floor. It was comical, almost, if the situation weren't so grave and grim.

The pair had just entered the scope of the living area when Thor stood up, wandered over to the chair Tony was slipping away from and set a heavy hand onto his shoulder. He knew the pair who'd just performed surgery on his brother's form would have wanted to wait for Tony to be in good space consciously and he was more aggravated than he was trying to let on with the fact that Tony could even think now was a good time to sleep.

They were all awake now, they were all in this together and why the hell should Tony think he were any different from that category? Just because he was sleeping with the victim didn't mean he could just lax on all other situations regarding him.

Thor growled lowly to himself, even as he cast his hand away when Tony immediately jumped up awkwardly in his chair, splattering scotch onto his pant leg and looking around furiously.

"What the hell happened?" he was exclaiming, eyes narrowed suspiciously as Thor hurled a comment his way, "You had the audacity to be sleeping." He sighed heavily and sat back down resentfully in his chair.

True, he was tired as well and he had almost toyed with the idea of sleep for a fraction of a second before he was overwhelmed with the worry, anxiety and fear coursing through his system. He felt like he wouldn't sleep an ounce for the next three weeks if it took that long for Loki to awaken. He cringed to himself; he hoped it wouldn't be.

Tony was setting down his glass, packing down his pant leg with his hands, finding them slightly sticky afterwards to which he rolled his eyes and sighed, the nature of the news they were waiting on coming back to his consciousness full force.

"Is he okay?" Tony was asking, voice higher than usual with the way pain was gripping his throat like a viper.

"We had to remove his spleen," Bruce informed, taking a seat on a nearby cushion as Steve crossed his arms and stood nearby. "There was just no saving it. He'll need regular vaccinations to keep from getting sick as he's more immunocompromised now. But he should be able to recover from the splenectomy well. If, if that was the only issue," Bruce adjusted, biting his lip hesitantly. "We had to take the surgery in parts, meaning we'll have to open him back up in twelve hours to finish what we couldn't finish now. We re-inflated his lung so he's breathing better and he's tubed right now too to protect his airway. We're uncertain as to the extensiveness of his head injuries; we'll know more when he wakes up and from what scans Jarvis can perform." Bruce took a slow, deep breath. "We lost him once but he came back to us. It's touch and go, right now. We can't have you see him just yet, with all the potentials for infections and risks involved in that, but…we're optimistic." Bruce glanced at Steve and Steve smiled thinly. "Do you have any questions?" Bruce asked instead, eyes hovering over each of them for a few seconds.

Thor had gotten up with a groan and a whispered swear, pacing up and down the stretch of his part of the room. He glared daggers at Tony; clearly still rifled with contempt over what part he had played in the matter-even if it wasn't much at all. Tony could feel the grudge from Thor at his back and he tried his best to breathe past the wound.

"I saw him," he said in a hushed tone, uncertain as to why-whether to avoid Thor's wrath or because he, himself, couldn't stand his own lingering inside his chest.

Bruce opened his mouth to comment but closed it soon after.

It wasn't out of the realm of possibilities, now, was it?

They were dealing with two alien species that came from another planet, both of which had made themselves at home on planet Earth and one that was struggling to survive after sustaining injuries from some other entity out in the universe. Not to mention the fact that the god in question was a wielder of magic. Yeah, nothing was really off limits here.

"When?" Steve asked first, and Bruce nodded his agreement.

Tony sat up straighter in his chair, yawning slightly. "He must've influenced me to fall asleep or something." Clint cut in with, "You had a few drinks yourself, though." To which Tony squinted at the archer and continued, "He told me," Tony lowered his eyes, trying to decipher which parts were his imagination and which parts had actually happened in his dream, "we were at the beach and he told me that he was…that he left to protect me. I told him he'd done a shitty job of that, and then he said something named Thanos was after him. That he, he wanted the Tesseract and Loki had learned too much about the cube and that Thanos wanted the information he had in his brain." A grim expression settled onto Tony's face.

He bit his lip in question, the uncertainty of the last piece of news on the tip of his tongue while also being half-way down his throat.

"And? What else, Stark?" Thor was grumbling, pressed for more information but Tony was shaking his head.

"That's it, that's all I know," he felt his lungs ache with the lie but how could he be the one to tell all of them that their inner fears-certainly Thor's words of betrayal-that they were right in being afraid to trust him? That they were wrong to trust Tony for even beginning to trust Loki? If he told them now, they'd lose all other faith in the situation and how would that help his demigod in any way, shape or form? It wouldn't. So one lie couldn't hurt, right?

Right?

"That's all I know," Tony repeated, nodding his head even as his brain wanted to shake it side to side and scream the truth from the bottom of his lungs.

The team doesn't have to find out right away, he reasoned to himself. It was better this way to have some lines of boundaries in place, weren't they always telling him to have better boundaries with himself and others? It was purely a state of interpersonal effectiveness, clearly. Besides, even if it meant that he was shielding his boyfriend from the judgment of his team that romantic relationship had to matter most, right? Wasn't the sanctity of preserving his love life better than the potential fate of all those who would damn his demigod for lying? Why let them question everything they thought they knew about him when for right now he and Loki could keep one teensy tiny secret? It's not like Loki was going to open his mouth and propel truth into the air.

Yeah, Tony thought to himself, yeah, it was fine to lie. It wasn't even a pure lie; a lie by omission isn't really lying, after all. He was going to be fine. Everything was going to be fine and peace would reign upon the land. Everything was fine.

So why wasn't his mouth cooperating with his brain and why were there tears running down the sides of his face?

The embarrassment of it all became a little too much and Tony was lurching his way unsteadily through the hallways, trying to find a quiet room at three in the morning that didn't remind him of his other half that was lying in a bed, alone in a room, besides a computerized AI in the walls watching over him. Tony couldn't stop the thoughts from flooding in reminding him of how helpless and hopeless he was in this given situation, the memories of Loki teasing him that he was getting too close to the demigod, the way he'd looked so disappointed in Tony when he saw him beg at him to stay. He felt he couldn't breathe past the gaping hole in his chest when Loki disappeared because he'd been too cowardly to show his real self to his boyfriend and had to use an illusion to carry off his message instead. Tony gasped, presently, because the air wasn't coming in and the realization that every room reminded him of Loki was too much to bear.

He could still see the way the blood rolled off of his love, the way it had pooled over Tony's own hand, a hand he hadn't washed for fear that if he washed it away and it was the last testament to what had once been his boyfriend, he would never forgive himself for letting go. Tony remembered the way Loki had spoken his name, the blood that came spurting out of his airway, the sick sound of him choking on his own fluids and the soft spoken 'liar' that had emitted from his lips in a cruel moment of clarity.

And he was right, wasn't he?

Tony was a liar. He'd just lied to his team and he felt like he was being pulled in a hundred different directions.

The vomit that splashed into the nearest toilet bowl made him feel sicker than ever before.

He had done this.

The influence of the thought leveled him like a volcano had just torn apart a city-everything left behind was wreckage and cooling lava that had yet to harden and reshape the land into something that it was no longer.

Tony had done this. He was the one responsible for all of this happening because if he hadn't been dumb enough to fall in love with a demigod, show that love to him (carefully and gradually), toy with the idea in his mind of being in a romantic relationship, actually exploring a romantic relationship and getting the bastard to love him back-if he hadn't done any of that, Loki never would have thought Tony needed protecting and he never would have left and he never would have almost died on him.

The next wave of yellow liquid (too much information, he was aware of it), that came catapulting out of his mouth landed into the dish and he could have sworn he felt a splash or two curl back onto his face. His eyes were crying endless tears and he was muttering to himself apologies for what exactly he wasn't sure of.

Somewhere between him hacking up dry remarks that neither vomit nor words came from his parted lips, and the snot that dribbled hot down his nose, his throat hissing with the acidity, somewhere between all of that he heard the faint pitter-patter of footsteps and he was sure someone else was suddenly in the room with him, too.

"You really don't look so good," the female voice cut through the air sharply, and Tony could just imagine her standing there with a small smile, observing him from the doorway, her arms folded.

"Th-thanks, it's what I w-was going f-for," Tony replied in a whimper, shoving his hands into his face to block out the shame that was hanging off of him like heavy shower curtains unhinged.

"You need some help?" Natasha was asking, already narrowing the space between them without waiting for an answer.

She handed him a few strips of toilet paper that he took through bleary eyes, wiping himself up as he sighed and said, "You really don't mind being a Mom right now?"

Natasha pursed her lips for a moment then shifted the red bob of her hair. "It's what I was raised to do."

They both knew it was a lie but maybe lies were their own way of communicating, Tony thought.

He let out an unsteady breath.

"I'm a mess."

"You sure are," Natasha said, climbing up on top of the empty counter space by the round silver sink. "But you're our mess." She smiled approvingly.

Tony smirked in reply. His gaze phased into seriousness as he asked, "How'd Thor take the news?"

Natasha whistled lowly. "Not the best, but better than usual." She looked at him for a long moment. "He'll come around, you know."

Tony rolled his eyes.

"I doubt it. He hasn't yet and he's so god damn vocal about it, too." Tony grimaced mildly. "I'm pretty sure they've had conversations about it."

"That level of irritation would make anyone want to run." Natasha examined, thoughtfully. "But not you," she clarified, tone pleasant.

"I didn't have to, Loki did the running for me," Tony retorted bitterly.

"Not because of Thor, though," Natasha pointed out and Tony looked at her hard for a moment.

"Just because of some murderous alien who wants him dead just so he can unlock all the information stuck within his head." Tony huffed. "Yeah, I think I'd rather deal with a hundred Thor's than deal with that predicament."

"We can't exactly decide which battles we fight," Natasha remarked.

"Only how we play the hand," Tony gestured to Natasha, smiling a fraction of the amount as usual but shaking his hand at her general direction regardless. "That was smart. No wonder they pay you so well."

"You're getting paid?" Natasha raised a brow in question but Tony could see the glimmer of playfulness in the way her eyes crinkled at the corners and the smile her cool tone was trying its best to suppress. The more he got to know Natasha, the more he was able to see the cracks in her armor and be grateful he wasn't the only broken one on the team.

"So, what's next? Where do we go? Where are we needed?" Tony was asking, standing on still shaky knees until Natasha was shoving a pillowcase in his hands and telling him where to find the linens.

Tony looked at her with so much confusion she had to half-chuckle before adding, "Our mission now is to get some sleep. You'll be in a guest bedroom somewhere in the tower that isn't Loki's infirmary room." She gave him a pointed look. "Rest up because tomorrow's going to be a long day."

"Today, really," Tony remarked slyly, glancing at his watch, and Natasha rolled her eyes for a moment before agreeing, "Today, too."

She left him there to his own devices, knowing he'd find his way through even when it didn't feel like he ever would. They all did. One way or another, they either shaped up or got out. It's what they knew to do.

~**!**~

He decided to take space in the waiting room outside of the main infirmary. For his part, the main infirmary was still rooms before where Loki's room was probably located. The main infirmary housed about half a dozen empty rooms before any of the real rooms thereafter were occupied. Tony was sure of it that Loki had been placed way back there. Of course, he hadn't exactly checked with Jarvis, on the off chance he was wrong, and he was too tired from puking his guts out to really find any other place to sleep, as the clock was ticking by reading four AM.

The waiting room itself was small, just a few chairs and one lone couch and a dinky looking office space to the side with a desk a receptionist would normally sit at. Not that they really needed it here, but, it was the aesthetics that mattered.

Natasha hadn't denoted this area of the infirmary as an unacceptable place so Tony felt a fraction of pride for having thought of it. He knew he'd be skating on thin ice with her and Bruce for that matter if they found him here. But he couldn't will it in his bones to try and find another place again, after he'd been spending half an hour trailing sadly through the tower, a pillow case, pillow and large blanket slung over one shoulder as the blanket inevitably dragged on the ground, collecting small piles of leftover, lingering dust.

He'd felt so much fear and worry coursing through his system as he traveled floor after floor but he had noticed when he got closer to the infirmary floor, he felt some of that unease be held back by an impenetrable dam in his mind. He needed some relief like that so he'd set his tired body onto the hard surface of the very uncomfortable couch and tried to catch a few Z's.

He wasn't sure exactly how much was a forced nature on his side or if it was the smallest bit of Loki's magic coming out to find him and nestling into his chest for comfort but he managed to have somewhat of a dream about the trickster.

They were sitting across from each other. Loki…didn't have a mouth which was mildly terrifying until Tony realized it could only be a dream.

Tony took it upon himself to do the talking.

"So where is this Thanos located? And how much time do we wait before we land an attack on him? What's he look like? What are his defenses? A lot of maneuvers made it to you," Tony gasped for a second, adding, "So glad you're okay by the way," he tried to blink but it was more of a twitch. He was trying to be as goofy as possible while he maintained his stance to not just clobber all over the trickster and shield the demigod with his own body. "But I'm, I'm not a fan." Tony shook his head. "So when do we kill him?"

Dream Loki stared at him expectantly and it would have been adorable if Tony could see the pout his partner was trying to produce with nonexistent lips.

The silence eroded away the false cheer in Tony's step, so he tapped his fingers on his pants and bobbed his leg anxiously.

"Why can't you talk?" Tony suddenly asked, alarm dawning upon him even in his state of attempted rest.

Dream Loki looked away momentarily then back at him. His nose wrinkled for a second before he was pointing to the side of him.

Tony looked immediately and found a strange out of body experience occurring where Loki was lying in his bed in the infirmary and Tony, a few hundred feet away, was sleeping on the couch.

A small, flickering apparition of a green plant in a blue pot appeared soon after with a pair of arms being held to its container. No, the wrists were bent and in the superhero pose.

Tony raised a brow and nodded approvingly.

"I'll have to let Bruce know how much he reminds you of a potted plant." Tony glanced at him a second and added, "That's a Prometheus, isn't it?" Tony grinned, looking at him expectantly.

Of course, he couldn't be sure because Dream Loki was missing his mouth but he was pretty sure his partner was smirking. He was certainly looking at him with an enlightened expression in his eyes, the mischief lingering and a seal of approval lurking within those green orbs.

Dream Loki shifted his eyes from his partner towards the open doorway.

Tony glanced at it for a moment then turned back to his Dream Boyfriend.

He said it so quietly but Loki must have picked up on super hearing because he was saying one moment, "I don't want you to be alone," and in the next he felt a cool embrace come over him.

Tears formed in the inventor's eyes to their own accord and he bit back a sob as he rested his head against Loki's shoulder.

Dream Loki nestled his forehead to Tony's and patted his head with his free hand. He then wiped away his partner's tears and rubbed the tension away from Tony's shoulders.

Tony hiccupped and smiled sadly, looking over at the demigod and muttering, "Are you trying to tell me it's gonna be okay?"

Loki's eyes shone with their own tears and he nodded.

Tony couldn't help but wrap his body into Loki's then, breaking inside and wanting to just find some ounce of comfort. He felt safe in his demigod's arms and he wished above all else that Loki could feel the same in his.

"This isn't over," he whispered, but it came out more like a question.

Loki held him tightly and nodded.

Tony wasn't sure how much of the response he was getting was because he was craving it in his sleep (let alone his waking hours) and how much of it was magic curated from Loki himself. But he didn't question it any longer and just tried to memorize the way it felt to be in his arms again and to feel their breaths in each other's lungs where in this place Loki couldn't feel pain.

It hurt so much to think of what had happened to his love and that there might have been something Tony could have done to prevent it, but he had to remind himself that he was powerless in this situation, powerless in how to move forwards until Loki was able to awaken and find the strength to push on for another day.

So instead, with his heart breaking, he just held him and time ticked by until all that was left was the two of them holding each other, the rest of the room having faded away in the dream. And maybe, that's all that either of them ever needed.

And it was until the first rays of light began to come through the window that Tony managed to nudge himself awake, feeling the presence of Loki fading in his arms as he sat up and hung his head from the pounding headache that lay inside his skull. He nudged himself out of the room with all his linens and snuck back into a spare bedroom a floor down before Bruce Plant ever found him. He swore Jarvis to secrecy and as he lay back down again, the coolness of the fabric reminding him of his cool friend, he slipped into unconsciousness with more hope in his chest than he had had in a long time.

A/N: Hiiiiiiiiii, everyone! So, oh my gosh, I apologize for it being SO LONG since I last updated this story let alone ANY of my fanfics. I honestly hit about a three month long writer's block and could barely write anything besides a few poems each week on my blog with even my blog posts having been lackluster lately too! Ooof, it was awful. There were a few times I got emotional and I couldn't use my writing as a source of escapism until the day that I wrote this chapter! Luckily I had some Writing Vibes that morning I woke up and I found a great song to listen to that really propelled me forwards. Thank goodness!

I know I have a lot of other stories to work on and dozens of chapters to catch up let alone the research to remember how the characters operate and such but I hope that this update can feed us all over for a little bit. I've been pretty well throughout everything: I did a lot of video making over this summer, I'm still not ready to let summer go and I've gotten a Nintendo Switch so that will be so fun, I think! I actually think it's going to get me into more of a scheduled routine so I'm really, really excited. I've also been reading some physical books lately and that's made me very happy so I want to continue that going forwards (and that's where some of my priorities have landed as well). Work has been pretty good and I'm involved in Zoom based advocacy, hooray.

For now, I'm gonna try and work on D&D soon, ALU, S, AUS and CeC. Maybe a couple of my one-shots or old ideas I have waiting to be edited and finished writing and just fun ones here and there. I will be updating TWBtE very soon, too, hopefully with at least a fifteen page update. :D

Any who, if you're still out there and you're still reading any of my stories, thank you so, so, so much. I can't wait to update more stories for you guys and I really want to make it more of a priority, Muse allowing! Thank you for everything. Sending you all light and love. xxx

Written: 9.18.20, 9.24

Edited: 9.18, 9.24.20

Music: "Nobody Can Save Me" by Linkin Park, ambient rain sounds, "Leave Out All the Rest" by Linkin Park, "Dynasty" by MIIA.

PS I had to edit some of my fanfics, particularly D&D and an FFN removal of SWC because I only JUST realized I'd been accidentally and unintentionally in a very silly fashion, been sharing song lyrics into my stories and that's a well defined no-no. So I'm working on readjusting my fics from here on out as well as fixing up and reuploading the ones that have already existed. It's going to be a process for sure and I'm kind of clambering to try and fix my mistake. Sigh. :[

But hopefully it goes okay!

Thank you for reading. :] xxx