It was one thing for the Avengers to hear that somewhere like Alfheim had been destroyed, but for it to be somewhere that they knew, somewhere that two of their number came from and they themselves had visited was…harrowing.
"By gone, you mean…"
"I mean gone, Steve. Wiped out, obliterated, destroyed. Asgard is gone." Bruce's voice was raising, green flickering across his eyes. "We did everything we could, absolutely everything! And it wasn't enough!"
"Bruce-"
"I need a moment!" He was shaking, and when Natasha tried to put a hand on his arm he shook her off with a harsh snarl.
"He has not changed back from the Hulk once during our time away." Thor sounded equally out of character as he watched the usually mild mannered scientist storm off. "And the losses would have been worse without him."
"How long has it been for you guys?" Steve asked.
"About three weeks. And here?"
The Avengers glanced at each other. "Two and a half months."
There was a broken little noise from Tony, still sat on the floor, as he hugged Loki closer to his chest. They had known there would be a time variance but the difference between weeks and months was huge.
"Sir, the Shield doctor is ten minutes out. The in-house team is prepping the surgery as we speak."
Jarvis' announcement spurred some activity amongst the group, with Steve and Sam helping the droid carefully move Rhodes down to the medical bay. The on-site medical team were ready and waiting and were able to take over the surgery prep for when the surgeon arrived.
When the two soldiers reappeared back upstairs little had changed. Tony had moved to the sofa, the armour a crumpled mess of scrap metal on the floor. Loki was still unconscious, but someone had moved him onto the sofa too and his head was in his husband's lap – hardly something he would have allowed were he conscious.
"The team are keeping Rhodes stable. They seem to be hopeful that he'll pull through." Steve said quietly.
Pull through. Not that he would get better, or that he would be alright. Merely that Rhodey would survive.
"What happened to him?" It almost seemed easier, in some perverse way to focus on War-machine's injuries than the much bigger and much more frightening thought of what had occurred to Asgard. It also gave the returning Avenger's a moment to breathe.
"He was knocked out of the sky. Must have fallen nearly a thousand feet at speed. The suit can usually survive that, but it was late into the battle and he'd taken so much damage it was amazing he could fly at all." Tony's voice was still shaking as he answered. "No one could reach him in time. The impact should have killed him and I don't quite know how it didn't."
"Superior suit design?" Steve offered, and Tony snorted harshly in derision.
"Where's the rest of the Iron Legion?"
Where were any of the Iron Legion was a better question. Of the sixty plus suits that went out, only the two occupied ones had returned. And it wasn't like Tony to abandon his prized creations.
"Fuck knows. We lost more than half within the first hour. Hulk Buster lasted us a whole week, but the others couldn't hack it. It was a mess." Tony was focussing on brushing his fingers through his husband's hair, the repetitive action somewhat soothing. "The whole bloody thing was a mess!"
"…Told you not to go…" Loki moved his head slightly, then slowly opened his eyes. "I told you…"
"Yeah, and I never listen to sense."
"Rhodes…?"
"He'll live. Thanks to you. The surgeon is on her way."
The trickster irritably pushed his husband's hands away and used the back of the sofa to pull himself upright. "…How bad was it?"
Tony gestured helplessly, unable to convey what they had faced up in the realm of the Gods. The silence itself was telling, but Loki looked to his brother for further confirmation.
"Thor?"
The Thunder God was unable to meet his brother's gaze, staring down at the floor silently. The unusual lack of response from the usually ebullient Avenger drew everyone else's attention to him too, and then to why he wasn't replying.
Tears were rolling down Thor's cheeks.
"Thor?" Loki pulled himself to his feet, concern for his brother momentarily over-ruling the concern for his home world. He genuinely couldn't say the last time he had seen Thor cry openly in front of people, let alone the sort of absolute despair the older God was showing. "Thor…Who was it?"
Who's dead? Who's still alive? Who did we lose?
Thor took a gulping breath, still refusing to make eye contact as his gaze darted to Tony – a forlorn shape curled up on the sofa – and then to Bruce – slumped against the railing of the balcony with a thousand mile stare.
"Fandral…" He managed. "There was…something brought down the roof…he was leading a group of civilians…we couldn't get there in time."
But there was something more. Loki knew his brother better than anyone, and could see it there in his despairing gaze. That unspoken name Thor was struggling to acknowledge. A name he couldn't bear to think.
"Thor…Who?" Because as hard as it was to lose a friend that wasn't the pain that Loki was seeing. It was so much deeper than that. "Thor!"
And the word came out as a strangled sob as the thunder God finally managed to meet his brother's frightened gaze. "…Mother…"
"What…?" But he'd known. That look on Thor's face; Loki had already known what he was going to hear, because there was only one loss that would truly hit Thor that hard. "How?" He managed.
"She was…there was a group…she fought…too many…" The thunder God couldn't get the words out, but it hardly mattered since Loki wasn't really comprehending.
There was no way…it couldn't be true…
"But…" But Mother was invincible. Untouchable. The glue that held their fractured family together. "No…Thor, no…"
"There was nothing we could do." Thor whispered.
Loki stumbled back a step from him, struggling to process the very thought of what he had just been told. Of all of the possibilities this had not been something that had even touched his worst nightmares. All fear had been for Tony, for Thor, for Sleipnir. Parents were meant to be untouchable.
"Loki…" Natasha's hand was on his arm, her voice soft and worried. "Sleipnir's injured. It looks bad."
The comment seemed at odds with everything screaming through his head. How was he meant to think of anything else with the news that his mother was dead?
"Loki? Bruce has said he'll need your help."
Frigga was dead. Sleipnir wasn't, and Sleipnir needed him.
MWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMW
Rhodes had been stabilised but they still hadn't had much by way of news as to whether he would recover or not. Sleipnir had been more difficult to help, since they couldn't exactly call a vet or farrier out to see to his wounded leg. Bruce wasn't really up to speed on his equine anatomy, but a broken bone is a broken bone and where it had breached the skin the open wound was the same to deal with as on a human. The issue was far more anaesthesia – human medication was useless on him the same way it was with his Mother and Uncle – and although Sleipnir was insistent that he could go through a medical procedure without anaesthetic that wasn't an option anyone else wanted to entertain.
Especially after having helped Rhodes, Loki was unable to offer assistance on the matter but he sat outside on the balcony with his son's head in his lap. It was raining – although no one had the heart to tell Thor to stop it – and Jarvis had been quick to build a make-shift cover over the horse.
"What can be done?" Thor's voice was gruff and still heavy with grief as he crouched down beside his brother and nephew.
"I need to wait until I have enough strength to at least numb the area." Loki said quietly.
"I will be fine without you doing that." Sleipnir was slurring his words; pain and shock taking their toll. "Had worse. Been through worse."
"Not even an option, Sleipnir."
Bruce was busy cleaning up some of the horse's other wounds, but glanced up at Loki's admonishment. "We can't leave it too long; that's a few days old and it's going to start setting in the wrong place."
The trickster nodded. He knew that time was of the essence, but at the same time he just didn't have the ability to help in the moment. His child was hurting and he couldn't do anything to fix it.
"Give me another…thirty minutes?" He had known that healing Rhodes was going to take it out of him, but hadn't appreciated just how bad it would be. Now he felt absolutely useless and Sleipnir was going to require help that he couldn't reliably provide.
"You can't push yourself too hard; it hasn't had an adverse effect so far, but that's not to say it won't if you keep going." Bruce said quickly.
"I have to do something; human medication has no effect so it will have to be me."
"Maybe not." They hadn't realised Tony had been listening, but now the man approached them and held out his phone to Loki. With Merlin's number on the screen.
The trickster looked at his husband searchingly for a moment, but there wasn't really the time to debate the choice; they were desperate and needed the help. And if they had someone who could help it was ridiculous not to call them in.
"You ask; he won't listen to me."
More like Loki didn't have the emotional capacity right now to be verbally ripped to shreds – which his son was wont to do. With everything else, the last thing he needed was Merlin's caustic response to hearing from him.
Tony wasn't in much of a better emotional state, but of the two was better placed to take the call.
Merlin picked up on the second ring.
"What? Do you even know what time it is over here? There's-"
"We need your help."
"Oh now what? Can't you two exist for just one-"
"Merlin please. Just listen a moment." And Tony's voice cracked with tears. "Please."
"What's happened? Is it Mö∂ir?" It was a reasonable assumption given that Merlin knew the difficulties surrounding the pregnancy.
"No, not exactly…There was another attack. Asgard has…Asgard is…" The inability to finish the sentence said everything it needed to.
"I'm on my way."
The phone call went dead, but Tony hardly had time to react before Jarvis was talking to him out of the little speaker.
"Sir? Someone has materialised in the foyer downstairs – what would you like me to do?"
"Tell him we're on the thirty second floor balcony."
He could sense Jarvis' surprise at that, but the AI didn't comment and presumably did as he was told. However, Tony's attention was already re-occupied by his husband and step-son. He knew next to nothing about veterinary work, but Sleipnir's laboured breathing was a clear sign that he wasn't doing well and shock was something that was common across species. The broken leg was by far the worst injury, but he knew that the horse was sporting many many more minor ones that would all be adding up. He sat down at Loki's side, running his hand over Sleipnir' neck and feeling the racing pulse there.
"Here, let me look."
The newly familiar voice made Tony look up with a start and he heard Loki's soft tearful gasp as Merlin crouched down next to them, already assessing Sleipnir's condition. The man shifted aside to let the warlock have better access, knowing that he was only going to be in the way with his non-existent medical knowledge.
"I am going to want an explanation after all of this." Merlin glanced up at his mother, who nodded wearily.
"Who the hell are you?" Sleipnir was struggling to keep up with current events and the question was slurred as he tried to recognise the new-comer.
"I'm your younger brother. Nice to meet you."
"Oh. Hi." The lack of reaction said it all.
Merlin's hands were glowing as he ran them over the horse's body, diagnosing and assessing. "You know healing spells aren't my forte." He warned, catching Loki's eye again.
"I can set the bones if you can numb the area." Bruce had no idea who the interloper was, but since both Tony and Loki appeared familiar with him he decided that introductions could wait. Instead he went with the flow.
"I can do that." Merlin gripped the broken leg – one hand above the break, the other below – and muttered something under his breath. It was possible to visibly see Sleipnir relax as the spell took hold and banished the pain with it. "How does that feel?"
"Better than it has in days…" Sleipnir had his eyes closed, his ears settling back to a relaxed position from where he'd had them flat against his skull.
"Can you feel this?" With no idea how long the spell might last Bruce was straight in there, giving the wounded leg an experimental poke.
"No…Thankfully."
"Are you good for me to work on this?"
Sleipnir cracked an eye open to look at the scientist, then nodded and relaxed his head back into Loki's lap again.
For two people who had never met, Bruce and Merlin worked extremely well together. With someone essentially acting as an anaesthetist Banner was able to set the broken leg, stich up some of the deeper wounds and apply stinging antiseptic to everything in sight. Despite all of Sleipnir's bravado about being able to deal with the procedures without the help of a numbing agent it had definitely been one of Tony's better ideas to bring in the extra help.
With Sleipnir being seen to it gave Stark a chance to get his bearings and ground himself somewhat. The suit pieces had been cleared away – most likely by Jarvis – and the droid was carefully shoring up the section of wall that the Hulk had punched.
"There is a large whisky sitting on the bar for you, sir." Jarvis said carefully.
"Bruce wouldn't approve."
"Under the circumstances I believe it prudent. And you should take it up with Miss Evelyn, not me. She was the one who poured it."
Evie was still pouring, in fact. There was a glass for each Avenger, plus Merlin, and she'd filled the fruit bowl with water for Sleipnir. After a moments consideration she tipped the rest of the bottle of whisky into it too.
"Normally I'd argue with you about this, but I think we all rather need it." Tony said quietly.
"I know; tea is probably better, but this is quicker." The girl's hands were shaking when she put the bottle down.
It was quicker, and whilst Tony had long stopped making a habit out of drinking hard spirits it went down far smoother than a cup of tea probably would have done. The harsh burn of alcohol helped clear Tony's head a little as well.
The other Avengers slowly followed suit, accepting the time-honoured remedy to shattered nerves and shocking news. Even Thor, on whom strong whisky had no more effect than water, found some comfort in the tradition.
For Tony things seemed to be happening in stop-motion. He'd been outside, now he was in. Evie had been by his side, now she had gone, out on the balcony passing out more glasses to Bruce, Merlin, the fruit bowl down by Sleipnir's head.
"Tony, do you need to sit down? You're looking a little green around the gills." Steve had appeared beside him, a hand on his elbow. "The last thing we need right now is another casualty."
"I'm fine."
"Tony-"
Then there was someone else on his other side. Smaller, slighter than Steve, silencing the Super Soldier.
"It's alright, Uncle Steve, I've got him."
He'd been by the bar, now he was sat on the couch. The glass was full again, but this time with water. He was leaning against the cushions, but then they had been removed, one placed under his arm to support a fracture he hadn't realised was there, another replaced to comfort broken ribs.
If asked he would have said it was Steve looking out for him – since both Loki and Bruce were elsewhere – but when his wavering vision cleared again he saw his daughter carefully making sure everything was just so. She wasn't crying any more, but her eyes were red, and the tear tracks hadn't dried yet. It took Tony just slightly too long to realise that as confusing and fractured as everything was for him, the girl had just lost her grandmother and one of the two worlds she belonged to.
"Birdy…"
"Uncle Bruce is nearly done with Sleipnir; he'll be able to look you over then."
He wanted to say that he didn't need Bruce to look over any anything. That painkillers and a splint would sort it all out without assistance. But the words didn't want to come as the world tipped and spun in continued confusing circles. His knee was wet and he looked down to see that he'd spilt the glass of water, soaking through the filthy material of his trousers.
There was a voice, someone calmly and authoritatively requesting assistance from Jarvis, then someone forcing him to lie down on the sofa, lifting his feet up onto the armrest. It was done carefully and taking the various broken bones into consideration.
Evie had disappeared from his line of sight, replaced by Jarvis, but he could hear her voice behind him, quite calm and collected.
"…it's just shock, yes?"
"Of course, Miss Evelyn. And you recognised it very promptly."
"Do we need Uncle Bruce?"
"No, I can deal with this."
Tony watched in muzzy confusion as Jarvis scanned, then deftly bound his arm up in the quick-setting gel strips. The thin layer they provided set as hard as any traditional plaster cast.
The confusion began to lift as the position Jarvis had set him in took effect and the whisky hit the right spots. Tony could see his daughter still bustling around sorting things out, but with his mind clearing he took the activity for what it was; distraction techniques. Doing anything to keep her mind off of what had happened.
"Birdy." His voice was stronger this time, not that weak quavering thing it was from a few minutes ago. Grabbing Jarvis's arm he used the protesting droid to haul himself upright. The motion didn't sit well with his ribs, but he didn't feel like passing out any more, so that was a bonus. Evie didn't even look round at him – she was washing up the used glasses, of all the stupid things! "Birdy, leave it."
"I have to do something."
"Evelyn."
It was probably the use of her full name that did it; Tony rarely used it unless they were having an argument. The glasses were abandoned in the sink, one falling and shattering.
It was easy sometimes, with all the crap they were going through and everything they were facing, to treat Evie as just one of the guys. She certainly went out of her way to try and act like one of them and they had gone along with it. Sitting in on meetings, all of her training, listening in on missions – with how worrisome things were it was easy to just let the girl go along with it.
And so easy to forget that she was just a kid.
However, curled up next to her father, sobbing in his arms, she was the child they kept forgetting her to be. She had grown up with the fear of losing a parent hanging over her, but that axe had never fallen. She had never been exposed to the death of a loved one until now.
Frigga may have only been introduced into the girl's life recently, but the wish for a grandparent had always been there. To gain and then lose one so quickly was a hard thing to deal with. Added to that the destruction of a world that Evie had just been introduced to and she was going to be devastated.
He didn't want to speculate how Loki was feeling.
MWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMW
The atmosphere in the main room didn't improve by much. Shock had given way to quiet horror and grief; even those who hadn't travelled to Asgard knew that this was a blow of some consequence.
Sleipnir had moved inside with some help from Jarvis and was now sprawled out on the deep pile rug. His leg was in a similar cast to Tony's arm, holding the bone immobile and as comfortable as it could be. Loki was still sat with him, fingers untangling his mane through millennia old habit as they spoke quietly.
"…after the third level fell it became chaos. The remaining soldiers knew they had to protect the treasury at all costs; the Allfather had told us all that the creatures were after the Tesseract and Gauntlet – that if those were taken nothing would stop them from razing Asgard to the ground." Sleipnir's voice was stronger than it had been, but he sounded so tired. "So we abandoned the civilians. Left them to fend for themselves as best they could because if we didn't protect the treasury there was no point in fighting at all."
"There was no choice. You had no choice."
"We told them to make for the Observatory, Heimdall was holding it and it was still functioning." Sleipnir said quietly. "But they were afraid, and we couldn't shepherd them. They ran for the great halls of the palace instead."
Loki didn't need the rest of the narrative to know what had happened. Asgard's ancient palace halls had always been the place of refuge during a siege and it was natural that the terrified civilians had fled there as they always had in the past. The guards had known; they had seen what destruction had been wrought in Alfheim and knew that hiding would not work.
But to save Asgard they had to protect the treasury, and that left no room to herd civilians.
The great halls and ancient shelters had fallen and there was nothing the warriors and soldiers and humble guards could do.
"Amma tried to lead them. She took it upon herself to persuade as many as she could to follow her to the Bifrost." Sleipnir's ears flicked, what would have been a smile on a human. "She cut through hordes of those creatures time and again."
That was an image Loki could well imagine; his mother had always been a fierce competitor those rare times she had stepped onto the sparring grounds. It was so like her to defend the weak.
"Where did Heimdall send everyone?"
"Everyone!" The horse aptly snorted the word. "Maybe a hundred. If that. Amma did what she could, but in a panic even the queen is hard to obey. She fought like a demon, but those with her couldn't defend themselves and fell like all the others."
"Sleipnir, where?"
"Where the fuck do you think?"
Because which realm was closest to Asgard? Where was possibly the worst place for a group of Asgardian refugees to end up?
"But surely…The Jötnar allowed the civilians in their realm?" Because Loki couldn't imagine that happening. He may have made peace with what he was, but had no trust or love for his people and couldn't believe that the Jötunns would act kindly towards Asgardians.
"We had to make a choice. It was stay and certainly die, or run and possibly die." Sleipnir snapped. "Our people were being slaughtered! We'd seen what happened to the other realms; we knew we had to get as many out as possible. What were we meant to do?! It was a massacre."
As Sleipnr told it, the Jötnar had already seen what was happening on Asgard. There was no love lost between the two races – especially thanks to Loki's past actions – but the current Jötunn king was far wiser than Laufey had ever been and knew that his people would never withstand the creatures should Jötunnheim be attacked in turn. They needed allies and with Asgard screaming for help the king had seen a chance to join with an old enemy to face a new one.
The refugees had been accepted.
"What happened to the armoury? Were the Tesseract and Gauntlet taken?"
Sleipnir flicked his ears again and slumped his head down on Loki's lap so that he couldn't make eye-contact.
"They were taken. I was there long enough to see the armoury fall. Heimdall held the Bifrost with the Hulk's help up until the very last moment. Our group was the last through and he sent us here."
"And Heimdall?"
The horse sighed heavily. "I don't know. He sent us through and that was the last we saw of him. I thought he was going to follow us."
"And evidently he didn't." Loki was mildly surprised at the swell of grief that followed those words. He would have thought that with the pain of losing his mother there would be very little extra emotion left over. "How did you break your leg?"
"I don't even remember. So much happened…"
"A pillar fell; Sleipnir was caught under it." Thor must have been listening to the quiet conversation because he filled in the gap in the story.
"Yeah, something like that." The horse snorted softly.
Loki brushed his hand along one of the newly healed cuts on his son's neck. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."
"It wouldn't have changed anything, Möðhy. You know that; you were there at Alfheim and the end result was just the same. A million more soldiers and it wouldn't have made a difference." Sleipnir rolled his large head back again to look up. "Fostri Tony told me why you couldn't. I was glad to hear it. There needs to be some good news at the moment."
"But possibly terrible timing."
"You're historically never good with timing."
Thor managed a huff of morbid laughter at that comment as he sat down heavily on the floor next to his brother and nephew. "A truer word was never spoken."
"Were you hurt?" The trickster had barely spoken with anyone else since going to his son's aid.
"Minimally. Merlin healed anything serious." The older God grimaced. "He does not have your skill with medical spell work."
"And I have little skill myself." Loki looked around the room. "Where is he?"
"On the balcony. I told him what had occurred in Asgard." Thor tilted his head in the direction of the outside doors. "You should speak with him. I'll sit with Sleipnir."
"I am hundreds of thousands of years old. I do not require a baby sitter." The horse's tone was petulant, but he readily lifted his head to let Loki move and rise.
It was still raining heavily outside; but dawn was slowly turning a dark world to a grim grey. Merlin was standing at the far end of the balcony, up against the railings and looking out over the soaked city. The single tiny area he stood in was unnaturally dry. It was a spell Loki recognised from his own times of having to stay out of Thor's tantrums. As it was, with his lack of magic he was soaked to the skin by the time he reached the younger man.
"Will you not come inside?"
"And play happy families? No thank you." The response was short and snappish.
"Hardly happy. A world is dead, her people slaughtered and my mother among them. And Tony…"
"Yes, Tony; it was smart of him to call me."
"He is a smart person. Rather famous for it." Loki leant on the railing, surveying the grey view. "I'm surprised you came, though."
"He said please." Merlin flashed a very quick smile at his parent. "I didn't take him to be the type to say it without meaning. I will confess that my first thought was something had happened to you."
"I frightened him. The Colonel Rhodes was grievously injured and I had to intervene to save him. The effort cost me and I lost consciousness."
"That explains Mr Stark's emotion then."
"Indeed."
"Thor told me about Asgard. I'm sorry about your mother."
"She was your Grandmother too." Loki glanced sideways at his son and smiled faintly. "She would have loved you. I am sorry you never met her." He quickly looked away again, but not before Merlin caught the tell-tale glimmer of tears.
"I should go. You all need time to mourn your loss."
"You're welcome here. You are welcome to stay."
"I don't think that would be a good idea. But I will keep in contact."
"You never do." Loki didn't even sound angry, just so tired as he leant heavily against the railings.
"I will this time." When that didn't get a response Merlin leant over to place a hand on the trickster's arm. "Möðhir, I will keep in better contact. I promise. The stakes seem to be higher than ever these days."
"The stakes always get higher Merlin; that's why the analogy exists."
"You know what I mean. Things aren't usually this apocalyptic and I'm worried for the future."
Loki managed a small smile at that, his gaze fond as he glanced at his son. "The future is never certain. I know it looks particularly bleak at the moment, but we have to hope. There are always things to fight for."
"For you maybe. You've got a family here."
"You've got a family here. Tony seems to constantly worry about you, and Evelyn would love to get to know you. You're the only humanoid sibling she currently has, and certainly easier to contact than Sleipnir usually is."
Merlin had fought against being included in the 'family' title for so long that it came as a surprise when he nodded slightly. "I can keep in contact with Evelyn too if you want."
It took a lot to tamp down the familiar rising feelings of frustration. "It's not about what I want, Merlin. Forcing you to have a relationship with your sister is never going to be a good plan. Just…Just talk to her or something. Decide for yourself if the two of you should keep contact, or if you even like each other."
"I suppose that idea has merit."
MWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMW
For all that he had waited months for Tony to return home – desperate with worry and fear – Loki couldn't find sleep that night.
Sleipnir was sprawled out in the living room, taking up the whole of the large rug in front of the television and snoring softly. The blue cast on his leg stood out starkly against his grey coat, as did the livid scars that hadn't been healed. There was a large fluffy throw blanket on the couch that Loki pulled off and carefully draped over his son. Sleipnir's ear twitched but he didn't wake. Arthur had had curled up next to the horse's head – possibly drawn to him because he recognised a fellow Asgardian creature, or maybe just attaching himself to the only other non-biped in the building.
There was a dim light further down the corridor, spilling out from under the kitchen door that drew Loki towards it. It could have been any number of people but he wasn't surprised to find his brother sat at the table, staring silently at a steaming cup of tea.
"Thor?"
The thunder God looked up and hurriedly wiped his eyes when he saw his younger brother in the doorway, trying to smile in welcome.
"What are you doing awake?"
"My mind won't quiet." Thor had left the boxes of tea out, so Loki made his own cup and sat down at the table. "I dozed a little, but couldn't sleep. You?"
"The same." Thor sighed heavily. "Every time I close my eyes…" He shook his head. "Do you remember when we were young? Our first battle?"
"Svartalfheim, the Dark Elves."
"That moment back then when they had us surrounded; when we knew it was over and there was no hope. When we knew what they would do to us and had no way of stopping it." The thunder God glanced up at this brother. "And then afterwards – as their prisoners – when they…When I could hear you screaming and could do nothing. And knew they would come for me next and could do nothing…I swore then I would never again let that happen! Never again!" He had to let go of the tea mug to avoid smashing it. "I swore I would never be that vulnerable again! I would never allow myself to feel that fear and terror ever again! And yet…"
"And yet you did?"
"I…froze." Thor looked away quickly, blinking hard. "When Mother was lost I just…froze. Asgard was in pieces, friends and family were dying and I could do nothing. I was frozen in place, Mjölnir loose at my side and our people dying all around me. And I was right back there again. I was that scared little boy who couldn't fight, couldn't protect anyone, couldn't do anything!"
"I'm sorry I wasn't there."
"I'm glad you weren't. I wouldn't wish the sight of our dying world upon anyone." He looked so small. A broken man. Loki had seen his brother after bad battles – after really bad battles – but this was something new. No matter what they had seen and faced in the past there was always some sort of spark still there afterwards. Whether as anger or grief or jubilation Thor came out of the other side of war with a fire of emotion in him.
And now he hadn't.
"There are many who would be dead without you." Loki said softly.
"Does that change anything?"
"Not particularly. But I have to say something."
There was a long moment of silence before Thor sniffed inelegantly and scrubbed at his eyes again. "I fear for the survivors."
"I thought the Jötnar were accepting of the refugees?"
"They were, but that is not the world for Aesir for any length of time. You know how cold it is there; that's not sustainable for us. Not after everything they've been through." A bitter smile twisted his lips. "If I am struggling to come to terms with what I saw I cannot imagine how a civilian must be feeling. I fear they won't get the support they need."
"Father will know what to do for them."
"Father is a king without a kingdom. And you know that Mother was always the one to champion the people."
Loki shrugged helplessly. "I don't know what you want me to say here. There is no silver lining here. No happy ending. I can't get you to Jötunheim, at least not for another few months, and we have no idea what happened to Heimdall so no communication. All we can do is wait this out."
"Until what? Until Jötunheim is attacked too? Until Midgard falls?!"
"It won't come to that!"
"You don't know that!" Thor leapt to his feet, his mug flying to smash on the tiled floor as he stormed over to the window. "You have no idea what is going to happen, and neither do I! And you're just sitting there trying to tell me, what? That it will all be alright?!"
"I can tell you that we're all going to die slowly and horribly if you prefer."
"Your humour is not appreciated!" The thunder God slammed the flat of his hand against the window pane, resting his forehead against the cool glass. Then he sighed, heavily. "Look at us…Mother would not want us to argue."
"Well, she wouldn't exactly be shocked."
Thor turned back to see his brother's wan smile, and managed to return the expression. "No…No I suppose she would not. You know, I managed to speak to her…when we first got there."
It was the hesitation that made Loki query the statement. "About what?"
"You. Your current situation."
"My current…Oh." His smile brightened. "You told her?"
"I decided we couldn't guarantee the outcome of the battle so I took our parents aside and told them the moment there was a chance. I wanted them to know in case something happened." Thor also managed to look happier. "She was absolutely delighted. I don't think poor Tony knew what hit him."
Loki could well imagine that moment. "Thank you."
To know that his mother had died after hearing good news, that she had been happy and excited about more grandchildren made the pain of her loss ease ever so slightly in some ways. It hit harder than ever in other ways though: Frigga would never meet her youngest grandchildren.
Thor could see the moment that something inside Loki just broke.
"Brother…" It was such an instinctive action for the older God to pull the younger against him, holding him tight as the tidal wave of grief hit Loki hard.
"I can't imagine her gone…" The words were indistinct, so full of pain. "She was…She was the only one…"
She was the only one who always believed in me.
Through so many millennia of confusion and jealousy and isolation and loneliness. Frigga had always been there. A calm word in the face of jealous anger, a warm embrace when the teasing of Thor's friends grew too much, a listening ear to a young man who just couldn't work out why he didn't fit into the world like everyone else.
She had listened, encouraged, cheered, praised, believed. The parent who had never put him down for using tricks or intellect against stronger opponents. The one who saw how much he struggled and praised his efforts when it was clear how hard he had strived to achieve things that just came so easily to Thor.
And Loki couldn't begin to fathom a life in which she wasn't there. He didn't want to fathom that sort of existence. It wasn't allowed to happen. She had to meet the twins, delight in being a Grandmother again. She needed to be there to bestow all of that adoration and affection onto the two babies and spoil them rotten. She needed to be there for Evie, making sure the older girl was still getting some attention whilst everyone fawned over the babies. She needed to take Evie out for coffee or a walk or something to get away from the crying and diaper changing.
Loki realised he had never seen his Mother in Midgardian dress. Now he never would.
All of the should-have-been's, and never-would-be's and conversations that would now never be spoken piled up and fell in that terrible realisation.
She was gone. Frigga was gone.
"It's not fair." The statement was so childish; as if the universe ever cared about fairness. But Thor simply hugged him tighter.
"I know." His voice was gruff and heavy with his own tears. "It isn't."
MWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMW
Despite everything that had happened, Evie still got up early to go to the gym the next morning. As much as she had initially hated waking up at – what she deemed – an unreasonable hour, the routine was calming and stress-running on the treadmill was quite cathartic. In fact, stress-running often led to personal bests.
This time, however, when she finished she realised someone was watching.
"Uh, hi?"
Merlin was stood in the large glass doorway to the gym, two cups of coffee in hand.
"Good morning. I've bought you a drink."
"Thanks?" Having never really met the man – they hadn't spoken the night before – Evie watched him warily as he walked onto the sprung floor. "Um…I probably shouldn't be drinking a diuretic straight after training though…"
"Of course." The warlock glanced down at the cups and one swiftly morphed into a bottle of water. Evie's eyes widened, curious despite herself.
"Oh wow…"
"You can't do that?"
"The magic gene skipped me." She finally took a few steps towards him, enough to accept the water, and was given a faint smile in return. "So…I'm assuming Möðhy told you to come and talk to me?"
"What makes you assume that?"
"You don't seem like the type of person to start a conversation unless you need to." Evie said with a shrug. "And since I get on really well with Sleipnir I think Möðhy is hoping the same will happen between us."
"You don't sound so sure."
She shrugged. "You come across quite stern in your emails."
Merlin's faint smirk became a little more of an actual smile. "Yes, I suppose I do. I am willing to try if you are, though? Not that I think we're likely to find a common ground very quickly."
"Well…I generally stick the TV on whilst I stretch out after a run-" Evie waved a hand towards the large wall-mounted screen, that Jarvis obligingly turned on. "-so if you wanted to hang around we could watch some shitty reality show and rip it to pieces?"
The warlock raised an amused eyebrow. "Is that how you usually get to know someone?"
"Sleipnir and I sat up until stupid-o'clock in the morning watching musicals when we first met, so yeah."
It was hard to tell if Merlin was simply humouring Loki's request to make an effort or if he genuinely wanted to get to know his little half-sister. However, he took Evie's invitation to sit down with her and start a dialogue.
"One request; can we please not watch one of those dreadful talk shows?"
"I guess."
MWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMW
Tony woke up grudgingly and took a long time to realise where he was. His hand was already up in the air in the summoning position and the suit was materialising around him before he recognised the bedroom he was in.
"Tony, is that you?" Loki's voice came from the bathroom and made Stark jump.
"Sir, I have disarmed the suit."
Jarvis was more familiar – Jarvis had been with him throughout the battle in Asgard, and was a voice that was safe. Safe meant his heart rate could wind down from a furious hum and the adrenaline could turn off. Safe meant he could register that his husband was talking to him and that he didn't need to be ready to jump immediately into a fight.
"It's okay Jarvis; the day I need protection from Tony Stark is the day I get thrown out of a window."
Tony felt the gentle hands carefully removing the gauntlet from around his wrist before his brain could really comprehend that he was seeing the trickster sat next to him on the bed.
"Are you saying you think I could throw you out a window?" He murmured.
"I'm saying you might well try." Loki finished dismantling the parts of the suit that had managed to converge on their owner and dropped them to the floor. "But you would fail."
"Hmm, I'm due some payback for the window thing."
"Hardly; you impregnated me."
"…Oh yeah."
"Did you sleep okay?"
Tony wiped a hand across his eyes. "I guess? I don't remember dreaming, but I don't feel very rested." He finally managed to focus on Loki and frowned slightly. "And you? You look about as good as I feel."
"I've just spent the past fifteen minutes throwing up; I'm not going to look very good after that." There was enough gentle humour in the statement for Tony to know it wasn't something to worry over.
"Are you done or am I in the firing line here?"
"I'm done." Loki smirked slightly. "Do you need to sleep some more?"
"Nah; I want food."
"I'll go and sort something; I'll meet you down in the kitchen."
Tony took his time in showering and getting changed. Other than a quick clean up the previous night he hadn't properly washed since leaving for Asgard and the hot water was a luxury he had genuinely forgotten could feel so good.
"Jarvis; has Loki been okay? Is there anything you think I should know that he's unlikely to tell me?"
"He told Miss Romanov about the pregnancy, and then asked me to break the news to everyone else." Jarvis answered. "It went down well, although some were more weirded out than others."
"Good to know. And Loki himself?"
"He's been …as good as expected."
Tony huffed with morbid laughter as he rinsed the shampoo out of his hair. "That good, huh? He's obviously still being sick, has that been any better?"
"Why are you asking me instead of your husband, sir?"
"Because he won't tell me; he'll just say he's been fine and refuse to elaborate."
"That's probably accurate." Jarvis sounded amused. "He is still very sick, but it is noticeably better than it was. He's been sleeping very poorly though; nightmares mostly. He didn't exactly sleep last night and spent most of the time in the kitchen with Thor."
Stark rolled his eyes. "And he didn't mention a word of that when I woke up."
"Well he wouldn't, would he?"
"And you've grown sassier in my absence. Too much time with Evie." He grudgingly decided that it was time to leave the hot water and blindly grabbed for a towel. "Has Birdy been okay?"
"No. She's been terrified what would happen to you, of course. She's also been sleeping poorly, but not as badly as your husband."
"Oh God…" Tony abandoned his attempts to dry off, leaning against the wall for a moment. "I didn't want to leave them. You know that, right?"
"Of course sir. And they know it too. But it didn't make your absence any easier."
"I guess…"
"I have left some clothes out on the bed for you." Jarvis prompted when Tony made no move to continue drying himself.
"Yeah…yeah thanks, buddy."
WMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMW
In the following days it was difficult to fall back into a normal routine. Thor was grieving for his lost family and friends, as well as his home-world, and Tony was struggling with the returning symptoms of PTSD brought on by the battle. Bruce was hardly seen outside of his suite of rooms; having spent so long as the Hulk it was taking a long time to re-find himself.
Rhodes was still in a coma. Apparently he was stable, but given that the doctors couldn't reliably say if he was going to wake up it was hard to be happy about the situation. Tony had spent a large amount of time sat with the unconscious man, possibly more time than he had spent with his actual family.
And time not spent with Rhodes was spent down in the workshops working on Gods-knew-what, falling straight back into the bad habits of barely eating and never sleeping. The alcohol was staying out of the picture at least, but only to be replaced with energy drinks. Jarvis was constantly ferrying out uneaten food and cold coffee.
They had had the added problem of what to do with Sleipnir, as well.
He was far too big to stay cooped up in the living room, but with eight legs – one in a bright blue cast – that he couldn't hide there was no real way he could go out on the balcony either.
After a long discussion between the two brothers (with no small amount of prodding from Loki) Sleipnir grudgingly agreed that the best plan was probably to leave with Merlin and go back to the Warlock's home in England. Apparently he lived in a converted farm house, and was currently only keeping cars in the stables so could easily air some out for the horse. It also meant that Sleipnir could have full range of a considerable number of fields, other horses for company and a magic user on hand to help with his injuries and who could hide his extra legs.
With no news from Heimdall, from anyone outside of the realm, it was the best they could do.
WMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWM
"Hey."
Loki glanced up from his book at the sound of his husband's voice. He had commandeered his favourite hchair in the library and was surprised that he had even been spotted. He tended to curl up when reading which meant he could be hard to see since the chair had a high back to it.
"Yes?" It was nearly two weeks since they had had something that could have been even vaguely considered a conversation and the apathy in his question showed.
"You okay if we talk a bit?"
It was something. He put the book to one side to look up expectantly. "I'm always here if you want to talk."
"Don't say that. I'm meant to say that." Tony groaned. He rested his arms on the back of the chair, so that he could lean over to see his husband.
"I think either of us can say it really."
"No. You're going through so much shit at the moment and I've holed myself up in the lab again."
"You're going through a lot too. It was probably best for us to process things in our own ways for a while. Have a little bit of space."
"But we shouldn't have to. We're meant to do these things together."
"We can do these things together. We don't have to. We have the option. Sometimes just knowing the option is there is what's needed. Had I really needed some support I could have easily gone down to the lab."
"But-"
Loki reached up to tap Stark on the nose. "Tony, you came here with a purpose. What did you want?"
"I…What? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I did." Tony grinned sheepishly. "Yeah. Uh…I wanted to apologise."
"Apologise? What for?"
"I've been really absent recently and…and that sucks. And I'm sorry. And…I'm not so good at apologising? But I'm sorry. Whether you think you needed me or not, I should have been here."
"Tony; it's fine. If it will stop you feeling guilty then I accept your apology. But it isn't needed."
"I brought you an 'I'm sorry' gift anyway."
Loki had to smile at that. "Well I've never been one to turn down gifts." He shifted somewhat to sit up properly as Tony reached down and held up the bad he had dropped behind the back of the chair. The smell that rose from it was mouth-watering. "What is that?"
Stark grinned. "Well, despite Merlin's herbal tea gunk, I know you're still being sick, and you haven't been eating very well. And a little Birdy told me you had some cravings when you were pregnant with her so I made an educated guess you might be feeling the same way again."
The brown paper bag had a grease stain that nearly blotted out the name Arora's pastries and bakery on the side, but Loki recognised the logo and his face lit up.
"I didn't know they were still in business!"
"Yup! I didn't know which ones you liked, so I got all of them and hoped for the best." Tony handed over the bag, pleased to see the wide smile now shining across Loki's face.
"Oh, I never had a favourite; just whichever looked the nicest on any given day." The trickster had opened the bag and the delicious smell of freshly baked pastries wafted out. He pulled out the top Danish pastry, a huge swirl of flaking goodness with currants poking through the layers. "They're still warm!"
"Only the best, of course."
Loki laughed at that. "Thank you. Here, join me?" He shifted so that there was just enough room for the two of them on the chair. It took some rearranging until they could both sit comfortably; the prince leant against his husband and legs kicked carelessly over the arm of the chair.
"You're getting crumbs all over both of us."
"Mhmm, yes, I probably am."
"You could have just said you were craving those; they were easy enough to get hold of."
"I don't enjoy pandering to the usual stereotypes of pregnancy. I feel I have done an admirable job keeping my hormones in check recently; especially given all that has happened. I am not going to ruin that now by admitting I have food cravings."
"At least it isn't something weird like chocolate fish fingers or something."
"I suppose." The trickster tilted his head back so that he was looking up at Tony. "Thank you for this, I appreciate it."
"I'm still concerned about you. Even if I'm hiding in my labs, you and Evie are still my number one priorities."
"I assume you were working on something useful down there, at least?"
Stark shrugged, a little awkwardly given he had Loki resting against his chest. "Weapons." He caught his husband's surprised frown and cut him off as Loki tried to speak. "I know! I know I said I was done with that. I know I keep saying I'm done with that but…The universe is a lot smaller than it used to be, and sooner or later this planet is going to be in the firing line. Another few months and you'll be back to your usual badass self and I won't need to worry so much about you, but Evie's still just a kid, and we're going to have two new-borns to keep safe as well. I thought we only had to worry about a war with Hydra, but now I'm barely thinking about those guys. If we end up with the invasion that I think will happen we need to be a lot more prepared."
Loki was silent for a long moment, his free hand moving down to rest on his stomach as he thought over Stark's words. "I don't know if Earth can be prepared." He said finally. "These things, these creatures of Thanos. They've entirely wiped out three worlds now. Alfheim was strong, Asgard was stronger, and they've destroyed both."
"You guys didn't have the weapons we can make here."
The edge to the statement made the trickster twist to look at his husband, the Danish pastry forgotten in his hand. "Nuclear?" The way Tony looked away sheepishly made Loki scowl. "What is the point in destroying the enemy if you destroy the very people you are protecting at the same time?!"
"It's a last resort."
"That's what everyone says, Tony! And if you use them then other countries will and-"
"Hey, hey." Tony buried his face in his husbands long hair, arms momentarily tightening protectively around the taller man. "Hey Capricorn, stop it. I'm not trying to start nuclear war here; I just want to be prepared. And it's hardly all I've been working on. I'd have three eyes by now if I'd spent the last few weeks sat in a lab playing with uranium."
"That's not how it works. What else have you been designing then?"
"Well, I lost the Iron Legion that I took to Asgard with me, so I've been rebuilding them, although that's mostly an automated process now that Jarvis has the scaffolds in place." Stark said quietly. "Then I looked at updating what we already have on the roof, and reinforcing the panic rooms. We need structures that can withstand this whole tower coming down on top of them. And then I started looking into how to protect at least this city, if not further."
"You would try to defend the whole of New York City?"
"Yes. And if I can't defend it you can be damn well sure I'll avenge it."
Loki caught the humour that crept into the man's voice, but it took him a moment longer to get the joke. When he did he rolled his eyes.
"I am truly glad I won't be the one facing you all down when the time comes."
"I'll admit it's much nicer having you on our side this time around."
"Whenever that time may be." The trickster shifted uncomfortably, a frown briefly crossing his face.
"What is it?"
"I'm being kicked in the kidneys." He had kept the glamour up as routine, even in private. However, when he saw Tony's delighted smile at the reference to the twins he waved a hand and let the mirage drop so that the pregnancy was suddenly very evident.
"Is it rude of me to say that you're huge? Because, seriously, you're huge."
"It's terribly rude, but I'll ignore it because it's true and I feel like a whale! Here." He took one of the man's hands and pressed it against the side of the bump. After a few seconds there was a visible little ripple under his shirt and Tony laughed at the movement under his fingers.
"Oh my God! That's…wow…I've never felt anything like that!"
"'That' is your child, currently delighting in not letting me rest." He moved Tony's hand to the other side. "And here is the other. Not quite as active right now; he's probably needing a moment after spending most of this morning dancing on my intestines."
Loki was right, the second child wasn't moving around as much as the first, which meant that Tony was able to feel the pronounced hard bulge of a head.
"That's just…That's incredible." He sounded choked up, and the trickster was reminded that actually he hadn't really let Tony have the chance to feel the twins like this. What with everything else going on, they had missed some of the fundamental moments of their children's development together.
"Here." He pointed out another ripple along the front of his stomach. "That's Left kicking again. He tends to be more active in the afternoons and if I eat something particularly warm. Right kicks more early in the morning, and likes to move if there's music on. I think Left is the one who head butted me in the diaphragm recently; he's more of a trouble maker." He smiled slightly, which faded when he saw the look on his husband's face. "What?"
"You keep saying 'he'. Do you know the genders?"
"Oh. No, no I don't. It's just nicer than saying 'it' and I've had more boys than girls so it feels more natural, I suppose. Do you want to know the genders?"
"I'm happy to be surprised." Tony placed both hands over his husband's swollen stomach, feeling the little ripples of movement within. "So, we're at six months…Are you…okay?"
"Define okay?"
"Well; you're the one who's going to have to give birth. Are you okay about it?"
Loki shrugged lightly. "If I said no what, exactly, could be done about it? I am…apprehensive – more so than usual given what has happened in the past few years, and given that there are two of them – but I have to trust both Bruce and Jarvis. At least if something goes wrong they will some idea of what to do."
"I don't really want to contemplate something going wrong."
"Oh trust me, I don't either, but I find planning for the worst usually averts it. Worst case scenario; they have to operate. I most certainly won't enjoy it, but it won't kill me."
"You sound way too blasé about that."
"What do you want me to say? I am scared. Of course I am scared. But I have to trust the people around me, and I have to trust that my body knows what it is doing. Birth is by definition a wondrous and terrifying thing; no one has ever said it is easy." The words sounded philosophical, but the way Loki's long fingers had come up to tightly grip Tony's hands said far more about his emotional state.
"You don't have to pretend to me. You know that."
"Yes, but I have to pretend to myself. I have to…I need to persuade myself that this is all going to be okay."
"Are you still having nightmares?"
Loki's sharp nod made the swirling pit of guilt in Tony's stomach deepen further. "I'm sorry; I should have been there these past nights."
"Your presence won't stop flashbacks of what the Chitauri did." The trickster said softly. "I feel one of the babies move and…I'm there again. I'm back there and I'm feeling one of those monsters they made me carry twisting and ripping inside me and…that's not something that will stop happening just because someone is with me. And if it's not that then I think ahead to the birth and all I can see is what happened with Sleipnir all over again. My mind cannot accept any eventuality other than butchery."
"I won't let that happen to you-"
"You will if it is what is needed! If something goes wrong and that's what's required then you most certainly will let it happen, Anthony Stark!"
"Bruce would never hurt you unless it was absolutely, completely and utterly the last resort. You know that. He and Jarvis are going to keep all three of you safe, and I won't leave your side." Tony said quietly. "Whatever happens, whatever direction things go in I won't leave you, not for anything."
Loki glanced at him again, a long and considering look, before nodding slowly. "I know." He smiled, just slightly. "So to answer your question; am I okay? No. I'm not. But with you, and Bruce, and Jarvis I'm pretty certain I will be. And that makes things just that bit easier to bear."
Tony pressed a kiss against the crown of his husband's head, breathing deeply for a moment. "Then I'm glad to hear it. I just wish I could help more." Then he looked up and smirked. "And for God's sake eat the rest of that pastry! You're dropping crumbs all over the chair!"