DISCLAIMER: The characters do not belong to me…they are all the creation of the wonderful Stephenie Meyer.
Making Up (Warning: Lemon toward the end)
Bella's POV
Edward sat me down on the sofa and then sat next to me, holding my hands. "Tell me what has you so upset, Love." His tender words and his calm behavior just made me feel like an even bigger jerk for the way I'd been acting with him.
"I'm sorry," I sobbed, falling into his chest and trying to hide there.
"Calm down, Bella," he said softly, running his hands over my hair and down my arm. "Whatever's wrong, we'll fix it together. Just calm down so you can tell me about it."
I still had the towel Alice had given me in my hands, so I used it to dry my face the best I could—the poor washcloth had become soaked from my tears. I took in a shuddering breath and forced myself to meet those green eyes of his. "I was wrong…about James…about everything," I said, pausing to breathe and keep myself from crying.
"What happened?" Edward asked, moving me so that I was on his lap and in his arms.
Just the way he'd said it, let me know that he really had been worried about this exact moment and it wasn't jealousy he'd been feeling. That did not help my emotional state at all and I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out—I just felt so horrible.
"Please, Bella. Talk to me," he pleaded, rocking me gently.
"He wanted me to leave you for him. He thought you and the others were treating me like a kid and keeping me from being happy. Edward, I don't know why he thought that. I've never said anything like that about you, or anybody in our family. Not even when I was mad at you."
"I think James just convinced himself that you weren't happy to justify pursuing you."
"You were right and now I feel so horrible and I don't know what to do about any of it," I said in a rush, hoping that saying it quicker would somehow make it hurt less.
"If it helps at all, I don't want to be right. I don't want you to be hurting like this, Bella."
"And that's the worst part of all," I cried, turning my face into his shirt. This time, there was no stopping the tears and sobs and I would just have to wait until I cried them all out.
Edward continued to rock me as he hummed my lullaby again and again. I never really calmed down—I just sort of went numb. One minute, I was crying and drenching Edward's shirt, and the next, I was leaning against him and staring out of the windows. I stayed there so long that I got to see the sun sink behind the trees and the stars come out overhead.
I closed my eyes for just a second and when I opened them, I was alone in the bed. The room was illuminated by the light spilling out of the crack in the bathroom doorway. I knew from the silence in the room that Edward wasn't in our room.
I pushed the covers back, surprised to find that I was just in the t-shirt Alice had given me and my socks. Edward must have undressed me to make me more comfortable; I'd have left me to be as physically miserable as I was emotionally. I deserved it.
Thinking back over the last few months, I could see what had happened so much easier. This time last year, I'd have spotted James coming from a mile away. All of those oddities I'd chocked up to his shyness would have been huge red flags waving in the wind. But I'd gotten distracted by all the things going on and I'd been searching for some sign of normalcy so hard that it had made me blind.
I used to be independent and intuitive, and full of energy. Now, I lived pretty much the same day over and over. I got up early, had my blood pressure and pulse taken, was given a healthy breakfast I had very little say in, went to work, had lunch, went back to work, came home to work some more, got my blood pressure and pulse taken again, had a dinner I also had no say-so in, and before I could do anything I actually wanted to do, I was asleep. I knew these things were important and that they were for the baby, but I felt like since this pregnancy had started, I had stopped existing. I wasn't Bella. I was just the incubator for the baby. And I knew it was absurd to feel that way, so I hadn't bothered telling anyone about it—especially not after I'd tried with Edward a few times only to be told "it's for the baby". So I'd latched onto the normalcy of being around James and that hour or two a day where I could pretend I was my old self…And I'd been absurdly selfish in my actions.
I didn't want to spend anymore time wallowing in my misery. I had more important things to do—like makeup for my idiotic behavior with my husband. I dragged myself into the closet and found a pair of pajama pants to toss on. I briefly thought about going into the bathroom to brush my hair, but decided against it—I had the feeling that looking at my bird's nest was going to make me start crying again.
I carefully made my way down the stairs, listening to the sounds in the house. I could pick out Emmett's booming laugh easily, but I could also hear Lily's much softer giggles. I made it to the bottom of the steps and had to laugh at the sight before me.
Edward was lying on his back on the floor with Lily sitting on his chest. She had a pillow in her hands and she was bopping him in the face with it and giggling so hard that she was red-faced. Emmett and Jasper were at Edward's sides, encouraging Lily to keep hitting Edward. And my Edward was being the best uncle in the world, pretending he was terrified of the little curly haired girl sitting on him.
"Bend your elbow more," Jasper instructed.
"Lift the pillow all the way up before you smack him," Emmett encouraged.
"Oh, no!" Edward cried through his laughter. "She's going to hit me again. Emmett, help me. Uncle Jazz, don't let her beat me up."
"Get him, Lily," Jasper chuckled.
"Right in the middle of that big forehead of his," Emmett added.
Lily giggled happily as she bopped Edward once again.
"They've been at it for twenty minutes," Alice announced, popping up next to me.
"It's past her bedtime, but I don't have the heart to break them up," Rose chuckled, putting an arm around my shoulders.
"He looks so happy," I said, my voice wavering as I fought to keep my tears inside. "After what I've put him through, how can he be that happy?"
"Silly Bella," Alice sighed, leaning her head on my shoulder. "You're still here with him, still completely in love with him. How could he not be happy?"
"Momma?" Lily called, turning sideways on Edward and clipping his chin with her little foot.
"Oh, and she kicks him after beating him up," Emmett chuckled, helping Lily off of Edward. Once she was on her feet, she ran to her mother, giggling as Rose scooped her up and hugged her tight.
"Is my baby girl finally ready for sleepy time?" Rose asked, her forehead pressed to Lily's.
"Book?" Lily asked.
"I don't know," Rose said. "I think we should ask Daddy."
"Daddy?" Lily called, opening and closing one hand toward Emmett.
"Bedtime for the princess," Emmett said, getting up from the floor. "Jasper, you owe me twenty. Edward, thanks for letting my baby whip your butt."
"No problem," Edward chuckled. His green eyes were bright and humorous, and his dimples were clearly visible as he smiled. He realized I was in the room and immediately scrambled to his feet, rushing over to me.
I inhaled his unique scent deeply as he held me close, placing small kisses along my cheek. "I love you," I whispered.
"I love you, too." He pulled back just enough to tilt my face up to his. "Are you hungry?"
"Not really."
"Can I get you anything to eat? Or at least drink? I'll gladly go out if we don't have anything you want here."
"Can we go together? I'm suddenly craving McDonald's fries," I told him, hoping he would let me cheat this once without a fuss.
"Oh, a cheeseburger would be so yum right now," Alice said. "Little brother, please bring me back a cheeseburger," she begged, giving him a little pout. "And an ice cream sundae with chocolate on top."
"Sure, Ali," Edward chuckled. "Jasper, do you want something?"
Jasper leaned his head over the back of the couch and looked at us. "A quarter-pounder meal."
"You better get a Big Mac meal for Emmett and a chicken salad for Rosalie," Alice added. "They'll be hungry once they finish getting Lily to sleep."
"Such an amazing power and yet you didn't know you were pregnant," I chuckled.
"I know," Alice giggled. "It's on the fritz for me, but I can't complain. This baby was a great surprise," she said, looking down at her stomach.
Edward took my hand into his and headed for the front door. "We'll be back shortly."
"Make sure your phone is on. I might have to call you and revise my order," Alice yelled as the front door closed behind us.
"She's going to be such a terror," I chuckled. "You just thought you had it bad with me. Poor Jasper is going to be pulling out that blonde hair of his before it's over."
"Doubtful. He always seems to find a way to remain calm, no matter what the situation." Edward opened my door for me and made sure I got in safely. For the first time in a couple of weeks, it felt like he wanted to do this for me, not that he had to do it.
We talked about Alice and Jasper, and their baby the whole car ride, neither of us wanting to bring up James just yet. But I knew we would have to before the night ended.
When we got home, we all sat around the coffee table in the living room, swapping food and stories. Emmett told everyone about his attempts to learn how to put a diaper on by using a doll, while Rosalie described how funny it was for her to watch him run through a whole pack of diapers before getting it right. To get back at her, Emmett let it slip that Rose had laughed so hard, she'd peed her pants. Apparently, during the last couple of months of pregnancy the baby tends to sit on the bladder, making it possible for a poor pregnant woman to laugh hard enough to pee. So to get back at him, Rose smacked him upside the head and told about him trying out breast milk in his coffee and how it had made him puke. All of these were things I could have done without knowing about my brother and my sister-in-law.
For Alice's story, she gave us all the harrowing tale of her attempts to get pregnant—thankfully leaving out the risqué details that none of us wanted to know. Rose's earlier comments about Alice being worried made a lot more sense now, and I understood why Alice hadn't felt like confiding in me at the time.
"Alice, I'm excited that we get to be pregnant together. Wouldn't it be great if Rose was too?" I asked.
"No," Rose chuckled. "It would not. I love my baby girl to death, but I'm not ready for a second one."
"That's right," Emmett agreed. "But as soon as Lily turns four, I'm trying for a boy."
"That's so male of you," Alice giggled, tossing a fry at Emmett. "You've got that beautiful little girl who looks just like you and you still want a boy."
"I want to carry-on the Swan name. Sue me," Emmett shrugged. "And I don't care if I have ten boys, they could never replace my princess."
"What are you going to do if you end up with two princesses?" Jasper asked, smirking a little.
"Pray," Emmett replied immediately. We all laughed at the serious expression on his face.
"What about you, Jasper? Boy or girl?" I asked.
Jasper lifted Alice's hand and kissed the back of it sweetly. "Well, I definitely would like one or two of each eventually. But for the first baby, I think a boy would be nice. He could take up for his little sister once she came along."
"Just like you used to take up for me," Rosalie said, smiling at her brother. "Even though I was technically older."
"Twenty seconds. Big whup," Jasper replied, waving a hand through the air.
"Don't forget that a big sister can also look out for a little brother," Alice chirped. "Right, Edward?"
"Right, Ali," Edward chuckled. "Just make sure your daughter keeps better track of her brother's toys."
Alice poked her tongue at Edward and he reciprocated, making all of us laugh again.
Rose sighed as she looked down at her watch. "This has been fun, but if Alice really wants to drag us off shopping first thing in the morning, I need my beauty sleep."
"You always look beautiful," Emmett said, kissing her cheek.
Rose smiled and patted the side of his face. "I love you, you big bear."
"I love you, too," Emmett replied, smiling happily. And then the sweet moment turned into a pure Emmett moment as he got to his feet and tossed Rose over his shoulder, bounding up the stairs with her.
Once Alice and I stopped giggling, we hugged each other goodnight and Jasper walked her up the stairs toward their room.
Edward and I stayed behind to clean up the living room. "Why don't you rest on the couch while I clean this up?" he suggested.
"Are you sure? I don't mind helping," I told him.
"I'd really like it if you just rested," he said, his green eyes pleading with me to give in.
I smiled and kissed his lips quickly. "Okay." He helped me up from the floor and then I stretched myself out on the couch, covering up with the blanket Esme kept on the back of it. "Alice seems really happy," I mentioned, just wanting to hear his voice a little more.
"She does," he agreed. "I'm glad her dreams are coming true for her. I have no doubt that she'll be a great mother."
"Will Alice have any trouble? You know, since your mom did?"
"There's no way to know yet. Hopefully, she'll have an easy pregnancy, much like Rosalie did. And even if she comes across a few problems here and there, she won't let it get her down for long. Alice has always been able to adapt to new situations with an enviable amount of determination and poise."
"Think she can share some of that with me?" I chuckled, only partly joking. Had a I had a little of that, I'd like to think the James thing never would have happened.
Edward snorted a little and flashed me a smile, his dimples peeking out just a bit. "I'll be back. I'm going to throw this stuff away in the kitchen."
When he came back a few minutes later, he was smiling like a Cheshire cat and had one hand behind his back.
"What are you doing?" I asked, laughing a little.
"Making you smile," he said, leaning over the back of the couch. He lowered his head a little more and kissed me.
I chuckled and pressed a finger against one of his dimples. "What's behind your back that has you all smiles?"
"Something for you."
"Me?"
"Yes." He pulled his arm forward and held out a piece of lavender flower to me. "Esme's been growing them in secret. She said the scent would be soothing to you and help you sleep a little better as your belly expands and it becomes harder for you to get comfortable."
"Between the two of you, you really are thinking of everything," I mused, taking the offered flower. I breathed in the sweet smell coming from the flower and smiled. "It's a very nice scent."
"Let's go upstairs and see if it works."
"Won't it die if we don't put it in some water?" I asked as he helped me up from the sofa.
"We can use the glass we keep in the bathroom until tomorrow morning," he replied. "I'll have Esme find you a small vase. I'm sure there's one in the house somewhere."
We went up to our room and Edward took the flower from me, heading into the bathroom to put it in some water. I got rid of my pants and then climbed into bed, settling myself against the pillows.
Edward came out and put the glass on my nightstand, making sure to keep it away from the alarm so I wouldn't accidentally knock it over when smacking the clock. He smiled at me and then disappeared into our closet to change for bed.
As soon as he got into the bed, I scooted over and wrapped my arm around him. "I love you."
"I love you, too, Bella," he sighed, putting his own arm around my waist and drawing me a little closer. "So very much."
I took a deep breath and then started the conversation we'd both been avoiding. "I'm really sorry, Edward. I should have tried harder to hear what you were saying and not push it away just because I wanted James to be my friend."
"It's not your fault, Love. It's mine."
I tilted my head back so I could see his face. "How could it possibly be your fault? You tried to tell me."
"I shouldn't have become so protective of you the moment you told me you were pregnant. If I'd acted differently, it would've been easier for you to believe me."
"And if I had tried a little harder to recognize how this pregnancy has changed your life, I would have been able to understand and believe you. But no! I was just thinking of all the ways it's made my life different and difficult. I was so selfish. And therefore, it's still my fault."
He buried his face in my hair and sighed heavily. "Can we not worry about faults? Can we just be glad it ended today without getting any more complicated?"
"Yes," I whispered, not trusting myself to speak louder. I was pretty sure my voice would crack from how horrible I was feeling again. This had hurt Edward so much and yet he still wanted to take the blame for it…for me.
"Bella, if I ask you something, will you tell me the truth? Even if it might hurt me?"
"I'll answer any question you ask, but I hope you know I would never hurt you."
He was quiet for a minute before replying. "I know you wouldn't mean it if you did."
I started to feel a little afraid of what his question might be, wondering if I would hurt him somehow. But my curiosity was stronger than my fear. "What's your question, Edward?"
"I know you haven't been happy with me lately…" He paused and when he spoke again, I could hear the emotions he was trying so hard to hide. "Bella, have I pushed you away? Do you have feelings for James?"
I took his face into my hands, wanting those green eyes of his to see the truth in my answer. "No, Edward. Not even for a single moment. No matter how upset I've been with you, I've still loved you with my whole heart. I'll always love you that way because you're mine forever. You promised me." I held his watery gaze as I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his tenderly. Still not breaking my eye contact with him, I whispered a promise straight from my heart. "I love you and only you, Edward. That's never going to change. No matter how many people flirt with me or want more from me, and no matter how angry you make me, it won't change."
He smiled just as a single tear fell from his sad green eyes. I leaned up and kissed it away, hating myself for hurting this beautiful man so much. No matter what I did with the rest of my life, I wondered if I could ever truly make this up to him. I knew he wouldn't blame me and I knew he would tell me I didn't have anything to make up for, but my heart said differently. All he'd ever wanted was to love me and make me happy, to protect me…And I'd ignored all of that, choosing instead to believe he was just jealous all because I wanted to feel normal and James made me feel that way.
I wasn't worthy of this wonderful man lying here with me—not in the least. But he wanted me and I wanted him to be happy, so I was just going to have to do all I could to earn the love he freely lavished on me. I kissed each of his closed eyes, his cheeks, and finally his lips, moving slowly and carefully. I was worried he'd be too hurt to allow this and would stop me—but I needed him to feel how much I loved him. Even when I was trying to be worthy of him, I was being selfish.
I reached for the hem of his shirt, but his hand gently stopped mine, wrapping around it and bringing it up to his lips for a kiss. "It's been a long day and you need to sleep," he whispered. "Alice will want to be on the road early."
"Please, Edward," I begged, brushing my lips against his. "Please let me love you."
"You already do," he chuckled, tucking the blanket around both of us.
I did my best to stop them, but those tears started pouring out of my eyes once again.
"Why are you crying?" he asked, tilting my face up toward his.
"Because I feel so awful," I sobbed. "I'm sorry that I hurt you so much that you don't want me right now."
"Isabella," he sighed, wiping my tears away with his fingers. "You are so silly sometimes. Of course I want you. I always want you. But you've had a very rough day, and long day, and you need your sleep."
"No," I argued, shaking my head. "I need you."
He gave me a tender smile, but it only made me feel worse. My lips trembled and I swallowed back another sob, not wanting him to feel like my tears were his fault—they were all my own.
His lips found mine and then he whispered his reply. "Okay."
"Okay?" I sniffled even as I kissed him again.
"Okay," he confirmed, smiling as he kissed my wet cheek. "I love you, Bella Cullen. I will love you every single day of forever."
"What you just said…right back at you, Tutor-boy," I replied, finally able to smile for him.
I pushed on his shoulder a little and he complied, stretching out onto his back. He held onto my hip and arm as I moved to sit on his legs so I could reach all my favorite places to kiss on him. I started at his neck, giving him just a few pecks to both tickle him and make him want more.
His long arms made it easy for him to trail his fingers up and down my back and I fought to ignore it and stay focused on him. I decided a distraction was needed and changed my kisses to open-mouthed ones, lightly sucking his neck for every other kiss. His hands cupped my face so gently, giving me the impression that I felt like a fragile piece of glass to him. I finally understood that it wasn't because he didn't believe in me or my strength; It was because he loved me so much he couldn't stand the thought of anything hurting me, much less him being the cause.
Edward drew my face up and kissed my lips, pouring his love and passion for me into it—I only hoped he could feel the same from me. He wrapped his arms around my back and sat up a little, opening his mouth and letting his breathe fill my own mouth. "Breathe, Bella. If you can't remember to breathe, we'll have to stop."
"I'm trying," I said honestly. "I just need you so much."
"And you'll have me. Slow down and relax." He kissed me cautiously, checking to see if I could behave and listen; I wanted this too much to do anything else.
His hands slipped under my shirt and slowly made their way up my back, massaging every muscle they touched on their journey. By the time he made it back to the edge of my shirt, I was completely relaxed in his arms, happy to let him lead.
He gripped my shirt in his hands and pulled it up and over my head, tossing it to the side—I knew he'd make sure I put it back on before he let me fall asleep. He was always worried about me getting chilly in the night, ever since that time he'd found me sitting on the floor and cold.
He moved us so that I was resting on the pillows while his hands and lips traced the curve of my stomach. I pressed my hand to his cheek, wanting him to move those wonderful lips back up to mine. He smiled and did just what I wanted, as if he could read my mind.
Every touch, every soft caress, and every tender kiss was slow and loving between us as our bodies apologized in ways our words couldn't. This wasn't just make-up sex; this was a complete reaffirmation of our love for each other, and our promise to always belong to the other.
It never should have taken such a colossal misunderstanding for me to remember every single reason that I loved Edward. I'd always promised myself I would never take him, or our family, for granted, knowing what it was like to be alone, but I'd done it anyway. Our life was just so amazing and trouble-free most days that I'd gotten complacent, assuming it would always be so great. I was determined to never let that happen again.
The last of our clothes disappeared and Edward slid himself inside of me with such tenderness and care. How could one man emit so much love and understanding? I searched the depths of his green eyes, shining in the moonlight that flowed through our room, but couldn't find an answer.
He brushed my hair from my face and I knew his whispered words were the perfect response for my earlier internal question. "You're so beautiful, and I love you so much. My beautiful Bella forever."
By the time the slow buildup turned into our sweet releases, I could barely keep my eyes open. Edward slipped my shirt on for me and cuddled me close, lightly kissing the back of my neck as he hummed my lullaby. This time, I knew for sure that we'd made up and the fight between us was completely over with. We'd eventually have to sit down with James and sort this whole thing out, but for now, I was content to just focus on the present. There were strong, wonderful, protective arms holding me and warming me—that seemed to be the most important thing for right now.
A/N: Yes, it's another note from little old me. First off, thank you all for the reviews for last chapter. I'm glad so many of you enjoyed it. James is going to be sticking around for a few more chapters, but he will not be doing anything dark and deadly to Bella. This is not that sort of story.
Secondly, I hope that after reading this, you now have a much better understanding of the mental place that Bella has been in and that you will feel at least a little compassion towards her. Yes, she made some silly choices and she wasn't as aware as we would have liked, but she has a lot going on. Hopefully, now that you have her side of things, you will forgive her, just like Edward has. That's it. I'm out! Off to work on Alice's Plan "B" - getting Emmett some alone time with James. I'll have more chapters next weekend!