DISCLAIMER: The characters do not belong to me…they are all the creation of the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. All are human.
Ups and Downs of Motherhood
Bella's POV
I sighed as I rested on the sofa, holding Charlie's stuffed giraffe and feeling a bit sorry for myself. Edward had Charlie with him at the pediatrician's office this afternoon—I hadn't been able to go today, just like I'd been stuck at home two weeks ago when Edward had taken Charlie in to get checked out after the cord had fallen off. Since I still couldn't sit in a chair for long periods of time, a car ride plus a long wait in the doctor's office was not allowed. I wanted to be better so badly that I hadn't even asked to go today, knowing it would only hurt me to try. It was better to sit and sulk while healing than to get what I wanted and stay in pain longer. This whole experience had definitely changed the way I looked at things, getting rid of a big chunk of my stubbornness in the process.
"How are you, Sweetheart?" Esme asked, walking into the room with one of her many gardening books.
"I'm sulking," I answered honestly. Esme and I had been talking a lot lately and I didn't hold anything back with her, knowing she'd been through this herself.
"I thought you might be," she said with a smile as she sat down in the chair across from me. "You know, I secretly cursed Carlisle from the moment he left the house with Edward until he returned my baby to me."
"Does Carlisle know that?" I chuckled.
"Not a clue," she laughed. "You aren't required to share every thought with your husband. And right now, a lot of those thoughts you have are only temporary and not worth the trouble that would be caused by sharing them."
"I think Carlisle had a talk with Edward," I blurted out.
"I'm sure he has," Esme chuckled. "Why do you sound so surprised by that?"
"It's not that they talked. It's that Edward listened. He hasn't been bugging me to tell him how I feel and he's really been going out of his way to let me help with Charlie. Well, not that I can really do much yet."
"What's your favorite so far?"
I smiled wide enough to stretch my cheeks. "When Edward lets me have Charlie nap on my chest. I love having him so close, smelling that baby scent and feeling his warm little body against mine."
Esme nodded in understanding. "Edward had so much hair when he was that young and it would tickle my chin when I cuddled with him."
"I worry about what's going to happen in a couple of weeks. Edward has to go back to work and I still can't get out of the bed on my own."
"What you'll do is allow him the chance to do it all on his own. And then when he fails from lack of sleep, Carlisle and I will step in and help until you can be up with the baby. But just between you and me, if you keep doing just as the doctor says, I think you'll be able to get up much sooner than you expect."
"I hope so. It's funny because I wasn't sure if I wanted to breastfeed while I was pregnant, but now that I can't do it, I want to so badly."
"Are you still using your pump?"
"And washing the milk down the drain," I replied with a nod. "But if I can get to where I can stop taking the pills, then the medicine will clear out of my system and I'll be able to do it. If Charlie even wants that. He'll probably be too used to the bottles, though," I sighed, feeling sad at the thought of completely missing that experience.
"Sweetheart, I know how hard this is, but try not to worry just yet. I had the same fear with Edward and it ended up being for nothing."
"Really?"
"Yes," Esme chuckled. "I was so ecstatic, Bella. I honestly considered throwing myself a party to celebrate. Of course, inviting the garden club over just because I could breastfeed would have been a bit hard to explain properly."
"And I guess I should be happy Edward is getting so much time Charlie now since he'll have a big chunk of that time taken away when he goes back to work," I said.
"Just know that whether you feel happy, or sad, or jealous about it, it doesn't mean you're a bad mother, or wife, or person. You're just someone who is dealing with a loss. It's hard for someone who hasn't been through this to understand what it's like, to understand the grief. The loss of being able to create and give life is very similar to losing a loved one."
I nodded my head, wondering once again when those emotions and feelings of loss would completely hit me. Other than the occasional feelings of annoyance at not being able to do more, I was immensely thrilled to be home with Charlie. And speaking of my baby…"How much longer until they get home?" I asked, trying hard not to whine.
"A while," Esme chuckled. "You know, it's a beautiful day. Would you like to take a walk with me in the yard?"
"Actual sunshine and fresh air on my skin? I'd be nuts to not want that," I said excitedly.
"Just a leisurely stroll," Esme cautioned.
"Absolutely," I agreed without hesitation. "I promise to say something the second I start to feel tired."
Esme helped me up from the sofa with only a few groans and grunts on my part. I was practically giddy as she opened the front door and the warm late summer breeze hit my face. Esme helped me down the steps and then I was standing in the yard with the sun beaming down on my face.
"Edward and Charlie were born at just the right time of the year to allow for this," Esme mused. "To be cooped inside because of wintry conditions would make an impossible situation even worse."
Her words brought back my earlier thoughts and I looked up at her. "I haven't gotten angry about it. Is that odd?" I asked as we started to walk across the yard together.
"I think it just hasn't sunk in yet. But when it does, you'll deal with it. And if you're the smart young woman I know you are, you'll let Edward help you through it."
"Do you…do you think he blames me at all?" I asked, biting at my lip.
"Oh, no, Sweetheart. Never think that for a second."
"He's never brought it up, not once."
"That's because he's still hurting from how very close he came to losing you, Bella. It scares him to think about that day at all."
"Why hasn't he said something?"
"I believe he's trying very hard to follow a piece of advice he was given and that it hasn't occurred to him to share that knowledge and goal with you. I also think you should allow Carlisle and I to spoil the baby tonight so that Edward and you can spend some time together. I think you would both benefit from a night of relaxation and talking."
We were just making it to the backdoor and already I was feeling worn out. "That's the end of this walk," I sighed.
"Halfway around the house isn't bad at all," Esme said as she helped me up the back porch steps. "We'll get you comfortable on the sofa and then I'll bring you a big glass of iced tea to cool off with."
"Sounds great. Thank you so much, Esme."
"It's no trouble at all, dear. And I really do mean that."
I sank down onto the sofa and against all of those pillows and realized just how tired I was from my little walk. A huge yawn escaped me, making Esme chuckle.
"Should I hold off on the tea until you're sure you'll be awake for it?" she asked.
"Probably," I said, yawning again.
She pulled the blanket from the back of the sofa and I swear the second she had it tucked around me, I was out. I was actually surprised it had taken me so long. I'd managed to stay up half the night with Edward and the baby, much to my loving husband's displeasure. Charlie had decided a week ago that he liked being awake during the night a lot better than the daytime and I was trying to help Edward get him back onto schedule. Plus, I needed the practice since Edward would be going back to work soon.
"Tell her, Charlie. Say 'wake up, Mommy'," a familiar voice whispered.
A felt a puff of warm air on my cheek and a small hand just below my throat. I smiled and forced my eyes to open, finding my sweet baby boy right away.
Edward chuckled as he settled the baby into my arms and Charlie immediately wrapped his little fingers up in my hair. "Don't hurt Mommy," Edward said softly as he freed my hair.
"My little man would never do that," I cooed, kissing Charlie's little hand. "What did the doctor say?"
"That this little guy is healthy and right on schedule with other babies his age. I explained about the night owl business and he said that we should keep the lights out and not really talk when Charlie wakes in the night. He says if we do that for awhile, Charlie will figure out nighttime is for sleeping and will get back on schedule."
"That's my boy," I sighed, hugging him close. "Happy and healthy, and just perfect."
"And he has a set of lungs on him," Edward chuckled.
"What are you talking about?" I asked nervously. My little man only gave out a real cry when we took his blanket off, and it wasn't really that loud.
"Charlie got his first immunization shot today. He really didn't care for it."
I slapped Edward on the shoulder as hard as I could. "You let them stick a needle in my baby," I fussed, trying to keep my voice from scaring Charlie.
"Bella, we discussed this," Edward said calmly. "Charlie has to have his shots, just like any other baby. I promise you that I held him while the nurse gave him the shot, and I hummed your lullaby to him to calm him right away. He'll never remember it."
"I know what we'll do, baby," I cooed, ignoring Edward's rational explanation. I understood the need for the shots, but I couldn't stand the thought of Charlie being in pain. "We'll give you a warm bubble bath. Mommy knows how much you enjoy them."
"Especially now that he's figured out how to kick those little legs of his," Edward chuckled. "But the bath will have to wait. It's almost time for his bottle. Do you want the feeding honors, Mommy?"
"Like you even need to ask, Daddy," I said, smiling at Edward.
He leaned forward and kissed me. "I love you."
"Do that again and prove it," I challenged.
He gave me my favorite dimpled smile and then pressed his lips to mine again. The kiss was just starting to get good when Charlie interrupted by smacking his little hand against Edward's cheek and making us laugh.
"I'm pretty sure he just told you to stop kissing me and go get his bottle," I said, still laughing a little.
"He can wait a few more minutes."
"No, you can wait. Esme offered to watch Charlie tonight so that you and I could have a night off from baby duty. I think it's a really good idea. And the perfect opportunity to share more kisses."
"Just remember you aren't allowed to get carried away."
"Trust me, Edward. There's no way for me to forget."
"Well, as long as you think it's a good idea, then I'm fine with it."
"I would really like to just lie in bed and relax with you. I'll miss having Charlie with us, but I really think we should do this."
"Alright, Love," Edward said, smiling at me. "I'll be right back."
"Take your time. Charlie and I will keep each other entertained," I chuckled. I carefully lifted Charlie up, making sure I didn't stretch my stomach muscles and smiled at my baby boy. "What an exciting night you have ahead of you. A warm bottle, a nice bubble bath, and then time with Grandma and Grandpa."
Charlie's hand found its way to my lips and I laughed as I kissed his little fingers. His lips twitched, looking like he was trying to smile.
"Come on, Charlie. You can do it. Smile for Mommy," I urged, practically begging.
His lips twitched again, but instead of smiling, he blew baby bubbles at me. I laughed and snuggled him close, kissing his little forehead.
"It's okay, little man. You'll smile when you're ready," I told him. "Mommy missed you so much while you were gone. I know it might not look like it since I was sleeping when you got home, but I promise that you were missed every single second."
"I thought I'd heard Edward's voice," Esme chuckled as she peeked over the sofa at Charlie and me. "How was the doctor's visit?"
"Your son let them stick a big, mean needle in your grandson's leg," I said around Charlie's fingers as he tried to pull on my bottom lip.
"Immunization time already? Well, he is four weeks old now so that's just about right."
"I talked to Edward about tonight and he's fine with you taking Charlie for the night."
"It makes it a bit easier to let go since we're only down the hall," Esme chuckled.
"Have I told you yet today how much I appreciate all of the help Carlisle and you are giving us?"
Esme smiled and kissed my forehead. "I'm reminded of life with you just after your first Christmas with us. You thanked us every day for close to a year and a half before we got you to stop."
"I really do appreciate it, Esme." And then I started crying for no good reason that I could figure out. "I love you all so much."
"Oh, we know, Bella," she said softly, pressing her head to mine. "It's okay, Sweetheart. I know it's hard to see it right now, but everything's going to get better. You'll heal and get to be the mother you long to be, and with Edward at your side, you'll be great parents to this special little man."
"Everything okay?" Edward asked, walking into the room as I wiped at my wet face.
"Sure," I said, giving him a smile. "Just thanking your mom for all of her help."
Edward handed me the bottle and then kissed his mother's cheek. "Thank you, Mom."
"You're giving me the best 'thank you' possible," Esme said, patting his cheek. "You're letting me have my grandson all to myself. I might let your father help me, if he's lucky," she added with a laugh.
"What a lucky boy you are," I cooed to Charlie as he sucked hungrily on his bottle. "Grandma loves you so much she doesn't want to share."
"Very lucky," Edward agreed, holding Charlie's little hand. "So how has your afternoon been, Love?" Edward asked as he smiled at me.
"I made it halfway around the house with your mom before I got tired. Well, my legs got really tired anyway."
"What about your stomach?"
"Still hurts a lot to get up at first, but lying down is barely anything now. I think my impromptu nap had more to do with staying up last night than anything."
"I warned you," he chuckled.
I ignored his teasing as I moved Charlie to my shoulder to burp him. "When we go out for our walk after dinner, can we go to our spot?"
"That depends on if you can make the walk back."
"Well, I made it around the house twice yesterday morning and then twice last night, so that's about the same distance there and back. And I did have a nap today."
"Then we'll take our time and give it a try."
I smiled at Edward, loving that he was being so supportive and not trying to keep me locked up in the house. I'd been worried that even with my doctor's permission, Edward was going to try to force me to stay in bed. But nope! Not only was he taking the walks with me, he was even urging me to go a little further every time we went out.
Charlie finally burped, letting out one that was loud and long…and wet! "Edward! Catch it before it gets on the sofa!" I squeaked, pulling Charlie away from my shoulder. I used his bib to wipe up the rest of his spit-up while Edward used the burp cloth to clean up the back of my shirt.
"Bella, you're going to have to take a shower before dinner. It's in your hair," he said with a hint of laughter in his voice.
"I dare you to laugh, Tutor-boy," I warned him. I looked down at my son who was watching Edward like a hawk. "Do you see Daddy? He's cleaning up the mess you made, little man. But don't you worry. Mommy's not upset at all—she finally gets to have a real shower because of you."
"Can you make it up the steps with Charlie while I grab clothes for us all?" Edward asked.
I was so excited that he was even considering letting me try the stairs with Charlie. And because of that, I wanted to make sure I was earning the trust he was giving. "Honestly, I'm not sure enough of my legs to risk it. So I think you should carry Charlie and then I can hold him in the bathroom while you get our clothes."
"That sounds like a great plan," Edward replied with a big smile. "Mom?" he called out.
Esme came into the room wiping her hands on a dishtowel. "Yes, Dear?"
"Charlie has made it necessary for Bella to have a shower and since we were already planning to bathe him tonight, we're just going to bring him into the shower," Edward told her. "After we have him cleaned up, would you want to take him? If you're not ready that early, that's fine. I just thought I would offer."
"Of course I want to take him," Esme chuckled. She took Charlie into her arms and gave him four quick kisses on his cheek. "Grandma wants all the time she can get with her grandson."
"And his Mommy wants the rest of his bottle out of her hair," I sighed. "Little man, it might taste good to you going down, but once it's on Mommy, it stinks."
"Come on, Love," Edward chuckled as he helped me up from the sofa. "Let's get you cleaned up."
I hissed a little as my stomach muscles tightened, but once I was standing up straight, the pain faded to a dull throb. "I can't wait for that to stop hurting," I muttered, resisting the urge to wrap an arm around my stomach.
Edward took the baby from Esme and the three of us made our way to the second floor. I couldn't wait until we could move back up to the third floor and for Charlie to see his room, but that was still a couple of weeks away at least. We went into the large guest bathroom and Edward passed me the baby, giving us both a kiss before he left us.
"Are you ready to play in the water, little man?" I asked as I held Charlie against me. "Daddy's going to have to hold you in there, but that's okay. That just means Mommy gets to wash your little hands and feet and get you smelling all clean."
"And Mommy too," Edward chuckled as he came back into the bathroom. He had all of our clothes in one arm…and Charlie's bouncy seat in the other. Not only could I not undress my son or hold him in the shower, he had to sit around and wait for his father to undress his mother. I held Charlie tighter against me, trying to think only of him and push away the sadness I was feeling.
Edward set down Charlie's seat, making sure it was far enough onto the counter to be safe. I passed Charlie to him, wishing I could bend over the little distance it would take to safely buckle Charlie in.
"What are you thinking?" Edward asked as he pulled Charlie's tiny blue polo shirt over his head.
"Just ready to shower and get the smell out," I said, trying to smile.
"Why don't you undress while I get the baby ready?" Edward suggested.
He pulled down Charlie's little khaki shorts and my eyes landed on the band-aid on his little thigh. I had to fight back the tears as I lightly ran my finger over it. My little boy had gotten a shot and I hadn't even been there to make him feel better.
"Bella, I promise you it doesn't hurt him any longer," Edward said softly, rubbing my back with his free hand.
"You know if he does remember and he's afraid of needles for life, I'm so teaching him to blame you," I teased, trying to lighten my own mood.
Edward laughed as he gently laid Charlie onto a towel on the counter. "If I agree to take the fall, will you let go of 'Tutor-boy'?"
"Not on your life," I chuckled as he peeled Charlie's diaper back. I was watching our baby intently while we talked, but Edward was busy watching me—and Charlie had good aim. I covered my mouth, trying hard not to laugh, but that wet spot on the front of Edward's shirt was just too much.
Poor Edward looked so shocked as his eyes darted between his clothes and our son.
"Honey, you've just been baptized," I said, only letting out a small chuckle.
Edward snorted and shook his head as he looked down at Charlie. "You've gotten Mommy and Daddy. Are you happy now?"
The way Charlie's little arms and legs were pumping seemed like a very clear "yes" to me.
Edward decided to fasten Charlie's diaper back for now and then he stripped off his soiled shirt. I started trying to get my own clothes off, hoping I could at least manage my shirt and bra today.
I got the shirt up and over, but I couldn't pull my arms behind my back without causing myself pain. So I just gave up and settled for making faces at Charlie while Edward undressed himself. "His lips twitched today, Edward. I really think he's getting close to smiling for us."
"You're going to throw a party when it finally happens, won't you?" Edward teased, grinning at me.
"Sorry that our baby's milestones are such a thrill for me," I said sarcastically.
"They are for me too, Love, but you look forward to some more than I can comprehend."
"Well, right now, he pretty much makes the same face all of the time. But once he learns to smile, we can really learn what he likes best and what's just okay," I explained. "I want this little man to be as happy as possible, but first, he has to tell me what makes him happy."
"Bella, are you ready?" Edward asked, standing behind me with his hands on my shoulders.
"Yeah, sure," I replied, trying to push away my frustration. Yes, I was once again completely dependent on Edward, but I had to keep reminding myself that I was alive and Charlie was perfectly healthy and those were the things that mattered. It was just so much easier said than done!
Once Edward put all of our dirty clothes into the hamper, he took Charlie out of his seat, dropped his diaper in the trash, and we entered the shower together. As soon as Charlie's little feet found the water, he started moving his arms and legs around even faster, tossing water droplets everywhere and making Edward and me laugh.
"I can't get over how much he loves the water. As soon as he's old enough, we have to teach him to swim," I told Edward.
"By that time it will be winter, so we'll have to wait until the next summer. They can learn very early in life, you know."
"No, I didn't. But thank you for sharing the knowledge, Tutor-boy," I teased.
"Thank you for buying me the book that told me about it," he chuckled.
Charlie's foot landed perfectly in the streaming water and the spray from his kick got me right in the face. I felt my mouth form a perfect "o" of shock and then Edward and I were once again laughing. We pretty much laughed all the way through Charlie's bath, loving the way he was so content to sit in Edward's arms and let me wash him.
As soon as Charlie was rinsed off, Edward left the shower with him so that he could get the baby dried off and passed to Esme. I stood under the spray, letting it beat against my shoulders and back as I listened to Edward speak softly to the baby.
Once again, I found myself feeling rather useless. I couldn't even take my own baby out of the shower and dry him off because I was still weak. The doctor kept assuring me it would get better and that it was just an effect of all the blood I'd lost. But that didn't make me feel any better about being a danger to my son. He could slip out of my arms or I could fall while holding him…
And here I was barely doing anything for my little boy and already I was sending him off for the night. And on the day he'd gotten a shot without me there. I really was the worst mother in the world. I turned my face into the shower, glad that Edward had gone and I could cry in peace. I leaned my head forward against the cool tile, trying to calm myself a little.
My eyes drifted downward and I saw my scar for the first time. It was red in some spots and purple in others, with a slightly puckered look to it. There were blood-soaked strips along the length of the scar, only the very tips were still the natural white color. No injury I'd ever received from my clumsiness had ever looked so disgusting. And this was four weeks later! Oh, God! Edward had been forced to look at this every time he'd given me a sponge bath. He was never going to want to see me naked again when he no longer had to help me.
My crying turned into body-shaking sobs and I had to completely lean on the wall for support. I couldn't even cry without needing help! I wanted to be angry about it, and rage and rail against it, but I just didn't have the energy in me.
A tender hand and a soft towel touched my back, and for once, Edward didn't try to make it better. He washed my back for me and then silently passed me the towel so that I could at least try to do some of this myself. I handled my face, arms, and chest before having to give the towel back. I couldn't even bring myself to clean near my scar; I really had fallen so far. The independent Bella Cullen had turned into a pathetic shell of herself.
As Edward gently passed the towel around my scar, cleaning up the edges without even really touching it, I realized I was thinking about this all wrong. Edward wasn't doing any of this because he had to. He wasn't even doing it because he wanted to—if it was up to him, he would take all of this onto himself so that I could be healthy. No, Edward was being so sweet and taking such great care of me because he loved me, unconditionally and completely. And I loved him just as much; I would do this for him in a second if things were reversed.
Once we were dry and dressed, we stretched out on the bed and Edward turned on the TV. He found "Little Shop of Horrors" playing on one of the stations and we decided to watch that since we both enjoyed it. I didn't laugh at it as much as I normally would have, but at this point, any laughter was a good thing.
Edward yawned as the credits rolled on the movie later that night. "What else would you like to watch?"
"I was sort of hoping we might talk," I said, my voice wavering a little with my nervousness. Esme kept telling me to trust Edward and to let him help me through this, but I wasn't even sure how to explain it.
Edward clicked off the TV and tossed the remote onto the edge of the bed. "Do we even remember how to have a conversation that's not full of cooing and baby talk?" he teased as he smiled at me.
"I think we'll manage," I said, smiling back as he rested his head on my shoulder. I immediately started playing in his hair, glad to be doing something so normal for even just a moment. "I love you," I told him.
"I love you, too, Bella."
"No, I mean, I really love you, Edward. I need you to understand how much I mean that. It's not just words that I say to you because you're my husband. I say them because my heart is so full of warmth and love for you that it feels like it can't quite hold it all of the time. I never thought my heart could handle loving a lot of people, but you fixed it so that it not only holds love for all of our family, it has this whole other part that's just for you."
Edward leaned up on his elbow and smiled at me so sweetly that it brought fresh tears to my eyes. "That's exactly how you make me feel, Isabella. You've helped me to have a life I never dreamed was possible. And then you went above and beyond and gave us a healthy, beautiful baby boy."
I frowned, wondering how he could possibly still hold me in such high regard after everything I'd put him through. First the mood swings, and then James, and now having to practically take care of Charlie by himself.
"Why are you frowning, Love?" he asked, caressing my face with his hand.
I took a deep breath, trying to stay calm and explain to him my feelings. "I feel like such a failure, Edward. I'm Charlie's mother, but I do the least for him. I can't even feed him properly. Everyone keeps telling me its only temporary, like that somehow lessons how crappy I feel about it. Esme is the only one who doesn't tell me that. She agrees that it sucks and tells me how mad it made her, and then she tells me of how it felt when it finally got better."
"You spent the last month of your pregnancy talking about all of the things you couldn't wait to do with him. To suddenly have all of that taken away from you, I can understand where it would leave you upset. But you should never, ever feel like a failure, Bella. You may not be able to do much right this second, but you've already done the part the counts most. You lived. To me, that's completely worth doing diaper duty and midnight feedings by myself." His emerald eyes backed up his words, showing nothing but love.
"It means a lot to me that you're trying so hard to understand."
"I've learned I'm of more use to you when I listen than when I try to fix everything. I trust that if you really want my help, you'll ask me. It's sometimes hard to wait because I know how stubborn you can be, but I also know that you don't want to miss a minute of our life together, or with Charlie."
"Edward, would you tell me how you feel?" I asked, nervously biting at my lip. I really wanted to know, but I wasn't sure if he was able to talk about it yet. It had taken me four weeks to get up the courage to talk about this and I was the curious one.
"I'm trying really hard to just be happy that I have you and the baby, but sometimes…sometimes I look at you and I think of how close I came to losing you." He shook his head a little as he struggled to swallow. "Bella, I have never been so terrified in my life. I couldn't breath and my chest felt like Emmett was sitting on me. And I couldn't even see you. When the doctor finally took me back to your room, he kept trying to talk to me, but all I wanted was to see you again, and touch you. I needed proof that you had kept your promise and stayed with me."
I wiped away his tears and hugged him to me the best I could. "I love you and I'm sorry for scaring you."
"It's not like you did it on purpose."
"No," I chuckled. "I would never pick this as a way to torture you. I'd rather let Alice pick your clothes out for you.
"I'm sure she still misses that ability," Edward chuckled, kissing my forehead.
I took his hand and held it tightly in mine. "So how do you make those thoughts go away, Edward? How do you find a way to be happy when you still hurt from that day?"
"When I was cleaning out the attic with my mother, I ended up asking her about her life after she and I were released from the hospital. She said that she spent some time being very angry, but she eventually found a way to accept what had happened to her. She said she just kept reminding herself that when you are busy living your life, you don't have enough time to worry about the 'should haves'. So I decided to listen to my mother and give that a try myself."
"I'm glad it helps you. And I think I want to try that myself."
"Is there anything I can do to help, Bella? Is there some way that I can help you to feel more involved with Charlie?"
"Right now, I really do think you're doing all you can. But maybe you could agree it's time for me to start getting up with you in the night. You go back to school in a couple of weeks and you aren't going to be able to work all day and stay up with the baby all night. And Esme has already offered to help me get up with the baby. You could spend the night with us and then when it came time to go to bed, you could head upstairs to our room and Esme and I will handle the baby."
"First of all, I am not sleeping away from you. I won't even be able to sleep without you next to me. Not now," he said. His green eyes were so full of emotion that my own eyes grew moist again. "Secondly, I'm a super-hero, remember? I can handle one little baby and my job without breaking a sweat."
I chuckled at him. "You're going to so eat those words, Edward Cullen. Just as your face slams into a pillow as you pass out from exhaustion."
He pretended to be hurt, even putting his hand over his heart. "Have a little faith in me, Bella."
"I have tons of faith in you, Honey," I said sweetly. "Just not so much in your stamina," I added with a wicked grin.
Edward's grin was much wickeder than mine as he leaned in close, whispering seductively into my ear. "You just wait until you're healed and cleared, Love. I'll prove to you just how much stamina I have."
I couldn't stop my reaction to his words and I started to cry, images of my scar running through my mind.
Edward looked panicked as he tried to figure out what to do with his hands since he couldn't just take me into his arms. "Bella? What did I say? What's wrong?"
"How could you want that? I look hideous," I cried.
"No, Love," he cooed, resting his head next to mine and putting his arm over my chest. "You look beautiful, just like always."
"Stop it, Edward!" I begged. "Stop being nice! I saw the scar."
"You saw the reminder that you brought a baby into the world and survived a life-threatening situation. You saw something that's still healing and won't look nearly as rough as the days pass and it heals more," he said softly, trying to wipe my tears away. "When I see your scar, I see how much you love me. I doubt Dr. Johnson told you this, but I swear I'm telling you the truth. When he took me to your room after, he told me that if you hadn't fought so hard, he wouldn't have been able to save you. So to me, your scar is just a sign of how hard you fought to stay with me."
I didn't say anything back—I just let Edward hold me and comfort me while I thought about how he viewed my scar. Two people looking at the same thing, but perceiving two different things. I think that was exactly why Esme had been pushing me to talk to Edward so much. She knew he would have a different view than I did. If I could find a way to reconcile our differing views, then I could get myself to follow that advice Esme had shared with Edward. And I would find a way. I was Bella Cullen, after all—most stubborn woman in our family.
This chapter is dedicated to my Cookie Mom, Lizbre. Her help with this chapter was invaluable and amazing! Big humongous, enthusiastic THANK YOU!!!
This will be our only chapter this week, but I'll be back with two chapters next weekend. And one of them will even be in Emmett's POV! Yeah for that! And one more thank you to George for her Beta help!