DISCLAIMER: The characters do not belong to me…they are all the creation of the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. All are human.
Family BBQ
Edward's POV
"What do you have, little man?" Bella asked Charlie, tickling his sides and getting him to giggle. "You have Raffe? Are you going to chew his antlers again?" (That was just for you and Cade, HP)
Charlie was almost four months old now and he was starting to enjoy holding his toys and playing with them. So far, his favorite toy was the stuffed giraffe that had adorned the diaper cake at Bella's baby shower. He loved getting some part of it into his mouth and slobbering all over it; I was not fond of being the one to touch it after that.
"What do you think, Edward?" Bella asked as she lifted Charlie up for my inspection. We were going to a family barbecue at Emmett's today and Bella was very excited about it. She'd dressed Charlie in a new black shirt and blue jeans—the shirt had a lion on it with the word "roar" going around the lion. I had no idea how she'd managed to find so many lion themed items for the baby, but she had. She said since we couldn't pass my old lion down to our baby, we'd just pass a love of lions on to him.
"He looks very dashing, Bella," I told her, taking my son and bringing him into the bathroom with me. He was starting to recognize faces and he enjoyed getting to see his face in the mirror. "What do you think, Charlie? Do you think you could dazzle the ladies in this outfit?" He laughed and leaned toward the mirror, slapping his little hand over his reflection. "I think he likes it," I said to Bella as I walked back into the bedroom with the baby.
"Good," she replied, shimmying into her jeans.
I turned away, trying to pretend I hadn't just seen that. We only had one week left before she would be cleared for "adult" activities and I was both more than ready and completely terrified. The man in me wanted to ravish my wife and get lost in touching her silky smooth skin. But the part of me that was still struggling with almost losing her wanted to wait longer. The idea of anything at all causing her more pain than she'd already been through ripped my heart up.
There was no hope of waiting, though. Bella was looking forward to next weekend and had even given me permission to rent us a room for the weekend. She'd been using her pump to make extra bottles for Charlie and was working herself up to leave him for an entire day and two nights. How could I disappoint her when she obviously wanted this so much? I'd barely been able to pull her away from Charlie since he'd been born, but to be with me, she was prepared to leave him from Friday night until Sunday morning.
I was lost…And I just might have to ask Jasper and Emmett for help. Emmett would either get angry I'd asked him at all, or he'd tease me to the point of mortification. But Jasper would be understanding and helpful.
"Edward? Hello!" Bella laughed, waving her hand in front of my face. "What are you thinking about so hard?"
"Just my beautiful wife and my little boy," I said, hugging her and Charlie close.
Bella giggled against my chest as she wrapped her arms around me. "I love you, Edward."
"I love you, too," I replied, pressing my lips to the top of her head.
Charlie accidentally smacked Bella with his giraffe and she laughed, pulling away and taking the baby from me. "Don't you worry, little man. I love you, too," she said, lifting him up just a little before bringing him back down. She knew that he liked it, but she wasn't as fearless about it as Emmett and I were.
"Do we have everything we need in his bag?" I asked, picking it from our bed.
"Three of most things," Bella replied. "We are all set for Uncle Em's barbecue."
"Let's get going then."
We headed down the stairs together and met up with my parents in the living room. "Look at that little man," my mother cooed, rushing over to Charlie and Bella. "He is so adorable in this, Bella."
"Thanks, Esme," Bella said proudly as she handed Charlie over to my mother.
"Alice will be thrilled to see she's rubbing off on Bella," my dad chuckled.
"What do you mean?" I asked, honestly not knowing.
"Son, you match your son," he chuckled, pointing between Charlie and me. I'd been so busy enjoying the morning with Bella and Charlie that I hadn't really noticed what clothes Bella had set out for me…dark jeans and a black shirt.
"You really shouldn't be using my lack of sleep against me like this, Bella," I told her.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Tutor-boy," Bella said, trying to look innocent. "I can't wait to see Elizabeth and Brandon," she said, changing the subject.
"All of our grandbabies together for the first time," my mother chirped. "Carlisle, you did charge the camera completely, right?"
"Charged and has the extra memory stick with it," my dad assured her.
We headed out of the house and piled into Bella's car with Bella and my mother sitting in the back with Charlie while my father rode up front with me. The drive to Emmett and Rosalie's house was filled with baby talk and baby noises…and Bella's laughter. It was a sound that I had missed immensely, but was starting to hear more and more of lately.
I pulled into the driveway right behind Jasper and Alice, and the front yard of Emmett's house became a flurry of movement and people as we removed all of the babies and bags from the vehicles. The ladies took the babies inside while the rest of us struggled with the numerous diaper bags, playpens, and bouncy seats that were required for a full day out of the house.
"Just put it all in the living room," Emmett said as he held the front door open for us. "I moved the extra sofa against the wall so there's plenty of room for all the baby stuff."
"Please tell me you have a cold beer for me," Jasper begged as he struggled with the playpen and two bouncy seats in his arms. My dad was carrying three of the twins diaper bags and I had the fourth, along with Charlie's bag and bouncy seat.
"One for each of you poor saps," Emmett chuckled. "It's my gift to you to welcome you to fatherhood and all the heavy lifting that comes with it."
"How about you help with the actual lifting part instead?" I asked.
"Eddie, that would be cheating you out of the joy of your fatherly duties," he replied with a huge grin.
Bella's POV
"Alice, they are so beautiful," I said, sitting next to her and the babies on Rosalie's bed.
"And so calm," she said with a huge smile, rubbing Brandon's tummy. "They are so much like Jasper right now."
Charlie started making his "mm" noise as he stuffed one of his giraffe's antlers into his mouth, making us laugh.
"Look at how active he is now," Alice cooed, tickling Charlie's chin. "I can't wait for my babies to get to that stage."
"Don't be in a rush, Ali," Esme cautioned. "They never repeat this stage again."
"I'm just so excited for all of it, Mom," Alice replied. "This is the most amazing thing I've ever done and I'm just so happy about it all."
"Even the diapers?" Rose asked, laughing a little.
"Uh, no! Jasper is handling diaper duty currently," Alice said. "I handle everything else, but the dirty diapers are his forte."
Rose looked completely shocked as she started at Alice. "How in the heck did you broker that deal?"
Alice smirked as she lifted her hand up and dramatically blew across her nails. "I have my ways."
"You sneaky, Pixie! You bribed him with promises of sex," Rose chuckled.
"Oh, Alice," Esme giggled from behind her hand.
"I only suggested it," Alice defended, still grinning like crazy. "He was the one who jumped all over the deal."
"Because he wants to jump all over you," I said with a laugh of my own.
"Speaking of that," Rose said as she took Charlie from me. "I hear this little man is spending the weekend with me next week."
"That's the plan," I replied. "I think."
"What do you mean, you think?" Alice asked.
"Well, I asked Edward about it, but I don't think he's making any plans. I think he's going to say we should wait since next Thursday is Thanksgiving."
"But that's perfect!" Alice argued. "You spend Thanksgiving with the family, you have Friday off to pack together, and then you spend the rest of Friday and all of Saturday just the two of you."
"I thought so. But like I said, I don't know about Edward. One minute, it seems like he misses me in that way and wants me, and the next…" I just finished with a shrug.
"Of course he wants you," Esme said, taking my hand into hers. "He's just reluctant because of everything that's happened."
"I know, but…Well, when's he going to stop?" I asked. "I mean, I've gotten the stitches out, I've been facing what happened and working through the anger, and I've been showing him I'm perfectly fine by handling Charlie by myself all day long. When is he going to see that I'm okay?"
"Bella, any reluctance Edward has toward you is just nerves," Rosalie told me. "It's been a long while since the two of you were intimate and you've been through a heck of a lot emotionally and physically since then. It's almost going to be like it's your first time all over again."
"So what do I do?" I asked.
"First of all, we're going to the store this week to get you something special to wear for the occasion. Secondly, Alice and I are going to give you some pointers on taking charge," Rose said.
"Shopping," Alice sighed. "I miss shopping." And then her frown turned into a smile. "But I have my babies," she cooed, leaning down and kissing Elizabeth's cheek.
"What do you mean by 'taking charge'?" I asked. The way Rose and Alice laughed in response made me a little nervous.
"Oh, how young and innocent you still are, Bells," Rose chuckled.
"Not for long," Alice promised.
Edward's POV
"Where did our wives disappear to?" Jasper asked. The four of us were sitting at one of the tables in the backyard, enjoying our beers and the sunshine.
"Do you care?" Emmett questioned. "Shouldn't you just be relieved you're being given a break?"
"I was just curious," Jasper replied. "Besides, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. The babies mostly sleep, and the only thing Ali really wants me to do is to change diapers and run errands. I almost feel like I'm not doing enough."
"I'm sure keeping Alice happy is a job within itself," my father chuckled.
"Carlisle, she's honestly calmed a lot," Jasper replied. "She still wants what she wants, but at least she's learned to be patient for it."
"My sister and patient? Yeah, I can't imagine that," I said, grinning at Jasper. "Are you sure you're talking about the Ali?"
"No," Jasper said, his smile growing even wider. "I'm talking about my Ali."
"God, go a few months without sex and you turn into such a girl," Emmett said, patting Jasper hard on the back.
"Shut up, Emmett. I happen to love my wife and don't mind saying it."
"That's because you're whipped."
"Says the man who plays tea party just because his little girl asks!"
"Hey, you were supposed to keep that to yourself," Emmett fussed.
"That's what you get for making fun of me," Jasper chuckled.
"So, Emmett, how many tea cups did you crush in those big paws of yours?" I asked, grinning at him.
"Laugh it up, Eddie," Emmett replied with a scowl.
"I will. Thank you," I chuckled.
"How about I just don't baby-sit for you next weekend then?" he challenged.
"You'll do it anyway," Jasper said. "You know Bells wants it."
"Edward, have you thought about where you would take her?" my dad asked.
"No." My answer must have surprised them because they each stared at me without saying anything. I just shrugged at them.
"Edward, you never leave anything to the last minute. What's going on?" Jasper asked.
"It's not the last minute. There's almost a week before Friday gets here," I replied.
"Dude, for you, that's like five minutes away," Emmett said.
"Planning has sort of gone out the door since Charlie came along," I told them. "It took us forever just to get him to follow a sleep schedule."
"That's a crappy excuse," Emmett said, frowning at me. "Bells is looking forward to next week. I thought you would be, too."
"I didn't say that I wasn't. I just said I haven't had time to plan for it," I replied.
"Edward, you know it's okay if you're nervous," Jasper said, putting his hand on my arm. "It's to be expected from both of you. But if Bella is ready, then you just have to man up and be ready for her."
"At least make the effort of planning something special, Edward," my father urged. "Even if you still don't feel ready to be intimate with her, give her a different sort of intimacy. How about a spa weekend? I took your mother to this beautiful hotel last year, and there was a spa suite that we rented. It had a great view and the entire room gave off a relaxing feeling. Your mother loved it, and I bet Bella would, too."
"I'll get the information from you when we get home, Dad," I said.
"Ed, man, after how big I just screwed up with Bells, don't go behind me and do the same," Emmett cautioned. "I can see in your face that you're trying to find a way out."
"This isn't the same thing," I argued. "And besides, I thought you of all people would be gung-ho about me staying away from Bella."
"I don't now, nor have I ever, condoned anything that hurts my baby sister," he replied, looking pissed. "I'm still kicking my own self for doing it to her. As hard as it was to let go and let Bella be an adult, it made her happy, so I had to learn to deal with it. She loves you, Edward. Being with you makes her happy. I'm not going to stand in the way of that. That's not to say I'm going to give you a play-by-play of how to sex my sister up, but I will be honest and say that you two need to reconnect in that way. It's great to be parents, and to focus on bonding with your kid, but you still have to be a couple, too."
"He's right," Jasper agreed. "And damn that was weird to say," he added, laughing a little.
"How many more weeks until Alice can rock your world and turn you back into a man?" Emmett goaded.
"Em, you're a—" Jasper growled before catching himself. "A very bad word I can't say because Lily just walked outside," he said, plastering a fake smile on his face for Lily's sake. "Hey, sweetheart," he said to her as she ran up to him. He lifted her up and set her on his lap, kissing her cheek. "Uncle Jasper missed you."
"Too many babies inside, Princess?" Emmett asked, reaching over and ruffling Lily's hair.
"No, they're all out here with us," Rose said as she stepped out with Brandon in her arms.
Jasper immediately got up from his seat and towed Alice over, sitting her down. "Want anything, Ali?"
"Tea would be wonderful," she chirped, smiling at him.
"Just sit and rest and I'll get it," he told her before rushing inside.
"Daddy, someone got cranky without you around," Bella said as she passed Charlie to me.
"Hey, little man," I said softly as I got him settled in my arms.
"Esme, might I have a turn with my granddaughter?" my dad asked, watching my Mom rocking Elizabeth in her arms.
"Later," she chuckled, smiling at him.
"That's okay," he groaned out as he lifted Lily up. "My first granddaughter wants to spend some time with me," he chuckled as Lily hugged him tightly.
I took Bella's hand into mine, rubbing my thumb across her soft skin. "Why don't you sit with us?" I offered.
"I don't want to make you uncomfortable," she said, giving me a sweet smile.
I smiled the way she liked best. "Please?"
Her cheeks heated up as she bit her bottom lip and nodded her head a little; I had no idea how she could still love me enough to be that affected just by me smiling at her, but I knew I wanted it to always be that way. Bella took Charlie into her arms and then she sat down in my lap, letting me hold her and our baby together.
"All these chairs and the three of you camp out in just one," Emmett chuckled.
"Jealous?" Bella asked, grinning at him.
"Yes," Emmett immediately replied. "All that's ever been missing from my life is the joy of sitting on Eddie's lap."
"You'd break him," Jasper chuckled as he handed Alice a glass of tea.
"You are the best husband in the world, you know that, right?" she asked, giving him a big smile.
"Just in your world," he chuckled, kissing her forehead.
"This is really nice," Rose said as she settled herself in Emmett's lap. "We have the whole family here, and all of our babies are here and healthy. This is exactly how it's supposed to be."
"Toss in the beer, and the burgers for later, and we've got Heaven," Emmett chuckled.
"This just goes to show that even though it may take a while, wishes do come true," my mother announced as she sat next to us with Elizabeth asleep in her arms. "I wished for a big family, full of love and cheer, and here you all are."
Bella's POV
Esme's simple declaration hit me hard for some reason and I held tighter to my son, showering him with kisses. His hand came up as he tried to give me his giraffe and I found myself laughing and sniffling. "Thank you, Charlie," I whispered to him, hugging him and his giraffe closer.
"Chippies, Momma!" Lily cried out.
I lifted my head to see her kneeling in Carlisle's lap, holding her little hand out toward her mother.
"It's only eleven-thirty in the morning, baby girl. No chippies. You can have them at lunch," Rose told her. "In fact," she said, turning her head to look at Emmett. "Poppa Bear, shouldn't you be firing up the grill?"
"Soon as my beautiful wife gets her sweet tush off me," Emmett said with a grin.
"Behave," Rose warned. She kissed his lips quickly and then stood up, letting him get out of the chair before sitting down again.
"I better help," Jasper said as he let go of Alice's hand. "We don't want him setting anything on fire."
"What did Charlie think of Elizabeth and Brandon?" Edward asked, resting his head against mine.
"He wasn't really sure what to make of them since they weren't doing anything. But Lily adores them already. She kept taking turns kissing their hands," I replied. "She's really got a way with the babies, Edward. Charlie even offered Raffe to her. Of course, the moment she tried to take him, Charlie fussed at her. Not that she would have gotten it out of his grip anyway," I chuckled. I lifted Charlie up and turned him so that he could see Edward. "Isn't that right, little man? You only let Mommy and Daddy have Raffe, and only for a little bit."
Charlie smiled at us as he excitedly bounced up and down on my legs, his little giraffe swinging back and forth from his hand.
"So has my nephew done anything new?" Alice asked.
"He rolled over onto his back yesterday," I replied. "And then he got really mad that he couldn't get back onto his stomach by himself."
"He turned as bright red as Bella does when she gets embarrassed, and he let out a howl," Edward chuckled.
"Poor little man," Rose said, smiling at Charlie. "You have things to do and that little body of yours isn't listening just yet. By the way, Bells, I love his shirt."
"Oh, that's what I forgot to say!" Alice cried. "Major points on the cuteness of my nephew, and double points for getting him to match his daddy."
"Thanks," I laughed. "I thought you'd appreciate that, Alice."
"Squirt, get over here and help," Emmett yelled out, waving his spatula at me.
"I'm comfortable," I told him.
"Yeah, but you know how to make the burgers stay together no matter how many times I flip them."
"Go on," Edward encouraged. "He's making an effort to hang out with you."
"I know, but I was enjoying my time with you and Charlie."
"We have plenty of time for that, Love. Go hang out with your big brother for now."
I agreed and left my husband and baby with the family while I joined Jasper and Emmett near the grill. "You know, if you'd just leave them alone and not flip them so often, they'd be just fine," I said, looking at the ingredient bowls they'd set out for me.
"What fun would that be?" Emmett asked, grinning at me.
"You're such a big kid," I chuckled.
"And proud of it," he replied.
"So how are things, Bells?" Jasper asked.
"Really, really good," I said honestly. "I'm not having any pain, the stitches are gone, and my scar doesn't look half as ghastly as it did in the beginning."
"And motherhood?" he questioned, handing me a tray for the burgers.
"It rocks," I chuckled. "Charlie is in this great curious stage where he's looking all around and grabbing everything he can reach. He's even trying to roll over now."
"How are you and Edward doing?" Jasper asked, exchanging a glance with Emmett. I wondered what that was about, but wasn't worried about asking for once. I was enjoying today too much to bother.
"Still a little tense at times. I don't think he really believes that I feel as good as I say I do."
"What do you mean?" Emmett asked.
"Well, like next weekend. I think Edward would prefer it if we just stayed home and didn't do anything," I explained.
"Nah," Emmett said, shaking his head. "He's just trying to keep it all a surprise, Bells. He's got it all planned it out, don't you worry."
I looked closely at Emmett, trying to figure out if he was being honest or not. "Really?"
"Would I lie to you, Squirt?" Emmett asked, looking right at me.
"I would hope not," I replied, handing him the tray of burgers for the grill. "Enough about me, though. Jasper, how are you liking fatherhood?"
"For being so small, they sure can make some major messes," he chuckled. "But I love them so much already. It's amazing that they can come into your life and just take over everything that way. Then again, that's exactly how it was with Alice," he added with a laugh.
"Imagine that," Emmett snorted. "The Pixie taking over something."
"She's still very unhappy that she's banned from helping to plan Christmas," Jasper said, grinning at me. "Rosalie and you are very brave to have stolen Alice's favorite holiday away from her."
"Well, we figured it was about time she got surprised for the holidays for once," I told him. "And I really think she's going to love what we've planned and done."
"Bella is excited for Christmas? That's a first," Emmett chuckled.
"No, I am, Em," I assured him. "I can't wait to take Charlie out in his winter gear so he can help pick a tree."
"Remember when we could all just fit in Emmett's jeep?" Jasper asked. "Now we need a whole caravan of vehicles."
I grinned at Jasper. "It's pretty cool, huh?"
"The coolest," he agreed with a nod.
"So, Bells, about next weekend," Emmett said as he lowered the lid on his grill. "I want to set some ground rules with you, young lady."
"Is that right?" I snorted.
He grinned and wrapped his big arm around me, pulling me close. "Number one, no calls from the police about you getting arrested for indecent exposure. I realize it's been awhile for the both of you, but that's no excuse for Little Eddie to come peeking out before you get to your hotel room."
"Emmett," I groaned as my face heated up.
"Number two, no calls to me to check on Charlie," he continued, ignoring me. "You get one call in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one at night. And if you want to call and tell me how amazing of a big brother I am, I can let that one extra call slide."
"Nice," Jasper chuckled.
"Number three, don't break Edward. He's kind of scrawny, so if you jump him too hard, you might hurt him."
"Emmett, stop," I pleaded. My face and neck felt like they were on fire and I knew I must have been bright red.
"Number four…Never mind. I forgot number four," Emmett said.
"Thank God for that," I sighed.
"On second thought, I remember," he said, grinning wickedly at me. "Number four, don't be afraid to find the freak within, Bells. Sometimes, you just have to get a little frisky to enjoy it properly."
"I cannot believe you just said all that to me," I told him.
"Hey, you asked me one time to give you the sex talk, so there you go," Emmett replied. "Use the knowledge wisely, Squirt."
Edward's POV
"Look at Mommy laugh with Uncle Emmett," I said to Charlie as I held him up so that he could see. "She how beautiful she is when she smiles and laughs?"
"Edward, can I talk to you?" Alice asked, smiling at me.
"Sure," I said, repositioning Charlie so that he was cradled against my arm. "What's up?"
"I want to talk to you about next weekend."
"What about it?" I asked, wary of this topic and her motivations.
"Well, Bella is sort of worried that you don't want to spend the weekend with her, and I was hoping you could tell me that she was just being silly."
"That's absurdly silly, Alice. Of course I want to spend the weekend with Bella. I love being with her."
"And that includes having some very private husband and wife time?" Alice pressed.
"This really is not a conversation for a family barbecue, Alice," I told her.
"It's just me and Rosie at the table with you," she replied. "Mom and Dad are going to be busy for a bit longer with Elizabeth and Brandon."
"Come on, Edward. We just want to help Bella and you out a little," Rose said.
"Help us with what exactly?" I asked.
"Letting go of your nerves and worries, and discovering the joy of physical love all over again," Alice answered.
"I think we're more than old enough to figure that out on our own," I told her.
"You might be old enough, but are you willing enough?" she questioned.
"Alice, I will be going away with my wife next weekend," I assured my sister. "I have no idea what will transpire on our trip, but I will do all I can to make sure she has an amazing time."
"Edward, I know this is hard for you to talk about with Rose and me, but we're worried for you guys. You don't understand how much Bella is looking forward to this weekend with you," Alice said.
"You can't refuse her anything, Edward. It would break her heart," Rose added. "She's already half-way convinced you don't find her sexually appealing anymore."
"She's what?" I asked, a little louder than I'd intended. Charlie had been drifting off, but the loudness of my voice startled him and upset him. "Daddy's sorry, little man," I cooed, resting him against my shoulder and lightly rocking him in my arms. "It's okay." Charlie didn't seem convinced of that since he continued to cry.
"Edward, let me go put him down for a nap," Bella offered, suddenly appearing next to me. "He didn't sleep for as long as usual last night and he's probably cranky."
"Alright," I agreed, letting her take him.
She held him close to her chest and walked off, whispering to him all the way.
"So getting back to earlier," I said as soon as Bella was in the house.
"We were talking earlier and Bella said that she thought you didn't want this weekend to happen," Alice explained.
"We tried to tell her that was silly, and that maybe you were just nervous about it," Rose added. "But I don't know that she really believed us."
"Maybe you could print out some pages for the place you've booked and 'accidentally' leave them lying around the room so she can see you're making plans for it," Alice suggested.
I grimaced, knowing I didn't have anything to leave around because I didn't have any plans yet.
"Edward Anthony Cullen," Alice said, shaking her head in disappointment. "What is wrong with you?"
"Nothing, I just…I am nervous, Ali. For a lot of reasons. And I was procrastinating, but I've always intended to do something for her. I just didn't know what. But Dad gave me an idea for a spa suite at this place he took Mom to once and I'm going to do that."
"You better get on that as soon as possible," Alice warned.
"I will. As soon as I get home and can get near the computer."
"Why don't you go use Emmett's laptop in his office?" Rose suggested. "At least get it booked so that you don't miss out on it. And then you can print things to leave around later on."
"Alright," I agreed, standing up. "I really was going to do something for her. I'd never let her think I didn't want to be with her."
"I know, Edward," Alice said. "But you just have to put forth a little extra effort right now. Bella needs to completely believe and feel like she's still sexy and beautiful to you and it's going to take more than your promises this time. You're really going to have to show her."
"But first, go book a place to take her to show her," Rose said, pointing toward the house.
I headed inside without another word and went in search of my father. He gave me the name of the hotel and I managed to get to Emmett's office without anyone else seeing me. I didn't want Bella to see me on the computer and know that I was just now booking us a place. She would take it all wrong and I'd probably never get her to change her mind with as stubborn as she could be some times.
She truly was the most beautiful and desirable woman I'd ever met and there wasn't a second that went by where I stopped feeling that way about her. I was just afraid of hurting her. What if I was too eager and I hurt her?
Or what if I couldn't stop thinking about almost losing her, and couldn't bring myself to touch her? That would be more devastating to her than me physically hurting her. No, I couldn't risk undoing all of her progress and letting her think for a second that she wasn't still the amazing woman I'd fallen in love with and married. I would lavish so much love and attention on her that she would never want the weekend to end. I would show her that she was still, and always would be, my beautiful Bella.